Guy Finds Out His GF Deleted All The Pics Of His Late Wife While He Was In The Shower, Kicks Her Out Of The House
After you lose a loved one, you feel like you lost a part of yourself as well and healing can be tremendously hard.
But when Reddit user u/throwawayAHmayb invited his new girlfriend to move in with him, she even tried to erase his memories of his deceased wife.
He told her his phone password to ease her mind about possible cheating, but she used it to go behind his back and permanently delete pictures of the woman that came before her.
After this man gave his girlfriend the password to his phone, she went behind his back and deleted all the pictures of his deceased wife that she could find
Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)
And, to her disbelief, he kicked her out of his apartment
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayAHmayb
“Trust issues” is a term that’s thrown around casually nowadays, but this case sounds like a clear example of it
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
According to Kendra Cherry, who is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, trust is important in relationships because it allows you the opportunity to relax, be yourself, and depend on another person. It provides you with the safety and security you need to turn to another person for comfort, reassurance, assistance, and affection.
A 2018 study found that a tendency to be trusting is influenced by genetic factors. In other words, it’s inheritable. Distrust, on the other hand, is not, and is primarily associated with socialization factors, including family dynamics and other influences.
Psychologist Erik Erikson proposed a theory of development that suggests the earliest years of life are all about learning whether the people around you could be trusted with your care and safety. Whether you learn this trust or mistrust, he suggested, plays a foundational role in future development.
Attachment style theory suggests that how you bond with your primary caregivers as a child directly impacts how you form relationships as an adult and insecure attachment styles are thought to be the result of parents who didn’t meet certain needs as you were growing up.
For instance, inconsistent parenting may have led to an anxious attachment style, often associated with the fear of abandonment later in life. A 2015 study investigating distrust in romantic relationships found that it predicted behaviors like jealousy, nonphysical violence, psychological abuse, and snooping behaviors.
However, the fact that the Redditor’s (ex) girlfriend’s issues can be understood does not mean she can get a pass for what she has done.
The author of this post acknowledged that he may have rushed the new relationship and provided more details about it
But people still believe that the woman had no right to behave like that
After reading all the comments, the man shared his new course of action
Well, there goes my faith in humanity. How cruel can you be? Dating as an adult comes with baggage. Most often, the person you fall in love with has loved someone else in the past. Don't see that as a threat. Be grateful that the former partner helped them become the person you love now. Honour the whole of their journey instead of demanding they delude you and themselves into believing you're where it starts. OP dodged a huge bullet, and I hope and pray he gets his photos back.
Excellent reply! You nailed it (from another cat lady)
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To whoever needs to hear this. You don't stop loving a departed spouse. Most people find room in their hearts to love again but don't expect them to forget the love they lost, it's just not like that.
I was never a fan of that show "Sister Wives." I find the concept... patriarchal. But there's one line that was great. "Love doesn't divide; it multiplies."
Load More Replies... Never use one device to store photos. I have copies from my phone to the laptop and external hard-drive.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don't go back to that woman.
I do so hope he was able to retrieve at least some of his photos. That vicious little harpy will get hers. I'm just glad she won't be around to detail his grief journey. God bless you, OP. I hope you find some solace and healing.
At least as young as the ex-GF is, hopefully she has space to grow up and change and learn. She was obviously insecure from the start, worrying he was cheating. She needs to get more secure in herself and her own life before she partners up. But I agree she was evil in this case. I just hope she changes. Though the OP should never take her back.
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she's an horrendous human being and so are her friends that agree with her
I'll be she told her friends that he was keeping pictures of his ex on his phone. Never mentioned that she was his dead wife.
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Imagine if they had kids! Can we spell 'wicked stepmother?' I recall reading an article of a woman who poisoned her partner's kids from a previous relationship. Sometimes capital punishment is a Really Good Thing!
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I (then 50) met my boyfriend (then 53) only five months after his wife died of breast cancer. That sadness, grief and regret were a big part of him at that time. We talked about his wife, I acknowledged the importance of their relationship. I never- not once- felt intimidated by their love. I felt like she would want me to love him. He's a great guy..and he loves me with all his heart. We're lucky to have found one another. It's been over five years since her death. He still has a picture of her in her wedding dress, in the living room, with a battery operated candle that he keeps going. I think it's his way of honoring and remembering her. The picture doesn't bother me. He can leave it there forever if he'd like. We do live separately (my youngest just turned 18, so soon we'll buy a house together). But I'm at his house a lot. As best friends I think it's important to support each other. He's been a great support to me.
You're mature adults who understand that you've both walked long, winding, sometimes broken pathways. You're honouring how those roads led you to one another, and that's beautiful.
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I think TheyCallMeCool had the best reply. I can understand GF being a bit jealous but what she did is absolutely horrible. NTA. I'm glad he kicked her out. I hope the pictures can be recovered.
What she did was theft. She stole your mementos. You can try to see if they are backed up to a computer too. Or the cloud. Honestly would this happen if it was a pet you had thats passed and then got a new one with her? Oh toss that it's in the past. She needs help. Too clingy. And those were moments in your life. I wouldn't care about the nudes either. It's like a painting of a nude. You loved her and her body an it was part of your life. You kept that private at least. Try the cloud and any backed up services too. Even if you messaged a photo to someone maybe they have a copy for you. And next time keep your phone password private. Regardless why they need it or you need to prove you're loyal. I'd never ask someone to prove it if I trusted them.
Utterly NTA. If my gf did that to photos of my late wife, she would be out of here so fast that there'd be a sonic boom. Anything like that, you should also make backup copies, in case you lost your phone, but for someone to deliberately delete them, just makes my blood boil.
When you enter into an intimate relationship with a widowed person, you do so with the knowledge that, even if they love you unreservedly now, there always be a place in their heart for their lost loved one. You should even happily share in their memories, as their past has made them the person you love today.
This is really old. I seriously hope he's found someone who's not crazy to be with by now.
Your NTA OP. That lady was a Psycho. You deserve much better. Sorry for your loss.
Besides kicking her out of your life, I would pursue any criminal or civil charges possible. I would sue her for emotional distress, and NO, I do NOT care if she has "issues." She doe snot deserve sympathy for those issues either. Actions have consequences, and she deserves to suffer them. At the bare minimum, you need to sue her in small claims cost for every penny you spend to recover those photos plus your legal fees.
I just hope he'll be able to get the pics back. That lady is horrible.
Always keep a backup of what is important, and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Especially phones are prone to breaking down, as many of them live a really hard life, so don't count on them as a safe way to store precious information. That being said, a phone is basically a computer, and what happens when you delete files on a computer is pretty much just that it overwrites the index telling you where you can find your things, and then it frees up that part of the memory so other programs can write data to it. So there is a chance that the pictures are still in there, you just need special software that can find them and rewrite the index. But if you continue to use the phone/computer, that information will slowly be overwritten in time and they get corrupted and will get lost. So turn off the phone and get someone to dig out what images there still may be in there.
After losing all my childhood videos in a fire, I am very serious about backups now. Everything is triple (or more) backup up - at home, on the cloud, and on a hard drive in a locker at work. To have everything on 'one' fragile, losable device is just asking for it. I honestly cant comprehend how he claims to have lost 95% of the photos of her this way - do people really not ever back up their photos? Especially of someone you had time to get married to?
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At 23, she is clearly too immature for a grown up relationship. I don't understand people that say widows/widowers should just "get over it". It's not like a break up! There was no closure or issues that caused the relationship to end. He will always love her, and should! It would b a ref flag to me if he got rid of every and acted like his late wife never existed
Reading this almost made me cry and certainly made me angry. I lost my husband 14 years ago and the thought of someone destroying all our photos together breaks my heart. I've been with my fiancé now for 6 years and not once did he ever ask me to get rid of anything I might still have from my late husband. My fiancé understands that our relationship is solid and I love him, but that there's always a place in my heart for my late husband. And yes, I still keep a small framed photo of the two of us in a side table and that's okay.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you seem to have moved on in a healthy, positive manner. All the best to you.
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This person is young. At their age I did not have the healthiest idea of relationships either, but I was not yet married, let alone widowed. My heart goes out to them.. I hope in the future they will recognize that anyone who requires their phone passcode to 'prove' they're faithful is not worth it.
Holy s**t..... what she did was unconscionable. After my stepmom passed away, my dad started dating another woman. I did not like her, but really it was bc she was only 2 years older than me and tried to tell me she was my new "mom". Yeah. Anyway, she tried to throw everything of my moms away- when they split and my dad moved on to someone else, this woman helped him create a wall of memories for my step mom; all her pics and accomplishments, her Sheriffs badge, etc. I thought that was really sweet of her to do this. Why anyone in their right mind would delete pics off someone else's phone is beyond me. I don't even go into my husbands phone. Bc I trust him. Obviously this chick doesn't trust him, so it's better that they split anyway.
In a word: BACKUP. Back up photos, texts, documents... Anything you want to keep. External hard drives are cheap and easy to use. Girlfriend is a creep and needed to be kicked to the curb. There is no time limit or "right" way to mourn.
I think it's more like 30him/70her ESH. For him, he wasn't ready to date, being as hung up on his dead wife as he still is. That makes him a 30% AH for not only dating but having her move in, when he also knew she is a clingy person with security issues. Meanwhile, she is a solid 70AH for going bonkers and basically doing the digital version of burning his ex's photos. Both are immature.
I don't know what is an 'appropriate' amount of time to grieve for a loved one - whether it be parent, sibling, partner/spouse or offspring. I believe that we each have the right to grieve in our own way as long as it doesn't affect our ability to function or it doesn't harm others e.g young children in particular. No-one has the right to tell another to 'get over it,' we don't know the depth of emotion and grief that one person feels even in a single household. One child rallies and moves on, another still stumbles emotionally, trying to come to grips with a loss. I know someone who was a widower in the morning and by evening he was a bachelor. I know another who went through the motions after his wife died, but died a few years after she did. One of his children eulogised that he died of a broken heart; knowing them as I did for several years I happen to agree. Perhaps he should have waited a little longer before dating. Listen to your gut, not well meaning friends.
Ouch. She needs to be dumped forever. It can be hard being the next girl after a man's partner actually dies. She may forever be put on a pedestal. But, given time that man learns to move on and focus on his new partner. How can you be jealous of pictures of a dead woman? The fact he kept them on there and she had access to his phone shows he had nothing to hide or for her to worry about. He needs to find someone more understanding and less um, psycho?
Have been married for over 41 years. My former husband (6 months) had been married off and on since he was 14. I told him to take 6 months. Stay out of the bars. Away from the women. Spend some time figuring out what HE wanted out of life. He did it. A couple years later he remarried. We had lunch one day. He said his new wife "is jealous of you. I keep telling her she shouldn't be jealous. She should be grateful. If you hadn't knocked me into shape she wouldn't be able to live with me, either."
That's honouring the journey. Being grateful to the person's past for making them into who they are. Obviously you did a good job of making him better. Kudos.
Load More Replies... Never understood the whole "jealousy" thing. If you're jealous, especially of someone who's dead, you shouldn't be in ANY kind of relationship. Most people didn't just appear last week. They have pasts. And other people. And you aren't the only one ever in their lives.
If she felt what she was doing was right, she would have had a conversation. Not try and do it when he's not around his phone and then just wait for him to find them missing. She 100% knew
Wtf did I just read?! I'd love meeting a guy who appreciated his former relationships, no matter how they ended. Sick and tired of so many guys trash-talking their former partners. I think CatLady said it best, but appreciating all the people who crossed your life's path is the right thing to do, not erasing them completely from your life. Especially not when they were positive influences.
Bored panda really so low on content that they're digging through years old reddit posts
This may be 'years old reddit posts" but, make no mistake - somebody somewhere is dealing with the same problem right now.
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Am I the only one to think that this entire situation is a bit crazy? GF should not have deleted the pics but OP needs to give himself more time to grieve. By the looks of it he got into a new relationship after a few months, then moved in with this new person after 4 months and he's solely blaming his now ex GF. OP needs to take some accountability too and not rushed into a new relationship.
This post is old. I'm hoping that he got his pics back and got some grief counselling to sort his feelings out better. Some widowed folks do seek out new companionship soon (I don't judge; it depends on the person), but I don't think he was truly ready.
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Yeah, he should not let that crazy girl back into his life. Sounds like a set up for future abusive and controlling behaviour if she went that far so quickly in their relationship. Very possessive. Reminds me of this British documentary where a man was almost killed by his girlfriend about repeatedly abusing him. He should have given himself more time to heal from his wife’s death before dating again. And be more discerning in the future. If someone shows you red flags, walk on past. You ain’t changing them with your love and it ain’t worth it to your self-esteem just to have a warm body in your life. Better to be alone.
If you subscribe to Amazon Prime, it includes *unlimited* photo storage, including RAW files. Just go to photos.amazon.com to get started. If you subscribe to Office 365, it includes 1 TB of cloud storage via OneDrive. Google gives you 15 GB of free online storage. You can backup photos via photos.google.com (there's a setting to reduce the size and resolution, so you can squeeze more photos into the 15 GB). Unfortunately this 15 GB is shared with all other Google services like Gmail. All of these have ways to sync photos on your phone, tablet, and computer. Use them. OneDrive and Google can also be used to backup videos (or any other type of file). You can also use YouTube to "backup" unlimited videos (just mark them as private).
You are not the *a*s*s*h*o*l*e* !!! The so-called girlfriend is and anyone who takes her side, including any of your family members. You have every right to have pictures of your deceased wife on your phone. You don't stop loving someone just because they are no longer with you. Take your phone to someone/company that can find the pictures of your wife. Nothing is ever really deleted supposedly. You probably did start dating too soon. I've heard that people grieve for different amounts of time and in different ways. Only start dating if and when you are ready, not because other people are pushing you to date.
Clearly she has no respect for others privacy and no respect for boundaries but I think her comment about "having photos of a dead girl" is really what takes the cake, because not only does it speaks volumes of her lack of emotional maturity but it cements the fact that she knew who it was, she knew that she had passed away, and yet she brought up the fact that his wife was dead and gone just to hurt him even more! Most of the time, most people out there are going to have some kind of relationship history or past relationships before meet the person that they're currently with. It doesn't matter what trust issues you personally have, you have to be an adult and accept that people had a past before they met you.
I'm sorry, but giving the GF full access to the phone was a very bad move. It didn't help her insecurities, only fed them. She would have interepreted even a text/email from a coworker as cheating & freaked out over those too. I hope the pics are recoverable, but OP is better off w/o that nutter.
This whole provision of phone passwords to insecure partners thing is just a sign that the relationship is over. If they don't trust you without that, they shouldn't be in a relationship with you. I mean really - "I don't trust you, but I'll *sleep* IN YOUR BED"? How logical is that? A healthy loving relationship includes trust, boundaries, and personal space/privacy. I celebrated my 29th wedding anniversary yesterday... I don't read my partner's messages, I don't open his mail, and I don't go through his drawers. He wouldn't care if I did, because he trusts me, but I don't anyway, I don't need to because I trust him. And yeah... NTA, she is immature and totally self-absorbed, what a horrible, thoughtless thing to do!
That skrag is worse than the one who cheated on her. And then other scum DEFENDS her abuse and violations instead of respecting his grief? GTFO.
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run as far as possible from this crazy b***h!!!! this is absolutely outrageous, a deal breaker. so disrespectful and entitled!!!! you can't imagine how mad I am right now just by reading your post.
Ah, kids - a lot of immaturity from that GF. It's absolutely not okay to try and retcon someone's life like that. Even the saucy photos: it's up to the OP to decide whether he wants to delete them or not. Even if he wasn't attached to those memories, it's still not okay to do that without consent. OP did the right thing by throwing her out.
There is no way that this one is real. Not because I don’t believe that someone might be jealous and evil and do that but nothing about that post made me think grieving widower who’s just lost the photos of his dead wife. It just completely missed all of the emotion that someone who had experienced that would have oozing out of them.
Honestly, if my now-wife would hang on to photos of her ex, naked photos no less, I'd have an issue with that. But the ex is not dead. So that may be different. I think the girlfriend was not in the right and she sounds like a freak but OP needs to be aware of the fact that a new relationship usually involves "getting rid" of the previous ones. Also: don't give other people your phone password, unless it's someone you. trust your with life
Agreed! Yes it was malicious for the ex to delete anything out of his phone, but I wouldn't be cool with the photos either dead or alive. Which is why you don't go through peoples phone period then get upset with what you find. Clearly, he hasn't had time to heal or move on before starting a new relationship with an insecure woman which makes him the AH for giving her his password to calm her insecurities.
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You gave her your passwords to ease her insecurities? That right, there is a huge red flag.. Her insecurities are hers to deal with. She should have taken that s*** to therapy. What she did was crossed boundaries that there is no coming back from. She's absolute garbage. And I am so glad to hear You. Tossed her out in the streets where she belongs. For someone in the original comments to say it would be perfectly acceptable for her to tell you to remove those photos. Oh absolutely not that person's just as disgusting as the girlfriend! You were right and blocking her number and all of her friends numbers., And Hill even your sisters. How is she going to go and tell them? She snooped through your phone and deleted all the photos of your late wife. And they feel she's in the right. My guess is she did not tell them the whole truth. One last thing, for her to call you "creepy" for keeping nudes of a dead girl. That is beyond fucjed up, that's your late wife, You weren't taken nudes of dead girls that ex-girlfriend needs some extensive therapy. She is f****d up in the head
OP rushed things for sure. His wife passed away, and he started a new relationship merely 12 months later. That's way too soon. The new woman in his life deserved to be the sole focus of his attention and not be forced to share him with his deceased wife. If OP wanted to keep a few pictures of his late wife, he should've uploaded them to his computer or a thumb drive. Keeping them on his phone means that he wanted to look at them all the time. And that, in turn, means that he wasn't ready for a dedicated new relationship. His girlfriend is much better off without him.
It said that he had told her he was widowed, the shock was that the photos were still on his phone
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One year is a normal mourning period. For some, the loneliness is too much and they need new companionship. Others need more time to grieve and are comfortable doing that alone. We ought not to judge.
Load More Replies... Well, there goes my faith in humanity. How cruel can you be? Dating as an adult comes with baggage. Most often, the person you fall in love with has loved someone else in the past. Don't see that as a threat. Be grateful that the former partner helped them become the person you love now. Honour the whole of their journey instead of demanding they delude you and themselves into believing you're where it starts. OP dodged a huge bullet, and I hope and pray he gets his photos back.
Excellent reply! You nailed it (from another cat lady)
Load More Replies... To whoever needs to hear this. You don't stop loving a departed spouse. Most people find room in their hearts to love again but don't expect them to forget the love they lost, it's just not like that.
I was never a fan of that show "Sister Wives." I find the concept... patriarchal. But there's one line that was great. "Love doesn't divide; it multiplies."
Load More Replies... Never use one device to store photos. I have copies from my phone to the laptop and external hard-drive.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don't go back to that woman.
I do so hope he was able to retrieve at least some of his photos. That vicious little harpy will get hers. I'm just glad she won't be around to detail his grief journey. God bless you, OP. I hope you find some solace and healing.
At least as young as the ex-GF is, hopefully she has space to grow up and change and learn. She was obviously insecure from the start, worrying he was cheating. She needs to get more secure in herself and her own life before she partners up. But I agree she was evil in this case. I just hope she changes. Though the OP should never take her back.
Load More Replies... she's an horrendous human being and so are her friends that agree with her
I'll be she told her friends that he was keeping pictures of his ex on his phone. Never mentioned that she was his dead wife.
Load More Replies... Imagine if they had kids! Can we spell 'wicked stepmother?' I recall reading an article of a woman who poisoned her partner's kids from a previous relationship. Sometimes capital punishment is a Really Good Thing!
Load More Replies... I (then 50) met my boyfriend (then 53) only five months after his wife died of breast cancer. That sadness, grief and regret were a big part of him at that time. We talked about his wife, I acknowledged the importance of their relationship. I never- not once- felt intimidated by their love. I felt like she would want me to love him. He's a great guy..and he loves me with all his heart. We're lucky to have found one another. It's been over five years since her death. He still has a picture of her in her wedding dress, in the living room, with a battery operated candle that he keeps going. I think it's his way of honoring and remembering her. The picture doesn't bother me. He can leave it there forever if he'd like. We do live separately (my youngest just turned 18, so soon we'll buy a house together). But I'm at his house a lot. As best friends I think it's important to support each other. He's been a great support to me.
You're mature adults who understand that you've both walked long, winding, sometimes broken pathways. You're honouring how those roads led you to one another, and that's beautiful.
Load More Replies... I think TheyCallMeCool had the best reply. I can understand GF being a bit jealous but what she did is absolutely horrible. NTA. I'm glad he kicked her out. I hope the pictures can be recovered.
What she did was theft. She stole your mementos. You can try to see if they are backed up to a computer too. Or the cloud. Honestly would this happen if it was a pet you had thats passed and then got a new one with her? Oh toss that it's in the past. She needs help. Too clingy. And those were moments in your life. I wouldn't care about the nudes either. It's like a painting of a nude. You loved her and her body an it was part of your life. You kept that private at least. Try the cloud and any backed up services too. Even if you messaged a photo to someone maybe they have a copy for you. And next time keep your phone password private. Regardless why they need it or you need to prove you're loyal. I'd never ask someone to prove it if I trusted them.
Utterly NTA. If my gf did that to photos of my late wife, she would be out of here so fast that there'd be a sonic boom. Anything like that, you should also make backup copies, in case you lost your phone, but for someone to deliberately delete them, just makes my blood boil.
When you enter into an intimate relationship with a widowed person, you do so with the knowledge that, even if they love you unreservedly now, there always be a place in their heart for their lost loved one. You should even happily share in their memories, as their past has made them the person you love today.
This is really old. I seriously hope he's found someone who's not crazy to be with by now.
Your NTA OP. That lady was a Psycho. You deserve much better. Sorry for your loss.
Besides kicking her out of your life, I would pursue any criminal or civil charges possible. I would sue her for emotional distress, and NO, I do NOT care if she has "issues." She doe snot deserve sympathy for those issues either. Actions have consequences, and she deserves to suffer them. At the bare minimum, you need to sue her in small claims cost for every penny you spend to recover those photos plus your legal fees.
I just hope he'll be able to get the pics back. That lady is horrible.
Always keep a backup of what is important, and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Especially phones are prone to breaking down, as many of them live a really hard life, so don't count on them as a safe way to store precious information. That being said, a phone is basically a computer, and what happens when you delete files on a computer is pretty much just that it overwrites the index telling you where you can find your things, and then it frees up that part of the memory so other programs can write data to it. So there is a chance that the pictures are still in there, you just need special software that can find them and rewrite the index. But if you continue to use the phone/computer, that information will slowly be overwritten in time and they get corrupted and will get lost. So turn off the phone and get someone to dig out what images there still may be in there.
After losing all my childhood videos in a fire, I am very serious about backups now. Everything is triple (or more) backup up - at home, on the cloud, and on a hard drive in a locker at work. To have everything on 'one' fragile, losable device is just asking for it. I honestly cant comprehend how he claims to have lost 95% of the photos of her this way - do people really not ever back up their photos? Especially of someone you had time to get married to?
Load More Replies... At 23, she is clearly too immature for a grown up relationship. I don't understand people that say widows/widowers should just "get over it". It's not like a break up! There was no closure or issues that caused the relationship to end. He will always love her, and should! It would b a ref flag to me if he got rid of every and acted like his late wife never existed
Reading this almost made me cry and certainly made me angry. I lost my husband 14 years ago and the thought of someone destroying all our photos together breaks my heart. I've been with my fiancé now for 6 years and not once did he ever ask me to get rid of anything I might still have from my late husband. My fiancé understands that our relationship is solid and I love him, but that there's always a place in my heart for my late husband. And yes, I still keep a small framed photo of the two of us in a side table and that's okay.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you seem to have moved on in a healthy, positive manner. All the best to you.
Load More Replies... This person is young. At their age I did not have the healthiest idea of relationships either, but I was not yet married, let alone widowed. My heart goes out to them.. I hope in the future they will recognize that anyone who requires their phone passcode to 'prove' they're faithful is not worth it.
Holy s**t..... what she did was unconscionable. After my stepmom passed away, my dad started dating another woman. I did not like her, but really it was bc she was only 2 years older than me and tried to tell me she was my new "mom". Yeah. Anyway, she tried to throw everything of my moms away- when they split and my dad moved on to someone else, this woman helped him create a wall of memories for my step mom; all her pics and accomplishments, her Sheriffs badge, etc. I thought that was really sweet of her to do this. Why anyone in their right mind would delete pics off someone else's phone is beyond me. I don't even go into my husbands phone. Bc I trust him. Obviously this chick doesn't trust him, so it's better that they split anyway.
In a word: BACKUP. Back up photos, texts, documents... Anything you want to keep. External hard drives are cheap and easy to use. Girlfriend is a creep and needed to be kicked to the curb. There is no time limit or "right" way to mourn.
I think it's more like 30him/70her ESH. For him, he wasn't ready to date, being as hung up on his dead wife as he still is. That makes him a 30% AH for not only dating but having her move in, when he also knew she is a clingy person with security issues. Meanwhile, she is a solid 70AH for going bonkers and basically doing the digital version of burning his ex's photos. Both are immature.
I don't know what is an 'appropriate' amount of time to grieve for a loved one - whether it be parent, sibling, partner/spouse or offspring. I believe that we each have the right to grieve in our own way as long as it doesn't affect our ability to function or it doesn't harm others e.g young children in particular. No-one has the right to tell another to 'get over it,' we don't know the depth of emotion and grief that one person feels even in a single household. One child rallies and moves on, another still stumbles emotionally, trying to come to grips with a loss. I know someone who was a widower in the morning and by evening he was a bachelor. I know another who went through the motions after his wife died, but died a few years after she did. One of his children eulogised that he died of a broken heart; knowing them as I did for several years I happen to agree. Perhaps he should have waited a little longer before dating. Listen to your gut, not well meaning friends.
Ouch. She needs to be dumped forever. It can be hard being the next girl after a man's partner actually dies. She may forever be put on a pedestal. But, given time that man learns to move on and focus on his new partner. How can you be jealous of pictures of a dead woman? The fact he kept them on there and she had access to his phone shows he had nothing to hide or for her to worry about. He needs to find someone more understanding and less um, psycho?
Have been married for over 41 years. My former husband (6 months) had been married off and on since he was 14. I told him to take 6 months. Stay out of the bars. Away from the women. Spend some time figuring out what HE wanted out of life. He did it. A couple years later he remarried. We had lunch one day. He said his new wife "is jealous of you. I keep telling her she shouldn't be jealous. She should be grateful. If you hadn't knocked me into shape she wouldn't be able to live with me, either."
That's honouring the journey. Being grateful to the person's past for making them into who they are. Obviously you did a good job of making him better. Kudos.
Load More Replies... Never understood the whole "jealousy" thing. If you're jealous, especially of someone who's dead, you shouldn't be in ANY kind of relationship. Most people didn't just appear last week. They have pasts. And other people. And you aren't the only one ever in their lives.
If she felt what she was doing was right, she would have had a conversation. Not try and do it when he's not around his phone and then just wait for him to find them missing. She 100% knew
Wtf did I just read?! I'd love meeting a guy who appreciated his former relationships, no matter how they ended. Sick and tired of so many guys trash-talking their former partners. I think CatLady said it best, but appreciating all the people who crossed your life's path is the right thing to do, not erasing them completely from your life. Especially not when they were positive influences.
Bored panda really so low on content that they're digging through years old reddit posts
This may be 'years old reddit posts" but, make no mistake - somebody somewhere is dealing with the same problem right now.
Load More Replies... Am I the only one to think that this entire situation is a bit crazy? GF should not have deleted the pics but OP needs to give himself more time to grieve. By the looks of it he got into a new relationship after a few months, then moved in with this new person after 4 months and he's solely blaming his now ex GF. OP needs to take some accountability too and not rushed into a new relationship.
This post is old. I'm hoping that he got his pics back and got some grief counselling to sort his feelings out better. Some widowed folks do seek out new companionship soon (I don't judge; it depends on the person), but I don't think he was truly ready.
Load More Replies... Yeah, he should not let that crazy girl back into his life. Sounds like a set up for future abusive and controlling behaviour if she went that far so quickly in their relationship. Very possessive. Reminds me of this British documentary where a man was almost killed by his girlfriend about repeatedly abusing him. He should have given himself more time to heal from his wife’s death before dating again. And be more discerning in the future. If someone shows you red flags, walk on past. You ain’t changing them with your love and it ain’t worth it to your self-esteem just to have a warm body in your life. Better to be alone.
If you subscribe to Amazon Prime, it includes *unlimited* photo storage, including RAW files. Just go to photos.amazon.com to get started. If you subscribe to Office 365, it includes 1 TB of cloud storage via OneDrive. Google gives you 15 GB of free online storage. You can backup photos via photos.google.com (there's a setting to reduce the size and resolution, so you can squeeze more photos into the 15 GB). Unfortunately this 15 GB is shared with all other Google services like Gmail. All of these have ways to sync photos on your phone, tablet, and computer. Use them. OneDrive and Google can also be used to backup videos (or any other type of file). You can also use YouTube to "backup" unlimited videos (just mark them as private).
You are not the *a*s*s*h*o*l*e* !!! The so-called girlfriend is and anyone who takes her side, including any of your family members. You have every right to have pictures of your deceased wife on your phone. You don't stop loving someone just because they are no longer with you. Take your phone to someone/company that can find the pictures of your wife. Nothing is ever really deleted supposedly. You probably did start dating too soon. I've heard that people grieve for different amounts of time and in different ways. Only start dating if and when you are ready, not because other people are pushing you to date.
Clearly she has no respect for others privacy and no respect for boundaries but I think her comment about "having photos of a dead girl" is really what takes the cake, because not only does it speaks volumes of her lack of emotional maturity but it cements the fact that she knew who it was, she knew that she had passed away, and yet she brought up the fact that his wife was dead and gone just to hurt him even more! Most of the time, most people out there are going to have some kind of relationship history or past relationships before meet the person that they're currently with. It doesn't matter what trust issues you personally have, you have to be an adult and accept that people had a past before they met you.
I'm sorry, but giving the GF full access to the phone was a very bad move. It didn't help her insecurities, only fed them. She would have interepreted even a text/email from a coworker as cheating & freaked out over those too. I hope the pics are recoverable, but OP is better off w/o that nutter.
This whole provision of phone passwords to insecure partners thing is just a sign that the relationship is over. If they don't trust you without that, they shouldn't be in a relationship with you. I mean really - "I don't trust you, but I'll *sleep* IN YOUR BED"? How logical is that? A healthy loving relationship includes trust, boundaries, and personal space/privacy. I celebrated my 29th wedding anniversary yesterday... I don't read my partner's messages, I don't open his mail, and I don't go through his drawers. He wouldn't care if I did, because he trusts me, but I don't anyway, I don't need to because I trust him. And yeah... NTA, she is immature and totally self-absorbed, what a horrible, thoughtless thing to do!
That skrag is worse than the one who cheated on her. And then other scum DEFENDS her abuse and violations instead of respecting his grief? GTFO.
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run as far as possible from this crazy b***h!!!! this is absolutely outrageous, a deal breaker. so disrespectful and entitled!!!! you can't imagine how mad I am right now just by reading your post.
Ah, kids - a lot of immaturity from that GF. It's absolutely not okay to try and retcon someone's life like that. Even the saucy photos: it's up to the OP to decide whether he wants to delete them or not. Even if he wasn't attached to those memories, it's still not okay to do that without consent. OP did the right thing by throwing her out.
There is no way that this one is real. Not because I don’t believe that someone might be jealous and evil and do that but nothing about that post made me think grieving widower who’s just lost the photos of his dead wife. It just completely missed all of the emotion that someone who had experienced that would have oozing out of them.
Honestly, if my now-wife would hang on to photos of her ex, naked photos no less, I'd have an issue with that. But the ex is not dead. So that may be different. I think the girlfriend was not in the right and she sounds like a freak but OP needs to be aware of the fact that a new relationship usually involves "getting rid" of the previous ones. Also: don't give other people your phone password, unless it's someone you. trust your with life
Agreed! Yes it was malicious for the ex to delete anything out of his phone, but I wouldn't be cool with the photos either dead or alive. Which is why you don't go through peoples phone period then get upset with what you find. Clearly, he hasn't had time to heal or move on before starting a new relationship with an insecure woman which makes him the AH for giving her his password to calm her insecurities.
Load More Replies... You gave her your passwords to ease her insecurities? That right, there is a huge red flag.. Her insecurities are hers to deal with. She should have taken that s*** to therapy. What she did was crossed boundaries that there is no coming back from. She's absolute garbage. And I am so glad to hear You. Tossed her out in the streets where she belongs. For someone in the original comments to say it would be perfectly acceptable for her to tell you to remove those photos. Oh absolutely not that person's just as disgusting as the girlfriend! You were right and blocking her number and all of her friends numbers., And Hill even your sisters. How is she going to go and tell them? She snooped through your phone and deleted all the photos of your late wife. And they feel she's in the right. My guess is she did not tell them the whole truth. One last thing, for her to call you "creepy" for keeping nudes of a dead girl. That is beyond fucjed up, that's your late wife, You weren't taken nudes of dead girls that ex-girlfriend needs some extensive therapy. She is f****d up in the head
OP rushed things for sure. His wife passed away, and he started a new relationship merely 12 months later. That's way too soon. The new woman in his life deserved to be the sole focus of his attention and not be forced to share him with his deceased wife. If OP wanted to keep a few pictures of his late wife, he should've uploaded them to his computer or a thumb drive. Keeping them on his phone means that he wanted to look at them all the time. And that, in turn, means that he wasn't ready for a dedicated new relationship. His girlfriend is much better off without him.
It said that he had told her he was widowed, the shock was that the photos were still on his phone
Load More Replies... One year is a normal mourning period. For some, the loneliness is too much and they need new companionship. Others need more time to grieve and are comfortable doing that alone. We ought not to judge.
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