“She Cried And Begged, But I Asked Her Again To Leave”: Groom Upset His Mother Invited His Late Wife’s Parents To His New Wedding, Kicks Her Out
Remember that famous song from the “Frozen” carrtoon? You know, the one where Princess Elsa sings: “Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door”? In fact, the song is absolutely great – at least because it’s worth a dozen lectures from self-development coaches, but it also expresses it literally in one breath!
So here’s what we’re talking about. The fact is that despite all the wonderful advice on how it is necessary and important to let go of the past, people very often, unfortunately, do not do this, thus harming not only themselves, but also those around them, for example, their closest relatives.
You don’t have to look far for an example – here’s this post in the AITA Reddit community, which gained about 11.2K upvotes and more than 1.8K comments in just a few days. The opinions of the commenters were divided, but most of them were on the Original Poster’s side.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster’s wife passed away six years ago and now he’s about to marry for a second time
Image credits: David J (not the actual image)
So, the Original Poster was about to get married a second time. His first wife passed away six years ago. They dated for four years, and then lived for one year in marriage, until death separated them. As the man himself admits, they were happy, but only after he met his new love, Helena, did he realize that the late wife was still not the love of his entire life.
Image credits: u/AITA_27744
The OP’s mother hasn’t let go of the memory of his late wife
Unlike the OP, his mom couldn’t really get over the loss of his first wife. It often happens that mother-in-law and wife just don’t click, but that’s not the story. The OP’s mother took the woman in as her own daughter, and was nearly devastated when she passed away. But her relationship with her son’s fiancée did not work out very well – she has always compared the two women, not in favor of Helena.
Image credits: u/AITA_27744
Moreover, in the process of arranging the wedding, the mother often reproached her son for trying to make the celebration too posh. Of course, the OP claims, he tied the knot with his first wife when they were very young, and now he is already a fairly wealthy person and wants to organize a big, wonderful wedding for himself and his beloved one.
Image credits: Travis Simon (not the actual image)
The OP’s mom asked him to invite his former in-laws to the wedding as well, but he just forbade her from doing so
The next problem was the mother’s attempt to make the OP invite his late wife’s parents to the wedding. All the explanations that many years have passed, and now they are just strangers, did not work on the mother, so in the end, the OP simply forbade her to invite his former in-laws. Even Helena was open to the invitation, but the OP was adamant in his decision.
Image credits: u/AITA_27744
The wedding day came, and the groom was incredibly amazed to see his former father-in-law and mother-in-law among the guests. He politely asked what they were doing there, and received the answer that his mother had invited them. She, in turn, claimed that “this is her family”, and that she had a duty towards them.
Image credits: u/AITA_27744
When the groom saw his former FIL and MIL at the wedding, he just kicked his mother out of the ceremony
The OP was literally indignant. He explained the situation to his former in-laws and said that they could stay for the reception, but his mother was not allowed to stay for anything. As the OP himself recalls, his mother cried and begged, but he was completely adamant. In the end, all three left together, but even the OP’s father, who had been divorced from his mom for over fifteen years, called his son a jerk.
Image credits: Quinn Dombrowski (not the actual image)
People in the comments think that both the son and the mother need to visit a psychologist to sort out this situation
As we have already said, the opinions of the commenters were divided. Judging by the particular wedding situation, he was not to blame for anything. But the way the man spoke about his late wife, according to people in the comments, did not look too respectful. As if he thinks she passed away so, conveniently for him, he could move on to find his “true love”.
In any case, according to the commenters, both the OP and his mother could do with a few visits to a good psychoanalyst. As people in the comments suggest, apparently this situation is still painful for both of them – but for the OP’s mother, of course, it’s way more painful.
We’re pretty sure you’ve already made up your own mind about this story, so feel free to comment on this post. And you could also like some more wedding stories of ours, like this or this one, so please enjoy!
The math is he is 27 now and his first wife died 6 years ago so he married her at 20 and they were high school sweethearts. Not many 20 year old people really know if the person they are with is the love of their life. He moved on after 3 years and his mother is holding on to someone who is gone. NTA.
Exactly. If his first wife hadn't died, they might have been divorced by now anyway. Marriages that happen so young often don't last.
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He isn't insulting his first wife at all, just admitting that his new love feels more like soulmates, and most likely more mature given the age. You never love two people the same.
Some people heal after a tragic event, some don't. No time frame for either. He just put a period and moved on. No disrespect to the former in-laws, he moved on and so had they. I'd guess they came as people who wished to witness his new chapter in life and give him a blessing of sorts. I'd also guess that they had NO idea that he wasn't informed. His mother is a freak to pull this. I'm glad the new wife wasn't feeling 'threatened' by the presence of the former in-laws. It was 'her' day but for some folks can make it a drama moment, she had the grace to see it differently and let her new husband handle his mom---not her monkey, not her circus. Too bad the dad didn't and distance himself too. Everything she needed to know, is that her spouse had her back, always. This is what mature love looks like. He had nothing to compare his first marriage to at the time. No doubt had she not died, they could have matured together to the same level. Fate had other plans.
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This guy did not cheat on his wife, he waited 2 years before moving on with his new wife. He said that the ex-in laws hadn't spoken to him in 5 years, so why did they decide to attend his wedding. His mum is TA, he told her his wishes and she disrespected them as well as his new wife.
My husband is still close with his ex mil. His first wife and him divorced and then she died. Overdose. But he was with her since they were 15. I did suggest he invite her to our reception. He declined. But I made the offer. She is a nice woman and her and I get along. She doesn't compare me to her daughter. But ops opinion to not have his ex in-laws there was well seated. Mom needed to deff be kicked out for that drama. No one is the AH but mom for being disrespectful to her son and dil.
My husband's ex-MIL and her husband attended our wedding. But they were the guests of our daughter (my husband's biological/my adopted) and her grandmother is the only biological relative she has left from her late mom's side of the family. We visit them for holidays, birthdays and they visit us too. We have a very good relationship, so much so my husband and I both joke that we have two MILs (MIL and ex-MIL for him and MIL and bonus-MIL for me). But dunno how things would have been if our daughter wasn't in the picture.
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You are not the AH because you told her ahead of time. Mother knew not to do it.... making her an ah
I think it’s a little weird to compare degrees of love, every relationship is different, so comparables don’t come into play for me personally, but he is entirely within his rights to move on after so long & enjoy his life with someone who makes him happy and his Moms behavior is awful.
What difference does it make about how long after his wife died that he start to date again? Obviously, life is short, if you find someone who makes you feel good again, makes you laugh again, makes you smile again, then spend time with them! Don't worry about what people think...the ones who care don't matter, the ones who matter don't care!
I see nothing wrong on how this man feels. His mom is the AH. Life goes on. 3 yrs. have past let him be happy with his new life. Mom just needs to get out of the way and dad needs to mind his own business too. The In laws should not have been invited by mom. How uncomfortable for them.
I can see why inviting his former in laws would be a bit awkward. You may have thought that having them attend the wedding would bring up memories for them, I guess? Your mother did kind of overstep her boundaries inviting them after you said you didn't want them there, but at least they got to attend the reception? And dating again 3 years after your first wife passed isn't really a short amount of time, for some people. I mean, how long did your mother expect for you to not being able to move on? Now if it was less than a year later then I would probably question that.
I wonder if OP also made the title because he called his former wife an ex when she passed away when they were still married. And OP clearly doesn't know you can have many true loves, you don't have to dish the former to make your new one sound better. I think everybody but the former parents in law are wrong here.
Or maybe he doesn't have many "true loves" ... because he has one & that's what he feels & believes. Just because YOU believe that you can have multiple true loves, doesn't mean that's what everyone believes. He's not wrong. He expressed himself honestly. Who is he sugar coating his feelings for? He's writing to strangers on Reddit! Like wtf? Do you think dead wife is reading this? Or his parents? Like wtf is wrong with you ppl!? Lol. Y'all are too much.
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So he met his first wife at 16, and they got married at 20. She died at 21 (that's really young for a heart attack). He met his current wife at 23, they started dating when he was 24, and they are now married when he is 27. I can understand why he might feel a greater attachment to his current wife, the first relationship was teen hormones, and as much as we always feel like those will last forever, it's just hormones and inexperience. IMO he's NTA, just maybe a bit more forthright than others would be. Also, I get the impression English isn't his first language, so he might be expressing things differently than he intends it to sound.
He sounds like a d**k, in both the way he treated his first wife's parents and how he spoke about her.
It may have been with the utmost respect that he did not invite his former PIL. What if he had written his vows along the same lines as his sentiment that, ‘oh yeah, I thought I loved my first wife but wow this one’s even better!’ Awkward? But he very correctly wanted to say to his new wife what he needed to say. Even if that’s not the reason he had moved on from uncomfortable memories that he may or may not have resolved feelings about. I’m sure the PIL never imagined that he needed or wanted their blessing but I’m sure they 100% would have given their blessing… otherwise they wouldn’t have come- though not invited properly. His new wife seems like a good’un. May they live happily ever after!
NTA good for you. What is in the past, stay there. Wish you and your wife all the best
I’ve loved another person before I met my husband, and it’s entirely possible for it to feel different because they’re different people at different times in my life. My husband is definitely the greater love. The OP wasn’t being callous, he was being honest. We also don’t know what their relationship was like. It might have not been that great. He’s NTA. His mom needs to move on.
No one has to mourn forever. The mother was wrong to invite two innocent people who thought they were welcomed. The guy was very rude to them. In my opinion he should have taken his mother somewhere private, scolded her and told her to go, if he wanted to. Or just let it go for the time of the wedding, cut the mother off later.
All of the people in the Reddit comments are idiots. It's his ex wife. He's being honest with himself. He didn't say anything mean just that she wasn't his true love. He didn't want his past at in-laws at his current wedding... he doesn't need a reason. Just because his mom can't move on it doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to. Jesus. Ppl really love to act all high & mighty on Reddit huh?
I dunno. My hubs warned me of the fights I'd have with my sibs when my mom died. I was like , what?? No my family. I was 100% correct. All 4 got stuff we wanted but the best thing was that we all made sure the others got what they wanted.
How is it obvious he never discussed any of that with his mother? Even if he didn't, it seems like there's a pretty clear reason why and that would be that she clearly can't handle it. It was his wedding, his mother had no right to invite people herself without approval from the bride and groom. He didn't ask the former in-laws to leave, just his mom. They left when she did (because they obviously felt guilty for showing up clearly uninvited and tricked into coming by the mother without the bride and groom knowing so the former in-laws probably felt hella uncomfortable).
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If the in-laws wanted to see him they could invite him for dinner. Not pop into his wedding reception and expect a seat and dinner.
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The math is he is 27 now and his first wife died 6 years ago so he married her at 20 and they were high school sweethearts. Not many 20 year old people really know if the person they are with is the love of their life. He moved on after 3 years and his mother is holding on to someone who is gone. NTA.
Exactly. If his first wife hadn't died, they might have been divorced by now anyway. Marriages that happen so young often don't last.
Load More Replies... He isn't insulting his first wife at all, just admitting that his new love feels more like soulmates, and most likely more mature given the age. You never love two people the same.
Some people heal after a tragic event, some don't. No time frame for either. He just put a period and moved on. No disrespect to the former in-laws, he moved on and so had they. I'd guess they came as people who wished to witness his new chapter in life and give him a blessing of sorts. I'd also guess that they had NO idea that he wasn't informed. His mother is a freak to pull this. I'm glad the new wife wasn't feeling 'threatened' by the presence of the former in-laws. It was 'her' day but for some folks can make it a drama moment, she had the grace to see it differently and let her new husband handle his mom---not her monkey, not her circus. Too bad the dad didn't and distance himself too. Everything she needed to know, is that her spouse had her back, always. This is what mature love looks like. He had nothing to compare his first marriage to at the time. No doubt had she not died, they could have matured together to the same level. Fate had other plans.
Load More Replies... This guy did not cheat on his wife, he waited 2 years before moving on with his new wife. He said that the ex-in laws hadn't spoken to him in 5 years, so why did they decide to attend his wedding. His mum is TA, he told her his wishes and she disrespected them as well as his new wife.
My husband is still close with his ex mil. His first wife and him divorced and then she died. Overdose. But he was with her since they were 15. I did suggest he invite her to our reception. He declined. But I made the offer. She is a nice woman and her and I get along. She doesn't compare me to her daughter. But ops opinion to not have his ex in-laws there was well seated. Mom needed to deff be kicked out for that drama. No one is the AH but mom for being disrespectful to her son and dil.
My husband's ex-MIL and her husband attended our wedding. But they were the guests of our daughter (my husband's biological/my adopted) and her grandmother is the only biological relative she has left from her late mom's side of the family. We visit them for holidays, birthdays and they visit us too. We have a very good relationship, so much so my husband and I both joke that we have two MILs (MIL and ex-MIL for him and MIL and bonus-MIL for me). But dunno how things would have been if our daughter wasn't in the picture.
Load More Replies... You are not the AH because you told her ahead of time. Mother knew not to do it.... making her an ah
I think it’s a little weird to compare degrees of love, every relationship is different, so comparables don’t come into play for me personally, but he is entirely within his rights to move on after so long & enjoy his life with someone who makes him happy and his Moms behavior is awful.
What difference does it make about how long after his wife died that he start to date again? Obviously, life is short, if you find someone who makes you feel good again, makes you laugh again, makes you smile again, then spend time with them! Don't worry about what people think...the ones who care don't matter, the ones who matter don't care!
I see nothing wrong on how this man feels. His mom is the AH. Life goes on. 3 yrs. have past let him be happy with his new life. Mom just needs to get out of the way and dad needs to mind his own business too. The In laws should not have been invited by mom. How uncomfortable for them.
I can see why inviting his former in laws would be a bit awkward. You may have thought that having them attend the wedding would bring up memories for them, I guess? Your mother did kind of overstep her boundaries inviting them after you said you didn't want them there, but at least they got to attend the reception? And dating again 3 years after your first wife passed isn't really a short amount of time, for some people. I mean, how long did your mother expect for you to not being able to move on? Now if it was less than a year later then I would probably question that.
I wonder if OP also made the title because he called his former wife an ex when she passed away when they were still married. And OP clearly doesn't know you can have many true loves, you don't have to dish the former to make your new one sound better. I think everybody but the former parents in law are wrong here.
Or maybe he doesn't have many "true loves" ... because he has one & that's what he feels & believes. Just because YOU believe that you can have multiple true loves, doesn't mean that's what everyone believes. He's not wrong. He expressed himself honestly. Who is he sugar coating his feelings for? He's writing to strangers on Reddit! Like wtf? Do you think dead wife is reading this? Or his parents? Like wtf is wrong with you ppl!? Lol. Y'all are too much.
Load More Replies... So he met his first wife at 16, and they got married at 20. She died at 21 (that's really young for a heart attack). He met his current wife at 23, they started dating when he was 24, and they are now married when he is 27. I can understand why he might feel a greater attachment to his current wife, the first relationship was teen hormones, and as much as we always feel like those will last forever, it's just hormones and inexperience. IMO he's NTA, just maybe a bit more forthright than others would be. Also, I get the impression English isn't his first language, so he might be expressing things differently than he intends it to sound.
He sounds like a d**k, in both the way he treated his first wife's parents and how he spoke about her.
It may have been with the utmost respect that he did not invite his former PIL. What if he had written his vows along the same lines as his sentiment that, ‘oh yeah, I thought I loved my first wife but wow this one’s even better!’ Awkward? But he very correctly wanted to say to his new wife what he needed to say. Even if that’s not the reason he had moved on from uncomfortable memories that he may or may not have resolved feelings about. I’m sure the PIL never imagined that he needed or wanted their blessing but I’m sure they 100% would have given their blessing… otherwise they wouldn’t have come- though not invited properly. His new wife seems like a good’un. May they live happily ever after!
NTA good for you. What is in the past, stay there. Wish you and your wife all the best
I’ve loved another person before I met my husband, and it’s entirely possible for it to feel different because they’re different people at different times in my life. My husband is definitely the greater love. The OP wasn’t being callous, he was being honest. We also don’t know what their relationship was like. It might have not been that great. He’s NTA. His mom needs to move on.
No one has to mourn forever. The mother was wrong to invite two innocent people who thought they were welcomed. The guy was very rude to them. In my opinion he should have taken his mother somewhere private, scolded her and told her to go, if he wanted to. Or just let it go for the time of the wedding, cut the mother off later.
All of the people in the Reddit comments are idiots. It's his ex wife. He's being honest with himself. He didn't say anything mean just that she wasn't his true love. He didn't want his past at in-laws at his current wedding... he doesn't need a reason. Just because his mom can't move on it doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to. Jesus. Ppl really love to act all high & mighty on Reddit huh?
I dunno. My hubs warned me of the fights I'd have with my sibs when my mom died. I was like , what?? No my family. I was 100% correct. All 4 got stuff we wanted but the best thing was that we all made sure the others got what they wanted.
How is it obvious he never discussed any of that with his mother? Even if he didn't, it seems like there's a pretty clear reason why and that would be that she clearly can't handle it. It was his wedding, his mother had no right to invite people herself without approval from the bride and groom. He didn't ask the former in-laws to leave, just his mom. They left when she did (because they obviously felt guilty for showing up clearly uninvited and tricked into coming by the mother without the bride and groom knowing so the former in-laws probably felt hella uncomfortable).
Load More Replies... If the in-laws wanted to see him they could invite him for dinner. Not pop into his wedding reception and expect a seat and dinner.
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