Pregnant Woman Leaves Thanksgiving Dinner After MIL Trashes The Meal She Brought For Herself
People love having their way.
Sure, some do exercise self-control and pure common sense and thus try to push away the urge to be controlling where it’s absolutely not necessary. But not all.
And because of this, we end up with stories that require a little bit of internet arbitration to put things into perspective. Arbitration about whether it’s appropriate to force someone out of a diet that they are specifically assuming because their body will do regrettable things, and that’s not something you’d want while pregnant.
More Info: Reddit
Being pregnant means being more fragile, but what do you do when your mother-in-law insists on constantly testing that fragility
Image credits: Dan Harrelson (not the actual image)
OP, Reddit user u/MilaKiwi33, recently shared in an r/AITA post about the incident she had during Thanksgiving. Yes, it does fit the family feud paradigm and further reinforces the stereotype that Thanksgiving is probably cursed at this point because of how many things end up going wrong. But I digress.
The Redditor is 5 months pregnant at the moment, and has always had health issues that meant she had to go vegetarian. This, however, did not sit well with her mother-in-law. Even more so if it was something non-vegetarian she made, and the food was in turn left untouched by OP.
A pregnant woman recently asked the internet if she was wrong to walk out of Thanksgiving after her MIL (and hubby) disrespected her diet restrictions
Image credits: u/MilaKiwi33
OP kept the story short and simple, explaining that she has health issues that mean she can’t eat meat of any kind
Image credits: rabble (not the actual image)
So, Thanksgiving rolled by. You can guess how many vegetarian options there can realistically be in a Thanksgiving dinner, so OP prepared. Not only because she’s gonna need to eat, but also out of respect for MIL.
Well, MIL was having none of it. Of course she had a problem with it because she immediately made a fuss about it, saying that OP is robbing the baby of all the meaty goodies it could be getting, but isn’t. OP is, of course, taking supplements to counter this deficiency, so all is fine.
MIL did take OP’s prepared meal, claiming she’d reheat it and serve it once the table was set. Well, that turned out to be a huge lie as the dish was not served. In fact, MIL took the manipulative route and, when asked about it, said OP never brought anything—must’ve left it at home?
But MIL thought her pregnant DIL has to eat meat—the baby demands it, right? Well, it turned ugly really quickly
Image credits: u/MilaKiwi33
Image credits: Mooganic (not the actual image)
As if the tension wasn’t thick enough you could cut it with a knife, hubby jumped in. OP was about to leave when he said that she should just let it go. She didn’t let it go.
She later found out her dish wasn’t just rejected from the dinner table—it was also thrown out. Into the trash. So, not only did MIL try to force her dietary decision upon OP, she also wasted a perfectly good [insert dish here, OP never specified], which meant OP’s money and time was literally in the trash can.
The husband sided with the mother-in-law, claiming that OP caused a scene by leaving the celebration, and that it wasn’t worth it. Besides that, MIL thinks OP was being dramatic and hard to deal with.
OP ended up walking out after her MIL insisted she eat meat during Thanksgiving dinner, and her husband did not support her at all
And so MilaKiwi passed on the question to the r/AITA community. And they saw zero fault in OP’s actions. It’s not only because other Redditors found themselves in her shoes at some point as well. And they explained how it all got even worse with time, as the forcing then shifted to raising the kid a certain way and the like.
There were also others who pointed out the major red flags in both MIL and the hubby. She was forceful and inconsiderate of what’s best for her grandchild, let alone her daughter-in-law, while the husband did not support his wife, let alone stand up for her during this entire conflict.
Well, the internet came to support her, explaining how both MIL and the husband were the jerks here
For context, assuming OP has allergies to certain types of foods (i.e. meat), the symptoms themselves are not believed to cause a risk to the unborn baby. Genetics can, as there is a higher risk of inheriting it.
However, the same article on the Allergy and Asthma Network also explained that there are also studies that show a reduced risk of food allergies, asthma and allergic rhinitis among the fetuses of pregnant mothers who consumed plenty of food-based vitamin-D during pregnancy. So, eating things that might potentially cause allergies might also help avoid them altogether.
However, while the symptoms may have very minimal effects on the baby, they do have serious ones on the mother. And if, let’s say, they can’t get enough sleep because of these symptoms, then being tired can lead to problems that might ultimately affect the baby. No mother wants high blood pressure, gestational diabetes or longer labor to become risk factors in a pregnancy.
But, back to the topic at hand. The post got a bit over 10,000 upvotes (with the bit being around another 200) with a positive rating of 96%, and several Reddit awards for good measure. The story also found some fame outside of Reddit among a couple of internet news media websites. You can check out the post in context here.
And before you do that, why not share some of your thoughts, opinions, advice or stories in the comment section below! Oh, and if you haven’t had your fill of pregnancies and food, try this on for size.
Why do so many people just want to "keep the peace" by accommodating the loudest and usually older person? I get holding your tongue against certain remarks but throwing your food out when you have dietary restrictions and then gaslighting you about it is far beyond an annoying comment. In addition, you either stick up for your partner or decide to get a divorce. You can't have a happy marriage when you are throwing your partner under the bus
I used to follow that stupid advice for nearly my entire life, I can't speak for others but I did it because I hated being the center of attention, I wanted the issue to go away and for us to move on. It took me many years up till the past few years to realize that what I was actually doing was giving people the green light to continue treating me like a doormat. I can guarantee that showing the past few years that I have a spine has actually driven a wedge between me and certain family members because they see me as "willful and unreasonable" now, but i feel better about not being walked on. Keeping the peace just allows people to abuse you, I stand up for myself now. The cost of "peace" was nearly my life due to my misery. Never again.
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Wow. So MIL is concerned about OP's nutritional intake and her solution is to first, remove OP's main dish and then to try to gaslight OP into thinking that she didn't a) bring the food in and b) have an entire conversation with MIL about reheating it for her? What I don't understand is why OP's husband seemingly never piped up in defence of his wife to confirm she's brought the dish in with her. It might possibly have been better for OP to bring extra - maybe using two dishes, one for her so she doesn't go short, and a second for sharing - so the family could try some too, but that's not the point. NTA.
Even better to blow off Thanksgiving at MIL’s house, and start a tradition of celebrating the holiday exclusively with their own little “family unit”. The best Thanksgivings my husband and I ever had are the ones where it was just the two of us and our pets (who each get their own small bowl of turkey cut up in small pieces—-not too much, we don’t want to upset their little tummies, but just enough to satisfy). We cook the casseroles and pie the day before, so it’s basically just the turkey and vegetables to cook on the day. We stay in our pajamas all day, watch the Macy’s Parade and holiday movies until dinner time, and if we want to eat while watching TV, then we f*****g well eat while watching TV. In our pajamas. No traveling, no dressing up, no huge dinner to cook, no family to deal with. Perfectly stress-free.
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What if, instead of a pregnancy diet, OP had a nut allergy, and MIL put nuts in just about everything at Thanksgiving, because “a little can’t hurt you” or “you can’t even taste it” (as if the issue was the taste and not the potentially fatal allergic reaction)? OP could end up violently ill, hospitalized, or dead. How is THAT better for her baby, MIL? F*****g RESPECT other people’s dietary restrictions, you potentially murderous b***h!
From what I read, it sounds like OP may suffer from PKU. A friend of mine has it and she doesn't eat meat at all, her body can't process the proteins in it. In the case of a pregnancy, her bloods have to be monitored very closely, as there is a risk the baby could be born with defects, so I totally understand and applaud OP for standing up for their health and the health of their unborn child.
I have a stomach issue (not the one you've mentioned) that means I can't process meat or fish, it's also meant I'm allergic to dairy. I'm vegan so it doesn't affect me day to day anyway but so many people think that I've made it up because I'm vegan. Which makes no sense as if I'm vegan I'm going to avoid meat and fish anyway, so why would I need to make something up? You'd be surprised at how many people suddenly become qualified dieticians when they hear you're vegan (thankfully not so much anymore as it's more mainstream but years ago when it wasn't i had people quizzing me loads) worried about my protein and vitamin intake etc. Funnily enough, they always happened to the be the people who had awful diets of junk food etc who probably should have been more interested in their nutrition than mine!
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A bit dramatic? Maybe, But definitely NTA. What an insane move to pull and then have the audacitiy to gaslight the OP! Also: A pregnant woman is no host. HEr health comes before that of the unborn child. If she can't eeat smething due to medical issues, she cannot eat somethign due to medical issues - end of story.
This has nothing to do with the "health of the baby" and everything to do with abusing and controlling the mother. I'd have walked out too. And filed for divorce the next day.
Just to keep the peace?! I've learned the hard way by actually following that stupid advice for decades! All it does is give the antagonist the fuel they need to keep going. They won't ever stop treating you like this because they know you won't stand up for yourself. It was even more scary that the MIL tried to actually convince her DIL that she never brought foods in the first place. Looking after the health of "her grand baby" is a red flag. First of all, she isn't the pregnant one, it's your body, and that already screams to me that she's going to be very pushy about this baby. Your husband was more concerned with keeping the peace and his mother's feelings than the health and well-being of his wife and child. Also a red flag.
What is wrong with people? why do people care so much about what other people eat? I don't get that at all!
I had a horrendous meat aversion for my entire pregnancy. I still eat vegetarian and plant based meals a lot because I can't eat the same amount of meat as I used to without feeling bleugh. I also can't get over the amount of people who side with their parents/families over their spouse - of course there are exceptions if the spouse does something horrendous, but your spouse is the family you chose, if you are not going to chose them over your other family with something like this why did you marry them in the first place?
When I was pregnant, almost any healthy food made me literally throw up. I love all foods, always have, but for my first two trimesters, I could not keep down dairy, vegetables, "real" meat (I could eat bologna but not chicken or beef), or whole wheat. Even eating a bite of hidden dairy or meat sent me to the bathroom immediately to vomit. I learned how many foods have hidden dairy and that restaurants don't always listen when you request to not have food cooked in butter (which I normally love). I was also starving all the time, but I could only keep down very limited and junky foods. This MIL is cruel and I would also have left the dinner if my food was thrown away. My ex-MIL used to make snide comments about my pregnancy diet that I remember 25 years later.
NTA. First of all, the so called meat benefits are myths. All of them. There is a little bit of truth, very well hidden, in worries about vitamin B12 - everything else, you can completely ignore and be fine, period. But anyway - even if there were no health issues involved, but you just decided so, by ethical motivation or just by your tastebuds being different to hers or whatever, she has no right to interfere. You have reasons, and you not wanting to eat something is reason enough already. You didn't impose any additional work to her, but made sure she is not bothered by anything by making your own dish. She is the AH here, by every and any means. You are NTA, by every and any means. You really gotta put your foot down with people like this. They don't take any compromise as a sign of strength, willingness to deescalate or any of that sort, but see nothing but weakness in it. Do never give in a single inch towards people of that obnoxiousness. Never! That would set a precedent, and they never ever will accept any less anymore. Your body, your rules, end of. That she, on top of it all, tried to make you look like you're forgetful, or downright senile, makes it even worse. I would reevaluate going there at all. For her Grandkid's sake, I'd never leave them alone. She proved not to be worth any trust, and should be treated accordingly.
MIL could get an attempted murder charge if OP ate her food and gotten sick. O have an averse reaction to alcohol and spicy food and everyone knows not to feed me with it or I can get hospitalized. I worry for OP if her MIL just ignores her food problems and continue as it is.
This is stupid. The MIL and husband are dimwits. Like mother, like son. There ain’t a flag big enough or red enough for this one.
Oh boy. She's gonna be a handful when that baby comes. Have a party at your house that's to your diet and invite her. If she brings anything dump it out an just wash the container to return to her. See how she likes it. And ur hubby needs some balls. You're his wife an mother of that baby. He needs to pick a side.
"im looking out for my grandkids health" well perhaps you should start by looking out for the health of the person WHO IS LITERALLY CARRYING THEM IN THEIR WOMB RIGHT NOW. If OP got ill from eating meat or whatever due to their medical dietary restrictions, baby is at risk too.
MIL is completely FITH and puts her stupid prejudices ahead of her concerns for her grandchild's health. YOU are the mother, so please make sure you have some really solid evidence from pre-natal services which show what is REALLY best for you and the baby. If she wants to be a MAGA moron, that is her privilege; it does NOT give her control over the babies health.
Even if MIL thinks she is fussy or whatever. It’s one meal! To many families ruin and tear down the bonds of love over being right. MIL is not going to be right and now she’s separated herself from the fire of the extended family.
Was every dish made of meat? I don't know how strict or what kind of diet she has, but if I was her I'd just had have some side dish and a salad. Such a big fuss made over something that could be solved rather easily.
Why do so many people just want to "keep the peace" by accommodating the loudest and usually older person? I get holding your tongue against certain remarks but throwing your food out when you have dietary restrictions and then gaslighting you about it is far beyond an annoying comment. In addition, you either stick up for your partner or decide to get a divorce. You can't have a happy marriage when you are throwing your partner under the bus
I used to follow that stupid advice for nearly my entire life, I can't speak for others but I did it because I hated being the center of attention, I wanted the issue to go away and for us to move on. It took me many years up till the past few years to realize that what I was actually doing was giving people the green light to continue treating me like a doormat. I can guarantee that showing the past few years that I have a spine has actually driven a wedge between me and certain family members because they see me as "willful and unreasonable" now, but i feel better about not being walked on. Keeping the peace just allows people to abuse you, I stand up for myself now. The cost of "peace" was nearly my life due to my misery. Never again.
Load More Replies... Wow. So MIL is concerned about OP's nutritional intake and her solution is to first, remove OP's main dish and then to try to gaslight OP into thinking that she didn't a) bring the food in and b) have an entire conversation with MIL about reheating it for her? What I don't understand is why OP's husband seemingly never piped up in defence of his wife to confirm she's brought the dish in with her. It might possibly have been better for OP to bring extra - maybe using two dishes, one for her so she doesn't go short, and a second for sharing - so the family could try some too, but that's not the point. NTA.
Even better to blow off Thanksgiving at MIL’s house, and start a tradition of celebrating the holiday exclusively with their own little “family unit”. The best Thanksgivings my husband and I ever had are the ones where it was just the two of us and our pets (who each get their own small bowl of turkey cut up in small pieces—-not too much, we don’t want to upset their little tummies, but just enough to satisfy). We cook the casseroles and pie the day before, so it’s basically just the turkey and vegetables to cook on the day. We stay in our pajamas all day, watch the Macy’s Parade and holiday movies until dinner time, and if we want to eat while watching TV, then we f*****g well eat while watching TV. In our pajamas. No traveling, no dressing up, no huge dinner to cook, no family to deal with. Perfectly stress-free.
Load More Replies... What if, instead of a pregnancy diet, OP had a nut allergy, and MIL put nuts in just about everything at Thanksgiving, because “a little can’t hurt you” or “you can’t even taste it” (as if the issue was the taste and not the potentially fatal allergic reaction)? OP could end up violently ill, hospitalized, or dead. How is THAT better for her baby, MIL? F*****g RESPECT other people’s dietary restrictions, you potentially murderous b***h!
From what I read, it sounds like OP may suffer from PKU. A friend of mine has it and she doesn't eat meat at all, her body can't process the proteins in it. In the case of a pregnancy, her bloods have to be monitored very closely, as there is a risk the baby could be born with defects, so I totally understand and applaud OP for standing up for their health and the health of their unborn child.
I have a stomach issue (not the one you've mentioned) that means I can't process meat or fish, it's also meant I'm allergic to dairy. I'm vegan so it doesn't affect me day to day anyway but so many people think that I've made it up because I'm vegan. Which makes no sense as if I'm vegan I'm going to avoid meat and fish anyway, so why would I need to make something up? You'd be surprised at how many people suddenly become qualified dieticians when they hear you're vegan (thankfully not so much anymore as it's more mainstream but years ago when it wasn't i had people quizzing me loads) worried about my protein and vitamin intake etc. Funnily enough, they always happened to the be the people who had awful diets of junk food etc who probably should have been more interested in their nutrition than mine!
Load More Replies... A bit dramatic? Maybe, But definitely NTA. What an insane move to pull and then have the audacitiy to gaslight the OP! Also: A pregnant woman is no host. HEr health comes before that of the unborn child. If she can't eeat smething due to medical issues, she cannot eat somethign due to medical issues - end of story.
This has nothing to do with the "health of the baby" and everything to do with abusing and controlling the mother. I'd have walked out too. And filed for divorce the next day.
Just to keep the peace?! I've learned the hard way by actually following that stupid advice for decades! All it does is give the antagonist the fuel they need to keep going. They won't ever stop treating you like this because they know you won't stand up for yourself. It was even more scary that the MIL tried to actually convince her DIL that she never brought foods in the first place. Looking after the health of "her grand baby" is a red flag. First of all, she isn't the pregnant one, it's your body, and that already screams to me that she's going to be very pushy about this baby. Your husband was more concerned with keeping the peace and his mother's feelings than the health and well-being of his wife and child. Also a red flag.
What is wrong with people? why do people care so much about what other people eat? I don't get that at all!
I had a horrendous meat aversion for my entire pregnancy. I still eat vegetarian and plant based meals a lot because I can't eat the same amount of meat as I used to without feeling bleugh. I also can't get over the amount of people who side with their parents/families over their spouse - of course there are exceptions if the spouse does something horrendous, but your spouse is the family you chose, if you are not going to chose them over your other family with something like this why did you marry them in the first place?
When I was pregnant, almost any healthy food made me literally throw up. I love all foods, always have, but for my first two trimesters, I could not keep down dairy, vegetables, "real" meat (I could eat bologna but not chicken or beef), or whole wheat. Even eating a bite of hidden dairy or meat sent me to the bathroom immediately to vomit. I learned how many foods have hidden dairy and that restaurants don't always listen when you request to not have food cooked in butter (which I normally love). I was also starving all the time, but I could only keep down very limited and junky foods. This MIL is cruel and I would also have left the dinner if my food was thrown away. My ex-MIL used to make snide comments about my pregnancy diet that I remember 25 years later.
NTA. First of all, the so called meat benefits are myths. All of them. There is a little bit of truth, very well hidden, in worries about vitamin B12 - everything else, you can completely ignore and be fine, period. But anyway - even if there were no health issues involved, but you just decided so, by ethical motivation or just by your tastebuds being different to hers or whatever, she has no right to interfere. You have reasons, and you not wanting to eat something is reason enough already. You didn't impose any additional work to her, but made sure she is not bothered by anything by making your own dish. She is the AH here, by every and any means. You are NTA, by every and any means. You really gotta put your foot down with people like this. They don't take any compromise as a sign of strength, willingness to deescalate or any of that sort, but see nothing but weakness in it. Do never give in a single inch towards people of that obnoxiousness. Never! That would set a precedent, and they never ever will accept any less anymore. Your body, your rules, end of. That she, on top of it all, tried to make you look like you're forgetful, or downright senile, makes it even worse. I would reevaluate going there at all. For her Grandkid's sake, I'd never leave them alone. She proved not to be worth any trust, and should be treated accordingly.
MIL could get an attempted murder charge if OP ate her food and gotten sick. O have an averse reaction to alcohol and spicy food and everyone knows not to feed me with it or I can get hospitalized. I worry for OP if her MIL just ignores her food problems and continue as it is.
This is stupid. The MIL and husband are dimwits. Like mother, like son. There ain’t a flag big enough or red enough for this one.
Oh boy. She's gonna be a handful when that baby comes. Have a party at your house that's to your diet and invite her. If she brings anything dump it out an just wash the container to return to her. See how she likes it. And ur hubby needs some balls. You're his wife an mother of that baby. He needs to pick a side.
"im looking out for my grandkids health" well perhaps you should start by looking out for the health of the person WHO IS LITERALLY CARRYING THEM IN THEIR WOMB RIGHT NOW. If OP got ill from eating meat or whatever due to their medical dietary restrictions, baby is at risk too.
MIL is completely FITH and puts her stupid prejudices ahead of her concerns for her grandchild's health. YOU are the mother, so please make sure you have some really solid evidence from pre-natal services which show what is REALLY best for you and the baby. If she wants to be a MAGA moron, that is her privilege; it does NOT give her control over the babies health.
Even if MIL thinks she is fussy or whatever. It’s one meal! To many families ruin and tear down the bonds of love over being right. MIL is not going to be right and now she’s separated herself from the fire of the extended family.
Was every dish made of meat? I don't know how strict or what kind of diet she has, but if I was her I'd just had have some side dish and a salad. Such a big fuss made over something that could be solved rather easily.
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