Woman Shares A Story Of How Her Teacher Commented On Her Body 17 Years Ago And That Still Contributes To Her Body Image Issues
Some may say that words can hurt you as much as knives because physical wounds heal much faster than emotional trauma. Once you hear some nasty comments said your way, you might remember them your whole life and they can actually prevent you from living your life to the fullest.
That’s why it’s so important to be kind to others and think about what your words may mean to them before saying something. A TikToker shared a story of a moment that really stuck with her and the words she carries from since she was 11 as they were told by a teacher.
More info: TikTok
Elyse Myers shared a story of how something that a teacher said about her body in her teen years stuck with her through her whole life
Image credits: elyse_myers
Elyse Myers is a TikTok star with 3.5 million followers. She is known for telling stories from her life that can teach everyone a lesson or more often, give a good laugh. Her videos regularly go viral and get watched millions of times.
One of her more recent story times that got 2.6 million people interested is from her teenage years to show the importance of being kind and choosing your words before you say them as they can be really damaging.
Image credits: elysemyers
The woman starts by saying that when she was a teenager she was bigger than other kids her age. It didn’t bother her, but for some reason, everyone wanted her to know that they thought she was not of the appropriate weight.
What does bother Elyse now looking back was that she had so many other qualities people could have praised, but they couldn’t see past her body.
Elyse said that she weighed more than her peers in middle school and everyone let her know that
Image credits: elysemyers
As a child, she wasn’t taught to love her body, but instead, people liked to remind her that there was something wrong with it. Only now Elyse understands that those comments on her body reflected more so on the people who said them rather than her own appearance.
Even though we can pretend we don’t care and brush off the comments and awful things strangers or people that we don’t care about say, it’s not that easy when those words come from the mouth of a person that you look up to, that is an authority and an important figure.
One time a substitute teacher commented that she was not suited for a cheerleading outfit when she expressed to her friends she would like to be a cheerleader
Image credits: elysemyers
Image credits: elysemyers
Even though we may not like our teachers or really know them as people, they still are a big influence in our lives. Students literally write down what they say and when they comment on things other than the subject they teach, students still can hear them and they are still very impressionable.
And what a substitute teacher said to Elyse 17 years ago, she still remembers. She remembers how he said that she was not suited for a cheerleading uniform when she was talking with her friends about what she would like to do aside from school.
Elyse understands now that it was extremely inappropriate; what is more, she still remembers that remark to this day, 17 years later
Image credits: elysemyers
The teacher believed that he was ‘saving Elyse from herself’ but the woman thinks that it was absolutely inappropriate and disgusting. What he actually did was leave a scar in Elyse’s heart and even so many years later, she still is trying to fix it and not let it rule her life.
What the TikToker wanted to say with this story is that kids believe things you tell them. Words can shatter any person but they can also lift them up; however, it’s hell of a lot more difficult to do that when they are broken into a million pieces.
That is why she asks people to be more careful before making comments on others’ appearance
Image credits: elysemyers
The topic of appearance is a sensitive one. Children, teenagers and adults as well want to feel beautiful and accepted. It takes a lot of effort to build up confidence and just one word can ruin the process.
Elyse asks people to be understanding and more kind not only towards others but also themselves. In her opinion it is important to not focus only on appearance and know that people have other great qualities.
You never truly know your influence on others so it’s always best to be kind and show more compassion
Image credits: elysemyers
Image credits: elysemyers
You can listen to Elyse telling her story below
@elysemyers Your words are powerful. #coffeetalk #theadhdway #words ♬ original sound – Elyse Myers
The teacher’s comment would have been hurtful for anyone and Elyse still remembers it to this day, however, she still was able to play a cheerleader during her senior year in high school for the musical Grease and proudly shows a photo at the end of the video.
We would like to know if you agree with Elyse that people forget that their words mean more to others than they think. Or do you think that we’ve become too sensitive and care too much about others’ opinions, letting them influence our lives? Let us know in the comments!
People in the comments agreed with the message Elyse wanted to deliver and related to the story she told
"I need to save you from yourself" - because cheerleading is a self-destructive act for an 11-year-old?? Is he in the habit of pre-emptively crushing kids' dreams under the pretense of "caring"?
Yes. What an asshat. Should learn to shut his gob instead of embarassing children in front of their friends.
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This reminds me to the "psycologist" of out middle school. She was there supposedly to guide us but she was a useless cruel moron. One of my friends struggled paying attention in class and her grades werent good. She was smart but not motivated, maybe she had poor studying skills, maybe she had attention deficit, I do not know. At 15 we needed to chose which branch we wanted to follow (science, humanities, arts) at 16 the classes were almost the same with a few differences and after in HS they were different. My friend wanted to do science and this bitch told her "you are too stupid to do that". She quit school and only finished years later. F*****g asshole who was supposed to help us and only destroyed my friends self steem and future.
something similar happened to me from 6th to 9th grade basically, teacher of my native language told me I can't speak it, I'm too dumb for hs graduation exams and should just go to cook school cause I will not be able to graduate HS, I went to hs out of spite and got the highest mark and graduated, to this day she is the only person I literally hate, she crushed my childhood dreams of being a writer for years ☹️
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I was 23 years old, uni. We had music lesson (classical music history) We were talking about playing instruments and I told the teacher I could play the piano. The teacher's reply stung and it still does. "Any idiot can play the piano"
wow, totally uncalled for rudeness. Well it certainly isn't true, i don't know how to play the piano, i think anyone that can is talented!
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Wow. Just wow. I was a cheerleader growing up n even though one of my best friends was a bit curvier than the rest of the team, (which I don't see why weight matters here anyway. Not being a size 0 doesn't mean u can't be a good cheerleader) she was the best cheerleader on our team. Unfortunately, She was made fun of a lot for being "the big girl" on the team... but i think that she used that as motivation to get as good as she could and it paid off. She was such a good gymnast. She was super fucken strong and could throw the fliers so high in the air.. like ridiculously high. Higher than the two boys on the team. She was also the best dancer too. There was nothing she couldn't do and her weight held absolutely no bearing on how talented she was or how she performed in general. I wanna say that she was probably like 155-165 lbs at her "heaviest" (she was very busty n these days ppl would pay good money for her backside! Very curvy n beautiful. Think Ashley Graham) she's a coach now too
If it can't be fixed in 5 minutes then you shouldn't make a comment about it. It's one of the things I always keep in the back of my head.
I agree that commenting on peoples bodies for whatever reason is a terrible idea, and we should drill that concept into people's heads. That being said, we will inevitably hear unkind things said about ourselves and it's important to also build strong, confident, resilient, kids who can cope with such comments. That's an important life skill, since you cannot control others, only your own behavior.
Yes at the same time we also need to let kids feel how they feel and not tell them they need to ignore the bullies. That teaches them their feelings are invalid.
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I had a teacher tell me I was stupid and made me sit in front of the classroom with a "dummy hat" on. I was in 5th grade and the reason I was "stupid" was that I spelled Missouri wrong on a test. I was so ashamed and laughed at. Just another reason I'm not a people person. When I was 14, we lived in a small town, dominantly white. My mom, out of the blue, told me if I ever dated anyone black she would disown me. ??? Other been her being racist, I don't know what brought the subject up. It hurt me. There are things people say that stick with you for life. I'll never forget them.
That is a jerk. I had a similar issue in school but mine was due to me being a quiet kid (social anxiety). I was 6'1" at the start of the 9th grade that would stick to my self and after eating lunch lunch go to the library for a noise break. My school counselor decided that was school shooter list material regardless that I had friends outside of school, went to a church and sung in the choir. Anyhow it lead to me being singled out Everytime for the wand(metal detector)being questioned, confronted by school police. So yeah I am glad I had those friends outside of school because my social life within school went to zero but the ridicule did have an effect on my grades.
There's another problem here besides someone making hurtful comment to an 11yo. It's that an adult made a statement about the attractiveness of a child's body. This person should absolutely not be in a position of authority over children.
"You don't need to focus on your weight. Pay attention to the good parts of yourself: your face, your hair, your talents and abilities. You do nothing good for yourself if you focus on what you deem 'bad' about yourself." --my mother, after I hinted that I was insecure about my weight.
It would be interesting to track the nasty teacher down, and see what he's like today. I like to think he's grown, and matured, and feels terrible about some of the things he did... but I doubt it.
He was already an adult when he told a pubescent girl that her body was unsuitable for a cheerleader uniform. That does not bode well for him maturing and is deeply creepy. A grown man should not be policing young girl's bodies.
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A doctor said to my best friend when she was around 11 “ you’ll never be skinny like me and your mom “. She’s 43 now and still thinks about that comment. Not that it matters but she is skinny now ! She cut dairy and meat out of her diet and lost 50 lbs
well, a GP is supposed to address medical problems and weight is a big one on health. She certainly could have said it in a more polite way though :/
Load More Replies... This s**t of making off handed comments to dismiss or demean someone is why Karen Carpenter struggled her entire life with body image issues which eventually lead to her death.
That was largely down to her mother, who was a deeply nasty woman.
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I soo feel this girl. As a teenager, my body developed faster than the other girls in my class. That led to daily cat calling on the street and bullying from the boys in school. But nothing was worse that a teacher's comment, which she made in front of the class: "You should get a job as a secretary, because you are a busty girl". The insult and humiliation were overwhelming. I hated her for years.
I wish I didn't feel twice as crushed when women cut down girls.
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I had a similar experience when as a 15 year old girl I was critiqued in my theater class, for needing to embrace more comedy roles and focus on character acting because I wasn't built like a leading actress. It was ok because there was still room in the theater for heavy people. And she said this in front of my whole class. I was a size 12 and already hyper insecure about being bigger than my class mates. It was one of my most embarrassing moments. I turn 33 soon and that is still clear as a bell in my mind. I stopped stage acting not long after.
I remember a guy from my school said to me "I thought you were only ugly from far away but close up you're just as ugly" and I think he meant it to be funny but that absolutely destroyed the last fragment of what little self esteem I had to begin with.
I had a crush on an older classmate, and one day he said to me, "Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?" I said "no" and he said, "Did you ever wonder why?" Jerk. But he was that way to a lot of people, so, whatever.
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I was the fat kid in school and i would be weighed in front of the class, they would have these like tongue things and you pull your fat and measure the tyre and show how fat you are, theyd make me run at the front of the PE because i couldnt keep up, left school with anorexia, ironically i over exercised and ate nothing so got very ill.
After the summer, at 16, my female gym teacher, while my class and I were doing laps around the school, yelled at me from afar "you've gained a little weight, haven't you?". I had, actually. But is that the best way to address it, as an educator of gymnastics, nonetheless? She could have put me aside and asked me if I needed some advice to lose weight, if anything. Or she could just have kept it to herself, since she is most definitely not a doctor. Another teacher, a man this time, one day decided to do a "round up" of the girls in the classroom and make an estimate of how each bellybutton looked like. Seriously. Like: "You, innie. You, outie. You, also outie..." and so on. And he clearly meant: innie= you're skinny, outie=you're fat. A male overweight teacher in his sixties. And mind you: it was 15-ish years ago, not the 1950's...
"Do you REALLY need to eat that???" said my Mum to me, when I was around 5. I was only reaching for a piece of fruit. That one statement led to a lifetime of eating disorders and I still hear it in my head almost every day...
I grew up abasing myself, and putting myself down, from about third year/grade on. I remember second grade somehow not being as much fun as kindergarten ( pre first year) and first year/grade. I guess I learned how unacceptable I was that year. I do remember looking at the hopscotch diagram on the playground, which was ruled during recess by the big awesome kids of fourth and fifth,. Then the lower grades as the older ones went in. I sometimes had to wait for my mom a little while. I remember thinking " I could do that" and knowing I would never get the chance. Also being forced through the hell that is field day, whee we all found out who could run jump,, and climb the best. I was never the winner. I remember reading about a little girl named Frannie, in a great book about a Tree That Grows in Brooklyn, and how she had many of the same experiences I had. Yeah I think the world stamps us pretty young with self hatred.
My sisters oldest boy, 12 years old. Beautiful chubby boy. His grandmother (from his fathers side) cant helpnherself but constantly reminding him that he is to fat. On his birthday, happily playing in the pool, and eating his fries she started again. He got so angry, telling her that she has no right to talk to him like that. Naturally we are all very proud that he did that. Sadly enough she is to dumb to change herself. I find myself telling those boys, that they are perfect the way they are, and that their grandmother is the one that needs to change, rhat they should never believe a word she says when they hurt.
I was the reverse - skinny as hell nick name was scrawny- loved sports no your to skinny you'll get hurt. Teachers every one called me that! Words do hurt and make you want to hide. So I got love and understanding from books and animals great substitutes!
Any teacher should know better. Their role is to educate and instill confidence in what you do with your life. He is indeed an asshat of the first degree.
I was a "Husky" (actually a department at the store where we shopped) until I was 11. Weighed myself on Thanksgiving for some reason, I had lost 25 pounds in a few months. My dad said if I lost another 20 BEFORE CHRISTMAS he'd buy me the bike I wanted. BUT I had to lose another 5 before I could ride it. Hello to a lifetime of eating disorders. Six years ago, I weighed 109 (I'm 5'8). One of my sister's friends remarked that I looked awfully thin and my sister breezily said "don't worry, she'll gain it back". She's a size 22. But she was right...I got Covid and gained 100 during quarantine. Now, I'm ashamed to leave the house. Words/actions matter.
There was a teacher in my elementary school named Flynn who talking to a kid named Fitzpatrick during a school festival for the end of the school year. Me and the other kid were going to be going into the 7th grade the next school year. Anyway they were talking about their Irish names and I said that 'I'm Irish too'. The teacher told me that name wasn't an Irish name. I was confused because my name is Mullen and my G-g-grandfather came Ireland. It's been 43 years and I haven't forgotten that little interaction.
I feel this deep. I did Pop Warner cheerleading (starts at age like 4 to age 15, city-based thing) for 5 years, starting at age 9. Much like this person, I was more “round” than other girls. I can’t tell you how many times I heard from both adults and kids that I “didn’t look like a cheerleader” or was “too fat to be a cheerleader”. It was even worse when they found out I did ballet for a few years. Wonder if this person’s sub was only picturing the professional sports cheerleaders that basically wear a sports bra and booty shorts. Don’t apply that image to a kid!
My first encounter with a teacher saying an inappropriate thing that still haunts me to this day...........I was a fresh immigrant from England in 4th grade. My homeroom teacher asked to ask "Mr. Feeney" to borrow the "phonograph". I didn't know what a phonograph was and, of course, never heard that word before. I shyly went to Mr. Feeney & asked him for it. Perhaps, I didn't pronounce it well, but, remember, the word was "foreign" to me. He must have understood what I was saying (because he gave me the phonograph), but commented, "For someone who was born in England, you don't speak English very well". I was devastated as you can tell....I recall it like it was yesterday & I'm 71 years old! I developed a speech impediment after that and withdrew from my usual outgoing self. I hope Mr. Feeney is rotting in hell!
I can vouch for the damage. I was the only kid in 4th grade who wore glasses and took a fair amount of teasing about "4-eyes". One day Sister Mary Ignatius sent me to the board with a math problem. Not only did I have no clue about working the problem, but she added to my humiliation by remarking that I "looked like a little beaver in my glasses! I'm 85 now, and that explains why there are very few photos of me younger than about 50.
When I was in HS, I ended up missing 10 days of school due to being out of the country visiting family so I was sent to the "bad" kid school for a semester. As someone who did well in school, it was a bit of a pain but I worked through it. One day they brought in a counselor to talk to all of us. We all had to meet with her one on one and she asked me what I wanted to be once I graduated. I told her I wanted to be a psychologist, at the time I did. It was clear she just assumed we all had not much of a future and pretty much discouraged me from perusing this field and made sure I knew that it took a lot of schooling I mean a lot. I didn't give her much importance but it always stayed with me. I chose nutrition instead and have a fulfilling career in public health, but now that I am older I am thinking of all those kids who weren't actually bad, they were just dealt shitty cards, and the fact that she probably discouraged them from doing something they really wanted to do.
I had a teacher in 5th grade that made notice that I didn't have any socks on - it was winter and we lived paycheck to paycheck - mom was sick and we dried clothes on the oven door - we were going to a school concert off site - my mom had saved the 50.00 to send me to these events - I loved them - when the teacher made me stand in front of the class to question me about my socks I felt awful - got to the concert where all the schools in San Antonio attended and I felt like everyone knew I didnt have socks on - I hid my feet the entire time (3 hours) to this day I make sure I always have socks available and when I had kids I was a fantatic that they always had clean socks even if I had to wash at midnight - when grandkids come over and spend the night I always have socks for them. I can remember it as it was yesterday and I am 65 yrs old. The teacher didn't do it out of concern - she looked down on all of us - I still remember her name - Ms. Greene
You could have had him sooooo fired. This is so wrong on so many levels. I would bet he was a psychopath who became a teacher just to be around children.
I was told at 8 years old by a teacher that they'd never seen a child as fat as I was. This was well over 55 years ago and it still stings.
What that teacher said / did was awful. However, the fact that those words still affect her to this day, almost 20 years later, is also wrong. Just like people need to learn how to shut their mouths if they have nothing good to say, people also need to learn not to care about things like these. Ultimately each of us give other's words the power that WE want to give them. Like, why would we care about what a substitute teacher that we met for an hour 17 years ago had to say about us?
The younger you are, the less prepared you could be, to deal with this. So, the more grown up you are, the more you are responsible to look out for yourself, regarding this issue of people saying things to you. So, if you're a grown person and still suffer from this, it's more your fault then the other adult saying things.
Yup, life can be cruel and unfair, and part of growing up is learning how to deal with it. Maybe that involves therapy or something, but get to it and move on!
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I wonder why american students want so bad to be cheerleaders that it leaves scars in them.
That guy seems sad and takes it out on others. Maybe deep down, he wants to be a cheerleader himself but can't.
No, he's just a pedo who spends way too much time looking at young girl's bodies.
Load More Replies... you need real problems Love. Get a grip. If words (that are true) affect you for this long then you simply aren’t gunna make it. Utter nonsense.
Says the man sniffing and judging strangers through a screen.
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Seriously? A grown man is obsessing about 11 to 12 year old girl's bodies and whether they meet his standards enough for a cheerleader uniform - and you think it's harmless? This guy was disturbingly creepy on top of being a rude jerk.
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It's terrible what he said. But you need real help with caring what other people say. That guy has long forgotten, but he's still taking heavy space in your head. You need to stop letting him have that much power. I know thats not easy. I learned that unless it's someone I respect and care for, the opinion is irrelevant. And I mean it. You must get that weight out of your head, and if you can, you'll never care what people say ever again. You can desensitize your triggers with effort. There is some good reading on this, just google. Good luck, you are worth it.
I'd thank the teacher for "traumatising" or shall I say "motivating" me into staying in shape. I'm grateful like that. She looks in shape too. Pretty sure his words had something to do with it. And yet all the complaints. Berate me all you want. But this story could have gone 2 ways.
Tell me I'm wrong if you think I am: my side of the fam is slim naturally. My husband's fam is overweight. All of them. I think we all have the genetic make up to make us one way or the other. My sons are like my husband. They have to count calories and exercise, a lot, in order to maintain a healthy weight. When my oldest was a senior in high school and could leave the school for lunch, that's when he started gaining weight. All of the sudden he could eat fast food five days a week without me knowing. He got pretty big. And I talked to him about it. I didn't berate him. I didn't shame him( not on purpose anyway) I was concerned about health. Hubs fam has almost all 300 lbs. or more family members and I didn't want my kids to go down a road that was too hard to get back from. You can lose 10 pounds. But losing 150?? People do it and I commend them. But given the family history? My husband has to watch everything he eats to maintain a healthy weight. I want my kids to too.
Okay so i have a couple thoughts on this. First is of one of my brothers when he was in highschool and he was SO passionate about basketball and he was very good at it. His PE teacher told him he was too short to have any future in basketball and it crushed him, it broke his spirit and to this day he still remembers this. He quit basketball and I believe it to have changed his future, not for the better. My second thought is this teacher thought that she would be humiliated when she performed infront of the school because he knows how kids think and was trying to prevent her from experiencing that but he didn't broach it in a good way at all. There was a girl on the heavy side at my school that went into cheer leading and when she did a jump her shirt and skirt went up high and the whole stadium retched in unison quite loudly the girl ran off crying. The reality is kids are cruel, especially to fat people and he probably forsaw an incident like that
"The whole stadium retched in unison." And then everyone clapped--for YOU!
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A fat person can't hurt other people with second-hand fat. A smoker forces everyone around them to smoke. Oh, and if you think smokers are immune to Covid, you're dreaming. They've damaged their lungs. The thinness gained from sucking on cigarettes is not healthy slimness.
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Yes kids should be taught about healthy eating but that still gives you no right to give your opinion about someone else's health based in the way you think they look. It's not your business to teach other people that did not ask and it certainly shouldn't extend to body shaming children. It only makes it much worse causing more health problems than you wrote. Lifetime of mental health problems body issue problems anorexia drug abuse depression anxiety dysmorphia all just as damaging and deadly as what you wrote. So teach your kids in a healthy way and keep your mouth shut and your unasked opinion to yourself. You could push someone to hurt themselves or worse w your irresponsible "medical advice" disguised as caring.
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Yes you are absolutely saying this to discredit how she feels just bc you feel differently. It wasn't just one adult that made her feel this way this was just one instance that she remembers was particularly egregious if you read what she wrote you'd have seen that. Why try and control how other people feel just bc you don't feel this way? Young girls and women are always the targets of body shaming more so than men. To prove that dad bods are celebrated and even found attractive but god forbid a woman doesn't lose her baby weight. Little girls are targeted early on in the media and by people that feel the need to comment on others bodies. Girls are always expected to live up to crazy body trends and pressure to stay thin is enormous. Men are made to feel bad about going bald.
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"I need to save you from yourself" - because cheerleading is a self-destructive act for an 11-year-old?? Is he in the habit of pre-emptively crushing kids' dreams under the pretense of "caring"?
Yes. What an asshat. Should learn to shut his gob instead of embarassing children in front of their friends.
Load More Replies... This reminds me to the "psycologist" of out middle school. She was there supposedly to guide us but she was a useless cruel moron. One of my friends struggled paying attention in class and her grades werent good. She was smart but not motivated, maybe she had poor studying skills, maybe she had attention deficit, I do not know. At 15 we needed to chose which branch we wanted to follow (science, humanities, arts) at 16 the classes were almost the same with a few differences and after in HS they were different. My friend wanted to do science and this bitch told her "you are too stupid to do that". She quit school and only finished years later. F*****g asshole who was supposed to help us and only destroyed my friends self steem and future.
something similar happened to me from 6th to 9th grade basically, teacher of my native language told me I can't speak it, I'm too dumb for hs graduation exams and should just go to cook school cause I will not be able to graduate HS, I went to hs out of spite and got the highest mark and graduated, to this day she is the only person I literally hate, she crushed my childhood dreams of being a writer for years ☹️
Load More Replies... I was 23 years old, uni. We had music lesson (classical music history) We were talking about playing instruments and I told the teacher I could play the piano. The teacher's reply stung and it still does. "Any idiot can play the piano"
wow, totally uncalled for rudeness. Well it certainly isn't true, i don't know how to play the piano, i think anyone that can is talented!
Load More Replies... Wow. Just wow. I was a cheerleader growing up n even though one of my best friends was a bit curvier than the rest of the team, (which I don't see why weight matters here anyway. Not being a size 0 doesn't mean u can't be a good cheerleader) she was the best cheerleader on our team. Unfortunately, She was made fun of a lot for being "the big girl" on the team... but i think that she used that as motivation to get as good as she could and it paid off. She was such a good gymnast. She was super fucken strong and could throw the fliers so high in the air.. like ridiculously high. Higher than the two boys on the team. She was also the best dancer too. There was nothing she couldn't do and her weight held absolutely no bearing on how talented she was or how she performed in general. I wanna say that she was probably like 155-165 lbs at her "heaviest" (she was very busty n these days ppl would pay good money for her backside! Very curvy n beautiful. Think Ashley Graham) she's a coach now too
If it can't be fixed in 5 minutes then you shouldn't make a comment about it. It's one of the things I always keep in the back of my head.
I agree that commenting on peoples bodies for whatever reason is a terrible idea, and we should drill that concept into people's heads. That being said, we will inevitably hear unkind things said about ourselves and it's important to also build strong, confident, resilient, kids who can cope with such comments. That's an important life skill, since you cannot control others, only your own behavior.
Yes at the same time we also need to let kids feel how they feel and not tell them they need to ignore the bullies. That teaches them their feelings are invalid.
Load More Replies... I had a teacher tell me I was stupid and made me sit in front of the classroom with a "dummy hat" on. I was in 5th grade and the reason I was "stupid" was that I spelled Missouri wrong on a test. I was so ashamed and laughed at. Just another reason I'm not a people person. When I was 14, we lived in a small town, dominantly white. My mom, out of the blue, told me if I ever dated anyone black she would disown me. ??? Other been her being racist, I don't know what brought the subject up. It hurt me. There are things people say that stick with you for life. I'll never forget them.
That is a jerk. I had a similar issue in school but mine was due to me being a quiet kid (social anxiety). I was 6'1" at the start of the 9th grade that would stick to my self and after eating lunch lunch go to the library for a noise break. My school counselor decided that was school shooter list material regardless that I had friends outside of school, went to a church and sung in the choir. Anyhow it lead to me being singled out Everytime for the wand(metal detector)being questioned, confronted by school police. So yeah I am glad I had those friends outside of school because my social life within school went to zero but the ridicule did have an effect on my grades.
There's another problem here besides someone making hurtful comment to an 11yo. It's that an adult made a statement about the attractiveness of a child's body. This person should absolutely not be in a position of authority over children.
"You don't need to focus on your weight. Pay attention to the good parts of yourself: your face, your hair, your talents and abilities. You do nothing good for yourself if you focus on what you deem 'bad' about yourself." --my mother, after I hinted that I was insecure about my weight.
It would be interesting to track the nasty teacher down, and see what he's like today. I like to think he's grown, and matured, and feels terrible about some of the things he did... but I doubt it.
He was already an adult when he told a pubescent girl that her body was unsuitable for a cheerleader uniform. That does not bode well for him maturing and is deeply creepy. A grown man should not be policing young girl's bodies.
Load More Replies... A doctor said to my best friend when she was around 11 “ you’ll never be skinny like me and your mom “. She’s 43 now and still thinks about that comment. Not that it matters but she is skinny now ! She cut dairy and meat out of her diet and lost 50 lbs
well, a GP is supposed to address medical problems and weight is a big one on health. She certainly could have said it in a more polite way though :/
Load More Replies... This s**t of making off handed comments to dismiss or demean someone is why Karen Carpenter struggled her entire life with body image issues which eventually lead to her death.
That was largely down to her mother, who was a deeply nasty woman.
Load More Replies... I soo feel this girl. As a teenager, my body developed faster than the other girls in my class. That led to daily cat calling on the street and bullying from the boys in school. But nothing was worse that a teacher's comment, which she made in front of the class: "You should get a job as a secretary, because you are a busty girl". The insult and humiliation were overwhelming. I hated her for years.
I wish I didn't feel twice as crushed when women cut down girls.
Load More Replies... I had a similar experience when as a 15 year old girl I was critiqued in my theater class, for needing to embrace more comedy roles and focus on character acting because I wasn't built like a leading actress. It was ok because there was still room in the theater for heavy people. And she said this in front of my whole class. I was a size 12 and already hyper insecure about being bigger than my class mates. It was one of my most embarrassing moments. I turn 33 soon and that is still clear as a bell in my mind. I stopped stage acting not long after.
I remember a guy from my school said to me "I thought you were only ugly from far away but close up you're just as ugly" and I think he meant it to be funny but that absolutely destroyed the last fragment of what little self esteem I had to begin with.
I had a crush on an older classmate, and one day he said to me, "Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?" I said "no" and he said, "Did you ever wonder why?" Jerk. But he was that way to a lot of people, so, whatever.
Load More Replies... I was the fat kid in school and i would be weighed in front of the class, they would have these like tongue things and you pull your fat and measure the tyre and show how fat you are, theyd make me run at the front of the PE because i couldnt keep up, left school with anorexia, ironically i over exercised and ate nothing so got very ill.
After the summer, at 16, my female gym teacher, while my class and I were doing laps around the school, yelled at me from afar "you've gained a little weight, haven't you?". I had, actually. But is that the best way to address it, as an educator of gymnastics, nonetheless? She could have put me aside and asked me if I needed some advice to lose weight, if anything. Or she could just have kept it to herself, since she is most definitely not a doctor. Another teacher, a man this time, one day decided to do a "round up" of the girls in the classroom and make an estimate of how each bellybutton looked like. Seriously. Like: "You, innie. You, outie. You, also outie..." and so on. And he clearly meant: innie= you're skinny, outie=you're fat. A male overweight teacher in his sixties. And mind you: it was 15-ish years ago, not the 1950's...
"Do you REALLY need to eat that???" said my Mum to me, when I was around 5. I was only reaching for a piece of fruit. That one statement led to a lifetime of eating disorders and I still hear it in my head almost every day...
I grew up abasing myself, and putting myself down, from about third year/grade on. I remember second grade somehow not being as much fun as kindergarten ( pre first year) and first year/grade. I guess I learned how unacceptable I was that year. I do remember looking at the hopscotch diagram on the playground, which was ruled during recess by the big awesome kids of fourth and fifth,. Then the lower grades as the older ones went in. I sometimes had to wait for my mom a little while. I remember thinking " I could do that" and knowing I would never get the chance. Also being forced through the hell that is field day, whee we all found out who could run jump,, and climb the best. I was never the winner. I remember reading about a little girl named Frannie, in a great book about a Tree That Grows in Brooklyn, and how she had many of the same experiences I had. Yeah I think the world stamps us pretty young with self hatred.
My sisters oldest boy, 12 years old. Beautiful chubby boy. His grandmother (from his fathers side) cant helpnherself but constantly reminding him that he is to fat. On his birthday, happily playing in the pool, and eating his fries she started again. He got so angry, telling her that she has no right to talk to him like that. Naturally we are all very proud that he did that. Sadly enough she is to dumb to change herself. I find myself telling those boys, that they are perfect the way they are, and that their grandmother is the one that needs to change, rhat they should never believe a word she says when they hurt.
I was the reverse - skinny as hell nick name was scrawny- loved sports no your to skinny you'll get hurt. Teachers every one called me that! Words do hurt and make you want to hide. So I got love and understanding from books and animals great substitutes!
Any teacher should know better. Their role is to educate and instill confidence in what you do with your life. He is indeed an asshat of the first degree.
I was a "Husky" (actually a department at the store where we shopped) until I was 11. Weighed myself on Thanksgiving for some reason, I had lost 25 pounds in a few months. My dad said if I lost another 20 BEFORE CHRISTMAS he'd buy me the bike I wanted. BUT I had to lose another 5 before I could ride it. Hello to a lifetime of eating disorders. Six years ago, I weighed 109 (I'm 5'8). One of my sister's friends remarked that I looked awfully thin and my sister breezily said "don't worry, she'll gain it back". She's a size 22. But she was right...I got Covid and gained 100 during quarantine. Now, I'm ashamed to leave the house. Words/actions matter.
There was a teacher in my elementary school named Flynn who talking to a kid named Fitzpatrick during a school festival for the end of the school year. Me and the other kid were going to be going into the 7th grade the next school year. Anyway they were talking about their Irish names and I said that 'I'm Irish too'. The teacher told me that name wasn't an Irish name. I was confused because my name is Mullen and my G-g-grandfather came Ireland. It's been 43 years and I haven't forgotten that little interaction.
I feel this deep. I did Pop Warner cheerleading (starts at age like 4 to age 15, city-based thing) for 5 years, starting at age 9. Much like this person, I was more “round” than other girls. I can’t tell you how many times I heard from both adults and kids that I “didn’t look like a cheerleader” or was “too fat to be a cheerleader”. It was even worse when they found out I did ballet for a few years. Wonder if this person’s sub was only picturing the professional sports cheerleaders that basically wear a sports bra and booty shorts. Don’t apply that image to a kid!
My first encounter with a teacher saying an inappropriate thing that still haunts me to this day...........I was a fresh immigrant from England in 4th grade. My homeroom teacher asked to ask "Mr. Feeney" to borrow the "phonograph". I didn't know what a phonograph was and, of course, never heard that word before. I shyly went to Mr. Feeney & asked him for it. Perhaps, I didn't pronounce it well, but, remember, the word was "foreign" to me. He must have understood what I was saying (because he gave me the phonograph), but commented, "For someone who was born in England, you don't speak English very well". I was devastated as you can tell....I recall it like it was yesterday & I'm 71 years old! I developed a speech impediment after that and withdrew from my usual outgoing self. I hope Mr. Feeney is rotting in hell!
I can vouch for the damage. I was the only kid in 4th grade who wore glasses and took a fair amount of teasing about "4-eyes". One day Sister Mary Ignatius sent me to the board with a math problem. Not only did I have no clue about working the problem, but she added to my humiliation by remarking that I "looked like a little beaver in my glasses! I'm 85 now, and that explains why there are very few photos of me younger than about 50.
When I was in HS, I ended up missing 10 days of school due to being out of the country visiting family so I was sent to the "bad" kid school for a semester. As someone who did well in school, it was a bit of a pain but I worked through it. One day they brought in a counselor to talk to all of us. We all had to meet with her one on one and she asked me what I wanted to be once I graduated. I told her I wanted to be a psychologist, at the time I did. It was clear she just assumed we all had not much of a future and pretty much discouraged me from perusing this field and made sure I knew that it took a lot of schooling I mean a lot. I didn't give her much importance but it always stayed with me. I chose nutrition instead and have a fulfilling career in public health, but now that I am older I am thinking of all those kids who weren't actually bad, they were just dealt shitty cards, and the fact that she probably discouraged them from doing something they really wanted to do.
I had a teacher in 5th grade that made notice that I didn't have any socks on - it was winter and we lived paycheck to paycheck - mom was sick and we dried clothes on the oven door - we were going to a school concert off site - my mom had saved the 50.00 to send me to these events - I loved them - when the teacher made me stand in front of the class to question me about my socks I felt awful - got to the concert where all the schools in San Antonio attended and I felt like everyone knew I didnt have socks on - I hid my feet the entire time (3 hours) to this day I make sure I always have socks available and when I had kids I was a fantatic that they always had clean socks even if I had to wash at midnight - when grandkids come over and spend the night I always have socks for them. I can remember it as it was yesterday and I am 65 yrs old. The teacher didn't do it out of concern - she looked down on all of us - I still remember her name - Ms. Greene
You could have had him sooooo fired. This is so wrong on so many levels. I would bet he was a psychopath who became a teacher just to be around children.
I was told at 8 years old by a teacher that they'd never seen a child as fat as I was. This was well over 55 years ago and it still stings.
What that teacher said / did was awful. However, the fact that those words still affect her to this day, almost 20 years later, is also wrong. Just like people need to learn how to shut their mouths if they have nothing good to say, people also need to learn not to care about things like these. Ultimately each of us give other's words the power that WE want to give them. Like, why would we care about what a substitute teacher that we met for an hour 17 years ago had to say about us?
The younger you are, the less prepared you could be, to deal with this. So, the more grown up you are, the more you are responsible to look out for yourself, regarding this issue of people saying things to you. So, if you're a grown person and still suffer from this, it's more your fault then the other adult saying things.
Yup, life can be cruel and unfair, and part of growing up is learning how to deal with it. Maybe that involves therapy or something, but get to it and move on!
Load More Replies... I wonder why american students want so bad to be cheerleaders that it leaves scars in them.
That guy seems sad and takes it out on others. Maybe deep down, he wants to be a cheerleader himself but can't.
No, he's just a pedo who spends way too much time looking at young girl's bodies.
Load More Replies... you need real problems Love. Get a grip. If words (that are true) affect you for this long then you simply aren’t gunna make it. Utter nonsense.
Says the man sniffing and judging strangers through a screen.
Load More Replies... Seriously? A grown man is obsessing about 11 to 12 year old girl's bodies and whether they meet his standards enough for a cheerleader uniform - and you think it's harmless? This guy was disturbingly creepy on top of being a rude jerk.
Load More Replies... It's terrible what he said. But you need real help with caring what other people say. That guy has long forgotten, but he's still taking heavy space in your head. You need to stop letting him have that much power. I know thats not easy. I learned that unless it's someone I respect and care for, the opinion is irrelevant. And I mean it. You must get that weight out of your head, and if you can, you'll never care what people say ever again. You can desensitize your triggers with effort. There is some good reading on this, just google. Good luck, you are worth it.
I'd thank the teacher for "traumatising" or shall I say "motivating" me into staying in shape. I'm grateful like that. She looks in shape too. Pretty sure his words had something to do with it. And yet all the complaints. Berate me all you want. But this story could have gone 2 ways.
Tell me I'm wrong if you think I am: my side of the fam is slim naturally. My husband's fam is overweight. All of them. I think we all have the genetic make up to make us one way or the other. My sons are like my husband. They have to count calories and exercise, a lot, in order to maintain a healthy weight. When my oldest was a senior in high school and could leave the school for lunch, that's when he started gaining weight. All of the sudden he could eat fast food five days a week without me knowing. He got pretty big. And I talked to him about it. I didn't berate him. I didn't shame him( not on purpose anyway) I was concerned about health. Hubs fam has almost all 300 lbs. or more family members and I didn't want my kids to go down a road that was too hard to get back from. You can lose 10 pounds. But losing 150?? People do it and I commend them. But given the family history? My husband has to watch everything he eats to maintain a healthy weight. I want my kids to too.
Okay so i have a couple thoughts on this. First is of one of my brothers when he was in highschool and he was SO passionate about basketball and he was very good at it. His PE teacher told him he was too short to have any future in basketball and it crushed him, it broke his spirit and to this day he still remembers this. He quit basketball and I believe it to have changed his future, not for the better. My second thought is this teacher thought that she would be humiliated when she performed infront of the school because he knows how kids think and was trying to prevent her from experiencing that but he didn't broach it in a good way at all. There was a girl on the heavy side at my school that went into cheer leading and when she did a jump her shirt and skirt went up high and the whole stadium retched in unison quite loudly the girl ran off crying. The reality is kids are cruel, especially to fat people and he probably forsaw an incident like that
"The whole stadium retched in unison." And then everyone clapped--for YOU!
Load More Replies... A fat person can't hurt other people with second-hand fat. A smoker forces everyone around them to smoke. Oh, and if you think smokers are immune to Covid, you're dreaming. They've damaged their lungs. The thinness gained from sucking on cigarettes is not healthy slimness.
Load More Replies... Yes kids should be taught about healthy eating but that still gives you no right to give your opinion about someone else's health based in the way you think they look. It's not your business to teach other people that did not ask and it certainly shouldn't extend to body shaming children. It only makes it much worse causing more health problems than you wrote. Lifetime of mental health problems body issue problems anorexia drug abuse depression anxiety dysmorphia all just as damaging and deadly as what you wrote. So teach your kids in a healthy way and keep your mouth shut and your unasked opinion to yourself. You could push someone to hurt themselves or worse w your irresponsible "medical advice" disguised as caring.
Load More Replies... Yes you are absolutely saying this to discredit how she feels just bc you feel differently. It wasn't just one adult that made her feel this way this was just one instance that she remembers was particularly egregious if you read what she wrote you'd have seen that. Why try and control how other people feel just bc you don't feel this way? Young girls and women are always the targets of body shaming more so than men. To prove that dad bods are celebrated and even found attractive but god forbid a woman doesn't lose her baby weight. Little girls are targeted early on in the media and by people that feel the need to comment on others bodies. Girls are always expected to live up to crazy body trends and pressure to stay thin is enormous. Men are made to feel bad about going bald.
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