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Woman Refuses To Learn Boyfriend’s Native Language Because “It’s Ugly” Despite Living There For 5 Years, Drama Ensues
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Relationships1 month ago

Woman Refuses To Learn Boyfriend’s Native Language Because “It’s Ugly” Despite Living There For 5 Years, Drama Ensues

Recently, this story a 28-year-old Dutch man posted on the AITA subreddit attracted everyone’s attention. In a lengthy post, the Redditor Bruvikmage shared how he’s been living with his Italian girlfriend in one of the Netherlands’ cities.

Apparently, the 25-year-old woman, who has spent already 5 years in his country, doesn’t particularly enjoy the Dutch way of living, especially the language part of it. “She is living here for 5 years, and we are dating for almost 2 years. She speaks no Dutch and makes no effort to learn. Even simple phrases/greetings, she won’t bother with them,” the author explained.

Although he finds it weird and frustrating that she doesn’t put any effort into learning his language, his girlfriend thinks that Dutch is “difficult, sounds ugly, and she doesn’t need it for her work or social life, so what’s the point?”

As you may suspect, the point came when this got on the author’s nerves and he simply blew up.

Recently, a frustrated man shared how his girlfriend refused to learn his native language although she’s been living in his country for 5 years

Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)

Learning Dutch while living in the Netherlands has been long a subject of heated debate on expat forums. While it’s no secret that most people coming from abroad don’t hurry to learn this West Germanic language, especially when the Dutch speak English so well, the question remains whether they should start to at some point.

However, when expats start to settle in the Netherlands, they realize they’re not as literate as they previously thought. Many of them won’t be able to read their bills, official government documents (immigration papers, drivers license info, immunization notices, etc.), menus, the push/pull sign on doors, etc.

Many expats also find it pretty difficult to stick to speaking Dutch, especially in the beginning, because the locals instantly switch to English if they see them struggling. No wonder many expats give up, but is it the only way? Well, tell us what you think in the comments below!

The author later gave some more information about the whole situation

Many people were on the author’s side

While others thought nobody is right in this situation

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DrBronxx
Community Member
1 month ago

Sounds to me like the OP is feeling more disrespect towards his country/culture, rather than simply being annoyed that she doesn't want to learn the language. Insulting the language on top of that is just, well, insulting. We all make efforts for our partners, and it sounds like she isn't doing that (well, on this front, anyway. She could be making lots of effort on other fronts).

Groundcontroltomajortom
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

She seems like she's coming off a bit arrogant to me? Like she's too good to speak their language which is incredibly rude. Calling a language ugly is just downright disrespectful.

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Marco Valkenberg
Community Member
1 month ago

I think it's very rude. I also live in The Netherlands in Amsterdam. And yes we all speak English and switch to English very fast if we hear someone does not speak Dutch. It has come to the point that even the employees in stores don't speak Dutch (because everyone speaks English). I think it's very bad. Not all Dutch people speak fluent English. So they struggle to get some service. If you live here please learn our beautiful language. And The Dutch have to be a bit more helpful and speak more Dutch to help expats to be able to practice more :)

Sanne H.
Community Member
1 month ago

I used to be that Dutch person who switches to English, but a few years ago I stopped being that cooperative. My mother tongue is beautiful and rich of words in its own way, and I expect waiters and shopkeepers in The Netherlands to manage at least the basics of it if I visit their place. Plus if we speak English to them all the time, they will never learn and integrate well.

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Bi-Polar Express
Community Member
1 month ago

How do you manage to live somewhere for 5 years and not pick up any of the language?

DrBronxx
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

You'd be surprised. I've been in Japan for more than 10 years. My wife speaks almost perfect English, and her family all speak English to some degree as well. My job is entirely in English, and use of Japanese is discouraged most of the time. I had to go out of my way to learn Japanese, and it's really not as good as it should be.

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DrBronxx
Community Member
1 month ago

Sounds to me like the OP is feeling more disrespect towards his country/culture, rather than simply being annoyed that she doesn't want to learn the language. Insulting the language on top of that is just, well, insulting. We all make efforts for our partners, and it sounds like she isn't doing that (well, on this front, anyway. She could be making lots of effort on other fronts).

Groundcontroltomajortom
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

She seems like she's coming off a bit arrogant to me? Like she's too good to speak their language which is incredibly rude. Calling a language ugly is just downright disrespectful.

Load More Replies...
Marco Valkenberg
Community Member
1 month ago

I think it's very rude. I also live in The Netherlands in Amsterdam. And yes we all speak English and switch to English very fast if we hear someone does not speak Dutch. It has come to the point that even the employees in stores don't speak Dutch (because everyone speaks English). I think it's very bad. Not all Dutch people speak fluent English. So they struggle to get some service. If you live here please learn our beautiful language. And The Dutch have to be a bit more helpful and speak more Dutch to help expats to be able to practice more :)

Sanne H.
Community Member
1 month ago

I used to be that Dutch person who switches to English, but a few years ago I stopped being that cooperative. My mother tongue is beautiful and rich of words in its own way, and I expect waiters and shopkeepers in The Netherlands to manage at least the basics of it if I visit their place. Plus if we speak English to them all the time, they will never learn and integrate well.

Load More Replies...
Bi-Polar Express
Community Member
1 month ago

How do you manage to live somewhere for 5 years and not pick up any of the language?

DrBronxx
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

You'd be surprised. I've been in Japan for more than 10 years. My wife speaks almost perfect English, and her family all speak English to some degree as well. My job is entirely in English, and use of Japanese is discouraged most of the time. I had to go out of my way to learn Japanese, and it's really not as good as it should be.

Load More Replies...
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