“I Genuinely Don’t Get Your Issue”: Woman Felt ‘Betrayed’ After Her Male Roommate Kissed Her Best Friend, Netizens Call Her A Jerk
Where is the thin line between a friendship and a romantic relationship? Thousands of books have been written about this, hundreds of films have been made – and humanity is still as far from understanding as it was in the time of Shakespeare, Dante or Ovid. In other words, no one has yet answered this question, and is unlikely to ever answer it.
Perhaps if someday a mind-reading device is invented, then it will be possible to understand whether the other person wants your friendship to grow into something more, or the friend zone is the maximum. Although, what kind of mind reading can we talk about when people sometimes can’t figure out their own feelings?
A great example of such a situation is this post on the AITA Reddit community, which has received over 12.4K upvotes and around 9.2K different comments to date. The Original Poster is trying to explain her feelings and her actions, but it seems that these explanations clearly did not please people in the comments.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster offered her jobless friend and his little daughter a room at her place while he was searching for a new job
Image credits: Nicu Buculei (not the actual image)
So, the Original Poster was upset that her friend and coworker Jayden was laid off at work, so he didn’t have the money to pay the rent for himself and his little daughter Lia. The OP admits that she and Jayden have worked together for three years and were always on great terms, so she suggested that they move into her apartment, especially since her roommate was just moving out.
Image credits: u/aita3726
The OP enjoyed living together with Jayden as he turned out to be a great cook and a wonderful person
While Jayden was looking for a job, they agreed that he would not pay rent, but would instead cook and clean the house. It’s been like this for several months and the OP says she was very comfortable – firstly, she got along great with Jayden and his daughter, and secondly, Jayden turned out to be a great cook and she liked his meals.
Image credits: u/aita3726
They have spent almost all their free time together and become practically best friends, although, as the OP herself admits, there was no romantic feeling between them. Over time, Jayden found a small side job so he could partially pay for the shared housing, and the OP again took over part of the household chores.
Image credits: Damian Bakarcic (not the actual image)
One day the OP discovered that Jayden kissed her best friend, so she felt extremely upset with that
Sometimes the OP’s friends came to visit her. They also got to know Jayden and Lia and hit it off, because the father and daughter were really wonderful people. And so, one day, according to the OP, Lia secretly told her that she saw Jayden kissing the OP’s best friend.
Image credits: u/aita3726
The OP admits that she felt literally deceived by her roommate. She claims that she did so much for Jayden and his daughter, and he dared to kiss her best friend behind her back! The OP talked to the man, but he said that it was, firstly, a fleeting kiss, and secondly, that this was his own personal life.
Image credits: u/aita3726
In the heat of the moment, the OP told Jayden and his daughter to get out of her place
The OP was literally outraged. First, she talked to her friend and, as she herself admits, she agreed to back off. Then the woman again attacked her roommate with reproaches, and in the heat of a quarrel, she stated that Jayden had taken advantage of her kindness and threatened that she would kick him and his daughter out of her apartment.
Image credits: u/aita3726
The OP wrote that she felt literally betrayed by Jayden
The OP says that Jayden was very cold to her after that. He told her that as soon as he had the opportunity, he and Lia would move out of the OP’s house. The woman was even more upset – because, as she says, she was so comfortable living with them. On the other hand, she claims to feel betrayed, but this is by no means jealousy.
Image credits: Timo Newton-Syms (not the actual image)
Commenters almost unanimously backed Jayden and told the OP that her behavior was in fact borderline financial abuse
However, people in the comments were not fooled. They literally attacked the OP with criticism, arguing that, firstly, she looks selfish, and secondly, in fact, her behavior is borderline financial abuse. No one actually believed that Jayden was not her crush, and the man is not to blame, as people write in the comments, for not being able to read other people’s thoughts.
In addition, according to some commenters, Jayden does not owe the OP anything, since, although he did not pay rent, he still faithfully fulfilled his part of their agreement. And, of course, the OP has no right to control his personal life, since, as she claims, there is and was nothing romantic between them.
Unfortunately, such stories with entitled people are far from rare in this world. For example, you can also read this post about how a woman tried to literally impose her own inappropriate opinion about education and motherhood on her future SIL. And of course, we kindly expect you to share your opinion about this story in the comments.
Wow, she is way over several lines. There is no way this is a betrayal of any kind.
This! She never even elaborates on HOW it betrays her, she just keeps repeating that it’s a “betrayal”
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All of the YIKES! She doesn't own this guy or own her best mate. Noone was sneaking around. Years ago a mate staying in my spare room got together with my old school friend - and they are now married with 2 cute kiddos. Y'know because my friends being happy is a GOOD thing.
I was thinking the same thing- if Jayden is such a great guy, wouldnt you be happy for them? What the heck does Jayden "owe" her? Why does she feel so "betrayed" unless she had some expectation of him forming a romantic attachment to her?
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“I’m not jealous! I’m just betrayed by someone who wasn’t in a relationship with me who I didn’t express my feelings to at all! How could he do that to me while I didn’t feel anything for him at all”
YTA 100%. Are you even listening to yourself? You and Jayden are roommates and friends, nothing more. Yet you accuse him of betraying you, being rude and ungrateful, and sneaking around? You have no ownership over his private life or your best friend's private life. You either have a thing for Jayden or a thing for your best friend if you're having this reaction.
I had a friend who was like this - she was excessively possessive and got mad if I was friends with anyone but her. She got mad if I talked to people other than her and heaven forbid if I made other friends too. Thankfully we're not friends anymore, but it took me too long to realize how toxic she was.
Yeah had one like this too. She actually had a boyfriend who she carried on about like he was the centre of her universe. She also had some male friends who i met through her, one of whom had flirted with her and she rejected. I went to an engagement party and he happened to be there at the same table as me. She wasnt there, didnt know these people. He flirted and asked me out. I told him it was not a good idea. I shared this with her and she went right off AT ME as though i had encroached on her territory, territory which she had so many times expressed she never wanted to visit, he was a nice guy but i also was clear to him and her i was not interested. There are some seriously deluded people sharing this world with us.
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This is very "I bought you dinner and now you owe me *something* nudge nudge wink wink." I was so uncomfortable reading this. I hope Jayden got out.
OP, let’s try a little thought exercise here. Turn the situation around, and make you a man, and Jayden a woman you work with, who lost her job and can only find part time work, who kissed one of your friends, and now you want to throw her out, as if you expected her to be in a relationship with you. Makes it all crystal clear.
I watched my mom do this exact pattern of behavior multiple times. It's about control and a "rejection proof" relationship. Every nicity is tallied and accounted for, ready to be thrown in dudes face the second he has a social or romantic life outside of her house. Never works out (cause duh)
Her post is confusing. What is the betrayal? I'm not sure what the problem is.
WTF? Is this girl trapped in high school? You're my room mate, so how dare you even think of kissing my BF? Grow the F*@k up. (It's like saying - I don't like this person, so you can't like them either.)
This woman needs therapy to teach her that you don’t have ownership over other human beings. Weird, possessive and weird again
I used to be friends/housemates with a girl who went mental at me because I sent a Facebook message to a friend of hers that I met at our housewarming party. "He's my friend, not yours! You didn't even ask me first if you could send him a message! Why did you talk about your boyfriend to him?? (Um, because he asked me how it was going?) Now he thinks you're really weird. Don't ever talk to him again!" Psychotic behaviour, she really was crazy. I'm so glad I cut her out of my life. Sas, if you're reading this, I hope you got some therapy.
How did he betray her? They aren’t in a relationship and her friend is a consenting adult. I think she’s just mad because Jayden only liked her as a friend and felt betrayed when he wasn’t interested.
I'm thinking one of two things is happening here. Either, Op is one of those 'all my friends can only be friends with me, they can't like each other better' people, or she moved him in with the expectation of their relationship developing further. Either way she IS jealous.
If she's not jealous because she's crushing on Jaden, she's jealous that two of her 'friends' might like each other, and spend time together without her. This is very controlling and jealous behaviour, and even if there is no romantic interest on her part, she's still trying to isolate Jaden from having other relationships. Jaden needs to run far, far, away.
oh my. she is so delusional. "I'm not jealous!" bwah ha ha! She is so incredibly jealous it's scary...literally scary b/c this lady is nuts.
I feel like all the advice in the world is going to go in one of OP's ears and out the other. If she's that unhinged to think that guy owes her something, she's going to be way too delusional to accept that she's wrong.
This b*tch. She asked if she was an AH, everyone said yes, then she said 'Clearly everyone's the type to just hook up without caring about anyone else'. If you were hooking up with someone would you think 'oh, what if my roommate knows this dude, I shouldn't kiss him' 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦
Sounds like the room mate and best friend need to remove you from their lives
There are some really troubled people out there. I once knew a woman worryingly similar to this one. Her ex of 20 years ago couldn't speak to other women in front of her or she'd get mad *double eyeroll*
Load More Replies... I can kind of see getting upset in this situation as a "don't s**t where I eat" type thing, where one could be upset at the boundary crossing and messiness of it, especially if they didn't give her a courtesy heads up. Because if best friend and roommate date and then break up, it could get ugly, fast, and lose her her sweet live in housekeeper deal, which sounds awesome. And one is always allowed to be upset when friends lie to them, or hide things which affect them (though that doesn't really seem to be the case here; she learned about the dalliance quite quickly) But all of her talk about how much she's doing for him, and for him to 'betray' her, sounds more like she views him as hers. Like in the sense that she is his owner/ employer, and she just found out he's seeking a new situation. Like this is Downton Abbey and Carson, the butler, decided to get a new job.
This Jayden guy is the a*****e. He abuses the situation that OP wants to be romantically involved with him to have cheap housing. If you know someone wants to be with you and you're not, just let them go. You certainly not gonna live with them. (If he didn't know, he's criminally oblivious.)
Jayden, if you are still there, please do yourself a favour and hightail it along with Lia. Your landlord (because I pretty much see it as is) seems like she only wants you all to herself despite BSing that she ain't attracted to you. Get out with Lia now!!!
Wow. I have no empathy towards people like her. She’s basically holding that guy hostage and taking advantage of his vulnerable position.
Wow if this was the other way around a man and she was a single mum she'd be kicking off but because she's the woman she just doesn't see it
Wants a friends with benefit relationship. She let him move in because she didn't want to lose contact after he quit his job. Since he's never made any moves on her kissing her friend made her feel unattractive and she hit back.
There has to be more to this story than she put here. I was all on her side until she crossed the not a relationship line. I get being out of work with a small child and needing help. She stepped up and gave them a place to stay which ended longer than they thought it would be. She is shouldering the finances. He is being nice and helpful otherwise. She has all compliments for him. He is an amazing person so she says. They just never had a DTR talk. Who watched the kid when he worked part time? I bet she did. They have a dynamic family relationship. She sounds like she had it in her head that it was more than friends. Thus the feelings of betrayal and surprise that he would kiss someone else.
You're ASSUMING she watched his kid... while she works full time. When absolutely none of that information was provided. If he's paying for his food with the PT job, then she's still paying for the same amount of rent that she would be if he were gone, and that would not be a dynamic family relationship.
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Wow, she is way over several lines. There is no way this is a betrayal of any kind.
This! She never even elaborates on HOW it betrays her, she just keeps repeating that it’s a “betrayal”
Load More Replies... All of the YIKES! She doesn't own this guy or own her best mate. Noone was sneaking around. Years ago a mate staying in my spare room got together with my old school friend - and they are now married with 2 cute kiddos. Y'know because my friends being happy is a GOOD thing.
I was thinking the same thing- if Jayden is such a great guy, wouldnt you be happy for them? What the heck does Jayden "owe" her? Why does she feel so "betrayed" unless she had some expectation of him forming a romantic attachment to her?
Load More Replies... “I’m not jealous! I’m just betrayed by someone who wasn’t in a relationship with me who I didn’t express my feelings to at all! How could he do that to me while I didn’t feel anything for him at all”
YTA 100%. Are you even listening to yourself? You and Jayden are roommates and friends, nothing more. Yet you accuse him of betraying you, being rude and ungrateful, and sneaking around? You have no ownership over his private life or your best friend's private life. You either have a thing for Jayden or a thing for your best friend if you're having this reaction.
I had a friend who was like this - she was excessively possessive and got mad if I was friends with anyone but her. She got mad if I talked to people other than her and heaven forbid if I made other friends too. Thankfully we're not friends anymore, but it took me too long to realize how toxic she was.
Yeah had one like this too. She actually had a boyfriend who she carried on about like he was the centre of her universe. She also had some male friends who i met through her, one of whom had flirted with her and she rejected. I went to an engagement party and he happened to be there at the same table as me. She wasnt there, didnt know these people. He flirted and asked me out. I told him it was not a good idea. I shared this with her and she went right off AT ME as though i had encroached on her territory, territory which she had so many times expressed she never wanted to visit, he was a nice guy but i also was clear to him and her i was not interested. There are some seriously deluded people sharing this world with us.
Load More Replies... This is very "I bought you dinner and now you owe me *something* nudge nudge wink wink." I was so uncomfortable reading this. I hope Jayden got out.
OP, let’s try a little thought exercise here. Turn the situation around, and make you a man, and Jayden a woman you work with, who lost her job and can only find part time work, who kissed one of your friends, and now you want to throw her out, as if you expected her to be in a relationship with you. Makes it all crystal clear.
I watched my mom do this exact pattern of behavior multiple times. It's about control and a "rejection proof" relationship. Every nicity is tallied and accounted for, ready to be thrown in dudes face the second he has a social or romantic life outside of her house. Never works out (cause duh)
Her post is confusing. What is the betrayal? I'm not sure what the problem is.
WTF? Is this girl trapped in high school? You're my room mate, so how dare you even think of kissing my BF? Grow the F*@k up. (It's like saying - I don't like this person, so you can't like them either.)
This woman needs therapy to teach her that you don’t have ownership over other human beings. Weird, possessive and weird again
I used to be friends/housemates with a girl who went mental at me because I sent a Facebook message to a friend of hers that I met at our housewarming party. "He's my friend, not yours! You didn't even ask me first if you could send him a message! Why did you talk about your boyfriend to him?? (Um, because he asked me how it was going?) Now he thinks you're really weird. Don't ever talk to him again!" Psychotic behaviour, she really was crazy. I'm so glad I cut her out of my life. Sas, if you're reading this, I hope you got some therapy.
How did he betray her? They aren’t in a relationship and her friend is a consenting adult. I think she’s just mad because Jayden only liked her as a friend and felt betrayed when he wasn’t interested.
I'm thinking one of two things is happening here. Either, Op is one of those 'all my friends can only be friends with me, they can't like each other better' people, or she moved him in with the expectation of their relationship developing further. Either way she IS jealous.
If she's not jealous because she's crushing on Jaden, she's jealous that two of her 'friends' might like each other, and spend time together without her. This is very controlling and jealous behaviour, and even if there is no romantic interest on her part, she's still trying to isolate Jaden from having other relationships. Jaden needs to run far, far, away.
oh my. she is so delusional. "I'm not jealous!" bwah ha ha! She is so incredibly jealous it's scary...literally scary b/c this lady is nuts.
I feel like all the advice in the world is going to go in one of OP's ears and out the other. If she's that unhinged to think that guy owes her something, she's going to be way too delusional to accept that she's wrong.
This b*tch. She asked if she was an AH, everyone said yes, then she said 'Clearly everyone's the type to just hook up without caring about anyone else'. If you were hooking up with someone would you think 'oh, what if my roommate knows this dude, I shouldn't kiss him' 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦
Sounds like the room mate and best friend need to remove you from their lives
There are some really troubled people out there. I once knew a woman worryingly similar to this one. Her ex of 20 years ago couldn't speak to other women in front of her or she'd get mad *double eyeroll*
Load More Replies... I can kind of see getting upset in this situation as a "don't s**t where I eat" type thing, where one could be upset at the boundary crossing and messiness of it, especially if they didn't give her a courtesy heads up. Because if best friend and roommate date and then break up, it could get ugly, fast, and lose her her sweet live in housekeeper deal, which sounds awesome. And one is always allowed to be upset when friends lie to them, or hide things which affect them (though that doesn't really seem to be the case here; she learned about the dalliance quite quickly) But all of her talk about how much she's doing for him, and for him to 'betray' her, sounds more like she views him as hers. Like in the sense that she is his owner/ employer, and she just found out he's seeking a new situation. Like this is Downton Abbey and Carson, the butler, decided to get a new job.
This Jayden guy is the a*****e. He abuses the situation that OP wants to be romantically involved with him to have cheap housing. If you know someone wants to be with you and you're not, just let them go. You certainly not gonna live with them. (If he didn't know, he's criminally oblivious.)
Jayden, if you are still there, please do yourself a favour and hightail it along with Lia. Your landlord (because I pretty much see it as is) seems like she only wants you all to herself despite BSing that she ain't attracted to you. Get out with Lia now!!!
Wow. I have no empathy towards people like her. She’s basically holding that guy hostage and taking advantage of his vulnerable position.
Wow if this was the other way around a man and she was a single mum she'd be kicking off but because she's the woman she just doesn't see it
Wants a friends with benefit relationship. She let him move in because she didn't want to lose contact after he quit his job. Since he's never made any moves on her kissing her friend made her feel unattractive and she hit back.
There has to be more to this story than she put here. I was all on her side until she crossed the not a relationship line. I get being out of work with a small child and needing help. She stepped up and gave them a place to stay which ended longer than they thought it would be. She is shouldering the finances. He is being nice and helpful otherwise. She has all compliments for him. He is an amazing person so she says. They just never had a DTR talk. Who watched the kid when he worked part time? I bet she did. They have a dynamic family relationship. She sounds like she had it in her head that it was more than friends. Thus the feelings of betrayal and surprise that he would kiss someone else.
You're ASSUMING she watched his kid... while she works full time. When absolutely none of that information was provided. If he's paying for his food with the PT job, then she's still paying for the same amount of rent that she would be if he were gone, and that would not be a dynamic family relationship.
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