Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last
The whole idea of keeping secrets from people has a lot of negative connotations to it. In our minds, it can be interpreted as a sign of distrust, or it could be somehow used against us, or, just, straight up, why keep secrets from someone? Are they not good enough to know?
Well, Redditors have actually been listing things and situations that should be kept a secret because that's the good and right thing to do. It can be because folks need to have some degree of privacy, or because not saying something is better than actually saying it. Whatever the case, there is a legit reason to be secretive sometimes, even if it is your significant other.
The now-viral post on AskReddit, posing the question what things should be kept private from your SO, no matter how healthy your relationship is? and having over 46,300 upvotes as of this article, aims to legitimize having some secrecy in a relationship.
So, scroll down, upvote, sideways comment, do what you do best in the comment section below, explaining secrets you think should be kept as far away as possible from your significant others!
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Journals. My partner writes in one every night before bed and I have no idea what any of it says. If she wants to share with me she can. Those are her private thoughts and feelings until she decides differently. Same goes for me.
My steady supply of jokes.
I set up my android to send me a joke every night at 5 pm and I tell it to my husband later on, before I jump in the shower.
He always asks where I'm getting this stuff from and I just laugh and shut the bathroom door.
I would like him to continue thinking of me as this endless joke fairy for the rest of our lives.
My wife is sensitive about animals, so anytime I see/read some sort of tragedy related to an animal, I hide it from her.
As a fellow animal lover to the max, let me say Thank You on behalf of your wife.
Even though my wife and I have been happily married for 6 years, we decided we would never go for a s**t while the other is in the shower. We're just not going there.
I'm sorry, but just what the HELL is going on in this photograph?
Bearttousai37 said:
My ex-wife used to interrogate me after every therapy session I had.
Dr_A_Mephesto replied:
Wow I’m so sorry. Therapy is a very personal and private thing. My wife and I are both in therapy and after we just ask “good session?” It opens the door to talk about stuff IF you want to but creates no pressure. 95% of the time we just go “yep” or “not really” and that’s the end of it.
Glad you are taking steps to be mentally healthy. Keep going, you got this!
So my short answer is nothing.
The longer answer is that they should be prepared for the answer and be adult enough to be able to handle it.
When my (now) wife and I were still dating, but we both knew it was serious, I let her know that anything she wanted to know I would tell her. I also said that she needed to be absolutely 100% sure that she really wanted to know that answer because I wouldn't lie to her. We've been together over 2 decades and there were a couple times when she asked something, usually when alcohol was involved, where I thought it a bad idea to answer but just said "Are you sure you want the answer"? Each of those times, maybe 3 of them, she reconsidered and said "no".
Now there are time I steer answers away from the asked question but that's not for privacy, just to make sure feelings aren't hurt. We've been together for a very long time and there has been weight gain (for both of us) and typical trope where she looks at me and says "I'm fat" or "I'm old". I look at her and say "You're beautiful". I'm not lying. She is beautiful in my eyes. I'm just steering away from that conversation which would hurt her feelings. The answer of "I love you", "You're beautiful", "I love your body" or "we're old and have had a great lifetime together" are all truths and they go far, and should be said to your partner.
The unkind s**t you think when you're angry and tired, it will absolutely never help at all to say any of it out loud and even if you don't have a particularly big fight or break up over it you'll still regret it and they'll still remember. Possibly also what you think about how hot other people are, depending on how jealous/insecure your SO is.
My ex said one nasty thing to me. He is a great guy, and I screwed up the marriage, not him. He said it in 1988. I still haven't gotten over it, which would upset him.
Where I hide the secret, spare pair of scissors I keep for when he's lost all the other 11 pairs of scissors we own and I need to trim a chip bag down to make getting to the chips easier.
I do 12 step stuff, and I won’t tell her what I hear in the rooms.
solblurgh said:
My midnight snack stash. I don't have any, but I think I should have some.
Clayman8 replied:
> "I don't have any."
Sounds like something someone with a snack stash would say. Speak up you candy-hoarding raccoon.
wise_comment replied:
> "Speak up you candy-hoarding raccoon."
Sometimes I was afraid our generation's Shakespeare would get buried in the noise. Glad to see I was wrong
I had one but I ate it all when I had Covid and was locked in my room
Other people's secrets. They’re not yours to share.
What I mean by this, is agreeing to keep something confidential and then going against it.
I'm not married. But I will say, when I tell a married girlfriend a secret, I assume she'll tell her husband. If she doesn't, great. But I assume she will. I'll often make it easy and tell them it's cool if they tell "hubby," just no one else.
No matter how healthy a relationship is, there'll always come a time where you have resentful thoughts of your spouse. Those should be kept to yourself, as most of them pass quickly. The only time you should share them is if they're persisting in some behavior that is hurting you, and then it should be done calmly and not in the heat of the moment. For instance, if you got home from work tired to find your spouse binge watching a TV show, but the sink is full of dirty dishes, the impulse may be to lace into them. Don't. Go ahead and do the dishes, and tomorrow, when that initial flash of anger has passed, discuss the issue.
People say arguments can be healthy in a relationship, but it all comes down to *how* you argue. Spouses, at least if they're good ones, know intimate details about you, your past, and how you think and feel. This gives them weapons to hurt you, and it may be tempting to use such weapons when angry. But if you know your spouse has a sore spot about their dad, and you say in anger "this is why your dad never loved you", you have permanently damaged your relationship. And that damage builds up over time. Successful relationships survive because people rein themselves in in that moment. Even when they're angry, they don't want to inflict wounds like that. So whenever the impulse arises to use those weapons in anger, resist the temptation! You may forget what you did quickly, but they won't.
It's not that it should be kept private, as in forcefully, but I believe both persons in a relationship should have privacy in their devices.
My SO has all my logins, and passcodes for my phone and tablet, but this doesn't give her the right to go snooping for stuff that will never be there. She can totally grab my phone, if it's nearest, to search on google, or grab someone's phone number. But we've agreed that if either of us snoop, you better be sure that there's going to be something to find, because if there isn't, then you deserve the trouble that you've caused.
I put the animal pictures into a jigsaw puzzle app. No, that is not a useless meme. That is a potential jigsaw puzzle. 😁
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Meh, we have each others logon info.. but neither of us has a desire to snoop. I'll use his phone to look something up etc..and he will do the same. Heck it's only been super recently that he'll go into my purse for something even though I've told him for years, theres nothing verboten in there lol. I really had to show him that I am not territorial like that. My purse is just a device to carry the c**p I have to have with me when I go out lol.
This. When you're out, it's like "Hey honey, could you grab my [insert item]"... Well, where do you think it's gonna be? The purse! The magical Mary Poppins bag that holds every item ever. I even know which purse pockets my mother keeps certain items in. That's just the designated storage spot for that miscellaneous item. Tic Tacs? The smaller pocket furthest away from the outside (when being carried). Gum? Next to the Tic Tacs. Lipstick? In with all the other makeup. Phone? In the phone pocket along with the stylus. Calculator? In the big pocket - and yes, she knows her iphone has a calculator, but it's not as good as THE calculator, apparently.
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My wife knows that the only time I'm secretive with my phone is when I'm trying to surprise her. She hates surprises and we both know she'll try to check, so I don't actually use my phone, but I do leave a litany of random searches, like 'How to have a pet Komodo dragon' or 'How to build a fallout shelter' or 'wholesale suppliers of laminators'. What she doesn't know it that I plan her surprises on HER phone. She'll never think to check her own search history!
Great, Donkey boy, now I am wondering how DO you pet a Komodo dragon? Not that it is likely that I will run into one soon, considering that I am in the middle of Germany, but IF I meet one I would surely like to pet it!
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This is a tricky one since many people today cheat and make unwarranted contact with people online and exchange naked pictures. Sure I dont want to be looking trough for no reason like a crazy person but once I had a really ruff patch with my SO and after a couple of months of that I looked up his history and it turned out that he was developing a serious porn addiction,and I mean watching more than 8 times a day every day. Yes I left him after that,yes I broke our family since we share kids. So yeah.. no one should be looking trough your phone for no reason,but many times in today's time you can find all kinds of problematic behaviours like gambling,shopping addiction etc what is breaking up your family behind your own back while you are working really hard to keep it all together.
We have each other's passwords and logins and how to access each other's phones, should there be an emergency. Because my phone is used for everything and I take it out of the house I always have a fingerprint lock on it. He does have the pin to it and he's more than welcome to look but neither of us have had any interest in snooping on each other's phones and I think the OP has the right attitude: if you are going to snoop make sure it is worth the trouble that you are going to cause.
Seems to be a jealousy thing. Being with my partner for almost 20 years but since there's a code to unlock your phone we've never actively asked for it. However we're handing our phone to each other without much thought or leave it unlocked when leaving the room. But a phone still is something personal, even if you don't have to hid anything. (We still know the place where we both keep our passwords to everything - but until an absolute emergency there is no need to get those). Anyway this only works when both partners have a low kind of jealousy. For me I cannot imagine a partner who's snooping through my phone! It's a major sign of unfounded mistrust, but even more a cut to my personal freedom.
My husband can look at my phone whenever, but in almost 20 years there has never once been a case of needing to look at my phone, or me needing to look at his. If you can't trust your partner, there is a reason for it - whether its genuine and your gut is telling you, or its something internal that you are insecure about and need to work on.
We do not touch each others phones unless we are handing it to the other because we asked or because someone is calling and its out of distance. It is not my business to know who she is texting or calling or who she has pictures of. My wife goes to work every morning, comes home from work everyday after, has her thirsty Thursday with her coworkers every week. I work from home so she knows where I'm at. But I don't want to spend my life with someone I have to spy on or feel like I have to doubt their commitment to us. That c**p is for the birds
The rule I have with my partner is that if someone does it automatically means time apart because either way the trust is broken. If you want to explore other people, just break up.
I got into an argument recently when I told a friend I don't think it's normal for anyone to check your phone and read your texts. She said it's normal and both she and husband read each other's text without consent. And I don't know this because I don't know how relationships work. For me it's not a sign of something healthy.
It really depends on the people involved, that might not be for everybody. That personally wouldn’t be for me. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s a sign of something unhealthy though.
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Things that you don't like about their body. They just don't need to know.
If you are concerned about their *health or hygiene* that warrants a conversation but making comments about physical flaws—completely unnecessary.
Which of your friends or family don’t like them.
It will do nothing but upset them, and worse create a bigger problem between them.
I would also like to add to that if one of your friends or family members don’t like your s/o and you aren’t at the very least making them be polite and respectful when they have to be around each other you are the main problem in that scenario.
Things you aren't ready to talk about yet. I have a lot of trauma and I'm not always ready to talk or explain. However, I'm lucky my partner respects that and has let me open up at my own pace.
Yes, but when asked, don't say that nothing's wrong when it's obvious that something is wrong. Instead, say, "Yes, something is wrong, but I'm not ready to talk about it." At least you're not misleading your partner, then pulling the rug out from under them later (when you are ready to talk about it).
I don't like the idea of sharing absolutely everything with one's partner like it's a proof of healthiness. I think it's healthy to maintain some sort of individuality, personal mental space, your secret garden that only you can access. You are not only a couple, you don't only exist through your partner, you also are an individual human being with your own inner world that you don't have to share entirely with someone else, and no one can take that away from you. I feel like if you completely merge with someone else you lose yourself.
I don't think that's avoidant attachment style, I'm clearly not. I just think it's normal if my SO has things she doesn't want to talk about with me, won't share every single thing. She's not me, and as much as I like to say she's mine, she's not really "mine" either.
mostpeopleheresuck12 said:
That you know you’re the Pet’s favorite person.
abrokenelevator replied:
Oof, I am absolutely both of our dogs favorite person. We both know it but I would never ever say that to my wife.
Minito200YT replied:
No one deserves to be told such a thing.
MissVelveteen replied:
Not only not say it but I also had to deny it on a regular basis despite it being abundantly obvious to literally everyone.
One dog was my dog. She'd do anything I told her to do, but sometimes she'd just stare at my wife like, "who are you?" (She was my hunting dog, and loved to go out in the field with me.) Another dog loved us both equally. And a third dog was definitely my wife's dog, who would play with me but clearly preferred her. We miss them all.
This is a really subjective answer and I'm sure [folks] will disagree, but for me:
Bathroom time.
I got 3 kids and one of them is my full-time responsibility as her mom isn't around. I live and breath for my kids and I love them, but doing my morning and evening bathroom events I really love the solitude.
The last few women I dated were great, but they would just kinda barge in no matter what I was doing. To me, showering at the end of the day, brushing my teeth, using the toilet are all kind of "zen" for me. I just don't like sharing a shower or being interrupted while doing so.
That's just me. I'm single so... Maybe there's a reason for that ;P
For those saying "just lock the door" I want to say my daughter is almost 5. When I shower I can't just *leave* her alone. That's how horrible accidents happen. Yea, she can pour herself water and use the potty alone but I can't shut her out. If she has a problem I need her to be able to come in. I live alone and her brothers are only around ever so often due to custody orders. Locking my bathroom door just isn't a good idea with a toddler running around.
She sits on my bed and usually watches TV while I shower. Idk if the women I've dated just saw this as an open opportunity, but locking the door to my kiddo just isn't a good idea.
Nobody is perfect. But if I'm asked—yes, you are the most handsome, best partner ever, etc. I don't understand how people say anything different for their current partner but you know, different folks.
If you're partner is doing something wrong in your relationship in general you obviously should communicate with them about it. My comment was more about being my partner's biggest cheerleader and building them up—purely that angle.
I don't understand any other way of thinking. That's your star player. Are you really going to tear them down to your friends? Best man in the world, smartest, most manly, kindest, best father, etc.
If your SO has been in combat, don’t ask about the details. In the unlikely event they want you to know, they’ll tell you.
This is not to say they should not seek/you should not encourage them to get the appropriate medical support, nor is this to say that you shouldn’t know they’ve been in combat or listen to them if they experience emotions around it; however, seeking out the details are a red line of inquiry.
It’s important to note that I deliberately call out “details” as the red line. Acknowledging to your partner that you’re willing to listen to what they want to share and/or to be part of their support system (in whatever way is in integrity for your relationship) is always the priority.
That I know you keep a secret stash of chocolate in the tampax box. Not my business?
I have chocolate hidden from my wife in so many places I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of them. When we die and the kids clean out the house, they're gonna find a lot of old chocolate. (I don't hide it to hoard it. I hide it so she won't eat it all in one or two sittings. She has poor impulse control when it comes to chocolate.)
Confidential work-related things that I'm legally not supposed to tell anyone outside of the project/case.
Same goes for patient data! You never talk about patient related things. You should however talk about your feelings, if not with you SO then with someone else. If you don't you burn out faster than a candle that burns on both ends! I'm treating cancer patients, mostly children, and sometimes my one hour commute isn't enough to decompress. Then I need my husband to listen to me or hold me when I cry bc I lost one of my patients.
Sometimes, no matter how attractive your partner is to you and no matter how much you love them, there is an aspect to them that is unchangeable but that you find gross or annoying or just generally less than attractive. Clogged nose pores, a laugh that sounds like a muppet, big toe nails that just look a little bit weird, or that single long hair growing from inside their ear that just keeps coming back no matter what they do. If it’s going to make them feel insecure or unloved, this is something you should just keep to yourself.
In a relationship, you learn each other’s weak points and vulnerabilities, and using them against your partner is a boundary that, once you cross it, you can’t come back from. Once you make someone feel like they can’t trust you with their vulnerable self, your relationship is on its way out.
As my husband has gotten older, he has sprouted some impressive ear hairs. I will 100% trim those suckers down for him as and act of love. He's not offended. It's just funny how our bodies change as we age.
Your internet browser history.
You take that s**t to the grave.
My dad has mentioned a few times that in their 40+ years of marriage, he’s never gone in her top dresser drawer or purse.
Where your secret stash of band aids is.
I dunno about the rest of you, but my wife and kids will go through an industrial size case o band aids faster than you can say supercalifragilisticexpealidocious and the twice a year I actually need one. They’re never there.
This made me laugh.. in my parents house it's my dad who uses an inordinate amount of bandaids.. blood thinner and crepe paper skin will do that.
Note: this post originally had 35 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
My KFC gravy. Get your own. This tub and this extra tub, I ordered specifically for me. There is only one reason to come to KFC, that's the gravy. Don't go dipping a chip and pinching some of my gravy!
Share your gravy, you gravy hoarder. Bond over your common love of KFC gravy. They will make more...
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I'd add: if you don't like one or all of their children but are committed to loving them. As long as you are NEVER and I mean N-E-V-E-R unkind or unloving to them, having a personality difference - just suck it up.
Anything to do with any of my patients at work. Patients have a right to privacy and it would have to take something very compelling for me to break that. Which is something I have had to explain to various parents, partners and other close friends/relatives many, many times.
I’m a tech addict, she’s the yin to my yang, if she never had to message, email, text ever again, carry a phone or indeed use a search engine then she’d be delighted, I’m the polar opposite, we both understand each other’s love / loathing of tech and we agree to disagree, I know all of her passwords and she knows I’d never snoop without her complete approval, I only know the passwords because I helped set up the access to various stuff. I have zero intention of looking, it’s the equivalent of opening her post, it’s addressed to her, it’s hers. Why would I break that trust? We both leave our phones lying around, if I had stuff to hide then I’m not the man she thinks I am. A gentleman doesn’t need to know the contents of his S/Os knicker drawer! I’ll never snoop!
I genuinely don't agree with a lot of these. I think you would be able to share most f nt all things with your SO. If you don't feel comfortable with that, ask yourself... Why?
My KFC gravy. Get your own. This tub and this extra tub, I ordered specifically for me. There is only one reason to come to KFC, that's the gravy. Don't go dipping a chip and pinching some of my gravy!
Share your gravy, you gravy hoarder. Bond over your common love of KFC gravy. They will make more...
Load More Replies... I'd add: if you don't like one or all of their children but are committed to loving them. As long as you are NEVER and I mean N-E-V-E-R unkind or unloving to them, having a personality difference - just suck it up.
Anything to do with any of my patients at work. Patients have a right to privacy and it would have to take something very compelling for me to break that. Which is something I have had to explain to various parents, partners and other close friends/relatives many, many times.
I’m a tech addict, she’s the yin to my yang, if she never had to message, email, text ever again, carry a phone or indeed use a search engine then she’d be delighted, I’m the polar opposite, we both understand each other’s love / loathing of tech and we agree to disagree, I know all of her passwords and she knows I’d never snoop without her complete approval, I only know the passwords because I helped set up the access to various stuff. I have zero intention of looking, it’s the equivalent of opening her post, it’s addressed to her, it’s hers. Why would I break that trust? We both leave our phones lying around, if I had stuff to hide then I’m not the man she thinks I am. A gentleman doesn’t need to know the contents of his S/Os knicker drawer! I’ll never snoop!
I genuinely don't agree with a lot of these. I think you would be able to share most f nt all things with your SO. If you don't feel comfortable with that, ask yourself... Why?
