In these days of modernity and gender equality, going Dutch on a date and splitting the bill is nothing new. It’s no big deal: we’ve seen it before and (odds are) we’ve done it countless times. However, something that you probably haven’t done is asking for equal payment after a few dates when you realize that you won’t be seeing that person again.
That’s exactly the weird situation that Alex Colboth from Milwaukee in Wisconsin found herself in. The guy she was seeing messaged her and asked her to reimburse him for the three dates that they’d been on when he was rejected by her. “It’s only fair to ask for equal payment from you,” he wrote.
This unusual request sparked quite a debate on Twitter. While social media users came out in support of the guy for having the guts to be so upfront, others thought that he was completely out of line. Have a read through the man’s message to Alex and let us know who you think is in the right here, dear Pandas. How would you respond if you were Alex?
More info: Twitter | Instagram
Alex shared how a guy asked her for a refund when she said she didn’t want to see him anymore after 3 dates
Image credits: alexcolboth
Image credits: alexx_colboth
Alex later gave all of us an update that she didn’t reimburse her Tinder match after his request.
Some Twitter users pointed out that the man was being unreasonable because he refused to accept the fact that dating is a risk. You might find yourself falling in love or you might realize that you wasted your time. But you move on. And, if you’re lucky, you learn a little something for the next date.
Meanwhile, other Twitter users noted that, in their opinion, there’s nothing wrong with asking for your money back. We’re living in 2021 after all.
The Harvard Business Review points out that what’s truly important during those first few dates is honesty and openness about your views on money. “Rather than letting outdated assumptions lurk in the background, be open about money right from the get-go, and come to a decision you’re both comfortable with,” Kiara Taylor writes on HBR.
Because everyone’s financial situation is different, it’s vital that you set out very clear boundaries for budgets, gifts, and expectations for who will foot the bill as soon as possible. Avoiding the question because you feel uncomfortable will only create more trouble down the line, especially if you feel that the relationship is getting serious.
On the flip side, if the romance doesn’t work out, then what do you have to lose by being candid about your financial expectations. According to HBR, this honesty about your views on money can deepen your relationship and increase your empathy for one another. And if we follow this advice, it’s clear that we should bite the bullet and ask to split the bill during the date and not after. Though some would still disagree.
Twitter users had various reactions to the situation, with some criticizing the guy for having the audacity to ask for his money back and others showing their support
Image credits: LeeshaBabeeee
Image credits: Fuvkmarty
Image credits: Zeroxmachina
Image credits: art__emm
Image credits: BeUtifulEnigma7
Image credits: Laura99135119
Image credits: inDigo_Papii
Image credits: just_atoyy
Image credits: sierrablawrence
Image credits: MabeyBrent
Image credits: pubhealthdarlng
Image credits: imanicaa10
Image credits: notneeva
Image credits: ladyryah95
Image credits: AshleyAlready
Image credits: chuuchuuengine
Image credits: Rising_Aron
Image credits: Daphne_488
Image credits: LindsayFromTX
Image credits: forbanter2
Image credits: LukeGreensmith
Image credits: stephanietrajj
Image credits: MobolajiAdewal3
Image credits: dominick_keene
Image credits: JavDeLa
Image credits: Marcdachamp
Image credits: OnceMerc
Image credits: KingstonBraeden
Image credits: ivaniscold
Image credits: SnakeskinMoth
Image credits: tweakiwnl
If you want to split the bill, that’s perfectly fine. But treating someone to dinner and THEN demanding money is just petty.
Exactly. I always prefer to split if i dont know a lot a person because i feel guilty if the other one pays. But asking for a "refund" is ridiculous. What did he think that she is? A prostitute? He puts money and gets a woman?
Load More Replies...
So he means he was paying to get laid? Also: that's exactly why when I was dating I've always wanted to split the bill. No way you're making me feel like I owe you anything. That said, I would reimburse him with 40 dollars. Go get a coffee hun, it's on me.
I don't like either of these two. Why go on three dates with someone you clearly don't like and make him pay everything? And post it all on Twitter to get approval from strangers? And if this man decided to pay for dates, why request the money back? It's not big amount, have dignity, suck it up and go on. Requesting money back from dates is rude, it sounds like you were "investing" into her, which is awful.
It can take a lot more than 3 dates to realise you don't like someone or that they aren't right for you. We actually don't know if she made him pay, he could have insisted on paying expecting to get something out of it. which sounds like his plan all along, since he is asking for the money back coz he didn't get what he "paid" for. We are not objects to return for a bloody refund. We are not obligated to date someone just because they paid for something.
Load More Replies...
We don't really know why she decided to stop dating him, maybe she realized that he's an a...hole, woulnt' be surprised if he made a comment about returning the favour by sleeping with him etc...
Had he done that, a person who would put this on the internet would certainly have put that on the internet.
Load More Replies...
#DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions
Shelly, I am pretty certain noone is going to pull this stunt on you ~ You don't leave any doubt about where you stand!
Load More Replies...
He's treating you like a prostitute. In effect he is saying he "paid" for you up front and your "failed to deliver" and he wants his money back.
He expected something for his money and that's weird. He wasted his time and so did she. He should've been up front about wanting to split the bill but instead he paid bc he expected something from her. Call me crazy but if I ask someone to do something I would expect to pay unless otherwise stated.
I would expect that everyone pays for themselves. This might be a cultural difference, though, or it might just be me :)
Load More Replies...
If it was $350 I might understand it, but $35?? Seriously dude, if you can't afford that you say you want to split the bill on the first date. It's not like she used you, she spent time with you and then realized it wouldn't work. You were happy to pay for three dates. Don't come crying later.
Alright kids, here are the rules: 1) Whoever initiates the date should go in with the expectation of paying the entire bill, regardless of gender. Especially on the first date: if you ask someone out, you should be prepared to pay for the date. But you also get to choose the date venue/activity, so if you're low on $, go for a coffee or a restaurant with an affordable menu that doesn't include alcohol. 2) Once the bill arrives, the date-initiator should go in to pay 100%, and the other person should then insist on paying their share. If you accept a date invitation, always come prepared to pay for yourself, and you should politely offer to do so at least 2-3 times if initially met with a refusal. If the non-initiator doesn't even offer to split the bill, that's a red flag. If that happens and you don't like it, and you STILL ask them out again, then that's on you. 3) Whether the date-initiator still insists on paying 100%, or you spilt the bill, all payment is a sunk cost, and that's the end of the financial transaction. No refunds, and no future expectations/obligations for either party. 4) This only applies to the first three-ish dates, at most. Once you're headed toward a relationship, you need to actually communicate, so that neither party is initiating/paying for everything.
Once a guy took me out to the McDonalds. I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten yet. I really wanted to buy some fries, but he was the gentleman and insisted on paying, so I only got a coffee lol.
Load More Replies...
Nothing wrong with women paying 50% of the bill, but this guy should have asked during the dates. No backsies!
"But want to spoil you! I want to treat you like a queen! I'm a gentleman! I'm a nice guy!!!"
Load More Replies... I want more context for this story. Was he insisting on paying for both meals or did she expect/push him to? If the former, no, he doesn't get to ask for reimbursement; but if it's the latter then, yeah, I think it's fair because she pushed for it. I had a guy get awkwardly pressured into paying for my meal by a guy who realized we were on a date, then refused to accept when I offered to pay him back after we left the restaurant. Then, of course, when I refused to make out with him because 1) First date and I really didn't like his attitude and 2) WE WERE IN A CROWDED MALL, he demanded I pay him back after all. I only had a $20 from my tips which was more than meal had cost, but I didn't care, I wasn't paying him for the meal I was paying him to leave at that point. Highly doubt that happened 3 times over to this couple, though.
So by this logic, if you have a falling out with a friend you ought to be able to recoup half the value of all birthday gifts.... the possibilities for this are endless! Relationships of ALL kinds can be reduced to transactional partnerships. What a lovely thought. Why not just state upfront that he wanted to go Dutch, or did he fear that it would reduce his chances of nookie? That miscalculation is on him.
Some people do. Or they’ll spend hours obsessing over all the gifts etc.
Load More Replies...
If you ask someone out, you are the host and they are your guest, regardless of gender. First meeting, I'd meet for coffee and pay for myself anyway. $12 isn't a date, it's coffee or fast food.
All in all, at least he asked politely. In principle, however, the financial situation should have been discussed from the beginning in order to avoid repercussions. Of course, she owes him nothing, but he owes her just as little. I would insist in paying for my own food. If the date doensn't turn out to be a success you part ways with a clean conscience and a full belly that you could afford yourself.
Splitting in advance is fine but asking for money back is like saying he didn't get what he paid for he's acting like he wants a refund for services not rendered date does not equal sex You are buying her a meal not paying for services
Okay, so yeah it's a bit petty BUT what I don't understand is why they went on 3 dates - everytime at a restaurant or bar and why she didn't pay once? It's only fair to change who is paying,
Not contributing to the cost of three dates and then tried to humiliate the person on social media ... suggestive of a narcissist.
Load More Replies...
First of all - I always pay my own bills because then I can order as much and whatever I like without having to think about somebody else's financial possibilities. I would NEVER expect to be invited by my date - thankfully, that is not even very common in Germany, you just pay for your own stuff. If somebody later on vehemently insists on inviting me that is also fine with me - but then let there be no strings attached! A gift is not a gift if you expect anything at all in return! A cocktail does not buy you a kiss and dinner does not magically upgrade you to intercourse because I am not for sale.
i live in Germany as well. If someone (male or female doesn‘t matter to me) treats me i will take it as a gift. Like you said: A gift is a gift. I don‘t owe anyone for treating me. If i like someone i will treat him/her in return next time though. It‘s easy as that. That guy treated her three times. She doesn‘t owe him anything and 35$ can‘t buy anyone love.
Load More Replies...
A few years ago a straight friend of mine started dating again after a divorce, and she developed some very strong feelings about who pays for dates. She would meet a new potential for coffee or a beer, and decide whether he met her criteria for being date-worthy. Apparently he had to pay for his own drink, not be a drug addict, and not frighten her. Because unfortunately she mentioned some very bad experiences before she learned how to spot the creepers, and at least once had to choose between rape and violent rape. So she now feels that the *risk* inherent to dating is why women shouldn't pay for dates. She's in a good relationship now and happily pays for half (or more) of their expenses.
Hmmn, I wonder if she had made any offer to split the bill or contribute during any of the dates. Most girls I know would pay for most of the second date if the other person paid for the first date, if they hadn't gone dutch. I would never expect to go out and not spend anything. That said, it's not really great to ask after the event when it makes it look like he was expecting something in return from his generosity.
As a woman, I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, it's clear that the guy believes he was pre-paying for sex. Because their dates "didn't go anywhere," he wants his investment returned. He treated her like a prostitute who refused to perform, which is obviously unacceptable. However... On the other hand, why did she let him pay if they weren't in a relationship? Pay for yourself, honey. If you're going to behave like property that can be bought, don't complain when you're treated like it, which is also unacceptable.
The person who invites the other pays. They aren't in a relationship *yet*, because the whole point of dating is to test drive the chemistry and see if it works.
Load More Replies...
He tried to look flash by paying, but is now realising he couldn't afford it. Just be yourself and if you want to split the bill for the first few dates while you figure things out then that's fine, but don't pay for everything and then ask for a refund later because you're bitter.
I always suggest paying for myself, but if a person insists it will be their treat - fine. And sometimes I may offer to pay for my date too, but I consider it just a gesture of goodwill, not an investment with hopes for something more. If you can't afford to pay for both - offer to split the bill. If you are ready to pay, but under certain circumstances - make sure you verbaize it, like "I'll pay for you, but if this won't work out, you'll be paying me back". If you are just saying "I'll pay for you, that's fine" - your date is naturally going to assume they don't need to worry about it anymore. Always be transparent in your financial deals.
If you wanna exchange money for intercourse, go to a prostitute. Simple as that. And QUIETLY give her the same amount as a tip, only she needs to know - pimps have microphones in the rooms where it takes place, some even camreas, all of that hidden, of course. She does the actual work, she has to deal with weird demands, so she earning the most out of it is the least bit that should never not be met.
I think that she knew well before the 3rd date that the guy wasn't what she was looking for but continued to see him out of boredom doesn't speak well of her, the giant balls he has are hilarious to ask to be paid back is creepy. I would definitely reimburse him just to have a clear conscience. What a bargin.bargain. Roughly $12.00 per date and feeling cheated that she didn't feel the need to take it further is pretty sad for him. He should be honest and up front about what he expects from the dating he obviously cannot afford. I'd say they both got off pretty cheap. Give the guy his money back he must be desperate to have asked for it back.
Yet another man who assumes a woman should act like a $1,000 hooker after asking her out.
1. $35 refund on 3 dates suggests really cheap dates. 2. A polite request but he was being really petty. 3. Why didn't she pay for some of these dates at the time? 4. Considering her attempt to humiliate him on social media she is hypocritical with her claim of audacity. 5. Her behaviour suggests that she is arrogant, self-entitled & a narcisit, so he may have dodged a bullet.
I am on the fence with this one. I prefer going dutch on dates. No one has any obligations and can part ways amicably. So I think it's fair. But then if he was that one that insisted on paying then he is now going back on his word. This I cannot agree with.
“I tried to treat you like a cheap hooker by forking out under $12 per date on you and you refused to let me...” what a d**k
Lmao, I didn't know the Terms and Conditions Agreement had a Tinder profile. No one bothers reading those!
If I wasn't sure about where the dates will go in the near future but agreed to get together with the individual, then I always always offer to pay my share. If he/she takes accepts it, there will zero judgement. If he insisted to pay the whole bill, then I will be grateful and try to return the favour during the next outing. It works out great for me and I find it very respectful from both sides, often we still remain friends even when it didn't work romantically!
Same thing happened to me. We just weren't a good match after the first date so he asked for his $40 back for the date. He even said he would talk to his lawyer if I didn't pay him back but I didn't hear anything more... men are strange creatures.
Don't you consider it a generalisation to extrapolate from one person's behaviour to all members of that gender?
Load More Replies...
This reminds me of of an old story of mine. I had a date for valentine's day and wanted my date to feel special. I went all out with the dinner reservations, alcohol and gifts on top of that (at least$100). I got stood up. It sucked and hurt me very much. But, I would never think to ask for any compensation. This was a date, not a business transaction. Everything I did was my own choice and I did it with no strings attached. If you're willing to ask for a date and offer to pay, do it out of generosity. Being nice does not need terms and conditions.
If he couldn't afford or didn't want to split the bill he should have made that clear at the time. You learn a little more about yourself on dates therefore it's only wasted time if you don't take any lessons from it. What he did just made it all kind of transactional and grubby.
To me this is paramount to purchasing a new book reading a new book being disappointed with what you read and then trying to go get a refund.
You’d be amazed how many people buy a power tool Friday and return it Tuesday.
Load More Replies... Sounds like your grandfather has a toxic view of women.
Load More Replies... This man is WRONG! Women get paid less then men ALL THE TIME. Women are charged more for services (like car maintenance) and pressed harder when applying for loans and credit. And a nasty comment made earlier about women being narcissistic -- this man made his choice on her looks, not her personalilty. She was kind enough to accept his dates and made her evaluation accordingly. Evidently she was right about his petty nature, which he proceeded to underline with this request. And if a woman is actually selling herself SHE SETS THE TERMS. Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want. Suck it up, buddy!
Not true. My ex makes less than me, the man who cleans the apartment here makes less. Men who do real work get less than me, sitting behind a desk, making maps. And it does not matter one bit what he makes. I went out with a super rich guy, bragging about his money. I felt bad to take an icecream from him. I'm not his wife, not his girlfriend. Why should he have to pay?
Load More Replies...
Seriously? We are now putting a monetary value on dating? Because that's what I'm hearing here?
It has been years since I was dating but I always made it my policy to split all bills when I went out on a date. No one paid for the other. Never felt obliged & there was none of that, you owe me after my date paid for dinner. Men will do anything to get a woman in bed & I never wanted to be in that position. I'd send him the money & consider it well spent.
I agree that neither come out of this looking good. If I had to guess, he thought the dates were going better than she did and this is an awkward way of letting her know he's bummed. People are acting like he's demanding sex because he paid for the dates, he's not. It is pretty pathetic, but he also asked pretty respectfully and it doesn't seem like he is otherwise being rude or creepy. Honestly she is the asshole in this situation for trying to shame him online. She could easily have just texted back "I don't think so" and been done with it.
He should have said that before she agreed to go on a date. A Dutch woman agreed to split beforehand, but then she let him pay it all and it was expensive and she didn't want to see him anymore, didn't respond to his messages, so he went to the radio to get his money back. Hilarious. She hung up and got mad and the guy from the radio offered to pay him. https://youtu.be/IOjMxBg6rDQ
No going Dutch is 50/50, but he should have said that beforehand.
Load More Replies...
1. Dating = investment. Investment being dating = possible relationship. In that case, both wasted time, should equally waste money as well. Reimburse. 2. Dating = Fun time, with possibility of some kind of future. Person inviting, be expected to pay. Both people should be prepared and attempt to pay their way. You had fun, you should pay for it. But if someone insists...hey, I've covered many parties and dinners and such in my life, no skin off anyone's back if they insist. BUT that depends on the facts we DON'T know...which is how the dates went down. Could go 50/50 to either person. 3. Dating = business model for survival. You're dating him to use him for what he is offering you with no plan of moving forward with actual interest. To that, simple fact is, men hate you, and most women can't stand you either. Please stop being this shallow and self-interested. At the end, I see it 75% him, 25% her. So...my verdict is...."The Lion, the Witch, and the Audacity of THIS BITCH."
tbh, if I was a guy and she never offered to split the bill any of those 3 times I would have dumped her. She shouldn't have been such an assuming sponge and offered to pay her share when they were out. Asking for it like this makes him look like the bad guy, which really is a d**k move on his part. You don't ask to be reimbursed after it doesn't work out like it was an investment that didn't pay off.
Whoever asks for the first date pays, same for second date. After that the other pays, then split from that point on unless one insists on treating you. You can't expect either one to pay fully for a place that isn't in their budget so you have to make allowances for that as well. A person who makes three times more than their date should not expect to be taken to a fancy place on the others dime. It's a crapshoot, most people know by date 3 if there is a connection or not & no, you don't get your money back ever!
First off, this screams of BS to me, but the low $ amount makes it really petty at best. If you cant handle writing off $35 as a learning experience, maybe you shouldn't be dating yet. Seems like $35 to learn someone isn't for you is a really good deal. What kind of date can be had for 1/3 of $70? Alex doesn't look like a teenager, but if she were smart she would send him his $35 and raise her standards a bit.
Meh. Her twitter screams ‘kid’. That’s not a judgement, we all were (some of us still are or will be again lol).
Load More Replies... He's a clown who clearly does not understand the concept of dating. But way to advertise to the world your brokeness, your cheapness, your small d**k energy, your viewing women as cheap prostitutes who owe you their services, your pettiness, and your lack of dignity dude! How embarrassing for you! No wonder women find you repellent!
He didn’t advertise it to the world. She did, to gain some cheap likes in the internet.
Load More Replies...
If he wants to get something for his money, he can hire a prostitute. Of course for ten bucks a date, he's not going to be able to afford anyone but Penicillin Penny And Her Roving Syphillis.
Maybe he was developing feelings and thought she was reciprocating.
Load More Replies...
Don't bother dating broke ass dudes, you'll end up splitting the bills for years
She needs to send him an itemized bill for her time, her make-up, her hair products, her outfit, her manicure and pedicure, her perfume, and transportation costs to and from the date. By the time a woman shows up on a date, she has already paid. Men have their shower(sometimes, but not guaranteed), s**t, and shave routine and might put on a clean shirt before heading out the door. A woman puts much more time and cost into preparing for the date, not to mention our valuable time sitting there providing conversation, listening to his story, and making the dude look good because he has a beautiful woman at his side. Women provide a chance to man--if it's a match, then a romantic relationship is a possibility. That chance does not come free. It isn't waterfront real estate--it's dinner. A man who can't perform the most perfunctory duties of a date doesn't deserve to be on one. Stop undervaluing yourselves, ladies. Women choose, and a good man knows it and acts accordingly.
Men buy new outfits for dates too, and some even get manicures. They also pay for transportation (unless they're a bus driver). Men also put just as much time and effort into the date, and they provide a chance for the woman (neither are doing each other a favour). Also, as far as I know, women don't buy new makeup, hair products, and perfume for each date.
Load More Replies...
He's an asshole for asking for money, but also I really can't stand the fact that in this day and age, men are expected to pay for everything and women let them. Like, equality exists for a reason. If you expect a man to buy you everything, then don't be surprised if he's an asshole who expects something in return.
If only equality actually existed. The gender pay gap is real. That said, i would always go Dutch on a first date, because there are people out there with strange ideas about money. And sex. I would wait until I got more of a sense of his take, before I'd consider letting him pay the whole bill. I've been in a 20 year relationship. Sometimes I pay, sometimes he does, all depends on the circumstance.
Load More Replies... 
So men don't dress well and groom for a date? That their time isn't valuable too? Would you think it fair if a guy refused to pay for dinner if you didn't dress up and year make up??! This isn't the 1950s anymore, buy your own meals/drinks.
Load More Replies... If you want to split the bill, that’s perfectly fine. But treating someone to dinner and THEN demanding money is just petty.
Exactly. I always prefer to split if i dont know a lot a person because i feel guilty if the other one pays. But asking for a "refund" is ridiculous. What did he think that she is? A prostitute? He puts money and gets a woman?
Load More Replies... So he means he was paying to get laid? Also: that's exactly why when I was dating I've always wanted to split the bill. No way you're making me feel like I owe you anything. That said, I would reimburse him with 40 dollars. Go get a coffee hun, it's on me.
I don't like either of these two. Why go on three dates with someone you clearly don't like and make him pay everything? And post it all on Twitter to get approval from strangers? And if this man decided to pay for dates, why request the money back? It's not big amount, have dignity, suck it up and go on. Requesting money back from dates is rude, it sounds like you were "investing" into her, which is awful.
It can take a lot more than 3 dates to realise you don't like someone or that they aren't right for you. We actually don't know if she made him pay, he could have insisted on paying expecting to get something out of it. which sounds like his plan all along, since he is asking for the money back coz he didn't get what he "paid" for. We are not objects to return for a bloody refund. We are not obligated to date someone just because they paid for something.
Load More Replies... We don't really know why she decided to stop dating him, maybe she realized that he's an a...hole, woulnt' be surprised if he made a comment about returning the favour by sleeping with him etc...
Had he done that, a person who would put this on the internet would certainly have put that on the internet.
Load More Replies... #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions #DatesAreNotTransactions
Shelly, I am pretty certain noone is going to pull this stunt on you ~ You don't leave any doubt about where you stand!
Load More Replies... He's treating you like a prostitute. In effect he is saying he "paid" for you up front and your "failed to deliver" and he wants his money back.
He expected something for his money and that's weird. He wasted his time and so did she. He should've been up front about wanting to split the bill but instead he paid bc he expected something from her. Call me crazy but if I ask someone to do something I would expect to pay unless otherwise stated.
I would expect that everyone pays for themselves. This might be a cultural difference, though, or it might just be me :)
Load More Replies... If it was $350 I might understand it, but $35?? Seriously dude, if you can't afford that you say you want to split the bill on the first date. It's not like she used you, she spent time with you and then realized it wouldn't work. You were happy to pay for three dates. Don't come crying later.
Alright kids, here are the rules: 1) Whoever initiates the date should go in with the expectation of paying the entire bill, regardless of gender. Especially on the first date: if you ask someone out, you should be prepared to pay for the date. But you also get to choose the date venue/activity, so if you're low on $, go for a coffee or a restaurant with an affordable menu that doesn't include alcohol. 2) Once the bill arrives, the date-initiator should go in to pay 100%, and the other person should then insist on paying their share. If you accept a date invitation, always come prepared to pay for yourself, and you should politely offer to do so at least 2-3 times if initially met with a refusal. If the non-initiator doesn't even offer to split the bill, that's a red flag. If that happens and you don't like it, and you STILL ask them out again, then that's on you. 3) Whether the date-initiator still insists on paying 100%, or you spilt the bill, all payment is a sunk cost, and that's the end of the financial transaction. No refunds, and no future expectations/obligations for either party. 4) This only applies to the first three-ish dates, at most. Once you're headed toward a relationship, you need to actually communicate, so that neither party is initiating/paying for everything.
Once a guy took me out to the McDonalds. I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten yet. I really wanted to buy some fries, but he was the gentleman and insisted on paying, so I only got a coffee lol.
Load More Replies... Nothing wrong with women paying 50% of the bill, but this guy should have asked during the dates. No backsies!
"But want to spoil you! I want to treat you like a queen! I'm a gentleman! I'm a nice guy!!!"
Load More Replies... I want more context for this story. Was he insisting on paying for both meals or did she expect/push him to? If the former, no, he doesn't get to ask for reimbursement; but if it's the latter then, yeah, I think it's fair because she pushed for it. I had a guy get awkwardly pressured into paying for my meal by a guy who realized we were on a date, then refused to accept when I offered to pay him back after we left the restaurant. Then, of course, when I refused to make out with him because 1) First date and I really didn't like his attitude and 2) WE WERE IN A CROWDED MALL, he demanded I pay him back after all. I only had a $20 from my tips which was more than meal had cost, but I didn't care, I wasn't paying him for the meal I was paying him to leave at that point. Highly doubt that happened 3 times over to this couple, though.
So by this logic, if you have a falling out with a friend you ought to be able to recoup half the value of all birthday gifts.... the possibilities for this are endless! Relationships of ALL kinds can be reduced to transactional partnerships. What a lovely thought. Why not just state upfront that he wanted to go Dutch, or did he fear that it would reduce his chances of nookie? That miscalculation is on him.
Some people do. Or they’ll spend hours obsessing over all the gifts etc.
Load More Replies... If you ask someone out, you are the host and they are your guest, regardless of gender. First meeting, I'd meet for coffee and pay for myself anyway. $12 isn't a date, it's coffee or fast food.
All in all, at least he asked politely. In principle, however, the financial situation should have been discussed from the beginning in order to avoid repercussions. Of course, she owes him nothing, but he owes her just as little. I would insist in paying for my own food. If the date doensn't turn out to be a success you part ways with a clean conscience and a full belly that you could afford yourself.
Splitting in advance is fine but asking for money back is like saying he didn't get what he paid for he's acting like he wants a refund for services not rendered date does not equal sex You are buying her a meal not paying for services
Okay, so yeah it's a bit petty BUT what I don't understand is why they went on 3 dates - everytime at a restaurant or bar and why she didn't pay once? It's only fair to change who is paying,
Not contributing to the cost of three dates and then tried to humiliate the person on social media ... suggestive of a narcissist.
Load More Replies... First of all - I always pay my own bills because then I can order as much and whatever I like without having to think about somebody else's financial possibilities. I would NEVER expect to be invited by my date - thankfully, that is not even very common in Germany, you just pay for your own stuff. If somebody later on vehemently insists on inviting me that is also fine with me - but then let there be no strings attached! A gift is not a gift if you expect anything at all in return! A cocktail does not buy you a kiss and dinner does not magically upgrade you to intercourse because I am not for sale.
i live in Germany as well. If someone (male or female doesn‘t matter to me) treats me i will take it as a gift. Like you said: A gift is a gift. I don‘t owe anyone for treating me. If i like someone i will treat him/her in return next time though. It‘s easy as that. That guy treated her three times. She doesn‘t owe him anything and 35$ can‘t buy anyone love.
Load More Replies... A few years ago a straight friend of mine started dating again after a divorce, and she developed some very strong feelings about who pays for dates. She would meet a new potential for coffee or a beer, and decide whether he met her criteria for being date-worthy. Apparently he had to pay for his own drink, not be a drug addict, and not frighten her. Because unfortunately she mentioned some very bad experiences before she learned how to spot the creepers, and at least once had to choose between rape and violent rape. So she now feels that the *risk* inherent to dating is why women shouldn't pay for dates. She's in a good relationship now and happily pays for half (or more) of their expenses.
Hmmn, I wonder if she had made any offer to split the bill or contribute during any of the dates. Most girls I know would pay for most of the second date if the other person paid for the first date, if they hadn't gone dutch. I would never expect to go out and not spend anything. That said, it's not really great to ask after the event when it makes it look like he was expecting something in return from his generosity.
As a woman, I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, it's clear that the guy believes he was pre-paying for sex. Because their dates "didn't go anywhere," he wants his investment returned. He treated her like a prostitute who refused to perform, which is obviously unacceptable. However... On the other hand, why did she let him pay if they weren't in a relationship? Pay for yourself, honey. If you're going to behave like property that can be bought, don't complain when you're treated like it, which is also unacceptable.
The person who invites the other pays. They aren't in a relationship *yet*, because the whole point of dating is to test drive the chemistry and see if it works.
Load More Replies... He tried to look flash by paying, but is now realising he couldn't afford it. Just be yourself and if you want to split the bill for the first few dates while you figure things out then that's fine, but don't pay for everything and then ask for a refund later because you're bitter.
I always suggest paying for myself, but if a person insists it will be their treat - fine. And sometimes I may offer to pay for my date too, but I consider it just a gesture of goodwill, not an investment with hopes for something more. If you can't afford to pay for both - offer to split the bill. If you are ready to pay, but under certain circumstances - make sure you verbaize it, like "I'll pay for you, but if this won't work out, you'll be paying me back". If you are just saying "I'll pay for you, that's fine" - your date is naturally going to assume they don't need to worry about it anymore. Always be transparent in your financial deals.
If you wanna exchange money for intercourse, go to a prostitute. Simple as that. And QUIETLY give her the same amount as a tip, only she needs to know - pimps have microphones in the rooms where it takes place, some even camreas, all of that hidden, of course. She does the actual work, she has to deal with weird demands, so she earning the most out of it is the least bit that should never not be met.
I think that she knew well before the 3rd date that the guy wasn't what she was looking for but continued to see him out of boredom doesn't speak well of her, the giant balls he has are hilarious to ask to be paid back is creepy. I would definitely reimburse him just to have a clear conscience. What a bargin.bargain. Roughly $12.00 per date and feeling cheated that she didn't feel the need to take it further is pretty sad for him. He should be honest and up front about what he expects from the dating he obviously cannot afford. I'd say they both got off pretty cheap. Give the guy his money back he must be desperate to have asked for it back.
Yet another man who assumes a woman should act like a $1,000 hooker after asking her out.
1. $35 refund on 3 dates suggests really cheap dates. 2. A polite request but he was being really petty. 3. Why didn't she pay for some of these dates at the time? 4. Considering her attempt to humiliate him on social media she is hypocritical with her claim of audacity. 5. Her behaviour suggests that she is arrogant, self-entitled & a narcisit, so he may have dodged a bullet.
I am on the fence with this one. I prefer going dutch on dates. No one has any obligations and can part ways amicably. So I think it's fair. But then if he was that one that insisted on paying then he is now going back on his word. This I cannot agree with.
“I tried to treat you like a cheap hooker by forking out under $12 per date on you and you refused to let me...” what a d**k
Lmao, I didn't know the Terms and Conditions Agreement had a Tinder profile. No one bothers reading those!
If I wasn't sure about where the dates will go in the near future but agreed to get together with the individual, then I always always offer to pay my share. If he/she takes accepts it, there will zero judgement. If he insisted to pay the whole bill, then I will be grateful and try to return the favour during the next outing. It works out great for me and I find it very respectful from both sides, often we still remain friends even when it didn't work romantically!
Same thing happened to me. We just weren't a good match after the first date so he asked for his $40 back for the date. He even said he would talk to his lawyer if I didn't pay him back but I didn't hear anything more... men are strange creatures.
Don't you consider it a generalisation to extrapolate from one person's behaviour to all members of that gender?
Load More Replies... This reminds me of of an old story of mine. I had a date for valentine's day and wanted my date to feel special. I went all out with the dinner reservations, alcohol and gifts on top of that (at least$100). I got stood up. It sucked and hurt me very much. But, I would never think to ask for any compensation. This was a date, not a business transaction. Everything I did was my own choice and I did it with no strings attached. If you're willing to ask for a date and offer to pay, do it out of generosity. Being nice does not need terms and conditions.
If he couldn't afford or didn't want to split the bill he should have made that clear at the time. You learn a little more about yourself on dates therefore it's only wasted time if you don't take any lessons from it. What he did just made it all kind of transactional and grubby.
To me this is paramount to purchasing a new book reading a new book being disappointed with what you read and then trying to go get a refund.
You’d be amazed how many people buy a power tool Friday and return it Tuesday.
Load More Replies... Sounds like your grandfather has a toxic view of women.
Load More Replies... This man is WRONG! Women get paid less then men ALL THE TIME. Women are charged more for services (like car maintenance) and pressed harder when applying for loans and credit. And a nasty comment made earlier about women being narcissistic -- this man made his choice on her looks, not her personalilty. She was kind enough to accept his dates and made her evaluation accordingly. Evidently she was right about his petty nature, which he proceeded to underline with this request. And if a woman is actually selling herself SHE SETS THE TERMS. Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want. Suck it up, buddy!
Not true. My ex makes less than me, the man who cleans the apartment here makes less. Men who do real work get less than me, sitting behind a desk, making maps. And it does not matter one bit what he makes. I went out with a super rich guy, bragging about his money. I felt bad to take an icecream from him. I'm not his wife, not his girlfriend. Why should he have to pay?
Load More Replies... Seriously? We are now putting a monetary value on dating? Because that's what I'm hearing here?
It has been years since I was dating but I always made it my policy to split all bills when I went out on a date. No one paid for the other. Never felt obliged & there was none of that, you owe me after my date paid for dinner. Men will do anything to get a woman in bed & I never wanted to be in that position. I'd send him the money & consider it well spent.
I agree that neither come out of this looking good. If I had to guess, he thought the dates were going better than she did and this is an awkward way of letting her know he's bummed. People are acting like he's demanding sex because he paid for the dates, he's not. It is pretty pathetic, but he also asked pretty respectfully and it doesn't seem like he is otherwise being rude or creepy. Honestly she is the asshole in this situation for trying to shame him online. She could easily have just texted back "I don't think so" and been done with it.
He should have said that before she agreed to go on a date. A Dutch woman agreed to split beforehand, but then she let him pay it all and it was expensive and she didn't want to see him anymore, didn't respond to his messages, so he went to the radio to get his money back. Hilarious. She hung up and got mad and the guy from the radio offered to pay him. https://youtu.be/IOjMxBg6rDQ
No going Dutch is 50/50, but he should have said that beforehand.
Load More Replies... 1. Dating = investment. Investment being dating = possible relationship. In that case, both wasted time, should equally waste money as well. Reimburse. 2. Dating = Fun time, with possibility of some kind of future. Person inviting, be expected to pay. Both people should be prepared and attempt to pay their way. You had fun, you should pay for it. But if someone insists...hey, I've covered many parties and dinners and such in my life, no skin off anyone's back if they insist. BUT that depends on the facts we DON'T know...which is how the dates went down. Could go 50/50 to either person. 3. Dating = business model for survival. You're dating him to use him for what he is offering you with no plan of moving forward with actual interest. To that, simple fact is, men hate you, and most women can't stand you either. Please stop being this shallow and self-interested. At the end, I see it 75% him, 25% her. So...my verdict is...."The Lion, the Witch, and the Audacity of THIS BITCH."
tbh, if I was a guy and she never offered to split the bill any of those 3 times I would have dumped her. She shouldn't have been such an assuming sponge and offered to pay her share when they were out. Asking for it like this makes him look like the bad guy, which really is a d**k move on his part. You don't ask to be reimbursed after it doesn't work out like it was an investment that didn't pay off.
Whoever asks for the first date pays, same for second date. After that the other pays, then split from that point on unless one insists on treating you. You can't expect either one to pay fully for a place that isn't in their budget so you have to make allowances for that as well. A person who makes three times more than their date should not expect to be taken to a fancy place on the others dime. It's a crapshoot, most people know by date 3 if there is a connection or not & no, you don't get your money back ever!
First off, this screams of BS to me, but the low $ amount makes it really petty at best. If you cant handle writing off $35 as a learning experience, maybe you shouldn't be dating yet. Seems like $35 to learn someone isn't for you is a really good deal. What kind of date can be had for 1/3 of $70? Alex doesn't look like a teenager, but if she were smart she would send him his $35 and raise her standards a bit.
Meh. Her twitter screams ‘kid’. That’s not a judgement, we all were (some of us still are or will be again lol).
Load More Replies... He's a clown who clearly does not understand the concept of dating. But way to advertise to the world your brokeness, your cheapness, your small d**k energy, your viewing women as cheap prostitutes who owe you their services, your pettiness, and your lack of dignity dude! How embarrassing for you! No wonder women find you repellent!
He didn’t advertise it to the world. She did, to gain some cheap likes in the internet.
Load More Replies... If he wants to get something for his money, he can hire a prostitute. Of course for ten bucks a date, he's not going to be able to afford anyone but Penicillin Penny And Her Roving Syphillis.
Maybe he was developing feelings and thought she was reciprocating.
Load More Replies... Don't bother dating broke ass dudes, you'll end up splitting the bills for years
She needs to send him an itemized bill for her time, her make-up, her hair products, her outfit, her manicure and pedicure, her perfume, and transportation costs to and from the date. By the time a woman shows up on a date, she has already paid. Men have their shower(sometimes, but not guaranteed), s**t, and shave routine and might put on a clean shirt before heading out the door. A woman puts much more time and cost into preparing for the date, not to mention our valuable time sitting there providing conversation, listening to his story, and making the dude look good because he has a beautiful woman at his side. Women provide a chance to man--if it's a match, then a romantic relationship is a possibility. That chance does not come free. It isn't waterfront real estate--it's dinner. A man who can't perform the most perfunctory duties of a date doesn't deserve to be on one. Stop undervaluing yourselves, ladies. Women choose, and a good man knows it and acts accordingly.
Men buy new outfits for dates too, and some even get manicures. They also pay for transportation (unless they're a bus driver). Men also put just as much time and effort into the date, and they provide a chance for the woman (neither are doing each other a favour). Also, as far as I know, women don't buy new makeup, hair products, and perfume for each date.
Load More Replies... He's an asshole for asking for money, but also I really can't stand the fact that in this day and age, men are expected to pay for everything and women let them. Like, equality exists for a reason. If you expect a man to buy you everything, then don't be surprised if he's an asshole who expects something in return.
If only equality actually existed. The gender pay gap is real. That said, i would always go Dutch on a first date, because there are people out there with strange ideas about money. And sex. I would wait until I got more of a sense of his take, before I'd consider letting him pay the whole bill. I've been in a 20 year relationship. Sometimes I pay, sometimes he does, all depends on the circumstance.
Load More Replies... So men don't dress well and groom for a date? That their time isn't valuable too? Would you think it fair if a guy refused to pay for dinner if you didn't dress up and year make up??! This isn't the 1950s anymore, buy your own meals/drinks.
Load More Replies...
67
151