“AITA For Leaving After I Found Out My SIL Was Lying About Her Food Allergy?”
There are many things for which a person can be called capricious and entitled, and disregard for other people’s values will definitely be among such factors. Actually, it’s very simple – if you consider other people’s preferences unimportant, you seem entitled, no matter how intentionally you did it.
It becomes especially offensive if a person, just to please their own preferences, deliberately harms another people, even knowing that by doing so they cause harm. And society, alas, often unwittingly supports such people, simply by tradition.
For example, such a thing happened to the heroine of this story, whose post scored around 15.0K upvotes and more than 1.7K different comments in the AITA Reddit community. Moreover, what is most offensive to the Original Poster is that her family members sided with an entitled person like this. However, let’s not get ahead of the curve…
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster decided to arrange her 18th birthday dinner at her favorite Chinese restaurant
Image credits: Andrew Malone (not the actual image)
So, the Original Poster was getting ready to celebrate her 18th birthday and, of course, invited all her relatives. The problem was deciding where the party would take place. According to the OP, she’s autistic and has issues with textures, so she decided to celebrate at her favorite Chinese restaurant, because any type of Asian food is safe for her.
Image credits: u/Weekly_Activity6738
The OP’s sister-in-law suddenly claimed that she was allergic to seafood so she couldn’t attend the party
And so, when everything was almost ready, the OP’s brother’s fiancée, Vicky, suddenly announced that she could not go. According to the woman, she is allergic to seafood, so she simply would not be able to attend the party. The OP’s brother was upset and began to persuade his sister to move the party to another restaurant.
Image credits: Conall (not the actual image)
The OP tried to resist, citing the fact that she would simply be uncomfortable with any other food, but when her parents also joined in the persuasion, she just gave up. After all, as the OP’s dad and mom pointed out, it’s not Vicky’s fault that she’s allergic and there’s nothing she can do about it.
Image credits: u/Weekly_Activity6738
The dinner was finally held in an Italian restaurant and the OP felt completely disappointed about it
As a result, the party was held in an Italian restaurant. Everyone, including Vicky, was really happy. Well, everyone but the birthday girl herself. The OP admits that she hates the texture of cheese, pasta and other elements of Italian cuisine, so she felt completely miserable, secretly eating the snacks she brought with her.
Image credits: u/Weekly_Activity6738
Later the OP suddenly found out that her SIL wasn’t allergic to sea food and she just didn’t like the way shrimps smell
After some time, the OP spontaneously came to her brother’s house to pick up her hoodie, which she left there during her last visit. Upon entering the house, she was incredibly surprised to see Vicky eating fish with appetite. The OP reminded the woman that she claimed to be allergic to any kind of seafood, but she replied that she was not allergic to anything – she just didn’t like the way shrimps smell, and she didn’t have a medical allergy. That’s all.
Image credits: u/Weekly_Activity6738
The OP was literally devastated as because of Vicky, she actually ruined her birthday, but it turned out that the woman simply followed her own whim. A quarrel ensued, after which the OP simply blocked both her brother and his fiancée, although Vicky seemed to sincerely not get what she was to blame for at all.
Image credits: u/Weekly_Activity6738
The OP got into an argument with her SIL but her relatives called her behavior entitled
According to the OP, her parents and other relatives said that she was too rude towards Vicky, that she shouldn’t be upset about such a trifle at all, and that it’s better to apologize to her SIL and reconcile with her. The girl was even more upset and decided to ask the netizens if she really behaved like an entitled brat in this situation – which, by the way, her own parents told her.
Image credits: Gary Knight (not the actual image)
Most commenters, however, supported the OP massively, stating that the SIL should apologize sincerely
People in the comments, however, unlike the OP’s relatives, fully supported her. According to most commenters, Vicky and other members of the girl’s family behaved very rudely, because her birthday was actually ruined due to the whim of her SIL. According to people, it’s Vicky who should sincerely apologize to the OP for ruining her celebration – and along with her, the parents and brother.
Many people point out that it was the OP’s birthday anyway and it should have been about her celebration. In fact, as the commenters say, Vicky just deliberately lied in order to attend a restaurant she likes, and the OP’s brother went along. In any case, according to the commenters, the OP’s family should be way more supportive.
However, relatives, unfortunately, often do not act as they should, but as they want. The best proof of this is our post about a relative who demanded that their niece reschedule her own wedding ceremony just because the chosen day did not suit them. Or maybe this story about a sister who tried to make her brothers babysit her three kids. Be that as it may, we are very interested in your opinion about this story, so feel free to write it in the comments.
I could have understand if it was somebody really close to the OP, like her best friend or a beloved grandmother, and even in this case, I'm sure, it would be possible to find a compromise instead of completely disregarding all the birthday girl's wishes. But changing all the plans just because the brother's fiancee can't go? Let her not go then. I doubt she cares about OP's birthday, or that OP really wanted her to be present.
That's horrible her parents call her the "R" word. They have been minimizing and silencing her and her needs her whole life instead of respecting her needs. Her parents need counselling and education.
They need a f*****g punch upside the head to knock some sense into them.
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She hates the smell of seafood, but she's eating one of the funkiest-smelling things to come out of the ocean?
RIGHT??? I was going to say, the smell from the cans makes me gag more than smelling seafood at a restaurant.
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Why do some parents worship their son's girlfriends and sh!t on their own daughters? NTA OP. You deserve way better. Hope you and your BF can go to that seafood place by yourselves! Happy (belated) Birthday!
Cause they're the ones to deal with the sin now and leave them out of their nonsense? Idk
Load More Replies... I hate the smell of seafood. I can't stand looking at shrimp because it makes me gag. So what do I do when I go to a Chinese restaurant? I order sesame chicken or teriyaki beef. And the aroma is SO pleasant and the food so delicious that I fail to notice when someone else at the table orders shrimp or some kind of seafood. Brothet's fiancee can eff right off with her nonsense.
Birthdays are supposed to be about showing you appreciate their existence. OP's family was doing a very poor job of that.
Right?? I've been to plenty of restaurants, that I would never go to personally, for the birthday person. There's ALWAYS something I can find to eat. I'm there for THEM. To hell with my quesiness and pickiness.
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Wow, lovely family OP has there...brother's fiancée who lies about allergies to get out of going somewhere, brother who seemingly facilitates those lies, and family who decide the solution is for OP to have her birthday meal at a restaurant where due to OP's own food issues she has to bring in snacks to have something to enjoy, then chastise her for feeling her birthday was ruined, not to mention call her offensive names rather than accept her autism?!? And why, unless they live in a small town or something, wasn't there another restaurant they could have gone to instead? Why did the fiancée's attendance mean more to OP's family than OP's happiness on her 18th? Why, if they couldn't go elsewhere, rather than OP have a bad birthday, couldn't they have ordered a selection of takeaways to satisfy everyone? Why, unless OP said a lot more than is mentioned in the post, should she apologise to her brother's lying fiancée.
So Vicky just cannot stand the smell, but autistic kid has to adjust to her, even when its his B-day. WTF?
What is the R-word her family called her by instead of saying autistic? I can't think of a word that fits it
R*tarted: old medical term now is basically a slur.
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She should post this Reddit thread to their social media accounts so everyone they know can see how they behaved.
If there was a day a kid should be allowed to be selfish, its their birthday. It's a celebration centered around them, about them and should be catered to them.
I doubt that family has ever celebrated their daughter. So awful.
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I have a severe raw onion allergy. The smell alone gives me a headache, my lungs tighten, and my face itches. It's actually the sulphur but that's not important. I do not expect the rest of the world to never eat onions around me, I don't expect to go to a restaurant & tell them to not use onions. The OP has a s**t family & her future SIL is an entitled b***h.
the smell of cooked fish makes me nauseous. the right thing for the SIL to do was to say she can't go to the restaurant, but she'd love to meet up somewhere before or after dinner to celebrate. birthday person gets to pick the restaurant!
I'm similar to this Vicky creature in that I have no issues eating fish - I just can't stand the smell of prawns or seafood in a market. That being said, I could definitely sit through a dinner where others order prawns - it won't kill me. Vicky's actions were completely unwarranted.
Girl, stop living with your parents because they, your brother and his GF are all AH. Nobody is respecting you.
sounds like the sil is going to be a pain in the butt for her in the future and her immediate family sound like idiots. referring to her as sensitive, fussy or the "r' word is despicable. i have an autistic son and i understand the texture thing. i also have/had a few family members that didn't seem capable of understanding that he did have autism because he is high functioning. if she is able to be independent then perhaps she should consider living on her own if she has graduated high school (she's 18 so it's hard to tell).
People who lie about food allergies / intolerance are the worst. As someone who suspects they may be on the spectrum, and also has some fairly severe food texture / flavour issues... I can totally understand why she was so upset. It's not about being 'picky', it's being able to eat without constantly gagging and feeling like you're going to be sick. .... all because the fiance of the brother decided she didn't feel like eating at a Chinese place since she might stink after. Suck it up! The family all need to apologize to OP and stop being so horrible.
We eat at Chinese restaurants, thai, Japanese and Korean restaurants, but I don't smell shrimp unless I order shrimp which I don't like the smell of. OP should have ordered shrimp scampi at the Italian restaurant.
Vicky was jealous of the attention you were getting for your birthday. She was looking for a way to make it about her.
As someone with a legitimate allergy this makes me mad, I go out of my way to ensure my allergy doesn't effect others, SIL is just selfish.
Here’s the deal…I’m the same way. I DETEST the smell of any and all seafood. I’m frustrated by this because I would love to love it. But I don’t. And I have tons of friends that love it and on Christmas Eve my family has a 60+ year long tradition of having crab. They know I can’t stand the smell so they make other things and have candles burning and I go upstairs while it’s cooking (worst time for me). This way I don’t interfere with the tradition and love of seafood and I am accommodated to the best of their ability. You compromise for the ones you love. (But if I had a real medical allergy you bet your boots my family would stamp out that tradition right quick)
That family sucks. The fiancee is an attention-grabber, a liar and the AH and so are they. Plus, calling their own child a R?!?! They need to face the fact that their daughter is autistic which it certainly doesn't seem that they have. The OP should have another party, with her bf and his family with Chinese food. In fact, she should divorce her family and adopt the bf's since they are the ones who treat her as family. (I have been trying very hard not to use cuss words on the whole &*($^&!! family.)
So when OP says that Vicky "said she couldn't go," is that code for, "Threw a gigantic temper-tantrum and insisted that the party be moved to suit her"? Because if it *isn't**, then she isn't the AH here--all she did was make up a lie to try to get out of going to her future SIL's birthday party. (Which is, obviously, not *stellar* behavior, but I kind of get a vibe like OP and Vicky already didn't get along all that well before this incident.) The actual AH is whoever decided to rearrange the OP's birthday celebration around that lie, instead of just telling Vicky, "Okay, hope to see you at the next gathering! We'll be sure to pick a restaurant you like when the celebration is about you." That *could've* been Vicky, I guess, but it kind of sounds more like it was someone in the OP's family, and she just finds it easier to blame Vicky.
one doesn't like certain food smells and one doesn't like certain food textures. seems like you would both understand where the other is coming from
She is not one of your best friends or lovely ones. Obviously she was not interested to come and join your party. Why do you even bother? Just forget it darling.
Honestly, she deserves so much better than this family has ever offered her. I truly hope OP will find happiness and appreciation in her life. I also hope her self-esteem will suffer from the horrible way her parents treat her. Please be happy and find your own way away from toxicity, they may be family, but they do not care for your needs and you don't need to care for theirs then.
Fiancee acted like a toddler not wanting to smell any seafood, going as far to make up an allergy for her future sister-in-law's milestone birthday. OP could have rubbed the stinky tuna into her sofa and fiancee still doesn't deserve an apology.
Load More Replies... I could have understand if it was somebody really close to the OP, like her best friend or a beloved grandmother, and even in this case, I'm sure, it would be possible to find a compromise instead of completely disregarding all the birthday girl's wishes. But changing all the plans just because the brother's fiancee can't go? Let her not go then. I doubt she cares about OP's birthday, or that OP really wanted her to be present.
That's horrible her parents call her the "R" word. They have been minimizing and silencing her and her needs her whole life instead of respecting her needs. Her parents need counselling and education.
They need a f*****g punch upside the head to knock some sense into them.
Load More Replies... She hates the smell of seafood, but she's eating one of the funkiest-smelling things to come out of the ocean?
RIGHT??? I was going to say, the smell from the cans makes me gag more than smelling seafood at a restaurant.
Load More Replies... Why do some parents worship their son's girlfriends and sh!t on their own daughters? NTA OP. You deserve way better. Hope you and your BF can go to that seafood place by yourselves! Happy (belated) Birthday!
Cause they're the ones to deal with the sin now and leave them out of their nonsense? Idk
Load More Replies... I hate the smell of seafood. I can't stand looking at shrimp because it makes me gag. So what do I do when I go to a Chinese restaurant? I order sesame chicken or teriyaki beef. And the aroma is SO pleasant and the food so delicious that I fail to notice when someone else at the table orders shrimp or some kind of seafood. Brothet's fiancee can eff right off with her nonsense.
Birthdays are supposed to be about showing you appreciate their existence. OP's family was doing a very poor job of that.
Right?? I've been to plenty of restaurants, that I would never go to personally, for the birthday person. There's ALWAYS something I can find to eat. I'm there for THEM. To hell with my quesiness and pickiness.
Load More Replies... Wow, lovely family OP has there...brother's fiancée who lies about allergies to get out of going somewhere, brother who seemingly facilitates those lies, and family who decide the solution is for OP to have her birthday meal at a restaurant where due to OP's own food issues she has to bring in snacks to have something to enjoy, then chastise her for feeling her birthday was ruined, not to mention call her offensive names rather than accept her autism?!? And why, unless they live in a small town or something, wasn't there another restaurant they could have gone to instead? Why did the fiancée's attendance mean more to OP's family than OP's happiness on her 18th? Why, if they couldn't go elsewhere, rather than OP have a bad birthday, couldn't they have ordered a selection of takeaways to satisfy everyone? Why, unless OP said a lot more than is mentioned in the post, should she apologise to her brother's lying fiancée.
So Vicky just cannot stand the smell, but autistic kid has to adjust to her, even when its his B-day. WTF?
What is the R-word her family called her by instead of saying autistic? I can't think of a word that fits it
R*tarted: old medical term now is basically a slur.
Load More Replies... She should post this Reddit thread to their social media accounts so everyone they know can see how they behaved.
If there was a day a kid should be allowed to be selfish, its their birthday. It's a celebration centered around them, about them and should be catered to them.
I doubt that family has ever celebrated their daughter. So awful.
Load More Replies... I have a severe raw onion allergy. The smell alone gives me a headache, my lungs tighten, and my face itches. It's actually the sulphur but that's not important. I do not expect the rest of the world to never eat onions around me, I don't expect to go to a restaurant & tell them to not use onions. The OP has a s**t family & her future SIL is an entitled b***h.
the smell of cooked fish makes me nauseous. the right thing for the SIL to do was to say she can't go to the restaurant, but she'd love to meet up somewhere before or after dinner to celebrate. birthday person gets to pick the restaurant!
I'm similar to this Vicky creature in that I have no issues eating fish - I just can't stand the smell of prawns or seafood in a market. That being said, I could definitely sit through a dinner where others order prawns - it won't kill me. Vicky's actions were completely unwarranted.
Girl, stop living with your parents because they, your brother and his GF are all AH. Nobody is respecting you.
sounds like the sil is going to be a pain in the butt for her in the future and her immediate family sound like idiots. referring to her as sensitive, fussy or the "r' word is despicable. i have an autistic son and i understand the texture thing. i also have/had a few family members that didn't seem capable of understanding that he did have autism because he is high functioning. if she is able to be independent then perhaps she should consider living on her own if she has graduated high school (she's 18 so it's hard to tell).
People who lie about food allergies / intolerance are the worst. As someone who suspects they may be on the spectrum, and also has some fairly severe food texture / flavour issues... I can totally understand why she was so upset. It's not about being 'picky', it's being able to eat without constantly gagging and feeling like you're going to be sick. .... all because the fiance of the brother decided she didn't feel like eating at a Chinese place since she might stink after. Suck it up! The family all need to apologize to OP and stop being so horrible.
We eat at Chinese restaurants, thai, Japanese and Korean restaurants, but I don't smell shrimp unless I order shrimp which I don't like the smell of. OP should have ordered shrimp scampi at the Italian restaurant.
Vicky was jealous of the attention you were getting for your birthday. She was looking for a way to make it about her.
As someone with a legitimate allergy this makes me mad, I go out of my way to ensure my allergy doesn't effect others, SIL is just selfish.
Here’s the deal…I’m the same way. I DETEST the smell of any and all seafood. I’m frustrated by this because I would love to love it. But I don’t. And I have tons of friends that love it and on Christmas Eve my family has a 60+ year long tradition of having crab. They know I can’t stand the smell so they make other things and have candles burning and I go upstairs while it’s cooking (worst time for me). This way I don’t interfere with the tradition and love of seafood and I am accommodated to the best of their ability. You compromise for the ones you love. (But if I had a real medical allergy you bet your boots my family would stamp out that tradition right quick)
That family sucks. The fiancee is an attention-grabber, a liar and the AH and so are they. Plus, calling their own child a R?!?! They need to face the fact that their daughter is autistic which it certainly doesn't seem that they have. The OP should have another party, with her bf and his family with Chinese food. In fact, she should divorce her family and adopt the bf's since they are the ones who treat her as family. (I have been trying very hard not to use cuss words on the whole &*($^&!! family.)
So when OP says that Vicky "said she couldn't go," is that code for, "Threw a gigantic temper-tantrum and insisted that the party be moved to suit her"? Because if it *isn't**, then she isn't the AH here--all she did was make up a lie to try to get out of going to her future SIL's birthday party. (Which is, obviously, not *stellar* behavior, but I kind of get a vibe like OP and Vicky already didn't get along all that well before this incident.) The actual AH is whoever decided to rearrange the OP's birthday celebration around that lie, instead of just telling Vicky, "Okay, hope to see you at the next gathering! We'll be sure to pick a restaurant you like when the celebration is about you." That *could've* been Vicky, I guess, but it kind of sounds more like it was someone in the OP's family, and she just finds it easier to blame Vicky.
one doesn't like certain food smells and one doesn't like certain food textures. seems like you would both understand where the other is coming from
She is not one of your best friends or lovely ones. Obviously she was not interested to come and join your party. Why do you even bother? Just forget it darling.
Honestly, she deserves so much better than this family has ever offered her. I truly hope OP will find happiness and appreciation in her life. I also hope her self-esteem will suffer from the horrible way her parents treat her. Please be happy and find your own way away from toxicity, they may be family, but they do not care for your needs and you don't need to care for theirs then.
Fiancee acted like a toddler not wanting to smell any seafood, going as far to make up an allergy for her future sister-in-law's milestone birthday. OP could have rubbed the stinky tuna into her sofa and fiancee still doesn't deserve an apology.
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