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The whole idea of keeping secrets from people has a lot of negative connotations to it. In our minds, it can be interpreted as a sign of distrust, or it could be somehow used against us, or, just, straight up, why keep secrets from someone? Are they not good enough to know?

Well, Redditors have actually been listing things and situations that should be kept a secret because that's the good and right thing to do. It can be because folks need to have some degree of privacy, or because not saying something is better than actually saying it. Whatever the case, there is a legit reason to be secretive sometimes, even if it is your significant other.

The now-viral post on AskReddit, posing the question what things should be kept private from your SO, no matter how healthy your relationship is? and having over 46,300 upvotes as of this article, aims to legitimize having some secrecy in a relationship.

So, scroll down, upvote, sideways comment, do what you do best in the comment section below, explaining secrets you think should be kept as far away as possible from your significant others!

More Info: Reddit

#1

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Journals. My partner writes in one every night before bed and I have no idea what any of it says. If she wants to share with me she can. Those are her private thoughts and feelings until she decides differently. Same goes for me.

Sanguiniutron , brewbooks Report

#2

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last My steady supply of jokes.

I set up my android to send me a joke every night at 5 pm and I tell it to my husband later on, before I jump in the shower.

He always asks where I'm getting this stuff from and I just laugh and shut the bathroom door.

I would like him to continue thinking of me as this endless joke fairy for the rest of our lives.

welldressedpickles , Michael Coghlan Report

#3

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last My wife is sensitive about animals, so anytime I see/read some sort of tragedy related to an animal, I hide it from her.

atsigns , Andrew Hainen Report

#4

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Even though my wife and I have been happily married for 6 years, we decided we would never go for a s**t while the other is in the shower. We're just not going there.

Doumtabarnack , aka Tman Report

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#5

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Bearttousai37 said:
My ex-wife used to interrogate me after every therapy session I had.

Dr_A_Mephesto replied:
Wow I’m so sorry. Therapy is a very personal and private thing. My wife and I are both in therapy and after we just ask “good session?” It opens the door to talk about stuff IF you want to but creates no pressure. 95% of the time we just go “yep” or “not really” and that’s the end of it.

Glad you are taking steps to be mentally healthy. Keep going, you got this!

Bearttousai37 , Ambernectar 13 Report

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Kusotare
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I imagine when people ask their SO's about their sessions, they're really asking, "Did you talk about me?"

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#6

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last So my short answer is nothing.

The longer answer is that they should be prepared for the answer and be adult enough to be able to handle it.

When my (now) wife and I were still dating, but we both knew it was serious, I let her know that anything she wanted to know I would tell her. I also said that she needed to be absolutely 100% sure that she really wanted to know that answer because I wouldn't lie to her. We've been together over 2 decades and there were a couple times when she asked something, usually when alcohol was involved, where I thought it a bad idea to answer but just said "Are you sure you want the answer"? Each of those times, maybe 3 of them, she reconsidered and said "no".

Now there are time I steer answers away from the asked question but that's not for privacy, just to make sure feelings aren't hurt. We've been together for a very long time and there has been weight gain (for both of us) and typical trope where she looks at me and says "I'm fat" or "I'm old". I look at her and say "You're beautiful". I'm not lying. She is beautiful in my eyes. I'm just steering away from that conversation which would hurt her feelings. The answer of "I love you", "You're beautiful", "I love your body" or "we're old and have had a great lifetime together" are all truths and they go far, and should be said to your partner.

minze , Jason Taellious Report

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#7

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last The unkind s**t you think when you're angry and tired, it will absolutely never help at all to say any of it out loud and even if you don't have a particularly big fight or break up over it you'll still regret it and they'll still remember. Possibly also what you think about how hot other people are, depending on how jealous/insecure your SO is.

Amnesigenic , Robert Ziegler Report

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HarriMissesScotland
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex said one nasty thing to me. He is a great guy, and I screwed up the marriage, not him. He said it in 1988. I still haven't gotten over it, which would upset him.

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#8

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Where I hide the secret, spare pair of scissors I keep for when he's lost all the other 11 pairs of scissors we own and I need to trim a chip bag down to make getting to the chips easier.

lysanderish , Ed Schipul Report

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#9

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last I do 12 step stuff, and I won’t tell her what I hear in the rooms.

WhatDoYouControl , JourneyPure Rehab Report

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Scotira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤔 I have never been to a group therapy, but I would think, all of those are confidential. And not meant for outsiders.

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#10

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last solblurgh said:
My midnight snack stash. I don't have any, but I think I should have some.

Clayman8 replied:
> "I don't have any."
Sounds like something someone with a snack stash would say. Speak up you candy-hoarding raccoon.

wise_comment replied:
> "Speak up you candy-hoarding raccoon."
Sometimes I was afraid our generation's Shakespeare would get buried in the noise. Glad to see I was wrong

solblurgh , JL Johnson Report

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#11

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Other people's secrets. They’re not yours to share.

What I mean by this, is agreeing to keep something confidential and then going against it.

Acnhchaotichathy , mendolus shank Report

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Kristin Ingersoll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not married. But I will say, when I tell a married girlfriend a secret, I assume she'll tell her husband. If she doesn't, great. But I assume she will. I'll often make it easy and tell them it's cool if they tell "hubby," just no one else.

tine-japp avatar
JensenDK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I discover that a girlfriend tells her husband MY secrets, I will no longer tell her any. 'I keep no secrets from my husband' is a red warning light for me - she can tell her own secrets, not mine.

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myhre0724 avatar
Lisa Whipp Myhre
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a vault. You tell me not to tell, I won't tell anybody. But if I have to let it out, I type it up... then I toss it in the shredder.

nicolenormand avatar
NicNor5560
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our children are adults. If they speak with one parent and not the other, like on the phone, we're probably not going to repeat whatever was said unless it pertains to something like "P would like to come over". Otherwise we don't really say anything. It's not a secret per se but they told only one of us. They get this so when they want us to share they tell us directly "Can you let Mom/Dad know?". Edit: Unless it's something dangerous or critical.

sanhayeob avatar
Diphylleia Grayi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother has taught me this with her example. Can't feel prouder about her loyalty, because thanks to her I could understand how important is trust!

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Sergio Bicerra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When i have some info I just have to tell something I just tell it to a taxi driver, changing gender and situations just in case. Almost no chance we're gonna meet again.

jessanderson avatar
ADumpsterFire
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Look if it's a terrible traumatic thing, no I'm telling my so about it, but if it's like a goofy embarrassing story you bet I'm telling him, and he does the same thing. I do always check first tho.

hamwi2000 avatar
Ahmad Hamad
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

mr-garyscott avatar
El Dee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every person will tell at least one other. If you truly want something kept secret don't tell anyone..

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Bob Bobbs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. If someone ask me not to tell I don't. It's really not that hard.

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Safy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I share everything, it isn't even like "oooh I have a secret" - and he and I aren't gossipy at all, so we would never share it beyond us anyway.

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Brian Abbott
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Who picks these pictures? Don't know what's going on in this one, but it looks a little suspect.

rkbarbo avatar
RK Barbo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why? Because it's a group of gay men? Or are you trying to kink shame?

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#12

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last No matter how healthy a relationship is, there'll always come a time where you have resentful thoughts of your spouse. Those should be kept to yourself, as most of them pass quickly. The only time you should share them is if they're persisting in some behavior that is hurting you, and then it should be done calmly and not in the heat of the moment. For instance, if you got home from work tired to find your spouse binge watching a TV show, but the sink is full of dirty dishes, the impulse may be to lace into them. Don't. Go ahead and do the dishes, and tomorrow, when that initial flash of anger has passed, discuss the issue.

People say arguments can be healthy in a relationship, but it all comes down to *how* you argue. Spouses, at least if they're good ones, know intimate details about you, your past, and how you think and feel. This gives them weapons to hurt you, and it may be tempting to use such weapons when angry. But if you know your spouse has a sore spot about their dad, and you say in anger "this is why your dad never loved you", you have permanently damaged your relationship. And that damage builds up over time. Successful relationships survive because people rein themselves in in that moment. Even when they're angry, they don't want to inflict wounds like that. So whenever the impulse arises to use those weapons in anger, resist the temptation! You may forget what you did quickly, but they won't.

Degs29 , Pingz Man Report

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Samantha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. Or cursing at each other and calling them nasty names during an argument (obv any other time, too). Don't let temporary anger ruin a good thing.

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#13

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last It's not that it should be kept private, as in forcefully, but I believe both persons in a relationship should have privacy in their devices.

My SO has all my logins, and passcodes for my phone and tablet, but this doesn't give her the right to go snooping for stuff that will never be there. She can totally grab my phone, if it's nearest, to search on google, or grab someone's phone number. But we've agreed that if either of us snoop, you better be sure that there's going to be something to find, because if there isn't, then you deserve the trouble that you've caused.

H16HP01N7 , Karl Baron Report

#14

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Things that you don't like about their body. They just don't need to know.

If you are concerned about their *health or hygiene* that warrants a conversation but making comments about physical flaws—completely unnecessary.

MostBeautiful_Plague , Dave Ruske Report

#15

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last The location of your ships while playing Battleship.

MadlyHatting , frankieleon Report

#16

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Which of your friends or family don’t like them.

It will do nothing but upset them, and worse create a bigger problem between them.

I would also like to add to that if one of your friends or family members don’t like your s/o and you aren’t at the very least making them be polite and respectful when they have to be around each other you are the main problem in that scenario.

santichrist , Leonard Erlandson Report

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Zophra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Defend your SO without telling them who insulted them or talked bad about them!

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#18

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Things you aren't ready to talk about yet. I have a lot of trauma and I'm not always ready to talk or explain. However, I'm lucky my partner respects that and has let me open up at my own pace.

upsidedowntoker , Andrew Yee Report

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, but when asked, don't say that nothing's wrong when it's obvious that something is wrong. Instead, say, "Yes, something is wrong, but I'm not ready to talk about it." At least you're not misleading your partner, then pulling the rug out from under them later (when you are ready to talk about it).

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#19

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last I don't like the idea of sharing absolutely everything with one's partner like it's a proof of healthiness. I think it's healthy to maintain some sort of individuality, personal mental space, your secret garden that only you can access. You are not only a couple, you don't only exist through your partner, you also are an individual human being with your own inner world that you don't have to share entirely with someone else, and no one can take that away from you. I feel like if you completely merge with someone else you lose yourself.

I don't think that's avoidant attachment style, I'm clearly not. I just think it's normal if my SO has things she doesn't want to talk about with me, won't share every single thing. She's not me, and as much as I like to say she's mine, she's not really "mine" either.

TwelveSixFive , Mussi Katz Report

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JensenDK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much this. I am a person, not just half of a couple. Besides - if my partner shared everything with me, I'd get bored at some point. I love that he still can surprise me with a thought or an opinion after 22 years <3

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#20

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last mostpeopleheresuck12 said:
That you know you’re the Pet’s favorite person.

abrokenelevator replied:
Oof, I am absolutely both of our dogs favorite person. We both know it but I would never ever say that to my wife.

Minito200YT replied:
No one deserves to be told such a thing.

MissVelveteen replied:
Not only not say it but I also had to deny it on a regular basis despite it being abundantly obvious to literally everyone.

mostpeopleheresuck12 , BOMBMAN Report

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Kusotare
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One dog was my dog. She'd do anything I told her to do, but sometimes she'd just stare at my wife like, "who are you?" (She was my hunting dog, and loved to go out in the field with me.) Another dog loved us both equally. And a third dog was definitely my wife's dog, who would play with me but clearly preferred her. We miss them all.

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#21

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last This is a really subjective answer and I'm sure [folks] will disagree, but for me:

Bathroom time.

I got 3 kids and one of them is my full-time responsibility as her mom isn't around. I live and breath for my kids and I love them, but doing my morning and evening bathroom events I really love the solitude.

The last few women I dated were great, but they would just kinda barge in no matter what I was doing. To me, showering at the end of the day, brushing my teeth, using the toilet are all kind of "zen" for me. I just don't like sharing a shower or being interrupted while doing so.

That's just me. I'm single so... Maybe there's a reason for that ;P

For those saying "just lock the door" I want to say my daughter is almost 5. When I shower I can't just *leave* her alone. That's how horrible accidents happen. Yea, she can pour herself water and use the potty alone but I can't shut her out. If she has a problem I need her to be able to come in. I live alone and her brothers are only around ever so often due to custody orders. Locking my bathroom door just isn't a good idea with a toddler running around.

She sits on my bed and usually watches TV while I shower. Idk if the women I've dated just saw this as an open opportunity, but locking the door to my kiddo just isn't a good idea.

Lelio-Santero579 , liz west Report

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El Dee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get that. It'll take awhile longer before you can shower without too much worry. And respect costs nothing, giving someone the smallest piece of privacy is the very least you can do..

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#23

Nobody is perfect. But if I'm asked—yes, you are the most handsome, best partner ever, etc. I don't understand how people say anything different for their current partner but you know, different folks.

If you're partner is doing something wrong in your relationship in general you obviously should communicate with them about it. My comment was more about being my partner's biggest cheerleader and building them up—purely that angle.

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Monica Sargent
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand any other way of thinking. That's your star player. Are you really going to tear them down to your friends? Best man in the world, smartest, most manly, kindest, best father, etc.

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#24

If your SO has been in combat, don’t ask about the details. In the unlikely event they want you to know, they’ll tell you.

This is not to say they should not seek/you should not encourage them to get the appropriate medical support, nor is this to say that you shouldn’t know they’ve been in combat or listen to them if they experience emotions around it; however, seeking out the details are a red line of inquiry.

It’s important to note that I deliberately call out “details” as the red line. Acknowledging to your partner that you’re willing to listen to what they want to share and/or to be part of their support system (in whatever way is in integrity for your relationship) is always the priority.

HellYeahBelle Report

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T.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd rather not know about detatched limbs and grown men screaming for their moms. Understanding the dread of war is more than enough.

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#25

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last That I know you keep a secret stash of chocolate in the tampax box. Not my business?

sexyshadyshadowbeard , el7bara Report

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Kusotare
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have chocolate hidden from my wife in so many places I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of them. When we die and the kids clean out the house, they're gonna find a lot of old chocolate. (I don't hide it to hoard it. I hide it so she won't eat it all in one or two sittings. She has poor impulse control when it comes to chocolate.)

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#26

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Confidential work-related things that I'm legally not supposed to tell anyone outside of the project/case.

emjilihyonghe , Rural Institute Report

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Scotira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same goes for patient data! You never talk about patient related things. You should however talk about your feelings, if not with you SO then with someone else. If you don't you burn out faster than a candle that burns on both ends! I'm treating cancer patients, mostly children, and sometimes my one hour commute isn't enough to decompress. Then I need my husband to listen to me or hold me when I cry bc I lost one of my patients.

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#27

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Sometimes, no matter how attractive your partner is to you and no matter how much you love them, there is an aspect to them that is unchangeable but that you find gross or annoying or just generally less than attractive. Clogged nose pores, a laugh that sounds like a muppet, big toe nails that just look a little bit weird, or that single long hair growing from inside their ear that just keeps coming back no matter what they do. If it’s going to make them feel insecure or unloved, this is something you should just keep to yourself.

In a relationship, you learn each other’s weak points and vulnerabilities, and using them against your partner is a boundary that, once you cross it, you can’t come back from. Once you make someone feel like they can’t trust you with their vulnerable self, your relationship is on its way out.

baby_armadillo , TenSafeFrogs Report

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Snowfoxrox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As my husband has gotten older, he has sprouted some impressive ear hairs. I will 100% trim those suckers down for him as and act of love. He's not offended. It's just funny how our bodies change as we age.

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#28

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Your internet browser history.

You take that s**t to the grave.

ttyy2000 , Steve Jurvetson Report

#29

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last My dad has mentioned a few times that in their 40+ years of marriage, he’s never gone in her top dresser drawer or purse.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmfarts , Amy G Report

#30

Despite How Close You Might Be With Your Partner, Folks Online Suggest You Never Share These 30 Things So That Your Relationship Will Last Where your secret stash of band aids is.

I dunno about the rest of you, but my wife and kids will go through an industrial size case o band aids faster than you can say supercalifragilisticexpealidocious and the twice a year I actually need one. They’re never there.

Uztta , Daniel Lobo Report

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Snowfoxrox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me laugh.. in my parents house it's my dad who uses an inordinate amount of bandaids.. blood thinner and crepe paper skin will do that.

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Note: this post originally had 35 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.