‘Chronically Late’ Woman Has An Important Appointment, Her Friend Who Was Supposed To Get Her There Leaves When She’s Late
More than three hundred years have passed since the great French king Louis XIV uttered his famous phrase “Punctuality is the politeness of kings”, accustoming all his surroundings – and after them, the whole world – to keep time exactly. Prior to that, people were half-hearted about punctuality; they could easily be an hour or even two late.
Now, with the presence of a whole bunch of various electronic gadgets, time planning services and smart watches, it would seem almost impossible to be late somewhere without force majeure. And yet, many people still manage to be late – and do it regularly. Well, that’s just their nature.
For example, this kind of person turned out to be a friend of the author of this post in the AITA Reddit community, which scored 24.2K upvotes and about 5.0K comments in just a few days. However, the Original Poster hopes that the lesson he taught his friend will stop her from being late. Well, let’s see.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster has a friend who is constantly late anywhere
Image credits: দেবর্ষি রায় (not the actual image)
So, the Original Poster is 25 years old, he works at a university, and his friend is the same age and is a PhD student there. Since the friend’s house is on the OP’s way to work, he often gives her a ride to the university.
Image credits: u/Lateforexams115
What has always annoyed the OP about his friend, though, is that she is constantly late. It doesn’t matter if it’s work-related or fun activities – she’s always 15-20 minutes late. As a result, sometimes the OP has had to deal with problems at his own work – especially when he waited 20 minutes for this friend near her house, and as a result, he was late for work himself by the same 20 minutes.
Image credits: u/Lateforexams115
The OP says that his friend is always very apologetic about her lateness but nothing could really change her
The OP admits that his friend is always very apologetic about her lateness, but it always seems to him that nothing will change her. And yet, the man tried to do it anyway by teaching her a little lesson.
Image credits: u/Lateforexams115
The OP deliberately asked his friend not to be late as he had to give her a ride to an important PhD seminar
One day, when the woman was to attend a seminar that was crucial to her scientific career, she had asked him to pick her up in the morning in advance. The man also warned in advance that he would arrive at 8am, and would like her to be ready by this time too. The woman literally swore that she would not be late, and they agreed to meet in the morning.
Image credits: Rydale Clothing (not the actual image )
When the OP arrived at his friend’s house at 7:55, he texted to her that he was already there, and she replied that she would be out in “just a minute”. As the OP admits, of course, this did not happen, and at 8:01, he simply drove off.
Image credits: u/Lateforexams115
The woman was late once more so the OP simply drove off and she called him 20 minutes later asking where he was
At about 8:20, the OP continues, his friend called him and asked where he was. The man honestly admitted that he did not wait for her and left for work. The woman was very upset. She said that her seminar would start at 9am, and began to literally beg the OP to come back for her and still take her to the venue.
Image credits: u/Lateforexams115
The OP admits that he could have, of course, made a quick trip to his friend’s house, picked her up and taken her to the university, without much damage to his work, but he decided that he did not want to do this and simply said that he could not come.
Image credits: u/Lateforexams115
The woman asked the OP to pick her up anyway, but he just listened to her and hung up
Then the woman began to cry and said that otherwise she would not have time to attend this seminar, which was critically important for her, and an absence would be fraught with serious consequences for her. The OP listened to her, said “oh well” and simply hung up. After that, he calmly returned to his work.
Image credits: Brian Evans (not the actual image)
But then, as the OP himself admits, he began to wonder if he was right to do so and, in fact, doing harm to his friend’s career. On the other hand, he believes that such a serious lesson can help her finally learn not to be late.
People in the comments told him that the lesson, though a bit harsh, was rather fair and proper
However, the people in the comments quickly dispelled any doubts the OP had about him being right. After all, as the commenters rightly claim, even after the OP hung up, his friend had roughly 40 minutes to get to the university – and she probably made it herself by calling a taxi.
Of course, the OP could have once again reminded the woman about his time restrictions. For sure he could have been kinder. Of course, he could have texted her that was about to drive off. However, he warned the woman several times in advance, so this lesson, according to most commenters, although it turned out to be very harsh, still looks pretty fair.
We’re almost sure you’ve already made up your mind about this particular story and its participants, so we’re already looking forward to your comments. And if you have ever been in a similar situation as well, then feel free to tell your own tale.
Chronic lateness is a massive peeve of mine. Five or ten minutes on the odd occasion I can forgive (we all run into unexpected things from time to time) but that person who is NEVER on time can do one. It's also the arrogance of it, it's like their time is far more important than yours so you should be happy to stand idly waiting for them.
But a friend is often free. Most taxis, cabs and uber would have left after first few minutes and maybe blacklist her after enough lates.
Load More Replies...I cannot stand people who are late ALL THE TIME. Once in a while, okay, it happens, but all the time? Hell no. I can't even begin to understand people that are chronically late. It's not at all difficult to be on time 99%of the time. Again, once in a great while is fine. That's forgivable. All the time is just grossly inconsiderate.
I have a problem estimating how much time I need to get ready in the morning. It seems like I'm always running behind. However, I know I have a problem with being late so I set all my clocks back 15 minutes so I think it's earlier than it is. Ever since I started doing that I haven't been late for anything. If you recognize you have an issue, do something to fix it (especially when it affects other people). I also have problems with getting up to my alarm so I downloaded an alarm on my phone where I have to do tasks like math or memory problems before the alarm will shut off. There's ways to work around things.
Yep. I used to be chronically late the first few years of living on my own as a young adult. The alarm wasn't my problem, but I realized I consistently underestimated how much time things took. So I went through a process of being mindful of how long things took me, like showering, hair, makeup, breakfast, transport. Once I knew those correct times, I could just add a little padding and know when I had to start to be on time. I think one thing we both likely share, though, is that we care how our lateness affects other people. OPs late person didn't seem to particularly care when she made OP late for work. She only cared when she faced a consequence for her own career.
Load More Replies...Setting aside all the previous occasions which led OP to be (imo understandably) strict on timing... She knew how important that day was to her. If someone knows they struggle to wake up/get moving in a morning but they are either needing to arrive by a certain time or are being given a lift (or like in this case, both), they should prep as much as possible the night before so they literally need to get themselves dressed (packing a breakfast bar if there's no guarantee time to eat), grab the bag and go out the door. Instead, she is 20 minutes late on a clear deadline she's been given, then wastes time asking OP where he is, begging him to come back for her and crying instead of being a grown up and fixing the problem she caused. If he could have gone back, picked her up and returned in time for work, surely she had time to try and get a taxi.
I has a friend like this who I picked up for school a few times. Always 10-15 min late coming out of the door. Every single time. And then we both got wrote up at school for being tardy. 5th time I told her if you’re not out of the door on time I’m leaving, so I did. I called twice before pulling off and she didn’t answer also texted. So I left and as I was pulling into the school she was blowing up my phone pissed off. Her house was completely out of the way too and I lived right by the school.
I had a friend like this in high school back in the 80s (get off my lawn). I had a car so typically drove us around. He was a nice guy, but had zero sense of time. I'd show up at his house to pick him up and would be greeted with, "I just need to take a shower and get ready". Finally started telling him what corner to be at and when. Don't see him, I'll just keep moving. He never changed, but everyone else I was picking up no longer had to wait.
Load More Replies...This would drive me insane. It also reminds me of a "friend" I used to have who would cancel plans at the last minute. Concerts, theater, fairs, you name it. I had to buy tickets day of or risk being out a bunch of money. Speaking of which.... that's a whole other story.
I had a friend exactly like that too. Literally never once showed up on time for anything. And that's not to mention the times when he simply didn't bother showing at all without so much as a call or text.
Load More Replies...Being constantly late is a control tactic. People who do this tend to be narcissists. They make you wait because they CAN, and of you stick around waiting, this is great for their ego. They can force you to waste your time! This is fun for them. I've ditched "friends" twice over the years for doing this to me. Not one regret.
This! Makes so much sense. My mother, the ffing narcissist, is always late. Like, up to an hour and a half. And everyone hates it. She gets pissed if people criticize her for it. She deems tardiness charming. Aaargh
Load More Replies...When I was in high school, my dad drove my sister and I to school every morning. He had to be at work shortly after dropping us off, so he didn't have a lot of time to wait. Twice, we were not ready to go to school when he was ready and he made us walk to school. After those two times, we were always ready to go when he was ready to go. We knew that we had to be ready at a certain time and after refusing to do so, we were taught a lesson. Hopefully, the friend has finally learned her lesson.
Not the AH. My sister is always late. She can be 20 minutes to an hour late to everything. I have resorted to telling her events I plan are an hour earlier than I tell everyone else. It is so disrespectful to be late. Her response to anyone who points out her rude tardiness is, that's how she is, get over it. If I were in your shoes, I would have left as well.
Is your sister miffed when she arrives on time? Just wondering what the mindset of a chronically late person is like when there is no drama around them when they finally show up.
Load More Replies...My husband told me a story about his parents. Sunday mornings, his father would go out to prepare the car for church ten minutes before leaving. If my MIL wasn't there with the children, he would leave. Then he would give them a lecture for missing church! He did that a few times until my MIL realized he was serious. Never again. But yeah, I've known her to be late at least half the time in these current times.
So he just waited next to the car, and poor woman had to control all kids herself, most likely after making them wash themselves, preparing a breakfast for the whole family? If he wasn't so selfish he could take care of his own kids as well and everyone would be in church on time.
Load More Replies...I thought the person questioning OPs motivation for posting it in the subreddit came across as kind of an AH. Why does this subreddit exist at all? People need validation. They get into situations where they wonder if they were in the right and want to bounce the idea off other people. I don't think anyone posts something in the AITA subreddit planning to go back and tell the person the internet thinks they're wrong, they just want reassurance. For that matter if they think it was pointless for OP to ask the question, why even bother reading posts in this subreddit? Just move along.
Sometimes people are in abusive relationships and are being gaslit into thinking everything they do is wrong. In those situations, the AITA subreddit is actually quite valuable in getting people to question their relationships and, in some cases, end them. I've seen instances where (usually women) are at the end of their tether, constantly being told they're overreacting or hysterical to situations that are really not reasonable in the first place, and those women finally see the light when a stream of strangers tell them they're not the ásshole and give them advice to run. And they do.
Load More Replies...Humble pie is often hard to swallow. Let’s hope Late Lucy learned her lesson for food here.
I really feel this post. My BFF was like that until I made it very clear about leaving after waiting 5 minutes (pre cellphone) because I was just plain tired of it. Whine and cheese ensued. I told her she was late all the time. Yes, every time. Reminded her I always meant what I said and followed through. That was evidence that I’m past all the disrespect. Never did it again. The problem arose when I was determined that damn it, she’s sure as hell gonna be on time to her wedding. What did I learn that day? The bride is SUPPOSED to be late. WTH? Supposed to be late because basically the guests can’t be counted on to be early when it’s a hugely important event? Forget that. They can go wait in the car until the bride gets to the altar and then be quietly ushered into the back seats.
Part 2. Fast forward to these days. I am the one who arrives at the last minute or a bit late such that they call me to make sure I’m coming. I realize this about myself and so I start getting ready really early so there’s no way could be late. What happens? The time it takes to get ready expands to or past the time I should be ready to go. I am very depressed and don’t really want to go anywhere. Now that isolation is over I need to be around people. Isolation was the worst thing. But things have changed. I don’t WANT to go and so I think this is my rebellion against myself. My counsellor let’s me off the hook by telling me it’s me trying to establish control and should be kind to myself. BS lady. Control is being in control of my life again to have enough self respect and respect for others to be on time, if not even early like I used to be. I think I’ll set alarms on my phone to teach me time management. No excuses accepted from me.
Load More Replies...Chronically late people never feel like they're doing anything wrong. They're the most entitled people. I had a friend who was always late. Essentially, they believe their time is valuable but don't even consider how valuable your time is. We had a friend who was late for everything. EVERYTHING. We're talking an hour and no Bill Evs, she didn't have ADHD, she was just a jerk. She ALWAYS got pissy if we didn't wait for her and would pout the rest of the life. I finally got sick of the lack of respect and ended the friendship. Chronically late people are rude and disprespectful.
The OP is not the a*****e, but I have a feeling their friend might be one. Instead of calling a taxi like a normal person would do in this situation, she keeps calling her friend crying and reminding them how important this event is for her.
HUGE PET PEEVE OF MINE!! You'd think that someone who's an "adult" will have some idea of how long it takes to be ready. Adjust your schedule accordingly!! Being late is not cute nor funny! It is a complete lack of respect. Time is something you cannot pay back. And if someone is picking you up, as in OPs case, you will probably goof up their schedule for the day...maybe causing them to be late for a meeting/project. How very self-entitled of you!! Nope!! OP is NTA!!! The "friend" is a HUGE AH!!! Laughed his warning off when he arrived...didn't call him til 20 minutes later...she was angry at OP for sticking to the plan. Nothing worse than a self-entitled AH!!
Her seminar was at 9 am that day, did she decide to appear at 9:20 then? Being late every time is disrespectful.
If the friend was questioning it I would have simply asked her why she didn't have the courtesy to let you know she was running late? She makes no effort to take your time seriously even though you're doing her a favor. Let her think you're being mean- she's the AH. She didn't even notice you'd left until 8:20 which means she'd have made you wait 20 minutes after lying to you- twice. You warned her. If it was that important to her she should have been on time. She's taking advantage of your kindness and doesn't seem to ever return the favor. She's a leech so I'm glad you stopped.
If it's 20 past, and she wants you to drive back, pick her up, and drop her off at the college, surely there's time for her to call a taxi or an uber? She got a five minute warning, and said down in one minute. I would have given her a second warning at 8 on the dot. "I will be driving away in 59 seconds." But she had already had multiple warnings. And then she was another 20 minutes before she looked for you...NTA.
I had a friend that was always slightly late. I started going to her 5 minutes earlier to push her to get ready faster. Otherwise we would have to sprint after buses to still get them or miss things entirely. This was worse for me because I have panic of being too late, with actual panic attacks. My extrem fear was worst back then and she knew of it. I literally got panic attacks because she couldn't be ready on time. We often rode trains together there missing the first often meant not being able to do it that day at all. To have an easier start her boyfriend or her parents would drive us. But that meant she was the deciding factor, we never left on time not once, I was hyperventilating and crying and then she would apologize and do it again the next time. I mostly began to just get to the train on my own, if she missed it that wasn't my fault.
It wasn't one minute it was six. And it wasn't 20 minutes, it was 25 minutes. It is disrespectful and a power play. Look I can make you wait haha. MIL did this repeatedly. She demanded we drive three hours to eat lunch at her house. Lunch at 1pm. We get there and it wasn't even in the oven. Guess who she expected to cook it? I tried getting something before bc our son(her only grandchild) was young and needed to keep on his schedule, but hubby would stay to appease his mother instead of keeping to the schedule we had in place 3 hours. We had a three hour trip back as well.
I have a friend who is always late. it affects their job as they get fired regularly for tardiness. I am often a DD for our friend group and I can be late sometimes (not the most punctual person here). when we are going out it doesn't matter too much when we leave, but I like to have an idea of how to plan my evening. But their estimations are so wrong all the time! and without fail, all the people who are going out already at their apartment as well as the driver (me) waiting on my friend to get ready. it got ridiculous one of the last times we went out. we agreed a few days prior that I and another friend will drive all of us (9 people) to a party. I called in the early afternoon of the day of the event and asked what was the plan. They said "we plan to leave at 8". knowing them i asked "your plans are always off. so if I come at 8.30-9, would you be ready?" "of course we will, the plan is 8, so we ll wait for you to free up". I got busy with stuff and came at 9.15 feeling terrible
the latest job my friend got is remote, so I am hoping they manage to be on time there. but I wouldn't be so sure....
Load More Replies...When a person is chronically late all the time, it means they disrespect you, disregard you and as long as you bow to them, they will continue to treat you this way. We teach people how to treat us. I don't tolerate people like this because they look at a way to get from A to B on their timeline. They don't care how it irritates the rest of the world. When I was married, and my ex(now) didn't seem to be able to get up for work without me bugging him all the time. I told I was fed up with him having me to get him up. So, I told him if he doesn't hear his alarm, it's not my problem. After being late a couple times. (He worked 2nd shift) he discovered I was not his alarm clock. He started acting like an adult after that. I made sure when my kids were old enough to go to school that they set their alarms for the time to get up. I was always up before them, but rarely had to wake them.
Definitely NTA! This was my life growing up. My mother was even almost late to my high school graduation, and I think the only reason she was early when I graduated from college is that my grandparents were with her. She can't tell time to this day. This man's friend will continue to do this as long as they remain friends, lesson or no lesson. People like that might change once or twice, but it never lasts.
My sister! (who is a self centered, entitled b*tch to begin with) We, my husband & I, my adult daughter and her 2 daughters, my brother & his wife, often my niece & her BF, and if it was a holiday, her Mom (brother's ex). I got everybody together at least once a month for a family dinner and hosted the Christmas dinner as well. It was always on a Sunday and always at 3:00pm. My sister could never seem to manage the 20 minute drive in order to get there on time. We tried the whole changing time thing, nothing worked. Finally, I just said f*ck it. We're eating at 3:00 whether she's here or not. She showed up at 4:30 and threw a fit that we didn't wait for her (I didn't fix her a plate either & everything was pretty much gone). In as nice a voice as I could muster I let her know that her rudeness and inconsideration would no longer be tolerated. We would eat when planned and if she missed out, tough sh*t. She still showed up late, but the rest of us just didn't care anymore.
As someone who has a VERY difficult time with time management, I set multiple alarms and stay in contact with friends and family for really important events/appointments/etc. I have had to do this my whole adult life, and yes, sometimes I mess up and miss something important. That's on me and I do everything I can to prevent it from happening again, like, "Okay, what steps did I take? What else can I do in the future?" If you have issues with time management, you can work around them. If you aren't willing to do that and just constantly disrespect family/friends with your lateness, you aren't a good person.
I actually blame the OP for the whole debacle. In all honesty, when you have a friend like this, never, ever, ever offer to give them a lift to work on your way to your own job when they are chronically late for everything as a normal way of life. It's who they are, it's how they roll and if you want to keep them as a friend because they have other, good qualities then always say no when they ask for lifts or to pick you up etc. The OP knew this person was going to be late and I think they enjoyed teaching them a lesson. They deserve it but why get yourself involved in their drama?
My mother is chronically late for EVERYTHING! My brother and I as adults tell her 1/2 hr earlier for every event. As my parent I will never cut ties but a friend always doing that and making you late- does she value the friendship the way you do? Cut ties or at least make her take the transit- a bus isn't going to wait
I used to be like that but have worked on it. I'm late sometimes but most of the time it's because other people with me are farting around and suck at time management.
I have one son who gets up at 4:30AM in order to leave the house at 9:00 for a 15 minute drive to start work at 10:00. Another son is more of the "oh, what that today?" type. The one in-between is ready to go on time, but then has to go to the bathroom, or change shoes, or something, every single time. All three drive me nuts in their own way. Time management skills are important, but bad time management is often a reflection of other issues. My guys deal with ADHD, autism, and severe depression. You pick who has which underlying challenges.
I did something similar twice. It was before mobile phones. A colleague would come and have dinner before our nightshift. She was almost half an hour too late. I had dinner. When she arrived there was salad and cold pasta left. And I left the café where I was supposed to meet a friend who was always late. She called: Where are you?" I said: Ask them, I was at the round table." Where were You?
You just tell her the time to aim for is 15 or 20 minutes before it actually is. Does not take a lot of effort. Works for everyone. I don't understand why everyone's butt is in a knot. I mean half the posts on BP are about how people are not going to be forced to follow the rules, how they need to be treated as individuals and will work on their own schedule etc. Oh, I'm sorry, you mean as it long as it doesn't inconvenience you... OK got it now.
Some people never change unless they get a hard slap in the face. She been late for work as well as social events and that didn't change her attitude to time management. OP has suffered consequences for HER ACTIONS while doing this FAVOR for her without her changing, she apologizes and did again and again and again, tell me how many times you can be late to your job before being written up? Tell me when would she realize she has a problem and need to change? Late to social? She kept it up. Late to work? She kept doing it. Causes her friend to get in trouble for her tardiness? She kept it up. When happened is known as consequences for her own actions. She knew it was important. She knew when it was. She knew her friend would be wait at this time exactly. Maybe she would have realized her problem when the committee is waiting to talk about her thesis and she pulls a 20 minutes late stunt expecting them to be there still waiting.
Load More Replies...Chronic lateness is a massive peeve of mine. Five or ten minutes on the odd occasion I can forgive (we all run into unexpected things from time to time) but that person who is NEVER on time can do one. It's also the arrogance of it, it's like their time is far more important than yours so you should be happy to stand idly waiting for them.
But a friend is often free. Most taxis, cabs and uber would have left after first few minutes and maybe blacklist her after enough lates.
Load More Replies...I cannot stand people who are late ALL THE TIME. Once in a while, okay, it happens, but all the time? Hell no. I can't even begin to understand people that are chronically late. It's not at all difficult to be on time 99%of the time. Again, once in a great while is fine. That's forgivable. All the time is just grossly inconsiderate.
I have a problem estimating how much time I need to get ready in the morning. It seems like I'm always running behind. However, I know I have a problem with being late so I set all my clocks back 15 minutes so I think it's earlier than it is. Ever since I started doing that I haven't been late for anything. If you recognize you have an issue, do something to fix it (especially when it affects other people). I also have problems with getting up to my alarm so I downloaded an alarm on my phone where I have to do tasks like math or memory problems before the alarm will shut off. There's ways to work around things.
Yep. I used to be chronically late the first few years of living on my own as a young adult. The alarm wasn't my problem, but I realized I consistently underestimated how much time things took. So I went through a process of being mindful of how long things took me, like showering, hair, makeup, breakfast, transport. Once I knew those correct times, I could just add a little padding and know when I had to start to be on time. I think one thing we both likely share, though, is that we care how our lateness affects other people. OPs late person didn't seem to particularly care when she made OP late for work. She only cared when she faced a consequence for her own career.
Load More Replies...Setting aside all the previous occasions which led OP to be (imo understandably) strict on timing... She knew how important that day was to her. If someone knows they struggle to wake up/get moving in a morning but they are either needing to arrive by a certain time or are being given a lift (or like in this case, both), they should prep as much as possible the night before so they literally need to get themselves dressed (packing a breakfast bar if there's no guarantee time to eat), grab the bag and go out the door. Instead, she is 20 minutes late on a clear deadline she's been given, then wastes time asking OP where he is, begging him to come back for her and crying instead of being a grown up and fixing the problem she caused. If he could have gone back, picked her up and returned in time for work, surely she had time to try and get a taxi.
I has a friend like this who I picked up for school a few times. Always 10-15 min late coming out of the door. Every single time. And then we both got wrote up at school for being tardy. 5th time I told her if you’re not out of the door on time I’m leaving, so I did. I called twice before pulling off and she didn’t answer also texted. So I left and as I was pulling into the school she was blowing up my phone pissed off. Her house was completely out of the way too and I lived right by the school.
I had a friend like this in high school back in the 80s (get off my lawn). I had a car so typically drove us around. He was a nice guy, but had zero sense of time. I'd show up at his house to pick him up and would be greeted with, "I just need to take a shower and get ready". Finally started telling him what corner to be at and when. Don't see him, I'll just keep moving. He never changed, but everyone else I was picking up no longer had to wait.
Load More Replies...This would drive me insane. It also reminds me of a "friend" I used to have who would cancel plans at the last minute. Concerts, theater, fairs, you name it. I had to buy tickets day of or risk being out a bunch of money. Speaking of which.... that's a whole other story.
I had a friend exactly like that too. Literally never once showed up on time for anything. And that's not to mention the times when he simply didn't bother showing at all without so much as a call or text.
Load More Replies...Being constantly late is a control tactic. People who do this tend to be narcissists. They make you wait because they CAN, and of you stick around waiting, this is great for their ego. They can force you to waste your time! This is fun for them. I've ditched "friends" twice over the years for doing this to me. Not one regret.
This! Makes so much sense. My mother, the ffing narcissist, is always late. Like, up to an hour and a half. And everyone hates it. She gets pissed if people criticize her for it. She deems tardiness charming. Aaargh
Load More Replies...When I was in high school, my dad drove my sister and I to school every morning. He had to be at work shortly after dropping us off, so he didn't have a lot of time to wait. Twice, we were not ready to go to school when he was ready and he made us walk to school. After those two times, we were always ready to go when he was ready to go. We knew that we had to be ready at a certain time and after refusing to do so, we were taught a lesson. Hopefully, the friend has finally learned her lesson.
Not the AH. My sister is always late. She can be 20 minutes to an hour late to everything. I have resorted to telling her events I plan are an hour earlier than I tell everyone else. It is so disrespectful to be late. Her response to anyone who points out her rude tardiness is, that's how she is, get over it. If I were in your shoes, I would have left as well.
Is your sister miffed when she arrives on time? Just wondering what the mindset of a chronically late person is like when there is no drama around them when they finally show up.
Load More Replies...My husband told me a story about his parents. Sunday mornings, his father would go out to prepare the car for church ten minutes before leaving. If my MIL wasn't there with the children, he would leave. Then he would give them a lecture for missing church! He did that a few times until my MIL realized he was serious. Never again. But yeah, I've known her to be late at least half the time in these current times.
So he just waited next to the car, and poor woman had to control all kids herself, most likely after making them wash themselves, preparing a breakfast for the whole family? If he wasn't so selfish he could take care of his own kids as well and everyone would be in church on time.
Load More Replies...I thought the person questioning OPs motivation for posting it in the subreddit came across as kind of an AH. Why does this subreddit exist at all? People need validation. They get into situations where they wonder if they were in the right and want to bounce the idea off other people. I don't think anyone posts something in the AITA subreddit planning to go back and tell the person the internet thinks they're wrong, they just want reassurance. For that matter if they think it was pointless for OP to ask the question, why even bother reading posts in this subreddit? Just move along.
Sometimes people are in abusive relationships and are being gaslit into thinking everything they do is wrong. In those situations, the AITA subreddit is actually quite valuable in getting people to question their relationships and, in some cases, end them. I've seen instances where (usually women) are at the end of their tether, constantly being told they're overreacting or hysterical to situations that are really not reasonable in the first place, and those women finally see the light when a stream of strangers tell them they're not the ásshole and give them advice to run. And they do.
Load More Replies...Humble pie is often hard to swallow. Let’s hope Late Lucy learned her lesson for food here.
I really feel this post. My BFF was like that until I made it very clear about leaving after waiting 5 minutes (pre cellphone) because I was just plain tired of it. Whine and cheese ensued. I told her she was late all the time. Yes, every time. Reminded her I always meant what I said and followed through. That was evidence that I’m past all the disrespect. Never did it again. The problem arose when I was determined that damn it, she’s sure as hell gonna be on time to her wedding. What did I learn that day? The bride is SUPPOSED to be late. WTH? Supposed to be late because basically the guests can’t be counted on to be early when it’s a hugely important event? Forget that. They can go wait in the car until the bride gets to the altar and then be quietly ushered into the back seats.
Part 2. Fast forward to these days. I am the one who arrives at the last minute or a bit late such that they call me to make sure I’m coming. I realize this about myself and so I start getting ready really early so there’s no way could be late. What happens? The time it takes to get ready expands to or past the time I should be ready to go. I am very depressed and don’t really want to go anywhere. Now that isolation is over I need to be around people. Isolation was the worst thing. But things have changed. I don’t WANT to go and so I think this is my rebellion against myself. My counsellor let’s me off the hook by telling me it’s me trying to establish control and should be kind to myself. BS lady. Control is being in control of my life again to have enough self respect and respect for others to be on time, if not even early like I used to be. I think I’ll set alarms on my phone to teach me time management. No excuses accepted from me.
Load More Replies...Chronically late people never feel like they're doing anything wrong. They're the most entitled people. I had a friend who was always late. Essentially, they believe their time is valuable but don't even consider how valuable your time is. We had a friend who was late for everything. EVERYTHING. We're talking an hour and no Bill Evs, she didn't have ADHD, she was just a jerk. She ALWAYS got pissy if we didn't wait for her and would pout the rest of the life. I finally got sick of the lack of respect and ended the friendship. Chronically late people are rude and disprespectful.
The OP is not the a*****e, but I have a feeling their friend might be one. Instead of calling a taxi like a normal person would do in this situation, she keeps calling her friend crying and reminding them how important this event is for her.
HUGE PET PEEVE OF MINE!! You'd think that someone who's an "adult" will have some idea of how long it takes to be ready. Adjust your schedule accordingly!! Being late is not cute nor funny! It is a complete lack of respect. Time is something you cannot pay back. And if someone is picking you up, as in OPs case, you will probably goof up their schedule for the day...maybe causing them to be late for a meeting/project. How very self-entitled of you!! Nope!! OP is NTA!!! The "friend" is a HUGE AH!!! Laughed his warning off when he arrived...didn't call him til 20 minutes later...she was angry at OP for sticking to the plan. Nothing worse than a self-entitled AH!!
Her seminar was at 9 am that day, did she decide to appear at 9:20 then? Being late every time is disrespectful.
If the friend was questioning it I would have simply asked her why she didn't have the courtesy to let you know she was running late? She makes no effort to take your time seriously even though you're doing her a favor. Let her think you're being mean- she's the AH. She didn't even notice you'd left until 8:20 which means she'd have made you wait 20 minutes after lying to you- twice. You warned her. If it was that important to her she should have been on time. She's taking advantage of your kindness and doesn't seem to ever return the favor. She's a leech so I'm glad you stopped.
If it's 20 past, and she wants you to drive back, pick her up, and drop her off at the college, surely there's time for her to call a taxi or an uber? She got a five minute warning, and said down in one minute. I would have given her a second warning at 8 on the dot. "I will be driving away in 59 seconds." But she had already had multiple warnings. And then she was another 20 minutes before she looked for you...NTA.
I had a friend that was always slightly late. I started going to her 5 minutes earlier to push her to get ready faster. Otherwise we would have to sprint after buses to still get them or miss things entirely. This was worse for me because I have panic of being too late, with actual panic attacks. My extrem fear was worst back then and she knew of it. I literally got panic attacks because she couldn't be ready on time. We often rode trains together there missing the first often meant not being able to do it that day at all. To have an easier start her boyfriend or her parents would drive us. But that meant she was the deciding factor, we never left on time not once, I was hyperventilating and crying and then she would apologize and do it again the next time. I mostly began to just get to the train on my own, if she missed it that wasn't my fault.
It wasn't one minute it was six. And it wasn't 20 minutes, it was 25 minutes. It is disrespectful and a power play. Look I can make you wait haha. MIL did this repeatedly. She demanded we drive three hours to eat lunch at her house. Lunch at 1pm. We get there and it wasn't even in the oven. Guess who she expected to cook it? I tried getting something before bc our son(her only grandchild) was young and needed to keep on his schedule, but hubby would stay to appease his mother instead of keeping to the schedule we had in place 3 hours. We had a three hour trip back as well.
I have a friend who is always late. it affects their job as they get fired regularly for tardiness. I am often a DD for our friend group and I can be late sometimes (not the most punctual person here). when we are going out it doesn't matter too much when we leave, but I like to have an idea of how to plan my evening. But their estimations are so wrong all the time! and without fail, all the people who are going out already at their apartment as well as the driver (me) waiting on my friend to get ready. it got ridiculous one of the last times we went out. we agreed a few days prior that I and another friend will drive all of us (9 people) to a party. I called in the early afternoon of the day of the event and asked what was the plan. They said "we plan to leave at 8". knowing them i asked "your plans are always off. so if I come at 8.30-9, would you be ready?" "of course we will, the plan is 8, so we ll wait for you to free up". I got busy with stuff and came at 9.15 feeling terrible
the latest job my friend got is remote, so I am hoping they manage to be on time there. but I wouldn't be so sure....
Load More Replies...When a person is chronically late all the time, it means they disrespect you, disregard you and as long as you bow to them, they will continue to treat you this way. We teach people how to treat us. I don't tolerate people like this because they look at a way to get from A to B on their timeline. They don't care how it irritates the rest of the world. When I was married, and my ex(now) didn't seem to be able to get up for work without me bugging him all the time. I told I was fed up with him having me to get him up. So, I told him if he doesn't hear his alarm, it's not my problem. After being late a couple times. (He worked 2nd shift) he discovered I was not his alarm clock. He started acting like an adult after that. I made sure when my kids were old enough to go to school that they set their alarms for the time to get up. I was always up before them, but rarely had to wake them.
Definitely NTA! This was my life growing up. My mother was even almost late to my high school graduation, and I think the only reason she was early when I graduated from college is that my grandparents were with her. She can't tell time to this day. This man's friend will continue to do this as long as they remain friends, lesson or no lesson. People like that might change once or twice, but it never lasts.
My sister! (who is a self centered, entitled b*tch to begin with) We, my husband & I, my adult daughter and her 2 daughters, my brother & his wife, often my niece & her BF, and if it was a holiday, her Mom (brother's ex). I got everybody together at least once a month for a family dinner and hosted the Christmas dinner as well. It was always on a Sunday and always at 3:00pm. My sister could never seem to manage the 20 minute drive in order to get there on time. We tried the whole changing time thing, nothing worked. Finally, I just said f*ck it. We're eating at 3:00 whether she's here or not. She showed up at 4:30 and threw a fit that we didn't wait for her (I didn't fix her a plate either & everything was pretty much gone). In as nice a voice as I could muster I let her know that her rudeness and inconsideration would no longer be tolerated. We would eat when planned and if she missed out, tough sh*t. She still showed up late, but the rest of us just didn't care anymore.
As someone who has a VERY difficult time with time management, I set multiple alarms and stay in contact with friends and family for really important events/appointments/etc. I have had to do this my whole adult life, and yes, sometimes I mess up and miss something important. That's on me and I do everything I can to prevent it from happening again, like, "Okay, what steps did I take? What else can I do in the future?" If you have issues with time management, you can work around them. If you aren't willing to do that and just constantly disrespect family/friends with your lateness, you aren't a good person.
I actually blame the OP for the whole debacle. In all honesty, when you have a friend like this, never, ever, ever offer to give them a lift to work on your way to your own job when they are chronically late for everything as a normal way of life. It's who they are, it's how they roll and if you want to keep them as a friend because they have other, good qualities then always say no when they ask for lifts or to pick you up etc. The OP knew this person was going to be late and I think they enjoyed teaching them a lesson. They deserve it but why get yourself involved in their drama?
My mother is chronically late for EVERYTHING! My brother and I as adults tell her 1/2 hr earlier for every event. As my parent I will never cut ties but a friend always doing that and making you late- does she value the friendship the way you do? Cut ties or at least make her take the transit- a bus isn't going to wait
I used to be like that but have worked on it. I'm late sometimes but most of the time it's because other people with me are farting around and suck at time management.
I have one son who gets up at 4:30AM in order to leave the house at 9:00 for a 15 minute drive to start work at 10:00. Another son is more of the "oh, what that today?" type. The one in-between is ready to go on time, but then has to go to the bathroom, or change shoes, or something, every single time. All three drive me nuts in their own way. Time management skills are important, but bad time management is often a reflection of other issues. My guys deal with ADHD, autism, and severe depression. You pick who has which underlying challenges.
I did something similar twice. It was before mobile phones. A colleague would come and have dinner before our nightshift. She was almost half an hour too late. I had dinner. When she arrived there was salad and cold pasta left. And I left the café where I was supposed to meet a friend who was always late. She called: Where are you?" I said: Ask them, I was at the round table." Where were You?
You just tell her the time to aim for is 15 or 20 minutes before it actually is. Does not take a lot of effort. Works for everyone. I don't understand why everyone's butt is in a knot. I mean half the posts on BP are about how people are not going to be forced to follow the rules, how they need to be treated as individuals and will work on their own schedule etc. Oh, I'm sorry, you mean as it long as it doesn't inconvenience you... OK got it now.
Some people never change unless they get a hard slap in the face. She been late for work as well as social events and that didn't change her attitude to time management. OP has suffered consequences for HER ACTIONS while doing this FAVOR for her without her changing, she apologizes and did again and again and again, tell me how many times you can be late to your job before being written up? Tell me when would she realize she has a problem and need to change? Late to social? She kept it up. Late to work? She kept doing it. Causes her friend to get in trouble for her tardiness? She kept it up. When happened is known as consequences for her own actions. She knew it was important. She knew when it was. She knew her friend would be wait at this time exactly. Maybe she would have realized her problem when the committee is waiting to talk about her thesis and she pulls a 20 minutes late stunt expecting them to be there still waiting.
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