Man Wonders If He’s A Bad Guy For Telling His Wife That Wants To Be Appreciated To Stop Expecting It, As It’s Her Job To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom
Being a mother is a tremendously tough job. You carry the child for what seems like forever, going through all sorts of complications, while also knowing that you’ll eventually have to push out a watermelon-sized baby for god knows how many hours. Many don’t realize how challenging the process is because society views it as a completely ordinary thing that doesn’t require women to even lift a finger.
Most folks believe that being a stay-at-home mother is such an effortless activity that they don’t even compare it to a standard 9 to 5 job. Of course, why should they – you’re only doing everything to keep a human alive, cooking, cleaning the house and trying to keep up with a bunch of different chores.
A husband of a stay-at-home mother wondered if he was a number one jerk for not being so enthusiastic about appreciating his burned-out wife who takes care of their 2-year-old twins. The post received over 7k upvotes and 2K comments discussing his rather interesting perception of parenting.
More info: Reddit
Being a parent is a job and a half, especially when you’re looking after your 2-year-old twins
Image credits: Chris Ford (not the actual photo)
Some folks don’t realize that even if they’re not so affectionate themselves, other people might need those basic human emotions in order to feel like their best selves. It won’t hurt to occasionally remind your significant other that they’re loved and appreciated – especially when they’re a stay-at-home parent.
This man told his wife that she should stop expecting signs of appreciation, as it was her choice to become a stay-at-home mother
Image credits: Particular-Willow-17
This husband began his story by explaining that his beloved wife is a full-time mother that takes care of their 2-year-old twins. He then revealed that when they got married, it was decided that once they had children, his wife would become a stay-at-home mother, since they don’t have any relatives nearby.
Image credits: Particular-Willow-17
Moreover, his wife supported the idea as she wanted to be with her kids, enjoy the true beauty of motherhood and be there with the twins when they start to achieve their milestones.
The OP then reveals their financial status and says that he earns enough for his family to be comfortable. He makes sure that his wife has everything she needs and lets her spend the money freely, without setting any kinds of limits.
Image credits: Particular-Willow-17
The husband proceeds to share that his job is also fairly comfortable, as he works from home on a 7 to 5 schedule. He doesn’t have to leave the house, so as soon as he finishes, he goes to spend some time with the children, while his partner continues with the chores.
The author also mentions how his wife does an extremely great job at keeping the house together, and that he was absolutely convinced that she is fully satisfied with the arrangements, until she began to voice her concerns.
Image credits: Particular-Willow-17
The mother of the twins revealed that lately she’s been feeling like she’s being taken for granted, as the OP never shows any signs of appreciation. The woman told her husband that all she wants is for her partner to do something once in a while that will let her know that she is, in fact, loved. She even gave him an example and said that a simple chocolate bar will do.
Things led to an argument and the woman said that she works from 5 a.m to 9 p.m, 7 days a week and frankly feels like a servant due to her husband’s lack of emotional support. The man revealed that he understands that it’s a tough job, however, he never asks her to thank him for making money.
Image credits: Particular-Willow-17
Sadly, the OP doesn’t realize that his and his wife’s “schedules” are on opposite ends of the toughness scale, so he really just tells her to suck it up and continue doing her job.
Of course, working from your own home, having your wife dealing with every possible chore for 7 days straight while also taking care of 2 toddlers is an easy job compared to your busy timetable.
Image credits: Particular-Willow-17
The fellow online users had the pleasure of humbling the clueless author and explaining the very obvious. Parenthood will never be easy, especially if someone has to take a role of being a stay-at-home partner. This job is tougher than anything else, it burns you out emotionally and physically, which is why it’s crucial to have a very understanding partner right by your side.
Fellow Redditors unanimously agreed that the OP is in fact an a-hole
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B/c I do not receive a paycheck, I am told I have no value to society. I cook, clean, caretake, and that's *aside* from the vlunteer medical work.... But since it's not paid, all that is "nothing". No social security value to everything done for years, b/c there isn't a taxable income. Yeah. Value and money are not the same thing.
We all get up and maintain something someway shape or form just existing. Not one of us can get out of maintaining ourselves, others, our home, or whatever. Even the laziest of people still get up and do something. This idea that we are not productive enough or just existing is bad if we don't get paid is just wrong. Existing is hard enough as it is yet folks seem to think it isn't that hard. We shouldn't have to prove anything to exist and eat and live in this world. We all have been made to believe enjoying ourselves and our time just being, is wrong. It isn't and I'm tired of the brainwashing and constant ridicule of just wanting to exist, relax, and enjoy myself with what time I do have left to live.
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Try to look at the positive, she told you what her love language is, some people will keep you guessing. Set yourself up a little reminder on the phone until it becomes a habit. Would also suggest if you have things she could do in your love language, let her know.
It seems like the lesson has been received. It remains to be seen if it's been understood.
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It also sounds like the wife is having to handle most of the day-to-day discipline in the household, while the husband just gets to come home and be the good guy. That alone can be exhausting. Some white collar guys like this have no clue how morale works.
In Reddit, there is a policy not to downvote assholes, but to upvote so that others can see the post. I wish I could upvote this a hundred times for other men like him to see this and learn that wives working at home, work more than them, and if working for home paid was a paying job, then ladies would be the rulers of the world!
For real though, we need to spread the word. My dad was like, 20x worse then this to my mom, who has 6 kids now. I won't get into detail, but they got divorced. It could've worked if he'd cared at all, or put in effort to his FAMILY. Being good at your JOB, and being a good FATHER/HUSBAND are ENTIRELY different playing fields-😂
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Everyone loves a bit of appreciation and it's the small things...cooking a fave dish, running a nice bath or even just a few words at the right time... but I think he's also getting confused with all this equating her role in their family to his work job. At work you get appreciated for what you do.. at home you get appreciated for who you are. He's offering neither.
I think that's a very good point, he is comparing it to his job and assumes that because they agreed to it from the start that this means he doesn't have to think about it anymore. Wrong! Never just take people for granted all the time! He probably gets pay rises and other ways of being rewarded when he does well and she wants to feel the same. Having small children and being stuck in the home can actually be very isolating. In an ideal situation they should both be showing their appreciation of each other in whatever ways that works for them. I appreciate my spouse immensely for going out to work as I can't and I know they find it extremely tough right now - so I will cook favourite meals or bake a cake. I don't have a lot at my disposal tbh! It's a two-way street.
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Imagine unironically asking if you should buy your partner a chocolate bar to cheer them up.
YTA, mostly, for the obvious reasons everyone else is pointing out. However, I feel your partner may have decided to be a SAHM without understanding just how EXHAUSTING and CONSTANT that job is - there really are no break times when being a SAHM. Usually, it's also a thankless job, the partner and kids usually don't appreciate mom, completely take her for granted, and usually run her into the ground as a slave. This is the reason i've chosen never to have any, i know just how RELENTLESS that job is. I don't think the partner in this story took full account of that, because unless her husband is some amazing, new, millenial male who fully appreciates the partner in his life, wishes to be involved in all housecare and childcare, and make sure partner has a relaxing bath with rosepetals.....are you laughing yet? Cus that guy doesn't fuc*ing exist, if you have kids, you're going to be treated this way 95% of the time. Know the job - and crapness of your partner beforehand.
You are so right. We are goin to get downvoted for saying it but nowadays the chances of having a male partner that does their fair share are almost zero. If you are a woman who lives with a man, and specially if you are a mum you will need to do most housechores in most relations. Sadly I feel that the only way to be free of this is to be single.
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I can see 2 aspects of this situation. On one hand, yes this guy needs to be more involved in his family's life than he is. He needs to step up and take the kids out to the park on the weekends, help with the laundry and dishes, etc. On the other hand, if the wife can purchase what she needs, then maybe one thing she needs is to hire someone to help out once a week or so. A babysitter, or some house cleaning help. Whatever. Maybe for a good 3 or 4 hour chunk of time.
I agree that it would help to some extent. But it will never replace appreciation. I used to have a bunch of c*** jobs where I was treated like a slave. It made me hate the job itself quickly. Then I had one where everyone went out of their ways to constantly let me know how enormously I contributed to the system working nicely, and made me feel irreplaceable. The pay was below terrible, but I had a hard time moving on because I knew I'd never have a job again where they'd treat me with such respect. In a later job not long after I started a nice lady asked for the manager after talking to me. She insisted on telling him how wonderful I've been and please appreciate me. I was riding on that "high" for weeks. It's that simple. And nothing can replace that. Money can make you take s*** longer but it won't make you enjoy your job, be loyal to your "employer" or stop you from looking for better options.
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WoW Hubby…I was 20-years active duty (USMC) and wife (37+ years) raised and shared all responsibilities and we both felt very appreciated! I would highly suggest girls trip, surprise massages, arrange baby-sitter for date nights, etc. Love, Marriage and raising children is worth the bumps & exhaustion that brings the fruits 🍉 of joyful & lifetime memories.
I'm a SAHM and I think the hardest part is that there is no "off". It's 24/7/365. He makes good money but he also gets evening and weekends to decompress. He does spend about an hour a day with the kids. But I mean, I'm on the clock even when they are sleeping. (It's not so bad now that they are older, those first 2 years with twins I was at my breaking point.)
If you don't appreciate your partner, they'll find someone who does. And they'll be better off.
Even if he wants to treat it as "doing her job", she clearly stated that she feels underappreciated in her job. And what do people do when they feel that way? They quit. Lots of employers offer major perks and bonuses to make their employees feel appreciated, raise their morale and keep them around. She is asking for a freaking candy bar. This man would make a terrible manager with his nonexistent people skills.
YTA. How dare you think your roles are equal, or worse yet, think yours is superior because you earn a paycheck? Would you rather she worked a normal job and you both spent money on daycare, housekeepers, etc? She IS contributing money to the household by NOT having to spend it to hire others to do what she does! Do you really just sit on your a**e when your workday ends and continue to let her do everything? Plus you get weekends off and she doesn't? WTH dude? She is letting you off super easy with her simple request. What really should happen is that when your day ends, you get maybe a half hour to relax and then you split the rest of the work 50/50, and weekends are also 50/50.
Not even a question. It's so easy to show just a little appreciation (especially when she tells him what she wants). I've never been a sahm but I've been on maternity leave for a couple years in a row (two kids close)... wow. That's hard work. I felt like I was on vacation when I got back to work. Bathroom breaks! Eat lunch in peace! Get to talk to other adults! I remember the feeling.
Ever hear of employee appreciation day? (Not that she's an "employee," but that yes, "even" employees get appreciated!)
Nope. And that's stupid. I get paid. That's enough. Jesus Christ the human race is doomed.
Load More Replies... It is very rare when someone can really appreciate how difficult the profession is to be a mother
In my experience, working outside the home is easier than being the SAHP, even w my partner contributing fairly.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!
the thing that screamed out at me was that he acknowledges that he has set time and days for work and that she takes care of everything basically 24/7 - regardless of her time of 5am to 9pm. sahm are on the clock before and after those hours. and yet, he gives impression that the 'workload' is equal. so hope that he has had a wake up call on this issue and is not only appreciating her time and efforts but taking on a little more when he is not working at the job. this lack of empathy and sharing loads is what breaks women/sahm people down.
YTA. You need to treat your wife better if you want to keep her in your life. It doesn’t take much effort to make someone you love feel appreciated so stop being an AH and put some effort into your marriage. 🙄
I found that being a SAHM turned my brain to mush - I was dying for conversation other than with toddlers, and then when we went out to the park and met other kids and mummies, all the talk was about who was teething, who had poop problems, who had sleep problems, digestive problems etc. etc. So no, it's not easy being a SAHM, it's not the same as going out to work and having stimulating adult conversation all day every day.
The point is that the whole thing should be teamwork. The husband is able to work because his wife is dealing with the at home stuff, especially the kids. But outside of his working hours he needs to consider how he can work with her to share the load, especially not just leaving her to deal with everything at weekends. The way he refers to things as his job and her job is worrying though. It's not her job to deal with the kids, she's just taken the main responsibility there so that he can earn money for the family.
This is a very common problem which can be fixed in a few ways. My favourite is to let the breadwinner to run the house and take care of kids for a week. Usually 1 day is enough for them to get it. Or my less favourite - pay me my half of my job. Count an hourly rate of nanny and housekeeper and do math. That often makes people see just how much housewife's/househusband's work worths.
OP, YTA!! Do you even stop to think what your life would be if your wife became ill or worse, emotionally broken and left you with the kids?? Think about that for a minute, I'll wait. ... ... There. You don't think about doing small gratitude like that candy bar she mentioned. She deserves a box of her favorite chocolates monthly (and don't you *dare* sign up for a service!). How about a small bouquet of nice flowers (not grocery store blooms). Spend time and *effort* on your wife. You could hire a cleaning service to come in every other week to do the deep cleaning. That *will* make her happy! Handling two babies is an 80hr work week position alone. I was a professional Nanny so I KNOW how hard it is to give a child all that it needs and still be expected to do maid service and cooking(I bounced that employer QUICK!). Appreciate your Lady. She busts her a** for you and the kids. A decent husband who has his wife's back will have a home life that will turn his buddie's green!
As someone in the wife's position, daaamn. And yes, I'm glad he "gets" it now. He needs to fully understand it. Heaven forbid his wife gets hospitalized, he's going to gain a completely new appreciation and regret that merely setting a damn reminder on his phone to pick up some chocolates or flowers seemed difficult for him
Wife should divorce ths guy asap.. this guy is all new level sh*t
I suppose I'm the only NTA... all the things his wife does is what any parent working full hours still has to do. If she doesn't like being SAH M, the only solution is hiring a nanny - it seems they'd afford it - and her getting a job while sharing all the house chores with the husband.
yes but this guy is complaining his wife asked him to buy her a chocolate bar from time to time. with the technology today you can just set up an alarm clock each friday to buy a chocolate for your wife. she is not complaining about the workload she just wants to be appreciated. like if he took her out for a date or bought her flowers. she basically just wants to feel as a human being again
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My husband does the car maintenance, beyond the full-time job. While the boys were young, I did the lawn mowing, as well as the housework. On the weekends the boys would only want dad, I called them the 'daddy do days'. He stepped up and went with that flow. When they got older, he'd take them to sport/camping shows, so I got some down time. When they napped = free time. I didn't feel taken for granted. This was what we talked about. I knew being a SAHM meant long days, but the rewards are priceless. Hubby had a maverick as a mom, meaning she had a career in the 50s, her work came first. He wanted a different future for his/our children. If his wife expects a different outcome, then renegotiate the terms and change the input. My 4 children LOVED my being a SAHM, they were the envy of their peers. Some things are priceless, while others are worthless. It's all in the perspective. My hubby would have liked his Mom at home. All the 'things' that her paycheck provided had a worthless value
Let's thank her for breathing too, because that's one of her "jobs" as well.
WTF! is wrong with that female? sound like she got the "princess"syndrome listen princess honey I would of given anything to be in her place try dong what ur doing without your baby daddy or a dose of real life here he still with u but dont like to work Or he left for some reason . she sound like a Karen in the making
He is the a*****e, but not the worst. He works hard to put food on the table, and he spends time with his kids as soon as he clocks off. But he definitely needs to help out more around the house. If she cooks, he should clean up (or visa versa). And they should split the workload on the weekend. Saying thank you over and over isn't enough.
"Cook while bottle feeding my son" and this is where you are obviously lying. At least I truly hope you did not try to juggle an infant over a stove or while you were chopping veggies. This comment is cringeworthy and shameful.
Load More Replies... You could argue that he chose that job. Does it mean that he should do it every hour of the day with no pay?
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B/c I do not receive a paycheck, I am told I have no value to society. I cook, clean, caretake, and that's *aside* from the vlunteer medical work.... But since it's not paid, all that is "nothing". No social security value to everything done for years, b/c there isn't a taxable income. Yeah. Value and money are not the same thing.
We all get up and maintain something someway shape or form just existing. Not one of us can get out of maintaining ourselves, others, our home, or whatever. Even the laziest of people still get up and do something. This idea that we are not productive enough or just existing is bad if we don't get paid is just wrong. Existing is hard enough as it is yet folks seem to think it isn't that hard. We shouldn't have to prove anything to exist and eat and live in this world. We all have been made to believe enjoying ourselves and our time just being, is wrong. It isn't and I'm tired of the brainwashing and constant ridicule of just wanting to exist, relax, and enjoy myself with what time I do have left to live.
Load More Replies... Try to look at the positive, she told you what her love language is, some people will keep you guessing. Set yourself up a little reminder on the phone until it becomes a habit. Would also suggest if you have things she could do in your love language, let her know.
It seems like the lesson has been received. It remains to be seen if it's been understood.
Load More Replies... It also sounds like the wife is having to handle most of the day-to-day discipline in the household, while the husband just gets to come home and be the good guy. That alone can be exhausting. Some white collar guys like this have no clue how morale works.
In Reddit, there is a policy not to downvote assholes, but to upvote so that others can see the post. I wish I could upvote this a hundred times for other men like him to see this and learn that wives working at home, work more than them, and if working for home paid was a paying job, then ladies would be the rulers of the world!
For real though, we need to spread the word. My dad was like, 20x worse then this to my mom, who has 6 kids now. I won't get into detail, but they got divorced. It could've worked if he'd cared at all, or put in effort to his FAMILY. Being good at your JOB, and being a good FATHER/HUSBAND are ENTIRELY different playing fields-😂
Load More Replies... Everyone loves a bit of appreciation and it's the small things...cooking a fave dish, running a nice bath or even just a few words at the right time... but I think he's also getting confused with all this equating her role in their family to his work job. At work you get appreciated for what you do.. at home you get appreciated for who you are. He's offering neither.
I think that's a very good point, he is comparing it to his job and assumes that because they agreed to it from the start that this means he doesn't have to think about it anymore. Wrong! Never just take people for granted all the time! He probably gets pay rises and other ways of being rewarded when he does well and she wants to feel the same. Having small children and being stuck in the home can actually be very isolating. In an ideal situation they should both be showing their appreciation of each other in whatever ways that works for them. I appreciate my spouse immensely for going out to work as I can't and I know they find it extremely tough right now - so I will cook favourite meals or bake a cake. I don't have a lot at my disposal tbh! It's a two-way street.
Load More Replies... Imagine unironically asking if you should buy your partner a chocolate bar to cheer them up.
YTA, mostly, for the obvious reasons everyone else is pointing out. However, I feel your partner may have decided to be a SAHM without understanding just how EXHAUSTING and CONSTANT that job is - there really are no break times when being a SAHM. Usually, it's also a thankless job, the partner and kids usually don't appreciate mom, completely take her for granted, and usually run her into the ground as a slave. This is the reason i've chosen never to have any, i know just how RELENTLESS that job is. I don't think the partner in this story took full account of that, because unless her husband is some amazing, new, millenial male who fully appreciates the partner in his life, wishes to be involved in all housecare and childcare, and make sure partner has a relaxing bath with rosepetals.....are you laughing yet? Cus that guy doesn't fuc*ing exist, if you have kids, you're going to be treated this way 95% of the time. Know the job - and crapness of your partner beforehand.
You are so right. We are goin to get downvoted for saying it but nowadays the chances of having a male partner that does their fair share are almost zero. If you are a woman who lives with a man, and specially if you are a mum you will need to do most housechores in most relations. Sadly I feel that the only way to be free of this is to be single.
Load More Replies... I can see 2 aspects of this situation. On one hand, yes this guy needs to be more involved in his family's life than he is. He needs to step up and take the kids out to the park on the weekends, help with the laundry and dishes, etc. On the other hand, if the wife can purchase what she needs, then maybe one thing she needs is to hire someone to help out once a week or so. A babysitter, or some house cleaning help. Whatever. Maybe for a good 3 or 4 hour chunk of time.
I agree that it would help to some extent. But it will never replace appreciation. I used to have a bunch of c*** jobs where I was treated like a slave. It made me hate the job itself quickly. Then I had one where everyone went out of their ways to constantly let me know how enormously I contributed to the system working nicely, and made me feel irreplaceable. The pay was below terrible, but I had a hard time moving on because I knew I'd never have a job again where they'd treat me with such respect. In a later job not long after I started a nice lady asked for the manager after talking to me. She insisted on telling him how wonderful I've been and please appreciate me. I was riding on that "high" for weeks. It's that simple. And nothing can replace that. Money can make you take s*** longer but it won't make you enjoy your job, be loyal to your "employer" or stop you from looking for better options.
Load More Replies... WoW Hubby…I was 20-years active duty (USMC) and wife (37+ years) raised and shared all responsibilities and we both felt very appreciated! I would highly suggest girls trip, surprise massages, arrange baby-sitter for date nights, etc. Love, Marriage and raising children is worth the bumps & exhaustion that brings the fruits 🍉 of joyful & lifetime memories.
I'm a SAHM and I think the hardest part is that there is no "off". It's 24/7/365. He makes good money but he also gets evening and weekends to decompress. He does spend about an hour a day with the kids. But I mean, I'm on the clock even when they are sleeping. (It's not so bad now that they are older, those first 2 years with twins I was at my breaking point.)
If you don't appreciate your partner, they'll find someone who does. And they'll be better off.
Even if he wants to treat it as "doing her job", she clearly stated that she feels underappreciated in her job. And what do people do when they feel that way? They quit. Lots of employers offer major perks and bonuses to make their employees feel appreciated, raise their morale and keep them around. She is asking for a freaking candy bar. This man would make a terrible manager with his nonexistent people skills.
YTA. How dare you think your roles are equal, or worse yet, think yours is superior because you earn a paycheck? Would you rather she worked a normal job and you both spent money on daycare, housekeepers, etc? She IS contributing money to the household by NOT having to spend it to hire others to do what she does! Do you really just sit on your a**e when your workday ends and continue to let her do everything? Plus you get weekends off and she doesn't? WTH dude? She is letting you off super easy with her simple request. What really should happen is that when your day ends, you get maybe a half hour to relax and then you split the rest of the work 50/50, and weekends are also 50/50.
Not even a question. It's so easy to show just a little appreciation (especially when she tells him what she wants). I've never been a sahm but I've been on maternity leave for a couple years in a row (two kids close)... wow. That's hard work. I felt like I was on vacation when I got back to work. Bathroom breaks! Eat lunch in peace! Get to talk to other adults! I remember the feeling.
Ever hear of employee appreciation day? (Not that she's an "employee," but that yes, "even" employees get appreciated!)
Nope. And that's stupid. I get paid. That's enough. Jesus Christ the human race is doomed.
Load More Replies... It is very rare when someone can really appreciate how difficult the profession is to be a mother
In my experience, working outside the home is easier than being the SAHP, even w my partner contributing fairly.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!
the thing that screamed out at me was that he acknowledges that he has set time and days for work and that she takes care of everything basically 24/7 - regardless of her time of 5am to 9pm. sahm are on the clock before and after those hours. and yet, he gives impression that the 'workload' is equal. so hope that he has had a wake up call on this issue and is not only appreciating her time and efforts but taking on a little more when he is not working at the job. this lack of empathy and sharing loads is what breaks women/sahm people down.
YTA. You need to treat your wife better if you want to keep her in your life. It doesn’t take much effort to make someone you love feel appreciated so stop being an AH and put some effort into your marriage. 🙄
I found that being a SAHM turned my brain to mush - I was dying for conversation other than with toddlers, and then when we went out to the park and met other kids and mummies, all the talk was about who was teething, who had poop problems, who had sleep problems, digestive problems etc. etc. So no, it's not easy being a SAHM, it's not the same as going out to work and having stimulating adult conversation all day every day.
The point is that the whole thing should be teamwork. The husband is able to work because his wife is dealing with the at home stuff, especially the kids. But outside of his working hours he needs to consider how he can work with her to share the load, especially not just leaving her to deal with everything at weekends. The way he refers to things as his job and her job is worrying though. It's not her job to deal with the kids, she's just taken the main responsibility there so that he can earn money for the family.
This is a very common problem which can be fixed in a few ways. My favourite is to let the breadwinner to run the house and take care of kids for a week. Usually 1 day is enough for them to get it. Or my less favourite - pay me my half of my job. Count an hourly rate of nanny and housekeeper and do math. That often makes people see just how much housewife's/househusband's work worths.
OP, YTA!! Do you even stop to think what your life would be if your wife became ill or worse, emotionally broken and left you with the kids?? Think about that for a minute, I'll wait. ... ... There. You don't think about doing small gratitude like that candy bar she mentioned. She deserves a box of her favorite chocolates monthly (and don't you *dare* sign up for a service!). How about a small bouquet of nice flowers (not grocery store blooms). Spend time and *effort* on your wife. You could hire a cleaning service to come in every other week to do the deep cleaning. That *will* make her happy! Handling two babies is an 80hr work week position alone. I was a professional Nanny so I KNOW how hard it is to give a child all that it needs and still be expected to do maid service and cooking(I bounced that employer QUICK!). Appreciate your Lady. She busts her a** for you and the kids. A decent husband who has his wife's back will have a home life that will turn his buddie's green!
As someone in the wife's position, daaamn. And yes, I'm glad he "gets" it now. He needs to fully understand it. Heaven forbid his wife gets hospitalized, he's going to gain a completely new appreciation and regret that merely setting a damn reminder on his phone to pick up some chocolates or flowers seemed difficult for him
Wife should divorce ths guy asap.. this guy is all new level sh*t
I suppose I'm the only NTA... all the things his wife does is what any parent working full hours still has to do. If she doesn't like being SAH M, the only solution is hiring a nanny - it seems they'd afford it - and her getting a job while sharing all the house chores with the husband.
yes but this guy is complaining his wife asked him to buy her a chocolate bar from time to time. with the technology today you can just set up an alarm clock each friday to buy a chocolate for your wife. she is not complaining about the workload she just wants to be appreciated. like if he took her out for a date or bought her flowers. she basically just wants to feel as a human being again
Load More Replies... My husband does the car maintenance, beyond the full-time job. While the boys were young, I did the lawn mowing, as well as the housework. On the weekends the boys would only want dad, I called them the 'daddy do days'. He stepped up and went with that flow. When they got older, he'd take them to sport/camping shows, so I got some down time. When they napped = free time. I didn't feel taken for granted. This was what we talked about. I knew being a SAHM meant long days, but the rewards are priceless. Hubby had a maverick as a mom, meaning she had a career in the 50s, her work came first. He wanted a different future for his/our children. If his wife expects a different outcome, then renegotiate the terms and change the input. My 4 children LOVED my being a SAHM, they were the envy of their peers. Some things are priceless, while others are worthless. It's all in the perspective. My hubby would have liked his Mom at home. All the 'things' that her paycheck provided had a worthless value
Let's thank her for breathing too, because that's one of her "jobs" as well.
WTF! is wrong with that female? sound like she got the "princess"syndrome listen princess honey I would of given anything to be in her place try dong what ur doing without your baby daddy or a dose of real life here he still with u but dont like to work Or he left for some reason . she sound like a Karen in the making
He is the a*****e, but not the worst. He works hard to put food on the table, and he spends time with his kids as soon as he clocks off. But he definitely needs to help out more around the house. If she cooks, he should clean up (or visa versa). And they should split the workload on the weekend. Saying thank you over and over isn't enough.
"Cook while bottle feeding my son" and this is where you are obviously lying. At least I truly hope you did not try to juggle an infant over a stove or while you were chopping veggies. This comment is cringeworthy and shameful.
Load More Replies... You could argue that he chose that job. Does it mean that he should do it every hour of the day with no pay?
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