18 Y.O. Leaves Parents’ Home In Fury After Learning Her Uncle Nearly Became Her Dad, Which Explains Why He Distanced Himself From Them
There is no easy way to deal with wanting to be a dad, but not being able to be one.
It’s even harder when you stumble upon that one chance to become a dad and it goes south really quickly when you find out your wife had an affair and the kid isn’t yours.
And it’s even-even harder when you find out the other guy is your brother. And you know you will have to live with it because this is your family.
A Redditor has recently opened up about this situation with the AITA community.
More Info: Reddit
There is no easy way of dealing with wanting to be a dad, but not being able to be one. And it’s even harder when you find out you’ll be one, and then it’s taken away from you
Image source: Courtney Carmody (not the actual photo)
The story goes that OP always wanted to be a father. And when his girlfriend of 11 years finally said that she was pregnant, he was ecstatic. You see, OP has fertility problems, so the chances of him fathering his own children were next to nothing. But not impossible.
However, after a little girl was born, right before signing the birth certificate, OP found out the kid wasn’t really his. Adding salt to the wound, he also found out that the other guy was actually his brother. One DNA test later, this was verified.
A Redditor recently opened up about his situation, whereby he told his niece how she almost was his daughter, but an affair determined otherwise
Image source: username52819101js
The ex ended up marrying his brother and raising the daughter. Fast forward 18 years later, OP is 42 years old and well off. And since he doesn’t have any biological commitments, he has ended up helping out some of his younger relatives pay for college. Except for one: Lily, his now 18-year-old niece, his brother’s and ex’s daughter.
So, it didn’t take long for her to take initiative. She asked why he wasn’t offering to help her financially with the future of her education. At first, he came back with how her parents are actually well off enough to be able to fund her studies, but then he added how she expects him to be OK with watching his ex, her mother, and his brother, who had an affair with his ex, “play happy family” in front of him.
During a family gathering, the niece approached OP regarding her college funding, but he, having always distanced himself from them all, told her the truth
Image source: username52819101js
Image source: Jérémi Joslin (not the actual photo)
She got quiet. In fact, she stayed that way for the rest of the day and vanished at some point. That evening, OP got a call, picking up the phone to the sound of yelling—his ex accusing him of being a homewrecker. Turns out, Lily’s parents never told her anything about anything that had happened in the family. OP was the first one to tell her how it was. Apparently, she vanished to live with her boyfriend. Hence the call. And accusations.
OP did start feeling somewhat guilty, but as it had affected her more than he thought it would. On the other hand, she’s a grown-up, and she deserves to know the truth.
There was a brief update hitting on several nuances. But the main one was explaining what it feels like having to see a child that looks like him, has the name he gave, being raised by the woman he loved for over a decade. If anything, it’s not good for him on a mental level.
After the story took off, OP provided a brief update and explained several things, most notably how he feels about it
Image source: username52819101js
Image source: username52819101js (not the actual photo)
Well, folks online were supportive of OP. Some agreed that the parents should have told her about the distancing and the situation in general. Others explained that, by the looks of things, OP didn’t treat Lily harshly, nor did he show any resentment, nor should he feel any guilt about sharing his kindness with some and not others.
After reading some of the comments, OP decided to get in touch with Lily and talk to her about it. If she’s willing, of course. OP promised to provide an update, if he’s able to, and as of this article, there was none. Bored Panda also reached out to OP to comment on the situation.
Folks thought OP is not wrong for being truthful with his niece about something that her parents should have told her long ago
The post ended up garnering 14,000 upvotes with a good handful of Reddit awards. You can check out the post in context here, or any other of our articles covering Am I The A-Hole posts here. But don’t go anywhere as we’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation. What do you think the parents should have done? What about OP? Leave us a comment in the comment section below!
He just NOW came out with an update on the situation. He and Lily met up to talk and he came clean about everything. And she came clean and told him the story she heard growing up. Apparently her parents told her that her uncle had a “miracle baby” also called Lily and she died shortly after her birth. And that’s why he never liked being around Lily, because she reminded him too much of the “daughter who died”. Wow…. What a terrible thing for those parents to say. That already makes them worse than they already were. But anyway, he had been going to therapy for years and the therapist was the one to suggest to keep himself at a distance from Lily and her parents. But now that Lily is a legal adult she wants to have a relationship with her uncle and he’s agree to it since he will no longer have to see her parents again. And also, the rest of the family had decided to break off contact with the parents as well.
That last sentence made me so fricking happy- It's good to know that everything ended better than it started 😊
Load More Replies...I fully understand your complex feelings for and about Lily, and I don't blame you for having them. I do hope, however, that you can continue to remind yourself that Lily is also an innocent victim of your brother's and ex's perfidy. Maybe you don't need to pay for her college, but it'd be good karma for you to build a positive relationship with her, especially since she now feels betrayed by her parents.
I agree, but I can't imagine how I would react in his situation! I think he has handled it more graciously than I could. Also, thanks for the new word - perfidy!!
Load More Replies...Yeah, none of this was her fault yet she still has consequences from it :(
Load More Replies...NTA. But also Lily is genetically 25 % your blood, like the older nephew that you gave a possibility to go to college. So maybe treat them alike and be the better person.
Not a fan of Lily asking for cash like that. She may have been resentful, but you just don't go to a relative demanding college tuition, regardless if he gave others tuition. She should have asked her parents if that was a good option before doing it that way. Though she may have never learned the truth.
Load More Replies...Being ecstatic to be a father and it suddenly being ripped from you... It's a pain that still keeps me up at night. I loved that little boy as if he were my own, and to this day, I still care even if I can't be a part of their lives. Maybe I'll see them again some day... But can't hope for the past
I found it disgusting that the ex-wife accused you of being a homewrecker when you told Lily, given that has been the role of her and your brother for the past 19 years.
Very hard to handle but treating her different is causing her damage, im sure she feels all alone now. That would not sit well with me. Knowing i let the cat out of the bag.. be the better person and straighten it out, because rite now she is feeling betrayed by everyone and thats not fair to her she did nothing.
I don't understand why would Lily ask him to pay for her education when her parents could afford and they only had her? He clearly said he helped the other nephews and nieces because they actually needed the help. Instead Lily should be happy her cousin got the help they needed and be grateful she has parents that can help her. He doesn't need to give Lily money because he spoke the truth.it was her choice to move out not his You shouldn't have to give money to anyone for telling the truth to make things better. He does need healing from this betrayal and it doesn't look like his brother and ex have any remorse. Relationships should not be built on money. No amount of money can heal this situation.
It wasn't about the money for her.. She wanted the same love from her Uncle that the rest got.. She never had a relationship with him and he seems cool.. Own business single and successful.. Never let his shirt coming if no kids stop him f om changing little kids lives.. She just wanted to know he loved her equally even if his Fake lilly baby died.. So many people who read this story only see the money and not the pain both people felt because they obviously had a connection since he did talk to her and care for her while in the womb..
Load More Replies...I think you were wrong in the way you treated your niece all those years. Yes, I understand that you were hurt. But Lily was a child and was not responsible for the affairs of the adults. I am sure that you know the difference between right and wrong. If you wanted to hurt her parents in an effort to make you feel better then you should have went after them directly. You should have never treated a child that way no matter what. I can't tell you how to feel about the hurt and betrayal but I can say you should have never let your feelings run over into the relationship with your niece. Children have enough to deal with without us adults adding to it. You keep looking at how you feel but think about how Lily felt all these years being outcast by her uncle.
So your saying if your man slept with your sister and got her pregnant and then told you it was his right as it was being born in front of the family you would have stuck around?? Stop pretending like your so high and mighty.. You know you would have lost it.. You would never come around and be mad at anyone who still talks to them.. You would never come to family events out of humility and be super distant to your sister and your BF's little family especially if they got married and everyone went!!! Man all you woman and men in these comments are straight up liars!!!
Load More Replies...Lily is still his niece, and from her perspective, the difference in treatment is unfair and cold, and she is innocent in all of this. He has no obligation to her, but he could have been kinder, instead of making her the target of his bitterness. He could have lead with "I'm not close to you your parents. There is a reason for this, something your parents did that really hurt me. It's not your fault, but it affects how I feel about you, and it means I see paying for your college as your parents' job, and not something I should help with." Then, if she wanted to know more he could have explained that he had been dating a girl since they were teens, got engaged, was overjoyed to become a father after fearing he couldn't, had held his baby girl and named her Lily. Then learned that Lily wasn't his, his fiancee was cheating, with his brother. That when he sees her parents, he still feels betrayed, and hurt. And say "I see that this hurts you, and I'm sorry, but I just can't."
Again. I fail to inderstand how people can be so cruel towards kids that have nothing to do with the sordid affairs their parents had. I understand OP's anger towards his ex, not towards the child, so yeah, towards her, Y are TA. That kid learned a harsh truth that day. One she didn't ask for and had no part in it.
NTA. Your ex-fiance and brother both are, and have no right to be angry with you. Who cares if they are? They had 18 years to at least tell Lily an abridged version of the truth - That you were together and she dumped you for him, which would have sufficed in explaining to Lily why you were distant. The cheating chickenshits couldn't let her know her parents were not perfect, and as a result, they reap what they sowed. Eff them, but Lily is innocent. That is not to say you should have a relationship with her. But a conversation. BTW, I have an adopted brother that I am closer to than my biological one. Parenthood is not off the table for you. Be well.
I heard in the update that Lily cut off complete contact with her family and is having a bond with her uncle now which I feel like is perfect karma for his ex and brother considering he named her.
First - if she and her uncle had this distant relationship for all these years, why would she even ask for the money to begin with? I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, going to basically a stranger asking for money just because he is your uncle and has given it to other family members. Just doesn’t sit right. It would suck, but if we weren’t close I would understand it. And she was going to find out sooner or later, her parent were just so stupid to try and keep their affair and everything after secret.
Yes you are the A… punishing the kid for her parents actions. You are like a bad version of Severus Snape.
Sorry but to me you are the ahole. You punished Lily for something her parents did to you. You treated her differently to the rest of your niece's and nephew's and she probably felt that growing up. She is innocent and you punished her for the actions of her parents. That is not ok.
"Your parents and I have a vastly different relationship than I have with your cousins' parents. It's really a discussion you need to have with them. After that, you and I can have a conversation in a more appropriate setting." Or, you know, be an a-hole to a child. Eighteen years later, the therapy should have gotten him further.
Yes. Money doesn't buy everything. You can certainly pay a therapist to validate your b******t though.
Load More Replies...Nta,, Lily’s parents are. But, also not the hero. Ultimately, she must deal with being singled out as not being gifted. You are also not obligated to help anyone else, either, but did. Essentially, she has no family, and again, not your fault. The actual problem is that she seems to come from wealth and therefore does not qualify for student aid.
N T A. Your bother and his Ex brought this on themselves. First she cheated. Then she lied. Since she is their only child. That alone should tell you ALL you need to know about their relationship. Furthermore. Since YOU are NOT the parent it's NOT your job to put her through school. It's there job. And had they come clean years ago about birth. Then the hurt and sour feelings she now has towards them would not be there. This is truly a case of. You weap what you sow.
“How DARE you force us to face the consequences of our own asshòle actions?!!” That being said - just pay her way, same as the rest.
YTA. When you paid for first couple of college educations, you should have taken the topic up with Lily's parents and then had them + you explain what was going on with her education. It's not her fault that she's not yours, you could've handled this way better.
except he doesnt talk with Lily's parents? He's no contact with them verbally. HE HAS TO ENDURE THEM DURING FAMILY EVENTS. Nothing else
Load More Replies...Maybe the poor girl was asking him, in the hope that he would start treating her like his other nieces and Nephews. She is an 18 yr old kids who doesn't understand why her uncle doesn't like her. Was he a jerk? Absolutely! His was a teenage relationship .He is now (supposedly) a grown man. I like how he says he did it for HIS mental health, without ANY consideration for Lily's .I'm glad her parents can afford to pay for her education. Hopefully, they will do that and all three of them will wash their hands of the OP and his "poor me" attitude .They are better off without him. She is baring the brunt of her parent's bad form and her uncle's petty cruelty.
I don't like how he treated her differently than his other nieces and nephews. Lily was bound to be jealous by all the attention he was giving them. I understand his feelings, but he should have also been considerate of hers and not shunned her the way he did. At the very least, he could've tried to be equally distant from her cousins.
Honestly, I think this guy is kind of an a*****e just a little to refuse to pay for her education when he had set up a pattern and refused to treat Lily like the others because she was a product of something she had nothing to do with, so just a little ETA
YTA. Only because you have generously helped your other nieces and nephews. And have chosen not to help Lily due to her parents bad decisions. Along with shattering her perceptions of who she is, who her family is, and basically her identity. You got the slow burn revenge, do you feel better? I actually was in a similar situation and it really had a profound impact on everything, including my sense of identity.
explain to me WHICH Parents would let her daughter hangout with an uncle they don't have a relationship with?
Load More Replies...He's TA. He VERY intentionally EXCLUDED Lily among her cousins and siblings. College tuition is an enormous gift. If he was going to fund ANY of his niblings' education, he should've funded ALL of them. To exclude Lily and Lily alone is to blame her entirely for how he was hurt. He should've withheld money from all of his niblings. Now Lily won't be able to get ANY kind of college funding until she's at least 24, because it's illegal to give grants or loans to a person under 24 if they're estranged from their parents.
lmfao dumbfuck thinks he can have a relationship with the niece if he hates the parents. WHICH Parents would let her daughter hangout with and uncle they don't have a relationship with?
Load More Replies...NTA for telling the truth. But still TA for not being the bigger person and realizing that Lily Is a victim just as much by not treating her equally as the others. She has no blame in this game.
So I'd your brother screws the woman that you love, gets pregnant, claims it's yours, have a crisis of conscience and tells you the truth THEN marry said brother and go on with their happy little life with the child that you thought was yours that YOU held, loved and named, you will be the bigger person???!!!?? If you say yes, you are a damned liar! You would be still calling your brother and ex names to this day, 18 years later and every normal, jaded person would
Load More Replies...I would go with YTA. I appreciate how heartbreaking this might have felt/feels. But It's absolutely not her fault. I understand his feelings and wanting to keep her at arm's length. But paying for her education has nothing to do with it. He wants to punish her parents by punishing her. And he can adopt make some child very happy
I don't believe he's trying to punish either of them. She wanted answers and he gave them to her & the fact that she came from an affair and her parents never told her the truth is on them.
Load More Replies...This had absolutely nothing to do her! Also, if she's just turning 18, at what point in her childhood should she have been involved in the adult affairs of her family ... NEVER! Uncle needs counseling..it's been 18 years and he's still acting out! ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT! He's only hurting himself, they've moved on and yet the first chance he gets he brings the daughter/ niece into his 18 year darkness and dysfunction... DISGUSTING!
I'm surprised everybody thinks he's not the a*****e. I don't think he's an a*****e for telling the truth to his niece, but he is an a*****e for treating her different her entire life. She's not responsible for her parents mistakes. If you treat her differently, you're the a*****e. When she asked for help with college you basically said "f**k off". Instead of actually inquiring if she needed help in some respect. Maybe her parents do have enough money, but also, maybe her parents don't want to give her any money. It's a huge flaw in the student loan system in Canada. It takes into consideration the money your parents have. But just because your parents have it, doesn't mean they want to give it to you. Especially if you're planning to study something they don't approve of. Of course you're not responsible and are not obligated to pay for anything. But if you're willing to do it for other nieces and nephews but not her, then you're treating her differently because of her parents mistakes, and you're the a*****e.
Her parents could afford to send her to college so she shouldn't have asked him in the first place. He doesn't have to do anything for anyone. It's his money. No one is entitled to your wealth. It's nice that he helps but if he decides not to, that is his prerogative. He's not the ahole.
Load More Replies...They're an a*****e for over sharing. They could have just said they paid for college for the people who couldn't afford it, leaving the whole "play happy family" s**t out of it.
I just wish he found a way over the years to take some if that free time and money and talk to a counselor. That's what he could do for the girl now instead of college if he felt so inclined. Help her get rid of the generational trauma band aid that he just riooed off. It would be more valuable then college.
lmfao he did talk to a counselor. And the COUNSELOR told him to stay away from them lol.
Load More Replies...Feelings don’t always lead to doing the right thing. Sounds like you vented to the wrong person. Lily should know the truth but from her parents. A call from you beforehand might have been better. You’ve already shown what a special uncle you can be. Maybe all those years Lily needed you as that special uncle.
She's 18. Which means that she is an adult (if this is taking place in the USA). "Jerk" is the least offensive thing she could have called him. And honestly, if I were her and didn't know his reasoning for saying no, I would have called him something worse. But then again, I have anger issues.
Load More Replies...He just NOW came out with an update on the situation. He and Lily met up to talk and he came clean about everything. And she came clean and told him the story she heard growing up. Apparently her parents told her that her uncle had a “miracle baby” also called Lily and she died shortly after her birth. And that’s why he never liked being around Lily, because she reminded him too much of the “daughter who died”. Wow…. What a terrible thing for those parents to say. That already makes them worse than they already were. But anyway, he had been going to therapy for years and the therapist was the one to suggest to keep himself at a distance from Lily and her parents. But now that Lily is a legal adult she wants to have a relationship with her uncle and he’s agree to it since he will no longer have to see her parents again. And also, the rest of the family had decided to break off contact with the parents as well.
That last sentence made me so fricking happy- It's good to know that everything ended better than it started 😊
Load More Replies...I fully understand your complex feelings for and about Lily, and I don't blame you for having them. I do hope, however, that you can continue to remind yourself that Lily is also an innocent victim of your brother's and ex's perfidy. Maybe you don't need to pay for her college, but it'd be good karma for you to build a positive relationship with her, especially since she now feels betrayed by her parents.
I agree, but I can't imagine how I would react in his situation! I think he has handled it more graciously than I could. Also, thanks for the new word - perfidy!!
Load More Replies...Yeah, none of this was her fault yet she still has consequences from it :(
Load More Replies...NTA. But also Lily is genetically 25 % your blood, like the older nephew that you gave a possibility to go to college. So maybe treat them alike and be the better person.
Not a fan of Lily asking for cash like that. She may have been resentful, but you just don't go to a relative demanding college tuition, regardless if he gave others tuition. She should have asked her parents if that was a good option before doing it that way. Though she may have never learned the truth.
Load More Replies...Being ecstatic to be a father and it suddenly being ripped from you... It's a pain that still keeps me up at night. I loved that little boy as if he were my own, and to this day, I still care even if I can't be a part of their lives. Maybe I'll see them again some day... But can't hope for the past
I found it disgusting that the ex-wife accused you of being a homewrecker when you told Lily, given that has been the role of her and your brother for the past 19 years.
Very hard to handle but treating her different is causing her damage, im sure she feels all alone now. That would not sit well with me. Knowing i let the cat out of the bag.. be the better person and straighten it out, because rite now she is feeling betrayed by everyone and thats not fair to her she did nothing.
I don't understand why would Lily ask him to pay for her education when her parents could afford and they only had her? He clearly said he helped the other nephews and nieces because they actually needed the help. Instead Lily should be happy her cousin got the help they needed and be grateful she has parents that can help her. He doesn't need to give Lily money because he spoke the truth.it was her choice to move out not his You shouldn't have to give money to anyone for telling the truth to make things better. He does need healing from this betrayal and it doesn't look like his brother and ex have any remorse. Relationships should not be built on money. No amount of money can heal this situation.
It wasn't about the money for her.. She wanted the same love from her Uncle that the rest got.. She never had a relationship with him and he seems cool.. Own business single and successful.. Never let his shirt coming if no kids stop him f om changing little kids lives.. She just wanted to know he loved her equally even if his Fake lilly baby died.. So many people who read this story only see the money and not the pain both people felt because they obviously had a connection since he did talk to her and care for her while in the womb..
Load More Replies...I think you were wrong in the way you treated your niece all those years. Yes, I understand that you were hurt. But Lily was a child and was not responsible for the affairs of the adults. I am sure that you know the difference between right and wrong. If you wanted to hurt her parents in an effort to make you feel better then you should have went after them directly. You should have never treated a child that way no matter what. I can't tell you how to feel about the hurt and betrayal but I can say you should have never let your feelings run over into the relationship with your niece. Children have enough to deal with without us adults adding to it. You keep looking at how you feel but think about how Lily felt all these years being outcast by her uncle.
So your saying if your man slept with your sister and got her pregnant and then told you it was his right as it was being born in front of the family you would have stuck around?? Stop pretending like your so high and mighty.. You know you would have lost it.. You would never come around and be mad at anyone who still talks to them.. You would never come to family events out of humility and be super distant to your sister and your BF's little family especially if they got married and everyone went!!! Man all you woman and men in these comments are straight up liars!!!
Load More Replies...Lily is still his niece, and from her perspective, the difference in treatment is unfair and cold, and she is innocent in all of this. He has no obligation to her, but he could have been kinder, instead of making her the target of his bitterness. He could have lead with "I'm not close to you your parents. There is a reason for this, something your parents did that really hurt me. It's not your fault, but it affects how I feel about you, and it means I see paying for your college as your parents' job, and not something I should help with." Then, if she wanted to know more he could have explained that he had been dating a girl since they were teens, got engaged, was overjoyed to become a father after fearing he couldn't, had held his baby girl and named her Lily. Then learned that Lily wasn't his, his fiancee was cheating, with his brother. That when he sees her parents, he still feels betrayed, and hurt. And say "I see that this hurts you, and I'm sorry, but I just can't."
Again. I fail to inderstand how people can be so cruel towards kids that have nothing to do with the sordid affairs their parents had. I understand OP's anger towards his ex, not towards the child, so yeah, towards her, Y are TA. That kid learned a harsh truth that day. One she didn't ask for and had no part in it.
NTA. Your ex-fiance and brother both are, and have no right to be angry with you. Who cares if they are? They had 18 years to at least tell Lily an abridged version of the truth - That you were together and she dumped you for him, which would have sufficed in explaining to Lily why you were distant. The cheating chickenshits couldn't let her know her parents were not perfect, and as a result, they reap what they sowed. Eff them, but Lily is innocent. That is not to say you should have a relationship with her. But a conversation. BTW, I have an adopted brother that I am closer to than my biological one. Parenthood is not off the table for you. Be well.
I heard in the update that Lily cut off complete contact with her family and is having a bond with her uncle now which I feel like is perfect karma for his ex and brother considering he named her.
First - if she and her uncle had this distant relationship for all these years, why would she even ask for the money to begin with? I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, going to basically a stranger asking for money just because he is your uncle and has given it to other family members. Just doesn’t sit right. It would suck, but if we weren’t close I would understand it. And she was going to find out sooner or later, her parent were just so stupid to try and keep their affair and everything after secret.
Yes you are the A… punishing the kid for her parents actions. You are like a bad version of Severus Snape.
Sorry but to me you are the ahole. You punished Lily for something her parents did to you. You treated her differently to the rest of your niece's and nephew's and she probably felt that growing up. She is innocent and you punished her for the actions of her parents. That is not ok.
"Your parents and I have a vastly different relationship than I have with your cousins' parents. It's really a discussion you need to have with them. After that, you and I can have a conversation in a more appropriate setting." Or, you know, be an a-hole to a child. Eighteen years later, the therapy should have gotten him further.
Yes. Money doesn't buy everything. You can certainly pay a therapist to validate your b******t though.
Load More Replies...Nta,, Lily’s parents are. But, also not the hero. Ultimately, she must deal with being singled out as not being gifted. You are also not obligated to help anyone else, either, but did. Essentially, she has no family, and again, not your fault. The actual problem is that she seems to come from wealth and therefore does not qualify for student aid.
N T A. Your bother and his Ex brought this on themselves. First she cheated. Then she lied. Since she is their only child. That alone should tell you ALL you need to know about their relationship. Furthermore. Since YOU are NOT the parent it's NOT your job to put her through school. It's there job. And had they come clean years ago about birth. Then the hurt and sour feelings she now has towards them would not be there. This is truly a case of. You weap what you sow.
“How DARE you force us to face the consequences of our own asshòle actions?!!” That being said - just pay her way, same as the rest.
YTA. When you paid for first couple of college educations, you should have taken the topic up with Lily's parents and then had them + you explain what was going on with her education. It's not her fault that she's not yours, you could've handled this way better.
except he doesnt talk with Lily's parents? He's no contact with them verbally. HE HAS TO ENDURE THEM DURING FAMILY EVENTS. Nothing else
Load More Replies...Maybe the poor girl was asking him, in the hope that he would start treating her like his other nieces and Nephews. She is an 18 yr old kids who doesn't understand why her uncle doesn't like her. Was he a jerk? Absolutely! His was a teenage relationship .He is now (supposedly) a grown man. I like how he says he did it for HIS mental health, without ANY consideration for Lily's .I'm glad her parents can afford to pay for her education. Hopefully, they will do that and all three of them will wash their hands of the OP and his "poor me" attitude .They are better off without him. She is baring the brunt of her parent's bad form and her uncle's petty cruelty.
I don't like how he treated her differently than his other nieces and nephews. Lily was bound to be jealous by all the attention he was giving them. I understand his feelings, but he should have also been considerate of hers and not shunned her the way he did. At the very least, he could've tried to be equally distant from her cousins.
Honestly, I think this guy is kind of an a*****e just a little to refuse to pay for her education when he had set up a pattern and refused to treat Lily like the others because she was a product of something she had nothing to do with, so just a little ETA
YTA. Only because you have generously helped your other nieces and nephews. And have chosen not to help Lily due to her parents bad decisions. Along with shattering her perceptions of who she is, who her family is, and basically her identity. You got the slow burn revenge, do you feel better? I actually was in a similar situation and it really had a profound impact on everything, including my sense of identity.
explain to me WHICH Parents would let her daughter hangout with an uncle they don't have a relationship with?
Load More Replies...He's TA. He VERY intentionally EXCLUDED Lily among her cousins and siblings. College tuition is an enormous gift. If he was going to fund ANY of his niblings' education, he should've funded ALL of them. To exclude Lily and Lily alone is to blame her entirely for how he was hurt. He should've withheld money from all of his niblings. Now Lily won't be able to get ANY kind of college funding until she's at least 24, because it's illegal to give grants or loans to a person under 24 if they're estranged from their parents.
lmfao dumbfuck thinks he can have a relationship with the niece if he hates the parents. WHICH Parents would let her daughter hangout with and uncle they don't have a relationship with?
Load More Replies...NTA for telling the truth. But still TA for not being the bigger person and realizing that Lily Is a victim just as much by not treating her equally as the others. She has no blame in this game.
So I'd your brother screws the woman that you love, gets pregnant, claims it's yours, have a crisis of conscience and tells you the truth THEN marry said brother and go on with their happy little life with the child that you thought was yours that YOU held, loved and named, you will be the bigger person???!!!?? If you say yes, you are a damned liar! You would be still calling your brother and ex names to this day, 18 years later and every normal, jaded person would
Load More Replies...I would go with YTA. I appreciate how heartbreaking this might have felt/feels. But It's absolutely not her fault. I understand his feelings and wanting to keep her at arm's length. But paying for her education has nothing to do with it. He wants to punish her parents by punishing her. And he can adopt make some child very happy
I don't believe he's trying to punish either of them. She wanted answers and he gave them to her & the fact that she came from an affair and her parents never told her the truth is on them.
Load More Replies...This had absolutely nothing to do her! Also, if she's just turning 18, at what point in her childhood should she have been involved in the adult affairs of her family ... NEVER! Uncle needs counseling..it's been 18 years and he's still acting out! ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT! He's only hurting himself, they've moved on and yet the first chance he gets he brings the daughter/ niece into his 18 year darkness and dysfunction... DISGUSTING!
I'm surprised everybody thinks he's not the a*****e. I don't think he's an a*****e for telling the truth to his niece, but he is an a*****e for treating her different her entire life. She's not responsible for her parents mistakes. If you treat her differently, you're the a*****e. When she asked for help with college you basically said "f**k off". Instead of actually inquiring if she needed help in some respect. Maybe her parents do have enough money, but also, maybe her parents don't want to give her any money. It's a huge flaw in the student loan system in Canada. It takes into consideration the money your parents have. But just because your parents have it, doesn't mean they want to give it to you. Especially if you're planning to study something they don't approve of. Of course you're not responsible and are not obligated to pay for anything. But if you're willing to do it for other nieces and nephews but not her, then you're treating her differently because of her parents mistakes, and you're the a*****e.
Her parents could afford to send her to college so she shouldn't have asked him in the first place. He doesn't have to do anything for anyone. It's his money. No one is entitled to your wealth. It's nice that he helps but if he decides not to, that is his prerogative. He's not the ahole.
Load More Replies...They're an a*****e for over sharing. They could have just said they paid for college for the people who couldn't afford it, leaving the whole "play happy family" s**t out of it.
I just wish he found a way over the years to take some if that free time and money and talk to a counselor. That's what he could do for the girl now instead of college if he felt so inclined. Help her get rid of the generational trauma band aid that he just riooed off. It would be more valuable then college.
lmfao he did talk to a counselor. And the COUNSELOR told him to stay away from them lol.
Load More Replies...Feelings don’t always lead to doing the right thing. Sounds like you vented to the wrong person. Lily should know the truth but from her parents. A call from you beforehand might have been better. You’ve already shown what a special uncle you can be. Maybe all those years Lily needed you as that special uncle.
She's 18. Which means that she is an adult (if this is taking place in the USA). "Jerk" is the least offensive thing she could have called him. And honestly, if I were her and didn't know his reasoning for saying no, I would have called him something worse. But then again, I have anger issues.
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