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Guy Asks If He Acted Like A Jerk For Not Moving From A Bench Despite A Woman Saying He Made Her Uncomfortable
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Guy Asks If He Acted Like A Jerk For Not Moving From A Bench Despite A Woman Saying He Made Her Uncomfortable

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Taking public transport alone at night can be scary for women. It’s unfortunate that they can’t feel safe just trying to travel without the fear of a stranger near them and what they might do. Men are also conscious of how women feel in this situation too, and consider their own presence in an attempt to alleviate their concerns.

However, one man on Reddit shared his story of a late-night transit and an encounter with a woman who was unhappy with how “close” he was to her. Explaining his situation and finding it hard to believe what she told him, he asked if he was in the wrong for refusing to move from his spot whilst waiting for a train at night.

Read the story below for all the details.

Image credits: Flickr (not the actual photo)

The discomfort of traveling alone by public transport is a familiar scenario for women, especially at night. The fear of physical or sexual harassment is one of the most jarring feelings involved with what should be a simple journey. Sadly, it’s an ongoing issue that women have to be aware of.

In a paper published by the International Transport Forum, a 2017 report in Ile-de-France found that 39% of all sexual assaults against women took place at train stations. It’s one of the factors that puts women off from using public transport and forces them to make other travel arrangements, such as taking a taxi. However, when there are no other alternatives, public transport can seem like the last resort. It’s something that needs to be resolved to make women safer in traveling in urban areas.

A man on Reddit explains how he was waiting for a train home after finishing work late at night

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However, he’s asked to move away from a woman that feels uncomfortable sharing a bench with him

He refuses and apologizes saying he’s tired after work and just wants to wait for the train

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Feeling frustrated, she swears at him and storms off, leaving him to wonder if he was in the wrong

Image credits: ladyatstop

People understood why she might have said this but explained what they would do in a similar situation

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One solution to address the problem involves looking at the facilities of train stations in cities. According to K. Jane Williams, the Administrator of the Department of Transportation in the US, it’s “clear that the environment around transit infrastructure makes a difference in both actual safety and the perception of safety”. She explained further: “This means, for example, designing infrastructure with adequate lighting and clear sight-lines, and eliminating nooks, corners, and isolated areas that may facilitate assaults.”

There are a number of other measures that can help to reduce crime in public transport stations. The Los Angeles Metro bus system implemented changes to help improve the safety of commuters such as: a greater presence of police and security in public areas, CCTV cameras to document and deter potential criminals, and further training for transit operators to identify and de-escalate difficult situations. As a result, they recorded a 39% decrease in total crime between 2017 and 2018 in their network.

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m2crows avatar
Mike Crow
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand that women can be uncomfortable and concerned about their safety but there are limits. He was exhausted from work, was not talking to her, or flirting or doing anything except sitting on the opposite end of the bench. What else could he do?

samlomb avatar
Samantha Lomb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly nothing. Phone out and headphones on is pretty universal for wanting to be left alone/ not paying attention to other people in public.

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earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like there was something else going on. If she'd really thought he was creepy, she would have never talked to him in the first place. She would have left quietly.

awdudeno avatar
Jane Doe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She confronted him like a smaller dog showing dominance to a bigger dog. "You must leave; I will protect myself!" As a pretty small woman, I have to say, the last thing I would do if I wanted to avoid a dangerous situation is pick a fight with a person who could harm me. This is was just a petty power play.

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samlomb avatar
Samantha Lomb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its a public bench you can't tell someone not to sit because you are uncomfortable. And if she was really uncomfortable she would have moved without making a scene

laurencaswell4 avatar
Lauren Caswell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. She wouldn't have talked to someone like that if they were a threat. He had every right to sit there, and as she's the one with the issue she should move.

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merlinthecat1 avatar
Monika Rhodes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean she was free to stand away from him from the beginning. If she's uncomfortable- she should move, no?

nicholaskraemer avatar
Nicholas Kraemer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trying to start an argument with a person who makes you nervous is a choice, I guess.

lauraedwards avatar
laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people are using the phrase " I'm anxious" as an excuse for everything they don't like. Not everyone, but I have noticed the use increasing for behavior excuses.

piscesmama avatar
PiscesMama
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were scared of someone I wouldn’t engage them, I’d just move…if they followed that is a different story. But she doesn’t have more right to sit because she is female.

mariezellmer avatar
Marie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That woman had issues that had nothing to do with the person who sat at the end of the bench. Some humans are like that (my sister is) but it's not a gender thing if she actually tells you to move... in THIS case it's a control thing. She was selfish and human nature when scared is to run, not confront. He took her mountain.

maswartz226 avatar
maswartz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how this guy pretty much did everything right and still got chewed out by her.

lisabluford avatar
Lisa Bluford
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because that's how predators work? You ask them to move and they do? Just pointing out the absurdity of her even asking him to move. He's a human being with as much right to the bench as her.

laugh avatar
Laugh or not
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was seated in the boarding area of the airport, waiting a few hours for my plane with my cat (plane was delayed due to the weather). One lady came to complain because her kid was allergic and told me I should move. The area was packed, she arrived way after me and nobody knew how long we would be waiting. I told her she could move if she wanted, but I was staying where I was. Nobody forced her to sit close to me. Same here : OP wasn't interacting with her, she is responsible for her feelings.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. That bench isn't her private property, she doesn't get to ask people to leave because she doesn't like them being there. Also, if you actually feel threatened by somebody, why would you deliberately start a conversation with them and draw their attention to you?

scotrutherford avatar
LivingTheDream
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Assuming he is bad or a predator because he is a man? What a misandrist! She may need therapy!

beth_landers avatar
Beth L
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did she think was going to happen on the train, for heaven sake? There's a lot of things I don't do as a female when I'm out by myself. One of the things I don't do is start unnecessary conflict that draws attention to myself. If she needed that much privacy/security bubble, she should have ordered an Uber or a taxi.

tararay13 avatar
Tara Raay
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was probably pissy and wanted to take her s**t out on someone. If she was uncomfortable, she would have moved. Scared women don’t confront, they run. She’s a d**k.

biljanamalesevic avatar
Bilja M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suppose she has bad experience in the past but living in fear that everyone can hurt you is not the answer. And it's not fair to other people. being careful is fine but not at the expense of other person. The man was tired, he did nothing wrong, let him be.

njscrutton avatar
OhForSmegSake
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been the solo female alone at a train station/bus stop when a guy has come along and sat down and yeah, it can be scary. You feel very tense and unsure especially if it's late and there's a long wait. But that's why you watch the guy, check where he's looking, what's his body language saying. Some one who's clearly exhausted and just wants to sit, chill, and wait for the bus/train is no threat to you. Having a go at him is the shitty thing to do

magpiemagoo avatar
Magpie Magoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know the lady's background; maybe she's been attacked in the past, who knows? But her history is her own. No need to project onto a complete stranger. As a female who takes public transportation daily (and gets harassed sometimes), I feel little-to-no sympathy for her. If she truly felt threatened, she should have just gotten up and walked away to begin with, no words exchanged. Her reaction otherwise just smacks of entitlement.

wisenerd avatar
Forced Introvert
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he was a creepy or a bad guy and she talk to him like that she would probably enforce the bad attitude of the creepy guy, luckily it was a good guy in the other side of the bench

deborah_chapman avatar
Deborah Chapman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is sad. She is definitely in the wrong. She probably doesn't know what hard work is. Besides you moving wouldn't have helped her in the least. You could could have ran and overtook her at anytime if you were in a mind to do so. She was just being a hair flipping Karen. You know women who diss you by flipping her long hair at you because she thinks she is better than you. She was being rude and crude. You were definitely in the right.

jadams81985 avatar
J Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perhaps this lady should walk around with a stack of post it notes that she could place around her letting others know where she deems it suitable for them to stand or sit whilst in her presence. If I’m at the train station and someone makes me feel uncomfortable guess what I do? Yes that’s right I move to take myself out of the situation, creating an issue with someone minding their own business only increases the chance of coming to harm

floorcollapse avatar
Jess Lew
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How much sense does it make to initiate a confrontation with a stranger if you're afraid of them hurting you?

cheyenne avatar
Cheyenne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He wasn’t paying her any attention at all. She should have kept her dumb entitled mouth shut.

kayblue avatar
Kay blue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she was that uncomfortable by his presence then she wouldn't have tried to antagonise him by calling him a jackass.

malifacent_4 avatar
Sarah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She sounds pretty entitled to me. If you arent comfortable being around the public when you are alone, you shouldn't leave the house alone. Going to be a pretty rough life if she thinks everyone should only care how SHE feels. Take a cab next time, or don't travel alone. The world is not going to bend for you.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he sat right next to her or kept looking over at her I could understand her paranoia, but she was taking it too far. Always be on your guard, you never know, but male doesn’t equate to predator

zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flag is guys sitting next to you if there is other seating available. Not someone sitting at the far end of the only available bench.

ghougle avatar
Ghougle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact you have to wonder to yourself if you ATA, shows how crazy this world is. Public is just that, public. If she doesn't like it, she has the right to walk away. Freedom

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as you gave her as much space as you could - end of bench, clearly focused on something else, NTA. If there are two benches, and you choose to sit next to the lone woman, that's insensitive. If it happens again, be blunt. "Lady, I don't know you, please leave me alone. There is one bench, and I'm tired, this isn't a come on. I'm sitting as far from you as I can, and I'm clearly not interested, so please respect that and stop harassing me."

tamara-kroonen-1 avatar
Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. This is just an entitled Karen who wants to display control over other peoples behaviour. Nothing less. If she REALLY was THAT uncomfortable, she would be too scared to even talk to you, let alone arguing.

cjucz22 avatar
Christina Uhlir
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop already with those "guy asks if he acted as a jerk..." and all alike asking for approval. They are just for attention.

backatya7 avatar
backatya
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he was rude or in the wrong just because he was a man. A woman could do just as much harm to her by cutting her or shooting her.

sergioebay44 avatar
Sergio Serg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The new world we live in where women think they have special entitlement. She's uncomfortable then move, lady

chrissprucefield avatar
Chris Sprucefield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely NTA - He was minding his own business, and quite frankly, this womans actions were borderline, if not crossing, harassment, as they were as much unwanted by him, and fully initiated by her. She has no "bigger right" in a public space just because she's female, equal rights and all.

faeryiis avatar
Lululoohoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh. NTA. That woman was the asshole. If she was so uncomfortable, she could have easily gotten up to move. He has every right to sit on the opposite side of the bench from her, especially if he wasn't even looking at her, talking to her or whatever else. I am all for women wanting to protect themselves, but she went beyond protecting to entitlement

lynnnoyes avatar
elfin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she didn't like sharing the bench then she had the option to move. You weren't the problem. And her logic also seems faulty. A guy who sits as far from her as he can and then ignores her is unlikely to be a threat. I'd be more worried about one who walked around a lot and was in and out of my sight.

annad avatar
Anna D
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the above comments. If I feel uncomfortable I just move away.

johnbaker avatar
John Baker
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, OP, you are definitely NTA - but Karen certainly is. It isn't your fault or your problem if she feels "uncomfortable."

booksfeedthemind avatar
Donna Leske
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA If he stood up and moved away he could move behind her and thus be in a far better position to *attack*, *spit in her hair*, I dunno, maybe read her phone over her shoulder?

nalasimba avatar
nala simba
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If there are just two people on an empty platform, Karen might as well have asked you leave and come back later! Ridiculous. You should gave ignored her and pretended you were deaf! It's not as if you sat close to her. Standing or sitting, you were "just as dangerous" to this Karen! Just forget it.

tasher50 avatar
Natasha Chinn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The thing that bothers me about this is she wasn’t too uncomfortable to tell him to move and then be rude to him. If he was the type of man to hurt a woman that could have potentially set him off. He had every to sit there and she should have kept her mouth shut and just moved instead of expecting and telling him to move.

it1224 avatar
HelloHolaBonjourNiHao
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all, (30)is is old and your 24? She was hot for you. Think about it, what is she doing all alone in a subway station at night? Where's her husband? Kids? No she's out cruising trying to pick up strangers. She would have never STARTED A CONVERSATION if she was concerned. She's lonely and wanted to get pounded in the stairwell. Sorry, you blew your chance.

nikastrokappe avatar
Nika Strokappe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Woman here. I don't understand, if you do not feel safe, why start pissing someone off? I don't think that will increase your safety. And if someone want to harm you, asking them to move away is not gonna help you either I would guess...

sleepyhead avatar
Anna Lamandau
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds more like the woman is the one who harrased that man.

loverleezack_1 avatar
Stephanie Hewitt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she was really so I uncomfortable she wouldn't have been so bold. Seems like she was looking for a reason to argue

helenajenks57 avatar
Helena Jenks
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a woman but I'd never ask someone to move. He wasn't even close and if he had been I'd have moved. Speaking that way to a stranger is way more dangerous than just sitting there. If he was a nutter it could have escalated things quickly

arobe353 avatar
PixxelDust
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. As a woman myself, I know what it's like to be uncomfortable. But unless she has serious anxiety issues (in which case she wouldn't have said a word) she shouldn't be threatened by the presence of a man who is paying absolutely no attention to her and sitting probably a good 3m away. Using gender and 'being uncomfortable' as an excuse to get her way is the reason other women still have to be genuinely concerned when they're alone in public. Makes me sick to see people doing such downright disrespectful things.

dawn_marie_1 avatar
DM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. As a women, I get the fear but if you were truly minding your own business and started looking at your phone with headphones I think she could have handled it better by getting up right away and moving away not making this his fault or making him the bad guy.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is a situation of a woman using the current cultural environment to unnecessarily and wrongfully impose her will on others. I've no doubt that she has her own little community in which she's telling her side of the story and that this guy was in the process of pulling his pants down so he could rape her. And no, this isn't victim blaming. This is calling a spade a spade.

montgal52 avatar
Carney
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes women are made to fear strange me in empty places, particularly at night. But there is caution and then there is being a b***h and this person took it at least ten feet too far. Unless the guy was really creepy (doesn't sound like it at all), then she was the one in the wrong. Men should know not to approach a strange woman in a place where no one else is around and not to make eye contact, but beyond that, we all have the right to move freely without being harangued for being human and tired. Sitting on a bench well removed from a woman is NOT aggressive, threatening or wrong.

yoelshapiro avatar
Yoel Shapiro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Better to keep it short with entitled people. The first time she asked if you mind going elsewhere you could have answered that you don't mind if she moves. If you feel kind you could add that you'll give her the courtesy of staying in your place so she can feel safe.

kc-milholland avatar
KMill
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - if someone makes me feel uncomfortable (justified or not) I’ll be the one to leave. If someone follows me then I’d speak up, but I’d never just ask someone else to leave.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The level of entitlement here is appalling. It's a public bench firstly. And what does "uncomfortable" even mean? If she is seeing him as a threat, then clearly she is judging him based purely on appearance alone. I grew up being mistaken for a girl a lot and did have encounters with creepy characters but that does not give me the right to boss others around. I just move to another spot in the station when that happened.

betakrankusov avatar
snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they were only two people around she should feel better with someone few meters away. It's not the person you see who attacks you and definitely not the one sitting on the other side of bench as you'd see him standing up if he wanted to try something. It's actually the one person you don't see when noone is around you should worry about.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I am worried about a dude possibly attacking me then I am not going to start a confrontation. If he were going to attack you, then asking him to move is going to accomplish nothing. People are weird so I guess this could have happened, but I have some doubts this is the entire story because nothing about it makes sense.

stevewilson_3 avatar
Steve Wilson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the bench belong to her or was it a public bench? You’re welcome.

kpalp232 avatar
BlahBlahBlackSheepah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really it depends on how long the bench is. If he could reach her from where he was sitting here was too close. He didn't make it sound like this but he didn't not mislt

dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Do you think the issue was she didn't want to sit within six feet of the man because of Covid transmission?

johnlouis avatar
John Louis
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Again, again, again, there are two sides to every story. I know it is probably not possible to hear the woman's side, as it would be difficult to track her down. But still I ask is it responsible for Bored Panda to only print only one side of a conflict?

kathrynhatfield avatar
KatHat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not "one side of a conflict", it's someone asking for advice.

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donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

No harm done, but I do hope he learned something about respecting other people's personal space. Particularly in worrisome places, at night, with women on their own.

mdr_1 avatar
Potato
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dang just how large is your "personal space"? Other people need breathing room.

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m2crows avatar
Mike Crow
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand that women can be uncomfortable and concerned about their safety but there are limits. He was exhausted from work, was not talking to her, or flirting or doing anything except sitting on the opposite end of the bench. What else could he do?

samlomb avatar
Samantha Lomb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly nothing. Phone out and headphones on is pretty universal for wanting to be left alone/ not paying attention to other people in public.

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earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like there was something else going on. If she'd really thought he was creepy, she would have never talked to him in the first place. She would have left quietly.

awdudeno avatar
Jane Doe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She confronted him like a smaller dog showing dominance to a bigger dog. "You must leave; I will protect myself!" As a pretty small woman, I have to say, the last thing I would do if I wanted to avoid a dangerous situation is pick a fight with a person who could harm me. This is was just a petty power play.

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samlomb avatar
Samantha Lomb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its a public bench you can't tell someone not to sit because you are uncomfortable. And if she was really uncomfortable she would have moved without making a scene

laurencaswell4 avatar
Lauren Caswell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. She wouldn't have talked to someone like that if they were a threat. He had every right to sit there, and as she's the one with the issue she should move.

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merlinthecat1 avatar
Monika Rhodes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean she was free to stand away from him from the beginning. If she's uncomfortable- she should move, no?

nicholaskraemer avatar
Nicholas Kraemer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trying to start an argument with a person who makes you nervous is a choice, I guess.

lauraedwards avatar
laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people are using the phrase " I'm anxious" as an excuse for everything they don't like. Not everyone, but I have noticed the use increasing for behavior excuses.

piscesmama avatar
PiscesMama
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were scared of someone I wouldn’t engage them, I’d just move…if they followed that is a different story. But she doesn’t have more right to sit because she is female.

mariezellmer avatar
Marie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That woman had issues that had nothing to do with the person who sat at the end of the bench. Some humans are like that (my sister is) but it's not a gender thing if she actually tells you to move... in THIS case it's a control thing. She was selfish and human nature when scared is to run, not confront. He took her mountain.

maswartz226 avatar
maswartz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how this guy pretty much did everything right and still got chewed out by her.

lisabluford avatar
Lisa Bluford
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because that's how predators work? You ask them to move and they do? Just pointing out the absurdity of her even asking him to move. He's a human being with as much right to the bench as her.

laugh avatar
Laugh or not
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was seated in the boarding area of the airport, waiting a few hours for my plane with my cat (plane was delayed due to the weather). One lady came to complain because her kid was allergic and told me I should move. The area was packed, she arrived way after me and nobody knew how long we would be waiting. I told her she could move if she wanted, but I was staying where I was. Nobody forced her to sit close to me. Same here : OP wasn't interacting with her, she is responsible for her feelings.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. That bench isn't her private property, she doesn't get to ask people to leave because she doesn't like them being there. Also, if you actually feel threatened by somebody, why would you deliberately start a conversation with them and draw their attention to you?

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LivingTheDream
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Assuming he is bad or a predator because he is a man? What a misandrist! She may need therapy!

beth_landers avatar
Beth L
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did she think was going to happen on the train, for heaven sake? There's a lot of things I don't do as a female when I'm out by myself. One of the things I don't do is start unnecessary conflict that draws attention to myself. If she needed that much privacy/security bubble, she should have ordered an Uber or a taxi.

tararay13 avatar
Tara Raay
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was probably pissy and wanted to take her s**t out on someone. If she was uncomfortable, she would have moved. Scared women don’t confront, they run. She’s a d**k.

biljanamalesevic avatar
Bilja M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suppose she has bad experience in the past but living in fear that everyone can hurt you is not the answer. And it's not fair to other people. being careful is fine but not at the expense of other person. The man was tired, he did nothing wrong, let him be.

njscrutton avatar
OhForSmegSake
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been the solo female alone at a train station/bus stop when a guy has come along and sat down and yeah, it can be scary. You feel very tense and unsure especially if it's late and there's a long wait. But that's why you watch the guy, check where he's looking, what's his body language saying. Some one who's clearly exhausted and just wants to sit, chill, and wait for the bus/train is no threat to you. Having a go at him is the shitty thing to do

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Magpie Magoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know the lady's background; maybe she's been attacked in the past, who knows? But her history is her own. No need to project onto a complete stranger. As a female who takes public transportation daily (and gets harassed sometimes), I feel little-to-no sympathy for her. If she truly felt threatened, she should have just gotten up and walked away to begin with, no words exchanged. Her reaction otherwise just smacks of entitlement.

wisenerd avatar
Forced Introvert
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he was a creepy or a bad guy and she talk to him like that she would probably enforce the bad attitude of the creepy guy, luckily it was a good guy in the other side of the bench

deborah_chapman avatar
Deborah Chapman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is sad. She is definitely in the wrong. She probably doesn't know what hard work is. Besides you moving wouldn't have helped her in the least. You could could have ran and overtook her at anytime if you were in a mind to do so. She was just being a hair flipping Karen. You know women who diss you by flipping her long hair at you because she thinks she is better than you. She was being rude and crude. You were definitely in the right.

jadams81985 avatar
J Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perhaps this lady should walk around with a stack of post it notes that she could place around her letting others know where she deems it suitable for them to stand or sit whilst in her presence. If I’m at the train station and someone makes me feel uncomfortable guess what I do? Yes that’s right I move to take myself out of the situation, creating an issue with someone minding their own business only increases the chance of coming to harm

floorcollapse avatar
Jess Lew
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How much sense does it make to initiate a confrontation with a stranger if you're afraid of them hurting you?

cheyenne avatar
Cheyenne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He wasn’t paying her any attention at all. She should have kept her dumb entitled mouth shut.

kayblue avatar
Kay blue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she was that uncomfortable by his presence then she wouldn't have tried to antagonise him by calling him a jackass.

malifacent_4 avatar
Sarah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She sounds pretty entitled to me. If you arent comfortable being around the public when you are alone, you shouldn't leave the house alone. Going to be a pretty rough life if she thinks everyone should only care how SHE feels. Take a cab next time, or don't travel alone. The world is not going to bend for you.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he sat right next to her or kept looking over at her I could understand her paranoia, but she was taking it too far. Always be on your guard, you never know, but male doesn’t equate to predator

zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flag is guys sitting next to you if there is other seating available. Not someone sitting at the far end of the only available bench.

ghougle avatar
Ghougle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact you have to wonder to yourself if you ATA, shows how crazy this world is. Public is just that, public. If she doesn't like it, she has the right to walk away. Freedom

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as you gave her as much space as you could - end of bench, clearly focused on something else, NTA. If there are two benches, and you choose to sit next to the lone woman, that's insensitive. If it happens again, be blunt. "Lady, I don't know you, please leave me alone. There is one bench, and I'm tired, this isn't a come on. I'm sitting as far from you as I can, and I'm clearly not interested, so please respect that and stop harassing me."

tamara-kroonen-1 avatar
Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. This is just an entitled Karen who wants to display control over other peoples behaviour. Nothing less. If she REALLY was THAT uncomfortable, she would be too scared to even talk to you, let alone arguing.

cjucz22 avatar
Christina Uhlir
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop already with those "guy asks if he acted as a jerk..." and all alike asking for approval. They are just for attention.

backatya7 avatar
backatya
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he was rude or in the wrong just because he was a man. A woman could do just as much harm to her by cutting her or shooting her.

sergioebay44 avatar
Sergio Serg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The new world we live in where women think they have special entitlement. She's uncomfortable then move, lady

chrissprucefield avatar
Chris Sprucefield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely NTA - He was minding his own business, and quite frankly, this womans actions were borderline, if not crossing, harassment, as they were as much unwanted by him, and fully initiated by her. She has no "bigger right" in a public space just because she's female, equal rights and all.

faeryiis avatar
Lululoohoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh. NTA. That woman was the asshole. If she was so uncomfortable, she could have easily gotten up to move. He has every right to sit on the opposite side of the bench from her, especially if he wasn't even looking at her, talking to her or whatever else. I am all for women wanting to protect themselves, but she went beyond protecting to entitlement

lynnnoyes avatar
elfin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she didn't like sharing the bench then she had the option to move. You weren't the problem. And her logic also seems faulty. A guy who sits as far from her as he can and then ignores her is unlikely to be a threat. I'd be more worried about one who walked around a lot and was in and out of my sight.

annad avatar
Anna D
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the above comments. If I feel uncomfortable I just move away.

johnbaker avatar
John Baker
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, OP, you are definitely NTA - but Karen certainly is. It isn't your fault or your problem if she feels "uncomfortable."

booksfeedthemind avatar
Donna Leske
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA If he stood up and moved away he could move behind her and thus be in a far better position to *attack*, *spit in her hair*, I dunno, maybe read her phone over her shoulder?

nalasimba avatar
nala simba
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If there are just two people on an empty platform, Karen might as well have asked you leave and come back later! Ridiculous. You should gave ignored her and pretended you were deaf! It's not as if you sat close to her. Standing or sitting, you were "just as dangerous" to this Karen! Just forget it.

tasher50 avatar
Natasha Chinn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The thing that bothers me about this is she wasn’t too uncomfortable to tell him to move and then be rude to him. If he was the type of man to hurt a woman that could have potentially set him off. He had every to sit there and she should have kept her mouth shut and just moved instead of expecting and telling him to move.

it1224 avatar
HelloHolaBonjourNiHao
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all, (30)is is old and your 24? She was hot for you. Think about it, what is she doing all alone in a subway station at night? Where's her husband? Kids? No she's out cruising trying to pick up strangers. She would have never STARTED A CONVERSATION if she was concerned. She's lonely and wanted to get pounded in the stairwell. Sorry, you blew your chance.

nikastrokappe avatar
Nika Strokappe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Woman here. I don't understand, if you do not feel safe, why start pissing someone off? I don't think that will increase your safety. And if someone want to harm you, asking them to move away is not gonna help you either I would guess...

sleepyhead avatar
Anna Lamandau
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds more like the woman is the one who harrased that man.

loverleezack_1 avatar
Stephanie Hewitt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she was really so I uncomfortable she wouldn't have been so bold. Seems like she was looking for a reason to argue

helenajenks57 avatar
Helena Jenks
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a woman but I'd never ask someone to move. He wasn't even close and if he had been I'd have moved. Speaking that way to a stranger is way more dangerous than just sitting there. If he was a nutter it could have escalated things quickly

arobe353 avatar
PixxelDust
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. As a woman myself, I know what it's like to be uncomfortable. But unless she has serious anxiety issues (in which case she wouldn't have said a word) she shouldn't be threatened by the presence of a man who is paying absolutely no attention to her and sitting probably a good 3m away. Using gender and 'being uncomfortable' as an excuse to get her way is the reason other women still have to be genuinely concerned when they're alone in public. Makes me sick to see people doing such downright disrespectful things.

dawn_marie_1 avatar
DM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. As a women, I get the fear but if you were truly minding your own business and started looking at your phone with headphones I think she could have handled it better by getting up right away and moving away not making this his fault or making him the bad guy.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is a situation of a woman using the current cultural environment to unnecessarily and wrongfully impose her will on others. I've no doubt that she has her own little community in which she's telling her side of the story and that this guy was in the process of pulling his pants down so he could rape her. And no, this isn't victim blaming. This is calling a spade a spade.

montgal52 avatar
Carney
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes women are made to fear strange me in empty places, particularly at night. But there is caution and then there is being a b***h and this person took it at least ten feet too far. Unless the guy was really creepy (doesn't sound like it at all), then she was the one in the wrong. Men should know not to approach a strange woman in a place where no one else is around and not to make eye contact, but beyond that, we all have the right to move freely without being harangued for being human and tired. Sitting on a bench well removed from a woman is NOT aggressive, threatening or wrong.

yoelshapiro avatar
Yoel Shapiro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Better to keep it short with entitled people. The first time she asked if you mind going elsewhere you could have answered that you don't mind if she moves. If you feel kind you could add that you'll give her the courtesy of staying in your place so she can feel safe.

kc-milholland avatar
KMill
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - if someone makes me feel uncomfortable (justified or not) I’ll be the one to leave. If someone follows me then I’d speak up, but I’d never just ask someone else to leave.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The level of entitlement here is appalling. It's a public bench firstly. And what does "uncomfortable" even mean? If she is seeing him as a threat, then clearly she is judging him based purely on appearance alone. I grew up being mistaken for a girl a lot and did have encounters with creepy characters but that does not give me the right to boss others around. I just move to another spot in the station when that happened.

betakrankusov avatar
snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they were only two people around she should feel better with someone few meters away. It's not the person you see who attacks you and definitely not the one sitting on the other side of bench as you'd see him standing up if he wanted to try something. It's actually the one person you don't see when noone is around you should worry about.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I am worried about a dude possibly attacking me then I am not going to start a confrontation. If he were going to attack you, then asking him to move is going to accomplish nothing. People are weird so I guess this could have happened, but I have some doubts this is the entire story because nothing about it makes sense.

stevewilson_3 avatar
Steve Wilson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the bench belong to her or was it a public bench? You’re welcome.

kpalp232 avatar
BlahBlahBlackSheepah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really it depends on how long the bench is. If he could reach her from where he was sitting here was too close. He didn't make it sound like this but he didn't not mislt

dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Do you think the issue was she didn't want to sit within six feet of the man because of Covid transmission?

johnlouis avatar
John Louis
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Again, again, again, there are two sides to every story. I know it is probably not possible to hear the woman's side, as it would be difficult to track her down. But still I ask is it responsible for Bored Panda to only print only one side of a conflict?

kathrynhatfield avatar
KatHat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not "one side of a conflict", it's someone asking for advice.

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago

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No harm done, but I do hope he learned something about respecting other people's personal space. Particularly in worrisome places, at night, with women on their own.

mdr_1 avatar
Potato
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dang just how large is your "personal space"? Other people need breathing room.

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