Dad Texts Wife The Kitchen Is On Fire Because He’s Mad She Left Him With Baby Longer Than Expected, It Backfires When Cops Show Up
It’s no secret that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most draining, physically and mentally demanding duties many women go through at some point in their lives. Studies suggest that stay-at-home moms report more depression, sadness, and anger, and that’s without taking into account societal pressure or getting overlooked altogether.
So this story from a fully exhausted 31-year-old SAH mom with a husband who’s working full-time shows the level of insanity so many women experience in what should be the comfort of their home. “My sister’s wedding is coming up and we already received an invite, but the thing is, I had to go dress shopping and get my hair done. I asked my husband on his day off if he could stay with our son for just 2 hours,” the woman who goes by u/Adjust-Ad3654 wrote on the AITA subreddit.
It seemed that the husband was less than happy with the prospect but finally “he shrugged, saying ‘fine, go… but 2 hours and not a minute more!’” Not only did he keep calling her every ten minutes asking when she’d be back, he sent her heart to her heels by texting something no mom would ever wish to hear. If that’s not manipulation at its worst, I don’t know what is.
Read the full story below, and be sure to share your thoughts in the comment section.
One woman has recently shared a story of how her husband got so mad she left him with their baby and didn’t come back home earlier, he sent her a false text to frighten her
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
And this is what people commented on this whole situation
Wow. Just... wow. This dude has serious problems that need to be addressed immediately. He thinks she lied to him, which is an unbelievably moronic thing to say, so his solution is to lie to her about the kitchen being on fire; WTF? Him and his family all sound like utter c**ts. He's throwing a temper tantrum because he has to look after the son he created and his family are angry because it was his one day off; He should’ve been looking forward to spending a whole day with his son. What's the point of being a parent if he's going to whinge about spending an incredibly short amount of time with his child? If what this woman says is completely accurate, there are so many red flags it looks like a field of poppies… or a field of red flags even :-) This is abhorrent, it’s emotional abuse. Either she needs to leave him or they both go to some sort of counselling. For the sake of their kid, at least. Hopefully their son will never know about this.
I don't think the counseling will work on his end (especially if he has to pay for it), but worth a shot. His family reinforces his behaviour by taking his side - he obviously looks to them for confirmation that his wife is the bad one in every situation.
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I know most people don’t like suggesting divorce…but yeah do it while you haven’t been out of the work force for too long. Do not trust this man, he’s emotionally abusive and his family supports it. Sharing joint custody is better than getting deeper and deeper into that.
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He's actually abusive and needs to grow up, show her some respect, look after his child as well. ( he's not the babysitter!) Im glad the sister called the cops. Hopefully next time mum goes out she can enjoy 4 hours on her own.
I don't think he'll learn from the consequences, since he blames his wife and got his family to join in the chorus of disapproval.
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if all he's going to contribute to the family is money and a couple of hours with his kid, he can pay child support and see his kid on the weekends. she'd be way better off.
Where do you all find these man-babies and why do you have actual babies with them?
It is like the whole God damn world doesn't understand the important meaning and impact of having a child, the planning of having a child, or that unprotected sex may lead to a child. I really dislike people. So, so many innocent lives affected by stupid humans. This is by witnessing the countless lives in devastation because of unstable, immature "parents"
Load More Replies... This poor woman needs a divorce. He keeps the bills paid but not much else, from what I can see. Working full time doesn't excuse you from being a parent. The guy sounds like an absolute control freak and still sulks like a child - she needs to bin him off. No amount of counselling is going to fix this relationship.
The only reason for trying counselling (or suggesting it) is to build a case against him. Him evolving would mean going against his family's views. He's not likely to do that.
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My worst fear is that you commit and go through crucial steps of the relationship and then it turns out like that. Like you weren't able to see the signs before or even there were no signs before that.
It is very scary especially when you have a child bc your partner could really mess w your life if they are abusive or controlling in any way much harder to leave.
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sometime when my kids were really young i litteraly wanted to cry of exaustion because i couldn't have a break. but you know what, that's my job! If that guy is too dumb to realise his job is to take care of his family then just get in a river and drown yourself dumb f**k
That's what principles and a moral compass are for - they override impulses. A few reddit commenters suggested that he might have anxiety. However, one nervous father admitted that he had been an asshole to his wife when the kids were very young (so he evolved). A person with anxiety pointed out that they themselves would not abuse a spouse over child care.
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And on another note, the lying sounds like he has something going on mentally. Who lies about a fire just because they don't want to watch their child any longer?? This is ABUSE. Plain and simple. Him and his family can both go suck it.
He's decided he's the babysitter and not the parent, and gets to "clock out" from what job whenever he pleases. Also, holy gaslighting, telling her it's all her fault. Run run run, he clearly doesn't care about the kid anyways and you can't even take a fraction of a day for yourself, you'll be better off.
This guy is a control freak. He should relish the father and son time. Once you miss those moments, they don't come again. I sometimes am exhausted at the end of the day but I still put our son to bed and read to or listen to him read even though I am yawning through it. When my wife has gone out to the salon or anywhere without our son, I just enjoy the time we have. I may get a call saying from her saying she is delayed but big whoop. Take your time. Things are fine here. The only time I have called her when she is out is when our son was really missing her and was getting upset she wasnt there.
It sounds as if she never told him that she would be late. Possibly out of fear that he would throw a fit. Good communication includes safety to communicate problems that come up. If he supervises employees, I have to wonder if he's an asshole boss who refuses to hear about problems.
OMG, divorce this jerk. You're not a person to him; you're just a housecleaner and childcare provider who's not entitled to a life of your own. If you stay, this will become worse and worse over time, and he will eventually become abusive. Look at the way he absolved himself of all responsibility for the mess he created.
Yeah the baby is perfect leave a fool age honestly. No memories still a cute glow worm grandparents adore so go back to work girl and leave his ass. Stay with your sister or a friend.
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When our son was born before he passed in his sleep....my husband encouraged me to go out and take a breather. Parenting is a coexistence. This husband sounds like an abusive power hungry man. I'd personally leave him asap. Can't give her a break and spend time with your own child? Fk that. Get out now. Use the phone call and texts against him for full custody. Clearly he is unstable.
My condolences on the passing of your son. May your grief be lightened by the knowledge that his life was blessed by parents who loved him very, very much.
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To me this is less about him not being willing to take care of the baby and much much MUUUUCCCCHHH more about him withholding money from her / stealing from her essentially. What he makes is THEIR money, not entirely just his. So if she wants to spend her own money on a babysitter, that’s not at all up to him. I get that he’s tired and that watching a child is miserable, but that’s what babysitters and nannies are for. He shouldn’t even have a say in it whatsoever since he’s basically agreed he’s not associated with child rearing in his family. It’s completely not his decision and it’s not his money.
He seems to have given her money for the hairdresser, but not for a babysitter (unless it's money she saved up or had left over). That tells me that paying for his wife's appearance is acceptable but paying to give her a break is not. I don't think date nights out are in their future, either.
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It's clear he doesn't even love his own child if he dreads having to spend time with him.
Being annoyed at your partner being two hours later than agreed and ignoring all texts and calls is normal - the wife should have sent him an updated estimate of when she would get home. But a father not being willing to care for his own kid for a couple of hours, texting constantly before she's expected back, lying about a house fire to panic her.... total asshole moves. Run far, run fast. If all he's contributing to the family is money and drama, she may be better off taking alimony and child support, and leaving the man-child.
ESH. Everyone here has covered all the reasons why the guy sucks and I agree, but I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the woman turning her phone off and giving herself an extra 2 hours while ignoring her spouse. I can't think of any circumstance where being that late and non-responsive is acceptable. Just because he is selfish and inconsiderate doesn't mean that she gets a free pass to be the same.
Are you dumb? She turned off the phone because he was CONTINUING to harass her almost every damn minute and being stupid. She had every reason to turn it off and ignore him.
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He's an abusive a**hole, who manipulates and gaslights you, FOR NO F*CKING REASON!!! I mean like, come on. When you're conceiving your kid, you're basically consenting to CARING for your kid and paying attention to them and BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM-FOR THEIR WHOLE F*CKING LIFE-NOT JUST 2 HOURS OR 4 HOURS, BUT THIR WHOLE F*CKING LIFE!!!!!!!! Bring your kid, leave him, and run. You deserve better.
NTA, this guy is a whiny little baby man. Tell him to grow up, it's called PARENTING, not babysitting when you're the damn father. What an idiot. I’m surprised he can even hold a job if he can’t even manage to watch his own child for a few hours. I say give the little baby man his bottle, and go find an actual adult to be with, this dude sounds like he's always going to be an annoying burden.
I'm so tired of men and fathers who thinks it's the woman's job alone to take care of the children . This is 2021. Get with the times. You both made the baby. Take some responsibility and help your wife/partner!!
I am going to try to be calm because this whole thing pisses me off: Being a parent is a 24/7 gig. You don't get to decide that it is someone else's responsibility and you don't have to do anything. This guy is a horrible father and if I was the OP I would start getting ready to file for divorce. In fact, I would use these text messages as evidence to get full custody. It is absolutely ridiculous that he couldn't watch his son for a few hours and then pulled a stunt like this in order to get her to come home. He wasted the time of the police, the fire department, and he scared his wife nearly half to death. His family is just as terrible as he is and I would never let them see the baby ever again. Marriage and parenting is a partnership and if you are unwilling to be a part of it then you have no business being married or being a parent.
Man I am sick of reading these post where men are some how incapable of watching their own child or doing anything around the house. Women, stop reproducing with these people. Honestly, just stop having sex with them. I don't understand how there are so many of these.
Few people do in-depth interviews of potential parents or do background checks on them, let alone off-load that work to a disinterested party. Even with an interview, some people are on their best behaviour until they have children. However, interviewing potential in-laws could be very revealing. I hope this woman cuts her losses and leaves.
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I'd get rid of the father - you seem to be doing fine without him, considering he does f**k all anyway, but you will then be open to find someone who actually cares about you and your child and realises that a child is a 24/7 commitment and that mothers need to rest sometimes too. He honestly sounds like a lazy, entitled crybaby.
NTA. Generally, it's courteous to shoot someone a text to let them know you're going to be late, but that's not the main point here.
People need to start doing serious, in depth questioning and observation of potential breeding partners. For at least 5 years before spitting out a cum trophy. I am not defending this heinous person (I wont say man because this specimen does not deserve the title by any metric) but I refuse to believe this kind of behaviour just came out of the blue. If you breed with an arsehole they will not suddenly become decent.
There probably was clues, but her position is weakened by being dependent on him financially which really tips the scales in a relationship dynamic. Not to mention the pressure about how important fathers are and how badly society makes you feel if you’re not able to provide one for your child. So it’s likely he was a clingy jerk before but he didn’t have the ability to wield the same power before the kid was born…it’s hard because as a mom you’re kinda unavoidably connected to that kid at least the first year soooo…it’s unfair and we have no great alternatives available beyond dumb luck sometimes
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I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the mom because she is totally NTA here, but damn woman, what made you think procreating with this manchild was a good idea??
I believe this one ultimately got an "everyone sucks here" because she took twice the amount of time without telling him and then shut her phone off.
That “man” is the arsehole. Work out a timetable for yourself… for YOUR downtime. YOU need to rest as your job doesn’t stop at the end of the working day and you have two children to feed. I don’t care what hours he works. At least one day a week he needs to cook dinner. At least one day a week he needs to look after his child while you go out for some r&r with a friend or with your sister. Take a weekend off and go somewhere nice on your own, leave him to do what you do everyday. Or grab your child and get the hell out of Dodge!
It's his child too! And his is treating her like absolute crap! "2 hours and not a minute more"..WTF is her her husband/partner or her father?! And she said "thankyou" ..Yeah,Nah.My advice, dump his lying, manipulative ,man/baby @rse.
Coercive control emanating from narcissism. Why did he develop this mode of behaviour? Who knows, perhaps extreme infantilisation by a parent but there are many possible reasons. Is it acceptable or possible to sustain a relationship with him if he does not address his issues?, No.
Yeah I can already smell what kind of upstand this is. They're everywhere and always in a hurry to get married. Yes his job is very demanding but he probably already knew that and you guys shouldn't have gotten pregnant unless he was gonna find time to raise the baby
I will never understand women who willingly breed with these man babies and then complain when they turn out exactly how you'd expect.
That's going to suck for him when you divorce him and he has to watch his kid every other weekend by himself.
The only place this woman went wrong is she apparently didn't tell him she was going to be late. Even if he was annoying the hell out of her she should have updated him. But that's it. Every other aspect of this story is the biggest of red flags. The dude has major issues and one way or the other you are going to be raising this child alone and that sucks
I'm not a violent man, but whenever I see or hear these stories about a (purported) man who doesn't think his child's welfare and happiness is of paramount importance, above any other personal wants and interests, I just imagine giving a couple of swift, hard slaps about the face and the admonishment to "Wake up and get your sh!t together, you selfish, petulant asshole !" Just a fantasy, I know, but it's mine.
My husband often watches our children to let me go places - it's not a big deal, they are his kids too! That poor woman dealing with such a ridiculously selfish man child. And I feel so sorry for the baby boy, clearly this father doesn't actually care about his own son. I can't imagine my husband acting like this. My advice would be to get the hell out of that marriage before that man causes emotional harm to the baby and even more harm to the wife. I'm so disgusted any father would act in such a way
This guy needs some serious professional help. He’s being emotionally abusive and gaslighting her but there seems to be more than laziness behind his actions but actual fear. The fact he asked lots of ‘what if’ questions, that he panicked basically as soon as she’d gone, that he told a ridiculous lie to desperately get her back home. It doesn’t say he wanted her home to go out with his mates or do something like that, he seemed fearful of being alone with his own baby. I definitely wouldn’t be leaving him alone with the baby again until he’s sorted himself out. I know the mum needs breaks and shouldn’t do all the child rearing but he doesn’t sound like someone to be trusted to make rational decisions with a baby alone. He is definitely the A hole in this situation but it feels like there’s a much deeper issue at play here that needs solving.
A clear case of a person who should divorce their spouse before having anymore children and before their current child has retained memories of their lives together if ever I have seen one. What a psycho, please don’t stop working because this is a fool you can’t trust for anything. Hate to see it, but whoop there it is.
I don't know if anyone has said this already, but OP says the husband plays with and sleeps with the kid at night. Does that mean Mum gets nights off? If so, I can kinda understand why the guy is so tired and really looks forward to his day off!
What the ever loving heck happened? My mom was the SAHM while my dad worked SEVEN DAYS a week, constantly. Yet he never hesitated to jump at a chance to look after me and my sister. Absolutely exhausted from 6am shifts and on yet more than allowed mom to go out every now and then. And on vacations too, a perfect chance for him to relax and yet all he wanted to do was outdoor activities with the kids. Now I hear so many stories of people who think that this is the females role at all times. Has he even bought her some kind of gift? Ps. I once asked him a few years ago while reminiscing after realizing how much my dad sacrificed when I was a kid, his response: because I wouldn't be able to do that forever. At some point I knew you and your sister would prefer friends over your parents and want nothing to do with us. You proved me right. I enjoyed the time I had, now I can relax.
I had a similar conversation with my Dad not long ago. He said he felt guilty for "not being there" for my brother and I when we were little because he was always working (he had a pretty high-powered job). I said "What???" and told him that I have SO many happy memories of him playing with me and my brother when we were kids! And one of my fondest memories was him rushing home from work in time to kiss us goodnight and tell us a story. We used to live by the beach and he'd make up fantastic stories about Mr Snapper, Mr Mullet and Mr Whiting - we loved those stories. My Dad is the best person I know. Who cares if he wasn't home to eat dinner with us? He loved us more than life and we knew that.
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I have corrected sooo many men saying they had to "baby sit" on the weekend while their wives were working... if it is YOUR child it is not baby sitting, it is taking care of your gd child...
Your husband is abusive and it sounds like he comes from an abusive family.
He needs to man-up. He has to know how to handle the child, Mom isn't invincible, at a moment's notice, she could become ill or injured. He will need to be both parents for more than 4 hours. My own mother had a heart attack, so I had to leave to be at the hospital with the other members of the family. Any number of things would provoke a need for a guy to be the one to provide care, he has to be prepared for that.
I hope that a-hole had to pay a steep fine for that fake kitchen fire. That's just childish and was totally unnecessary involving the police/fire and it could have been potentially life threatening to someone having a real emergency...and also the sign to the OP that it's time to get out of there
NTA. And wow, that husband is such an AH. I get it that he has a really demanding job, but that's not really an excuse to whine about looking after your child for 4 hours on your day off. My father worked from 7am-11pm many nights and still wouldn't ignore me and my sister or whine about watching us, because he loved us (our mom was a SAHM). This husband sounds like he never wanted children, and if he did want children he apparently thinks he has zero responsibility for them. The fact that he faked a fire to scare his wife into coming home is beyond immature. I also wonder why the wife doesn't have a car? It could be that they simply don't have one, but i have a strong suspicion that the family has a car but only the husband drives it. I will add that i do think the wife should have at least shot him a text to let him know she would be out later. But in the grand scheme of things this probably wouldn't have mattered and he would have bitched and moaned anyway.
Typical covertly abusive behavior. They harass every 10 to 15 minutes so that the victim begins to think the aggravation isn't worth ever leaving the house. Then the victim becomes more and more controlled and isolated from loved ones and friends. Sounds like he's also gaslighting by telling her she's the problem after the abusive baby lied about a fire.
I think you need a divorce and get get child support lets see how he likes giving you his money
Leave. You are nothing more than breeding cattle, the nanny, the maid and his metaphorical punching bag for abuse. You're treated as a slave instead of a partner, you won't find respect ever from this man, he's the head honcho breadwinner and you're just the little woman to birth his spawn, wipe his butt and chew his food for him. Sadly, like many women everywhere involved with toxic males, you're unfortunately married to a fuc*ing Ferengi.
OMENS HAVE BEEN PRESENTED TO YOU!!!! Girrrrrl, LEAVE HIM. My gawd what a total sh*tbag.
WTF? She has to beg and plead for some time away from the house and Daddy throws a hissy fit when she's late??? Like a child, he tries to manipulate her by faking a fire?? He's taking no responsibility for his actions?? I'm sorry honey but you deserve better. Maybe counseling can help his denial about being a father! OP is definitely NTA!!!
He expects her to do everything's around the house 24/7 and you wonder why she isnt working on top of that?
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He may have lied during the interview. That's ground for firing.
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Most men don't immediately make it known they are controlling or abusive. Why is it always the woman's fault when the men are the ones that mess up? It's not like they wear a sign that says I'm a horrible man. Most abusive men are very skilled manipulators. They don't show their true colors until you're trapped.
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Leave it to some incel to blame a woman for a man’s stupidity.
Load More Replies... Wow. Just... wow. This dude has serious problems that need to be addressed immediately. He thinks she lied to him, which is an unbelievably moronic thing to say, so his solution is to lie to her about the kitchen being on fire; WTF? Him and his family all sound like utter c**ts. He's throwing a temper tantrum because he has to look after the son he created and his family are angry because it was his one day off; He should’ve been looking forward to spending a whole day with his son. What's the point of being a parent if he's going to whinge about spending an incredibly short amount of time with his child? If what this woman says is completely accurate, there are so many red flags it looks like a field of poppies… or a field of red flags even :-) This is abhorrent, it’s emotional abuse. Either she needs to leave him or they both go to some sort of counselling. For the sake of their kid, at least. Hopefully their son will never know about this.
I don't think the counseling will work on his end (especially if he has to pay for it), but worth a shot. His family reinforces his behaviour by taking his side - he obviously looks to them for confirmation that his wife is the bad one in every situation.
Load More Replies... I know most people don’t like suggesting divorce…but yeah do it while you haven’t been out of the work force for too long. Do not trust this man, he’s emotionally abusive and his family supports it. Sharing joint custody is better than getting deeper and deeper into that.
Load More Replies... He's actually abusive and needs to grow up, show her some respect, look after his child as well. ( he's not the babysitter!) Im glad the sister called the cops. Hopefully next time mum goes out she can enjoy 4 hours on her own.
I don't think he'll learn from the consequences, since he blames his wife and got his family to join in the chorus of disapproval.
Load More Replies... if all he's going to contribute to the family is money and a couple of hours with his kid, he can pay child support and see his kid on the weekends. she'd be way better off.
Where do you all find these man-babies and why do you have actual babies with them?
It is like the whole God damn world doesn't understand the important meaning and impact of having a child, the planning of having a child, or that unprotected sex may lead to a child. I really dislike people. So, so many innocent lives affected by stupid humans. This is by witnessing the countless lives in devastation because of unstable, immature "parents"
Load More Replies... This poor woman needs a divorce. He keeps the bills paid but not much else, from what I can see. Working full time doesn't excuse you from being a parent. The guy sounds like an absolute control freak and still sulks like a child - she needs to bin him off. No amount of counselling is going to fix this relationship.
The only reason for trying counselling (or suggesting it) is to build a case against him. Him evolving would mean going against his family's views. He's not likely to do that.
Load More Replies... My worst fear is that you commit and go through crucial steps of the relationship and then it turns out like that. Like you weren't able to see the signs before or even there were no signs before that.
It is very scary especially when you have a child bc your partner could really mess w your life if they are abusive or controlling in any way much harder to leave.
Load More Replies... sometime when my kids were really young i litteraly wanted to cry of exaustion because i couldn't have a break. but you know what, that's my job! If that guy is too dumb to realise his job is to take care of his family then just get in a river and drown yourself dumb f**k
That's what principles and a moral compass are for - they override impulses. A few reddit commenters suggested that he might have anxiety. However, one nervous father admitted that he had been an asshole to his wife when the kids were very young (so he evolved). A person with anxiety pointed out that they themselves would not abuse a spouse over child care.
Load More Replies... And on another note, the lying sounds like he has something going on mentally. Who lies about a fire just because they don't want to watch their child any longer?? This is ABUSE. Plain and simple. Him and his family can both go suck it.
He's decided he's the babysitter and not the parent, and gets to "clock out" from what job whenever he pleases. Also, holy gaslighting, telling her it's all her fault. Run run run, he clearly doesn't care about the kid anyways and you can't even take a fraction of a day for yourself, you'll be better off.
This guy is a control freak. He should relish the father and son time. Once you miss those moments, they don't come again. I sometimes am exhausted at the end of the day but I still put our son to bed and read to or listen to him read even though I am yawning through it. When my wife has gone out to the salon or anywhere without our son, I just enjoy the time we have. I may get a call saying from her saying she is delayed but big whoop. Take your time. Things are fine here. The only time I have called her when she is out is when our son was really missing her and was getting upset she wasnt there.
It sounds as if she never told him that she would be late. Possibly out of fear that he would throw a fit. Good communication includes safety to communicate problems that come up. If he supervises employees, I have to wonder if he's an asshole boss who refuses to hear about problems.
OMG, divorce this jerk. You're not a person to him; you're just a housecleaner and childcare provider who's not entitled to a life of your own. If you stay, this will become worse and worse over time, and he will eventually become abusive. Look at the way he absolved himself of all responsibility for the mess he created.
Yeah the baby is perfect leave a fool age honestly. No memories still a cute glow worm grandparents adore so go back to work girl and leave his ass. Stay with your sister or a friend.
Load More Replies... When our son was born before he passed in his sleep....my husband encouraged me to go out and take a breather. Parenting is a coexistence. This husband sounds like an abusive power hungry man. I'd personally leave him asap. Can't give her a break and spend time with your own child? Fk that. Get out now. Use the phone call and texts against him for full custody. Clearly he is unstable.
My condolences on the passing of your son. May your grief be lightened by the knowledge that his life was blessed by parents who loved him very, very much.
Load More Replies... To me this is less about him not being willing to take care of the baby and much much MUUUUCCCCHHH more about him withholding money from her / stealing from her essentially. What he makes is THEIR money, not entirely just his. So if she wants to spend her own money on a babysitter, that’s not at all up to him. I get that he’s tired and that watching a child is miserable, but that’s what babysitters and nannies are for. He shouldn’t even have a say in it whatsoever since he’s basically agreed he’s not associated with child rearing in his family. It’s completely not his decision and it’s not his money.
He seems to have given her money for the hairdresser, but not for a babysitter (unless it's money she saved up or had left over). That tells me that paying for his wife's appearance is acceptable but paying to give her a break is not. I don't think date nights out are in their future, either.
Load More Replies... It's clear he doesn't even love his own child if he dreads having to spend time with him.
Being annoyed at your partner being two hours later than agreed and ignoring all texts and calls is normal - the wife should have sent him an updated estimate of when she would get home. But a father not being willing to care for his own kid for a couple of hours, texting constantly before she's expected back, lying about a house fire to panic her.... total asshole moves. Run far, run fast. If all he's contributing to the family is money and drama, she may be better off taking alimony and child support, and leaving the man-child.
ESH. Everyone here has covered all the reasons why the guy sucks and I agree, but I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the woman turning her phone off and giving herself an extra 2 hours while ignoring her spouse. I can't think of any circumstance where being that late and non-responsive is acceptable. Just because he is selfish and inconsiderate doesn't mean that she gets a free pass to be the same.
Are you dumb? She turned off the phone because he was CONTINUING to harass her almost every damn minute and being stupid. She had every reason to turn it off and ignore him.
Load More Replies... He's an abusive a**hole, who manipulates and gaslights you, FOR NO F*CKING REASON!!! I mean like, come on. When you're conceiving your kid, you're basically consenting to CARING for your kid and paying attention to them and BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM-FOR THEIR WHOLE F*CKING LIFE-NOT JUST 2 HOURS OR 4 HOURS, BUT THIR WHOLE F*CKING LIFE!!!!!!!! Bring your kid, leave him, and run. You deserve better.
NTA, this guy is a whiny little baby man. Tell him to grow up, it's called PARENTING, not babysitting when you're the damn father. What an idiot. I’m surprised he can even hold a job if he can’t even manage to watch his own child for a few hours. I say give the little baby man his bottle, and go find an actual adult to be with, this dude sounds like he's always going to be an annoying burden.
I'm so tired of men and fathers who thinks it's the woman's job alone to take care of the children . This is 2021. Get with the times. You both made the baby. Take some responsibility and help your wife/partner!!
I am going to try to be calm because this whole thing pisses me off: Being a parent is a 24/7 gig. You don't get to decide that it is someone else's responsibility and you don't have to do anything. This guy is a horrible father and if I was the OP I would start getting ready to file for divorce. In fact, I would use these text messages as evidence to get full custody. It is absolutely ridiculous that he couldn't watch his son for a few hours and then pulled a stunt like this in order to get her to come home. He wasted the time of the police, the fire department, and he scared his wife nearly half to death. His family is just as terrible as he is and I would never let them see the baby ever again. Marriage and parenting is a partnership and if you are unwilling to be a part of it then you have no business being married or being a parent.
Man I am sick of reading these post where men are some how incapable of watching their own child or doing anything around the house. Women, stop reproducing with these people. Honestly, just stop having sex with them. I don't understand how there are so many of these.
Few people do in-depth interviews of potential parents or do background checks on them, let alone off-load that work to a disinterested party. Even with an interview, some people are on their best behaviour until they have children. However, interviewing potential in-laws could be very revealing. I hope this woman cuts her losses and leaves.
Load More Replies... I'd get rid of the father - you seem to be doing fine without him, considering he does f**k all anyway, but you will then be open to find someone who actually cares about you and your child and realises that a child is a 24/7 commitment and that mothers need to rest sometimes too. He honestly sounds like a lazy, entitled crybaby.
NTA. Generally, it's courteous to shoot someone a text to let them know you're going to be late, but that's not the main point here.
People need to start doing serious, in depth questioning and observation of potential breeding partners. For at least 5 years before spitting out a cum trophy. I am not defending this heinous person (I wont say man because this specimen does not deserve the title by any metric) but I refuse to believe this kind of behaviour just came out of the blue. If you breed with an arsehole they will not suddenly become decent.
There probably was clues, but her position is weakened by being dependent on him financially which really tips the scales in a relationship dynamic. Not to mention the pressure about how important fathers are and how badly society makes you feel if you’re not able to provide one for your child. So it’s likely he was a clingy jerk before but he didn’t have the ability to wield the same power before the kid was born…it’s hard because as a mom you’re kinda unavoidably connected to that kid at least the first year soooo…it’s unfair and we have no great alternatives available beyond dumb luck sometimes
Load More Replies... I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the mom because she is totally NTA here, but damn woman, what made you think procreating with this manchild was a good idea??
I believe this one ultimately got an "everyone sucks here" because she took twice the amount of time without telling him and then shut her phone off.
That “man” is the arsehole. Work out a timetable for yourself… for YOUR downtime. YOU need to rest as your job doesn’t stop at the end of the working day and you have two children to feed. I don’t care what hours he works. At least one day a week he needs to cook dinner. At least one day a week he needs to look after his child while you go out for some r&r with a friend or with your sister. Take a weekend off and go somewhere nice on your own, leave him to do what you do everyday. Or grab your child and get the hell out of Dodge!
It's his child too! And his is treating her like absolute crap! "2 hours and not a minute more"..WTF is her her husband/partner or her father?! And she said "thankyou" ..Yeah,Nah.My advice, dump his lying, manipulative ,man/baby @rse.
Coercive control emanating from narcissism. Why did he develop this mode of behaviour? Who knows, perhaps extreme infantilisation by a parent but there are many possible reasons. Is it acceptable or possible to sustain a relationship with him if he does not address his issues?, No.
Yeah I can already smell what kind of upstand this is. They're everywhere and always in a hurry to get married. Yes his job is very demanding but he probably already knew that and you guys shouldn't have gotten pregnant unless he was gonna find time to raise the baby
I will never understand women who willingly breed with these man babies and then complain when they turn out exactly how you'd expect.
That's going to suck for him when you divorce him and he has to watch his kid every other weekend by himself.
The only place this woman went wrong is she apparently didn't tell him she was going to be late. Even if he was annoying the hell out of her she should have updated him. But that's it. Every other aspect of this story is the biggest of red flags. The dude has major issues and one way or the other you are going to be raising this child alone and that sucks
I'm not a violent man, but whenever I see or hear these stories about a (purported) man who doesn't think his child's welfare and happiness is of paramount importance, above any other personal wants and interests, I just imagine giving a couple of swift, hard slaps about the face and the admonishment to "Wake up and get your sh!t together, you selfish, petulant asshole !" Just a fantasy, I know, but it's mine.
My husband often watches our children to let me go places - it's not a big deal, they are his kids too! That poor woman dealing with such a ridiculously selfish man child. And I feel so sorry for the baby boy, clearly this father doesn't actually care about his own son. I can't imagine my husband acting like this. My advice would be to get the hell out of that marriage before that man causes emotional harm to the baby and even more harm to the wife. I'm so disgusted any father would act in such a way
This guy needs some serious professional help. He’s being emotionally abusive and gaslighting her but there seems to be more than laziness behind his actions but actual fear. The fact he asked lots of ‘what if’ questions, that he panicked basically as soon as she’d gone, that he told a ridiculous lie to desperately get her back home. It doesn’t say he wanted her home to go out with his mates or do something like that, he seemed fearful of being alone with his own baby. I definitely wouldn’t be leaving him alone with the baby again until he’s sorted himself out. I know the mum needs breaks and shouldn’t do all the child rearing but he doesn’t sound like someone to be trusted to make rational decisions with a baby alone. He is definitely the A hole in this situation but it feels like there’s a much deeper issue at play here that needs solving.
A clear case of a person who should divorce their spouse before having anymore children and before their current child has retained memories of their lives together if ever I have seen one. What a psycho, please don’t stop working because this is a fool you can’t trust for anything. Hate to see it, but whoop there it is.
I don't know if anyone has said this already, but OP says the husband plays with and sleeps with the kid at night. Does that mean Mum gets nights off? If so, I can kinda understand why the guy is so tired and really looks forward to his day off!
What the ever loving heck happened? My mom was the SAHM while my dad worked SEVEN DAYS a week, constantly. Yet he never hesitated to jump at a chance to look after me and my sister. Absolutely exhausted from 6am shifts and on yet more than allowed mom to go out every now and then. And on vacations too, a perfect chance for him to relax and yet all he wanted to do was outdoor activities with the kids. Now I hear so many stories of people who think that this is the females role at all times. Has he even bought her some kind of gift? Ps. I once asked him a few years ago while reminiscing after realizing how much my dad sacrificed when I was a kid, his response: because I wouldn't be able to do that forever. At some point I knew you and your sister would prefer friends over your parents and want nothing to do with us. You proved me right. I enjoyed the time I had, now I can relax.
I had a similar conversation with my Dad not long ago. He said he felt guilty for "not being there" for my brother and I when we were little because he was always working (he had a pretty high-powered job). I said "What???" and told him that I have SO many happy memories of him playing with me and my brother when we were kids! And one of my fondest memories was him rushing home from work in time to kiss us goodnight and tell us a story. We used to live by the beach and he'd make up fantastic stories about Mr Snapper, Mr Mullet and Mr Whiting - we loved those stories. My Dad is the best person I know. Who cares if he wasn't home to eat dinner with us? He loved us more than life and we knew that.
Load More Replies... I have corrected sooo many men saying they had to "baby sit" on the weekend while their wives were working... if it is YOUR child it is not baby sitting, it is taking care of your gd child...
Your husband is abusive and it sounds like he comes from an abusive family.
He needs to man-up. He has to know how to handle the child, Mom isn't invincible, at a moment's notice, she could become ill or injured. He will need to be both parents for more than 4 hours. My own mother had a heart attack, so I had to leave to be at the hospital with the other members of the family. Any number of things would provoke a need for a guy to be the one to provide care, he has to be prepared for that.
I hope that a-hole had to pay a steep fine for that fake kitchen fire. That's just childish and was totally unnecessary involving the police/fire and it could have been potentially life threatening to someone having a real emergency...and also the sign to the OP that it's time to get out of there
NTA. And wow, that husband is such an AH. I get it that he has a really demanding job, but that's not really an excuse to whine about looking after your child for 4 hours on your day off. My father worked from 7am-11pm many nights and still wouldn't ignore me and my sister or whine about watching us, because he loved us (our mom was a SAHM). This husband sounds like he never wanted children, and if he did want children he apparently thinks he has zero responsibility for them. The fact that he faked a fire to scare his wife into coming home is beyond immature. I also wonder why the wife doesn't have a car? It could be that they simply don't have one, but i have a strong suspicion that the family has a car but only the husband drives it. I will add that i do think the wife should have at least shot him a text to let him know she would be out later. But in the grand scheme of things this probably wouldn't have mattered and he would have bitched and moaned anyway.
Typical covertly abusive behavior. They harass every 10 to 15 minutes so that the victim begins to think the aggravation isn't worth ever leaving the house. Then the victim becomes more and more controlled and isolated from loved ones and friends. Sounds like he's also gaslighting by telling her she's the problem after the abusive baby lied about a fire.
I think you need a divorce and get get child support lets see how he likes giving you his money
Leave. You are nothing more than breeding cattle, the nanny, the maid and his metaphorical punching bag for abuse. You're treated as a slave instead of a partner, you won't find respect ever from this man, he's the head honcho breadwinner and you're just the little woman to birth his spawn, wipe his butt and chew his food for him. Sadly, like many women everywhere involved with toxic males, you're unfortunately married to a fuc*ing Ferengi.
OMENS HAVE BEEN PRESENTED TO YOU!!!! Girrrrrl, LEAVE HIM. My gawd what a total sh*tbag.
WTF? She has to beg and plead for some time away from the house and Daddy throws a hissy fit when she's late??? Like a child, he tries to manipulate her by faking a fire?? He's taking no responsibility for his actions?? I'm sorry honey but you deserve better. Maybe counseling can help his denial about being a father! OP is definitely NTA!!!
He expects her to do everything's around the house 24/7 and you wonder why she isnt working on top of that?
Load More Replies... He may have lied during the interview. That's ground for firing.
Load More Replies... Most men don't immediately make it known they are controlling or abusive. Why is it always the woman's fault when the men are the ones that mess up? It's not like they wear a sign that says I'm a horrible man. Most abusive men are very skilled manipulators. They don't show their true colors until you're trapped.
Load More Replies... Leave it to some incel to blame a woman for a man’s stupidity.
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