30 Times Male Authors Showed They Barely Know Anything About Women Interview
Making a character in a book seem realistic and interesting is no easy task. It’s not down to just your skills as a writer, though. You actually have to know a bit about who you’re writing about. In other words—do your research. Unfortunately, there are some male writers out there who seem to have major problems writing female characters and seem shy about asking their female friends for advice.
That’s where the ‘Men Write Women’ Twitter page comes in. It documents the scariest and most cringe-worthy examples of men writing about women without having any idea about them or their anatomy. Scroll down and read for yourselves, dear Pandas, because some of these examples have to be seen to be believed—that’s how unreal they are. Remember to upvote the best of the worst.
The project was started back in 2019 when Meghan Vondriska launched her version of the ‘Men Writing Women’ Reddit community. Now, the ‘Men Write Women’ Twitter page has 63k followers and there are 666 fans who follow their Instagram page. Very spooky and perfect for Halloween. "Women just want to be written as human. That's it. There isn't some wild scientific equation to writing women, and it isn't difficult. Write them as human, with complex feelings, not as body parts that happen to be put together into a feminine form," Vondriska told Bored Panda.
More info: Twitter | Instagram | MegVondriska.com
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We Don’t Get Real Pockets In Pants Because We Have Tiny Purses In Our Vaginas!!! (Stuart Woods, Desperate Measures)
Is that possible? (Don't judge. I don't do vaginas, so they're a bit of mystery to me)
"I'm an avid reader, but the straw that broke the camel's back was a novel my boyfriend lent me, where the female character was described by her breasts and the male character was described by his personality. Working in advertising, I tend to be Very Online, and so taking my anger to Twitter seemed like a natural parallel. I was familiar with the Men Writing Women subreddit, but created a Twitter account in order to craft a consistent narrative and to build a community that wasn't hidden behind anonymity," Vondriska revealed what inspired her to create 'Men Write Women.'
Vondriska, from Wisconsin, devours 3 to 5 books each week. (Meanwhile, our piles of started-but-unfinished books keep on growing.)
According to the founder of the 'Men Write Women' Twitter page, a lot of male writers who tend to be thought of as the "founders of the literary canon" are continuous offenders. "John Updike, for instance. But the greatest repeat offender is definitely Stephen King. His portrayal of his female characters is honestly offensive," Vondriska said.
Yes, Men Would Be Amaaazing At Handling Pregnancy - Evolution Really Screwed This One Up. Bonus Points For “No Woman Gets Raped Unless She’s Looking For It.”
I feel like this idiot may also be a sitting member of Congress. https://time.com/3001785/todd-akin-legitimate-rape-msnbc-child-of-rape/
Well Damn, Where Are All My Kids Then??
But did she have a tiny purse in her vagina? Just big enough for her drivers license?
Let's Not Forget This Gem Either
Just imagine the reverse: "every hair in my beard becoming a tiny penis"
However, it isn't all doom and gloom in the literary world. There are male writers who can write women well, too. "Terry Pratchett is wonderful, and I've yet to see a submission from Michael Crichton," Vondriska shared that she, like many of us, is a Pratchett fan.
Vondriska also pointed out that, in her opinion, the best writers are well-read. So she encouraged all of us to read more and (most importantly) read more widely.
"Pay attention to what you're reading, and who you're reading. You have to make sure your bookshelf isn't made up of just men. Add in some spice—some female authors, some nonbinary authors, authors of color. And lastly, just because you were assigned a book in high school, doesn't mean its good!"
Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]
![Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/5f97eccca5486_85gsxgu3r6s41__700.jpg "Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]")
That's Not How Any Of This Works
Oh dear, this guy just revealed himself to be a very very confused virgin.
Or he has a leaky butt problem and should consider visiting his doctor.
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If buttholes worked like this, we gay men would save so much money on lube.
🤣Oh goodness.... I'm loosing my s**t just reading this🤣
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😂😂😂...gonna use that from on “ swamp ass” 😂😂😂
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if her butt is getting wet all by itself, its bad, stinky news.
Wow, I'm tooooootally aroused by someone as frigging dumb as this. 🙄
Hm. Perhaps they peed themselves and the wet knickers have a wick effect and this is why the a**s is wet. Very sexy.
... OUR ASSHOLES DO NOT GET WET BECAUSE WE FEEL HORNY! IT'S OUR ***************** damn that felt good to vent about🤣
This could be written by a gay guy couldn’t it? I don’t see any feminine pronouns. Who is this character?
I uh think i have lost my appetite for the chocolate i was going to eat
Oh man, oh man, oh man!! My b******e puckered tightly when imagining what the fellow was in for. Definitely not the smooth ride he anticipated.
swamp ass anyone? I mean there are a couple ways a butt hole can get wet and they are: Lubricant, Sweat, Shower (or any form of submersion in water). I think that covers it...
I really want to know the context, this sounds like bad Omegaverse smut lol (and no self respecting Omegaverse author would say Butt Hole.) But usually it's guys whos assholes get wet in that lol
...said no woman ever. If you’re ‘wet’ down there you have diarrhoea.
Sounds like the make from the Chinese couple that couldn’t figure out why they weren’t getting pregnant when they were having sex every day...
Mine might pucker, but it must never, ever, ever be wet! Eww! Shart, party of two?
was this made by a second grader who just logged off of twitter like wut
Most folks would label this "seepage" and suggest a good incontinence garment.
omg this one made me laugh thiss writer is most definitely a virgin
I understand this happens if you eat too many sugar-free gummy bears.
Roflmfao! Calm down people ;) This looks like it is a homo-erotic book in the Mpreg genre. LOL
if your butt hole gets wet, my dear, it means high chance you ate something wrong
Personally I’d guess this is an Omegaverse story based on the wet b******e.
You know, I might understand if a man didn't quite know how vaginas worked but don't... men also have butt h*les...? I'm not so much concerned that this guy is a virgin, I'm more concerned that he doesn't seem to have an a**s. Where is all of his poop going? I'm not going to say it, but I think you know where I'm going with this.
Was this written by a man about a woman, or by a twelve-year-old girl about the bottom guy in a gay pairing? It could be either!
Who knows he’s even talking as a woman?Wouldn’t be surprised if they also didn’t understand homosexuality either 🤷🏼♀️
I cannot for the life of me see why people find sex apealing, much less reading OTHER people have sex with each other...
I had a college roommate (male) my freshman year who thought that was how it worked.
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it's only wet if you use lube bruh edit: no wait she's talking like that because she has diarrhoea
Oops! The level of writing is low enough, but he is very confused as well.
this guy's mom probably told him that babies come from butt holes.... imagine the confusion he's gonna have when he does it for the first time lmao
This made me laugh out loud! Ah, the miles of derision... good belly laugh.
Um back to biology lessons and sex education or.. is possibly this a male version for men not women at all?
Unsurprisingly, The Book's Terrible Writing From A "Proclaimed" Writer Does Not End Here (The Wedding Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides)
Boobs are testicles. They don't "withdraw" because there is muscle and a rib cage underneath and they are just mounds of fat and milk producing tissue. I feel like so many people here did not pay attention in health class. How can they be so clueless about the female body?
Male Authors Writing Women Are Actually Just Horror Stories And Here's Why
Ah Yes, Exactly How I'd Describe Myself (The Diamond Age, Neal Stephenson)
Woman: "I'm SO HOT omg." Dude: "Just like my dead wife." What?!
She's Eleven And Scared But Let's Talk About Her Nipples
Be Horrified With The Rest Of Us
Men like Conde should not be surprised that sexy women love other women, and he really should try to help that male chauvinism.
Plz Put This On My Tombstone #submission (The Dogs, Scott Smith)
Barbie doesn't have a vagina. Would anyone describe a man as " Bob- sweet, green eyed bob, with his short red hair, his musky skin and his Ken doll penis"?
*me To My Friend* Excuse Me, May I Please Borrow Your Eyeballs?
She Was Flesh And Blood, Not The 2D Woman He Was Used To Objectifying On Television, And For That She Was All The More Special (A Time On Earth, Vihelm Moberg)
Literally No Woman Would Ever Do This (Misterioso, Arne Dahl)
Well she might if she wants him to go away. And since it appears he is creeping on her in her sleep that might be her goal. The bigger problem appears to be that he feels like he as a right to sex
Only Sluts Have Hairy Legs (The Things They Carried, Tim O'brien)
dry sounds like she just needs to use more lotion. dry skin is horribly itchy
Wish I Had Pillowy Breasts! Taken From Ben Fountain’s Brief Encounters With Che Guevara
I'm more concerned by the fact he seems to routinely check out boys' butts and uses that as the benchmark of sexy.
The Rest Reads “Dad Is Looking Like He Made A Better Decision Every Year”. What?!?
This Is A Totally Anatomically Normal Thing For Breasts To Do #submission (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, Philip Dick)
#menwritingwomen No Wonder Some Of Them Think Our Breasts Stop Us From Doing Stuff If They Think We’re As Obsessed As They Are. We Can’t Get Away From Them. Oh Must Do This Important Thing But Wait!
Well this seems to reinforce every ugly stereotype of men being sex crazed horndogs
'the Shining', By Stephen King. Its Always Breasts
Note: this post originally had 78 images. It’s been shortened to the top 29 images based on user votes.
I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(
I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?
send them to the military. they can become surface to air missles
I had no idea that my breasts were such underachievers until I read these excerpts. They really need to step up their game.
Then they need to get a boob job.
Right? I need to find some boob teacher!
Maybe you just need to borrow eyes from someone beautiful to see them differently?
wait sentience
Andy boi Good response!
Andy boi like
Andy boi follower
Miss Milinky -
I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.
The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.
The characters they describe are boobs attached to women.
Evil Little Thing haha
Just read "The Magicians" Half the book is talking about someone having sex
LOGAN HUNTER -
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But is that really a problem for them? Maybe they like it that way
They anthropomorphize their penises, so apparently they actually believe that breasts and nipples have minds of their own. Now all we need is something in the courts that says if a woman's nipples get hard during her testimony against her rapist, then she is a liar and her books gave her away.
Sheta Kaey +
Sheta Kaey good
Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.
No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!
The self proclaimed author reclined on the bed in a way that seemed to be trying to channel the Lotharios' of old. It wasn't working. His dark, penny-sized nipples were straining against the fabric of his cheap polyester shirt. A wild bramble of chest hair sprouted from around the unstarched collar, reaching desperately for the light - a woodland you could find yourself lost in. I suddenly wished for a machete, pruning shears...a ride on lawn mower. Anything. He smiled at me - wet lipped and eager, "My dear, your breasts look physically repulsed!" "No, that's just my face," I said, backing away slowly.
As the man walked up to me, it was clear that he wasn't going to be much of a writer...after all how could he be, with only 43 disappointing hairs crossing his shiny expanse of a crown? Crestfallen, my breasts took in the rest of him: if he only took off those glasses, i muttered to myself, he would be almost tolerable. After all, the moisture-wicking fabric stretched over his atrophied muscles clearly showed what used to be a functional set of abs. And as my breast eyes feasted further south, searching desperately for a reason, any reason at all, to bed this man, i hit upon it....his Ken-Doll penis was alive, and waiting. I thought, what the hell? He might be a writer after all.
Jessica Bertram haha
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virginia-ema what
Had she only had good breasts, a surgically narrowed waist, and hips unsuited for childbirth, truly, he might have considered her. Alas, she simply had good legs, a high IQ, a great personality... And, it turned out, one hell of a right hook when he told her she should dye her hair red to at least become interesting.
He stood there confused, bless his little blond head. The cold wind made his nipples stand out like the buttons on the microwave he used to warm up his TV dinners. His biceps tried to seduce me, so precisely set into those fabric tubes also called sleeves. I was caught off guard, and almost found him attractive for a second. But then I thought of his Ken doll penis - hard, yes, but also non-existent. Pass, I thought to myself, still smiling.
@Miss Milinky that was BRILLIANT! I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.
He sat across the room trying to subtly flirt with any female who would catch sight of him. He had practiced flexing his nipples so strenuously that they could cut through a Thanksgiving turkey. He looked like the kind of man that would take the greatest care of his testicles lest they resent his neglectfulness and rebel against him. Even though I suspected he couldn't stretch his penis to touch g-spots and retract it to fit in his tight shorts like most men could, I decided to steer clear of him. He was trying too hard. If he really wanted to achieve his goals of wooing the ladies so to speak, he wouldn't keep such a lukewarm, yet icy cold 5 o'clock shadow.
His nipples frowned at me, sperm-stick drooping in displeasure. "But why not, dearest, most extravagant lady? Your breasts are like a birthday cake- huge, filling, and delicious." "Excuse me I think my pad just fell out btw I'm like 36 and ugly so yeah bye"
Lol
Jessica Bertram: LOL! That was exacly the pseudo fancy style some writers described their vision of the women in front of them!! If only they were a bit prettier/younger etc... they might be an acceptable to look at, kind of worthy "woman" (= legs/boobs he'd miss if she died).
He walked up to me and Pulled a tissue out of his penis and dotted my face with it.
yes.
The man flung himself dramatically onto the couch, his thin, sallow lips curved into a pout. He was handsome, no doubt, with a firm, strong chest, thick, muscular buttocks, and a rather average size c**k. Upon seeing the girl enter the room, his c**k hardened instantly as he saw her gorgeous body.
Ljdia, Thank you! 🤣