“I Just Will Not Raise This Baby”: Woman Asks If She’s A Jerk For Kicking Out Her Unemployed Pregnant Teen Daughter
Most people like to think that there’s always a ‘best’ solution to every single problem. However, there are some situations that are so complex, there’s usually no clear answer—only the choice between similarly bad outcomes. When you’re pressed with a huge dilemma, it’s worth it to try and talk to your family and friends about it. But sometimes, you feel so emotionally close to the situation that you need to take a step back and let the internet figure it out.
That’s exactly what one redditor did. The woman asked the AITA community for advice about an intense situation that was happening in her home at the time. Her daughter, who was 17 years old back then, was pregnant. However, the OP, who had recently retired, didn’t want to essentially be the baby’s mother while her daughter went off to work. The author had already raised her kids and wasn’t planning on spending her retirement years doing the same thing all over again.
So she told her daughter that she has until she gives birth to find another place to live. The AITA community reacted in a very unusual way this time around. Scroll down for the full story and the reactions, Pandas. And if you’d like to share your opinion about all of this, make sure to leave a comment at the bottom of the post.
Labor and Delivery Nurse Holly D., from the US, was kind enough to share her thoughts about how to help teens stay calm throughout the entire pregnancy with Bored Panda. She told us that she has personally helped women with teen pregnancy and delivery.
Some situations are so complicated that there are no easy solutions
Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual photo)
A woman shared why she asked her pregnant teen daughter to move out of the house and asked the internet for their take
Image credits: Binyamin Mellish (not the actual photo)
Image credits: notinmyhouse123
“One thing I notice with teen pregnancy is most don’t know what to ask so I’ve learned to map out their experience. Basically, give them an idea of what is to come next in a series of steps, Labor and Delivery Nurse Holly shared with Bored Panda.
Honesty and staying grounded are key. “I’m honest and realistic with what could happen,” the healthcare professional said.
“It’s important as a Labor and Delivery Nurse we understand the developmental stage of the patient and educate medically within that developmental age group,” she explained.
“They may need things to go slower, so as a nurse procedures such as IV PLACEMENT or fetal monitoring placement may need to be walked through or taken slower if safety is not an issue.”
L&D Nurse Holly told Bored Panda that pregnant teens should know that when the time comes to give birth, their team of nurses and doctors will be there for you.
“We are trained to walk you through the whole labor and delivery experience, with intentions of making it ‘not so scary.’ Any questions you might have, ask. Nurses are there to support you, as well as keep you and the baby safe. We are there to advocate your wants and needs.”
The OP explained how her teenage daughter wasn’t in a relationship with the father, and how “practically every adult in her life” told her that she shouldn’t continue with the pregnancy. However, the teenager decided that she was keeping the baby.
However, that led to a whole plethora of other issues that needed to be solved. Where would the teen mom live? What would she do to get by? Well, she decided that she’d get a job after giving birth. But that meant that somebody would have to stay at home and take care of the baby. And the OP wasn’t going to do that: “Absolutely not, I’m not raising another baby.”
According to the author of the viral AITA post, after the conversation with her daughter, she came to believe that “if she has this baby in this house, I’m practically going to be its mother.” However, she was still having some doubts about asking the mom-to-be to move out, so she turned to the internet for advice.
Somewhat surprisingly, the AITA community’s verdict was, overwhelmingly, that there were no jerks here (aka NAH) in this story.
Raising a child can seem like a daunting task to some parents-to-be. So it’s important to remember what to focus on. Recently, Bored Panda spoke about parenting with single mom and talented creative Ariane Sherine, who’s raising an 11-year-old daughter. She said that, in her opinion, parenting is very hard work, but that it’s “so worth it.”
“She’s adorable, kind, fun, hilarious, smart, talented and thoughtful and she teaches me new things every day. It wasn’t easy leaving her dad and becoming a single mum when she was 17 months old, but it was necessary for my happiness and for my daughter’s stability, and my love for her got us through it. Being a mum has improved my life immeasurably and taught me to put another person first and think of their needs before my own,” she opened up to us.
“She was a difficult toddler who would have giant meltdowns in the supermarket. She was also very active and wanted to walk everywhere (and swing on bars and somersault on railings!) which for a sedentary parent was exhausting. She was incredibly curious, and walking anywhere would take forever as she had to examine every leaf and flower by the roadside and collect all the pebbles and sticks (and if I didn’t let her, she would scream and scream!). But that phase came and went and now I have a wonderful eleven-year-old who is my whole world,” Ariane told us.
According to the mom, what’s essential to being a good parent is actually wanting to have the child. “If you don’t love the thought of being a mum or dad, you’re likely to resent having to put your children first. Secondly, that love for them is what powers you through the difficult times—and there will be difficult times. So do it because you know your life wouldn’t be complete if you don’t,” she said.
“Plenty of people are very happy and fulfilled without being parents. It just so happens that I wouldn’t have been one of them, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a perfectly valid life choice,” the mom noted that whether or not to be a parent is a very subjective decision.
“Your kid will probably grow out of whatever behavior they’re displaying now. The first four years are the most difficult. But at age 4, they go to school, and then you get your life back a bit, for at least six hours a day. See if you can get some help each week, whether that’s grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn’t be able to do while looking after your child.”
The OP shared a bit more context in the comments
Here’s how many internet users reacted to the tough family dilemma
This is 100% my story. I WAS the pregnant 17 yo. And my mother DID kick me out. She helped me a bit but I was basically on my own. I’ve gone through years of difficult feelings about this situation. How I felt abandoned, poor me, ect. Now that I’m 41, and going to be a grandmother myself, I fully respect my mothers decision. I personally didn’t want an abortion, I loved that baby and wanted to raise her. There were very difficult times. The father wasn’t in my picture either. But I made things work. I grew up. I had 2 jobs and an apartment and finished high school. I learned how to adult- way before other people my age and honestly it’s made me better with common sense. I’m able to do hard things because I have “teen mom” under my belt. Was I sad I wasn’t out partying like my friends- absolutely! But now I’m a grandma at 41, I have 6 children total, I went back to school and got my LPN degree- I have my dream life and I can thank my own mother for putting her foot down 24 years ago!
How close are you to your mother and how close is your child to your mother?
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How much experience does the lass have of looking after children? I wonder if her perspective might be a little different if she was to look after someone else's baby for 48 hours - just to see how much work is involved.
Oooooh. Laura, I like how you think! Yes, have the 17 y/o play mommy to someone else's baby for a long weekend.
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NTA...She wants to do adult activities that leads to adult responsibilities then she needs to suffer the adult consequences. It may sound horrible but her parents get a choice too...and based on how that daughter automatically thought her parents would help her with her mistake it is completely reasonable for her parents to believe this baby will be dropped on them. If they don't want to deal with it and have a chance to finally enjoy their hard earned retirement years then this is the choice they found most appropriate for them. Being a parent mean you have to raise your kids...not your kids kids
Apparently this teenager lives in a state where she still has a choice about the pregnancy. NTA, 7 weeks pregnant -still high risk of miscarriage - no dad in sight...the daughter seems but make enough yet, even selfish. What can she offer her baby?
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I think child support should be demanded from birth father, and grandma needs to stay committed to her own needs. This girl sounds unbearably selfish….unfortunately it does not bode well for a baby. Where’s the support from all those right to lifers?
Soon-to-be mom said she wants to raise the kid herself. There are plenty of people wanting to adopt.
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I couldn't throw my pregnant daughter out. I just couldn't do it. We need our family and we should help take care of each other. I get the daughter isn't working but eventually she will, she'll have no choice with a child on the way. I just can't see myself throwing my child and unborn grandbaby out in a time of need like that. I do understand why someone would choose to kick their daughter out and I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying I just couldn't do it myself, regardless of having a job or not. People can be helpful/useful in other ways than just making money. I'd figure out a way to get through this situation somehow without pushing her out.
I think statements like "we need our family" are potentially very dangerous. Although it doesn't sound like it in this case there are instances where families are toxic and abusive. You definitely don't need family like that.
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NTA - I will not be raising my kid's children. I've worked my a*s off, put them 1st for years and created a safe and happy home for them to grow up and become adults in. When they are no longer a financial responsibility, I will be focusing on the next chapter of my life with my wife. I plan to be a supportive and present grandparent should my kids have kids, but it will be part time. This is not your responsibility and you shouldn't feel like guilty. You put in your time and are retired. You deserve the perks that come with it.
Can someone explain why someone dug up an over 3 year old post (check all the comment points/time tags) to put up on here as an article?
Where does it show its three years please I can't See? It might also explain why I'm seeing listings posted ages ago for the first time today
Load More Replies... Everyone has the right to do what they want and not be forced into doing what they want. But also this will be their grandchild. Do they want their grandchild raised in poverty? Do they want to be part of their grandchild's life? Other people ALSO have the right to make decisions even, perhaps especially, when it's a bad decision. They can be supportive and be part of their grandchild's life and ensure it is good OR put her out when she's pregnant and immature. Do they love her or the life they're going to have without her more? It's a harsh choice to be making. I understand completely why they're annoyed at her, she's immature and not thinking clearly but this is about someone else now - their grandchild..
I don't think she wants to be excluded from her grandchilds live, she already said she is going to help her daughter and I'm pretty sure she would not allow her daughter to descent into poverty - she simply doesn't want to raise another child at retirement age full time. Which is what her daughter is implying (I go off to work, you are raising my child).
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I had a very emotionally abusive childhood. From the moment I hit puberty, my mother warned me that, if I got pregnant, my parents would *help* me raise the baby, but they absolutely, categorically, *would not* raise the baby themselves. Not only did I know she meant it, but they were so emotionally abusive/neglectful to me, I dreaded the thought of them doing that to any child I might have, so it was a pretty good deterrent against teen pregnancy. I actually ended up having a total hysterectomy just before I turned 32, without ever having children.
Funny how not having a great experience with your own mother puts a bad taste in your mouth about becoming one. I can relate.
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NTA. It's up to her and her baby daddy to figure it out. Even if he really doesn't want a baby, he is going to have to pay child support for 2 decades all because she gets all the say and he has none at all. Mom is correct to tell daughter she will not raise that baby. It's pretty clear that no one other than the daughter wants it. She has to choices that can solve this. Abortion or adoption but she has chosen to raise the child and knows there will be no help. I don't blame the mom at all. She has the right to tell her daughter she is on her own and not enable stupid decisions. Her daughter is going to ruin two lives. Her's and her unborn child because she will be living on public assistance and minimum wage jobs.
I absolutely agree the father should have to pay child support. It takes two to tango. Both should've taken precautions.
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In my country, even 30 years old pregnants still with their parents LOL
I don’t really think you’re in the wrong here. It’s wrong for your child to dump their kid on you. But you better not just tell her to leave and end it there. If she really does want a child then she’s going to need help and support in multiple different areas. She can’t toss all the responsibilities on you but you also can’t leave her to deal with this all by herself.
Read the post. The mother said she will not raise the child, not that she was abandoning her. She clearly said she would help her.
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I think I'd let her stay for the first few months and every time the baby needs something, tell her to come do it and show her how as it doesn't sound much like she holds the necessary knowledge possibly.
We had a similar situation happen in our family, except my sister was 19 and my parents didn't 'kick her out'. My mom had literally just retired when they found out sis was preg. Our dad still works. Sis ended up not taking care of the baby AND not having a job. They're all miserable. A big factor was that the baby ended up being born with medical issues, which my parents were afraid my sister wouldn't be able to handle very well. And honestly at this point I agree with them. At first, I thought they were wrong to enable her, but she's basically proven she's worthless at raising her own kid. I've lost a bit of respect for her over it. It's a sad situation all around.
If she is adamant about keeping the baby, then that's her CHOICE; but choices come with consequences. She's been made aware of the consequence of keeping the baby; she will have to be the one to raise it, house it and provide for it. Unfortunately they can't force the father to be part of the child's life; but you can make sure he pays support. This should be taken care of ASAP. She won't generally be able to get assistance from the county/state unless the father is paying (or is supposed to be paying) support.
You're absolutely not the A. But you don't want to ruin your entire relationship with her. I suggest an honest sit down to talk in front of a computer. Make it completely non-judgmental. Get a pizza. Tell her you love her and want to work on helping make this less scary for her. The first step is getting a job. So lets work on a resume. Lets look at some ads for entry level call centers (she can sit down, they usually have basic hours and it will be easier to work day care around) and figure out how she'll get there every day. THESE are the things she needs from mom and dad. Guidance. Then talk to her about how to file for child support, Wic/EBT. She needs to do that immediately cause it can take time. Once she sees the amount of work and money it's going to take and it's not just a knee-jerk fight against you telling her what to do, she'll either surprise you and become responsible, or she'll come to the conclusion on her own that this isn't a good idea, except now she won't hate you.
This story hits close to home in so many ways. I found out I was having a son 18 years ago and I was still one myself in so many ways. I didn't want him and pushed hard for her to terminate the pregnancy as did her family but she refused. I joined the army and did my duty paid support....he is now 19 and lives with me. I count him as one of true best friends in this world and I realize now him not being here would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I look at him and he is me. Time will take care of it. It will be a long pain in the a*s process but ultimately rewarding.NTA BOUNDARIES are needed my sister's used my mother to babysit all the time and still try to. You earned the retirement so enjoy that s**t, she will learn to care for her child.
Tell her to get a job in a daycare; that will surely open her eyes to the reality of having a baby.
It's totally OK to not want to raise a grandchild. What I don't get is how so many "adults" here only see a catastrophe. She won't be the first young mother raising a child on her own. She will figure things out as every first time parent no matter the age. All this - "she will have to take the consequences of her immature decisions"-bs. Yes it will be hard but raising a child is always hard. Life ist hard. That's ok. People can do hard things. No need to make them feel bad about it.
I agree 100 %mom is NTA, and also think getting this young mother the support she needs should be a priority. I also think it is time for there to be an Oral Birth Control or Shot for Men NOW!
I dunno. She's basically letting a very immature child raise a child on her own, with no assistance. Kicking her out right after giving birth, when even the best-adjusted adult is most vulnerable and helpless, is not the sign of a good person. I mean, I was 39 when I had my baby, and I spent a week bedridden recovering from childbirth. Who's going to feed this teenager while she's recovering? Bring her water? And also, lack of support means a very high risk of PPD and postpartum psychosis. Is this something that Grandma is ready for?
Why are so many people not reading the post? OP was saying that she is going to help with job hunting, flat hunting, finding other financial help and at no point OP suggested that she and her husband are not going to help their daughter in the slightest raising her child? She literally said she doesn't want to be the main carer at retirement age, why is it so hard to understand that? And that is exactly what her daughter implied.
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Yta, you are so much ta. Should not have had kids and its disgusting that you think you're husband need to conform to your ways, when you should be like him. In my family kids are kids and we all love and raise them, people like these and those saying nta are disgusting and are the problem.
I DID raise the illegitimate, fatherless baby, and it was wonderful and I don't regret a moment of it. We are not all the same. The maternal urge is strong in this grandma.
The OP is definitely NTA, the 17 year old is. She is the one who wants this kid, so it is her responsibility, not her mothers. The mother clearly stated she would not be raising the baby, which it sounds to me like the 17 year old thought. Too many teens think they can just shrug off their responsibilities, I've seen it. And it's not always the parents fault, some kids can have great parents and still be assholes as adults. OP also stated she would help out as she could.
You're free to kick your kid out once they turn 18, but don't expect them to want a relationship with you. Doesn't matter who is right or wrong
Interesting conversation in these times where our right to even make this decision is being taken away from us and made illegal. . . In a sense, I agree NTA HOWEVER, is she being punished for getting pregnant as a teen? Because if she was say, 27, married and pregnant, but neither her or the father could afford child care despite working, I have to imagine the grandparents would be a lot more willing to step in and help out. Most of the families I know with new babies can't keep the grandparents away. Making her move out is good, setting boundaries is also good. My gut tells me her mom will end up being with the baby a lot anyway, ha ha.
Well yes same NTA stands. Myself and my partner are in early 30s. His brother and wife nearly 40s. We do not have family who can watch the child. All our parents who are alive are still 15 years from retirement, they have full time jobs and own responsibilities. We can't afford childcare, so we don't have children. If I would get pregnant my mum promised to help out, but that means I'm working night shifts because she works 6-18 Mon to Fri. Because she travels for work. I cannot expect my mum to take on a child. Now I could ask my partner to care for the child at night times when I'm working. Childcare is 1000+ a month. I can't hire a baby sitter because I realistically wouldn't be able to pay them a living wage and I need to ensure that sitter also gets paid full time wage. Adults make decisions according to their budget. NTA! Also grandparents have health issues, heart, arthritis, how will they handle newborn, toddler in this case??
Load More Replies... I see the reasoning behind all this . . . but . . . consider that there was no foundation layed for this daughter by the mother. Did she have the baby talk with her daughter? Did she let her know she had options? Did she have to learn about sex in a back seat or from bad tales from friends? Sounds like there was no preparation for sex/pregnancy and now mom is being mean about it. There is no easy solution but I can see where the problem began . . .
As a good parent you have to teach her to grow up. But also be supportive. I mean ... kicking out a new mom is kind of harsh, there should be a transitional period either before or after. Also, help her financially. She's just a kid and can't grow up overnight. These things take time to figure out and not having to fear becoming homeless will be a great help.
This is so sad, having raised my grandson after a similar situation i understand both sides. Having an abortion or considering adoption is a personal choice and irrespective of circumstances I couldn't do either. I don't think that throwing the daughter out as soon as she has given birth is the best plan. She is young and the needs of the child should come first. Giving her and the child a safe home should be paramount. Letting the daughter get up for night feeds and doing all of the extra jobs for the baby is essential so that once she has her own place she will be capable of caring for her child. There is choice on both sides, the daughter could carry on living in the family home with the parents stepping back and not taking over care while she works. Maybe offering to provide care once a week if there's nothing else going on like holidays. If she's thrown out then the chances are this would involve sleepless nights worrying over them both.
1st: Lets get real! Teens have sex! What is all this nonsense you all have to say about this as it would be a bad thing? You know what a bad thing is? That she didn’t know how to properly protect herself while doing it. Not hard to guess why she didn’t know that since the parents refuse this reality. 2nd: you don’t get to quit parenting when your kid turns 18 or when they do something shitty that could ruin their life. That’s not how it f*****g works! Being a parent does not start at birth and end at 18. And being her parent was YOUR choice! She should be an adult about this, but what about you? No, you don’t have to raise her kid. Yes, you absolutely have a right to enjoy your retirement! Are you being an a*** about the situation? Absolutely! The reality is: you are kicking your daughter out of a safe home before going through the hardest time of her life, she’s alone and abandoned. It is so sad to me that you don’t love her enough to see this.
Probably not a popular opinion, but totally the AH! Who kicks out their kid like this ? I truly cannot stand these parents that are like " oh, my job is done at 18". My " baby" is 22 and quite accomplished for his age but idc if he's 92, if I'm still around and he needs me, I'm there . This girl being the youngest, what experience with younger children, let alone newborns does she have? Hospitals typically shove new mothers out the door within 48 hours . How is this girl supposed to be able to handle all a newborn requires, plus try to keep herself fed and clean? Absolutely insane . Shame on her " mother " .
She is choosing to have that baby. She chose not to abort and not to give the baby for adoption. And yet she wants her parents to do most of the work? No, sorry. She can either raise the kid or not have a baby.
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You need to learn to read. She is still going to support her daughter. What she isn't willing to do is raise another child.
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Op says she will help daughter out, just not raise child. She is not abandoning the girl, and she deserves a quiet retirement.
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She knew enough to have sex! There is such a thing as the internet, she can find all the help she needs! She is not a helpless baby!
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How did you read the article and came to the conclusion if she stayed that the childcare would be "every now and then"?? I swear half of you didn't even read the article.
Load More Replies... Whoa. You can give all the best care and education to your child. Each is individual and can make either good or bad choices. It's ignorant to blame the parents. Parents can be great and have a terribly irresponsible child, just like terrible parents can have a child that grows to be mature and make good decisions. Parents are NOT always to blame.
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That is a lot of vitriol and judgement with no useful opinions. Do you need a hug?
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Nobody is putting pressure on the daughter except the daughter. She is choosing to have a child and putting pressure on her folks to raise that child for her.
Load More Replies... This is 100% my story. I WAS the pregnant 17 yo. And my mother DID kick me out. She helped me a bit but I was basically on my own. I’ve gone through years of difficult feelings about this situation. How I felt abandoned, poor me, ect. Now that I’m 41, and going to be a grandmother myself, I fully respect my mothers decision. I personally didn’t want an abortion, I loved that baby and wanted to raise her. There were very difficult times. The father wasn’t in my picture either. But I made things work. I grew up. I had 2 jobs and an apartment and finished high school. I learned how to adult- way before other people my age and honestly it’s made me better with common sense. I’m able to do hard things because I have “teen mom” under my belt. Was I sad I wasn’t out partying like my friends- absolutely! But now I’m a grandma at 41, I have 6 children total, I went back to school and got my LPN degree- I have my dream life and I can thank my own mother for putting her foot down 24 years ago!
How close are you to your mother and how close is your child to your mother?
Load More Replies... How much experience does the lass have of looking after children? I wonder if her perspective might be a little different if she was to look after someone else's baby for 48 hours - just to see how much work is involved.
Oooooh. Laura, I like how you think! Yes, have the 17 y/o play mommy to someone else's baby for a long weekend.
Load More Replies... NTA...She wants to do adult activities that leads to adult responsibilities then she needs to suffer the adult consequences. It may sound horrible but her parents get a choice too...and based on how that daughter automatically thought her parents would help her with her mistake it is completely reasonable for her parents to believe this baby will be dropped on them. If they don't want to deal with it and have a chance to finally enjoy their hard earned retirement years then this is the choice they found most appropriate for them. Being a parent mean you have to raise your kids...not your kids kids
Apparently this teenager lives in a state where she still has a choice about the pregnancy. NTA, 7 weeks pregnant -still high risk of miscarriage - no dad in sight...the daughter seems but make enough yet, even selfish. What can she offer her baby?
Load More Replies... I think child support should be demanded from birth father, and grandma needs to stay committed to her own needs. This girl sounds unbearably selfish….unfortunately it does not bode well for a baby. Where’s the support from all those right to lifers?
Soon-to-be mom said she wants to raise the kid herself. There are plenty of people wanting to adopt.
Load More Replies... I couldn't throw my pregnant daughter out. I just couldn't do it. We need our family and we should help take care of each other. I get the daughter isn't working but eventually she will, she'll have no choice with a child on the way. I just can't see myself throwing my child and unborn grandbaby out in a time of need like that. I do understand why someone would choose to kick their daughter out and I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying I just couldn't do it myself, regardless of having a job or not. People can be helpful/useful in other ways than just making money. I'd figure out a way to get through this situation somehow without pushing her out.
I think statements like "we need our family" are potentially very dangerous. Although it doesn't sound like it in this case there are instances where families are toxic and abusive. You definitely don't need family like that.
Load More Replies... NTA - I will not be raising my kid's children. I've worked my a*s off, put them 1st for years and created a safe and happy home for them to grow up and become adults in. When they are no longer a financial responsibility, I will be focusing on the next chapter of my life with my wife. I plan to be a supportive and present grandparent should my kids have kids, but it will be part time. This is not your responsibility and you shouldn't feel like guilty. You put in your time and are retired. You deserve the perks that come with it.
Can someone explain why someone dug up an over 3 year old post (check all the comment points/time tags) to put up on here as an article?
Where does it show its three years please I can't See? It might also explain why I'm seeing listings posted ages ago for the first time today
Load More Replies... Everyone has the right to do what they want and not be forced into doing what they want. But also this will be their grandchild. Do they want their grandchild raised in poverty? Do they want to be part of their grandchild's life? Other people ALSO have the right to make decisions even, perhaps especially, when it's a bad decision. They can be supportive and be part of their grandchild's life and ensure it is good OR put her out when she's pregnant and immature. Do they love her or the life they're going to have without her more? It's a harsh choice to be making. I understand completely why they're annoyed at her, she's immature and not thinking clearly but this is about someone else now - their grandchild..
I don't think she wants to be excluded from her grandchilds live, she already said she is going to help her daughter and I'm pretty sure she would not allow her daughter to descent into poverty - she simply doesn't want to raise another child at retirement age full time. Which is what her daughter is implying (I go off to work, you are raising my child).
Load More Replies... I had a very emotionally abusive childhood. From the moment I hit puberty, my mother warned me that, if I got pregnant, my parents would *help* me raise the baby, but they absolutely, categorically, *would not* raise the baby themselves. Not only did I know she meant it, but they were so emotionally abusive/neglectful to me, I dreaded the thought of them doing that to any child I might have, so it was a pretty good deterrent against teen pregnancy. I actually ended up having a total hysterectomy just before I turned 32, without ever having children.
Funny how not having a great experience with your own mother puts a bad taste in your mouth about becoming one. I can relate.
Load More Replies... NTA. It's up to her and her baby daddy to figure it out. Even if he really doesn't want a baby, he is going to have to pay child support for 2 decades all because she gets all the say and he has none at all. Mom is correct to tell daughter she will not raise that baby. It's pretty clear that no one other than the daughter wants it. She has to choices that can solve this. Abortion or adoption but she has chosen to raise the child and knows there will be no help. I don't blame the mom at all. She has the right to tell her daughter she is on her own and not enable stupid decisions. Her daughter is going to ruin two lives. Her's and her unborn child because she will be living on public assistance and minimum wage jobs.
I absolutely agree the father should have to pay child support. It takes two to tango. Both should've taken precautions.
Load More Replies... In my country, even 30 years old pregnants still with their parents LOL
I don’t really think you’re in the wrong here. It’s wrong for your child to dump their kid on you. But you better not just tell her to leave and end it there. If she really does want a child then she’s going to need help and support in multiple different areas. She can’t toss all the responsibilities on you but you also can’t leave her to deal with this all by herself.
Read the post. The mother said she will not raise the child, not that she was abandoning her. She clearly said she would help her.
Load More Replies... I think I'd let her stay for the first few months and every time the baby needs something, tell her to come do it and show her how as it doesn't sound much like she holds the necessary knowledge possibly.
We had a similar situation happen in our family, except my sister was 19 and my parents didn't 'kick her out'. My mom had literally just retired when they found out sis was preg. Our dad still works. Sis ended up not taking care of the baby AND not having a job. They're all miserable. A big factor was that the baby ended up being born with medical issues, which my parents were afraid my sister wouldn't be able to handle very well. And honestly at this point I agree with them. At first, I thought they were wrong to enable her, but she's basically proven she's worthless at raising her own kid. I've lost a bit of respect for her over it. It's a sad situation all around.
If she is adamant about keeping the baby, then that's her CHOICE; but choices come with consequences. She's been made aware of the consequence of keeping the baby; she will have to be the one to raise it, house it and provide for it. Unfortunately they can't force the father to be part of the child's life; but you can make sure he pays support. This should be taken care of ASAP. She won't generally be able to get assistance from the county/state unless the father is paying (or is supposed to be paying) support.
You're absolutely not the A. But you don't want to ruin your entire relationship with her. I suggest an honest sit down to talk in front of a computer. Make it completely non-judgmental. Get a pizza. Tell her you love her and want to work on helping make this less scary for her. The first step is getting a job. So lets work on a resume. Lets look at some ads for entry level call centers (she can sit down, they usually have basic hours and it will be easier to work day care around) and figure out how she'll get there every day. THESE are the things she needs from mom and dad. Guidance. Then talk to her about how to file for child support, Wic/EBT. She needs to do that immediately cause it can take time. Once she sees the amount of work and money it's going to take and it's not just a knee-jerk fight against you telling her what to do, she'll either surprise you and become responsible, or she'll come to the conclusion on her own that this isn't a good idea, except now she won't hate you.
This story hits close to home in so many ways. I found out I was having a son 18 years ago and I was still one myself in so many ways. I didn't want him and pushed hard for her to terminate the pregnancy as did her family but she refused. I joined the army and did my duty paid support....he is now 19 and lives with me. I count him as one of true best friends in this world and I realize now him not being here would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I look at him and he is me. Time will take care of it. It will be a long pain in the a*s process but ultimately rewarding.NTA BOUNDARIES are needed my sister's used my mother to babysit all the time and still try to. You earned the retirement so enjoy that s**t, she will learn to care for her child.
Tell her to get a job in a daycare; that will surely open her eyes to the reality of having a baby.
It's totally OK to not want to raise a grandchild. What I don't get is how so many "adults" here only see a catastrophe. She won't be the first young mother raising a child on her own. She will figure things out as every first time parent no matter the age. All this - "she will have to take the consequences of her immature decisions"-bs. Yes it will be hard but raising a child is always hard. Life ist hard. That's ok. People can do hard things. No need to make them feel bad about it.
I agree 100 %mom is NTA, and also think getting this young mother the support she needs should be a priority. I also think it is time for there to be an Oral Birth Control or Shot for Men NOW!
I dunno. She's basically letting a very immature child raise a child on her own, with no assistance. Kicking her out right after giving birth, when even the best-adjusted adult is most vulnerable and helpless, is not the sign of a good person. I mean, I was 39 when I had my baby, and I spent a week bedridden recovering from childbirth. Who's going to feed this teenager while she's recovering? Bring her water? And also, lack of support means a very high risk of PPD and postpartum psychosis. Is this something that Grandma is ready for?
Why are so many people not reading the post? OP was saying that she is going to help with job hunting, flat hunting, finding other financial help and at no point OP suggested that she and her husband are not going to help their daughter in the slightest raising her child? She literally said she doesn't want to be the main carer at retirement age, why is it so hard to understand that? And that is exactly what her daughter implied.
Load More Replies... Yta, you are so much ta. Should not have had kids and its disgusting that you think you're husband need to conform to your ways, when you should be like him. In my family kids are kids and we all love and raise them, people like these and those saying nta are disgusting and are the problem.
I DID raise the illegitimate, fatherless baby, and it was wonderful and I don't regret a moment of it. We are not all the same. The maternal urge is strong in this grandma.
The OP is definitely NTA, the 17 year old is. She is the one who wants this kid, so it is her responsibility, not her mothers. The mother clearly stated she would not be raising the baby, which it sounds to me like the 17 year old thought. Too many teens think they can just shrug off their responsibilities, I've seen it. And it's not always the parents fault, some kids can have great parents and still be assholes as adults. OP also stated she would help out as she could.
You're free to kick your kid out once they turn 18, but don't expect them to want a relationship with you. Doesn't matter who is right or wrong
Interesting conversation in these times where our right to even make this decision is being taken away from us and made illegal. . . In a sense, I agree NTA HOWEVER, is she being punished for getting pregnant as a teen? Because if she was say, 27, married and pregnant, but neither her or the father could afford child care despite working, I have to imagine the grandparents would be a lot more willing to step in and help out. Most of the families I know with new babies can't keep the grandparents away. Making her move out is good, setting boundaries is also good. My gut tells me her mom will end up being with the baby a lot anyway, ha ha.
Well yes same NTA stands. Myself and my partner are in early 30s. His brother and wife nearly 40s. We do not have family who can watch the child. All our parents who are alive are still 15 years from retirement, they have full time jobs and own responsibilities. We can't afford childcare, so we don't have children. If I would get pregnant my mum promised to help out, but that means I'm working night shifts because she works 6-18 Mon to Fri. Because she travels for work. I cannot expect my mum to take on a child. Now I could ask my partner to care for the child at night times when I'm working. Childcare is 1000+ a month. I can't hire a baby sitter because I realistically wouldn't be able to pay them a living wage and I need to ensure that sitter also gets paid full time wage. Adults make decisions according to their budget. NTA! Also grandparents have health issues, heart, arthritis, how will they handle newborn, toddler in this case??
Load More Replies... I see the reasoning behind all this . . . but . . . consider that there was no foundation layed for this daughter by the mother. Did she have the baby talk with her daughter? Did she let her know she had options? Did she have to learn about sex in a back seat or from bad tales from friends? Sounds like there was no preparation for sex/pregnancy and now mom is being mean about it. There is no easy solution but I can see where the problem began . . .
As a good parent you have to teach her to grow up. But also be supportive. I mean ... kicking out a new mom is kind of harsh, there should be a transitional period either before or after. Also, help her financially. She's just a kid and can't grow up overnight. These things take time to figure out and not having to fear becoming homeless will be a great help.
This is so sad, having raised my grandson after a similar situation i understand both sides. Having an abortion or considering adoption is a personal choice and irrespective of circumstances I couldn't do either. I don't think that throwing the daughter out as soon as she has given birth is the best plan. She is young and the needs of the child should come first. Giving her and the child a safe home should be paramount. Letting the daughter get up for night feeds and doing all of the extra jobs for the baby is essential so that once she has her own place she will be capable of caring for her child. There is choice on both sides, the daughter could carry on living in the family home with the parents stepping back and not taking over care while she works. Maybe offering to provide care once a week if there's nothing else going on like holidays. If she's thrown out then the chances are this would involve sleepless nights worrying over them both.
1st: Lets get real! Teens have sex! What is all this nonsense you all have to say about this as it would be a bad thing? You know what a bad thing is? That she didn’t know how to properly protect herself while doing it. Not hard to guess why she didn’t know that since the parents refuse this reality. 2nd: you don’t get to quit parenting when your kid turns 18 or when they do something shitty that could ruin their life. That’s not how it f*****g works! Being a parent does not start at birth and end at 18. And being her parent was YOUR choice! She should be an adult about this, but what about you? No, you don’t have to raise her kid. Yes, you absolutely have a right to enjoy your retirement! Are you being an a*** about the situation? Absolutely! The reality is: you are kicking your daughter out of a safe home before going through the hardest time of her life, she’s alone and abandoned. It is so sad to me that you don’t love her enough to see this.
Probably not a popular opinion, but totally the AH! Who kicks out their kid like this ? I truly cannot stand these parents that are like " oh, my job is done at 18". My " baby" is 22 and quite accomplished for his age but idc if he's 92, if I'm still around and he needs me, I'm there . This girl being the youngest, what experience with younger children, let alone newborns does she have? Hospitals typically shove new mothers out the door within 48 hours . How is this girl supposed to be able to handle all a newborn requires, plus try to keep herself fed and clean? Absolutely insane . Shame on her " mother " .
She is choosing to have that baby. She chose not to abort and not to give the baby for adoption. And yet she wants her parents to do most of the work? No, sorry. She can either raise the kid or not have a baby.
Load More Replies... You need to learn to read. She is still going to support her daughter. What she isn't willing to do is raise another child.
Load More Replies... Op says she will help daughter out, just not raise child. She is not abandoning the girl, and she deserves a quiet retirement.
Load More Replies... She knew enough to have sex! There is such a thing as the internet, she can find all the help she needs! She is not a helpless baby!
Load More Replies... How did you read the article and came to the conclusion if she stayed that the childcare would be "every now and then"?? I swear half of you didn't even read the article.
Load More Replies... Whoa. You can give all the best care and education to your child. Each is individual and can make either good or bad choices. It's ignorant to blame the parents. Parents can be great and have a terribly irresponsible child, just like terrible parents can have a child that grows to be mature and make good decisions. Parents are NOT always to blame.
Load More Replies... That is a lot of vitriol and judgement with no useful opinions. Do you need a hug?
Load More Replies... Nobody is putting pressure on the daughter except the daughter. She is choosing to have a child and putting pressure on her folks to raise that child for her.
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