Woman Writes A Detailed Plan For Anyone Who’s Trying To Escape An Abusive Partner
Flip through any women’s magazine and you can find a multitude of articles on how to ‘spice up’ your relationship, ‘please your partner,’ or even get into a relationship – but what is less common is reading about how to get out of a relationship. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, “On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.”
Abusive behavior can begin with signs such as name-calling, threats, possessiveness, or distrust and gradually grow into physical violence. These situations can be difficult and life-threatening to get out of, so one woman posted some advice online.
1 in 4 women in the U.S experience severe intimate partner physical violence – someone online shared a safety escape plan
Image credits: iStock / SolStock (not the actual photo)
On Facebook, one user ‘Maddie’ shared a step-by-step guide for anyone who had questions on if and how they should leave their abusive partner. The safety plan was broken down into sections such as finances, possessions, housing, family and work. In the plan, it focused on how to go off the grid, as 60.8% of female stalking victims in the U.S reported being stalked by a current or former intimate partner.
A Facebook user by the name of ‘Maddie’ wrote step-by-step instructions on how to leave an abusive partner and start over with financial, work, and housing advice
Domestic abuse appears in many forms and abusers may try to convince the person they are abusing that their behavior is coming from a place of love. Before physical abuse occurs or during it is important to be aware of the signs. According to NCADV abusive tendencies can include the following:
Isolating the victim financially by taking their money or refusing to give them money for their expenses. Controlling how all of the money in the household is spent. Interferring in the victims work life by preventing them from going to work, harassing them at their workplace or keeping them up all night so they perform badly.
Another sign is negatively affecting their relationships with other people, including friends and family. They might discourage the victim from seeing their friends and family members, tell them they are a bad parent and threaten to take away or hurt their children. If they do allow the victim to spend time with other’s they might display signs of jealousy and dictate who and when you can see others.
Chiping away at self-esteem is another technique abusers use to control their victims. This can include shaming or embarassing them with put-downs, dictating their physical appearance, and telling them they can never do anything right.
Physical abuse can harm a person’s health in more than one way. Abusers may force their partner to have sex with others, sabotage their birth control or refuse to use protection, pressure them to use drugs or alcohol or forcing them to have sex with the abuser when they don’t want to. Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner.11
People in the comments added more advice to the guide
243Kviews
Share on FacebookWhen I finally mustered up enough courage to leave, I had a game plan. It took approximately 6 months to get everything done. I send my clothes to my parents' home. I stole from my psycho ex bf. Anything that I knew he wouldn't miss like old cell phones and pagers (this was in the 90s when I left and in the USA). I opened up a new bank account via phone when he wasn't around in the state I was planning on moving to and I deposited all of my money there via mail. I informed the police, the dmv (it was legally my car), the cell phone company, and anyone else I could think of at the time. My biggest mistake was telling our neighbors who were friends who swore they wouldn't say a word-they lied! My job was really supportive of me as well. When he found me states away, I simply reminded him that I still knew a lot of people where I was going and there was a lot of dessert. They had shovels and no one would really miss him! Haven't heard from him since! Hang in there, it can be done! <3
You are amazing! Well done for getting away AND standing up to him! You are so strong! I respect you so much. <3
Load More Replies...One thing I heard was to never post/share somebody looking for somebody that is "missing". A lot of times an abuser will post on social media saying that so and so is missing and track them down this way. Only share "missing" posts if they're accompanied by a phone number to emergency services or put out by the police themselves. As much as you want to help "find" somebody that is "missing", they might not want to be found. Please think twice about sharing this kind of stuff on FB.
Thank you Adam. I truly hadn't thought about that and I shared a "missing" post this morning. I will be a lot more circumspect in future.
Load More Replies...Photos is not something you need to bring, if they aren't digital, just take pictures of them and post online, like on photobucket in a private album. And in many countries, if you have a dog, call the kennel club and make any information they have on your dog private. The same if you have any registered animals in any club.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: (point to follow, as there are many).... (EDIT: these are from direct experience, either for myself trying to get out, or when helping friends to get out. This, is for both males and females leaving a DV situation. The DV perpertrator was either sexual partners, family members, or flatmates)
11. do NOT rely on the charities to follow-through with their offers of action. The number of times I heard staff saying they "forgot" to follow through with offers of help, was horrendous. FOLLOW UP with them!!! Confirm WHEN they will let you know - day and time. Call them back within 1 hr of that deadline. If they can't give you a deadline, assume nothing will happen, because your safety is more important than politely waiting for them and hearing nothing.
Load More Replies...I am concerned about revealing aaaallll of this for everyone to read - including abusers... They will now know what to look out for. :-/
I understand your fear but think about this: how many banks are there typically in a town or even surrounding towns? Quite a few, so he would have to search all of them and 10 to 1, none of them will reveal if she/he has a new acct. Another thing, look around at all the things pointed out like housing. There are bunches of apartment companies as well as places like families where one can stay. Sure the abusers have information but that doesn't mean they will find their victims. Make sense?
Load More Replies...I can not believe that people have to think in all this kind of plans, like a movie, "all have to be well planned”, instead of live with peace, this abusers have to pay! They stole time, peace from those inocents, I am so proud for this woman, she deserves all the respect, shes brave!
but you normally do need an escape plan. Leaving an abusive person is TERRIFYING and if you dont plan it out correctly it can go very south . Kudos to this woman for the list!
Load More Replies...I stole his car while he was out copping crack. Left with my baby and everything I could pack in a 1982 Celica.
That last comment is VERY important. Women can abuse men as well. Of course, like male rape, it doesn't get the attention that it should. But it's very real. Men are very reluctant to admit it, because, you know, society judges. No one deserves to be abused. I was abused emotionally and physically as a child, as a young bride, after 25 yrs. of marriage got a divorce. Hardest thing I ever did, but it was worth it.
Good information from Women's Aid in the U.K. about how to cover your tracks online: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/cover-your-tracks-online/
Assuming the abused person wants to leave. . . is is good advise. If the person does not want to leave and brain washed probably won't work
as with everything in life - we must want the change first, before the change can happen. Let's hope that all those who are not willing to accept the DV situation & WANT to get out, are able to. Sadly, I've known many people within my life (from childhood, onwards), whose identity is more tied to appeasing the abuser, than their identity is tied to their safety, or the safety of their children. Horrendous - but sadly, very true.
Load More Replies...MOST POWERFUL AND HONEST INDA SPELL CASTER ONLINE , THANKS DR LARRY FOR YOUR PERFECT LOVE SPELL nakarasolutionshome77@gmail.com i want to testify to the general public how my relationship was restored back by the great power's of Dr Nakra after six months of loneliness, my ex-lover came back to me after my contact with Dr Nakara that he want us to come back and start a good home, now we are happily together again as lovers. All thanks to Dr Nakara who did a love spell for me for my ex lover to return home. I will keep sharing this until people who also need help see this for his wonderful help. You can contact him via email nakarasolutionshome77@gmail.com///
Need A Real Online Love Spell Caster Help To Brings Back Ex Lover: Wife, Husband, Girlfriend And Boyfriend To Love And Commit To Only You Forever?? Contact Dr Amigo, Whatsapp/Call +2349058764985. or GOOGLE "DR AMIGO ONLINE LOVE SPELL CASTER" TO REVIEW HIS ARTICLES
This is a testimony that I will tell to everyone to hear. i have been married for 3 years and on the fourth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr. Ogedegbe have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in this similar situation to meet with this man and have your lover back to your self, His email: dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com or you can also contact him or whatsapp him on this +2348109374702 thank so much Dr OGEDEGBE for saving my marriage......
This is a testimony that I will tell to everyone to hear. i have been married for 3 years and on the fourth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr. Ogedegbe have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in this similar situation to meet with this man and have your lover back to your self, His email: dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com or you can also contact him or whatsapp him on this +2348109374702 thank so much Dr OGEDEGBE for saving my marriage.
I am not in a situation that's normal or safe, like this is a phone with him cloning it etc and I will never believe there's a way out of the way of anyone being able to get to me bc this is America so why is it so hard to feel safe and be where I can be safe and know it. Where can a victim get actually free and never be in possible harms way again , where how and why is this town so full of nothing but a lot of abusers, BECAUSE I'M IN FARGO ND AND MOORHEAD MN. EVEN THE COPS AND THE SHELTERS AND ALL THE WOMEN ARE ABUSING AND VICTIMIZING ME AND IM TOLD THIS IS IT AND WHAT CAN I DO WHERE CAN I GO AND HOW. IM HANNAH DESAMILLE BLANKENSHIP AND MY MAIDEN NAME IS JOHNSON AND I NEED A MESSAGE TO THE PRESIDENT OR CLOSE
My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 21. We’ve been through a lot emotionally together. There were several HUGE fights and painful situations in our marriage, but we always seemed to come out stronger on the other side. Out of the blue my husband just sprung the divorce talk on me, I was totally depressed until I found the Dr.Todd website online and I ordered a Love spell. You won’t believe my husband called me at the exact time this spell caster finished his spell work in 24hours. I was totally amazed! He is wonderful and his spells work so fast. His contact: manifestspellcast@gmail.com https://manifestspellcast.wordpress.com https://www.facebook.com/Manifest-Spell-Cast-102179992108255 WhatsApp:+254755813540
My husband left me and our 2 kids for another woman for 3 years. I tried to be strong just for my kids but I could not control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed help, so I did some research on the internet and came across a site where I saw that Dr. Paul, a spell caster, can help get lovers back. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprise, after some days, my husband came back home. That was how we reunited again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family. You can as well contact Dr. Paul , a powerful spell-caster for solutions on his contact email astoriashrine @ gmail.com or directly on whatsapp +27679901055
My situation is different. I'm make who is being abused by his wife. She has severe Borderline Personality Disorder and is being more unstable and paranoid. She is violent and a threat to her disabled family member who lives with us. This family member and I are taking all the steps detailed in this post and are reaching out to our community for help. My partner has been in therapy DBT for years and it has not helped. Some people with BPD do not respond to treatment. I had hope but now that my safety and the safety of my relatives is at stake it's the to leave. My partner admits to having a history of stalking former partners and family members in the past so we've been lying like crazy about job opportunities in locations that we will not be fleeing to that way we can't be tracked when it's time to go. My partner now believes that I got a work promotion and that the family will be moving in a few months. They are helping us pack our things which means I don't have to sneak around.
Sorry for typos. I'm very nervous. She is helping me pack things so I don't have to do it covertly. I am trying to find storage with workmates. I just want to let men know that spousal abuse of men is a thing and I have endured 2 decades of it and might have stayed but when she threatened her disabled relative that was the final straw. I am in counseling and my counselor has been helping me to mentally prepare. Internet counseling has been a blessing and has allowed me to get help. Wen with BPD can become very violent and unstable over time. Paranoia is a trait of the disorder and a fear of abandonment might make an abuser change their behavior for brief periods but it never last and the behaviour returns with a vengeance. I hope my words help someone who is dealing with a person with a BPD to realize they have a right to be safe and to be loved and not abused. I had an abusive mother growing up so it was sadly familiar and easy to be drawn to my partner. Thank you. Be safe.
Load More Replies...The spell caster that restored my marriage after my husband left me, you can contact him for any help lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or whatsapp him +1(234)-307-0752
Why is every article on relationship abuse only about physical abuse? This is perpetuating the misinformation that emotional and mental and financial abuse aren’t just as traumatizing. Physical abuse isn’t the only form of abuse.
I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met two weeks ago, wisdomspiritualtemple@gmail.com I cannot say everything he has done for me my wife left me 3 years ago left with my kids I was going through online when I meant this wonderful man's testimony online I decided to give it a try and my wife is back to me now and we ar1e happily married again cause is too much to put in writing all I can say is thank you very much am very happy .and does alot of spell including Love Spell Death Spell Money Spell Power Spell Success Spell Sickness Spell Pregnancy Spell Marriage Spell Job Spell Protection Spell Lottery Spell Court Case Spell Luck Spell etc. In case you need his help contact him on this email address wisdomspiritualtemple@gmail.com he is a good man thanks.whatsapp number +234813 648 2342
I need help getting out I have a 10 year old I live in CT I don’t work my family can’t help
I need help getting out I don’t work I have no income I live in CT and it’s time to get out my family can’t help and I’m stuck I don’t know what to do plus I have my 10 year old with me
thanks for this articles It was a miracle when priest Kala help me reconcile my broken marriage back in the next seven days, here is his info. (((Lovetemple0001))))@gmail.)))com)))) and WhatsApp +((1631))5764))315 )just in case you have similar issues, capable of solving any all kind life problem etc
Under banking advise it states CBA gives $1K to escape....what is CBA?
This is really bad advice. The things you're suggesting that I could have done (bank account, bank card) would have got me killed. He tried to kill me anyway but if he found a bank card or stash of cash? Yeah I'd be dead.
In reading this, I found one circumstance that isn't covered here. When I was planning on leaving I did all of these things with the help of a very courageous woman, my best friend. I had no one else left. When the day came to leave, I had taken the day off and everything was a go until he walked through the door. He was scheduled to work that day and still to this day I don't know how he knew or if he didn't know, why he came home. I was all alone. He beat me to an inch of my life. I'm not sure what happened to my friend, I think he must of threatened to her. I never did find out what exactly happened. I'm not sure what I could of done differently or better.
My lawyer advised me to write down all of the abusive incidents and refer to the list every time I was tempted to return to my abuser. It worked. I didn't go back.
Something very important. As soon as possible, get a PO box and one by one, change your address on any correspondence to the PO Box. DO NOT fill out a change of address. The post office will send verification the spouse may see, tipping them off. It takes longer but it's imperative to be happy happy happy, gone. As mail comes in with your name only on it, change the address singly for each and every one. Keep everyone on a need to know basis. Our friends are our friends but they are flawed and some are too sensitive to even deal with the info. Been there. Not there anymore. It took me years. SO many delays but it finally all came together.
Tell the police you're leaving? In the US, that's just ridiculous, at least in a big city. They are going to laugh and ask what you expect them to do. I went to the police to try to press charges against someone who was harassing and stalking me. From what I read of my state's statutes, he'd broken several laws. The officer at the front just asked a couple of casual questions, and stalking is hard thing to summarize. He told me the solution was for me to "get a better boyfriend".
I had no game plan when and I left and I lost so many of my things. I wish I had known about this then but I'm happy now, happier then I ever that possible. I can replace things.
Sorry didn't finish I meant to say this post is really useful for people in this situation
Load More Replies...Yes, planning is necessary. You can't solely rely on the police or organizations, because you don't have time to wait through the system. They only have so many resources available, and it's easier to get back on your feet if you have your ducks in line first. Of course, if someone feels threatened for their life, planning isn't an option.
Load More Replies...I am a man and not aggressive or violent, it's not in our genes yes we have a testosterone but many, many men are not like this, i love my wife, my mother, my 5 sisters, my gran, not taking anything away from this but we are not all evil, cruel, spineless, violent psychopaths.
Load More Replies...You'd be surprised. Keep in mind that does just mean at some point, and maybe even for just a short amount of time.
Load More Replies...When I finally mustered up enough courage to leave, I had a game plan. It took approximately 6 months to get everything done. I send my clothes to my parents' home. I stole from my psycho ex bf. Anything that I knew he wouldn't miss like old cell phones and pagers (this was in the 90s when I left and in the USA). I opened up a new bank account via phone when he wasn't around in the state I was planning on moving to and I deposited all of my money there via mail. I informed the police, the dmv (it was legally my car), the cell phone company, and anyone else I could think of at the time. My biggest mistake was telling our neighbors who were friends who swore they wouldn't say a word-they lied! My job was really supportive of me as well. When he found me states away, I simply reminded him that I still knew a lot of people where I was going and there was a lot of dessert. They had shovels and no one would really miss him! Haven't heard from him since! Hang in there, it can be done! <3
You are amazing! Well done for getting away AND standing up to him! You are so strong! I respect you so much. <3
Load More Replies...One thing I heard was to never post/share somebody looking for somebody that is "missing". A lot of times an abuser will post on social media saying that so and so is missing and track them down this way. Only share "missing" posts if they're accompanied by a phone number to emergency services or put out by the police themselves. As much as you want to help "find" somebody that is "missing", they might not want to be found. Please think twice about sharing this kind of stuff on FB.
Thank you Adam. I truly hadn't thought about that and I shared a "missing" post this morning. I will be a lot more circumspect in future.
Load More Replies...Photos is not something you need to bring, if they aren't digital, just take pictures of them and post online, like on photobucket in a private album. And in many countries, if you have a dog, call the kennel club and make any information they have on your dog private. The same if you have any registered animals in any club.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: (point to follow, as there are many).... (EDIT: these are from direct experience, either for myself trying to get out, or when helping friends to get out. This, is for both males and females leaving a DV situation. The DV perpertrator was either sexual partners, family members, or flatmates)
11. do NOT rely on the charities to follow-through with their offers of action. The number of times I heard staff saying they "forgot" to follow through with offers of help, was horrendous. FOLLOW UP with them!!! Confirm WHEN they will let you know - day and time. Call them back within 1 hr of that deadline. If they can't give you a deadline, assume nothing will happen, because your safety is more important than politely waiting for them and hearing nothing.
Load More Replies...I am concerned about revealing aaaallll of this for everyone to read - including abusers... They will now know what to look out for. :-/
I understand your fear but think about this: how many banks are there typically in a town or even surrounding towns? Quite a few, so he would have to search all of them and 10 to 1, none of them will reveal if she/he has a new acct. Another thing, look around at all the things pointed out like housing. There are bunches of apartment companies as well as places like families where one can stay. Sure the abusers have information but that doesn't mean they will find their victims. Make sense?
Load More Replies...I can not believe that people have to think in all this kind of plans, like a movie, "all have to be well planned”, instead of live with peace, this abusers have to pay! They stole time, peace from those inocents, I am so proud for this woman, she deserves all the respect, shes brave!
but you normally do need an escape plan. Leaving an abusive person is TERRIFYING and if you dont plan it out correctly it can go very south . Kudos to this woman for the list!
Load More Replies...I stole his car while he was out copping crack. Left with my baby and everything I could pack in a 1982 Celica.
That last comment is VERY important. Women can abuse men as well. Of course, like male rape, it doesn't get the attention that it should. But it's very real. Men are very reluctant to admit it, because, you know, society judges. No one deserves to be abused. I was abused emotionally and physically as a child, as a young bride, after 25 yrs. of marriage got a divorce. Hardest thing I ever did, but it was worth it.
Good information from Women's Aid in the U.K. about how to cover your tracks online: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/cover-your-tracks-online/
Assuming the abused person wants to leave. . . is is good advise. If the person does not want to leave and brain washed probably won't work
as with everything in life - we must want the change first, before the change can happen. Let's hope that all those who are not willing to accept the DV situation & WANT to get out, are able to. Sadly, I've known many people within my life (from childhood, onwards), whose identity is more tied to appeasing the abuser, than their identity is tied to their safety, or the safety of their children. Horrendous - but sadly, very true.
Load More Replies...MOST POWERFUL AND HONEST INDA SPELL CASTER ONLINE , THANKS DR LARRY FOR YOUR PERFECT LOVE SPELL nakarasolutionshome77@gmail.com i want to testify to the general public how my relationship was restored back by the great power's of Dr Nakra after six months of loneliness, my ex-lover came back to me after my contact with Dr Nakara that he want us to come back and start a good home, now we are happily together again as lovers. All thanks to Dr Nakara who did a love spell for me for my ex lover to return home. I will keep sharing this until people who also need help see this for his wonderful help. You can contact him via email nakarasolutionshome77@gmail.com///
Need A Real Online Love Spell Caster Help To Brings Back Ex Lover: Wife, Husband, Girlfriend And Boyfriend To Love And Commit To Only You Forever?? Contact Dr Amigo, Whatsapp/Call +2349058764985. or GOOGLE "DR AMIGO ONLINE LOVE SPELL CASTER" TO REVIEW HIS ARTICLES
This is a testimony that I will tell to everyone to hear. i have been married for 3 years and on the fourth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr. Ogedegbe have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in this similar situation to meet with this man and have your lover back to your self, His email: dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com or you can also contact him or whatsapp him on this +2348109374702 thank so much Dr OGEDEGBE for saving my marriage......
This is a testimony that I will tell to everyone to hear. i have been married for 3 years and on the fourth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr. Ogedegbe have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in this similar situation to meet with this man and have your lover back to your self, His email: dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com or you can also contact him or whatsapp him on this +2348109374702 thank so much Dr OGEDEGBE for saving my marriage.
I am not in a situation that's normal or safe, like this is a phone with him cloning it etc and I will never believe there's a way out of the way of anyone being able to get to me bc this is America so why is it so hard to feel safe and be where I can be safe and know it. Where can a victim get actually free and never be in possible harms way again , where how and why is this town so full of nothing but a lot of abusers, BECAUSE I'M IN FARGO ND AND MOORHEAD MN. EVEN THE COPS AND THE SHELTERS AND ALL THE WOMEN ARE ABUSING AND VICTIMIZING ME AND IM TOLD THIS IS IT AND WHAT CAN I DO WHERE CAN I GO AND HOW. IM HANNAH DESAMILLE BLANKENSHIP AND MY MAIDEN NAME IS JOHNSON AND I NEED A MESSAGE TO THE PRESIDENT OR CLOSE
My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 21. We’ve been through a lot emotionally together. There were several HUGE fights and painful situations in our marriage, but we always seemed to come out stronger on the other side. Out of the blue my husband just sprung the divorce talk on me, I was totally depressed until I found the Dr.Todd website online and I ordered a Love spell. You won’t believe my husband called me at the exact time this spell caster finished his spell work in 24hours. I was totally amazed! He is wonderful and his spells work so fast. His contact: manifestspellcast@gmail.com https://manifestspellcast.wordpress.com https://www.facebook.com/Manifest-Spell-Cast-102179992108255 WhatsApp:+254755813540
My husband left me and our 2 kids for another woman for 3 years. I tried to be strong just for my kids but I could not control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed help, so I did some research on the internet and came across a site where I saw that Dr. Paul, a spell caster, can help get lovers back. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprise, after some days, my husband came back home. That was how we reunited again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family. You can as well contact Dr. Paul , a powerful spell-caster for solutions on his contact email astoriashrine @ gmail.com or directly on whatsapp +27679901055
My situation is different. I'm make who is being abused by his wife. She has severe Borderline Personality Disorder and is being more unstable and paranoid. She is violent and a threat to her disabled family member who lives with us. This family member and I are taking all the steps detailed in this post and are reaching out to our community for help. My partner has been in therapy DBT for years and it has not helped. Some people with BPD do not respond to treatment. I had hope but now that my safety and the safety of my relatives is at stake it's the to leave. My partner admits to having a history of stalking former partners and family members in the past so we've been lying like crazy about job opportunities in locations that we will not be fleeing to that way we can't be tracked when it's time to go. My partner now believes that I got a work promotion and that the family will be moving in a few months. They are helping us pack our things which means I don't have to sneak around.
Sorry for typos. I'm very nervous. She is helping me pack things so I don't have to do it covertly. I am trying to find storage with workmates. I just want to let men know that spousal abuse of men is a thing and I have endured 2 decades of it and might have stayed but when she threatened her disabled relative that was the final straw. I am in counseling and my counselor has been helping me to mentally prepare. Internet counseling has been a blessing and has allowed me to get help. Wen with BPD can become very violent and unstable over time. Paranoia is a trait of the disorder and a fear of abandonment might make an abuser change their behavior for brief periods but it never last and the behaviour returns with a vengeance. I hope my words help someone who is dealing with a person with a BPD to realize they have a right to be safe and to be loved and not abused. I had an abusive mother growing up so it was sadly familiar and easy to be drawn to my partner. Thank you. Be safe.
Load More Replies...The spell caster that restored my marriage after my husband left me, you can contact him for any help lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or whatsapp him +1(234)-307-0752
Why is every article on relationship abuse only about physical abuse? This is perpetuating the misinformation that emotional and mental and financial abuse aren’t just as traumatizing. Physical abuse isn’t the only form of abuse.
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I need help getting out I have a 10 year old I live in CT I don’t work my family can’t help
I need help getting out I don’t work I have no income I live in CT and it’s time to get out my family can’t help and I’m stuck I don’t know what to do plus I have my 10 year old with me
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Under banking advise it states CBA gives $1K to escape....what is CBA?
This is really bad advice. The things you're suggesting that I could have done (bank account, bank card) would have got me killed. He tried to kill me anyway but if he found a bank card or stash of cash? Yeah I'd be dead.
In reading this, I found one circumstance that isn't covered here. When I was planning on leaving I did all of these things with the help of a very courageous woman, my best friend. I had no one else left. When the day came to leave, I had taken the day off and everything was a go until he walked through the door. He was scheduled to work that day and still to this day I don't know how he knew or if he didn't know, why he came home. I was all alone. He beat me to an inch of my life. I'm not sure what happened to my friend, I think he must of threatened to her. I never did find out what exactly happened. I'm not sure what I could of done differently or better.
My lawyer advised me to write down all of the abusive incidents and refer to the list every time I was tempted to return to my abuser. It worked. I didn't go back.
Something very important. As soon as possible, get a PO box and one by one, change your address on any correspondence to the PO Box. DO NOT fill out a change of address. The post office will send verification the spouse may see, tipping them off. It takes longer but it's imperative to be happy happy happy, gone. As mail comes in with your name only on it, change the address singly for each and every one. Keep everyone on a need to know basis. Our friends are our friends but they are flawed and some are too sensitive to even deal with the info. Been there. Not there anymore. It took me years. SO many delays but it finally all came together.
Tell the police you're leaving? In the US, that's just ridiculous, at least in a big city. They are going to laugh and ask what you expect them to do. I went to the police to try to press charges against someone who was harassing and stalking me. From what I read of my state's statutes, he'd broken several laws. The officer at the front just asked a couple of casual questions, and stalking is hard thing to summarize. He told me the solution was for me to "get a better boyfriend".
I had no game plan when and I left and I lost so many of my things. I wish I had known about this then but I'm happy now, happier then I ever that possible. I can replace things.
Sorry didn't finish I meant to say this post is really useful for people in this situation
Load More Replies...Yes, planning is necessary. You can't solely rely on the police or organizations, because you don't have time to wait through the system. They only have so many resources available, and it's easier to get back on your feet if you have your ducks in line first. Of course, if someone feels threatened for their life, planning isn't an option.
Load More Replies...I am a man and not aggressive or violent, it's not in our genes yes we have a testosterone but many, many men are not like this, i love my wife, my mother, my 5 sisters, my gran, not taking anything away from this but we are not all evil, cruel, spineless, violent psychopaths.
Load More Replies...You'd be surprised. Keep in mind that does just mean at some point, and maybe even for just a short amount of time.
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