Someone Asks About The “Lesser-Known Problems Of Being An Unattractive Woman,” They Give 30 Heartbreaking Answers
In a world governed by unattainable beauty standards, photo editing, plastic surgeries, flawless skin, timeless youth, perfect smiles and… the list is endless, appearance is something that it seems our society is wildly obsessed with.
A national survey from Allure found that the first thing 64% of people notice about someone is how attractive he or she is. And half of us—that's every other person—think appearance defines us significantly or completely. Now think of the professional careers, job interviews, dates, and overall success, and it clicks—the way we see beauty has indeed a very ugly side.
So when someone asked women on Reddit this uncomfortable question, “What are the lesser-known problems of being an unattractive woman?” the brutally honest and often sad responses started flowing in.
Below are some of the most revealing ones that should really make us all stop and reflect on why we judge others so much and how we can change that.
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People being rude to you, especially men. If they’re not attracted to you, then you don't deserve respect nor decency.
This extends to disabled women and women with chronic illnesses. “You have diabetes because you are overweight” and “it’s a lifestyle choice”. I was BORN with it as are many so how is that a lifestyle choice? Cruel
If a skinny, pretty girl dresses super casual with no effort, it’s cute and trendy, but if I do it I’m lazy and don’t care about my looks.
When someone does genuinely find you attractive and you think it's a joke
I find it hard to believe and accept compliments about my looks. I also don't think my friends and family who say things like that are liars coz that's insulting to them. So I just say thank you with an awkward laugh. It's all so confusing.
We reached out to the author of this Reddit thread who said he believes that we all live in a world that’s too obsessed with looks. According to BaymaxTheBot, “everyone has social media and if you do not have it, it seems that something must be wrong with you. We take 1000 pictures of ourselves to share the one we think we look the best in.”
According to the author who posted the question on r/AskWomen, sharing your selfies on social media is one of the easiest ways to receive external validation. Moreover, “everyone chases confidence and a boost to their self-esteem. That's what gets you hooked to social media; the constant need to seek this feeling of self-reassurance,” he said.
As a fat woman: not being able to go to 90% of my doctor's visits without my weight being brought up. I mean, that's fine in a checkup or physical, but if I go in because I have a sinus infection, I don't really feel the need to discuss how fat I am right at that moment unless it's somehow going to clear up my sinus infection.
Nope ...it's even dangerous if a doctor is always focussed on weight. My doc was so obsessiv blaming my weight for every issue she didn't notice some cancerous cysts-she was just not looking for other reasons. And each feeling " something is wrong with my body" makes me a hypochondric - cause " fat persons don't have a feeling for their own body" Lost my trust to many docs because of this and sadly- I know I'm not the only one And by the way - my BMI is " only" 30, I do yoga and trail-trecking and have hashimoto syndrom-Most docs know that and ignore it still.
Oh, I'm excited for this one. I'm pretty attractive, I get hit on regularly - I'm attractive enough to appeal to a wide swathe of individuals, but not so attractive as to be intimidating.
But I wasn't always, for five years I was fat because of medication. Last year, I got super toned and lost the weight when I went off the meds. I'm now training for competitive powerlifting.
I was cute before I gained the weight, but somehow, my thirties have been amazing - this weight loss left me with anime eyes and cut cheekbones, a look I've never had before.
I am treated better in every facet of my life and it has given me genuine body dysmorphia that I have been in therapy for.
Men offer me free things, they constantly hit on me; women ask for advice constantly, and all ANYONE wants to discuss is how I look, which is the least interesting f**king thing about me.
Pretty privilege and thin privilege are absolutely real, and the worst part is finding out that my biggest fear - that I was worth less to society when I weighed more - was absolutely f**king true.
Thanks, society, for the super awesome body dysmorphia you have now given me.
What's interesting is that I spent so many years in the shadows that I have zero interest in coming out of them anymore, but just like when I was fat, people think they have some sort of right to discuss my appearance blatantly.
It's disgusting, and all it does is show how incredibly undervalued women are for anything other than our looks.
Yeah, I feel this one. I have always been fat. But about 20 years ago I lost a lot of weight due to mental health problems. I only ate about an apple a day and nothing else. I was slim but not unhealthy looking, because of course I still had that thyroid problem. It was CRAZY how people treated me once I was slim, even my own family was nicer. Of course once my depression was over and I started to eat normally again I gained all that weight back, and of course I got invisible again. I always resented the attention I got when I was slim, because I always knew that people were never interested in ME, only in my looks. I am strangely relieved that men leave me alone now, being ugly is a great way to filter out the shallow types.
That no matter how often your significant other tells you that you’re beautiful, you constantly compare yourself to more attractive women and feel that you’ll never be enough.
When asked what he thought of the overwhelming responses his questions received, the Redditor said he did not expect this amount of attention nor this amount of people relating in some way.
When it comes to judging others by their appearance, BaymaxTheBot said that it really depends on the person, but usually, “we put an emphasis on appearance because it's the first thing we notice about the other and according to this perception we are more or less willing to associate with someone.”
People thinking that you don't have the right to like yourself or thinking that your confidence is 'brave.' F**k off.
Spending ages trying to dress up nicely only to go outside and realize that everyone else is still a million times more attractive than you.
Exactly. I can't express how much I relate to this it's so true. My parents keep telling me that I look good but afterwards once you go outside you still feel ugly. Worst feeling in the world.
Being invisible next to your friends. They're all having fun, and you just sit there, and no one is talking to you
I agree entirely this is something that’s happened to me when with almost all my friends I’ve ever known except for two Zak and Ethan but the one I had the least a connection with was Braxton he was so mean he took advantage of my kindness he was just so mean
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When in a group and everybody is chatting away but you are being ignored then that is not friendship. Just leave.
Happens all the time to me at family dinners. It's not something you can just walk away from.
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Not nessesarily. Some introverts like me do not like too much spotlight. There is a difference between being introverted and being shy, though some are both, (but it is not nessesarily the case that the two are paired). I can be around people that I like and whom I have a good time with, but when it has been going on for too long, I just need a moment of piece and quiet for myself. Some of us is perfectly well in the shadows for most of the time and only peaking out when we feel that we have something interesting to contribute with.
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No, you can be confident, but if you're not talking about something the rest of the group takes interest in/visa-versa, it means periods of being left out.
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Sorry, but this isn't because of the way you look. It is a question of confidence, and introversion. I know plenty of highly extroverted people who aren't traditionally "attractive" who are incredibly outgoing.
Friend groups and families are made up of variously attractive people. No one ignores Aunt Mabel cos she's got a facial feature that's not appealing, or a friend bc she or he wasn't on the cover of Most Gorgeous magazine. It seems some people with less than winning personalities blame their appearance on their lack of social success. And, no one's looking at you, we're all insecure about how we look. Surprise!
Load More Replies... I think it is more about charisma. There are a lot of overweight people who is the natural center of attention. Though it may come more natural to some, charisma is a skill that can be learned and is not bound up on looks alone.
Yeah but it takes 2 people to have a conversation. How about you try talking to them!?
Thats in your head. The minute you don't carr anymore and think 🖕, just doing uour own stuff, you don't nead that anymore and thats shows. And i know, i was that one. I now eo what ever i like and don't care.
Being shy is something you have to fight through or bring a friend into the mix that will help. You have to tell people how you feel. If you are in a group and they are talking join in. It's not someone's job to check on you, unless they know what you are feeling. In my group of peers we interrupt each other, talk over one and other and laugh. It's not as hard as you might think. In fact sometimes all you have to do is move closer and lean in.
If you're just sitting there are you giving off a "don't talk to me" vibe? Get up & get engaged - or just don't go.
My grandmother told me once when I had the same problem "A closed mouth don't get fed" it helped me learn to speak up
Do like me: only hang out with ugly people too. Soon you'll realize they're not ugly, even yourself
I think there is need for new friends because they just want to share cost of parties and food.
Yeah... wasted way too many years being "the ugly friend" you know... the one they bring out so that they can a.) feel good about themselves for taking pity on the 'poor ugly person' and b.) compared to YOU... **theeey** look amazing!!!
Going out with my half sister was like that. Everyone was looking at her, as if I didn't exist.
Unsolicited weight loss/health advice (that is often wrong and does not consider my health at all) and unsolicited advice on how to be attractive to men.
Keep it to yourself. You don’t have the right nor do you know what’s going on mentally or medically
That you should be grateful that any man wants to sleep with you and it’s selfish to think that you deserve to be in a relationship with respect. I’m apparently fine to sleep with but heaven forbid they take me outside the house and be seen with me even if they themselves aren’t conventionally attractive.
Yep. You just have to tolerate the abuse, because you sure as hell will never deserve better.
It’s a lot harder in the office. Women have a hard enough time rising to higher ranks or being taken seriously but it’s very annoying when the pretty women are taken more seriously. Heck same is true for men. Good looks win jobs
I worked in an engineering group, and it didn't seem like this at all. The female engineers mostly had average features that they didn't much enhance with makeup, and many didn't wear any makeup; some were overweight, some were not, and they tended to dress in line with the guys in their group—business casual for the older set, jeans and T-shirts among the young people.
Most men assumed that I was going to be easy — as in easy to have sex with — because they think I have no self-esteem and seek validation with sex.
And even if you are ok with "being easy" because you, too, want to have casual sex, they'd still look down on you somehow and be disgusted in a way. That is so twisted.
Fewer job opportunities. Attractiveness plays a part in getting hired.
People constantly trying to fix me. My aunty asked me how I was going to get a man with a body like mine and my dressing style. Mind you, she is pushing 50 with no man, but OK.
Empathy and sympathy. People want to comfort you when you're the cute, pretty crier, protect you. I rarely see ugly people being the face of depression or mental illness on social media.
Not so much when you're ugly. It's kind of just awkward.
Ohhh.. .no, when you're not considered "pretty" - when you're upset, crying or otherwise needing support people get ANGRY with you... they get *irritated* that you're wasting their time and "making a scene" and "overreacting"... you also get LOTS of reminders about how you should be super grateful for the little scraps of pity thrown at you ... you know... things like ... lucky that you weren't abandoned as a baby.
Sometimes I feel bad for my partner, thinking he's embarrassed or could do better.
Before i married my skinny super handsome husband i said he can call it off as he can do better with someone prettier as im over weight, i ha an eating disorder and lost aton of weight but then i put it back on double, still married me and i said if you find someone else in the mean time i wont blame you at all
When I was fat, they would hit on my significant other right in front of me. When I’m slim, they look at him and immediately look at the floor and walk away.
I lost a lot of weight after getting married & you'd be surprised how many people have said to me "Awww, he loved you for what you were on the inside!" The implication of course being he didn't find me attractive before but for some reason pursued me anyway - girl, what?
This is funny, why would he marry you if he didn't like / love you!!! People are so shallow really! I hope you have many more happy years of marriage!
I was treated differently than my attractive friends. People were less helpful to me, left me out of everything (especially photos), and only wanted me around when it suited them.
Ever have a photo studio photographer argue with their colleague who will take your photo? I don't like photographers for this reason. They always seem annoyed and angry with me while being so nice to everyone else in the group.
I was ugly as a pre-teen and teenager, and whenever I said that some other woman was mean to me, I just got told “oh you are just jealous of them!”. Like, wtf, no?!
It also felt like people were able to bully me as much as they wanted to and that my claims were untrue. Just because I was ugly doesn’t mean I was lying. Somehow ppl just trust attractive people more for some crazy reason.
These days I’m cute, but I don’t put much effort in. Sometimes people get annoyed at me for not “using my potential”. No, I don’t wanna spend 1h each morning applying makeup. Who do I wanna impress? I’m cute enough to not be treated like s**t, and I have no desire to be hit on or looked at by every random dude. Let me just live my life ok?
I blame the media. Did you ever notice that the heroic character is almost always attractive while the villain is usually ugly?
I think growing up the “ugly duckling” can have bad effects on your mind and cause you to put up with bad behaviour from men. I legit thought I was ugly and unlovable and that I was lucky to have any guy interested, so I had a beggars mindset and put up with his terrible behaviour.
It’s now that I realise that I had actually had a glow up and hadn’t realised. I look at old photos and see a beautiful young woman. I was just so stuck in my past that I couldn’t embrace myself or be confident.
Your perception of yourself really does determine how you let others treat you
That specific feeling when everyone gathers to take a group picture and hands the phone to me to take it. Ouch
People leaving you for your best friend when they realise she's prettier.
No she hasn't ever gotten with them, but they've left with the intention of getting with her
She’s a good friend if she’s blown that fantasy time after time in defence of you
Being called sir in shops. Not being able to contribute to the conversation when other women share stories of men hitting on them because it never happens
I’ve hardly ever had to deal with being creeped on and I’m glad about that. That stuff can be scary.
well as a chubby and “ugly” person, most often people think you are dumb and uninteresting and you have no right to date/like attractive people because they are out of your league. when I was a teen people would say straight to my face that I was ugly…they don’t say it anymore, but I can feel it…ahahah
I have an indent in my left temple from major brain surgery 8 years ago. I am sick and tired of people trying to get me to fix it. It’s fine and any cosmetic surgery won’t work because of the plates underneath. All it does by bringing attention to it is make people feel less than
Guys lying saying you're obsessed with them just to get other girls to laugh and be like "eww really??"
I hate when people comment or say, 'I wanna have your self-esteem/confidence!' as if it was a compliment. It isn't — they're just using other words to call the person ugly.
A guy telling me "He usually wasn't attracted to women like me" in other words fat girls.
Seriously
Being 21 and knowing there is a big chance you have to live your life alone and never getting married.
Lots of people gonna say nooo you find the right one eventually but then I always think of my teacher who looked like me and she was 50, never been married and living alone with two cats.
Note: this post originally had 55 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Being not able to look at you in the mirror, because you really don't like what you see. Or people telling you how "ugly ducklings" became beauty pageant princesses if they put enough effort to it... meaning you could use some surgical enhancement.
Just get rid of mirrors. It works for me. Much happier without. And of course ignore Shitlord Ryan. He really never has anything nice to say.
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It saddens me to see how many of these say, "As a fat woman...". I understand that our culture promotes the ideal that skinny is the only way to be pretty, but it perpetuates the idea that any woman can be pretty if only they would lose weight, which is not the case. (And I'm saying this out of personal experience. I am not an attractive woman. That's okay, I think I'm pretty intelligent and funny and have other attributes to make up for it. But the truth is, I was not attractive when I was 135 lbs. and I was not attractive when I was 175 lbs). When we hold up this standard that all you have to do to be pretty is be skinny, it A. reinforces that overweight = ugly, which is wrong, and B. makes people who are genuinely not blessed in the looks department, even when they are healthy or slim, feel invisible, which is already a problem as unattractive women are routinely overlooked in our society.
A friend of mine has been losing weight for the past year for health purposes, and her husband is angry at her. He claims to be less attracted to her, and accuses her of losing weight in order to attract other men. They are in therapy.
Her husband sounds scared of losing control of the relationship or of losing her. He sees her becoming slimmer and more conventionally attractive, which means she will get hit on more. It sounds like like he has low self esteem. .
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While I agree with these and have experienced them, a lot of you need to learn how to not give a f. Life gets a WHOLE lot easier when you stop worrying about how others feels about you. You can't change them. Live your life and enjoy it.
Life also gets easier as you get older. I find myself worrying less and less each year.
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Not taking anything away from the women who posted these, just adding that a lot of these ring true for me, too.
Being a 5'8 guy w/ a very babyish baby face, also impacts the way I'm treated. B/c I have male-anime-face, at 35 I was once mistaken for 15, I kid you not. It's a gift and a curse. W/ some people, no matter what I say, they look at me like I'm 15, since that's how my face looks. It doesn't matter what I say, or how substantive or reflective of life experience it is, all they see is, 'he is really young,' even though I'm almost 40 now, lol. B/c I'm 5/8, many women will def. flirt w/ men who are taller over me. I've also had women (& men) very interested in me but only b/c of my baby face. But c'mon, we've all been guilty many times of really being interested in someone, mostly or wholly b/c of their looks! So, meh, at a certain point I have to say that it is what it is. I have to accept just how silly it is that some people's perceptions are influenced by these things and focus on the things which I can impact.
There's also the fact that when you're eating anything people will give you nasty looks and tell you, you shouldn't be eating so much. Especially if it's a piece of candy. Bish this tiny "fun-sized" candy bar is the ONLY thing I'm eating today because of fu*ktards like you
People are not usually born hating themselves, it’s learned from others, it’s the burden picked up by repeated told you are less than, or ugly. It’s the constant of not being invited of being scapegoated, or abused. That ugliness becomes ingrained. I shook off caring when I was 10. Got use to taking undeserved s**t. Rebelled in my wins, like when I was the best soccer goalie at school, super athletic and the entire season let one ball by, I got s**t about that for two weeks. Just before an important game I advised everyone on my team who never celebrated my saves that they would need to find a new goalie and why, I left and they were left losers for the remainder of the year. Challenged about it, I told one team mate who asked why I left, I replied so that the rest of the team can be losers just like me. That hit a soft spot and nobody from that team gave me crap after that. I turned my athletics to racing the time clock in track and field, a much better team mate.
I've been thin, I've been fat. I was definitely considered more attractive when I was thin. When you're fat and middle-aged, you are basically invisible. I think the hardest part for me is that multiple times in my life, various men (some of them strangers, some crushes, some actual partners/boyfriends) have felt perfectly entitled to casually tell me I'm ugly or not very attractive, or some such thing, like it's perfectly okay and I shouldn't be upset by it because it's obvious or something. Even now at my age, I would love to know what it's like to be beautiful. I think I have every human quality that anyone could ask for in another person, except that. But when you don't have good looks, it feels like good looks are the only thing that matter to everyone else.
Any guy who told me I was ugly would no longer be breathing unaided by mechanical devices.
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I'm not ugly, and I know that. But I'm not pretty either. I'm not minimalizing the pain of others, but I feel that it may be worse than being "ugly". At least there are some people who want to be with someone who's not conventionally attractive because it makes them beautiful in a different way, or unique. I, however, and completely and utterly plain. No haircut, makeup, or fancy clothes make me look any less plain. So I just fly under the radar. Nobody really notices or acknowledges the plain people. I'm not curvy, and I'm not skinny. I'm not exotic, I'm very pale and not much to look at. I just wish people would look for personality, I have so much emotion and intelligence to offer that nobody ever sees because what they see is a plain person, a background character.
remember one time mom & went to store. she stayed in the car. when i got back in she was staring at me. asked wny & she said 'i may not have beautiful children but i did make exotic & unique children. i hope other people see you as i see you'. i told her she had her rose colored glasses on but it got me to thinking & realize yes, i am no conventional cutie but i do have something that no one else has because i am me.
Yes, getting bullied one way or another for your entire life for things over which you have no control is a THING! Your hair, your weight, your appearance, your intellect, even your first or last name can cause derision and scorn from strangers. All you can do is your best and just keep moving forward to the next nice thing that will happen in your life.
Being a regular person needs to be normalized. People who just live their life without caring about makeup hair styles perfect body and trendy clothes.
Yes! And we also need to normalize being kind to strangers. We don't know what's going on in each other's lives. Kindness should be our defaults.
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The opposite exists with a lot of males. Skinny, weak, and short with no money is a death sentence for their dating future. They have the same feelings as all of the wonderful ladies above. Makes me sad. Maybe BP should start a sidebar for these people, having an emotional connection over past trauma is extremely strong!
I was laid up for a couple years with my chronic illness. I gained quite a bit of weight. I knew who my true friends were because they didn't treat me any different. I did have some "well meaning" acquaintances who would say, "you used to be so pretty." When I lost the weight, I removed those people from my life. I have people in my life of all shapes and sizes. None of my friends treat people differently based on their size and shape. I'm sorry that some people are so shallow! There are still people who will will treat you better!
Even the so called " attractive" people have demons they are trying to work on. You may see them as being happy with life, but it may be the total opposite. Dont live your life comparing yourself to others. They have other issues even if physical attractiveness isn't one of them. Most of the time, the issue is worse and something you wouldn't want trade for.
Great advice. Don't know why you are downvoted. ?
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Being incredibly nice and never, ever standing up for yourself because you’re worried you’ll come across as the bitchy ugly girl, instead of just the ugly girl. I attract toxic people and desperate people (namely 14 year old boys and creepy 60 year olds. I’m not calling everyone that age desperate, it’s just the ones I’ve ran into). And the worst part is I’m desperate and miserable, and would probably take an abuser just to try and fix my issues.
Please don't. Consider therapy instead. You deserve so much better.
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Most of these are not limited to women. Plenty of men who are overweight and/or consider themselves ugly can relate. And one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that much of the way they're treated by society at large is due to innate human behavior and preferences, rather than any conscious attempt to demean them. Although at least some of it is indeed due to one's own self-image, and does not reflect anything that's actually happening, but rather one's own perception.
I know trolls are just keyboard warriors protecting their insecurities, but I am tired of hearing that I'm fat and ugly - the typical response when someone doesn't agree with my opinion. Some of them even go out of their way to show me photos of myself, like I've forgotten what I look like.
I am the pretty girl who got fat and has an incurable disease. My husband met and married me when I was 325 lbs. Ive lost 75 since. Before my hubby came along, I was depressed and had horrible self esteem. Hubby tells me everyday that Im beautiful but its hard to think of myself that way.
My brother told me I look like Anne Hathaway’s “before” character in The Princess Diaries. I do wear dark-rimmed glasses, have long and curly hair that frizzes like mad, and I have bushy eyebrows. I told him she stole my look 😂
Mae West was on the chubby side, so was Ella Fitzgerald. I will be smart and funny all my life -- pretty has a short shelf life. My mom's encouragement meant that I did not tie my self-worth with looks, including what I look for in a man. Many a man tried to pass me by in a bar, but my snappy retort is: "I'm not much to look at but I can suck-start a Harley. Unfortunately, you'll never know what that feels like. Bye!" More men talk to me because I have them talk about themselves. And I can always leave! Girls, take control of your own mind and life. You are with yourself more than anyone else. Love thyself!
I have mixed feelings about this article. OTOH, we need to say so many of these things out loud, be heard, and support each other. OTOH, I cringe over the whole idea of saying this person is attractive and that person is unattractive. You know? I mean this is really more about other people's opinions/judgments and how screwed up it can make us when we internalize them. Like I just want to scream "F**k you and your superficial beauty standards!!" to the world. Beautiful people are revealed through who they are not what they look like. So many "attractive" people are just plain ugly.
So for me personally, ugly is a behaviour, not an appearance. I consider there to be a huge difference between looking good, beautiful, and attractive. They are 3 completely different things. Looking good is when you get dressed-up/make an effort, and there is a noticeable difference. Beauty is a feature that you have that is pleasing to eye (be it face, eyes, body, etc). Attractiveness is was draws me to you and has nothing to do with looks. It's your behaviour, personality and the way you treat people. I've not been able to sleep with someone I didn't find attractive, no matter how beautiful they were! My erm... lets go with 'body', just won't react.
When a female Olympian wears eye make up during her event it immediately makes me root against her. I’m talking the blonde, lean, pretty girls. That screams insecurity not what tv wants to see. Look at women’s MMA, the ones that win only care about winning and training. Go look at Rose Namajunas, she could be a model but shaves her head and never wears makeup at work. Confidence is sexy as hell
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Not correct. Chimpanzees and bonobos (and many other primates like macaques) are polygamous. All females mate with all males in the group. They do not nate only with the strongest males. Actually it is proven that in our lineage women selected for less strong less aggresive males, reducing our sexual dimorphism. In other primates like marmossets females even prefer the most "feminine" males.
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I don't think they hate us. I think they just don't give a s**t.
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When people treat you like s**t. THAT'S when I care
Load More Replies... Being not able to look at you in the mirror, because you really don't like what you see. Or people telling you how "ugly ducklings" became beauty pageant princesses if they put enough effort to it... meaning you could use some surgical enhancement.
Just get rid of mirrors. It works for me. Much happier without. And of course ignore Shitlord Ryan. He really never has anything nice to say.
Load More Replies... It saddens me to see how many of these say, "As a fat woman...". I understand that our culture promotes the ideal that skinny is the only way to be pretty, but it perpetuates the idea that any woman can be pretty if only they would lose weight, which is not the case. (And I'm saying this out of personal experience. I am not an attractive woman. That's okay, I think I'm pretty intelligent and funny and have other attributes to make up for it. But the truth is, I was not attractive when I was 135 lbs. and I was not attractive when I was 175 lbs). When we hold up this standard that all you have to do to be pretty is be skinny, it A. reinforces that overweight = ugly, which is wrong, and B. makes people who are genuinely not blessed in the looks department, even when they are healthy or slim, feel invisible, which is already a problem as unattractive women are routinely overlooked in our society.
A friend of mine has been losing weight for the past year for health purposes, and her husband is angry at her. He claims to be less attracted to her, and accuses her of losing weight in order to attract other men. They are in therapy.
Her husband sounds scared of losing control of the relationship or of losing her. He sees her becoming slimmer and more conventionally attractive, which means she will get hit on more. It sounds like like he has low self esteem. .
Load More Replies... While I agree with these and have experienced them, a lot of you need to learn how to not give a f. Life gets a WHOLE lot easier when you stop worrying about how others feels about you. You can't change them. Live your life and enjoy it.
Life also gets easier as you get older. I find myself worrying less and less each year.
Load More Replies... Not taking anything away from the women who posted these, just adding that a lot of these ring true for me, too.
Being a 5'8 guy w/ a very babyish baby face, also impacts the way I'm treated. B/c I have male-anime-face, at 35 I was once mistaken for 15, I kid you not. It's a gift and a curse. W/ some people, no matter what I say, they look at me like I'm 15, since that's how my face looks. It doesn't matter what I say, or how substantive or reflective of life experience it is, all they see is, 'he is really young,' even though I'm almost 40 now, lol. B/c I'm 5/8, many women will def. flirt w/ men who are taller over me. I've also had women (& men) very interested in me but only b/c of my baby face. But c'mon, we've all been guilty many times of really being interested in someone, mostly or wholly b/c of their looks! So, meh, at a certain point I have to say that it is what it is. I have to accept just how silly it is that some people's perceptions are influenced by these things and focus on the things which I can impact.
There's also the fact that when you're eating anything people will give you nasty looks and tell you, you shouldn't be eating so much. Especially if it's a piece of candy. Bish this tiny "fun-sized" candy bar is the ONLY thing I'm eating today because of fu*ktards like you
People are not usually born hating themselves, it’s learned from others, it’s the burden picked up by repeated told you are less than, or ugly. It’s the constant of not being invited of being scapegoated, or abused. That ugliness becomes ingrained. I shook off caring when I was 10. Got use to taking undeserved s**t. Rebelled in my wins, like when I was the best soccer goalie at school, super athletic and the entire season let one ball by, I got s**t about that for two weeks. Just before an important game I advised everyone on my team who never celebrated my saves that they would need to find a new goalie and why, I left and they were left losers for the remainder of the year. Challenged about it, I told one team mate who asked why I left, I replied so that the rest of the team can be losers just like me. That hit a soft spot and nobody from that team gave me crap after that. I turned my athletics to racing the time clock in track and field, a much better team mate.
I've been thin, I've been fat. I was definitely considered more attractive when I was thin. When you're fat and middle-aged, you are basically invisible. I think the hardest part for me is that multiple times in my life, various men (some of them strangers, some crushes, some actual partners/boyfriends) have felt perfectly entitled to casually tell me I'm ugly or not very attractive, or some such thing, like it's perfectly okay and I shouldn't be upset by it because it's obvious or something. Even now at my age, I would love to know what it's like to be beautiful. I think I have every human quality that anyone could ask for in another person, except that. But when you don't have good looks, it feels like good looks are the only thing that matter to everyone else.
Any guy who told me I was ugly would no longer be breathing unaided by mechanical devices.
Load More Replies... I'm not ugly, and I know that. But I'm not pretty either. I'm not minimalizing the pain of others, but I feel that it may be worse than being "ugly". At least there are some people who want to be with someone who's not conventionally attractive because it makes them beautiful in a different way, or unique. I, however, and completely and utterly plain. No haircut, makeup, or fancy clothes make me look any less plain. So I just fly under the radar. Nobody really notices or acknowledges the plain people. I'm not curvy, and I'm not skinny. I'm not exotic, I'm very pale and not much to look at. I just wish people would look for personality, I have so much emotion and intelligence to offer that nobody ever sees because what they see is a plain person, a background character.
remember one time mom & went to store. she stayed in the car. when i got back in she was staring at me. asked wny & she said 'i may not have beautiful children but i did make exotic & unique children. i hope other people see you as i see you'. i told her she had her rose colored glasses on but it got me to thinking & realize yes, i am no conventional cutie but i do have something that no one else has because i am me.
Yes, getting bullied one way or another for your entire life for things over which you have no control is a THING! Your hair, your weight, your appearance, your intellect, even your first or last name can cause derision and scorn from strangers. All you can do is your best and just keep moving forward to the next nice thing that will happen in your life.
Being a regular person needs to be normalized. People who just live their life without caring about makeup hair styles perfect body and trendy clothes.
Yes! And we also need to normalize being kind to strangers. We don't know what's going on in each other's lives. Kindness should be our defaults.
Load More Replies... The opposite exists with a lot of males. Skinny, weak, and short with no money is a death sentence for their dating future. They have the same feelings as all of the wonderful ladies above. Makes me sad. Maybe BP should start a sidebar for these people, having an emotional connection over past trauma is extremely strong!
I was laid up for a couple years with my chronic illness. I gained quite a bit of weight. I knew who my true friends were because they didn't treat me any different. I did have some "well meaning" acquaintances who would say, "you used to be so pretty." When I lost the weight, I removed those people from my life. I have people in my life of all shapes and sizes. None of my friends treat people differently based on their size and shape. I'm sorry that some people are so shallow! There are still people who will will treat you better!
Even the so called " attractive" people have demons they are trying to work on. You may see them as being happy with life, but it may be the total opposite. Dont live your life comparing yourself to others. They have other issues even if physical attractiveness isn't one of them. Most of the time, the issue is worse and something you wouldn't want trade for.
Great advice. Don't know why you are downvoted. ?
Load More Replies... Being incredibly nice and never, ever standing up for yourself because you’re worried you’ll come across as the bitchy ugly girl, instead of just the ugly girl. I attract toxic people and desperate people (namely 14 year old boys and creepy 60 year olds. I’m not calling everyone that age desperate, it’s just the ones I’ve ran into). And the worst part is I’m desperate and miserable, and would probably take an abuser just to try and fix my issues.
Please don't. Consider therapy instead. You deserve so much better.
Load More Replies... Most of these are not limited to women. Plenty of men who are overweight and/or consider themselves ugly can relate. And one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that much of the way they're treated by society at large is due to innate human behavior and preferences, rather than any conscious attempt to demean them. Although at least some of it is indeed due to one's own self-image, and does not reflect anything that's actually happening, but rather one's own perception.
I know trolls are just keyboard warriors protecting their insecurities, but I am tired of hearing that I'm fat and ugly - the typical response when someone doesn't agree with my opinion. Some of them even go out of their way to show me photos of myself, like I've forgotten what I look like.
I am the pretty girl who got fat and has an incurable disease. My husband met and married me when I was 325 lbs. Ive lost 75 since. Before my hubby came along, I was depressed and had horrible self esteem. Hubby tells me everyday that Im beautiful but its hard to think of myself that way.
My brother told me I look like Anne Hathaway’s “before” character in The Princess Diaries. I do wear dark-rimmed glasses, have long and curly hair that frizzes like mad, and I have bushy eyebrows. I told him she stole my look 😂
Mae West was on the chubby side, so was Ella Fitzgerald. I will be smart and funny all my life -- pretty has a short shelf life. My mom's encouragement meant that I did not tie my self-worth with looks, including what I look for in a man. Many a man tried to pass me by in a bar, but my snappy retort is: "I'm not much to look at but I can suck-start a Harley. Unfortunately, you'll never know what that feels like. Bye!" More men talk to me because I have them talk about themselves. And I can always leave! Girls, take control of your own mind and life. You are with yourself more than anyone else. Love thyself!
I have mixed feelings about this article. OTOH, we need to say so many of these things out loud, be heard, and support each other. OTOH, I cringe over the whole idea of saying this person is attractive and that person is unattractive. You know? I mean this is really more about other people's opinions/judgments and how screwed up it can make us when we internalize them. Like I just want to scream "F**k you and your superficial beauty standards!!" to the world. Beautiful people are revealed through who they are not what they look like. So many "attractive" people are just plain ugly.
So for me personally, ugly is a behaviour, not an appearance. I consider there to be a huge difference between looking good, beautiful, and attractive. They are 3 completely different things. Looking good is when you get dressed-up/make an effort, and there is a noticeable difference. Beauty is a feature that you have that is pleasing to eye (be it face, eyes, body, etc). Attractiveness is was draws me to you and has nothing to do with looks. It's your behaviour, personality and the way you treat people. I've not been able to sleep with someone I didn't find attractive, no matter how beautiful they were! My erm... lets go with 'body', just won't react.
When a female Olympian wears eye make up during her event it immediately makes me root against her. I’m talking the blonde, lean, pretty girls. That screams insecurity not what tv wants to see. Look at women’s MMA, the ones that win only care about winning and training. Go look at Rose Namajunas, she could be a model but shaves her head and never wears makeup at work. Confidence is sexy as hell
Load More Replies... Not correct. Chimpanzees and bonobos (and many other primates like macaques) are polygamous. All females mate with all males in the group. They do not nate only with the strongest males. Actually it is proven that in our lineage women selected for less strong less aggresive males, reducing our sexual dimorphism. In other primates like marmossets females even prefer the most "feminine" males.
Load More Replies... I don't think they hate us. I think they just don't give a s**t.
Load More Replies... When people treat you like s**t. THAT'S when I care
Load More Replies... 