Guy Comes Up With A Brilliant Plan To Intentionally Drink Before Family Gatherings To Dodge Babysitting Duties Which Usually Fall On Him
Recently, a childfree man turned to the AITA community for advice, where his story received a lot of attention. The author who goes by the handle Low-Ad-1414 explained how since he is the “cool uncle” in the family, his older siblings get to ‘dump’ their rather ‘difficult’ kids onto him.
“I’m not qualified or even capable to watch my brother’s 3 kids by myself as well as they need, plus their cousins (my sister’s kids) also want to spend time with their cousins so I’m sitting there by myself watching 5 kids aged 4-8 by myself, 3 of which may have special needs,” he explained.
As if that wasn’t enough, “my brother will give me a physical paper list of parental duties, a backpack with stuff for the kids, then turn his phone off in front of me then walk away after dumping his kids on me,” Low-Ad-1414 wrote.
For this reason, the author came up with a way to evade babysitting, even if that meant intentional drinking at family gatherings and being labeled “a drunk.”
A childfree man wonders if he is wrong to drink at family events in order to not babysit his siblings’ 5 kids and spend time with the whole family
Image cretits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Low-Ad-1414
The story grabbed many people’s attention as they shared their opinions in the comments where the author himself actively participated
"Of course I can washya kids brother, allll six of them..." *drunkenly falls over*
"Alright kids, cool uncle is here! Time for arts and crafts! Today, we'll be learning how to build things from this book *holds up the anarchist's cookbook*"
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Nta, but he's doing the thing where when you try to give him advice on how to handle it, he keeps giving you excuses as to why it won't work. "I tried, but-". I know people like this. It makes me think he might be a bit of a pushover in confrontations, which, clearly he is if he's allowing himself to be walked all over like this. Hopefully all the internet encouragement will help give him the backbone he needs. (Also, wanting your relatives to think well of you when they're unalive is a weird excuse. Obviously, they're all going to be watching everything you do from beyond the grave! They'll figure out how op really is, then!)
This is true. It is also true that when you enforce your boundaries, more often than not you become the one thought of as a problem in these situations. Not right, but true, and most people are too non confrontational to cope. This is where the get along go along aspects of our society fail us. If I have to get loud and repeat myself for you to hear me, that doesn't make me the problem. It's still you bro.
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Being the parent of a child on the spectrum, I will say that getting 2 minutes to yourself and some peace is a luxury. But I would never dare dump my son on friends and family without their permission and with a full understanding of what they are getting themselves into. The saddest part here is that your brother refuses to get the kids tested. Finding out they are on the spectrum can open a whole lot of doors for them in services for developmentally disabled kids...like respite care where someone will come and watch the kids for a few hours so mom and dad can decompress. They also have services that will help with household chores and occupational/physical/speech therapy to help them develop into functioning adults.
He also says that they are homeschooled in a very rural area, so even if they aren't on the spectrum, they could be very limited in terms of socialization.
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That was me and church. My mother used to make me go with her and my dad on Christmas even though I repeatedly asked/said I didn't want to go. As soon as I turned 21, I started getting buzzed Christmas Eve so I wouldn't have to go. It worked. My mom gave up and I stopped going to church for any reason. Everyone is much happier now.
Oh HELL NO! Childfree at 37 and that's exactly how I want my life to be. Definitely NTA! I get drunk at every family gathering as it is the only way to deal with them. I get it! As a child free adult, I enjoy money in my pocket, freedom and I get to experience life at its best! I have a niece and she's one. She's the joy of my life honestly. I get her for 8 hours a few times a month. I get to send her back home. We have a nice bond and I enjoy taking her to do things her parents don't. We go hiking and exploring together. She loves nature and so do I! Her parents don't push me to do anything I can't or am not willing to do. So stand your ground dude!
Stop caring what your stupid relatives think of you. Are they chaining you to the kids' area? Just don't go there. Don't put your hand out to take the list or the backpack. Hang out with the adults and refuse to check in on the kids. I was relaxing in a hammock at a family reunion when my young cousins began running around me and generally being obnoxious. I got the feeling their parents sent them over to get them out of the way. One little girl poured a full glass of soda on me. I quietly asked her to come with me. I guided her to the drinks table and proceeded to pour an entire LITER of soda over her head. Her mother screamed at me. My aunt asked me why I did it and I calmly explained this is how I handle bad behavior from kids. She paused for a moment, then told me I did the right thing. As for the rest of the family at the picnic, I don't know what they thought about it and I didn't care then, and I don't care now.
It's obvious you have more balls than him. OP grow a pair
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My nephew an his gf have two kids under 10. So ones barely out of diapers an the other is like 3 rd grade maybe. Idk. But any picnics they show up an family had to watch the kids. Ya say something like so n so is gonna jump off that swing an they be like oh gramps will go watch them. No. These are their kids they brought to an adult picnic. Watch ur damn kids. When they only had the one at my reception I said no kids on the invites cuz I didn't want that drama. Adult party adult fun. Not tripping over kids or loud iPads w games running on them that they aren't even playing with because wrecking the flowers is better.
Look up the going rate for day care in you area, multiply by how many kids you are taking care and then multiply by how many hours you were left watching them. When the parents get the approximate bill of around $200, they might re-think that "free" daycare. Follow through, let them know that you will turn it over to collections if they don't be pay.
Good gods, every body should be watching the kids, take turns, maybe have the 'adult' area close enough to keep and eye on them. Or watch them in teams of 2-3. If you need to write up a schedule, maybe make the other adults sign off on it. There is no reason for there to be a designated babysitter for the entire event
Yes why aren't grandpa and grandma watching them and anyone else who expects him to do it. The parents can take turns. Sister just dumps her kids there too. Weird.
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My in laws pulled this c**p. My then girlfriend used to live in another state so I only got to see her on the weekends. And every weekend we went to her place, the parents would tell us we needed to watch my girlfriend's sister's child who she had out of wedlock, because the sister "never got to go out". Meanwhile, my girlfriend and I were responsible, and we worked all week and didn't get to go out either, but my girlfriend was the middle child and so she was always overlooked and treated like an afterthought. Literally sacrificed her freedoms so that the other sister could go out and party and date and have fun. It was ridiculous. It got to the point where eventually she would just come to my house on the weekends and the parents would be like "why don't you come here anymore?"
I think my favorite part was the comment someone made about Bud Light and the Real Men of Genius!
Can I come to your family parties? I’m looking for an excuse to drink more too. 😂🤣😎
Good options were offered to the OP. However, he has rejected all of them with various excuses…yes, excuses, not reasons. Until such time that OP grows a spine, stops playing the victim role, stops fearing what his relatives may think of him, sets boundaries and sticks to them, he will continue to be used by his siblings. Alcohol is not needed. A firm “no” is what is needed. Suggestion: at the next gathering, man up, greet everyone,, then in everyone’s presence announce that you are there as an adult to socialize with the adult family members, NOT a babysitter, and express hopes that you will be granted this courtesy and respect. If the siblings insist on pushing their kids on you, say your good byes to all and LEAVE. Bet this will happen only once. Good luck. Be a man or continue to be a door mat on which your siblings wipe their feet.
Not only what relatives think of him now, but when they are unalive.
Load More Replies... Seems no matter what advice people give, OP comes back why can't. So in my opinion, OP should of never asked for advice & just keep drinking or watching the children
Has anyone thought of actually hiring a babysitter to mind the children ?
NTA, but he seriously needs to have a conversation with his family. His brother is apparently ignoring all protests, other family members seem to think he should be babysitting as long as he is not already drinking - he needs to consider whether his family are volunteering his babysitting services or if his brother is assuming. I can understand the parents if the brother and SIL are home schooling 3 kids all seemingly on the spectrum in a rural area they probably look forward to seeing family and adult time. But how he be expected to look 3 kids between the ages of 4-8 who are probably on the spectrum, one of whom is non-verbal and actively seeking hazards, when he only sees them maybe about once a year - I appreciate it depends upon where they are on the spectrum, but it doesn't sound safe, risk free and comfortable for all. Even kids not on the spectrum can get shy or upset around adults they've not seen in a long while.
The fact that half of the Reddit replies are just " have you thought of just 'saying no?'" Srsly tho, NTA, good on him.
Definitely NTA. I dont like kid, but I especially hate bad kids. Dont Efing bring them near me. If they gossip/question why you drink so much, tell them the truth. He needs to say that his siblings drive you to drink. When they p**n their kids on him and it causes stresses to the point of predrinking. Why the other adults dont step up to help watch them?. So what they do- nada-just dont give a dam.
Some of the comments mentions kids running around unsupervised in their homes, being completely ignored by their parents and actually breaking things? GTFO. You are NOT my friend if you were to behave like this IN MY HOME. I have no problem grabbing a destructive little sh*t by the arm and yelling at them to "Knock It Off". Parents don't like it - ok, GTFO and stay out until you learn how to be an actual parent.
Sounds like you ought to throw the whole family out if none of them want to even see the children. An alternative solution is to just ignore the children, walking over to the "adult's area" and just mindlessly repeating "They're fine!" or "They're not MY kids!" without looking to see if they actually are fine or even if there actually is a wolf.
NTA. The bro is TA in this. He has 0 right to make you a babysitter (for free) at family events. If he wants a babysitter HIRE one. I also worry how well they actually parent if they do this AND refuse to get their kids checked out to make sure they dont need specialized care. And the fact the family just blindly agrees to him about you being a drunk shows your family isnt exactly the best overall.
Should just say no, and when you hear "Well you're being a bad uncle" just say "Well, gee. And here I was thinking you just saw me as a free babysitter. Kick rocks brother dear." Gotta say, that's exactly what I do. "Watch the kids, yeah." Pfft! "Pay me, yeah." And ignore them. Or my absolute favorite. Oh, I'M watching your kids, am I? Alrighty kids! Time for a sugar high! Brothers REALLY don't like when I do that lol
Definitely NTA .. PARENTS should spring for a babysitter, not dump their evil spawn on someone else involuntarily and free of charge. I'd avoid family gatherings before I would tollerate that every time
I've been into a somewhat similar situation, no kids involved, though. In my immediate family I was educated to be the kid who could always run an errand to the grocery store and such as. My two sisters would usually be free of it cause, you know, they're girls and “you're a man”, you're getting the picture. But at family gatherings, with several cousins also available, it would always fall on me. I became “the family gopher” --for those unaware of the term, the gopher is the minion that “goes for things”--. Go help your uncles, go carry the heavy stuff, go to the store for (whatever). Either my direct & extended family educated me wrongly, or ACTUALLY I MYSELF educated them to treat me like that. I am corteous and dependable, but they learned to take advantage on me. And at some point I blew a gasket. So I quit family gatherings. Go let them find yet another slave. Everyone feels entitled in some manner so to not be the one running errands. My eldest sister was the only one...
detecting my specific reaction when I was all fed up, and inquired about it. I elaborated and she felt guilty cause she has disabilities; I clarified that her physical limitations are one thing, the entitlement and mistreatment of all the others is yet another. My mother inquired about it and trying to speak about it, in a civilized manner only led her to behave as an offended queen. So now the entire families on both sides know it, I'm off family gatherings beforehand. I only attend gatherings of any type, when I know I'm an attendant and not an indentured servant.
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He should skip an year and see how they fend for themselves! Then the next year he can tell them that he's not qualified to watch their kids and they really should be watching them themselves or paying for someone else to watch them because of their special needs. It's unfair to him to not be able to spend time with family and they are asking too much from him.
I would just not go, honestly and see how the fend without him! He can skip a year. Plus he should really talk to him brother and tell him he's not capable or qualified to watch his children and just refuse and ask him to watch his own kids or pay someone else to do it.
Should not the whole family watch the children? I have been in many big gathering (non family, friends) I was the oldest and took mainly care of the younger ones during dinner on our table but we all children and adults alike was in the same room, adults drinking and if they would need a smoke they would go outside ALONE. It is not good to binge drink before children but a little should barely make a difference.
There seems to be a lot of children at these family get togethers. Why don't they pull a babysitting fund together and hire someone who won't feel abused and used and ultimately resentful of their family members? Win/win and it avoids a future family intervention for the OP's "alcoholism."
I have 1 kid who is VERY well behaved usually. I stopped going to family events for this reason. For me, its "hey, you're watching your kid so watch ours too". Now its "sorry, I can't go because *making up some random bs excuse*". Gotta say, I haven't been happier. I make plans apart from family events to see said family.
If you read his replies on here, he responded that he has said no to them several times but they refuse to listen.
Load More Replies... https://www.care.com/babysitting-rates Calculate the going rate then quadruple it for each special needs child. With a drink in your hand tell them your going rate. If they don't like it walk off while drinking. If you have ever worked with a child with special needs, you know one adult is not enough for 1, let alone 1 in a room with multiple children. It is not safe for the child. Typical family behavior-you are single or childless so you drive to us, you don't have kids 'don't you want to spend time with the kids'....Then when something bad happens 'I thought you were watching them?!?' Not your pasture, not your b******t!
NTA! I have a big family we all have kids. When we get together my siblings us to think I am the sitter because I loved being around the kids and family. But I also have a son. So after talking to them and they still left their kids with me I decided not to show up to a couple events. When asked why I restated my frustration and told them if you want to see us I am not the babysitter. We all watch our kids or my son and I won't show up. That changed everything and now events are fun.
But why are the kids kept separate? Where I live all kids mingle with adults or play within near proximity within sight so everybody can keep an eye on them. I have a large family with quite a few kids but we never needed a designated babysitter. Kids need to learn how to behave around adults. Ants talk with nieces, take interest in them occassionally and uncles take interest in the nephews. Some kids enjoy helping out with foodpreparation or bring it around. They are not put away.
Lol p**n the kids off on someone else! Kinda like musical chairs but with kids. Misery loves company ….. HaHa. Also, people won’t take advantage of you unless you allow it!
Two little letters- "NO. I will not watch your children any more. They are YOUR problem. Don't ask me again." After that I wouldn't care what they thought of me.
There are no set qualifications when WATCHING (on the spectrum) Autistic/ADHD/Add children for a few hrs. Nonverbal: just feed them! You just have to love them and be stern when saying "no". My youngest out of four is on the spectrum and is treated like his siblings in all matters, and EXPECTED to do the same. He is very well capable, in fact, high functioning need to be treated as such (chores/discipline /quality time, etc)!
As a parent of a child on the spectrum, I can understand their need for a break but I would never expect my family to watch my kid at a gathering.
I have a similar situation with family gatherings except my niece is ten and thankfully the only one I've got; it used to be dozens of cousins and whatnot but the youngest of that generation just graduated and I don't see their kids much if ever. Used to be the oldest female and ALWAYS got stuck with watching the kids, hated it. Did a lot of after school stuff and even got a job after school to dodge holidays after years of it! My niece is the coolest little girl on the planet and she always wants to monopolize my attention when I go over to my brother's or my parents' when she's visiting which suits me fine because I like her the best of all of them anyway ;) really though, I wish I had learned to say no. I know if I had it would have just gotten me punished in some way but it would have been useful to learn for my adult life.
I have to laugh at anyone thinking that this is in any way 'brilliant'. What's brilliant is using your words like a grown adult.
That plan is not brilliant. Its dumb because you gonna end up alcoholic, when you can just say a hard NO. NO, its a full sentence not open for discussion.
Its pretty simple. He needs to learn how to say no. Honestly have no sympathy for this situation. He'd rather have his family think he's alcoholic than grow a spine and stand up for himself. Its also pretty messed up referring to the kids as "your brothers "f**k trophies." I think everyone involved are assholes.
"Of course I can washya kids brother, allll six of them..." *drunkenly falls over*
"Alright kids, cool uncle is here! Time for arts and crafts! Today, we'll be learning how to build things from this book *holds up the anarchist's cookbook*"
Load More Replies... Nta, but he's doing the thing where when you try to give him advice on how to handle it, he keeps giving you excuses as to why it won't work. "I tried, but-". I know people like this. It makes me think he might be a bit of a pushover in confrontations, which, clearly he is if he's allowing himself to be walked all over like this. Hopefully all the internet encouragement will help give him the backbone he needs. (Also, wanting your relatives to think well of you when they're unalive is a weird excuse. Obviously, they're all going to be watching everything you do from beyond the grave! They'll figure out how op really is, then!)
This is true. It is also true that when you enforce your boundaries, more often than not you become the one thought of as a problem in these situations. Not right, but true, and most people are too non confrontational to cope. This is where the get along go along aspects of our society fail us. If I have to get loud and repeat myself for you to hear me, that doesn't make me the problem. It's still you bro.
Load More Replies... Being the parent of a child on the spectrum, I will say that getting 2 minutes to yourself and some peace is a luxury. But I would never dare dump my son on friends and family without their permission and with a full understanding of what they are getting themselves into. The saddest part here is that your brother refuses to get the kids tested. Finding out they are on the spectrum can open a whole lot of doors for them in services for developmentally disabled kids...like respite care where someone will come and watch the kids for a few hours so mom and dad can decompress. They also have services that will help with household chores and occupational/physical/speech therapy to help them develop into functioning adults.
He also says that they are homeschooled in a very rural area, so even if they aren't on the spectrum, they could be very limited in terms of socialization.
Load More Replies... That was me and church. My mother used to make me go with her and my dad on Christmas even though I repeatedly asked/said I didn't want to go. As soon as I turned 21, I started getting buzzed Christmas Eve so I wouldn't have to go. It worked. My mom gave up and I stopped going to church for any reason. Everyone is much happier now.
Oh HELL NO! Childfree at 37 and that's exactly how I want my life to be. Definitely NTA! I get drunk at every family gathering as it is the only way to deal with them. I get it! As a child free adult, I enjoy money in my pocket, freedom and I get to experience life at its best! I have a niece and she's one. She's the joy of my life honestly. I get her for 8 hours a few times a month. I get to send her back home. We have a nice bond and I enjoy taking her to do things her parents don't. We go hiking and exploring together. She loves nature and so do I! Her parents don't push me to do anything I can't or am not willing to do. So stand your ground dude!
Stop caring what your stupid relatives think of you. Are they chaining you to the kids' area? Just don't go there. Don't put your hand out to take the list or the backpack. Hang out with the adults and refuse to check in on the kids. I was relaxing in a hammock at a family reunion when my young cousins began running around me and generally being obnoxious. I got the feeling their parents sent them over to get them out of the way. One little girl poured a full glass of soda on me. I quietly asked her to come with me. I guided her to the drinks table and proceeded to pour an entire LITER of soda over her head. Her mother screamed at me. My aunt asked me why I did it and I calmly explained this is how I handle bad behavior from kids. She paused for a moment, then told me I did the right thing. As for the rest of the family at the picnic, I don't know what they thought about it and I didn't care then, and I don't care now.
It's obvious you have more balls than him. OP grow a pair
Load More Replies... My nephew an his gf have two kids under 10. So ones barely out of diapers an the other is like 3 rd grade maybe. Idk. But any picnics they show up an family had to watch the kids. Ya say something like so n so is gonna jump off that swing an they be like oh gramps will go watch them. No. These are their kids they brought to an adult picnic. Watch ur damn kids. When they only had the one at my reception I said no kids on the invites cuz I didn't want that drama. Adult party adult fun. Not tripping over kids or loud iPads w games running on them that they aren't even playing with because wrecking the flowers is better.
Look up the going rate for day care in you area, multiply by how many kids you are taking care and then multiply by how many hours you were left watching them. When the parents get the approximate bill of around $200, they might re-think that "free" daycare. Follow through, let them know that you will turn it over to collections if they don't be pay.
Good gods, every body should be watching the kids, take turns, maybe have the 'adult' area close enough to keep and eye on them. Or watch them in teams of 2-3. If you need to write up a schedule, maybe make the other adults sign off on it. There is no reason for there to be a designated babysitter for the entire event
Yes why aren't grandpa and grandma watching them and anyone else who expects him to do it. The parents can take turns. Sister just dumps her kids there too. Weird.
Load More Replies... My in laws pulled this c**p. My then girlfriend used to live in another state so I only got to see her on the weekends. And every weekend we went to her place, the parents would tell us we needed to watch my girlfriend's sister's child who she had out of wedlock, because the sister "never got to go out". Meanwhile, my girlfriend and I were responsible, and we worked all week and didn't get to go out either, but my girlfriend was the middle child and so she was always overlooked and treated like an afterthought. Literally sacrificed her freedoms so that the other sister could go out and party and date and have fun. It was ridiculous. It got to the point where eventually she would just come to my house on the weekends and the parents would be like "why don't you come here anymore?"
I think my favorite part was the comment someone made about Bud Light and the Real Men of Genius!
Can I come to your family parties? I’m looking for an excuse to drink more too. 😂🤣😎
Good options were offered to the OP. However, he has rejected all of them with various excuses…yes, excuses, not reasons. Until such time that OP grows a spine, stops playing the victim role, stops fearing what his relatives may think of him, sets boundaries and sticks to them, he will continue to be used by his siblings. Alcohol is not needed. A firm “no” is what is needed. Suggestion: at the next gathering, man up, greet everyone,, then in everyone’s presence announce that you are there as an adult to socialize with the adult family members, NOT a babysitter, and express hopes that you will be granted this courtesy and respect. If the siblings insist on pushing their kids on you, say your good byes to all and LEAVE. Bet this will happen only once. Good luck. Be a man or continue to be a door mat on which your siblings wipe their feet.
Not only what relatives think of him now, but when they are unalive.
Load More Replies... Seems no matter what advice people give, OP comes back why can't. So in my opinion, OP should of never asked for advice & just keep drinking or watching the children
Has anyone thought of actually hiring a babysitter to mind the children ?
NTA, but he seriously needs to have a conversation with his family. His brother is apparently ignoring all protests, other family members seem to think he should be babysitting as long as he is not already drinking - he needs to consider whether his family are volunteering his babysitting services or if his brother is assuming. I can understand the parents if the brother and SIL are home schooling 3 kids all seemingly on the spectrum in a rural area they probably look forward to seeing family and adult time. But how he be expected to look 3 kids between the ages of 4-8 who are probably on the spectrum, one of whom is non-verbal and actively seeking hazards, when he only sees them maybe about once a year - I appreciate it depends upon where they are on the spectrum, but it doesn't sound safe, risk free and comfortable for all. Even kids not on the spectrum can get shy or upset around adults they've not seen in a long while.
The fact that half of the Reddit replies are just " have you thought of just 'saying no?'" Srsly tho, NTA, good on him.
Definitely NTA. I dont like kid, but I especially hate bad kids. Dont Efing bring them near me. If they gossip/question why you drink so much, tell them the truth. He needs to say that his siblings drive you to drink. When they p**n their kids on him and it causes stresses to the point of predrinking. Why the other adults dont step up to help watch them?. So what they do- nada-just dont give a dam.
Some of the comments mentions kids running around unsupervised in their homes, being completely ignored by their parents and actually breaking things? GTFO. You are NOT my friend if you were to behave like this IN MY HOME. I have no problem grabbing a destructive little sh*t by the arm and yelling at them to "Knock It Off". Parents don't like it - ok, GTFO and stay out until you learn how to be an actual parent.
Sounds like you ought to throw the whole family out if none of them want to even see the children. An alternative solution is to just ignore the children, walking over to the "adult's area" and just mindlessly repeating "They're fine!" or "They're not MY kids!" without looking to see if they actually are fine or even if there actually is a wolf.
NTA. The bro is TA in this. He has 0 right to make you a babysitter (for free) at family events. If he wants a babysitter HIRE one. I also worry how well they actually parent if they do this AND refuse to get their kids checked out to make sure they dont need specialized care. And the fact the family just blindly agrees to him about you being a drunk shows your family isnt exactly the best overall.
Should just say no, and when you hear "Well you're being a bad uncle" just say "Well, gee. And here I was thinking you just saw me as a free babysitter. Kick rocks brother dear." Gotta say, that's exactly what I do. "Watch the kids, yeah." Pfft! "Pay me, yeah." And ignore them. Or my absolute favorite. Oh, I'M watching your kids, am I? Alrighty kids! Time for a sugar high! Brothers REALLY don't like when I do that lol
Definitely NTA .. PARENTS should spring for a babysitter, not dump their evil spawn on someone else involuntarily and free of charge. I'd avoid family gatherings before I would tollerate that every time
I've been into a somewhat similar situation, no kids involved, though. In my immediate family I was educated to be the kid who could always run an errand to the grocery store and such as. My two sisters would usually be free of it cause, you know, they're girls and “you're a man”, you're getting the picture. But at family gatherings, with several cousins also available, it would always fall on me. I became “the family gopher” --for those unaware of the term, the gopher is the minion that “goes for things”--. Go help your uncles, go carry the heavy stuff, go to the store for (whatever). Either my direct & extended family educated me wrongly, or ACTUALLY I MYSELF educated them to treat me like that. I am corteous and dependable, but they learned to take advantage on me. And at some point I blew a gasket. So I quit family gatherings. Go let them find yet another slave. Everyone feels entitled in some manner so to not be the one running errands. My eldest sister was the only one...
detecting my specific reaction when I was all fed up, and inquired about it. I elaborated and she felt guilty cause she has disabilities; I clarified that her physical limitations are one thing, the entitlement and mistreatment of all the others is yet another. My mother inquired about it and trying to speak about it, in a civilized manner only led her to behave as an offended queen. So now the entire families on both sides know it, I'm off family gatherings beforehand. I only attend gatherings of any type, when I know I'm an attendant and not an indentured servant.
Load More Replies... He should skip an year and see how they fend for themselves! Then the next year he can tell them that he's not qualified to watch their kids and they really should be watching them themselves or paying for someone else to watch them because of their special needs. It's unfair to him to not be able to spend time with family and they are asking too much from him.
I would just not go, honestly and see how the fend without him! He can skip a year. Plus he should really talk to him brother and tell him he's not capable or qualified to watch his children and just refuse and ask him to watch his own kids or pay someone else to do it.
Should not the whole family watch the children? I have been in many big gathering (non family, friends) I was the oldest and took mainly care of the younger ones during dinner on our table but we all children and adults alike was in the same room, adults drinking and if they would need a smoke they would go outside ALONE. It is not good to binge drink before children but a little should barely make a difference.
There seems to be a lot of children at these family get togethers. Why don't they pull a babysitting fund together and hire someone who won't feel abused and used and ultimately resentful of their family members? Win/win and it avoids a future family intervention for the OP's "alcoholism."
I have 1 kid who is VERY well behaved usually. I stopped going to family events for this reason. For me, its "hey, you're watching your kid so watch ours too". Now its "sorry, I can't go because *making up some random bs excuse*". Gotta say, I haven't been happier. I make plans apart from family events to see said family.
If you read his replies on here, he responded that he has said no to them several times but they refuse to listen.
Load More Replies... https://www.care.com/babysitting-rates Calculate the going rate then quadruple it for each special needs child. With a drink in your hand tell them your going rate. If they don't like it walk off while drinking. If you have ever worked with a child with special needs, you know one adult is not enough for 1, let alone 1 in a room with multiple children. It is not safe for the child. Typical family behavior-you are single or childless so you drive to us, you don't have kids 'don't you want to spend time with the kids'....Then when something bad happens 'I thought you were watching them?!?' Not your pasture, not your b******t!
NTA! I have a big family we all have kids. When we get together my siblings us to think I am the sitter because I loved being around the kids and family. But I also have a son. So after talking to them and they still left their kids with me I decided not to show up to a couple events. When asked why I restated my frustration and told them if you want to see us I am not the babysitter. We all watch our kids or my son and I won't show up. That changed everything and now events are fun.
But why are the kids kept separate? Where I live all kids mingle with adults or play within near proximity within sight so everybody can keep an eye on them. I have a large family with quite a few kids but we never needed a designated babysitter. Kids need to learn how to behave around adults. Ants talk with nieces, take interest in them occassionally and uncles take interest in the nephews. Some kids enjoy helping out with foodpreparation or bring it around. They are not put away.
Lol p**n the kids off on someone else! Kinda like musical chairs but with kids. Misery loves company ….. HaHa. Also, people won’t take advantage of you unless you allow it!
Two little letters- "NO. I will not watch your children any more. They are YOUR problem. Don't ask me again." After that I wouldn't care what they thought of me.
There are no set qualifications when WATCHING (on the spectrum) Autistic/ADHD/Add children for a few hrs. Nonverbal: just feed them! You just have to love them and be stern when saying "no". My youngest out of four is on the spectrum and is treated like his siblings in all matters, and EXPECTED to do the same. He is very well capable, in fact, high functioning need to be treated as such (chores/discipline /quality time, etc)!
As a parent of a child on the spectrum, I can understand their need for a break but I would never expect my family to watch my kid at a gathering.
I have a similar situation with family gatherings except my niece is ten and thankfully the only one I've got; it used to be dozens of cousins and whatnot but the youngest of that generation just graduated and I don't see their kids much if ever. Used to be the oldest female and ALWAYS got stuck with watching the kids, hated it. Did a lot of after school stuff and even got a job after school to dodge holidays after years of it! My niece is the coolest little girl on the planet and she always wants to monopolize my attention when I go over to my brother's or my parents' when she's visiting which suits me fine because I like her the best of all of them anyway ;) really though, I wish I had learned to say no. I know if I had it would have just gotten me punished in some way but it would have been useful to learn for my adult life.
I have to laugh at anyone thinking that this is in any way 'brilliant'. What's brilliant is using your words like a grown adult.
That plan is not brilliant. Its dumb because you gonna end up alcoholic, when you can just say a hard NO. NO, its a full sentence not open for discussion.
Its pretty simple. He needs to learn how to say no. Honestly have no sympathy for this situation. He'd rather have his family think he's alcoholic than grow a spine and stand up for himself. Its also pretty messed up referring to the kids as "your brothers "f**k trophies." I think everyone involved are assholes.
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