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Dad Blows Up After Finding Out Wife Has Been Lying About Their Daughter Since She Was In 7th Grade
Your kids are going to grow up at some point, whether you like it or not. We’ve heard of some dads struggling with the thought of their baby girls becoming young women. There are those who internalize it and others who go completely nuts in an attempt to keep their daughters under lock and key.
One man went off the rails in a fit of rage when he found out his eldest daughter had started dating – much to the horror of his wife. In a bid to protect their younger daughter, the mom has been keeping a massive secret. She’s even admitted to helping the 16-year-old sneak boys in and out of the house. But things fell apart when the dad saw his young daughter kissing a guy at the mall.
RELATED:
Her husband went into a fit of rage when their eldest daughter started dating
Image credits: Elle Hughes/Pexels (not the actual photo)
She vowed it wouldn’t happen with the younger daughter, so she’s been helping her sneak boys into the house
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BlackberryNo2485
How overly-strict parenting can negatively impact your children
Image credits: Monstera Production/Pexels (not the actual photo)
There’s no handbook on how to parent properly, and everyone has their own style. From those who prefer the more progressive, gentle or permissive route, to others who swear by a very strict approach. But experts warn that being too strict can have a negative impact on your child’s development.
The Parents App site describes strict parents s those who typically set themselves up as authority figures, and often expect their children to obey other authority figures as well, such as teachers or the police.
“Children are expected to follow rigid rules, often without an explanation as to why those rules are needed,” the site explains. “High expectations are also common. A strict parent, for example, may be quick to ground a kid if even one grade drops below an A.”
The app’s experts warn that an excessively strict parenting style can interfere with your child’s self-determination and development of autonomy.
It might, ironically, lead to lower grades. “Paradoxically, having high expectations for your child’s grades can actually lower their performance,” they say. “Some children will also react to being punished for not getting straight As when they worked hard by working less hard because they feel they can’t make a difference.”
Your child may also suffer from low self-esteem as a result of your overly strict parenting. This could be because they don’t socialize as much as those with more laid-back parents.
“Kids with strict parents are often denied certain activities with other children, and this impacts their ability to make friends,” explains the Parents App site. “A child who is never allowed to go to another child’s home, but always has to have kids come to their place may be resented by other children (and even parents) and left out.”
Kids with insanely strict parents may also find it hard to make decisions. That’s because they’re used to mom or dad calling the shots for them. They don’t really learn how to make choices in a healthy way.
Your strict parenting could also backfire on you. Experts say children with authoritarian parents tend to rebel at some point.
“As kids get older, they react to parents who are strict by working around them, not with them. They are more likely to sneak out and get into trouble than kids raised by softer parents. They learn to conceal the things they are doing,” explains the site, adding that the rebellious phase doesn’t always end anytime soon.
“In adulthood they may also rebel against other authority figures, making it harder to hold down a job or even getting them into trouble with the law,” warn the experts.
“17th century country preacher”: many people had harsh words for the father
But not everyone agreed. Some felt both parents were in the wrong
Then there were those who called out the mom – and not just for lying
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What do you think ?
Ellinor she/they/elle 4 weeks ago (edited)
Well regarding how OP is parenting she's NTA (except when she told her daughter's secrets to her husband, that was not ok) and she's doing everything well, but allowing her husband to act in a sexist way toward their children without telling him anything for years and putting the children through it and staying with him is AH behavior.
Tyke 4 weeks ago
I'd add in there that she should have told him years ago there are two parents he does not get to "rule authority". I don't *think* removing doors is really a thing here in the UK, but that in itself would have been a firm no from me.
Load More Replies...
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 4 weeks ago
Why is she even with this loser? I didn't hear even one redeeming quality
Tha Monkey 4 weeks ago
She's been married to him since she was 21 - all her adult life. She doesn't know any other way.
Load More Replies...
J R 4 weeks ago
NTA. He's controlling and a*****e. It's hard seeing your kids grow up, but it happens. Taking away a kid's door as punishment is a***e and an invasion of privacy. However, I think it's even creepier how his daughter was technically an adult at this point. I kind of get the people who say YTA because I do think that OP should get a divorce. It's not right to let her kids be in this environment and to teach them they need to lie to keep their dad from flying off the rails. But she's probably not thinking clearly. What I think people don't understand is how complex it can get. There's often the main a****r (in this case the dad). However, living with them usually slowly conditions people into thinking this is either normal or less bad than it is. So it's not uncommon for the other parent to encourage the kids to do things to keep the primary a****r calm, which gaslights the kids into believing that this behavior is normal. Is that a***e? Sure, but the other parent is also a victim.
Gebidozo 4 weeks ago
“He's a loving, devoted father, but he cannot handle the idea of his daughters growing up.” Contradiction in terms. A loving father is someone who sees his daughters as human beings, not as porcelain toys from his personal collection. My opinion: YTA, OP. YTA for staying with that misogynistic creep and subjecting your daughters to his madness.
FreeTheUnicorn 4 weeks ago (edited)
Only TA for keeping the kids in the same house as a man with no ability to emotionally regulate and all kinds of misogyny. If you're lying to your spouse, and covering for your kids to avoid violent outbursts, your spouse SE is not in fact a good father, but an ab.use.ive prik.
Julia Cargile 4 weeks ago (edited)
Who are you people who get all your family involved when you have a problem. Grow up and deal with the situation yourself.
Femmers 4 weeks ago
The husband cannot expect to be treated with honesty and respect since he never bothered to ask OP’s opinion about what are good rules and how to parent. He just enforced everybody to comply and used bullying to get his way. I think i would have left the marriage but i can also understand that sometimes people are not in an easy position to do this.
meeeeeeeeeeee 4 weeks ago
That man sounds like a teenager throwing constant tantrums, boke. Can't believe she even shagged him 3 times to make the kids.
Kate Johnson 4 weeks ago
So the husband has sexual thoughts about his daughters. That's the only conclusion you can draw here. His behavior is bizarre and creepy. It's depraved. If my husband was perving over my daughter like this, I'd leave.
arthbach 4 weeks ago
Kate, that's not the only conclusion that can be drawn. He might be someone who believes a woman should be a virgin until she marries. There are still some fathers who hold to this idea. A 16 year old girl kissing in public would be unacceptable to such a man. I'm actually surprised he only removed the door of the 18 year old. There are some who would have kicked her out of the house for being 'a loose woman', or depraved. This man need to learn his views are putting his children in danger, and their mother has been doing her best to protect them from his draconian parenting.
Load More Replies...
otiose 4 weeks ago
She's worried about the trust of her children but not the trust of her partner? She should have had a conversation with him when he attempted to take the door off the eldest daughter's room! I agree with the way she is raising the kids, but to make the decision to break trust with him shows they shouldn't have stayed together! I really don't understand how she can justify this!
DC 3 weeks ago
What she did was a workaround. These don't solve problems, they only delay them to enjoy later. ESH. As many commenters said, she should have talked to him once the double standard became visible. Either got that piece of rightfully outdated parenting out of your habits, or seperate.
LongFang 3 weeks ago
I have a 14F. The immature father i am, i'd rather she leave the nest & have her first BF at 40... kidding ! Seriously, i'm building a relationship with her that she'd freely come to me for advice. If she messes up, she'd say, gotta call Dad, he'd call me a twit but won't get mad & figure out a solution together. My ex-wife wouls blow the roof...
Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
Well clearly said husband ,is a maggot isn’t he , ( maga ) !, he screams it , as a mother with two kids 21-24 living at home happily own lives have had from 18 working since 16 al thru college ,I’m with op totally , I’m divorced so no husband around thank god ! I trust my kids ,they in turn trust me ,and know I have their backs what ever , I’m very protective of them to ,hurt em they will never find u kinda thing !! and I’d never allow anyone to treat them like this husband did , n he has the gall to wonder why op didn’t tell him 🙄🙄op do your kids n yourself a favour lovely divorce this maggot !! You deserve better , cos his vile attitude will rub off on your boys , NOT what you need ,x
Scott Rackley 3 weeks ago
Hubby has some latent sexual attraction to his daughters. This is jealousy, not love. I'd love to see his browsing history.
bElLa sTairZz 3 weeks ago
wish she was communicating how she felt about her husbands parenting more, rather than lying for years and hoping itd go away. however i userstand covering for her daughter, that was 100% necessary
Just_for_this 4 weeks ago
Possibly broken their marriage with years of lies there. I understand why she did it, but did OP really think things wouldn't catch up with her? Should have been upfront from the start with Husband, and told him to reign it in or leave. Break the cycle of toxicity.
megabeth 4 weeks ago
She made her kids take a p**s test after them saying pick us up we're uncomfortable at this party bc there are d***s and alcohol being consumed?
Vinnie 4 weeks ago
I can't imagine d**g testing them, so I'm not sure if she mistrusts them. On the other hand, she knows that they haven't been slipped d***s or alcohol. Vodka can be hard to taste and d***s could be slipped into a drink or food.
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 4 weeks ago
Have you not read the whole part about how he treated his oldest daughter differently from his sons ? OP did what she did BECAUSE of the unfair treatment that the older daughter received.
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 4 weeks ago (edited)
Well regarding how OP is parenting she's NTA (except when she told her daughter's secrets to her husband, that was not ok) and she's doing everything well, but allowing her husband to act in a sexist way toward their children without telling him anything for years and putting the children through it and staying with him is AH behavior.
Tyke 4 weeks ago
I'd add in there that she should have told him years ago there are two parents he does not get to "rule authority". I don't *think* removing doors is really a thing here in the UK, but that in itself would have been a firm no from me.
Load More Replies... The_Nicest_Misanthrope 4 weeks ago
Why is she even with this loser? I didn't hear even one redeeming quality
Tha Monkey 4 weeks ago
She's been married to him since she was 21 - all her adult life. She doesn't know any other way.
Load More Replies... J R 4 weeks ago
NTA. He's controlling and a*****e. It's hard seeing your kids grow up, but it happens. Taking away a kid's door as punishment is a***e and an invasion of privacy. However, I think it's even creepier how his daughter was technically an adult at this point. I kind of get the people who say YTA because I do think that OP should get a divorce. It's not right to let her kids be in this environment and to teach them they need to lie to keep their dad from flying off the rails. But she's probably not thinking clearly. What I think people don't understand is how complex it can get. There's often the main a****r (in this case the dad). However, living with them usually slowly conditions people into thinking this is either normal or less bad than it is. So it's not uncommon for the other parent to encourage the kids to do things to keep the primary a****r calm, which gaslights the kids into believing that this behavior is normal. Is that a***e? Sure, but the other parent is also a victim.
Gebidozo 4 weeks ago
“He's a loving, devoted father, but he cannot handle the idea of his daughters growing up.” Contradiction in terms. A loving father is someone who sees his daughters as human beings, not as porcelain toys from his personal collection. My opinion: YTA, OP. YTA for staying with that misogynistic creep and subjecting your daughters to his madness.
FreeTheUnicorn 4 weeks ago (edited)
Only TA for keeping the kids in the same house as a man with no ability to emotionally regulate and all kinds of misogyny. If you're lying to your spouse, and covering for your kids to avoid violent outbursts, your spouse SE is not in fact a good father, but an ab.use.ive prik.
Julia Cargile 4 weeks ago (edited)
Who are you people who get all your family involved when you have a problem. Grow up and deal with the situation yourself.
Femmers 4 weeks ago
The husband cannot expect to be treated with honesty and respect since he never bothered to ask OP’s opinion about what are good rules and how to parent. He just enforced everybody to comply and used bullying to get his way. I think i would have left the marriage but i can also understand that sometimes people are not in an easy position to do this.
meeeeeeeeeeee 4 weeks ago
That man sounds like a teenager throwing constant tantrums, boke. Can't believe she even shagged him 3 times to make the kids.
Kate Johnson 4 weeks ago
So the husband has sexual thoughts about his daughters. That's the only conclusion you can draw here. His behavior is bizarre and creepy. It's depraved. If my husband was perving over my daughter like this, I'd leave.
arthbach 4 weeks ago
Kate, that's not the only conclusion that can be drawn. He might be someone who believes a woman should be a virgin until she marries. There are still some fathers who hold to this idea. A 16 year old girl kissing in public would be unacceptable to such a man. I'm actually surprised he only removed the door of the 18 year old. There are some who would have kicked her out of the house for being 'a loose woman', or depraved. This man need to learn his views are putting his children in danger, and their mother has been doing her best to protect them from his draconian parenting.
Load More Replies... otiose 4 weeks ago
She's worried about the trust of her children but not the trust of her partner? She should have had a conversation with him when he attempted to take the door off the eldest daughter's room! I agree with the way she is raising the kids, but to make the decision to break trust with him shows they shouldn't have stayed together! I really don't understand how she can justify this!
DC 3 weeks ago
What she did was a workaround. These don't solve problems, they only delay them to enjoy later. ESH. As many commenters said, she should have talked to him once the double standard became visible. Either got that piece of rightfully outdated parenting out of your habits, or seperate.
LongFang 3 weeks ago
I have a 14F. The immature father i am, i'd rather she leave the nest & have her first BF at 40... kidding ! Seriously, i'm building a relationship with her that she'd freely come to me for advice. If she messes up, she'd say, gotta call Dad, he'd call me a twit but won't get mad & figure out a solution together. My ex-wife wouls blow the roof...
Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
Well clearly said husband ,is a maggot isn’t he , ( maga ) !, he screams it , as a mother with two kids 21-24 living at home happily own lives have had from 18 working since 16 al thru college ,I’m with op totally , I’m divorced so no husband around thank god ! I trust my kids ,they in turn trust me ,and know I have their backs what ever , I’m very protective of them to ,hurt em they will never find u kinda thing !! and I’d never allow anyone to treat them like this husband did , n he has the gall to wonder why op didn’t tell him 🙄🙄op do your kids n yourself a favour lovely divorce this maggot !! You deserve better , cos his vile attitude will rub off on your boys , NOT what you need ,x
Scott Rackley 3 weeks ago
Hubby has some latent sexual attraction to his daughters. This is jealousy, not love. I'd love to see his browsing history.
bElLa sTairZz 3 weeks ago
wish she was communicating how she felt about her husbands parenting more, rather than lying for years and hoping itd go away. however i userstand covering for her daughter, that was 100% necessary
Just_for_this 4 weeks ago
Possibly broken their marriage with years of lies there. I understand why she did it, but did OP really think things wouldn't catch up with her? Should have been upfront from the start with Husband, and told him to reign it in or leave. Break the cycle of toxicity.
megabeth 4 weeks ago
She made her kids take a p**s test after them saying pick us up we're uncomfortable at this party bc there are d***s and alcohol being consumed?
Vinnie 4 weeks ago
I can't imagine d**g testing them, so I'm not sure if she mistrusts them. On the other hand, she knows that they haven't been slipped d***s or alcohol. Vodka can be hard to taste and d***s could be slipped into a drink or food.
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 4 weeks ago
Have you not read the whole part about how he treated his oldest daughter differently from his sons ? OP did what she did BECAUSE of the unfair treatment that the older daughter received.
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