The Internet Sides With This Guy After He Left GF At The Airport Because Her Passport Was Expired
From the moment we set foot on this planet, most of us are ready, able, and eager to learn to make sense of this confusing world around us. But unfortunately, some people skip on acquiring common sense and decide they can easily glide through life at others’ expense. One story on the popular “Am I The A-hole” subreddit is a perfect example of that.
User tawayaitalifeskills opened up about a relationship conundrum he had with his girlfriend a couple of years back. You see, he left her at the airport and went on a two-week trip to Southeast Asia alone after realizing her passport was expired. Sounds a bit off-putting, doesn’t it? Well, there is a bit of context to take in.
The young woman is notoriously irresponsible and believes her SO and loved ones exist in her life only to fulfill her needs. “Whenever she’s asked for help with something, what she really is asking for is for someone to take responsibility for the task,” the user wrote and was surprised to find out his girlfriend can be so out of touch with reality. Read on to find out how the story unfolded and weigh in on the situation in the comments!
This man believes his romantic partner has to be self-sufficient and capable of taking care of herself for the relationship to flourish
Image credits: Victor Freitas (not the actual photo)
So when she fell short of that standard, he turned to the AITA community to ask people to evaluate the situation
Image credits : Oleksandr Pidvalnyi (not the actual photo)
Tawayaitalifeskills’s post sparked a heated debate in the comments. After all, leaving your partner at the airport and going on a dream-like trip without them leads to many questions and a lot of eyebrow-raising. But most members of the AITA community determined the boyfriend was not in the wrong in this situation. Many criticized the user’s disorganized girlfriend for not taking any personal responsibility for her actions, despite being an adult who is successful in her professional life.
At the same time, several Redditors had a different opinion. While the girlfriend is missing a big chunk of knowledge she should have known by now, people argued she probably has no clue what the requirements for these basic life skills even are. You see, the fact that we sometimes grasp obvious things only later in life is nothing new.
“We literally are hardwired to move the common occurrences into the background of our consciousness so that we can look out for novel things,” Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and creator of MentalDrive, told us in an earlier interview. “The obvious goes in the background, so we reserve brain bandwidth to notice the novel, standout occurrences in our life.”
He explained that we sometimes miss the obvious things because we might not be psychologically ready to handle them. “A relationship that is toxic, a love interest that is too intense, a realization that we don’t have a skill or strength we believe we have.” While these things may seem clear to the outside observer, “our own psychological defenses go up and protect us from seeing the obvious. Because to do so might overwhelm us emotionally and psychologically.”
Moreover, it won’t be surprising to hear that professionals say our parents’ can influence our adult relationships in many ways. They are the first people who show us what love is, so the way we give and receive it is usually shaped by those early experiences.
Relationship coach Marta, the founder of MyCoachMarta, told Bored Panda that our behavior is a direct outcome of the patterns we’ve developed throughout life. “Let’s say this woman grew up in a family where the mother stayed at home and lovingly nurtured the family, while the father took on the role of provider, paying bills and taking care of all other ‘life admin’.”
“Children learn by observing what is modeled, so even if nothing was ever explicitly stated to her about this, she subconsciously picked up and registered the fact that it’s the man of the household who is in charge of those matters,” Marta explained and added it’s more about an unconscious belief that “this is how things are”, rather than assuming her partner will always be there to help out. “She may be either completely unaware of this belief or ashamed if she is indeed aware.”
After reading the story, most people sided with the boyfriend
While many Redditors accused the girlfriend of not putting in the effort to acquire common life skills, her behavior could stem from the mentality she has towards life. The relationship coach explained that overparenting and not being given enough responsibilities or opportunities to discover our own competence are two more ways this mindset might arise.
“This has a huge impact on our adult relationships,” Marta added. “We need attuned parenting that provides a mix of nurture and a safe base to return to as we explore the world and our role in it in order to create a solid sense of self and internal models of relating.”
“When these needs aren’t met, we develop insecure or unhealthy patterns of relating to others as well as warped perceptions of life, which have far-reaching consequences that extend beyond our interpersonal relationships.”
Since the girlfriend’s behavior seems to cause recurring arguments in the relationship, Marta suggested this problem is worth working through together. “I call curiosity and compassion the relationship superpowers. Many fights can be avoided by being curious about why our partner acts the way they do,” she said.
“All the problematic behaviors began at some point as means to keep us feeling safe, loved, and like we belonged. If we keep that in mind, we can have compassion even for the things that get on our nerves,” Marta added. “We can then talk about what’s going on, how it’s affecting the relationship and the partners individually, and come up with ideas to move forward in ways that benefit everyone.”
However, we can’t force others to change. We can try to inspire them to address their maladaptive strategies, but that can only happen in an emotionally safe environment, Marta argued.
“When conflict is approached with a win-win attitude, I rarely encounter someone who is unwilling to adapt. However, if she is firmly set in her ways, expecting the partner to take care of some aspects of her life, it will be up to him to decide where his boundaries are and whether he is willing to compromise them.”
“Most couples, fortunately, discover so much more about each other when they begin communicating with curiosity and compassion that they become more committed to the success of their relationship and are willing to do the work,” Marta concluded.
Although some Redditors questioned the user’s decision and determined he was acting like a jerk
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As annoyed as I would be at my partner if they had let their passport expire I would be unable to leave them at the airport and just go and enjoy a vacation.
Same here. GF definitely needs to learn some life skills and responsibility, but BF needs to learn empathy and humanity. Just because his dad was a d!ck doesn't mean he has to be one. ESH.
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What he did was selfish, but so was her negligence. I don't think either person is an a*****e, but definitely incompatible. He was basically forced *on the spot* to choose between this trip or his girlfriend. She just made a ₤3000 mistake after he reminded her already. Since she has a history of negligence and of taking no responsibility for it, then this was easily the final straw. 10+ years later he'll be glad he took the trip that he would have regretted otherwise. It's just a shame that he couldn't enjoy it at the time because of this lingering weight of the situation.
I think he's an a*****e - not for going on the holidays, but because he is still in a relationship with somebody he so clearly thinks very little of. I agree with one of the commenters that it probably makes him feel better about himself. He reminds me of Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones' Diary, who infuriates me to no end even though I love Colin Firth.
And I agree. He is the a*****e.
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YTA. Yes, she is immature and needs to learn to fend for helself. She is clearly not compatible with him and that is fine. He doesnt need to put up with her. But the way that he speaks about her makes me feel that he really dislikes her. Who talks like that about a partner? She buys a car and he mocks the car bevause its not good enough? She has an issue t the airport and he leaves her there and goes on holidays? It does not feel that he cares for her at more. More that he likes feeling superior and thats why he stays.
I don't understand how, knowing his girlfriend was used to other people doing things for her, he didn't check the passport himself. It is true, she needs to learn some basic skills but that will take time and a lot of effort on both sides. Him leaving her at the airport, going by himself on their trip and not seeing anything wrong makes me think, I could be wrong, that he doesn't care that much about her.
It doesn't seem to me that she's making any effort at all.
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Oof dude should've ran for the hills earlier. Some men dig girls that are totally dependent on them, but that usually turn into a really toxic relationship. You cannot share your life with another person if you can't even get your life in order.
Surely the expired passport would have been flagged when you enter your the details for the Advanced Passenger Information for the flight?
Go to an airline website right now and start the purchase process for an international ticket - there's no field where they ask for passport number. You need a name - that's it. Now, if you put the name in wrong, you won't be able to use the ticket, because there won't be matching ID at the airport, but airlines will happily sell you as many ticket as you wish to pay for, regardless of whether they're usable.
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I don't know how other people are saying NTA. The way this is written makes me believe that YTA. Not everyone knows everything and that is OK. If YOU have a problem with that, then be better about picking your partners for compatibility. Don't shame your partner for not knowing things. Either learn patience and teach (not berate) or pick a different partner.
But when he shows her how to do things (like checking the oil) and she ignores him how is that his fault? This isn't just about the passport, it's a pattern. Edit: I would also point out that he clearly asked her to check her passport. She didn't do it.
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Wait. Did these guys buy their tickets at the airport or what? I know it's been two years since I've last been on a plane, but from what I remember, you literally cannot buy tickets with an expired passport?
Depends on the airline, some only require passport details at the check-in, you only need first and last name the buy the tickets
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I can’t understand staying with a partner that you’d speak of so condescendingly. If she upsets him this much, just leave her. I’m shocked neither ended the relationship after he left for the vacation by himself. Like I get she’s inept by the fact neither ended the relationship just red flags me she must be extremely beaten down by this guy. If he will talk about her like this in public, consider how he talks TO her at home.
NTA for the vacation thing, but you really can’t change people. If OP isn’t willing to accept her for who she is, then he should find someone more compatible and stop wasting her time. He seems to look down on her, which is obviously not something found in a healthy relationship. OP is the a-hole for expecting her to change who she is, and for acting like he’s babysitting her because she doesn’t meet his expectations. Also, she may have adhd or something that makes seemingly simple things very difficult for her. Either way, they’re not compatible.
At some level we choose partners who either have skills we think we need or to shine a light on our blind spots. He needs to have a good, honest think about why he chose someone helpless and why two years later he handled it in what was quite a brutal way when it's someone you love.
So why hook up with someone this helpless in the first place if self-reliance is so important to you? I'm gonna have to vote against "the internet" on this one.
In an actual relationship people don't hate their partner for their shortcomings. My partner is rather neat and frugal, he likes things to be in order and well maintained so he wouldn't have to buy the same thing over and over again. Then he happened to fall in love with me, a total pig who can't for the life of me take care of stuff. I would absolutely let my car run out of oil. I forget to empty the hoover until it's screaming for its life, lost expensive equipment because I couldn't keep it tidy and some parts just went missing. It frustrates my partner. What he does about it? Fixes what he can, replaces what he can't. Zero argument, zero hissy fit. He loves me and understands why I'm like this and loves my creativity that usually distracts me from mundane stuff. He would not leave me at an airport if his life depended on it. If I can't go, it's not a holiday anyway.
That gets very wearing after a while. It works for a few years, but after 20 years I really resented that about my wife. We split up the day before our 20th anniversary for exactly that reason. I was sooo tired of looking after this grown up child. depending on his eternal love for you to cover your faults is selfish, we all need to grow as people.
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So, because something happened to this guy's mom, he's decided he knows the ONE WAY to handle life and other people. He isn't all wrong or all right. Definitely some AH in there, even if she needs it.
I went to a neighbouring country. I live in EU, so no passports. But! I started my research long before everything... Not just tickets, not just hotels. I knew i was going away, so i research - documents, different routes, the cities, the transport and so on. I was 19... So yeah, you should be a responsible adult.
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Honestly, people change when they want to and are ready (sadly). You can't make them change by punish them, how much you would like to or try. I understand him going but it doesn't justify getting annoyed with her and for that (not the trip alone) he sort of was the AH. His mom changed because she wanted to, not because of his dads punishment. I hope he ended the relationship when he got home. If he was so frustrated with her it's just toxic for both of them. They seem to have been living separately and had no kids so a break up would have been a simple solution. I understand wanting to fight for the relationship if you have obligations but in this case they didn't. Talk and communicate instead of punishing and if that doesn't work just let them be and figure it out.
I am the baby of the family and got pretty used to people doing things for me, however as I have gotten older, I have started to realize that I need to be more independent and more self sufficient. I know that one day my parents won't be here and now is the time to learn to take care of myself. On the other hand, I don't think that he needs to be with this woman and his constant judgment is not going to help her get better. He needs to break up with her and find someone more compatible.
Someone commented that they don't think that "passport thing is a basic life skill". What?? If not knowing whether or not you have a valid ID for traveling is not a basic life skill, what is? The context being that you are going to travel within the near future.
As I've written somewhere else, I believe the girlfriend might have adult ADHD. If true, she'd have a very hard time knowing what "future" means, because there is literally no connection in her brain that can handle this information. It's involuntary, by the way.
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This guy sounds like he hates her and at the same time likes that she's helpless in a few areas so he can be condescending and mean to prove a point Like he's waiting for her to mess up while teaching her a lesson his mom learned the hard way. She sounds like everything is all new to her and she's learning through experience plus she came from a sheltering family. My guess is he's a lot older than her. He needs to date someone his own age if he truly is looking for compatibility but Idk that he is.
Yes lots of dumping on the incompetent moron gf, but why did he date her for 2 years? In many cases because people in these relatonships like being the superior one and for using her for sex
Major a-hole. First of all, you're supposed to like your girlfriend. Second of all, it's not entirely her fault she is like that, it's clear that her parents had a significant contribution. And third of all, maybe show her how to do some things instead of being an absolute c*nt about it. Teach a man to fish and all that.
He showed her how to check the oil in her car. She ignored him and ruined her car.
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NTA. "knowing about passport is not a basic skill". it is. especially if someone tells you check the expiration date. what did she check then? is she illiterate so she could not read the date or what? does she not have other documents that tend to expire? ID? driving licence? library ID? OP's mum has bothing to do with this. the girlfriend is totally useless in life. they are not compatible and should break up. we have a saying: there is no use for a pretty plate when it is empty.
My Boyfriend at the time (now husband) and I hiked a good deal at Zion and then went to the Grand Canyon. He could barely walk across the parking lot due to nasty shin splints. I looked at him and noted I was still going to hike the rim to rim over night hike the next day, even without him. He looked at me and noted we needed to go to the back country office to change the permit into my name and put all the weight in my pack to try out. The next day he dropped me off at the north rim and picked me up at the south rim the following day. Like I said he’s my husband now. The GF should take responsibility, The only person she should be pissed at is herself. Hope you had an epic time on your trip as an adult.
It seems that you appreciate her other good qualities and like her for them and you seem to say that you knee about this trait so I don't understand why you instead of asking her about passport expiration date you just didn't check it? It's not ideal, but if you're not planning to split and she's got other good qualities then you better be prepared for things like this.
So not the AH that there shouldn't even be a question about it. After being asked if the expiry was a year out she lied rather than open it to look. It was a specific enough question even for someone with zero common sense or life skills to answer. I'll bet he had a much better vacation without having to wait on a horrible gf hand and foot.
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As someone who grew up with parents who "did, rather than teach", you are not the AH here. I moved out in my early 20s because I could see that I was stalling on my efforts to grow up, but it wasn't till I moved out that I realized how truly stupid I really was. I had no idea how to do a damn thing. My boyfriend (now hubby), had known this for years though and was patient with me, he recognized when I needed to be guided and when I needed to do things on my own. You could have been a bit more explanatory when asking for a passport date, but honestly, I to would have assumed she knew something so basic.
Ugh, my wife is kind of like that -- just never understood specifics. Actually, her entire family did not have the ability to learn common sense. (Well, except very frustrated mother). Entire family took after very laid back dad. Been married to her for 40+ years. She just can't process details. Me, I like details. Frustrating, maybe, but, love overcomes.
I'd dump her. Just like I dumped a guy (who was the same age as this gf) who couldn't make his own plane reservation. Mommy had to do it for him and then I had to make his return flight because he didn't know how. And that was after I dumped him the day he arrived for the visit. I warned every guy I ever dated that I could be a b****h. He learned the hard way that I wasn't kidding. You stand on your own two feet or buh bye!
GF is like Blanche DuBois from "A Streetcar Named Desire": she depends on everyone else to help her little ol' self. She thrives on the attention.
The fact that he thought he could enjoy the vacation still, even knowing what he did and how she might have felt, tells me he's probably ta. He literally put a price on their relationship, < 3000 pounds. He probably spent all vacation thinking about how she deserved it and how to counter any arguments she'll have. People learn different life skills at different points in our lives but this guy sounds like he's probably talked down to her their entire relationship because he had some life skills that she had not yet acquired. She totally should have left him before he returned.
Expired passports are nt of much relevance - unless you wanna leave country. Then, do something in time. Mine is expired, and I'm letting it so a few more months, because renewing it costs, and I will pay the same amount then ... and have no plans of abroading anytime soon - I don't delay to pay for something without reason...
I would absolute ditch them at the airport. He literally asked her if her passport still had a year of validity on it. She said yes, meaning she lied to him. Y'all are unbelievable to think he's wrong. Like this was her problem. These are all her problems. He's not her father. All of you people defending her, siding with her, need to take a long look in the mirror to see that you're the problem because you would not be saying this stuff if it were reversed. If it were a man-child, you'd be telling her she can do better.
He knew about her tendency toward dependence, and he suspected there might be a problem with her passport if he didn't know. If he really wanted her to go on the trip with him, he would have ensured that her passport was current. This guy set a trap for his girlfriend because he had previously decided to leave her at the airport if this situation occurred as it did. If this is one of the fifty ways to leave a lover, this one is super lousy.
A$$hole. A good partnership is when each partner capitalizes on their own strengths and willingly compensates for their partner's weaknesses. It's a PARTNERSHIP, after all. The OP states that she has other positive qualities, that this is his only gripe? So, he can't bring himself to do more than just ask his GF if she has her ducks in a row, especially when he knows her tendencies? Nobody is perfect, OP sounds like he'll accept nothing less than. (Been taking care of my wife's cars, and my other assumed responsibilities, while she renews my passport, along with her assumed responsibilities, for 29 years now, so, just saying.)
Original poster has a real gaslighting feel to his story. People don’t magically learn new logic overnight after being sheltered, it takes years of trial, error, and a build of confidence. I’ve had plenty of relationships with dudes who are clueless about subjects that are simple to me - things you could argue are life necessities like finance, taking care of things, yard work, getting a better job, and so on. But they know things I don’t know. And further, I’d never make them feel like a useless idiot for not knowing. At best they sound incompatible and at worse he sounds like a serious a*****e
Recently I found out to have Adult ADHD, diagnosis pending. This girlfriend shows all the signs of that same affliction. I bet if she were tested she'd be positive for ADHD which would be a blessing, because she'd be diagnosed in her 20s and could be treated as such. I am 43 now, feeling I've wasted half my life and just now coming across an explanation! So yeah, I didn't even know you could have ADHD as an adult and I bet the original poster doesn't know as well. So to me this doesn't sound for a YTA question but a psychological problem that the gf should be addressed upon.
Poor Oedipus didn't understand that his girlfriend lacked basic life skills for two whole years?
she's an idiot but he's an AH. he clearly has no respect for her. what are her positive qualities? she has big b00bs and she lets him touch them on the regular?
Well, i think this guy is not right 100% here. The partner seens like very clueless, and he clearly points it out, even showing frustration with his choice of words, but, hes been with her for 2 years, he knows her and should now better by now. I dont know, this kind of posts... What are you trying here? To show the internet your Gf flaws? You dont have to be with her if you dont like.
When I hit 17 and was enrolling at uni, I was still going to continue living with my parents but my mum was like 'i cant drive into the city to sort things out for you, you will have to figure out how to enroll, where to take the paperwork etc' so I did. I do have some executive dysfunction issues now but I'm able to communicate with my partner and we are able to make things work
I don't think it's her fault that she lacks experience, but she does need to take responsibility for learning things. I don't see her doing that at all. He showed her how to take care of her car, and she ignored him. He asked her to check her passport, and she ignored that as well. I don't blame him for going on the trip alone. But he does need to ask himself why he is still with her if she is unwilling to change, because it isn't going to get any better.
I get it that she lacks experience, but a passport is a form of ID. All ID's expire at some point. Hopefully she realizes that at some point she will have to renew her driver's license as well!
I hope he broke up with her, as she wants to remain helpless and have Daddy or her boyfriend/husband take care of her. She's nothing more than a spoiled child.
She's obviously young, sexy and does other things this man likes. He would NEVER have put up with 2 years from an ugly dumpy woman. Even a dog can be taught some things. Maybe this guy isn't around long enough to teach her anything, only tell her she is wrong. He's too lazy to find someone more compatible or with his level of quiet abuse, no one else will have him. He may not be an a*****e, but he really doesn't seem to be much of a person.
It''s NOT his job to teach an adult how to be a adult! "Is your passport valid?" "I will check and tell you." This is it, not more. Not "Well, i didn't check, 'cause i didn't know that my passport can expire..."
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I'm imagining her with children and making some b******t excuse, like she didn't know how to feed them or bathe them so she just didn't.
Yep, left my pregnant gf at the airport because of her out of date passport and took my 1-year-old son on his first beach holiday just the two of us. Like a honey pot to women!
As annoyed as I would be at my partner if they had let their passport expire I would be unable to leave them at the airport and just go and enjoy a vacation.
Same here. GF definitely needs to learn some life skills and responsibility, but BF needs to learn empathy and humanity. Just because his dad was a d!ck doesn't mean he has to be one. ESH.
Load More Replies... What he did was selfish, but so was her negligence. I don't think either person is an a*****e, but definitely incompatible. He was basically forced *on the spot* to choose between this trip or his girlfriend. She just made a ₤3000 mistake after he reminded her already. Since she has a history of negligence and of taking no responsibility for it, then this was easily the final straw. 10+ years later he'll be glad he took the trip that he would have regretted otherwise. It's just a shame that he couldn't enjoy it at the time because of this lingering weight of the situation.
I think he's an a*****e - not for going on the holidays, but because he is still in a relationship with somebody he so clearly thinks very little of. I agree with one of the commenters that it probably makes him feel better about himself. He reminds me of Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones' Diary, who infuriates me to no end even though I love Colin Firth.
And I agree. He is the a*****e.
Load More Replies... YTA. Yes, she is immature and needs to learn to fend for helself. She is clearly not compatible with him and that is fine. He doesnt need to put up with her. But the way that he speaks about her makes me feel that he really dislikes her. Who talks like that about a partner? She buys a car and he mocks the car bevause its not good enough? She has an issue t the airport and he leaves her there and goes on holidays? It does not feel that he cares for her at more. More that he likes feeling superior and thats why he stays.
I don't understand how, knowing his girlfriend was used to other people doing things for her, he didn't check the passport himself. It is true, she needs to learn some basic skills but that will take time and a lot of effort on both sides. Him leaving her at the airport, going by himself on their trip and not seeing anything wrong makes me think, I could be wrong, that he doesn't care that much about her.
It doesn't seem to me that she's making any effort at all.
Load More Replies... Oof dude should've ran for the hills earlier. Some men dig girls that are totally dependent on them, but that usually turn into a really toxic relationship. You cannot share your life with another person if you can't even get your life in order.
Surely the expired passport would have been flagged when you enter your the details for the Advanced Passenger Information for the flight?
Go to an airline website right now and start the purchase process for an international ticket - there's no field where they ask for passport number. You need a name - that's it. Now, if you put the name in wrong, you won't be able to use the ticket, because there won't be matching ID at the airport, but airlines will happily sell you as many ticket as you wish to pay for, regardless of whether they're usable.
Load More Replies... I don't know how other people are saying NTA. The way this is written makes me believe that YTA. Not everyone knows everything and that is OK. If YOU have a problem with that, then be better about picking your partners for compatibility. Don't shame your partner for not knowing things. Either learn patience and teach (not berate) or pick a different partner.
But when he shows her how to do things (like checking the oil) and she ignores him how is that his fault? This isn't just about the passport, it's a pattern. Edit: I would also point out that he clearly asked her to check her passport. She didn't do it.
Load More Replies... Wait. Did these guys buy their tickets at the airport or what? I know it's been two years since I've last been on a plane, but from what I remember, you literally cannot buy tickets with an expired passport?
Depends on the airline, some only require passport details at the check-in, you only need first and last name the buy the tickets
Load More Replies... I can’t understand staying with a partner that you’d speak of so condescendingly. If she upsets him this much, just leave her. I’m shocked neither ended the relationship after he left for the vacation by himself. Like I get she’s inept by the fact neither ended the relationship just red flags me she must be extremely beaten down by this guy. If he will talk about her like this in public, consider how he talks TO her at home.
NTA for the vacation thing, but you really can’t change people. If OP isn’t willing to accept her for who she is, then he should find someone more compatible and stop wasting her time. He seems to look down on her, which is obviously not something found in a healthy relationship. OP is the a-hole for expecting her to change who she is, and for acting like he’s babysitting her because she doesn’t meet his expectations. Also, she may have adhd or something that makes seemingly simple things very difficult for her. Either way, they’re not compatible.
At some level we choose partners who either have skills we think we need or to shine a light on our blind spots. He needs to have a good, honest think about why he chose someone helpless and why two years later he handled it in what was quite a brutal way when it's someone you love.
So why hook up with someone this helpless in the first place if self-reliance is so important to you? I'm gonna have to vote against "the internet" on this one.
In an actual relationship people don't hate their partner for their shortcomings. My partner is rather neat and frugal, he likes things to be in order and well maintained so he wouldn't have to buy the same thing over and over again. Then he happened to fall in love with me, a total pig who can't for the life of me take care of stuff. I would absolutely let my car run out of oil. I forget to empty the hoover until it's screaming for its life, lost expensive equipment because I couldn't keep it tidy and some parts just went missing. It frustrates my partner. What he does about it? Fixes what he can, replaces what he can't. Zero argument, zero hissy fit. He loves me and understands why I'm like this and loves my creativity that usually distracts me from mundane stuff. He would not leave me at an airport if his life depended on it. If I can't go, it's not a holiday anyway.
That gets very wearing after a while. It works for a few years, but after 20 years I really resented that about my wife. We split up the day before our 20th anniversary for exactly that reason. I was sooo tired of looking after this grown up child. depending on his eternal love for you to cover your faults is selfish, we all need to grow as people.
Load More Replies... So, because something happened to this guy's mom, he's decided he knows the ONE WAY to handle life and other people. He isn't all wrong or all right. Definitely some AH in there, even if she needs it.
I went to a neighbouring country. I live in EU, so no passports. But! I started my research long before everything... Not just tickets, not just hotels. I knew i was going away, so i research - documents, different routes, the cities, the transport and so on. I was 19... So yeah, you should be a responsible adult.
Load More Replies... Honestly, people change when they want to and are ready (sadly). You can't make them change by punish them, how much you would like to or try. I understand him going but it doesn't justify getting annoyed with her and for that (not the trip alone) he sort of was the AH. His mom changed because she wanted to, not because of his dads punishment. I hope he ended the relationship when he got home. If he was so frustrated with her it's just toxic for both of them. They seem to have been living separately and had no kids so a break up would have been a simple solution. I understand wanting to fight for the relationship if you have obligations but in this case they didn't. Talk and communicate instead of punishing and if that doesn't work just let them be and figure it out.
I am the baby of the family and got pretty used to people doing things for me, however as I have gotten older, I have started to realize that I need to be more independent and more self sufficient. I know that one day my parents won't be here and now is the time to learn to take care of myself. On the other hand, I don't think that he needs to be with this woman and his constant judgment is not going to help her get better. He needs to break up with her and find someone more compatible.
Someone commented that they don't think that "passport thing is a basic life skill". What?? If not knowing whether or not you have a valid ID for traveling is not a basic life skill, what is? The context being that you are going to travel within the near future.
As I've written somewhere else, I believe the girlfriend might have adult ADHD. If true, she'd have a very hard time knowing what "future" means, because there is literally no connection in her brain that can handle this information. It's involuntary, by the way.
Load More Replies... This guy sounds like he hates her and at the same time likes that she's helpless in a few areas so he can be condescending and mean to prove a point Like he's waiting for her to mess up while teaching her a lesson his mom learned the hard way. She sounds like everything is all new to her and she's learning through experience plus she came from a sheltering family. My guess is he's a lot older than her. He needs to date someone his own age if he truly is looking for compatibility but Idk that he is.
Yes lots of dumping on the incompetent moron gf, but why did he date her for 2 years? In many cases because people in these relatonships like being the superior one and for using her for sex
Major a-hole. First of all, you're supposed to like your girlfriend. Second of all, it's not entirely her fault she is like that, it's clear that her parents had a significant contribution. And third of all, maybe show her how to do some things instead of being an absolute c*nt about it. Teach a man to fish and all that.
He showed her how to check the oil in her car. She ignored him and ruined her car.
Load More Replies... NTA. "knowing about passport is not a basic skill". it is. especially if someone tells you check the expiration date. what did she check then? is she illiterate so she could not read the date or what? does she not have other documents that tend to expire? ID? driving licence? library ID? OP's mum has bothing to do with this. the girlfriend is totally useless in life. they are not compatible and should break up. we have a saying: there is no use for a pretty plate when it is empty.
My Boyfriend at the time (now husband) and I hiked a good deal at Zion and then went to the Grand Canyon. He could barely walk across the parking lot due to nasty shin splints. I looked at him and noted I was still going to hike the rim to rim over night hike the next day, even without him. He looked at me and noted we needed to go to the back country office to change the permit into my name and put all the weight in my pack to try out. The next day he dropped me off at the north rim and picked me up at the south rim the following day. Like I said he’s my husband now. The GF should take responsibility, The only person she should be pissed at is herself. Hope you had an epic time on your trip as an adult.
It seems that you appreciate her other good qualities and like her for them and you seem to say that you knee about this trait so I don't understand why you instead of asking her about passport expiration date you just didn't check it? It's not ideal, but if you're not planning to split and she's got other good qualities then you better be prepared for things like this.
So not the AH that there shouldn't even be a question about it. After being asked if the expiry was a year out she lied rather than open it to look. It was a specific enough question even for someone with zero common sense or life skills to answer. I'll bet he had a much better vacation without having to wait on a horrible gf hand and foot.
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As someone who grew up with parents who "did, rather than teach", you are not the AH here. I moved out in my early 20s because I could see that I was stalling on my efforts to grow up, but it wasn't till I moved out that I realized how truly stupid I really was. I had no idea how to do a damn thing. My boyfriend (now hubby), had known this for years though and was patient with me, he recognized when I needed to be guided and when I needed to do things on my own. You could have been a bit more explanatory when asking for a passport date, but honestly, I to would have assumed she knew something so basic.
Ugh, my wife is kind of like that -- just never understood specifics. Actually, her entire family did not have the ability to learn common sense. (Well, except very frustrated mother). Entire family took after very laid back dad. Been married to her for 40+ years. She just can't process details. Me, I like details. Frustrating, maybe, but, love overcomes.
I'd dump her. Just like I dumped a guy (who was the same age as this gf) who couldn't make his own plane reservation. Mommy had to do it for him and then I had to make his return flight because he didn't know how. And that was after I dumped him the day he arrived for the visit. I warned every guy I ever dated that I could be a b****h. He learned the hard way that I wasn't kidding. You stand on your own two feet or buh bye!
GF is like Blanche DuBois from "A Streetcar Named Desire": she depends on everyone else to help her little ol' self. She thrives on the attention.
The fact that he thought he could enjoy the vacation still, even knowing what he did and how she might have felt, tells me he's probably ta. He literally put a price on their relationship, < 3000 pounds. He probably spent all vacation thinking about how she deserved it and how to counter any arguments she'll have. People learn different life skills at different points in our lives but this guy sounds like he's probably talked down to her their entire relationship because he had some life skills that she had not yet acquired. She totally should have left him before he returned.
Expired passports are nt of much relevance - unless you wanna leave country. Then, do something in time. Mine is expired, and I'm letting it so a few more months, because renewing it costs, and I will pay the same amount then ... and have no plans of abroading anytime soon - I don't delay to pay for something without reason...
I would absolute ditch them at the airport. He literally asked her if her passport still had a year of validity on it. She said yes, meaning she lied to him. Y'all are unbelievable to think he's wrong. Like this was her problem. These are all her problems. He's not her father. All of you people defending her, siding with her, need to take a long look in the mirror to see that you're the problem because you would not be saying this stuff if it were reversed. If it were a man-child, you'd be telling her she can do better.
He knew about her tendency toward dependence, and he suspected there might be a problem with her passport if he didn't know. If he really wanted her to go on the trip with him, he would have ensured that her passport was current. This guy set a trap for his girlfriend because he had previously decided to leave her at the airport if this situation occurred as it did. If this is one of the fifty ways to leave a lover, this one is super lousy.
A$$hole. A good partnership is when each partner capitalizes on their own strengths and willingly compensates for their partner's weaknesses. It's a PARTNERSHIP, after all. The OP states that she has other positive qualities, that this is his only gripe? So, he can't bring himself to do more than just ask his GF if she has her ducks in a row, especially when he knows her tendencies? Nobody is perfect, OP sounds like he'll accept nothing less than. (Been taking care of my wife's cars, and my other assumed responsibilities, while she renews my passport, along with her assumed responsibilities, for 29 years now, so, just saying.)
Original poster has a real gaslighting feel to his story. People don’t magically learn new logic overnight after being sheltered, it takes years of trial, error, and a build of confidence. I’ve had plenty of relationships with dudes who are clueless about subjects that are simple to me - things you could argue are life necessities like finance, taking care of things, yard work, getting a better job, and so on. But they know things I don’t know. And further, I’d never make them feel like a useless idiot for not knowing. At best they sound incompatible and at worse he sounds like a serious a*****e
Recently I found out to have Adult ADHD, diagnosis pending. This girlfriend shows all the signs of that same affliction. I bet if she were tested she'd be positive for ADHD which would be a blessing, because she'd be diagnosed in her 20s and could be treated as such. I am 43 now, feeling I've wasted half my life and just now coming across an explanation! So yeah, I didn't even know you could have ADHD as an adult and I bet the original poster doesn't know as well. So to me this doesn't sound for a YTA question but a psychological problem that the gf should be addressed upon.
Poor Oedipus didn't understand that his girlfriend lacked basic life skills for two whole years?
she's an idiot but he's an AH. he clearly has no respect for her. what are her positive qualities? she has big b00bs and she lets him touch them on the regular?
Well, i think this guy is not right 100% here. The partner seens like very clueless, and he clearly points it out, even showing frustration with his choice of words, but, hes been with her for 2 years, he knows her and should now better by now. I dont know, this kind of posts... What are you trying here? To show the internet your Gf flaws? You dont have to be with her if you dont like.
When I hit 17 and was enrolling at uni, I was still going to continue living with my parents but my mum was like 'i cant drive into the city to sort things out for you, you will have to figure out how to enroll, where to take the paperwork etc' so I did. I do have some executive dysfunction issues now but I'm able to communicate with my partner and we are able to make things work
I don't think it's her fault that she lacks experience, but she does need to take responsibility for learning things. I don't see her doing that at all. He showed her how to take care of her car, and she ignored him. He asked her to check her passport, and she ignored that as well. I don't blame him for going on the trip alone. But he does need to ask himself why he is still with her if she is unwilling to change, because it isn't going to get any better.
I get it that she lacks experience, but a passport is a form of ID. All ID's expire at some point. Hopefully she realizes that at some point she will have to renew her driver's license as well!
I hope he broke up with her, as she wants to remain helpless and have Daddy or her boyfriend/husband take care of her. She's nothing more than a spoiled child.
She's obviously young, sexy and does other things this man likes. He would NEVER have put up with 2 years from an ugly dumpy woman. Even a dog can be taught some things. Maybe this guy isn't around long enough to teach her anything, only tell her she is wrong. He's too lazy to find someone more compatible or with his level of quiet abuse, no one else will have him. He may not be an a*****e, but he really doesn't seem to be much of a person.
It''s NOT his job to teach an adult how to be a adult! "Is your passport valid?" "I will check and tell you." This is it, not more. Not "Well, i didn't check, 'cause i didn't know that my passport can expire..."
Load More Replies... I'm imagining her with children and making some b******t excuse, like she didn't know how to feed them or bathe them so she just didn't.
Yep, left my pregnant gf at the airport because of her out of date passport and took my 1-year-old son on his first beach holiday just the two of us. Like a honey pot to women!
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