Man Praised For Kicking Sister Out After She Repeatedly Violated “No Gluten” Rule And Harmed His Child
“Family” is a fascinating term that, for some people, conjures up the warmest feelings and, for others, the worst panic attacks.
We are in charge of choosing who we let close, but it’s not always as simple as some might think: be it those back-stabbing colleagues, manipulative bosses, so-called friends that won’t miss a chance to gossip behind your back, or toxic family members – the list could go on and on.
But there comes a time in everyone’s life when cutting out problematic people becomes necessary. Sometimes, it’s hard to see the damage through your own eyes; perhaps you’ve been conditioned to believe that this type of behavior is normal, or maybe you just don’t want to accept the fact that your loved one is capable of harming you, so you simply ignore it – however, there’s a certain line that should not be crossed.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, cutting ties with your toxic family members is the best way to go
Image source: Think YUM! (not the actual photo)
“AITA for kicking my sister out for bringing gluten into our gluten-free kitchen?” – this father sought advice from a popular Reddit community after he kicked his sister out for jeopardizing his child’s health. The post has managed to receive 17K upvotes and 3.2K comments discussing the situation.
Dad is praised by netizens for kicking out sister for cooking foods containing gluten in their kitchen
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
The man began his post by revealing that his daughter is on the more severe end of celiac disease, meaning that she’s highly sensitive to gluten. He said that any cross-contamination would set her back for weeks and that it has taken years to get her diagnosed and treated. The 10-year-old is underweight and has extreme anxiety regarding food; she won’t eat things if she thinks that they’re unsafe.
The author’s daughter has a celiac disease, so items containing gluten are only allowed in the kitchenette
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
The man’s sister moved in and kept using the kitchen and cooking foods containing banned ingredients, despite being warned that it’s a no-go area
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
The family’s house has a kitchen and a kitchenette in the basement. The main rule is that there should be no dairy, gluten or seafood anywhere in the kitchen. The kitchenette is used for items containing those ingredients.
The thing is, the author’s sister and her children had to move in due to personal reasons. They lived in the basement bedrooms and were previously warned about the rule – however, it took less than a week for the man to find a box of pasta in the kitchen.
Once again, the couple explained the rule and moved the box. A month later, the OP’s daughter ran to him in panic because his beloved sister was making fried chicken in the kitchen. She was apologetic but argued that the kitchenette was too small.
One time she was making fried chicken, which left the girl terrified. The family also had to throw away any utensil she may have used, just to avoid triggering the daughter’s anxiety
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
Sometime later, the OP caught his mother and sister preparing an entire Sunday dinner
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
He absolutely lost it, threw the food out into the yard, and kicked his sister out
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
They ended up moving all of the food to the basement, throwing out every single utensil she may have used and deep-cleaning the kitchen. Sadly, the items made the kitchen no longer safe and caused the daughter’s rehabilitation to go backwards. The family’s working on it, but the situation is not ideal, and they have to feed her exclusively with food from a specific gluten-free restaurant.
Sometime later, the father caught his offspring having the worst panic attack he’s ever seen, and guess who’s to blame? His mother and sister were in the kitchen making an entire Sunday dinner. Spaghetti, mozzarella sticks, garlic bread – you name it.
Naturally, the author lost it. He went off on the women, saying that they were ruining his life and had threatened his daughter’s life for the last time. The OP threw all of the food into the yard and told his sister to skedaddle.
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
The man edited the post, explaining the “inpatient care” comment that he made
Image source: poorunfortunatgluten
Image source: openfoodfacts (not the actual photo)
The man’s mom was angry; apparently, she was mad at the OP for kicking his sister and her kids out over “a food allergy” when they were so vulnerable. He said that she’s more than welcome to leave her offspring at the house if she needs to, but he’s done with her selfish behavior.
The wife agreed, yet believed that it’d be good to give the sister one last chance and simply restrict her from bringing any food inside the house. Last but pretty major detail – the author’s mother cannot take his sister in and the woman can’t afford rent anywhere, so she would be homeless if they didn’t let her stay.
What do you think about this situation? Do you agree with the author’s approach or would you have handled it differently?
Fellow Reddit users shared their thoughts on this matter
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I hope he never leaves either of his children alone with either grandma or aunt again. They either refuse to get educated on celiac disease and/or they just blatantly don't care. If I was cooking something and my niece had a full blown panic attack, I would feel like a monster.
I don't blame this guy. If you've ever had someone with Celiacs in your life, you know the horrible s**t that they have to go through just to eat. I can't stand it when people are insensitive to this, and it's made worse by the normies who demonize gluten.
Agreed. My best friend has severe celiacs and part of her bowels removed. Going gluten free isn’t a big deal for me and cleaning down and ensuring there is NONE in my house is my way of saying ‘I love you and want you to live a long life’. Plus she’s just as understanding with the things I’m severely allergic to. Protect your loved ones be they friends or family!
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His sister is an adult who chose to break the rules, his daughter is a child who did not choose an autoimmune disease, so it is an easy choice who to support.
I wouldn't just kick them out of my house, I'd cut them off completely. If you can't afford a roof over your head, don't mess with the lives of people who give you one.
Gah, what an awful woman! I have several family members with allergies and I try very hard to make mine a safe place for them to eat!! I wonder if the OP has ever considered an Allergy Alert Dog? They can train dogs to scent gluten and alert to it. Having something like that might help the daughter feel better about eating.
That's a really great idea. It's not not only life saving but it would help with her justifiable anxiety & food related PTSD.
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They might as well as have been cooking with poison in the end. Maybe he should prepare some fried chicken with maybe a little too much laxative powder mixed in for the sister and mother's personal consumption.
Laxative powder is rarely actually bad for you. It just makes you uncomfortable. Poison is a good analogy, though. Gluten turns our own enzymes into tiny machetes
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My dad developed a soy allergy later in life. We've completely changed how we do meals and have found safe products. He's even gotten rashes from plastic bags To be inconsiderate to another person's food allergies or intolerances is cruel to the extreme. Op protected his daughter as he should. I hope she knows how much he cares for her.
Never mess with people's food. I don't care if it's because they have known allergies or illnesses, or if it's they say they don't like it. Just respect it and move on. Ask my mom and she'll tell you that I had no allergies as a child and that she thinks it's strange that I have them now. That I refused to eat certain foods as a child was because I was rude and me becoming sick was me faking it. It was all in my head according to her. It was when I had kids of my own, who also has food allergies, that I finally got diagnosed too. Life without constant stomach pain is amazing! Being able to sit at the table and eat without being nauseous and gasping for air is fantastic! There are more people like me out there. They know they don't like to eat some foods, but don't know it's because of allergies. I told a colleague this and she told me she didn't like to eat shrimp and avoided it all her life. Then one day there was a work meeting with lunch and someone didn't respect her request for "no shrimp". She ate one before realizing it was there. The next she couldn't breathe and they had to call an ambulance for her. Listen to people when it comes to food. Their reason is theirs to have.
Exactly! Why you eat or don't eat something is not anyone's business but yours.. I would never it would never give someone food that I knew they didn't want to eat, for whatever reason.. My husband is allergic to shellfish and could die if he eats shrimp or crab or shellfish. My Brother was allergic to peanuts and couldn't sit next to an open jar of peanut butter.. So, oh, even if I didn't have personal experience with allergies, if someone tells me they don't like something or they don't eat something then I respect that. I don't see people complaining because they can't feed pork chops to orthodox Jewish. Or beef to Hindus.
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He tried to give them a chance. Three chances and what did they do? Putting your niece or granddaughter in a life threatening and unhealthy situations because you can't keep your wheat away from her - Disgusting!!!!!
They should get a service dog trained to detect gluten. That would be life-changing for the poor daughter. F**k only 10 and having to deal with this b******t!
I agree with you, but what if the daughter is allergic to dogs or animals in general? Never know on that one. It is something to consider if she isn't. And if she isn't allergic, the dog would not only help her when it comes to food, it would also help her anxiety. And I understand her anxiety. With it being so high, it's not easy to keep it low enough to do anything.
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I'm betting that somewhere in those "overreacting" and "throwing tantrums" conversations was talk about purposefully feeding the daughter gluten, because "everyone knows that exposing kids to their allergens will help them get over it".
I'm sure that Nana (and probably the sister) have slipped that kid gluten more than once over the last several years in order to "prove" that the coeliac diagnosis was wrong. Once diagnosed, I'm sure his daughter started feeling better when eating, but if her nana or aunt slipped her gluten she'd be in pain again and feel she just couldn't trust food. His daughter sounds like she has ptsd related to food and triggered as every mealtime approaches. Imagine having a grandmother who doesn't care if you are in pain, have panic attacks and have parts of your body physically damaged because she thinks she knows more than doctors/medicine/science. Disease or no disease, your house rules are to be followed. If someone doesn't agree with them or chooses not to follow them, they are welcome to stay somewhere else.
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How are you on the brink of homelessness and the ONE rule you have to abide by in order to keep a roof over your head is to NOT prepare food that makes your niece sick? I can't with people.
My mom got celiac intolerance during her last pregnancy. Somewhere in the midrange. But she has her own freezer and pantry shelf's, also her own pots and pans. And god help anyone who dare to even accidently commit the sin of cross - contamination. Thankfully the whole extended family gets it
Definitely NTA. I am a celiac and share your daughter's fear of food. I spent so much of my life afraid to eat because it always made me feel sick. I am not as severe, as your daughter, but even a small amount of gluten can make me sick for WEEKS. If I get glutened, it takes about 2 weeks and a special, even more strict diet before feeling better. It isn't as if there is an oops and I have one bad night, it takes weeks of recovery. I do often feel like an AH or a pain in the bum because of my disease. I feel like I miss out on so much. I hate that my family has to take special precautions or that I can't eat at certain restaurants because I do not feel safe. You are definitely not an AH for keeping your daughter safe.
I have had friends (2) who died because dinner hosts did not take their food allergies seriously. So, the OP has every right to his strong response. His sister has to face the consequences of her own selfishness.
To me, it doesn't really matter why the rule was made. It IS a rule, and should be followed. The first time it was broken, I would've been angry. The second time, I would've been livid. And there would've been no third time. Sis would've been out on her a**e when I had to replace most of the stuff in my kitchen because of her idiocy. The sheer audacity of the GUESTS in this situation is astounding.
As someone who has celiac very sensitively and who has a daughter who has celiac I completely agree and would have been furious and also kicked them out. Celiac is serious and really effects ones health and for many anxiety. Your child should not have to be constantly stressed because they don't have any care or respect for her health or boundaries and rules etc. I have experienced this from my own family unfortunately especially my father having no understanding or care and refusing to educate themself on celiac and food allergies(I also have allergies and intolerances, my daughter has intolerances). People like this p**s me off who don't respect other's health. To me what makes it even worse is it's your home and they have a kitchenette and you were welcoming them into your home. I don't blame you at all, it's so horrible people, especially family do this.
Making the nephews also homeless is tough, as it's not their fault, but you got to look after your kids. I have a friend whose daughter (in her 20s) has had severe eating disorder, and has been hospitalized several times. This poor girl is at such high risk (and clearly already suffers from severe anxiety as well as a serious illness). What her aunt did was cruel. I lived in an apartment with ONLY a kitchenette. I made lots of large meals in there, and it was a pain, but doable. So this was really just not wanting to be inconvenienced, and instead putting this girl through hell. For the sake of argument, let's say this girl had nothing physically wrong with her, and just had food anxiety alone. It would STILL be cruel what this woman was doing, and the grandmother should be banned from the house too in my opinion.
Poor daughter. I think also those assholes who simply claim to be gluten-intolerant made it much harder for everyone with celiac‘s
I don’t have celiacs but have worked with students who do and it goes far beyond an allergy. It could be life threatening because their body cannot process it at all. I don’t think he should let his sister back in the house
I'd also make the sister decontaminate the kitchen after each offense too. Yeah, I'd redo it. But her having to scrub and sanitize might make her realize how serious it is
She'll never realize how serious it is. Because she doesn't care.
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As someone who has a sibling with ZERO respect for anyone's boundaries but their own, I believe the OP is right in sending the sister and mom out of his family's life. I thought this was too harsh myself, until a therapist walked me through my sib's behavior and reminded me that one CAN take a restraining order out on a family member. I didn't, but went LC/NC. Bottom line: If you won't tolerate that behavior from a stranger, your family doesn't get a pass either. It's not worth the trauma to the OP's own family.
This made me think about my fish allergy and my dad's family. I am allergic to fish in both eating it and I can't be around it if it is frying. I can't be around it when it's frying because the smell will cause an asthma attack and I can't eat it because it will cause my mouth and throat to start itching. My dad's family loves fried fish, so when they get together that's what they like to cook. I usually have to stay in a different room with the door closed so that I can't smell it. However, if my allergy made me deathly sick, you better believe they would do whatever they have to do to protect me.
I feel you. My husband is so allergic to peanuts he can't even be in a Thai restaurant because they cook some of the things in peanut oil. Same with kitschy steak restaurants that put peanuts out on the table where they let guests toss the shells onto the floor. The dust gets to him. He also can't use crushed walnut shell in the sand blaster in his shop, he has to use alternatives even though they're inferior. We can have peanut products in the house, but if I make a sandwich with peanut butter, he refuses to touch the knife or the plate, and we can't kiss afterwards until I brush my teeth.
Load More Replies... Dude as a person who lost an organ and endured starvation because my body stopped absorbing nutrients and parent of a daughter who has spent hospital time inpatient -- both because of celiac disease-- f**k these f*****s right in the ear. People die from celiac disease. And this child is deeply traumatized. I see it in my kid, too. People laugh about how grown up she is when she's offered food and she'll say something like, "Is there any wheat, barley, or rye in this?" Like no, dude, it's not funny. She shouldn't be AFRAID of food. She's also on the edge of an eating disorder. Things have gotten much better now that we have an entirely gluten free home, including dog food. It truly makes a difference.
I don't think the sister believes Celiac disease is a real thing and will never stop until she did something that will end up hurting her own niece. If she has been warned many times and she won't abide by that one rule, then sorry but she needs to go. The safety of a child outweighs whatever b******t we adults have to deal with.
People like the OPs sister and mom disgust me. How dare they purposefully do something that they KNOW will hurt a child and then act like the victims! I hope they are permanently out of the OPs life!
what I don't understand is that the sister would be homeless if not for him, and she knew it! So why would she still blatantly disregard rules and put his daughters life in danger when she relies on this guy so much? it seems like a very stupid move to me-she should be more grateful
Totally within his rights to kick her out. Close relatives always end up being the worst kind of "family".
My kitchen is basically a kitchenette. Each apartment I've had in the last decade+ has one or two burners that function and I have a toaster oven. If I can make a small Thanksgiving meal for my kids, you can make dinner. Yes, some things might not be super hot and may need to reheated prior to being put on a plate, but it isn't that hard. Especially if you are a GUEST and you options are respecting medical issues and your family being homeless. Sister and mom are stupid at best (not ignorant, they were informed) or just don't care about OP's family. My sister was GF for over a decade, thought she had celiac but now they think she has a super slow digestive system so a GF diet helped her a lot. She is gluten sensitive though and she does have a lot of intestinal damage, close to Crohns, before they figured out the gluten sensitivity. I'm lactose intolerant. I visited her for 5 weeks with my infant a few years ago. She made sure I knew how to prevent cross contamination in her kitchen. I respected her rules. I didn't use her milk, she tried to cook with as little milk as possible, and I didn't fling gluten all over the place because I wanted to bake. If I wanted cookies, I bought some and kept them in the Gluten Cabinet. My niece is allergic to pine trees. Yes, it is hilarious. No, we don't clean with Pine Sol. It really isn't that hard to accommodate allergies and food sensitivities. If you aren't a selfish A-hole.
NTA. If he does agree with his wife and give out one last chance, first take both the sister, her children and his mother along to his daughter's medical team and get their help thoroughly explaining the disease and its symptoms and risks. At the moment the OP may just be coming across to them as overprotective and following trends - clearly they need far better information from medical authorities.
I'm upset that Grandma was so dismissive, that it's just a "food allergy". The last Reddit thread I saw about a grandparent dismissing her grandchild's severe allergy to coconut led to the child's death. Needless to say, she hasn't seen her daughter or surviving grandchildren since.
Sister would have been gone after the chicken incident. The box of pasta? Unless they make their own gluten free pasta, any they get in the grocery have been sitting on a shelf next to boxes of regular pasta, anyway. She forgot. It was still in a box. Okay. The fried chicken, though, was deliberate and done in front of a child having a panic attack over it. A child whose home you are begging a roof from. Then to have to tear the kitchen apart, buy new cookware and cutlery, and watch your child regress to the point of self-starvation?! She’d have been gone then. Keeping the kids is both kind and generous, but she’d have been gone. This third time? I’d have called the police. That was a deliberate assault.
As someone with celiac, I can see how OP was stressed. I have a severe case that also sets me back weeks but will also make me throw up the meal as well as any snacks, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It has already screwed me over and caused my growth deficiency.
As someone who has celiac disease, lactose intolerance and is a vegetarian...food boundaries are NON-Negotiable. We are supposed to feel safe nourishing our bodies, not afraid. NTA!!!!
I think Dad needs to make an appointment with daughters Dr and have the Dr explain to these to inconsiderate people the danger they are putting the daughter in. I'm with Dad kick sis out she has zero respect for your household and family.
That sounds incredibly horrible. I have coeliac but I only react strongly to barley, so I was diagnosed very late at 30 —after about TWO DECADES of being incredibly tired and low energy. I had vitamin deficiencies and severe anemia, and I was only given depression medication that made me even sleepier. I also about doubled my weight, because after growing up in a neglectful home and finally moving out, I actually could eat whatever whenever I wanted, and suddenly the "I never feel hungry" (I could go days without eating proper food during my late childhood/teens bc I was too anxious to go eat in front of my family) changed into "I am ALWAYS hungry". So I pretty much only stayed awake long enough to get absolute minimum done to be able to afford rent and food, napped a lot, ate, and cried, and slept some more. Sleeping 16 hrs a night was regular occurrence to me.
After my diagnosis, my life has improved so much; I still have plenty of mental health issues from everything and a delightful amount of other autoimmune issues (which could be related to the coeliac or not, who knows), but I don't actually pass out from getting up a few stairs now. Also, if we go to TMI territory, my poop is actually pretty light brown instead of very dark brown now. Turns out my intestines had been bleeding most of my life.
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You know, it doesn't matter why you made the rule. The bottom line is it is your house, this b***h was living there for free, and it was one rule. Grandmother would never be allowed in my house ever again. I mean, your daughter has a very real problem. It's a horrible problem it's a horrible problem it's a horrible problem period of all the allergies and all the sensitivities in the world, comma the ones that affect the diethat affect the digestive system and the bowels are the worst. I feel terrible for people who have those problems. Those problems. But the bottom line, like I said, it's your house . If she doesn't like your rules, she can move her a*s out.
NTA. He's literally trying to save his daughter's life. My sister has celiac. It destroys your gastrointestinal system if left untreated and constantly abused.
First: your house your rules! Ignorance is the issue here! Once women were diagnosed with hysteria when they went to the doctors and asked for help handling severe depression and anxiety. That was ages ago! As in the last Millenium! Your daughter had one safe haven, her home. Your sister took that away from her. The rest of your life, your daughter will meet people every where she goes that will meet her with the same "it's just hysteria"- attitude. In time, with a lot of patience, she will learn to endure. But she should not have to endure what your sister did! And neither should your mother. Educate them about celiac. If they still don't get it, their problem. Shouldn't be yours and certainly not your daughters.
Absolutely NTA. Celiac disease is very serious, especially when one is one the severe spectrum. When gluten is introduced it is extremely painful once it gets to the gut. It actually does damage to the lining of the gut. Enough damage will interfere with the absorption of nutrients. That’s why before the disease was figured out and a solution found, pictures of children with the disease had enlarged abdomens and were almost emaciated because essentially they were starving. Yes. The kitchen does have to be adjusted to separate things for his daughter and things for the rest of the family and does not cross over. One of my dearest friends has it and has to be oh so careful. If mistakes are made, she is doubled over in pain. Ignorant, inconsiderate and no consideration for his daughter’s safety and well being at all. Keep her away from their very toxic and dangerous behaviour.
Wtf. What is wrong with her? How could you be so unconcerned towards the health of someone, especially your family? This poor girl has already a lot to deal with, and maybe even a PTSD. She litterally put the life of your daughter in danger, and destroy the progress she made with her mental health. I swear, the more i read this ,the more i became angry. I don't know your daughter, but my heart broke when i learnt that she was having a panic attack. This sister is so selfish and toxic...please don't let your daughter alone with this woman...
I understand. Although not as severe, my kids and I deal with lactose intolerance and nut and citrus allergies, plus gastroparesis which means we can't have anything hard to digest like most vegetables. My own mother "forgot" for years. She purchased key lime pies, orange juice, lemonade and dairy ice cream as "gifts" for us. She cooked with milk and citrus and didn't say anything. I think she thought we were faking! We stopped eating anything she made and if we wanted to have dinner with them we had to purchase ALL the food and cook it ourselves. Even for holidays and birthdays. I eventually gave up and refused to do that anymore. My mother in law on the other hand will cook two separate meals for us! Some people don't care and you don't need those people in your lives!
On the food front I'm allergic to almost all fruit and anything even slightly cabbage related. It's not dangerous per se but can cause some horrible spasms and pain if I eat any. If anyone living with me would try anything like this they would be out. Allergy and auto immune diseases are nothing to sneeze at (hah).
Your sister knowingly endangers your daughter's health. The rules are simple enough. Also, Celiac disease isn't just some food allergy. My friend has it, not so severe, but he still has to be very careful with food he eats.
This is why everyone gets mad when people lie about food allergies and intolerances. It's become so normalized for people to say "oh I'm allergic to gluten" when there's nothing actually wrong with them that now when someone with actual celiac disease comes along everyone just rolls their eyes and disregards them.
Recently retired registered nurse here.. With a gluten ALLERGY. YES- ALLERGY! The recent changes in medical information re celiac vs allergy is tremendous! For several years they thought having the gene positive meant you are celiac. Not anymore. Very, very few people who have DQ2 or DQ8 have celiac. The ONLY way to know if you are celiac is by small intestine biopsy. You CAN have a gluten ALLERGY. Thst foes not mean you are celiac. It means you have an allergy just like you can have an allergy to anything. You can't just say "oh, I'm allergic". You must be tested and result positive for allergy. I have been tested and am allergic. I do not have celiac disease. My allergy is significant and my home is gluten free. So many people just say they are celiac possibly for attention? Mental problems? It is very real in some people but must be documented with a biopsy. Show your sister and mother medical documentation (up to date testing.) Knowledge has changed.
According to Celiac.org, you can be diagnosed through a blood test. And 1 in 100 people have celiac disease, and that it's actually underdiagnosed. I'm not entirely sure what your comment is trying to say. That you don't believe she has celiac disease but rather an allergy? That they should tell his family it's an allergy so they'll take it more seriously?
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I agree about the gluten ban and throwing out the sister, but non dairy kitchen because of a mere lactose intolerance sounds needlessly strict. There are lactose free dairy products. His kitchen, of course, but why that?
Yeah, I thought the same but my LI is mild to medium. Maybe the mom has severe LI so it isn't even worth having a little dairy. It can be a lot easier to just not have to worry about it when eating a family meal
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Forget just throwing them out; I would have straight up murdered them.
NTA and the sister needs to stay somewhere else although her kids could stay. However, having shared a house with a moderately severe coeliac, throwing out the possibly contaminated pans and utensils is not necessary - double washing is perfectly fine.
They have to throw out the pots and everything that was used because the child will have associate all those items as not safe, she will not eat any of the food made in those pots and pans, she is already underweight, and gets anxiety attacks, they do all of this to help her mentally. It sound easy to say just wash them in the dishwasher, but they are doing what works for their childs mental health
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NTA! The fact that both your sister AND mother have repeatedly and deliberately put everyone in that house in danger is enough to drop them on their asses and out the door,broken jaw optional. I mean what's it going to take? Seeing either child laid up in ICU being treated for life-threatening reactions because of their medical conditions to get your rules to stick in both Aunts and Grandma's thick skulls?! JFC!
https://www.vg.no/nyheter/innenriks/i/GMyER9/sjetteklassing-doede-i-kongsvinger-ble-funnet-utenfor-brannstasjonen-paa-vei-hjem-fra-skolen This is a Norwegian news story about a boy who had an allergic reaction at school, the boy died on the way home, it is incredibly important to respect allergies and intolerance, especially when it can lead to malnutrition in children or something much worse
Celiac is not an allergy, it’s an autoimmune disorder. Unfortunately society has desensitized people to the term allergy. Especially since it is so common for people to claim an allergy for an intolerance or even just to describe something they don’t like. Maybe if OP described celiac as it is, an autoimmune disorder, his family may make different associations with as more serious. Regardless, the rules where blatant and brazenly ignored which is entirely disrespectful to the family.
I would also like to add, obviously OP's sister has been loving with him for a little while, at least several weeks. He doesn't mention charging her any rent or utilities. Why has she not been putting any money aside, to get herself and her kids back on their feet? Does she even work? Why can't the mom take her in? OP said the kids could stay with him. Mom can't even make a space on her couch, for her own daughter? I realize there could be extenuating circumstances. But honestly, if her own mother won't even take her in, by herself, that feels like a red flag to me. Sister could find an option. She could even stay at a residential hotel, for a short time. Unless, of course, she has no job and no money. But of course, that's on her. It's on her, anyway. She disrespected OP's rules, his home, and his family. She (and her mom) are selfish, self-centered, and uncaring. OP is standing up for himself and his family. He's absolutely doing the right thing. NTA.
im 10 and gluten free i had to go to the hostpital because 1 noodle at the olive garden were i live the was a mean staff who did not care about gf so i ate it and we did not realize till 2 days later i went into coma for 2 weeks and i woke up but then 2 hours later i went back in a coma for 8 days more they had to get the gluten out i was in terbal conditoin i still am afraid of evan looking at gluten
I also have celiac disease! I know the struggles are real the I know how the people around me don't understand it and always say it will be ok just this one time. But then I suffer later and then they wonder why I don't feel good or why I'm exhausted. I didn't find I had celiac until I was 35 it took me 3 years to find out what was causing my health issues. I'm not on the high end of this but I most definitely can tell if I have had cross contamination shortly after eating. People should be more aware and understanding what this disease really does to someone's body. Praying for your daughter...keep your mom and sister out of your kitchen!!!
I am sitting here, doubled over in pain because something I ate is yet another allergen I've recently acquired. Gluten is one of the worst and I have learned how many places have hidden gluten. What idiots offer a gluten free bun for their burgers but still use binders in their burgers that contain gluten? More than you'd think.
I just wanted to put something out there for the record to clarify....lactose intolerance may not be life threatening but a person can also have a dairy or lactose allergy which is indeed life threatening. I saw in the news about a child being hit in the face with milk at school and dying from the allergic reaction it caused. And as a lactose intolerant person myself, let me assure you that the horrible stomach cramps and diarrhea it causes can stop you in your tracks, enough to cause you to have to go home from school or work. Having that day in and day out can become debilitating. I think having the attitude that if something won't kill someone it's ok is pretty crappy, too.
I don't blame him for getting upset but he really should of said 1)when cooking use your own pots,pans,spoons etc..or 2) just don't allow cooking in his house. I have nieces that have life threatening allergies. We all live in the same house at one point and the rules,store and use your own stuff spoons, pans,etc.. shoot that woman brave ...I still freak out cooking mushrooms and one of my nieces don't even live with me anymore.
OMG no sympathy. OPs sister moved into his home and from day one said FU to him and his family, I will do as I please and essentially gaslit all of them even when asked to stop. Sister got her a**e handed to her .. lesson, don't set fire to a bridge you need then be all shock picchu face when the party you wronged stands on the other side with a flame thrower.
NTA. I'm also concerned the mother and sister didn't care about their granddaughter/niece having a full blown panic attack.
So you are wealthy enough to have a home with a basement apartment and be able to throw out cookware without concern for the cost and your sister can't afford to put a roof over her head. Hmmmm. She's jealous. Ignoring your kid's medically mandated food needs is the weirdest sibling rivalry flex I've ever seen but that's what it is. Byyyye, sister. Ain't nobody got time for that.
No where being ahole. You are a lifesaver. My mom is gf and other allergies, but no where near as severe the posters daughter. My father made fun of my mom before he died a few years back saying it was all in her head. People understand peanut allergies but can't understand other severe allergies. Your sister is doing this on purpose you given her multiple chances. Kick her out and let the kids stay as long as they follow the rules. I hope your daughter feels better. I hope she knows that food isn't always an enemy we just have to learn how to take care of ourselves.
Zero compassion! The sister never even considered how difficult life is for her poor neice. Every birthday party, every Thanksgiving dinner and everybody judging you like your spoiled or something. Geez. I worked at a gluten free restaurant. A lady told me that she and the man she loves almost couldn't be together because of his celiac disease UNTIL she discovered that for some odd reason there was gluten in her lip gloss so she was able to kiss him without making him sick!!! It's not made up or psychological. Hope he sticks to his guns and keeps that woman out his house.
This is a respect issue. The fact that she knew the dangers of what would happen to her little niece and still took the time to buy, prepare and cook is disrespectful. I have been gluten-free and dairy free for the last 9 years anything with gluten in it makes me really sick and it takes time to get better this includes dairy Your sister can find a place if she seeks the right support you have enough responsibility of caring for your family and keeping your kids safe. Forgive your sister but she needs to move on with her life you can’t afford to be the security blanket. Stay strong and never second guess yourself when it comes to your kids well being. God bless!
There's no "one more chance" when somebody has repeatedly violated a clear and important boundary.
This isn't nearly the same severity. My Uncle raised his daughter with the help of housekeepers and my Grandmother. He tried to give her an only organic, no sugar diet. My Grandmother thought that the 2 to 3 year old toddler would suffer if not given any sugar and didn't understand why it my Uncle wanted this. If it had been a severe food allergy/auto-immune disease, she would have understood it better. I moved in with my Uncle and 3 year old cousin. He really 'would prefer' that I didn't have any sugar in the house but we agreed that I would keep my treats out of sight in my room and not eat it around my young cousin. Of course, this didn't stop him from raiding my ice cream and cokes whenever he felt like it. I didn't stay there long.
I met a guy in culinary school who had celiac. Sounds crazy. But he wanted to make great dishes for people like him. (This was before the whole gluten thing blew up. 2008) He was scary thin. He had to pause/leave school b/c he physically didn't have the energy and needed to focus on himself. Saying "I can't have gluten" is not a fad diet for some people. It's real and can be cruel.
The mom and sister are the type of people who think any illness or disease related to someone's health isn't real. It's similar to how some people thought and still continue to think that COVID isn't real. In middle school, I had a friend, J, who has sever allergies to pretty much everything, including peanuts. In one class we had together, health since I was the teacher's TA, he wasn't there for class, but was for lunch which was before that class started. One of the students in the class, who I thought was a friend to both of us, K, for some reason, gave J a piece of a granola bar that had nuts in it. He had to be sent home because it was bad. To this day, I don't know whether or not it was on purpose, especially since she knew about his allergies. In my opinion, I believe she did it on purpose, even with no proof.
I don't want this next comment to be downvoted, I just want to know why the dad doesn't but any items that are gluten free or lactose free? Fairlife, any of the products, lactose free. Almond flour, gluten free, and certain brands of regular flour, also gluten free. Panko mixes, some can be gluten free, or off brand from certain stores can be gluten free. Or if the sister or mom just got those products and use the kitchenette in the basement, it's there for a reason. I understand that it's hard to find these products but sometimes it doesn't mean that anything is impossible.
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The meal could have been completely completely gluten free. But of course Grandma and aunt are ah. I know it can be done it because I am allergic to wheat. I do not have celiac. This confuses the hell out of people. But there is a major difference.
NTA. Living with food allergies and sensitivities as an adult is hard enough, as a child it’s soo much worse. Your family are the people you are suppose to be able to count on. To be safe around. Sadly too often this isn’t the case. Someone mentioned your sister and mother most likely gossip about your overreacting to your daughter’s food allergies making it worse. You realize you can press charges against them. Obviously that’s extreme but so is causing harm to not just your daughter but anyone else in that house with food allergies. On a good note there is a bakery in Louisville, KY (Annie May’s Sweet cafe) that ships some of their products. AMAZING. I am a customer that lives 90 minutes away. I get nothing for sharing their name. They are amazing at answering as many questions as many times as you need to ask. Owner has food allergies herself. Customers aren’t allowed to even bring water into the store. I hope this brings a little light to this dark cloud.
I should add, I have 1 daughter with Alpha Gal, 1 with Celiac (she lives on her own now but we order from Annie May’s for her too), I have a list of life threatening allergies…dairy is the worst, and my husband, my mom and MIL are lactose intolerant.
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I've no idea what Celiac even is but when it comes to my own children, anyone who does not respect illnesses or serious life-threatening situations is out on their a*s. Family or no.
I like eating alfredo. It'll make someone-in-my-home's throat close up. So I awkwardly explained to my neighbor why I'm shoveling noodles into my face in the dark on the porch one night.
I don't have kids, so anything I say is purely hypothetical, but if someone caused harm to my child, even though it was only through negligence, the police would never find any evidence. It doesn't matter if the culprit was a neighborhood kid, their teacher, or my own parents. One way to justify an incredible amount of violence is to put a man's children in danger. At that point, you decided to play a game where you can't win and I won't lose.
Yes. Food can even be a trigger for traumatic episodes. Any mental disorder is "justified " it's simply a matter of brain chemistry,food deserts,social climate,and a person's relationship with food. I suggest visiting a few mental health sites for better info since I really skimmed the surface!
Load More Replies... I tried to add to my prior comment (and correct a couple spelling errors) but could not edit. I wanted to say that thyroid is also related in many people with gluten problems. Also immune/allergies. I have been tested for many, many allergens. Every green tree, plant, grass etc I am allergic to. My eosinophils are at 700 (should be under 100) and multiple medications failed to improve this. Asthma also. Please get serious with your gastroenterologist, pulmonologist and allergist before you 'decide' you have/have not a celiac problem.
They didn't decide she had a gluten problem. She had extensive testing before it was diagnosed.
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If they want to cook in the kitchen, they need to follow the rules of the kitchen. Almond flour is great for breading fried chicken and there are a lot of recipes that use gluten free ingredients to make bread, pasta, and meatballs. No one in my family has celiac disease but we have to keep the carbs low because of diabetes. I think giving her another chance would be a good idea, but she needs to really REALLY understand that this isn't a silly allergy but an actual medical issue.
Allergies aren't silly. That being said, it doesn't matter what the diagnosis is. There are so many illnesses, other than allergies, that can cause a person to be food restricted. They should ALL be respected.
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Please understand that I don't know that much about celiac. Is it that bad if there is anything with gluten in the house? Will that trigger an autoimmune reaction? If it is so bad, then it shouldn't even be allowed in the house anywhere. How does the kid handle school. Gluten is everywhere there. I get the need to sanitize utensils. What isn't being addressed is the daughter's severe anxiety about food. I get the necessity of always being vigilant, but the freak outs need to be handled. My daughter and I both have severe food allergies, but we handle it and don't meltdown, even if I am having a crisis (and some have been pretty bad). Our families are aware and thankfully my husband/our daughter's father totally supports our needs. It doesn't help and furthers food anxieties. The girl sounds like she needs help dealing with her anxieties.
Goodness, how did people ever grow to adulthood back in my parents & grandparents day b4 all thses diseases & allergies came along?? Lol
Good question. They didn’t. Glad the concept of dead children amused you, you ignorant harpy.
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Celiac and gluten intolerance are two different things and he needs to stop using the lesser of the two. I feel bad for that kid. I've known two people with celiac and while a headache to worry so much, it didn't cause THIS much stress. That poor kid. But he did the right thing by kicking them out.
It does not f*****g matter what you call it. He owns the house. The sister mooches off him rent freight. He has one f*****g rule. 1 rule. Isn't it's an easy rule to follow. It's not matter why he has the rule. It does not matter whether she agrees with it or not. It does not matter whether you agree with what he calls it or not. It's his f*****g house and she's not paying to live there
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Not defending the sister with this comment. She should have followed the rules set whether she agreed with them or not. However....I have autoimmune diseases and so does my son. It sounds like this father is setting a poor example for his daughter and has done a poor job of preparing her for life. Having a panic attack over gluten in the kitchen is not reasonable. It is a manageable senario and should be treated as such. Gluten is everywhere. He should be teaching his daughter to manage the situation calmly. Throwing a hissy fit doesn't help her in the long run. She will have a very miserable life if she doesn't learn to deal with her condition. Being afraid of it is not a solution.
The child has every right to be scared. She has gone through so much because of it.
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My husband had celiacs serious enough we've had to have hospital treatment you're overreacting by throwing everything out just put it in the dishwasher you and your daughter need therapy if you're having this much anxiety over food and allowing your daughter to be unhealthy it's really simple to cook without wheat rye barley or oats then throwing in seafood and dairy you pretty much eliminated the vast majority of food kicking your sister out is fine she knew she broke the rules but I think your family's going way overboard get counseling
Not for nothing, but OP doesn't seem a whole lot more concerned about the safety of his nieces/nephews--who will now be homeless with under the care of a person who has a demonstrated tendency to disregard the safety of children to do what she wants--than his sister is about the safety of her niece. I'm not saying it's the same--she's actively endangering the niece; he's simply washing his hands of a situation that endangers his nieces/nephews--but he really doesn't seem to be grappling with the effects on the sister's kids as the central moral issue here. (She isn't going to "leave them"--especially if he puts it in those words--with the brother she's in a fight with.) He comes across as caring mostly about assembling evidence that his mom is wrong to be mad at him (and she is wrong, and the sister is so obviously in the wrong you can see it from space, FTR) when he should be trying to figure out whether there's some solution to this problem that protects all of the kids involved.
His daughter's health comes before anyone else. His sister is the parent of his nephews. She became homeless. He offered to take her in, and she promptly endangered his child. SHE needs to figure out somewhere safe for her kids. He's not responsible nor should he be guilted into allowing her to stay..
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She has a severe allergy to gluten that can land her in the hospital...
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Please read the post again, more carefully, including the Redditor comments below the main part. ANY cross-contamination at all could *permanently effect that child's ability to process nutrients*. It's not a simple allergy. She's already well on her way to having an eating disorder, because she's scared her food might have gluten in it. Eating food with gluten in it causes those with celiacs a lot of pain on top of possibly irreversible damage to her digestive system. The sister had a kitchenette downstairs where she was staying, where she was free to cook any food she pleased. But instead, she decided that she was going to ignore the house rules and cook plenty of gluten in their gluten-free kitchen and also sent the daughter into a panic attack. What kind of aunt does that to their niece?
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I hope he never leaves either of his children alone with either grandma or aunt again. They either refuse to get educated on celiac disease and/or they just blatantly don't care. If I was cooking something and my niece had a full blown panic attack, I would feel like a monster.
I don't blame this guy. If you've ever had someone with Celiacs in your life, you know the horrible s**t that they have to go through just to eat. I can't stand it when people are insensitive to this, and it's made worse by the normies who demonize gluten.
Agreed. My best friend has severe celiacs and part of her bowels removed. Going gluten free isn’t a big deal for me and cleaning down and ensuring there is NONE in my house is my way of saying ‘I love you and want you to live a long life’. Plus she’s just as understanding with the things I’m severely allergic to. Protect your loved ones be they friends or family!
Load More Replies... His sister is an adult who chose to break the rules, his daughter is a child who did not choose an autoimmune disease, so it is an easy choice who to support.
I wouldn't just kick them out of my house, I'd cut them off completely. If you can't afford a roof over your head, don't mess with the lives of people who give you one.
Gah, what an awful woman! I have several family members with allergies and I try very hard to make mine a safe place for them to eat!! I wonder if the OP has ever considered an Allergy Alert Dog? They can train dogs to scent gluten and alert to it. Having something like that might help the daughter feel better about eating.
That's a really great idea. It's not not only life saving but it would help with her justifiable anxiety & food related PTSD.
Load More Replies... They might as well as have been cooking with poison in the end. Maybe he should prepare some fried chicken with maybe a little too much laxative powder mixed in for the sister and mother's personal consumption.
Laxative powder is rarely actually bad for you. It just makes you uncomfortable. Poison is a good analogy, though. Gluten turns our own enzymes into tiny machetes
Load More Replies... My dad developed a soy allergy later in life. We've completely changed how we do meals and have found safe products. He's even gotten rashes from plastic bags To be inconsiderate to another person's food allergies or intolerances is cruel to the extreme. Op protected his daughter as he should. I hope she knows how much he cares for her.
Never mess with people's food. I don't care if it's because they have known allergies or illnesses, or if it's they say they don't like it. Just respect it and move on. Ask my mom and she'll tell you that I had no allergies as a child and that she thinks it's strange that I have them now. That I refused to eat certain foods as a child was because I was rude and me becoming sick was me faking it. It was all in my head according to her. It was when I had kids of my own, who also has food allergies, that I finally got diagnosed too. Life without constant stomach pain is amazing! Being able to sit at the table and eat without being nauseous and gasping for air is fantastic! There are more people like me out there. They know they don't like to eat some foods, but don't know it's because of allergies. I told a colleague this and she told me she didn't like to eat shrimp and avoided it all her life. Then one day there was a work meeting with lunch and someone didn't respect her request for "no shrimp". She ate one before realizing it was there. The next she couldn't breathe and they had to call an ambulance for her. Listen to people when it comes to food. Their reason is theirs to have.
Exactly! Why you eat or don't eat something is not anyone's business but yours.. I would never it would never give someone food that I knew they didn't want to eat, for whatever reason.. My husband is allergic to shellfish and could die if he eats shrimp or crab or shellfish. My Brother was allergic to peanuts and couldn't sit next to an open jar of peanut butter.. So, oh, even if I didn't have personal experience with allergies, if someone tells me they don't like something or they don't eat something then I respect that. I don't see people complaining because they can't feed pork chops to orthodox Jewish. Or beef to Hindus.
Load More Replies... He tried to give them a chance. Three chances and what did they do? Putting your niece or granddaughter in a life threatening and unhealthy situations because you can't keep your wheat away from her - Disgusting!!!!!
They should get a service dog trained to detect gluten. That would be life-changing for the poor daughter. F**k only 10 and having to deal with this b******t!
I agree with you, but what if the daughter is allergic to dogs or animals in general? Never know on that one. It is something to consider if she isn't. And if she isn't allergic, the dog would not only help her when it comes to food, it would also help her anxiety. And I understand her anxiety. With it being so high, it's not easy to keep it low enough to do anything.
Load More Replies... I'm betting that somewhere in those "overreacting" and "throwing tantrums" conversations was talk about purposefully feeding the daughter gluten, because "everyone knows that exposing kids to their allergens will help them get over it".
I'm sure that Nana (and probably the sister) have slipped that kid gluten more than once over the last several years in order to "prove" that the coeliac diagnosis was wrong. Once diagnosed, I'm sure his daughter started feeling better when eating, but if her nana or aunt slipped her gluten she'd be in pain again and feel she just couldn't trust food. His daughter sounds like she has ptsd related to food and triggered as every mealtime approaches. Imagine having a grandmother who doesn't care if you are in pain, have panic attacks and have parts of your body physically damaged because she thinks she knows more than doctors/medicine/science. Disease or no disease, your house rules are to be followed. If someone doesn't agree with them or chooses not to follow them, they are welcome to stay somewhere else.
Load More Replies... How are you on the brink of homelessness and the ONE rule you have to abide by in order to keep a roof over your head is to NOT prepare food that makes your niece sick? I can't with people.
My mom got celiac intolerance during her last pregnancy. Somewhere in the midrange. But she has her own freezer and pantry shelf's, also her own pots and pans. And god help anyone who dare to even accidently commit the sin of cross - contamination. Thankfully the whole extended family gets it
Definitely NTA. I am a celiac and share your daughter's fear of food. I spent so much of my life afraid to eat because it always made me feel sick. I am not as severe, as your daughter, but even a small amount of gluten can make me sick for WEEKS. If I get glutened, it takes about 2 weeks and a special, even more strict diet before feeling better. It isn't as if there is an oops and I have one bad night, it takes weeks of recovery. I do often feel like an AH or a pain in the bum because of my disease. I feel like I miss out on so much. I hate that my family has to take special precautions or that I can't eat at certain restaurants because I do not feel safe. You are definitely not an AH for keeping your daughter safe.
I have had friends (2) who died because dinner hosts did not take their food allergies seriously. So, the OP has every right to his strong response. His sister has to face the consequences of her own selfishness.
To me, it doesn't really matter why the rule was made. It IS a rule, and should be followed. The first time it was broken, I would've been angry. The second time, I would've been livid. And there would've been no third time. Sis would've been out on her a**e when I had to replace most of the stuff in my kitchen because of her idiocy. The sheer audacity of the GUESTS in this situation is astounding.
As someone who has celiac very sensitively and who has a daughter who has celiac I completely agree and would have been furious and also kicked them out. Celiac is serious and really effects ones health and for many anxiety. Your child should not have to be constantly stressed because they don't have any care or respect for her health or boundaries and rules etc. I have experienced this from my own family unfortunately especially my father having no understanding or care and refusing to educate themself on celiac and food allergies(I also have allergies and intolerances, my daughter has intolerances). People like this p**s me off who don't respect other's health. To me what makes it even worse is it's your home and they have a kitchenette and you were welcoming them into your home. I don't blame you at all, it's so horrible people, especially family do this.
Making the nephews also homeless is tough, as it's not their fault, but you got to look after your kids. I have a friend whose daughter (in her 20s) has had severe eating disorder, and has been hospitalized several times. This poor girl is at such high risk (and clearly already suffers from severe anxiety as well as a serious illness). What her aunt did was cruel. I lived in an apartment with ONLY a kitchenette. I made lots of large meals in there, and it was a pain, but doable. So this was really just not wanting to be inconvenienced, and instead putting this girl through hell. For the sake of argument, let's say this girl had nothing physically wrong with her, and just had food anxiety alone. It would STILL be cruel what this woman was doing, and the grandmother should be banned from the house too in my opinion.
Poor daughter. I think also those assholes who simply claim to be gluten-intolerant made it much harder for everyone with celiac‘s
I don’t have celiacs but have worked with students who do and it goes far beyond an allergy. It could be life threatening because their body cannot process it at all. I don’t think he should let his sister back in the house
I'd also make the sister decontaminate the kitchen after each offense too. Yeah, I'd redo it. But her having to scrub and sanitize might make her realize how serious it is
She'll never realize how serious it is. Because she doesn't care.
Load More Replies... As someone who has a sibling with ZERO respect for anyone's boundaries but their own, I believe the OP is right in sending the sister and mom out of his family's life. I thought this was too harsh myself, until a therapist walked me through my sib's behavior and reminded me that one CAN take a restraining order out on a family member. I didn't, but went LC/NC. Bottom line: If you won't tolerate that behavior from a stranger, your family doesn't get a pass either. It's not worth the trauma to the OP's own family.
This made me think about my fish allergy and my dad's family. I am allergic to fish in both eating it and I can't be around it if it is frying. I can't be around it when it's frying because the smell will cause an asthma attack and I can't eat it because it will cause my mouth and throat to start itching. My dad's family loves fried fish, so when they get together that's what they like to cook. I usually have to stay in a different room with the door closed so that I can't smell it. However, if my allergy made me deathly sick, you better believe they would do whatever they have to do to protect me.
I feel you. My husband is so allergic to peanuts he can't even be in a Thai restaurant because they cook some of the things in peanut oil. Same with kitschy steak restaurants that put peanuts out on the table where they let guests toss the shells onto the floor. The dust gets to him. He also can't use crushed walnut shell in the sand blaster in his shop, he has to use alternatives even though they're inferior. We can have peanut products in the house, but if I make a sandwich with peanut butter, he refuses to touch the knife or the plate, and we can't kiss afterwards until I brush my teeth.
Load More Replies... Dude as a person who lost an organ and endured starvation because my body stopped absorbing nutrients and parent of a daughter who has spent hospital time inpatient -- both because of celiac disease-- f**k these f*****s right in the ear. People die from celiac disease. And this child is deeply traumatized. I see it in my kid, too. People laugh about how grown up she is when she's offered food and she'll say something like, "Is there any wheat, barley, or rye in this?" Like no, dude, it's not funny. She shouldn't be AFRAID of food. She's also on the edge of an eating disorder. Things have gotten much better now that we have an entirely gluten free home, including dog food. It truly makes a difference.
I don't think the sister believes Celiac disease is a real thing and will never stop until she did something that will end up hurting her own niece. If she has been warned many times and she won't abide by that one rule, then sorry but she needs to go. The safety of a child outweighs whatever b******t we adults have to deal with.
People like the OPs sister and mom disgust me. How dare they purposefully do something that they KNOW will hurt a child and then act like the victims! I hope they are permanently out of the OPs life!
what I don't understand is that the sister would be homeless if not for him, and she knew it! So why would she still blatantly disregard rules and put his daughters life in danger when she relies on this guy so much? it seems like a very stupid move to me-she should be more grateful
Totally within his rights to kick her out. Close relatives always end up being the worst kind of "family".
My kitchen is basically a kitchenette. Each apartment I've had in the last decade+ has one or two burners that function and I have a toaster oven. If I can make a small Thanksgiving meal for my kids, you can make dinner. Yes, some things might not be super hot and may need to reheated prior to being put on a plate, but it isn't that hard. Especially if you are a GUEST and you options are respecting medical issues and your family being homeless. Sister and mom are stupid at best (not ignorant, they were informed) or just don't care about OP's family. My sister was GF for over a decade, thought she had celiac but now they think she has a super slow digestive system so a GF diet helped her a lot. She is gluten sensitive though and she does have a lot of intestinal damage, close to Crohns, before they figured out the gluten sensitivity. I'm lactose intolerant. I visited her for 5 weeks with my infant a few years ago. She made sure I knew how to prevent cross contamination in her kitchen. I respected her rules. I didn't use her milk, she tried to cook with as little milk as possible, and I didn't fling gluten all over the place because I wanted to bake. If I wanted cookies, I bought some and kept them in the Gluten Cabinet. My niece is allergic to pine trees. Yes, it is hilarious. No, we don't clean with Pine Sol. It really isn't that hard to accommodate allergies and food sensitivities. If you aren't a selfish A-hole.
NTA. If he does agree with his wife and give out one last chance, first take both the sister, her children and his mother along to his daughter's medical team and get their help thoroughly explaining the disease and its symptoms and risks. At the moment the OP may just be coming across to them as overprotective and following trends - clearly they need far better information from medical authorities.
I'm upset that Grandma was so dismissive, that it's just a "food allergy". The last Reddit thread I saw about a grandparent dismissing her grandchild's severe allergy to coconut led to the child's death. Needless to say, she hasn't seen her daughter or surviving grandchildren since.
Sister would have been gone after the chicken incident. The box of pasta? Unless they make their own gluten free pasta, any they get in the grocery have been sitting on a shelf next to boxes of regular pasta, anyway. She forgot. It was still in a box. Okay. The fried chicken, though, was deliberate and done in front of a child having a panic attack over it. A child whose home you are begging a roof from. Then to have to tear the kitchen apart, buy new cookware and cutlery, and watch your child regress to the point of self-starvation?! She’d have been gone then. Keeping the kids is both kind and generous, but she’d have been gone. This third time? I’d have called the police. That was a deliberate assault.
As someone with celiac, I can see how OP was stressed. I have a severe case that also sets me back weeks but will also make me throw up the meal as well as any snacks, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It has already screwed me over and caused my growth deficiency.
As someone who has celiac disease, lactose intolerance and is a vegetarian...food boundaries are NON-Negotiable. We are supposed to feel safe nourishing our bodies, not afraid. NTA!!!!
I think Dad needs to make an appointment with daughters Dr and have the Dr explain to these to inconsiderate people the danger they are putting the daughter in. I'm with Dad kick sis out she has zero respect for your household and family.
That sounds incredibly horrible. I have coeliac but I only react strongly to barley, so I was diagnosed very late at 30 —after about TWO DECADES of being incredibly tired and low energy. I had vitamin deficiencies and severe anemia, and I was only given depression medication that made me even sleepier. I also about doubled my weight, because after growing up in a neglectful home and finally moving out, I actually could eat whatever whenever I wanted, and suddenly the "I never feel hungry" (I could go days without eating proper food during my late childhood/teens bc I was too anxious to go eat in front of my family) changed into "I am ALWAYS hungry". So I pretty much only stayed awake long enough to get absolute minimum done to be able to afford rent and food, napped a lot, ate, and cried, and slept some more. Sleeping 16 hrs a night was regular occurrence to me.
After my diagnosis, my life has improved so much; I still have plenty of mental health issues from everything and a delightful amount of other autoimmune issues (which could be related to the coeliac or not, who knows), but I don't actually pass out from getting up a few stairs now. Also, if we go to TMI territory, my poop is actually pretty light brown instead of very dark brown now. Turns out my intestines had been bleeding most of my life.
Load More Replies... You know, it doesn't matter why you made the rule. The bottom line is it is your house, this b***h was living there for free, and it was one rule. Grandmother would never be allowed in my house ever again. I mean, your daughter has a very real problem. It's a horrible problem it's a horrible problem it's a horrible problem period of all the allergies and all the sensitivities in the world, comma the ones that affect the diethat affect the digestive system and the bowels are the worst. I feel terrible for people who have those problems. Those problems. But the bottom line, like I said, it's your house . If she doesn't like your rules, she can move her a*s out.
NTA. He's literally trying to save his daughter's life. My sister has celiac. It destroys your gastrointestinal system if left untreated and constantly abused.
First: your house your rules! Ignorance is the issue here! Once women were diagnosed with hysteria when they went to the doctors and asked for help handling severe depression and anxiety. That was ages ago! As in the last Millenium! Your daughter had one safe haven, her home. Your sister took that away from her. The rest of your life, your daughter will meet people every where she goes that will meet her with the same "it's just hysteria"- attitude. In time, with a lot of patience, she will learn to endure. But she should not have to endure what your sister did! And neither should your mother. Educate them about celiac. If they still don't get it, their problem. Shouldn't be yours and certainly not your daughters.
Absolutely NTA. Celiac disease is very serious, especially when one is one the severe spectrum. When gluten is introduced it is extremely painful once it gets to the gut. It actually does damage to the lining of the gut. Enough damage will interfere with the absorption of nutrients. That’s why before the disease was figured out and a solution found, pictures of children with the disease had enlarged abdomens and were almost emaciated because essentially they were starving. Yes. The kitchen does have to be adjusted to separate things for his daughter and things for the rest of the family and does not cross over. One of my dearest friends has it and has to be oh so careful. If mistakes are made, she is doubled over in pain. Ignorant, inconsiderate and no consideration for his daughter’s safety and well being at all. Keep her away from their very toxic and dangerous behaviour.
Wtf. What is wrong with her? How could you be so unconcerned towards the health of someone, especially your family? This poor girl has already a lot to deal with, and maybe even a PTSD. She litterally put the life of your daughter in danger, and destroy the progress she made with her mental health. I swear, the more i read this ,the more i became angry. I don't know your daughter, but my heart broke when i learnt that she was having a panic attack. This sister is so selfish and toxic...please don't let your daughter alone with this woman...
I understand. Although not as severe, my kids and I deal with lactose intolerance and nut and citrus allergies, plus gastroparesis which means we can't have anything hard to digest like most vegetables. My own mother "forgot" for years. She purchased key lime pies, orange juice, lemonade and dairy ice cream as "gifts" for us. She cooked with milk and citrus and didn't say anything. I think she thought we were faking! We stopped eating anything she made and if we wanted to have dinner with them we had to purchase ALL the food and cook it ourselves. Even for holidays and birthdays. I eventually gave up and refused to do that anymore. My mother in law on the other hand will cook two separate meals for us! Some people don't care and you don't need those people in your lives!
On the food front I'm allergic to almost all fruit and anything even slightly cabbage related. It's not dangerous per se but can cause some horrible spasms and pain if I eat any. If anyone living with me would try anything like this they would be out. Allergy and auto immune diseases are nothing to sneeze at (hah).
Your sister knowingly endangers your daughter's health. The rules are simple enough. Also, Celiac disease isn't just some food allergy. My friend has it, not so severe, but he still has to be very careful with food he eats.
This is why everyone gets mad when people lie about food allergies and intolerances. It's become so normalized for people to say "oh I'm allergic to gluten" when there's nothing actually wrong with them that now when someone with actual celiac disease comes along everyone just rolls their eyes and disregards them.
Recently retired registered nurse here.. With a gluten ALLERGY. YES- ALLERGY! The recent changes in medical information re celiac vs allergy is tremendous! For several years they thought having the gene positive meant you are celiac. Not anymore. Very, very few people who have DQ2 or DQ8 have celiac. The ONLY way to know if you are celiac is by small intestine biopsy. You CAN have a gluten ALLERGY. Thst foes not mean you are celiac. It means you have an allergy just like you can have an allergy to anything. You can't just say "oh, I'm allergic". You must be tested and result positive for allergy. I have been tested and am allergic. I do not have celiac disease. My allergy is significant and my home is gluten free. So many people just say they are celiac possibly for attention? Mental problems? It is very real in some people but must be documented with a biopsy. Show your sister and mother medical documentation (up to date testing.) Knowledge has changed.
According to Celiac.org, you can be diagnosed through a blood test. And 1 in 100 people have celiac disease, and that it's actually underdiagnosed. I'm not entirely sure what your comment is trying to say. That you don't believe she has celiac disease but rather an allergy? That they should tell his family it's an allergy so they'll take it more seriously?
Load More Replies... I agree about the gluten ban and throwing out the sister, but non dairy kitchen because of a mere lactose intolerance sounds needlessly strict. There are lactose free dairy products. His kitchen, of course, but why that?
Yeah, I thought the same but my LI is mild to medium. Maybe the mom has severe LI so it isn't even worth having a little dairy. It can be a lot easier to just not have to worry about it when eating a family meal
Load More Replies... Forget just throwing them out; I would have straight up murdered them.
NTA and the sister needs to stay somewhere else although her kids could stay. However, having shared a house with a moderately severe coeliac, throwing out the possibly contaminated pans and utensils is not necessary - double washing is perfectly fine.
They have to throw out the pots and everything that was used because the child will have associate all those items as not safe, she will not eat any of the food made in those pots and pans, she is already underweight, and gets anxiety attacks, they do all of this to help her mentally. It sound easy to say just wash them in the dishwasher, but they are doing what works for their childs mental health
Load More Replies... NTA! The fact that both your sister AND mother have repeatedly and deliberately put everyone in that house in danger is enough to drop them on their asses and out the door,broken jaw optional. I mean what's it going to take? Seeing either child laid up in ICU being treated for life-threatening reactions because of their medical conditions to get your rules to stick in both Aunts and Grandma's thick skulls?! JFC!
https://www.vg.no/nyheter/innenriks/i/GMyER9/sjetteklassing-doede-i-kongsvinger-ble-funnet-utenfor-brannstasjonen-paa-vei-hjem-fra-skolen This is a Norwegian news story about a boy who had an allergic reaction at school, the boy died on the way home, it is incredibly important to respect allergies and intolerance, especially when it can lead to malnutrition in children or something much worse
Celiac is not an allergy, it’s an autoimmune disorder. Unfortunately society has desensitized people to the term allergy. Especially since it is so common for people to claim an allergy for an intolerance or even just to describe something they don’t like. Maybe if OP described celiac as it is, an autoimmune disorder, his family may make different associations with as more serious. Regardless, the rules where blatant and brazenly ignored which is entirely disrespectful to the family.
I would also like to add, obviously OP's sister has been loving with him for a little while, at least several weeks. He doesn't mention charging her any rent or utilities. Why has she not been putting any money aside, to get herself and her kids back on their feet? Does she even work? Why can't the mom take her in? OP said the kids could stay with him. Mom can't even make a space on her couch, for her own daughter? I realize there could be extenuating circumstances. But honestly, if her own mother won't even take her in, by herself, that feels like a red flag to me. Sister could find an option. She could even stay at a residential hotel, for a short time. Unless, of course, she has no job and no money. But of course, that's on her. It's on her, anyway. She disrespected OP's rules, his home, and his family. She (and her mom) are selfish, self-centered, and uncaring. OP is standing up for himself and his family. He's absolutely doing the right thing. NTA.
im 10 and gluten free i had to go to the hostpital because 1 noodle at the olive garden were i live the was a mean staff who did not care about gf so i ate it and we did not realize till 2 days later i went into coma for 2 weeks and i woke up but then 2 hours later i went back in a coma for 8 days more they had to get the gluten out i was in terbal conditoin i still am afraid of evan looking at gluten
I also have celiac disease! I know the struggles are real the I know how the people around me don't understand it and always say it will be ok just this one time. But then I suffer later and then they wonder why I don't feel good or why I'm exhausted. I didn't find I had celiac until I was 35 it took me 3 years to find out what was causing my health issues. I'm not on the high end of this but I most definitely can tell if I have had cross contamination shortly after eating. People should be more aware and understanding what this disease really does to someone's body. Praying for your daughter...keep your mom and sister out of your kitchen!!!
I am sitting here, doubled over in pain because something I ate is yet another allergen I've recently acquired. Gluten is one of the worst and I have learned how many places have hidden gluten. What idiots offer a gluten free bun for their burgers but still use binders in their burgers that contain gluten? More than you'd think.
I just wanted to put something out there for the record to clarify....lactose intolerance may not be life threatening but a person can also have a dairy or lactose allergy which is indeed life threatening. I saw in the news about a child being hit in the face with milk at school and dying from the allergic reaction it caused. And as a lactose intolerant person myself, let me assure you that the horrible stomach cramps and diarrhea it causes can stop you in your tracks, enough to cause you to have to go home from school or work. Having that day in and day out can become debilitating. I think having the attitude that if something won't kill someone it's ok is pretty crappy, too.
I don't blame him for getting upset but he really should of said 1)when cooking use your own pots,pans,spoons etc..or 2) just don't allow cooking in his house. I have nieces that have life threatening allergies. We all live in the same house at one point and the rules,store and use your own stuff spoons, pans,etc.. shoot that woman brave ...I still freak out cooking mushrooms and one of my nieces don't even live with me anymore.
OMG no sympathy. OPs sister moved into his home and from day one said FU to him and his family, I will do as I please and essentially gaslit all of them even when asked to stop. Sister got her a**e handed to her .. lesson, don't set fire to a bridge you need then be all shock picchu face when the party you wronged stands on the other side with a flame thrower.
NTA. I'm also concerned the mother and sister didn't care about their granddaughter/niece having a full blown panic attack.
So you are wealthy enough to have a home with a basement apartment and be able to throw out cookware without concern for the cost and your sister can't afford to put a roof over her head. Hmmmm. She's jealous. Ignoring your kid's medically mandated food needs is the weirdest sibling rivalry flex I've ever seen but that's what it is. Byyyye, sister. Ain't nobody got time for that.
No where being ahole. You are a lifesaver. My mom is gf and other allergies, but no where near as severe the posters daughter. My father made fun of my mom before he died a few years back saying it was all in her head. People understand peanut allergies but can't understand other severe allergies. Your sister is doing this on purpose you given her multiple chances. Kick her out and let the kids stay as long as they follow the rules. I hope your daughter feels better. I hope she knows that food isn't always an enemy we just have to learn how to take care of ourselves.
Zero compassion! The sister never even considered how difficult life is for her poor neice. Every birthday party, every Thanksgiving dinner and everybody judging you like your spoiled or something. Geez. I worked at a gluten free restaurant. A lady told me that she and the man she loves almost couldn't be together because of his celiac disease UNTIL she discovered that for some odd reason there was gluten in her lip gloss so she was able to kiss him without making him sick!!! It's not made up or psychological. Hope he sticks to his guns and keeps that woman out his house.
This is a respect issue. The fact that she knew the dangers of what would happen to her little niece and still took the time to buy, prepare and cook is disrespectful. I have been gluten-free and dairy free for the last 9 years anything with gluten in it makes me really sick and it takes time to get better this includes dairy Your sister can find a place if she seeks the right support you have enough responsibility of caring for your family and keeping your kids safe. Forgive your sister but she needs to move on with her life you can’t afford to be the security blanket. Stay strong and never second guess yourself when it comes to your kids well being. God bless!
There's no "one more chance" when somebody has repeatedly violated a clear and important boundary.
This isn't nearly the same severity. My Uncle raised his daughter with the help of housekeepers and my Grandmother. He tried to give her an only organic, no sugar diet. My Grandmother thought that the 2 to 3 year old toddler would suffer if not given any sugar and didn't understand why it my Uncle wanted this. If it had been a severe food allergy/auto-immune disease, she would have understood it better. I moved in with my Uncle and 3 year old cousin. He really 'would prefer' that I didn't have any sugar in the house but we agreed that I would keep my treats out of sight in my room and not eat it around my young cousin. Of course, this didn't stop him from raiding my ice cream and cokes whenever he felt like it. I didn't stay there long.
I met a guy in culinary school who had celiac. Sounds crazy. But he wanted to make great dishes for people like him. (This was before the whole gluten thing blew up. 2008) He was scary thin. He had to pause/leave school b/c he physically didn't have the energy and needed to focus on himself. Saying "I can't have gluten" is not a fad diet for some people. It's real and can be cruel.
The mom and sister are the type of people who think any illness or disease related to someone's health isn't real. It's similar to how some people thought and still continue to think that COVID isn't real. In middle school, I had a friend, J, who has sever allergies to pretty much everything, including peanuts. In one class we had together, health since I was the teacher's TA, he wasn't there for class, but was for lunch which was before that class started. One of the students in the class, who I thought was a friend to both of us, K, for some reason, gave J a piece of a granola bar that had nuts in it. He had to be sent home because it was bad. To this day, I don't know whether or not it was on purpose, especially since she knew about his allergies. In my opinion, I believe she did it on purpose, even with no proof.
I don't want this next comment to be downvoted, I just want to know why the dad doesn't but any items that are gluten free or lactose free? Fairlife, any of the products, lactose free. Almond flour, gluten free, and certain brands of regular flour, also gluten free. Panko mixes, some can be gluten free, or off brand from certain stores can be gluten free. Or if the sister or mom just got those products and use the kitchenette in the basement, it's there for a reason. I understand that it's hard to find these products but sometimes it doesn't mean that anything is impossible.
Load More Replies... The meal could have been completely completely gluten free. But of course Grandma and aunt are ah. I know it can be done it because I am allergic to wheat. I do not have celiac. This confuses the hell out of people. But there is a major difference.
NTA. Living with food allergies and sensitivities as an adult is hard enough, as a child it’s soo much worse. Your family are the people you are suppose to be able to count on. To be safe around. Sadly too often this isn’t the case. Someone mentioned your sister and mother most likely gossip about your overreacting to your daughter’s food allergies making it worse. You realize you can press charges against them. Obviously that’s extreme but so is causing harm to not just your daughter but anyone else in that house with food allergies. On a good note there is a bakery in Louisville, KY (Annie May’s Sweet cafe) that ships some of their products. AMAZING. I am a customer that lives 90 minutes away. I get nothing for sharing their name. They are amazing at answering as many questions as many times as you need to ask. Owner has food allergies herself. Customers aren’t allowed to even bring water into the store. I hope this brings a little light to this dark cloud.
I should add, I have 1 daughter with Alpha Gal, 1 with Celiac (she lives on her own now but we order from Annie May’s for her too), I have a list of life threatening allergies…dairy is the worst, and my husband, my mom and MIL are lactose intolerant.
Load More Replies... I've no idea what Celiac even is but when it comes to my own children, anyone who does not respect illnesses or serious life-threatening situations is out on their a*s. Family or no.
I like eating alfredo. It'll make someone-in-my-home's throat close up. So I awkwardly explained to my neighbor why I'm shoveling noodles into my face in the dark on the porch one night.
I don't have kids, so anything I say is purely hypothetical, but if someone caused harm to my child, even though it was only through negligence, the police would never find any evidence. It doesn't matter if the culprit was a neighborhood kid, their teacher, or my own parents. One way to justify an incredible amount of violence is to put a man's children in danger. At that point, you decided to play a game where you can't win and I won't lose.
Yes. Food can even be a trigger for traumatic episodes. Any mental disorder is "justified " it's simply a matter of brain chemistry,food deserts,social climate,and a person's relationship with food. I suggest visiting a few mental health sites for better info since I really skimmed the surface!
Load More Replies... I tried to add to my prior comment (and correct a couple spelling errors) but could not edit. I wanted to say that thyroid is also related in many people with gluten problems. Also immune/allergies. I have been tested for many, many allergens. Every green tree, plant, grass etc I am allergic to. My eosinophils are at 700 (should be under 100) and multiple medications failed to improve this. Asthma also. Please get serious with your gastroenterologist, pulmonologist and allergist before you 'decide' you have/have not a celiac problem.
They didn't decide she had a gluten problem. She had extensive testing before it was diagnosed.
Load More Replies... If they want to cook in the kitchen, they need to follow the rules of the kitchen. Almond flour is great for breading fried chicken and there are a lot of recipes that use gluten free ingredients to make bread, pasta, and meatballs. No one in my family has celiac disease but we have to keep the carbs low because of diabetes. I think giving her another chance would be a good idea, but she needs to really REALLY understand that this isn't a silly allergy but an actual medical issue.
Allergies aren't silly. That being said, it doesn't matter what the diagnosis is. There are so many illnesses, other than allergies, that can cause a person to be food restricted. They should ALL be respected.
Load More Replies... Please understand that I don't know that much about celiac. Is it that bad if there is anything with gluten in the house? Will that trigger an autoimmune reaction? If it is so bad, then it shouldn't even be allowed in the house anywhere. How does the kid handle school. Gluten is everywhere there. I get the need to sanitize utensils. What isn't being addressed is the daughter's severe anxiety about food. I get the necessity of always being vigilant, but the freak outs need to be handled. My daughter and I both have severe food allergies, but we handle it and don't meltdown, even if I am having a crisis (and some have been pretty bad). Our families are aware and thankfully my husband/our daughter's father totally supports our needs. It doesn't help and furthers food anxieties. The girl sounds like she needs help dealing with her anxieties.
Goodness, how did people ever grow to adulthood back in my parents & grandparents day b4 all thses diseases & allergies came along?? Lol
Good question. They didn’t. Glad the concept of dead children amused you, you ignorant harpy.
Load More Replies... Celiac and gluten intolerance are two different things and he needs to stop using the lesser of the two. I feel bad for that kid. I've known two people with celiac and while a headache to worry so much, it didn't cause THIS much stress. That poor kid. But he did the right thing by kicking them out.
It does not f*****g matter what you call it. He owns the house. The sister mooches off him rent freight. He has one f*****g rule. 1 rule. Isn't it's an easy rule to follow. It's not matter why he has the rule. It does not matter whether she agrees with it or not. It does not matter whether you agree with what he calls it or not. It's his f*****g house and she's not paying to live there
Load More Replies... Not defending the sister with this comment. She should have followed the rules set whether she agreed with them or not. However....I have autoimmune diseases and so does my son. It sounds like this father is setting a poor example for his daughter and has done a poor job of preparing her for life. Having a panic attack over gluten in the kitchen is not reasonable. It is a manageable senario and should be treated as such. Gluten is everywhere. He should be teaching his daughter to manage the situation calmly. Throwing a hissy fit doesn't help her in the long run. She will have a very miserable life if she doesn't learn to deal with her condition. Being afraid of it is not a solution.
The child has every right to be scared. She has gone through so much because of it.
Load More Replies... My husband had celiacs serious enough we've had to have hospital treatment you're overreacting by throwing everything out just put it in the dishwasher you and your daughter need therapy if you're having this much anxiety over food and allowing your daughter to be unhealthy it's really simple to cook without wheat rye barley or oats then throwing in seafood and dairy you pretty much eliminated the vast majority of food kicking your sister out is fine she knew she broke the rules but I think your family's going way overboard get counseling
Not for nothing, but OP doesn't seem a whole lot more concerned about the safety of his nieces/nephews--who will now be homeless with under the care of a person who has a demonstrated tendency to disregard the safety of children to do what she wants--than his sister is about the safety of her niece. I'm not saying it's the same--she's actively endangering the niece; he's simply washing his hands of a situation that endangers his nieces/nephews--but he really doesn't seem to be grappling with the effects on the sister's kids as the central moral issue here. (She isn't going to "leave them"--especially if he puts it in those words--with the brother she's in a fight with.) He comes across as caring mostly about assembling evidence that his mom is wrong to be mad at him (and she is wrong, and the sister is so obviously in the wrong you can see it from space, FTR) when he should be trying to figure out whether there's some solution to this problem that protects all of the kids involved.
His daughter's health comes before anyone else. His sister is the parent of his nephews. She became homeless. He offered to take her in, and she promptly endangered his child. SHE needs to figure out somewhere safe for her kids. He's not responsible nor should he be guilted into allowing her to stay..
Load More Replies... She has a severe allergy to gluten that can land her in the hospital...
Load More Replies... Please read the post again, more carefully, including the Redditor comments below the main part. ANY cross-contamination at all could *permanently effect that child's ability to process nutrients*. It's not a simple allergy. She's already well on her way to having an eating disorder, because she's scared her food might have gluten in it. Eating food with gluten in it causes those with celiacs a lot of pain on top of possibly irreversible damage to her digestive system. The sister had a kitchenette downstairs where she was staying, where she was free to cook any food she pleased. But instead, she decided that she was going to ignore the house rules and cook plenty of gluten in their gluten-free kitchen and also sent the daughter into a panic attack. What kind of aunt does that to their niece?
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