Boyfriend Loses It After Finding Out That His Girlfriend Is Having A Girls’ Night In, The Woman Is Blown Away
We tend to see the beginning of our relationship through rose-colored glasses and turn a blind eye to our partner’s flaws. But we know it just can’t go on forever. Somewhere along the way, we begin to notice the little details that start to bother or even frustrate us. And sometimes those little things can grow into big bright red flags that might say it’s time to rethink your relationship.
Redditor u/S-Ad3531 shared a story on the AITA subreddit and described how her boyfriend lost it when he found out that she’s hosting a girls’ night in on the weekend. She explained that they’ve been dating for a few months now and meet at her place every weekend. When she had to cancel due to the fact that some of her girlfriends would be coming over, her boyfriend could not believe she was serious.
The situation escalated from zero to a huge argument in a second. The boyfriend started throwing words like sexist, toxic and misogynistic, leaving his girlfriend completely stunned and confused. Scroll down for the full story!
A woman shared how her boyfriend demanded that she cancel girls’ night in and caused a huge argument, saying that she should be ashamed of herself
Image credits: Rendy Novantino (not the actual photo)
The girlfriend is asking if she did the wrong thing, even though the boyfriend called her sexist and misogynistic
The redditor’s post received quite a bit of attention, collecting over 19.7K upvotes in just two days. Not to mention getting a whopping 5K comments from members of the AITA community who decided that it’s the boyfriend who’s being dramatic and manipulative.
However, the woman still felt guilty about the argument and kept apologizing. “He mostly complained about not being allowed to attend or bring his guy friends,” the OP commented later. Even after asking him to respect her decision, she kept hearing that GNI is a toxic event.
But having friends outside your relationship is not only important but also healthy, said April Eldemire, a licensed marriage and family therapist. She highlights three main reasons why. First, friendships help you live longer. It can improve your lifespan by as much as 22 percent! “In fact, having few to no friends is as if not more risky for your health and lifespan as smoking 15 cigarettes per day, being obese, or not exercising,” Eldemire explains.
Next, we have our hobbies. Of course, if you don’t share the same interests as your spouse, you can always enjoy doing them alone. But having strong social ties with someone who likes doing the same things as you gives the opportunity to learn and grow.
Third, our friends are the ones who can give us different perspectives when our loved ones are not being upfront with us. And let’s be frank, sometimes we’re not even willing to hear their advice. As April Eldemire mentioned, we’re often more willing to take our friends’ feedback less defensively and it “can often impact us in such a way that we come back to our relationship with a fresh and enlightened perspective.”
So if the boyfriend is acting a bit jealous and does not want you to hang out with your friends without him present, this could be alarming. It’s not easy to spot a controlling boyfriend at first. It might be that your BF starts spending more time with you, learns the little details of how you like your coffee or what you’re allergic to. And it feels great. But if somewhere along the line, it starts to seem a bit much and you miss the life you once had—you might be in a controlling relationship. If you want to learn more about it, be sure to check here.
Taking all of this into account, it seems that having a GNI with your best friends is good for your mental and physical health. And if your partner throws you snide comments instead of supporting your decisions, that’s definitely a red flag that it will probably get worse down the line.
Redditors were unanimous and saw the boyfriend’s behavior as a red flag
236Kviews
Share on FacebookHe is being controlling, and just finding ways to manipulate the situation so he gets what he wants. Trade him in, people like this are trouble. Find someone who likes you for who you are, not what they want you to be, because when you are all he wants you to be, he will find more things to dislike that you do. This has been a big red flag. Heed the warning.
Agreed, trade this man in, preferably into an active volcano. Huge red flags. OP has only been dating the guy for a few months at least, as opposed to a long time, so I'm sure she won't miss him all that much in the end. But it seriously sounds like he just wants to be involved in everything she does, typical of a controlling, manipulative and possibly later abusive boyfriend. I don't see what the problem with her spending some time with friends is. Is he paranoid that she'll talk about him to her friends? or that they'll talk about other "boys" or whatever? Or is he terrified she'll suddenly turn lesbian during a "girls night in"? geez...
Load More Replies...I don't even understand how girls hanging out could be perceived as misogynistic. Like, I'm genuinely baffled.
Same here. Does he maybe mean misandry rather than misogyny?
Load More Replies...God, those types start with this and end up locking you up in the house... Creep.
Load More Replies...This is step one in separating you from your friends and support network. Run away.
This is what controlling and distrustful people do. They flip out when you want to do something they can't be a part of, because they don't like that you do stuff on your own. I'd go as far as to say he may even doubt whether you're only having girls over or maybe also guys. He's gaslighting, he wants to be your owner, not your partner. Also, sexism is something else entirely, he comes off to me as someone who just wants to use the sexism-argument to make a point, whether it is valid or not. Maybe he's called sexist and now wants to even the score or something. REALLY weird. I wonder how he'd react if you ask him whether he organizes a guy's night or not.
This is very weird. Red flag. He's pissed at you for having friends? That's a sign that once he's has you isolated from friends and family, he won't be the "sweet" guy he's been pretending to be.
This is gaslighting: wanting to have a night-in with your friends, but now, it will not be something you will be looking forward to, but something with all sorts of negative emotions pouring in (guilt, fear of losing your friends or your boyfriend, shame, etc.). In every relationship you need to ask: does this add value to my life or does it affect it negatively? Is thinking about him/her/them cause me happiness or a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach? Do I feel stronger with them or weaker?
That is not what gaslighting is though. Gaslighting is: "psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator". There is some gaslighting going on (him blaming the argument on her when he's behaving unreasonable) but It's important that we use the right terms when it comes to abusive relations
Load More Replies...His flipping out is a bad sign. Abusers hide their true personality until one day they flip out. The first sign of domestic abuse is the perpetrator isolates the victim, eventually isolates from family too. They want total control over the victim. They don't want the victim to talk to friends who might point out his actions aren't good. My cousin experienced this. He was really nice to everyone. But slowly he isolated her away from everyone. After they had the first child, the physical abuse started. He was jealous of the time she spent with the baby. It got worse after the second child. He would apologize and then do it again. He had her so confused and manipulated that she thought she deserved it. Finally one night he hit her so hard and she fled to a neighbors, who called the cops. She took the kids and divorced him. It's been a decade. He's still dragging her through courts trying to get the kids. Her life will never be the same. PLEASE LEAVE THAT MAN.
I know "girlfriends" means something slightly different in the USA compared to the UK, but I'm assuming from context that these are platonic friends, with no sex taking place? If that all it is, this guy needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
Yes. "Girlfriend" in USA refers also to platonic friends. Why, I don't know. Also, "Guy Night Out" is common here, so .....this guy is a loser, IMHO.
Load More Replies...It doesn't matter what anyone's opinion is. Women need other women to stay healthy. Regardless of that, if you have a relationship with someone and they are trying to block you from communicating and spending time with those you love then they are in the wrong. Best of luck and please choose yourself over someone toxic.
Haha I don't even know....what?!? I'm still trying to, ehhrr, 'grasp' his problem here! Never knew GNI was a thing though. I do get pushed of the couch by mom and daughter sometimes. Mostly if they want to watch Harry Potter.... 😉
My friends and I just call them 'Girls Nights' and they may be in or they may be out - we like the flexibility. His reaction is utterly astounding and the biggest red flag imaginable. She should wave bye-bye to him because if he behaves like this so early on and when still basically in the 'getting to know you/being on your best behaviour stage' well, yikes!!!
Load More Replies...OP needs to RUN. The first argument my ex-husband and I ever had was because I went out with girlfriends without him. Unfortunately I was young and naive and didn't recognize the HUGE red flag. He thought girls' nights (out or in) were designed for married women to meet other men. I spent way too many years suffering with this man, and lost a lot of friends. Ladies, if he tries to keep you from seeing family or friends, get away as quickly as possible because he is probably a jealous, possessive a-hole.
He just dumped a bunch of bullshit on you. He's a control freak and trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants, which clearly involves separating you from your friends. Run. Run fast.
Jesus wept. During Covid lockdowns my wife had GNI's on the patio, I socially distanced the furniture, put up festoon lights on the pergola and put out halogen heaters and chimineas for them, then stayed indoors out of their way. They got to drink, bitch, moan and catch up, they needed it for their mental well-being and I needed it because well, happy wife, happy life.
BIG RED FLAG. This is potentially one of the first steps in narcissistic behaviour, ie controlling who you see and isolating from your friends. Walk away.
NTA - it's normal and healthy to maintain your friendships, and to have time with them that he's not part of. Him trying to prevent that, is a red flag. It doesn't matter how great he seemed at first, you are starting to see the real him, and it's a controlling, gaslighting, emotionally abusive jerk. Cut your losses.
I was married to a narcissistic manipulative control freak for many years until he passed away from a horrible rare disease. He was good at hiding his abuse and manipulation from others. They thought he was a pillar of society and the sweetest person ever. Only a very few saw the real him. I did not see what others tried to warn me about until about a year after his passing. He had me so confused and self blaming that I did not see that it was not normal. I have been slowly finding who I am over the last few years. It started with separation from my friends. Run away girl. Now!
It seems that abusive people are often able to act wonderful, gracious and nice when they are at work or in public. The abusive parts of them usually only surface when the abuser is with their immediate family.
Load More Replies...I think people need to learn the difference between "misogyny" and "misandry".
I wish I had had the confidence to turn away from this type of behaviour. My ex controlled me and separated me from my school friends and anyone of the opposite sex. Things are very different now, with a new partner. This seems to me to be the first step in a relationship that will leave you cut off from everyone.
When in the thick of it, it isn't always easy to see what's going on. All too often the controller describes their behaviour as 'just looking out for you' and 'just want the best for you'. It's bollox but very, very convincing bollox. They flatter while controlling. I'm so very glad you are with someone new and that things are very different.
Load More Replies...this is very toxic and the start of controlling behaviour massive ref flag of things to come better of getting out now while you still can
He is upset because he wanted to spend the weekend and could not. He used the girls night rant as an excuse to throw a tantrum because he was pissed his weekend with you was cancelled.. He is acting like a spoiled baby . Honestly this is a huge red flag. I would dump his immature ass. Can you imagine being with someone like this married with children. DUMP him. You can do so much better.
Potential abuser. One of the things on the Power and Control (Abuse) Wheel (https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/news/2018/3/12/the-power-and-control-wheel-1 ) this asshole is “Using Isolation: Controlling that she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes. * Limiting her outside involvement. * Using jealousy to justify actions”. So yeah, if she stays with this asshole, this is where she will find herself in a couple years. Plus, since that’s not the only thing on the wheel, she will be so debilitated by the abuse, she may not be able to do anything about it. Yeah, NTA. And RUN!
he clearly doesn't understand that Girl's night in, means its a safe space for girls... A place where you don't have to watch your drink, won't get harassed, can just relax.. Guys have no idea the micro-aggressions women deal with. Not having to think about it is a pleasure.
Um…. He’s the misogynist — someone who dislikes or has a contempt for women.
Attempting to use your own gender against you is such classic gaslighting, I'm surprised you let him keep talking. Have your GNI and make sure you're all armed, it's way too likely he will show up unannounced since he is a narcissistic, controlling, douchebag.
This man is a controlling and abusive freak who will be a danger to her in the future. Red flags waving like a used car lot in Moscow. Run away now.
Ummmm...what?? Oh absolutely not. This guy is controlling and manipulative. Truly I am just sitting here completely stunned that the OP is even questioning if they are right or wrong. I cannot even fathom in what world any of what the boyfriend of saying would make sense. This is nothing but a big sack of red flags.
My mom goes out to dinner or out for drinks with her two friends and my dad doesn't have a problem with this in the slightest. He doesn't really care to hang out with other guys, but if he did my mom would not care about that either. Telling a person who they can hangout with and when is a huge red flag and she needs to ditch this guy.
RUN!!! He's already trying to keep you from your friends and isolate you. That's a sign of an abuser. He'll only become more controlling. I believe for couples to do well together, they should have some shared friends and interests and some separate friends and interests.
NTA. He's controlling, and is trying to isolate OP from her friends. She should run as fast as she can from this relationship as he's showing his true colors.
He does not know the meaning of the words he is calling you. He is a sad little Momma's boy who wants all the attention. Did he have trouble potty training? He is literally stuck at 3 years old! Dump him and get a grown up man!!!
This sounds like the beginning of his efforts to separate the OP from her friends. Next it could be her family, and then his need for more control over what she does.
This guy is a controlling jerk and you have just seen the tip of the iceberg. Dump him now before he starts preventing you from seeing your friends and family at all, calling to check on you every 15 minutes, not letting you leave the house without him, etc... He is the misogynist and insecure psychopath.
I'm greatly amused that OP's BF claims that her GNI "reeks of misogyny." I'm certain what he meant to say was "misandry," because he's trying to convey that GNI is "sexist" because it excludes men. That's not "misogyny" (something that's sexist because it excludes/denigrates *women*). He probably oughta memorize his SJW buzzwords a little better before making himself look like a fool in front of OP again. OP, I hope you dumped his sorry behind, he's not worth your time or effort!
Run,Run as fast as you can, away from this jerk. Red Flags all over the place. You can do better than this control freak.
Yet I bet he has nights out with only his male friends for sports or other c**p, a Girls Night In/Out or a Guys Night In/Out is nothing more than a way for friends to get together without outside influence and have fun so God only knows how he thinks that is sexist/misogynistic.
This is not a hill to die on. It is a hill to climb up and live on to save yourself from an manipulative insecure idiot.
Kudos to all the men out there who recognize the boyfriend's behavior as wrong. My favorite is the last commenter, with his "Say hi to Jane and Sarah for me." That kind of boyfriend is a keeper, not the creep throwing the hissy fit.
I think he's also worried that you and your girls will talk about him. He's terribly insecure and can't handle the thought of you choosing your girls over him. Before you dump his a$$, ask him why it's OK to hang with his friends, but you aren't allowed to hang with yours. He probably won't get it, but at least you asked.
Imagine getting upset your partner wants to hang out with friends they have had and known for much longer than you 😐 I have chosen to hang out with close friends over my s/o and he completely understands that they are important people to me, and me choosing to hang out with them in no way means that I do not care about him, it just means I want to be with friends who are like sisters to me. OP is NTA and BF is a huge walking red flag that needs to be thrown out, preferably via the window. Yikes.
Good grief, kick that man to the kerb (curb for the US) You do not need someone so controlling as he is. Let the little boy sulk all he wants, and get on with your life with you friends backing you up whenever you need help. There's a man out there that is quite happy if you have female friend.
I'm still trying to figure out what girls night has to do with your professional life???
Can you spell Sexist Narcissist? This lad Only sees things as 'right' if they are how *He* wants them to be; if *you*, lass, are having a good time without him he feels Threatened somehow. Drop him like a hot rock, or regret hanging onto him for the rest of your life. A lot more than your fingers are likely to get burnt Badly. with him around. The first time he Slaps you, or uses a fist, his opening remarks will include, NOW, look what *you* made me do. A series of fat lips (or worse)- versus a happy life with someone who says- 'Girls night in?? COOL! Enjoy, babe, and holler if you run out of chips or beer- I'll deliver them, but won't stay to break the ambiance.' Seems a simple choice to me, at least
What a infantile sod. Dump his a**e. I'm male and I really think this dude has issues.
Wait, what was his rationality for it being misogynistic? I am actually really curious to know. For instance, my husband would go play magic and it was kind of a guys night out thing they all did. I wasn't told I couldn't go, but even if they asked me to come I would absolutely never go because that just sounds painful to sit through. But it was good for him to have something he did with friends away from me and could talk to someone other than me about things he really loves but I don't care for. I am a loner so I loved having the house to myself for a few hours every now and then. Used that time to watch horror movies because my husband hates them and thinks they are all trash but I am addicted to them. Feel like a girl's night in or guys night out is healthy. Been with my husband for 15 years and having experiences separate from each other gives us something new to talk about and best of all, we don't get our feelings hurt when the other complains how much they hate the activity.
He's trying to control you, you're probably in step 2 of The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle. RUN. NOW. This is just the start, in a year he'll be telling you how to dress, where to work, what to eat. Just run from this controlling creep. Also, he doesn't want you having a GNI because his pathetic insecurity feels like you'll be hanging with another guy(s) instead of your girlfriends. He is deeply insecure, immature, abusive and manipulative. Run for your life and pray for the next poor woman who has to deal with his crap. SAVE YOURSELF!
Run, run, run. That's someone who is already gaslighting you, manipulating you and starting the process of demeaning and isolating you. Classic abusive behaviour. Just because they start out sweet and kind and lovely doesn't necessarily mean they stay that way. All you young men and women out there, PLEASE learn the signs of this kind of abuse so you recognize it before you fall prey to it.
Uh has nobody spotted the obvious - that 'mysogenistic' means 'prejudiced against women' the exact OPPOSITE of what a GNI is!
Will sounds like quite the catch. Like catching an STD. I suppose he's never had 'the guys over to watch the game" or similar? Homie is super insecure, controlling and manipulative, and this will not play out well for you. Finding out that this is where his head is has done you a big favor, and you don't deserve to be his Stepford girlfriend. Bow out now and save yourself from the abuse that is certain to come.
And that, theydies and gentlethems, is how you know your man is complete trash
She needs to break up the relationship NOW before going any further. She is extremely lucky that they don't live together and she is free to walk away from this creature. Someone who tries to separate someone else from friends and/or family is toxic and I hope she has the guts to break this off, now. Otherwise she'll never see her friends again and will probably be visiting the ER several times a year for broken bones.
What's misogynistic about hanging out with your friends without your partner?
The door (his)...run for it! Now! Slam it loudly, then nail it shut so he cannot leave his nasty, selfish, controlling little world. You will be doing a favor for all womankind. Then, pat yourself on the back and proceed to the nearest liquor store and buy an EXTRA large bottle of bubbly to celebrate your real relationship with your friends.
I'm so confused, does he think something else is going on? Like a MLM?
Yeah, they loved you but their love is suffocating, they will make you feel like you're the one who's in the wrong. It's tiring you know, it's better to be single than being miserable.😐
I stopped reading after the "are you serious" question of said "Will". None of your business, chump
Sadly, the thing with maturity is it often only comes with age in men.
You can't be misogynistic toward a man... Misogyny is literally hatred or contempt for women. Maybe tell him to look up misandry. His whole argument is floored. He sounds like a total prick who doesn't like it when he's not the centre of attention. Self seeking, narcissistic wanker.
If he claims his problem is that it’s solely a ‘girl’s night’ then invite a male friend along (not him or his friends!) Let’s see how quickly it becomes ‘if you’re inviting males I should be allowed to come too’ or if he accepts that and he truly does just dislike gendered things.
I will play butler for my wife and her friends, "need any more booze or snacks ladies" not ok just give me a shout if you need anything, as I disappear to my man shed for some weed and music time.
It almost seems to me he is trying to be woke but is missing any context..of life. I wouldn't immediately throw him out, just confirm first wether he is just misunderstanding or is just a moron. Maybe you can rephrase it as "my friends only night, who happen to all be female".
Think that's being overly charitable to be honest! If he doesn't know what something is or thinks it's about something else then why not ask or explain his fears? Instead of losing it? The fact that he is then so manipulative with his treatment of her when she rings to apologise (completely unnecessarily) - won't even talk to her. If we are to accept the facts as presented then I think she'd be better off walking away from this person.
Load More Replies...I think she was saying she admires him for knowing how to fix cars. It was about fixing up the cars, not about having 2 cars.
Load More Replies...And just like that, the insecure man shows up.
Load More Replies...He is being controlling, and just finding ways to manipulate the situation so he gets what he wants. Trade him in, people like this are trouble. Find someone who likes you for who you are, not what they want you to be, because when you are all he wants you to be, he will find more things to dislike that you do. This has been a big red flag. Heed the warning.
Agreed, trade this man in, preferably into an active volcano. Huge red flags. OP has only been dating the guy for a few months at least, as opposed to a long time, so I'm sure she won't miss him all that much in the end. But it seriously sounds like he just wants to be involved in everything she does, typical of a controlling, manipulative and possibly later abusive boyfriend. I don't see what the problem with her spending some time with friends is. Is he paranoid that she'll talk about him to her friends? or that they'll talk about other "boys" or whatever? Or is he terrified she'll suddenly turn lesbian during a "girls night in"? geez...
Load More Replies...I don't even understand how girls hanging out could be perceived as misogynistic. Like, I'm genuinely baffled.
Same here. Does he maybe mean misandry rather than misogyny?
Load More Replies...God, those types start with this and end up locking you up in the house... Creep.
Load More Replies...This is step one in separating you from your friends and support network. Run away.
This is what controlling and distrustful people do. They flip out when you want to do something they can't be a part of, because they don't like that you do stuff on your own. I'd go as far as to say he may even doubt whether you're only having girls over or maybe also guys. He's gaslighting, he wants to be your owner, not your partner. Also, sexism is something else entirely, he comes off to me as someone who just wants to use the sexism-argument to make a point, whether it is valid or not. Maybe he's called sexist and now wants to even the score or something. REALLY weird. I wonder how he'd react if you ask him whether he organizes a guy's night or not.
This is very weird. Red flag. He's pissed at you for having friends? That's a sign that once he's has you isolated from friends and family, he won't be the "sweet" guy he's been pretending to be.
This is gaslighting: wanting to have a night-in with your friends, but now, it will not be something you will be looking forward to, but something with all sorts of negative emotions pouring in (guilt, fear of losing your friends or your boyfriend, shame, etc.). In every relationship you need to ask: does this add value to my life or does it affect it negatively? Is thinking about him/her/them cause me happiness or a cold, sinking feeling in my stomach? Do I feel stronger with them or weaker?
That is not what gaslighting is though. Gaslighting is: "psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator". There is some gaslighting going on (him blaming the argument on her when he's behaving unreasonable) but It's important that we use the right terms when it comes to abusive relations
Load More Replies...His flipping out is a bad sign. Abusers hide their true personality until one day they flip out. The first sign of domestic abuse is the perpetrator isolates the victim, eventually isolates from family too. They want total control over the victim. They don't want the victim to talk to friends who might point out his actions aren't good. My cousin experienced this. He was really nice to everyone. But slowly he isolated her away from everyone. After they had the first child, the physical abuse started. He was jealous of the time she spent with the baby. It got worse after the second child. He would apologize and then do it again. He had her so confused and manipulated that she thought she deserved it. Finally one night he hit her so hard and she fled to a neighbors, who called the cops. She took the kids and divorced him. It's been a decade. He's still dragging her through courts trying to get the kids. Her life will never be the same. PLEASE LEAVE THAT MAN.
I know "girlfriends" means something slightly different in the USA compared to the UK, but I'm assuming from context that these are platonic friends, with no sex taking place? If that all it is, this guy needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
Yes. "Girlfriend" in USA refers also to platonic friends. Why, I don't know. Also, "Guy Night Out" is common here, so .....this guy is a loser, IMHO.
Load More Replies...It doesn't matter what anyone's opinion is. Women need other women to stay healthy. Regardless of that, if you have a relationship with someone and they are trying to block you from communicating and spending time with those you love then they are in the wrong. Best of luck and please choose yourself over someone toxic.
Haha I don't even know....what?!? I'm still trying to, ehhrr, 'grasp' his problem here! Never knew GNI was a thing though. I do get pushed of the couch by mom and daughter sometimes. Mostly if they want to watch Harry Potter.... 😉
My friends and I just call them 'Girls Nights' and they may be in or they may be out - we like the flexibility. His reaction is utterly astounding and the biggest red flag imaginable. She should wave bye-bye to him because if he behaves like this so early on and when still basically in the 'getting to know you/being on your best behaviour stage' well, yikes!!!
Load More Replies...OP needs to RUN. The first argument my ex-husband and I ever had was because I went out with girlfriends without him. Unfortunately I was young and naive and didn't recognize the HUGE red flag. He thought girls' nights (out or in) were designed for married women to meet other men. I spent way too many years suffering with this man, and lost a lot of friends. Ladies, if he tries to keep you from seeing family or friends, get away as quickly as possible because he is probably a jealous, possessive a-hole.
He just dumped a bunch of bullshit on you. He's a control freak and trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants, which clearly involves separating you from your friends. Run. Run fast.
Jesus wept. During Covid lockdowns my wife had GNI's on the patio, I socially distanced the furniture, put up festoon lights on the pergola and put out halogen heaters and chimineas for them, then stayed indoors out of their way. They got to drink, bitch, moan and catch up, they needed it for their mental well-being and I needed it because well, happy wife, happy life.
BIG RED FLAG. This is potentially one of the first steps in narcissistic behaviour, ie controlling who you see and isolating from your friends. Walk away.
NTA - it's normal and healthy to maintain your friendships, and to have time with them that he's not part of. Him trying to prevent that, is a red flag. It doesn't matter how great he seemed at first, you are starting to see the real him, and it's a controlling, gaslighting, emotionally abusive jerk. Cut your losses.
I was married to a narcissistic manipulative control freak for many years until he passed away from a horrible rare disease. He was good at hiding his abuse and manipulation from others. They thought he was a pillar of society and the sweetest person ever. Only a very few saw the real him. I did not see what others tried to warn me about until about a year after his passing. He had me so confused and self blaming that I did not see that it was not normal. I have been slowly finding who I am over the last few years. It started with separation from my friends. Run away girl. Now!
It seems that abusive people are often able to act wonderful, gracious and nice when they are at work or in public. The abusive parts of them usually only surface when the abuser is with their immediate family.
Load More Replies...I think people need to learn the difference between "misogyny" and "misandry".
I wish I had had the confidence to turn away from this type of behaviour. My ex controlled me and separated me from my school friends and anyone of the opposite sex. Things are very different now, with a new partner. This seems to me to be the first step in a relationship that will leave you cut off from everyone.
When in the thick of it, it isn't always easy to see what's going on. All too often the controller describes their behaviour as 'just looking out for you' and 'just want the best for you'. It's bollox but very, very convincing bollox. They flatter while controlling. I'm so very glad you are with someone new and that things are very different.
Load More Replies...this is very toxic and the start of controlling behaviour massive ref flag of things to come better of getting out now while you still can
He is upset because he wanted to spend the weekend and could not. He used the girls night rant as an excuse to throw a tantrum because he was pissed his weekend with you was cancelled.. He is acting like a spoiled baby . Honestly this is a huge red flag. I would dump his immature ass. Can you imagine being with someone like this married with children. DUMP him. You can do so much better.
Potential abuser. One of the things on the Power and Control (Abuse) Wheel (https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/news/2018/3/12/the-power-and-control-wheel-1 ) this asshole is “Using Isolation: Controlling that she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes. * Limiting her outside involvement. * Using jealousy to justify actions”. So yeah, if she stays with this asshole, this is where she will find herself in a couple years. Plus, since that’s not the only thing on the wheel, she will be so debilitated by the abuse, she may not be able to do anything about it. Yeah, NTA. And RUN!
he clearly doesn't understand that Girl's night in, means its a safe space for girls... A place where you don't have to watch your drink, won't get harassed, can just relax.. Guys have no idea the micro-aggressions women deal with. Not having to think about it is a pleasure.
Um…. He’s the misogynist — someone who dislikes or has a contempt for women.
Attempting to use your own gender against you is such classic gaslighting, I'm surprised you let him keep talking. Have your GNI and make sure you're all armed, it's way too likely he will show up unannounced since he is a narcissistic, controlling, douchebag.
This man is a controlling and abusive freak who will be a danger to her in the future. Red flags waving like a used car lot in Moscow. Run away now.
Ummmm...what?? Oh absolutely not. This guy is controlling and manipulative. Truly I am just sitting here completely stunned that the OP is even questioning if they are right or wrong. I cannot even fathom in what world any of what the boyfriend of saying would make sense. This is nothing but a big sack of red flags.
My mom goes out to dinner or out for drinks with her two friends and my dad doesn't have a problem with this in the slightest. He doesn't really care to hang out with other guys, but if he did my mom would not care about that either. Telling a person who they can hangout with and when is a huge red flag and she needs to ditch this guy.
RUN!!! He's already trying to keep you from your friends and isolate you. That's a sign of an abuser. He'll only become more controlling. I believe for couples to do well together, they should have some shared friends and interests and some separate friends and interests.
NTA. He's controlling, and is trying to isolate OP from her friends. She should run as fast as she can from this relationship as he's showing his true colors.
He does not know the meaning of the words he is calling you. He is a sad little Momma's boy who wants all the attention. Did he have trouble potty training? He is literally stuck at 3 years old! Dump him and get a grown up man!!!
This sounds like the beginning of his efforts to separate the OP from her friends. Next it could be her family, and then his need for more control over what she does.
This guy is a controlling jerk and you have just seen the tip of the iceberg. Dump him now before he starts preventing you from seeing your friends and family at all, calling to check on you every 15 minutes, not letting you leave the house without him, etc... He is the misogynist and insecure psychopath.
I'm greatly amused that OP's BF claims that her GNI "reeks of misogyny." I'm certain what he meant to say was "misandry," because he's trying to convey that GNI is "sexist" because it excludes men. That's not "misogyny" (something that's sexist because it excludes/denigrates *women*). He probably oughta memorize his SJW buzzwords a little better before making himself look like a fool in front of OP again. OP, I hope you dumped his sorry behind, he's not worth your time or effort!
Run,Run as fast as you can, away from this jerk. Red Flags all over the place. You can do better than this control freak.
Yet I bet he has nights out with only his male friends for sports or other c**p, a Girls Night In/Out or a Guys Night In/Out is nothing more than a way for friends to get together without outside influence and have fun so God only knows how he thinks that is sexist/misogynistic.
This is not a hill to die on. It is a hill to climb up and live on to save yourself from an manipulative insecure idiot.
Kudos to all the men out there who recognize the boyfriend's behavior as wrong. My favorite is the last commenter, with his "Say hi to Jane and Sarah for me." That kind of boyfriend is a keeper, not the creep throwing the hissy fit.
I think he's also worried that you and your girls will talk about him. He's terribly insecure and can't handle the thought of you choosing your girls over him. Before you dump his a$$, ask him why it's OK to hang with his friends, but you aren't allowed to hang with yours. He probably won't get it, but at least you asked.
Imagine getting upset your partner wants to hang out with friends they have had and known for much longer than you 😐 I have chosen to hang out with close friends over my s/o and he completely understands that they are important people to me, and me choosing to hang out with them in no way means that I do not care about him, it just means I want to be with friends who are like sisters to me. OP is NTA and BF is a huge walking red flag that needs to be thrown out, preferably via the window. Yikes.
Good grief, kick that man to the kerb (curb for the US) You do not need someone so controlling as he is. Let the little boy sulk all he wants, and get on with your life with you friends backing you up whenever you need help. There's a man out there that is quite happy if you have female friend.
I'm still trying to figure out what girls night has to do with your professional life???
Can you spell Sexist Narcissist? This lad Only sees things as 'right' if they are how *He* wants them to be; if *you*, lass, are having a good time without him he feels Threatened somehow. Drop him like a hot rock, or regret hanging onto him for the rest of your life. A lot more than your fingers are likely to get burnt Badly. with him around. The first time he Slaps you, or uses a fist, his opening remarks will include, NOW, look what *you* made me do. A series of fat lips (or worse)- versus a happy life with someone who says- 'Girls night in?? COOL! Enjoy, babe, and holler if you run out of chips or beer- I'll deliver them, but won't stay to break the ambiance.' Seems a simple choice to me, at least
What a infantile sod. Dump his a**e. I'm male and I really think this dude has issues.
Wait, what was his rationality for it being misogynistic? I am actually really curious to know. For instance, my husband would go play magic and it was kind of a guys night out thing they all did. I wasn't told I couldn't go, but even if they asked me to come I would absolutely never go because that just sounds painful to sit through. But it was good for him to have something he did with friends away from me and could talk to someone other than me about things he really loves but I don't care for. I am a loner so I loved having the house to myself for a few hours every now and then. Used that time to watch horror movies because my husband hates them and thinks they are all trash but I am addicted to them. Feel like a girl's night in or guys night out is healthy. Been with my husband for 15 years and having experiences separate from each other gives us something new to talk about and best of all, we don't get our feelings hurt when the other complains how much they hate the activity.
He's trying to control you, you're probably in step 2 of The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle. RUN. NOW. This is just the start, in a year he'll be telling you how to dress, where to work, what to eat. Just run from this controlling creep. Also, he doesn't want you having a GNI because his pathetic insecurity feels like you'll be hanging with another guy(s) instead of your girlfriends. He is deeply insecure, immature, abusive and manipulative. Run for your life and pray for the next poor woman who has to deal with his crap. SAVE YOURSELF!
Run, run, run. That's someone who is already gaslighting you, manipulating you and starting the process of demeaning and isolating you. Classic abusive behaviour. Just because they start out sweet and kind and lovely doesn't necessarily mean they stay that way. All you young men and women out there, PLEASE learn the signs of this kind of abuse so you recognize it before you fall prey to it.
Uh has nobody spotted the obvious - that 'mysogenistic' means 'prejudiced against women' the exact OPPOSITE of what a GNI is!
Will sounds like quite the catch. Like catching an STD. I suppose he's never had 'the guys over to watch the game" or similar? Homie is super insecure, controlling and manipulative, and this will not play out well for you. Finding out that this is where his head is has done you a big favor, and you don't deserve to be his Stepford girlfriend. Bow out now and save yourself from the abuse that is certain to come.
And that, theydies and gentlethems, is how you know your man is complete trash
She needs to break up the relationship NOW before going any further. She is extremely lucky that they don't live together and she is free to walk away from this creature. Someone who tries to separate someone else from friends and/or family is toxic and I hope she has the guts to break this off, now. Otherwise she'll never see her friends again and will probably be visiting the ER several times a year for broken bones.
What's misogynistic about hanging out with your friends without your partner?
The door (his)...run for it! Now! Slam it loudly, then nail it shut so he cannot leave his nasty, selfish, controlling little world. You will be doing a favor for all womankind. Then, pat yourself on the back and proceed to the nearest liquor store and buy an EXTRA large bottle of bubbly to celebrate your real relationship with your friends.
I'm so confused, does he think something else is going on? Like a MLM?
Yeah, they loved you but their love is suffocating, they will make you feel like you're the one who's in the wrong. It's tiring you know, it's better to be single than being miserable.😐
I stopped reading after the "are you serious" question of said "Will". None of your business, chump
Sadly, the thing with maturity is it often only comes with age in men.
You can't be misogynistic toward a man... Misogyny is literally hatred or contempt for women. Maybe tell him to look up misandry. His whole argument is floored. He sounds like a total prick who doesn't like it when he's not the centre of attention. Self seeking, narcissistic wanker.
If he claims his problem is that it’s solely a ‘girl’s night’ then invite a male friend along (not him or his friends!) Let’s see how quickly it becomes ‘if you’re inviting males I should be allowed to come too’ or if he accepts that and he truly does just dislike gendered things.
I will play butler for my wife and her friends, "need any more booze or snacks ladies" not ok just give me a shout if you need anything, as I disappear to my man shed for some weed and music time.
It almost seems to me he is trying to be woke but is missing any context..of life. I wouldn't immediately throw him out, just confirm first wether he is just misunderstanding or is just a moron. Maybe you can rephrase it as "my friends only night, who happen to all be female".
Think that's being overly charitable to be honest! If he doesn't know what something is or thinks it's about something else then why not ask or explain his fears? Instead of losing it? The fact that he is then so manipulative with his treatment of her when she rings to apologise (completely unnecessarily) - won't even talk to her. If we are to accept the facts as presented then I think she'd be better off walking away from this person.
Load More Replies...I think she was saying she admires him for knowing how to fix cars. It was about fixing up the cars, not about having 2 cars.
Load More Replies...And just like that, the insecure man shows up.
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