Discussion Online Ensues After Woman Shares How Her 2 Y.O. Kid Is So Well Behaved In Public But Is Uncontrollable At Home
Parenthood is both an incredibly wonderful and very difficult thing. Wonderful – because literally every day gives you new discoveries, new emotions. Difficult – because these discoveries and emotions are far from being always pleasant.
For example, many parents have encountered the fact that their toddlers, so well-mannered and calm in public, sometimes allow themselves to throw real tantrums at home. Sometimes it goes away on its own, sometimes you need the help of a child psychologist. In any case, tantrums are an objective reality of many parents.
For example, Lucy Huber, a writer and editor based in Washington, DC, often writes about her parenting experiences, and her tweet recently went viral, with nearly 84.5K likes and over 1.9K retweets, as well as sparking a massive discussion.
More info: Twitter
The Original Poster tweeted about her toddler’s tantrum after a long journey
Image credits: Jonty (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster told the story of how her 2-year-old son endured a two-hour drive to the airport, and another two hours waiting there – where he just read a book. The hour-long flight quietly passed with the child joyfully watching “Finding Nemo”, and the bus ride, where he laughed…
Image credits: clhubes
Image credits: clhubes
The OP also admits that almost every leg of the journey was accompanied by French fries and cookies
…and then there was a 15-minute drive to their house, where the kid could not stand it and burst into hysterics. To be honest, Lucy admitted that all those legs, with the exception of the last car ride, were accompanied by French fries and cookies. This is certainly an important condition, but still, the situation turned out to be similar for many people.
Image credits: clhubes
Image credits: clhubes
Image credits: clhubes
The problem turned out to be very common for many people in the comments
Needless to say, many parents have faced such problems. For example, in one commenter’s own words, “Toddlers at home look like they’re completely dissatisfied with their lives, but they look perfectly happy anywhere else.”
Image credits: bigdix1606
Image credits: lauriepchan
Image credits: casca1987
Another commenter faced a similar situation, as they were flying with two children, a two-year-old and a nine-month-old, from Canada to Japan – and just on the last leg, both children had meltdowns too. For another person in the thread, their two-year-old calmly endured the flight to Germany and back – however, burst into tears upon approaching the door of their sweet home.
Image credits: desirosie
Image credits: Joopey (not the actual photo)
Psychologists say that tantrums are part and parcel of toddler’s age
“Toddlers want independence and control over their environment – more than they can actually handle,” tells Elizabeth M. Schilling, PhD, for Kids Health. “Tantrums may happen when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. Learning to deal with frustration is a skill that children gain over time.”
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Image credits: PaulaCl11601017
Dr. Schilling’s opinion is confirmed by other people in the thread. Commenters admit that the OP’s son really knows how to cope with his emotions at such a young age, and how to postpone the almost inevitable tantrum until the moment when he feels he’s in a safe place.
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Image credits: ParsleyMostly
It’s very important for kids to feel safe so they express emotions violently only in a familiar place or with familiar people
“It’s really important for a child to feel safe – with people they trust in an environment they know well,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP professional, who was contacted by Bored Panda for comment. “With any active manifestation of feelings and emotions – and hysteria also applies to those, it is important for the kid to feel safe.”
Image credits: JenASchiller
Image credits: hinaqs
“In fact, toddlers have nothing wrong with periodic tantrums – they just learn to express their emotions in the process of speech development,” notes Irina Matveeva. “Any long journey fills the child’s brain with new impressions, new experiences, in addition to the fact that the kid simply gets tired. Not always they can express everything in words at this age, so with the accumulation of emotions and fatigue, everything turns into a tantrum.”
Image credits: remember267
Image credits: lthomasn
“In the future, when the child learns to fully express the accumulated emotions through speech, the need for tantrums will gradually disappear. All this, of course, is relevant if the kid grows up in a healthy atmosphere,” states Irina.
Image credits: MegStEsprit
Children’s tantrums have taken place at all times, with all children
By the way, children’s tantrums are not a hallmark of modern upbringing, as some people used to believe. In fact, they have always been there. This is confirmed by other discussion participants in Lucy Huber’s thread – for example, one of the commenters admitted that she behaved very well in public as a child – and even loved compliments. But at home she often gave hell to her parents…
Image credits: momiicita
We are almost sure that you have something to say about this discussion, and perhaps you yourself have a story of your own about childhood tantrums – with your own children or in your childhood. Just feel free to tell us about it in the comments!
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LOVE the response about child reading War and Peace then writing a thesis! Big lol.
I loved that response as well! But I also hope that if that skeptic has kids, someone explains to them that giving kids access to books *before* they can read is an essential step to them learning to read. They don't achieve a certain age then just evolve like Pokemon and gain Read ability before ever setting eyes on a book. The earlier they have access to books the better, and the more they are encouraged to memorize stories and follow along with stories even just through looking at pictures, the stronger their reading comprehension will be once they actually start reading. They make books for literal infants that are waterproof and rip proof that babies just chew on until they realize they can look at the pictures.
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when i was growing up, me and my sister were so well behaved outside or when we were in other people's house. at home is a different story. i think that is normal.
Ideally yes. Kids are going to throw at least a few tantrums in their life and we all hope that will happen in our own homes.
Load More Replies...
Thanks BP. This one goes into my bookmarks folder named "Why I don't want children"
Where're the childfree folks?! Now's our time! Remember how we can't have a single discussion about why we chose not to have kids without parents interrupting with their "Well, *I* had kids and it's the BEST!"? Yeah, this post is a great reminder of exactly why we didn't want to have kids, and exactly what is so unappealing about them. Tantrums make my ovaries curdle. I'm barely able to manage my own emotions, I'm not about to manage a few kids', too.
My question though: what do you DO when they are having the tantrum, even if it's in a safe space at home? Do you try to comfort them? Do you tell them to hit a pillow? Just wait til til it's over? What??
All children are like that. Well behaved in public (most of the time) and act up at home. Mostly because home is the safe space where we all relax and be ourselves. That is normal behavior. As for cartrips kids just tend to get bored and tired and cranky like the rest of us. The outward trip is easier because of the excitement of the trip. Homeward everyone is kind of fizzled out. The entertainment that works for the first part of the trip rarely gives much help by the end.
I saw this so many times when I was teaching preschool, pre-k, daycare, and Sunday School. We would have parents days and parents nights and I would tell parents how great their child behaved, how they were such a good helper, etc. and the parents would look at me like I was insane. I noticed a behavior difference when those parents would volunteer in the classroom in their child's behavior. It always amazed me how kids would have a completely different personality in front of their parents like they had two distinct identities in their heads. That's why I always say that parents are the ones with the hardest job in the world! As a huge literature fan I loved the War and Peace comment. I know from experience that the earlier you read to a child and give them access to books that they can "read" themselves, the more interest a child shows in reading.
I hear what people keep saying about kids feeling safe enough to express their big feelings at home/in familiar environments with just their parent(s), and I'm not saying this wasn't the case here, but what was described is also a *very* long time for a two year old to be awake for. So hitting that tired/wired wall at that point actually makes a lot of sense just timing-wise, and that probably played a factor.
Hey, he was just tired and ready to be home. Last time I was on a 22 hour flight (even with two stops at different airports), I was about ready to open the hatch and parachute out that last half hour!
With friend at shops...2.5 yr old threw a tantrum, on floor,screaming etc. She came out, got in my car and said drive off. I looked at her in shock and she said no drive round corner (corner shop) so I did. Kid got up ran out of shop, instant end of tantrum. Never dared try it myself...
Kids save their worst for the safe-space of their parents. Be grateful. Because it's way worse when the tantrum occurs in public! Toddlers, kids, tweens & teens, and every once in a while adults throw tantrums. Hang in there...give your child an extra hug once the tantrum has passed.
Our kids were perfect in daycare or for either pair of grandparents. Not perfect for everyone, though. Come pickup time: "Not you! NOOOOOOO!" then running away and hiding. Once my 18mth son ran away at our medical centre while stark naked (no nappy/diaper even) for the nurse to weigh. Laughed his little streaking crackerjack ar$e off at us trying to catch him. As did a centre full of other patients. My son is now 19 and still clothing challenged on occasions.
LOVE the response about child reading War and Peace then writing a thesis! Big lol.
I loved that response as well! But I also hope that if that skeptic has kids, someone explains to them that giving kids access to books *before* they can read is an essential step to them learning to read. They don't achieve a certain age then just evolve like Pokemon and gain Read ability before ever setting eyes on a book. The earlier they have access to books the better, and the more they are encouraged to memorize stories and follow along with stories even just through looking at pictures, the stronger their reading comprehension will be once they actually start reading. They make books for literal infants that are waterproof and rip proof that babies just chew on until they realize they can look at the pictures.
Load More Replies... when i was growing up, me and my sister were so well behaved outside or when we were in other people's house. at home is a different story. i think that is normal.
Ideally yes. Kids are going to throw at least a few tantrums in their life and we all hope that will happen in our own homes.
Load More Replies... Thanks BP. This one goes into my bookmarks folder named "Why I don't want children"
Where're the childfree folks?! Now's our time! Remember how we can't have a single discussion about why we chose not to have kids without parents interrupting with their "Well, *I* had kids and it's the BEST!"? Yeah, this post is a great reminder of exactly why we didn't want to have kids, and exactly what is so unappealing about them. Tantrums make my ovaries curdle. I'm barely able to manage my own emotions, I'm not about to manage a few kids', too.
My question though: what do you DO when they are having the tantrum, even if it's in a safe space at home? Do you try to comfort them? Do you tell them to hit a pillow? Just wait til til it's over? What??
All children are like that. Well behaved in public (most of the time) and act up at home. Mostly because home is the safe space where we all relax and be ourselves. That is normal behavior. As for cartrips kids just tend to get bored and tired and cranky like the rest of us. The outward trip is easier because of the excitement of the trip. Homeward everyone is kind of fizzled out. The entertainment that works for the first part of the trip rarely gives much help by the end.
I saw this so many times when I was teaching preschool, pre-k, daycare, and Sunday School. We would have parents days and parents nights and I would tell parents how great their child behaved, how they were such a good helper, etc. and the parents would look at me like I was insane. I noticed a behavior difference when those parents would volunteer in the classroom in their child's behavior. It always amazed me how kids would have a completely different personality in front of their parents like they had two distinct identities in their heads. That's why I always say that parents are the ones with the hardest job in the world! As a huge literature fan I loved the War and Peace comment. I know from experience that the earlier you read to a child and give them access to books that they can "read" themselves, the more interest a child shows in reading.
I hear what people keep saying about kids feeling safe enough to express their big feelings at home/in familiar environments with just their parent(s), and I'm not saying this wasn't the case here, but what was described is also a *very* long time for a two year old to be awake for. So hitting that tired/wired wall at that point actually makes a lot of sense just timing-wise, and that probably played a factor.
Hey, he was just tired and ready to be home. Last time I was on a 22 hour flight (even with two stops at different airports), I was about ready to open the hatch and parachute out that last half hour!
With friend at shops...2.5 yr old threw a tantrum, on floor,screaming etc. She came out, got in my car and said drive off. I looked at her in shock and she said no drive round corner (corner shop) so I did. Kid got up ran out of shop, instant end of tantrum. Never dared try it myself...
Kids save their worst for the safe-space of their parents. Be grateful. Because it's way worse when the tantrum occurs in public! Toddlers, kids, tweens & teens, and every once in a while adults throw tantrums. Hang in there...give your child an extra hug once the tantrum has passed.
Our kids were perfect in daycare or for either pair of grandparents. Not perfect for everyone, though. Come pickup time: "Not you! NOOOOOOO!" then running away and hiding. Once my 18mth son ran away at our medical centre while stark naked (no nappy/diaper even) for the nurse to weigh. Laughed his little streaking crackerjack ar$e off at us trying to catch him. As did a centre full of other patients. My son is now 19 and still clothing challenged on occasions.
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