Man Asks The Internet If He Overreacted After His Brother Repeatedly Body-Shamed His Wife
Warm sibling relationships—those with more affection and intimacy than conflict—are a great source of emotional support. But when things don’t work out, the safe haven that is your family quickly turns into a battlefield where insults are the guns and hurt feelings are the main objective.
Two days ago, a man (also referred to as the original poster, or OP) submitted a story to the popular ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ subreddit, asking its 4 million members to share their take on the friction between him and his brother.
Everything started when the sibling, who had just gone through a divorce, crashed at the man’s place—the guest began objectifying OP’s wife, commenting on the weight she had gained. And it got so bad that he just had to react.
After his brother went through a messy divorce, this man offered to let him stay at his place
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
But it wasn’t long before he felt like he had to kick his sibling out
Image credits: Kaboompics .com (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
Chris doesn’t think that his words can hurt anyone, but as life and wellness coach Alice E. Schluger, who also has a Ph.D. in psychology, pointed out, body-shaming may be considered a form of bullying. And it’s not exclusive to one group of people.
“Although body-shaming is usually associated with fat-shaming, people of all sizes and shapes can bear the brunt of this cruelty,” Dr. Schluger explained. “Being very slender, I have been subjected to irritating comments, such as ‘Don’t you eat?’ or ‘You eat like a bird.’ Even in a joking manner, remarks about what or how much food people are eating constitute body-shaming. People may think it’s a compliment to say how lucky you are to be thin, but words can be harmful especially if you’re already self-conscious about your weight. Even though you may not intend to hurt someone’s feelings, you may inadvertently be engaging in body-shaming.”
While Chris’s comments are definitely extreme, many of us can engage in body-shaming without even knowing it. That’s how deep we as a society have internalized it.
“How many times have you said to yourself that you feel fat or asked others if you look fat? You may not realize it, but these are also body-shaming practices,” Dr. Schluger said. “It implies that being fat is unattractive and something to be ashamed of. Let’s face it—we only have a certain degree of control over our genetic makeup and metabolism. Although people don’t choose to be overweight, weight biases remain widespread in many societies and the fat-shaming practices continue. This becomes a vicious cycle because the shame of weight discrimination contributes to stress and more weight gain.”
So even if you have the best intentions, guilt-tripping someone into what you think is better for them will probably cause the opposite effect.
The sad part is that Chris refused to hear what his brother was telling him. Even if he was to look at the whole situation from an egoistic point of view—a longitudinal study of university students found that when pursuing personal goals, sibling support is as advantageous as that from parents and peers—he probably should apologize if he wants to stay in contact with his brother.
Here’s the discussion that followed the publication of this story
Obviously NTA. And its so disgusting when men do this. "You are only worthy if i find you attractive" or that every woman should conform after his taste, whatever it takes. Like women are only objects to them. The entitlement and audacity. Creepy.
And a lot of the time the men who say these things look ugly as hell themselves.
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After the first comment I would have kicked his sexist sorry ar$e out, no excuses. And then tell him as he goes that that’s why he’s getting divorced. What a d*ck
So the brother is a straight up misogynist who feels women exist solely for him and if we don't look to his standard of beauty we're fat and ugly? She should starve herself to meet his standard. How disgusting. I hope his ex wife took half his money.
Hmm, if the ah is so rich, why does he have to crash at his brother's place? If the story is true, it's no wonder why he got himself a bitter divorce and well done to the brother to kick that sh.. out.
I don't think it's true, it comes off more as a humble brag on the OPs part. And now that you mention it, I don't even know why he included the brother's financial situation in the story. It has zero relevance here.
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"He believes that every woman should subscribe to his type. Any woman who doesn’t fit his preference, is automatically ugly and unloveable." OP neededn't have said anything else. His brother is a misogynistic a*****e, case closed. However I gotta wonder about the validity of the story, when OP says his wife was a sports model--a job that generally requires one to have visible muscle definition - as severely underweight and lacking muscle.
To be honest, photoshop exists. Lights and make up do wonders, too, to give the muscles a more pronounced, defined look than what they actually are like, which explains how she had to be underweight for her muscles to shine through with the right lights and make up on the abdomen area.
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Agree he ignoring borders in so many ways.. If I were the woman, he would have been roasted with his first comment
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With all the money the brother has- maybe he could buy some class and manners
If he put your wife through this hell for a few days, what kind of behavior did his wife have to endure because of his vison of a perfect woman. You are a better person than me because, not only would I have commented the same and kicked him out, I would emphasize that, had he not only finalized his divorce, I would have gladly been a witness for his ex as to the irrationality of his behavior.
“Any woman who doesn’t match his type is instantly ugly to him” was already a red flag. First of all, your wife is now at a HEALTHY weight instead of being SEVERELY UNDERWEIGHT, and your brother thinks healthy weight is ugly?! Second, your brother’s birth certificate was obviously a fake because there’s no way you’re related to that a$$hole. Third, awesome comeback to his “I should marry the right version of your wife” comment. Lastly, NTA but your brother is as I can see why his ex divorced him.
I mean, yeah, no surprise he's divorced, with his attitude to women and such a delightful personality. It's a miracle somebody agreed to marry him in the first place, but she seems to have fixed this mistake, so that's alright now. NTA, if you have no problems crossing other people's boundaries, you shouldn be able to take what you serve.
Apart from him being terribly rude to her, why is he essentially making it obvious that he fancies his brothers wife? As the husband, I would fixate on that as well ' why are you looking at my wife's body anyway?' Totally inappropriate and glad he chucked him out. What a tool!
Glad he did the divorce dig. AH like the brother need to be fed crow before getting the boot
He is doing this because of his own failure. He tries to focus on what he deems is someone else's, even if it does not exist. His wife probably could not live up to his supposed standard, so they divorced. She took him for all she could- gee, women must all be bad- LOL He is a pathetic person. He'd be out on his a*s after the first comment. Cripes, he has enough money.
THANK YOU for standing up for your wife. Your brother is an @$$ who likely only wants a trophy wife and not a lifelong companion. I pity him.
If the brother is so rich why isn't he staying at a nice hotel or go rent a condo? Did he get his "nasty" divorce for abusing his ex, too? Did he leave with just his toothbrush so has to find a couch to sleep on? There's more going on here and I suspect OP isn't telling the whole story. It's not like Brother just became a woman hating Jag all of a sudden. And OP has to ask strangers on Reddit if it was OK to kick the brother out? Having his lovely wife bullied and put down wasn't a good enough reason to do it, like right after his first c**p came out of the brother's mouth? Grow up, dude, and grow a pair. And whether the wife was a former Hottie Model or not or is a "plain" regular woman you're married to, it shouldn't matter or be so much a part of the story. It's your wife. It's your house. Your brother is a toxic a*s. Grow up.
My father is like that. His ideal is from the 1980s. Board thin, no boobies or butt. He criticizes women strictly on weight, but I think he's even worse with men. Too fat, too thin, too bald, the list never ends. Especially since his stroke, he's had no filter. He does it in public. I'm in charge of taking him to appointments and it's embarrassing!
if the brother was "so wealthy" he shouldnt have needed to move in with op in the first place, no wonder his wife divorced his pathetic a*s
As usual, I am stumped beyond comprehension as to why people have to run to Reddit to post personal stuff and just can't deal with it themselves. You have a gaping as$hole for a brother and yet have to ask total strangers if it was ok to do what you did so you don't feel what..guilty? Did anyone reply, "yes you're an a*s for kicking your rich, misogynist abusive brother out for bullying your wife? If so ,then what? These people make my head hurt.
Dude you are so NTA but your brother is a major fu king one. Kudos to you for standing up for your wife. No wonder he’s divorced. Who would want to live with that piece of s**t for ever ? He’s got some serious growing up to do . F**k him .
NTA, if that was my brother, I would have knocked his a*s out and set him outside while unconscious.
Naw. It had to be said. Bro was a d**k and wasn't stopping. He prob didn't get a fight with his ex and was pushing for one from his wife over weight. F**k him.
Your brother is a piece of s**t and should be treated as such. NTA 3000.
Obviously NTA. And its so disgusting when men do this. "You are only worthy if i find you attractive" or that every woman should conform after his taste, whatever it takes. Like women are only objects to them. The entitlement and audacity. Creepy.
And a lot of the time the men who say these things look ugly as hell themselves.
Load More Replies... After the first comment I would have kicked his sexist sorry ar$e out, no excuses. And then tell him as he goes that that’s why he’s getting divorced. What a d*ck
So the brother is a straight up misogynist who feels women exist solely for him and if we don't look to his standard of beauty we're fat and ugly? She should starve herself to meet his standard. How disgusting. I hope his ex wife took half his money.
Hmm, if the ah is so rich, why does he have to crash at his brother's place? If the story is true, it's no wonder why he got himself a bitter divorce and well done to the brother to kick that sh.. out.
I don't think it's true, it comes off more as a humble brag on the OPs part. And now that you mention it, I don't even know why he included the brother's financial situation in the story. It has zero relevance here.
Load More Replies... "He believes that every woman should subscribe to his type. Any woman who doesn’t fit his preference, is automatically ugly and unloveable." OP neededn't have said anything else. His brother is a misogynistic a*****e, case closed. However I gotta wonder about the validity of the story, when OP says his wife was a sports model--a job that generally requires one to have visible muscle definition - as severely underweight and lacking muscle.
To be honest, photoshop exists. Lights and make up do wonders, too, to give the muscles a more pronounced, defined look than what they actually are like, which explains how she had to be underweight for her muscles to shine through with the right lights and make up on the abdomen area.
Load More Replies... Agree he ignoring borders in so many ways.. If I were the woman, he would have been roasted with his first comment
Load More Replies... With all the money the brother has- maybe he could buy some class and manners
If he put your wife through this hell for a few days, what kind of behavior did his wife have to endure because of his vison of a perfect woman. You are a better person than me because, not only would I have commented the same and kicked him out, I would emphasize that, had he not only finalized his divorce, I would have gladly been a witness for his ex as to the irrationality of his behavior.
“Any woman who doesn’t match his type is instantly ugly to him” was already a red flag. First of all, your wife is now at a HEALTHY weight instead of being SEVERELY UNDERWEIGHT, and your brother thinks healthy weight is ugly?! Second, your brother’s birth certificate was obviously a fake because there’s no way you’re related to that a$$hole. Third, awesome comeback to his “I should marry the right version of your wife” comment. Lastly, NTA but your brother is as I can see why his ex divorced him.
I mean, yeah, no surprise he's divorced, with his attitude to women and such a delightful personality. It's a miracle somebody agreed to marry him in the first place, but she seems to have fixed this mistake, so that's alright now. NTA, if you have no problems crossing other people's boundaries, you shouldn be able to take what you serve.
Apart from him being terribly rude to her, why is he essentially making it obvious that he fancies his brothers wife? As the husband, I would fixate on that as well ' why are you looking at my wife's body anyway?' Totally inappropriate and glad he chucked him out. What a tool!
Glad he did the divorce dig. AH like the brother need to be fed crow before getting the boot
He is doing this because of his own failure. He tries to focus on what he deems is someone else's, even if it does not exist. His wife probably could not live up to his supposed standard, so they divorced. She took him for all she could- gee, women must all be bad- LOL He is a pathetic person. He'd be out on his a*s after the first comment. Cripes, he has enough money.
THANK YOU for standing up for your wife. Your brother is an @$$ who likely only wants a trophy wife and not a lifelong companion. I pity him.
If the brother is so rich why isn't he staying at a nice hotel or go rent a condo? Did he get his "nasty" divorce for abusing his ex, too? Did he leave with just his toothbrush so has to find a couch to sleep on? There's more going on here and I suspect OP isn't telling the whole story. It's not like Brother just became a woman hating Jag all of a sudden. And OP has to ask strangers on Reddit if it was OK to kick the brother out? Having his lovely wife bullied and put down wasn't a good enough reason to do it, like right after his first c**p came out of the brother's mouth? Grow up, dude, and grow a pair. And whether the wife was a former Hottie Model or not or is a "plain" regular woman you're married to, it shouldn't matter or be so much a part of the story. It's your wife. It's your house. Your brother is a toxic a*s. Grow up.
My father is like that. His ideal is from the 1980s. Board thin, no boobies or butt. He criticizes women strictly on weight, but I think he's even worse with men. Too fat, too thin, too bald, the list never ends. Especially since his stroke, he's had no filter. He does it in public. I'm in charge of taking him to appointments and it's embarrassing!
if the brother was "so wealthy" he shouldnt have needed to move in with op in the first place, no wonder his wife divorced his pathetic a*s
As usual, I am stumped beyond comprehension as to why people have to run to Reddit to post personal stuff and just can't deal with it themselves. You have a gaping as$hole for a brother and yet have to ask total strangers if it was ok to do what you did so you don't feel what..guilty? Did anyone reply, "yes you're an a*s for kicking your rich, misogynist abusive brother out for bullying your wife? If so ,then what? These people make my head hurt.
Dude you are so NTA but your brother is a major fu king one. Kudos to you for standing up for your wife. No wonder he’s divorced. Who would want to live with that piece of s**t for ever ? He’s got some serious growing up to do . F**k him .
NTA, if that was my brother, I would have knocked his a*s out and set him outside while unconscious.
Naw. It had to be said. Bro was a d**k and wasn't stopping. He prob didn't get a fight with his ex and was pushing for one from his wife over weight. F**k him.
Your brother is a piece of s**t and should be treated as such. NTA 3000.
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