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“Am I The Jerk For Serving My Boyfriend’s Parents Pizza For Dinner?”
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“Am I The Jerk For Serving My Boyfriend’s Parents Pizza For Dinner?”

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Recently, a 28-year-old woman who is “utterly and genuinely confused” turned to the AITA community for help. In a post that amassed 19.1k upvotes and 5.4k comments, the author MilanoItaliano1 shared an incident she had with her boyfriend’s family.

“I have been dating my boyfriend m31 for 7 months. His family is of Italian origins and they take a lot of pride in it,” she explained. One evening, his parents decided to come over for the first time. “They said they were visiting a friend and decided to stop by for dinner.”

The word “dinner” made MilanoItaliano1 freak out since it was late, she was working and had no time to cook. So she did what she thought was best and ordered a pizza.

It turns out that her boyfriend’s parents were not simply unimpressed with the meal, but they took it as an offensive gesture. Read on below to find out what happened and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments.

Image credits: Alexandra Gorn (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Ejov Igor (not the actual photo)

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Many people expressed their support for the author and said that she did nothing wrong in the situation

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laceneil avatar
Lace Neil
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they were really Italian, they would have shown up with a giant pot of food and insisted that it was eaten.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just what I was thinking. My mom's family isn't Italian, but the food culture is similar. Eat! Eat! Feed people! Nobody goes home hungry, nobody shows up without food, it's just not done.

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miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Firstly, 'Italian origin' means they are basically Americans with Italian ancestors, stop with this "I am xyz" nonsense when you are an American citizen. Secondly, you don't show up on short notice for dinner. Thirdly, why was SHE expected to prepare food when HIS parents showed up unexpectedly.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's recap: "Hi, we came over with no notice! Feed us" was met with pizza. And if it was Chinese or Thai or Indian or German they'd be fine? No. The real objection they have is to the OP, and it's obvious they raised their son to be a twit, so... Dump the boyfriend, let him find someone his parents think is a "nice Italian girl". I've seen this game played with people of dang near every ancestry, be they in the UK or US or Canada or wherever. "Oh but we're (fill in blank) so you should be with someone who meets our (very narrow demanding) expectations" is just a parental way of saying "we'll control you till we die". IMHO.

jordisharpe avatar
Jordi Sharpe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pizza is incapable of being racist. If you don't like pizza, you're wrong.

xolitaire avatar
xolitaire
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, sounds like your boyfriend's parents had already decided not to like you and were looking for an excuse to start drama. Major red flag.

ngregory avatar
N Gregory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My uncle (by marriage) was Italian. To the point where he was in his 30s before he learned English. He would have been grateful for the food. And grateful to you for providing it. If he had complaints it would be there wasn't enough of it! And even then he'd never say it (prior to his stroke at least, sadly after it he grew paranoid that there would never be enough). He was fussy about "Italian" food when going to a restaurant, but if it was impromptu, or homemade, he'd gush over the fact you thought to feed him at all. His son (previous marriage) came over for his funeral and couldn't thank the caterers enough (in broken English) for pizza and sandwiches at the wake. These people are ungrateful and insulting. It was never about the pizza.

secondonlytome avatar
April Dancer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You summed it up perfectly, particularly with your last line. They dropped in when they did, specifically to put the OP on the back foot and then jumped on her 'mistake' (not that it was a mistake) if it hadn't been the pizza, it would have been something else. Chuck the boyfriend. Unfortunately the parents are never going to think she is good enough for their little boy and he is always going to side with them. She's at least saved herself years of misery. Imagine marrying into that? I've got goosebumps even thinking about it.

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caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are coming unexpectedly, you shouldn't expect that people will bend over backwards trying to accommodate to your intricate gastronomical preferences. They aren't obligated to serve you even sandwiches. If anything, it's you who should bring something, like a cake or a bottle of wine.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it’s time to break up ma’am. He didn’t bother defending you over something any American does when they want a quick meal. Red flags everywhere

sinaduehrsen avatar
Rosy Maple Moth
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn‘t the boyfriend cook for his parents instead of leaving it to his girlfriend? After all they invited themselves (which is rather rude).

mikenteri08 avatar
Theresa Carroll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right and she said she was working too . So she did what any sane person would do order a pizza.. it's quick and effortless,also 😋🤤 his parents are entitled and actually the racist ones.. if their minds automatically go to race they are the racists.. js

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long_fung avatar
Alexis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am Asian. Please order sushi. I would not be offended, and honestly, I would eat any free food. Also, who shows up to other people's homes and expects to be fed without notice...

jencasey_1 avatar
Jen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously, unless you have a standing agreement dont do it. We could drop by my grandparents when ever and my sister can stop at my parents as we might be closer to them from where we worked in our 20s and my sister now sometimes does projects near my parents that run too late to get home. But it was offered first by the hosts as an open invite and we always made ourselves helpful in the process.

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dremosley avatar
Dre Mosley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rethink being in that relationship and a part of that family.

suegendron avatar
mm65851
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stopping by late for dinner with no notice. They should have BROUGHT dinner, in that case. Methinks they want a 'nice Italian girl' for their son. And he doesn't have your back. Get out now.

johng_3 avatar
John G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thinking they already know a "nice Italian girl" for the son. Probably one of his exes.

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keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

7 Months and gone girl. Bye to the whole man and his insufferable family. Pizza can be racist now......who knew......?

aislingraye avatar
Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I nearly missed the 7 months part! OP really needs to run for the hills.

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onitsuka
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I showed up and was served sushi or anything they consider Asian, that'd be cool. Because I'm not looking for s**t to be offended by.

vera-c-vanandel avatar
Vera1
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

White people who complain about you being racist to them (especially in a situation like this) are a massive red flag in and off itself. In my experience, those people are massive racists. It's the whole blue lives matter b******t all over again.

ryjin2 avatar
Mary Ryan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"White people" are not the only ones who can be the r word. My daughter was visiting Connecticut one time. Went to the movies, was coming out of the restroom and nearly ran into this woman and her daughter. She said, "Excuse me", only good manners, right? The woman replied, " I'm not white." Make of it what you will...

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laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The expectation was for you to scramble to provide a homemade meal that would “prove your worthiness” for their precious son. As a bonus, it would indicate that you have no boundaries and we’re eager to please. Both the parents and bf were displeased by you not meeting this expectation. Either your bf gets inside and shuts his parents down hard or you should end this relationship.

powerbuilders avatar
Power Builders
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

very much the truth for some (but never all) uncouth "traditional parents" who expect the bending over backwards to please and prove one's worthiness to their "high" standards. Most decent parents are welcoming, loving and thoughtful.

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bellebeasleymiles avatar
Belle Miles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well now that you've been called a "Racist" to you face there is no way to proceed. It's over.

rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His parents sound exhausting. My guess is that if they identify with their Italian ancestry so much then the real issue is that they think he should have an Italian girlfriend. I find the attitude odd in this day and age since white Americans rarely ever segregate like that anymore. I have English/Irish ancestry but I don't identify as either. I also know a first generation Italian American and she doesn't make a big deal about it. Anyway, his parents were looking for a reason to be upset and it is a major red flag that the boyfriend took their side. I would rethink that relationship.

ullahsandra avatar
marcoconti avatar
Mario Strada
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Italian here. Born and raised, not the "off-brand" white label type. When offered dinner at someone else's house, you always accept it gratefully and thank the host. I was served truly horrible "italian cuisine" dinners at friends homes because they thought I would appreciate the effort. I did and I thanked them, but some were truly inedible. Still, I did not complaint or accused them of "racism" and I ate what I was given, gratefully. I wasn't raised by wolves.

micazacpowell89 avatar
Missmic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm Welsh...if someone served me Welsh cakes I'd be grateful for their hospitality.

secondonlytome avatar
April Dancer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm English - fish and chips would be great thanks. I'll bring them in when I come. Any special requests? Battered sausage? Pickled onion?

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vpwitter avatar
Valerie Witter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA…When they said they were there for dinner, I would have told them “I’m so sorry but I was at work late and just got home and am not cooking tonight. Let’s order in. Anything you feel like having?” When they left I would have let husband know to have a conversation with his parents about just dropping by expecting a meal. If he’s too chicken to do it I’d think about ending the relationship - this sounds like they will insert themselves in other parts of his life.

johng_3 avatar
John G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Boyfriend...She should have asked him what they were bringing or what he was cooking.

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roborant avatar
Chantal Monette
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they probably aren't even like... 3rd gen italian let alone 1st. They're just as american as OP is. If they were really italian, they would have brought food for their baby boy

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ummmm, this is SOOO...not about pizza it makes my head swim. OP was on the bf's parents' sh*t list long before "pizza night in hell " & it's unlikely anything she does will mitigate this. BF's parents are classic emotional hostage- takers & it's BF's business to free himself. OP needs to accept she's powerless here & it's unlikely BF's parents will change how they do business. IMO OP ought re-evaluate this relationship & her future w/ BF.

johng_3 avatar
John G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was kind of guessing there is an exe the parents love and think he should be with her.

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erin_metallica avatar
Esgain Erin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My REALLY Italian - I mean with Italian citizenship - hubby is fed-up with all those so-called "Italians" who can't even introduce themselves in Italian brag about a culture they don't have, just because they can't admit they are just complete AH.

kicki avatar
Panda Kicki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm. I have had italian (like "lives in Italy) relatives popping by when they where on holiday. They had bags of food and sort of invaded the kitchen, serving us delicious food. No expectations of spontaneous cooking from our part.

memawjohnston2005 avatar
Deb Johnston
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Throw away the BF. It's only going to get worse. Too many red flags.

serenyaa avatar
serenyaa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an Italian I couldn't be happier if she ordered pizza. They clearly aren't true Italians, we don't invite ourselves last minute and we are really really appreciative of who hosts us. All my family was upset reading this because it draws such a bad image to us Italian. No Italian would ever think this is racist or inappropriate, we would actually never even think this is made on purpose, we would just be happy for the pizza

snsaquarius avatar
Stefi Stoyanova
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Of he was soo upset she did what anyone would do in her situation why didn't HE offer to cook for them? They are HIS PARENTS after all! OP ditch the trash. It will only get worse for you if you decide to stay!

candicegcook avatar
Candice Cook
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So...his parents don't like her. Got it. Why don't they just say that instead of all the mind games?🤷🏼 I'd say her boyfriend doesn't like her all that much either based on the way he handled the situation. You can't make up all these ridiculous and secret expectations and expect a person to deliver. I'm sure she told him she was ordering the pizza...I mean they are HIS parents sooo you think he'd know that they'd be offended by pizza AND TELL HER THAT! Which tells me they are all full of it. Racist?...puhlease. Wouldn't you have to actually be a different race to be racist? If I had to guess, I'd say they were also literally just as American as her since it didn't specify that they were actually from Italy themselves just that they have family of Italian origin. Why not just say, "We don't like you." and call it a day?

ldmonteith avatar
Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just throw him and his family away. Are you seriously living together but only dating for 7 months?

vanjavidovic avatar
Vanja Vidovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always wonder what real Italians (you know, those born and living in Italy) feel about Americans that fool themselves to be Italians.

tommythebiker avatar
Thomas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for asking. It's cringey and in some cases, like in this one, quite frustrating because of the "bad publicity" that inevitably stems from such a behavior.

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jeffreykeffer avatar
Jeffrey Keffer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You all Know Italian is not a race right ? On no goverment paper work any where does it say White, Black/African American, Asian, Hispanic , Italian ... The OP needs to drop that dude and his toxic family .... Date a nice boy of the Scottish race , you can wear his skir...errr ... Kilts 😆

ladycyg avatar
Christina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree on principal, but in sone ways Italian is more of a race than white. White encompasses everything from Nordic to Mediterranean, from Scottish to Russian. Whereas with "Italian" it's much more likely to be Mediterranean (barring immigrants into Italy from other regions). Either way, you are correct, that dude is toxic. As someone who is part Italian, Scottish, and mutt, I think anyone but him would be a good choice.

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kiloalphatango avatar
Miss Kat O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm English... is someone served me Yorkshire pudding if probably kiss them

babycatg2002 avatar
Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If people don't like you, every breath you take is wrong

praecordiaa avatar
Praecordia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What? This is just dumb. I would tell his parents they are being dumb because I genuinely think they need to know that so they don’t think it’s ok to behave like that.

rennigade120 avatar
Mary Catherine Ryan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait. They came over unannounced, at dinner time, and expected you to cook? Then got made at what you served them to eat, and then your boyfriend sided with them?! I say dump the whole darn family, and don't look back. If my parents ever stopped by unannounced when my ex and I were married to see their granddaughter, they'd apologize, ask us if we had, had dinner, lunch, etc...whatever mealtime they dropped in on, and then they'd offer to take us out to dinner, or to pay for take out, our choice. They wouldn't of been so entitled, and they would've told us that they knew that we weren't expecting two other mouths to feed, so they'll pay, but my parents were taught right, and so were my ex and I, and so was my daughter. If it bothered your boyfriend so much, then why didn't he cook for them instead of expecting you to after you've been working? Nope. That's a no go.

gwenfogle avatar
Gwen Fogle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unexpected guest at my house for dinner would get spaghetti. Fast, easily and filling. Would that be ' rasist'? Then there's the door, parents as well as boyfriend. Don't apologize.

renate_stargardt avatar
Awsomemom52
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did they expect when they invited themselfs for dinner "without warning", probably knowing, you've been working all day? It's a hot meal that's popular with almost everyone. They would probably have complained about sandwiches too, which under the circumstances, would have been an adequate alternative to any ordered food.

randolph_croft avatar
Randolph Croft
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This relationship is doomed. Let's hope she gets out before it gets worse.

dkjzone avatar
Kai
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not sure I would serve Panda Express to Chinese friends, but I agree the parents were rude to expect dinner on that short of notice.

existentialcrisisdog avatar
Existential Crisis Dog
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone whose parents were actually born in Italy, that's absolutely ridiculous. My parents would never be so insecure to act that way. Obviously they are the assholes, and pro-tip...don't date Italian boys that are close to their moms.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NAH. Dump him and run. Imagine if guys got married and had kids. Nope.

elida_lechuga avatar
Elida Lechuga
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Clearly not the a*****e but are you really living with this guy after only dating for 7 months?

maggieavilla avatar
Maggie Avilla
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't judge.. I moved a guy in after 7 months... I was spending a lot of time with him in person though, not just texts and calls, and saw him in all sorts of situations with many different people. It's always good to see how people treat others not just you, because eventually, when the new wears off, they'll end up treating you like they do their other peers and strangers. Also we started as friends and were just gonna be roomies, but I hadn't been with anyone in a while. I was just taking care of myself after my divorce.. ahem.. oops. 😶 At least he got in a few months as just friends. 😂

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ericyoder avatar
Eric Yoder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is your boyfriend republican? Seems like it. You aren't his or his parents slave. Tell them to accept it or else

craigreynolds avatar
Craig Reynolds
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is WHY while growing up, my Italian friends, (more like acquaintances) as none of them were close with anyone that also wasn't Italian, ended up only marrying Italian girls. They were all very inflexible in their beliefs as to what any GF or future wife's role in the relationship was going to be. Basically, they were all of the mindset that the man was king of the home and that he and yes, his parents as well, were to be catered to by her. Not a single one of them could keep a non-Italian GF for more than a month or so as no non-Italian girl was going to tolerate their domineering attitudes. Op's BF and parents are of the mindset that Op is a second-class person that needs to KTA. She needs to just dump that loser and find someone that respects her as a person and treats her as an equal, not a servant.

ullahsandra avatar
Queenbee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All Italians are not this way. BOTH racism and bullying are very individual hang ups.

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juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Italian isn't a race, it's a nationality. Also, dump him. NTA.

lisahewes avatar
Lisa H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gaslighting and narcissism seems to run in the bf's family. It will never, ever in a million years, get better. It will ONLY get worse. These people will NOT change. This girl needs to run far, far away.

jennifercbowen avatar
Suzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you show up unexpectedly later in the evening and demanding dinner, you get what you get. They're lucky they didn't get PB&J.

captainsynaptic avatar
Captain Synaptic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The father’s attempt at a “How wound you like it if…” actually works against him. I would most definitely serve visiting Japanese parents foods they are familiar with. And I would certainly respond with an enthusiastic “Yes!” If asked if I would like it if they served me McDonalds if I came over.

connierichardson avatar
Connie Richardson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After reading comments a couple of times, it dawned on me that you were set up by all three, that is if you rarely cook. Both parents probably figured that a surprise visit might get you to cook often for their son. I dont feel that an apology is necessary for folks that come into my territory after I have worked and start to relax for the evening. If you talk about your intentions again say that ordering pizza for unexpected guests is the norm for most people you know. Ask if they would have preferred Chinese take out. If they do then next time order Chinese take out. Also you should know more about the parents of any boy friend. That way you can order something acceptable or just ask their takeout preferences.

ed209sect31 avatar
Don't tread on me
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol ofc not. They came as guests you served food. Am I missing something? They're lucky they got food at all.

leihgh_cheri avatar
Francesca Pesca
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm Italian, as born and living in actual Italy. My first reaction was that they are just jerks. But for in my husband's family food is EVERYTHING. My husband just doesn't get that sometimes you can offer takeaway to your guests, or at least just a pasta. Every time we have guests he cooks for a banquet.. but that's the point, HE cooks it! So if they were offended because OP didn't cook a home made dinner, even if I don't agree at all with it, I get where it comes from.. and unfortunately it's still quite common in Italian "culture" to think that women should be the ones cooking. Some people consider me lazy and uncaring because my husband does all the the cooking and food shopping. But now comes the part about racism.. and I just don't get it, it doesn't make any sense.. the only thing that comes to my mind is that usually we are very proud of our typical food and act like everything else is not at the same level (I don't agree).. maybe they don't want to be associated with that?

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THEY INVITED THEMSELVES TO DINNER MINUTES BEFORE THEIR UNGRATEFUL ASSES SHOWED UP. Italians know about courtesy and don't invite themselves to dinner with no warning. Stop defending shitty manners.

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Allison Seamark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Put the brakes on this relationship now. His parents are controlling, demanding and obviously don't like you. The fact that your BF sided with them is reason enough to call this whole thing off. It's only gonna get worse.

tammipalmer avatar
Tammi Palmer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are dating and it will get bad if you marry, he/they always asholes, trying my best not to just say runnnnnnnnnnn, I don’t care if he apologizes later. But if nothing else don’t marry him, please. Signed Been There Dine That

ikaru avatar
IKaRu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm Brazilian and if someone invite me to dinner and offer me "Feijoada"(which is a typical Brazilian dish) or something like that I would be soooo happy like they took time to do or buy something I would like to eat. But these guys with "italian origins" are pissed off for having the most normal dinner-with-people dish ever fr. Italian origins = their gradma were half italian lol

rjf avatar
RJF
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The op needs to run. These people will make her life a nightmare. Can you imagine trying to deal with them as Grandparents!!! But I feel their intentions are to cause her to run. They gave zero respect for her.

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have told that pissy a*s boyfriend that he could cook for his goddamn parents since they invited themselves.. So, let's go over the etiquette here. 1st breach of etiquette was when pissy a*s boyfriends shitty a*s parents invited themselves for dinner. 2nd breach of etiquette was when pissy a*s boyfriend friend refused to help you and give you any ideas on what to serve these f*****s who invited themselves to dinner. And finally, being of Italian origin an Italian origin does not make them special. Italian is a nationality, not a race. And Italian is no more important than puerto rican or Portuguese or Mexican or French.. These f*****s invited themselves to dinner. I would have told them, "you invited yourself and I didn't have time to cook, eat what I f*****g offer or get the f**k out of my house". If your boyfriend is as you say, blowing up at you, then then you need to cut this off and run from this pissy a*s little boy as fast as you can.

thriftyadams17 avatar
Lawrence mcalistar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Americans eat pizza s lot the ironic thing is yes Americans do eat McDonald's but hamburgers aren't American food really it's German ( named after the country) so should we be offended no, Americans eat a lot of culture different foods / they should have at least been grateful that you provided food first them last minute / so .. Are they saying now there in America they no longer eat Italian food ?

geth1138 avatar
Impetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex boyfriend's parents liked to show up unannounced. His mom hated me. Looking back I'm pretty sure it was so she could get me off balance. Some people are like that. If the treasured son isn't going to be your ally in that situation you're in real relationship trouble. I don't like to look at one incident and say break up with a person, but it's definitely time for OP to start counting the red flags to make sure she isn't drowning in them.

jefflum avatar
ullahsandra avatar
Queenbee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But ethnocentrism is a thing. Some people are so nationalistic or ethnicentristic that they do not want anyone not of their culture in their clan. Many French feel thst way about Germans or English about Polish or French.

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michaelpattow avatar
Michael Pattow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not racist if all the people are white. Italian isn't a race. Tell everyone to get bent.

lilrebbitzen avatar
FrillyDragon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can be racist against white folks, but yeah this isn't racism, it's like...xenophobia maybe? Idk what this would be called. The bf's parents wanted an excuse to be pissy. Why can't we all just get along...

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robyn63ward avatar
Robyn Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds more to me that they, being Italian, want a nice Italian girl to marry their Italian son.

sammiandvenus avatar
Jessie Hardy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was a very artful set up on the family's part. Well played! They probably don't like the girlfriend, because she is NOT of Italian origin. It may have even have been pre planned because what else do you serve when someone drops in unexpectedly for dinner... pizza. If she had actually cooked something then they probably had a game plan too.

j_di_evans avatar
Jag Yu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

got me to thinking... would they die if they eat the take out pizza?

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am black, so I guess I should be offended if serves me fried chicken or greens. These parents are ridiculous and so is the boyfriend.

madkingsmoke avatar
MadKingSmoke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA look here's what you do. The next time you speak to them come right out and tell them. If we invite you over or you tell us you plan to come by I have no problem cooking a meal but if you show up out of the blue looking to be fed you'll get whatever I feel like serving if I feel like serving anything I'm not a servant obligated to wait on you at the drop of a hat. Tell your boyfriend if he doesn't like it he can wait on them your not his servant either. Why didn't they make the friends they were visiting feed them. What kind of person shows up to someone's house invited and without notice expecting to be fed ( other than a mooch) and has the nerve to complain about what you serve? And what kind of man not only allows his ppl (regardless of weather they friends or family) to treat his woman this way but joins in? All 3 of them sound like a bunch of entitled Karen's.... Better yet just run... As fast as you can.

naomiemoore avatar
Naomie Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reading through the comments, looks like many feel the same way. It was his parents stopping by, why didn't he make arrangements for dinner - knowing full well his girlfriend was working and wouldn't have time to fix a home cooked meal. LAST MINUTE. Personally, I would rethink the relationship right there. It can only go downhill from there. If I stop in on short notice or unexpectedly, I always bring something with me. And say hey, I stopped in on short notice, let's get take out and I will pick up the tab and give you the night off! Let's just enjoy each other's company.

joshuashamblin avatar
Joshua Shamblin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were in this situation. I would've kicked them out and told them to never return, you don't show up to someones home act like that and expect to not be wearing that pizza.

willemsen avatar
Meami
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That girl needs to put her sneakers on a RUN! So many red flags here.

ely_zampa avatar
Elisa Zampieri
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still confused on why did she have to take care of dinner... If my boyfriend's parents are improvising a visit and I'm at work the whole day my boyfriend will sort dinner out, at the end of the day it's his parents, not mines

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get totally rid of the BF, too. Not even married and he's insulting you. Not to mention that bad in-laws can ruin the best of marriages. (Luckily we didn't live in the same city as my in-laws :-) until after our kids have left home.

jenparedes avatar
Jennifer McCrary
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They invite themselves for dinner, come empty handed then are 'offended' over pizza.....? DUMP this family....it will only get worse.

giovanninagarcia avatar
Jo Garcia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump this guy. He could've gone to Uncle Giuseppe's or ordered from somewhere, even not Italian if he can't cook. Why was the responsibility dumped on you when you worked late. Did you tell his parents that you had no time to cook anything?

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"If you have Asian people over do you serve them sushi?" If sushi is almost universally liked by everyone, is the fastest, cheapest option to serve unexpected guests, and there are literally 10 different sushi places within a five minute drive of me? You bet your a**e I'm serving sushi to my Asian guests, as well as ANY OTHER guests I might have, no matter their ethnicity (also sushi is specifically Japanese food; that'd be like calling spaghetti "European food" instead of Italian food. *Now* who's being "racist," hmm?). I also wouldn't throw a hissy fit if my BF's Italian parents DID serve me McDonald's every time I came over, let alone ONE time when I specifically showed up at their place unannounced. I'd just say "Thank you"... y'know, like a normal person. My guess is it's not OP's choice of cuisine this jerk's parents didn't like, it was OP.

efxnoise avatar
efxnoise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. The simple fact that you provided food to someone ALWAYS warrants a gracious and thankful response. Regardless if you put out canned cheese and those flavorless "water crackers" that nobody likes or some Michelin level tasting menu, you provided food from your heart* and if it's not appreciated, then delete those people, they have no manners. Tony Bourdain was a big proponent of this and he didn't just tell others he lived it...see Namibia/Warthog episode. * Doesn't matter if you cooked yourself or ordered from a local place, it was coming from your heart.

marypigott_1 avatar
Mary Pigott
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leave. You just reminded me why I never dated Italian men despite there being 1000s in my area..

elizabethcustodio avatar
Elizabeth Custodio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I think that the fact her boyfriend basically threw his parents and dinner all on her shoulders last minute didn't warn her or try to accommodate her and them in anyway so the dinner would go smoothly and still had the nerve to get upset at her for doing the best she could is either a set up in the sense he is trying to make a fight or find any pathetic reason to break up with her or if that isn't the case and he is really that much of a inconsiderate scum bag she needs to open her eyes and realize that he and his parents are of a machista mindset meaning women are more like trophies or something pretty to look at that is property belongs barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen to serve him and his family and anything that is wrong or goes wrong will always be her fault he nor his family can do no wrong! She needs to wake up and get out now cause the way he is acting that isn't gonna change with time it will be with more expectations.

johnathanmcfadden avatar
Johnathan McFadden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My guess as some said and from my experience growing up it's probably the BF thinks as well as his dad that only the woman does the cooking, cleaning etc and my guess is he was complaining to mommy and daddy that the GF doesn't always cook for him and thats why they showed up like that to basically find something to nit pick and make a scene.

jamesbailey_2 avatar
James Bailey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a relationship test that you were set up to fail. The worst possible thing you could do is apologize. They are trying to place you in a submissive position. Your boyfriend's complicity is shocking. Tell your boyfriend that next time his parents invite themselves over in the middle of a work week, they should be taking you out to dinner. I think you should demand an apology from him for his complicity in this controlling behavior. Make it an ultimatum. If he looks at your relationship as a campaign of domination, tell him he should at least sack up and not have mommy and daddy fight his battles. Communicate your contempt for this puerile stunt. Be confrontational, be angry. It's the only thing these bullies respect.

eristyler avatar
Eris Tyler
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her boyfriend and his family are insane. Who invites themselves over at the last minute to someone's house for dinner, and then throws a hissy fit over what they're served and storms out. And the icing on the cake is being called a racist on top of it. OP should run away and never look back!

tammipalmer avatar
Tammi Palmer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please do not marry him, my nice way of saying run. Signed Been There , Done That

bjaffe98 avatar
Rexblade
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well there are two fantastically american things in this post, the parents and pizza. Modern pizza is super Americanized, like salmon in sushi, technically Japanese food, but came from outside influences. You might as well call pizza American manakish. This is dumb people looking for a reason to play victim because they don't like her.

vincenzocaggiula avatar
Vincenzo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an Italian if an American served me pizza I'd call them brave not rude...

staphgirl79 avatar
Mistiekim
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not about the pizza. It was a test to see if she was a nice subservient girl for their son who would cook a meal when told to (no matter the time of day).

littlestarsdraws avatar
teela01 avatar
Random321
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Would you like it if we only served you McDonalds when you visit?” Umm… yeah? I’m not going to complain about free food

carofer_gonza avatar
Philenzortia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA but a simple question would have helped the entire situation. “We haven’t cooked anything, I’ll have to order some food, what would you like to eat?” his parents are very rude people.

the_goddess_is_in avatar
Karina Carr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are we all just going to ignore the fact that they've only been dating for 7 months in our apparently already living together? There are so many problems with this post.

lbcwell1118 avatar
Lindsey or Something
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the issue is that they were offended by what they were served more than anything else. In terms of hospitality, if someone shows up on my doorstep because they got stranded somewhere and need help for example, I'm gonna offer a meal. If they're family/friends I expect a notice, but I'll feed them when they show up regardless. HOWEVER, that doesn't entitle them to complain about what I offer them. Beggars can't be choosers, but if you have guests, you ought to provide for them in some fashion as a host/hostess. She did nothing wrong, I applaud her for being a gracious hostess when put on the spot; her "in-laws" for lack of a better term are awful guests.

rachaeltemple avatar
Rachael Temple
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pizza is pretty simple and pretty American lol. Their reaction is insulting and racist. McDonald's is not that American of an example some of us only got that with grandparents. Mash potatoes and corn and deer would be a better example lol.

juliasorensen95 avatar
Julia S.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fun Fact: The pizza found in America is not the same pizza found in Italy. Traditional Italian pizza (I believe it's called something else) doesn't have cheese. It's just the dough & sauce and maybe some basil to garnish. Everyone from the original reddit post & this comment section is correct. NTA. Poor girl, I hope she stands up for herself with her boyfriend or leaves him before it's to late.

suluchewy avatar
Sulu Chewy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreeing with comments you invited yourself that means either you are bringing food or be prepared to eat whatever is there ... leftovers ... at least they got pizza. Someone seems to be trying to create drama because I am sure they know that they are both working people.

beegtymerawkstah avatar
BeegtymeRawkstah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody is more racist than Italians. They hate you because you aren't Italian and when they say they "take great pride" in being Italian they mean they would be horrified to have halfbreed grandchildren.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IF they invited themselves, then they were lucky to get that. Actually I had MORE problems with my MIL, because -- Invite her to dinner, all cooked, good food, and she turns up with a pot of her own terrible cooking. Over-cooked, drowned in rancid green olive oil and sugared :-(

bradyfaist avatar
Vincent Hannah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

McDonald's? No. If you're looking for food to serve to an American "because that's what we eat" serve pizza.

fairsparrow avatar
Fair Sparrow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I totally get the way they're thinking, I'm an immigrant myself and I had multiple people coming up to me screaming "vodka" instead of "good morning". That sucks. However, context matters. They're overthinking it, and OP did nothing wrong.

diamondmair128 avatar
Mary Leverett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ummmmm, just to be clear - pizza is an AMERICAN invention, originally called "tomato pie" - it became a go-to profession of Italians "just off the boat", to establish themselves in the U.S. THEY changed the name to "pizza".

valica810 avatar
Valerie Mace
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dating 7 mnths & already living together? That's where I 1st got confused

clarastallworth_1 avatar
Clara Stallworth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! OP got the news of boyfriend's parents stopping by at the last minute AFTER she got off work! She did what most of us normal folks do, which is to order takeout, which happened to be pizza (most likely, a plain cheese pizza). Most folks would've been grateful that at least they've gotten something to eat, but, oh no, not boyfriend's proud Italian parents! They got offended REAL quick, and called her a racist for serving them pizza! One, she just got off work, and, two, THEY were the ones to stop by her place last minute! In some cultures, it's rude to turn down the food served by your host! The fact that they went on this racist tirade about food, and boyfriend's defense of his parents' meltdown? She needs to break up with him PRONTO!!

tommythebiker avatar
Thomas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am Italian. Like, actually born and currently living in Italy. There's absolutely nothing disrespectful about delivered pizza, in fact it's the perfect food for when you don't have time to cook or you're not in the mood. Unless it's really, REALLY badly made...

jenparedes avatar
Jennifer McCrary
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

synthwolfe avatar
Nathan Wolfe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Southwestern family, and we have specific rules. 1, always feed the hungry. You show up and you haven't eaten? You'll leave like its Thanksgiving, regardless of time of year. 2, never go anywhere without a gift (food and drink are common, but it can be whatever). And 3, if we go anywhere else for dinner, be it expected or not, eat something small beforehand so the hosts can have their fill. Eat enough to be polite, but don't gorge yourself, unless they're family. Then dig in.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THEY ARE THE A$$HOLES, NOT YOU. Get out of that relationship and find a partner who respects you.

shieldmaiden avatar
Shield Maiden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1 italians are the most racist race on earth. 2 americans eat more pizza then mcdonalds.....

technusgirl avatar
Rachel Gerstner
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can't just expect people to whip up a meal for a family in such little notice, I mean they sound very toxic and entitled. I mean she could have checked with them to make sure they were fine with that first because you don't really know if someone has dietary restriction, are vegan or just don't like pizza. But I would never in my life just tell someone I was stopping by that same day and expecting them to serve me dinner. They were just looking for trouble if you ask me

paulamiglino avatar
Paula Miglino
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sure the parents knew she worked and to invite themselves for dinner unexpectedly they should have offered to pick dinner on the way there?! I would have at least responded to the unplanned visit asking them what are they in the mood for take out. Their son should have known better to recommend something if they were to be offended for the quickest but satisfying take out!

halesm avatar
Hales M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a PoC, half of my heritage is from barbados. On a first date a guy took me for Caribbean food (knowing my background)... it was the blandest, most white Jerk I had ever had. I still wasn't offended that he had taken me there, I did however teach him how to judge authenticity-- if all the customers inside are white, especially in a multicultural area... chances are it's not going to be terribly flavourful.

madelinekopanda avatar
Lemon Beans
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an American, I'd be delighted if I showed up to someone's house unannounced and they provided me with free McDonald's. Dad's argument is invalid.

karen_mattock avatar
delightfuldragon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her TA? No. The parents of the bf AH? Absolutely! #1 They visit on the spur of the moment. #2. They expect dinner on short notice. #3. It's supposed to be homemade? They're lucky they didn't get soup out of a can! #4. Why is the expectation that SHE will make dinner? It's her BF's parents. #5. Why be insulted? Ordering pizza in America makes it American pizza. It's not exactly the same thing as a real Italian pizza. I could go on...

kdubler54 avatar
IceCreamLover
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The boyfriends parents should not have just dropped by without prior notice. They should of been thankful the gf bought pizza

efxnoise avatar
efxnoise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I agree with the others, you may need to reevaluate joining this family. The dad actually said you providing pizza was racist? Politely show them the door! The appropriate response no matter what type of food you served is "Thankyou"

michelemonfrecola avatar
Michele Monfrecola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a real Italian, who actually lives, eat and speaks Italian, I can say that they are the assholes, not only they didn't respect your work life, but they also throw the story of racism into play when they are actually 100% American, you know, there's no "american race" besides natives, please tell 'em for me that they are "coglioni decerebrati senza dignità", if they can't understand then they're not Italian anymore🤷🏻‍♂️ they should be glad to what they get

spamreceptacle726 avatar
steampunk dandelion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wait a minute, I can see this exactly as it is.... white people who so desperately want to be part of a minority because they feel excluded from feeling "special" and "different" so they cling to the identities of their parents, grandparents, or even great grandparents. they'll hold onto this so tight that they'll never see they're in the wrong for getting all pissy over a pizza. A PIZZA.

spamreceptacle726 avatar
steampunk dandelion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

like I could understand if this was a person who'd migrated from italy and has had many people joke about how they were so lucky for being able to eat pizza every single day. I could understand this person snapping after being served pizza, but I can't understand this hypothetical person continuing to be angry even after learning that it was unintentional.

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gustavedelior avatar
Gustave DeLior
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys a real a*s it sounds like, find yourself some down to earth people.

arch-201 avatar
ARCH-201
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is specifically targeted towards 1 of the shown comments. Why is it incorrect for Americans to point out that their families originate from a different country so genetically they're not ONLY American, they're also whatever place their body is genetically made up of. Jeez

shawnnaclement avatar
Shawnna Clement
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm making assumptions. First, this occured in the US. The ignorance that Italian is a race and the insistence on being Italian, even if the past 5+ generations were born in America, and have never been to Italy, is an American thing. Every immigrant friend I know across the globe identifies as, for example, "Australian, but originally from India..." Could the parents "pride" stem from not having a true race? Second, I assume the parents brought nothing and arrived at a standard American dinner time (6 PM) expecting to be fed immediately. A true Italian would never expect dinner until 8 PM or to even visit unannounced without a bottle of wine or dessert. Maybe the parents expected OP to understand cultural difference... BF is an AH

ullahsandra avatar
Queenbee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually, "place" is separate from genetics. Many immigrant families pride themselves on sticking to their ethnicity in marriage. It is point of pride and culture. It depends on the individual. I know several immigrants of Indian and Asian origin as well as a family of Greeks and Italians that ONLY marry those from the same country even though they live in America. I know Africans who not only select wives from their own country but will go back to get a wife from their own tribe and would not think of marrying from another group. This integrating thing is very complex and some dive right in embracing everything while there are entire groups of any ethnicity you can think of who will always have people trying to preserve bloodlines and culture by marrying others from the same culture. This is true anywhere in the world you go except among most English and Blacks of the diaspora. They do not believe in such precepts because many already have a mixed or blended ethnicity .

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joshgilland avatar
Josh Gilland
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So proud they don't even know pizza isnt even Italian. It's Greek. They just wanted to be pissed. And yes maybe I'm the weird one here but yes people should let you know if they're swinging by and they shouldn't expect anything. My parents call days in a head, so do my friends. I'm also introverted and make it clear i enjoy and need time away from people so maybe they've adapted to me.

carollarubia avatar
Carol La Rubia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This may be polarizubg but - yes boyfriend is an AH for not contributing to feeding his parents, but depending on where his parents are from, pizza is NOT the best thing to order for someone of Italian heritage. 99% of chain pizzas are like kryptonite, destroying our will to eat. If you have olive oil, garlic and pasta, you have a meal. The only "cooking" is boiling the pasta. Tbh, I would pass on chain pizza, and most local pizzerias. I moved from NY. Took me 5 years and lots of disappointment to find good pizza in the Cincinnati OH area.

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're completely missing the point here. These people showed up UNannounced at OP's, and when she was kind enough to feed them they acted like rude, entitled children to her face. I don't care if it was the worst meal they'd ever eaten, you STILL don't act like ungrateful brats to someone who welcomes you in and gives you free food. If they truly had a problem they could have stomached bad pizza the ONE time--y'know, like *adults*--and then just brought some food with them the next time, or suggested a place to eat out. Or why didn't BF's "authentic Italian" mother just go in the kitchen and make some of that garlic and olive oil pasta; surely OP would have simple ingredients like that on-hand. There were a dozen other tactful ways they could have handled this, and yet they settle on "let's accuse our son's GF of racism then rudely storm out like Karens whose cashier told them their coupon is expired." Bad pizza or no, that's no excuse for this kind of shitty behavior.

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travisfuller avatar
Travis F
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes. She needs to get away as fast as she can. They acted like that...and he defended them. Hate to tell ya, but this is a glimpse into your future. Better run while you can.

leasaymmoore avatar
Dip thong
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not that but I'd like to share. When my husband and I went to his parent's place for a meal my MIL would lay out a spread. When they came our way so did I until this one particular Saturday when I woke up exhausted after a grueling work week. So when they got there I picked Burger King. They never let me forget it. They didn't come all that way ( 3 hours) for Burger King. I had no energy in my tank. Just to clarify my MIL was Marie from Everybody loves Raymond. I know I should have done better. BUT I was exhausted. It was an awful day. My only saving grace is nothing I cook would have met her approval anyway. So there is that.

leasaymmoore avatar
Dip thong
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stand in amazement at just how little it takes for someone to be offended and hit the racist button. Dog-gone people these days.

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Jason Burton
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Ashley Kay
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This entire situation is a major red flag. First of all, it's rude to go someone's home without having a conversation first. It's even worst when you decide that they should feed you. When you go to another person's home unannounced, you don't get to whine about food. This is just complaining to complain. Secondly, why was is it automatically her job to feed HIS parents? They're his parents, if they were coming over he should have got up off his butt and fixed something to eat. But instead, he pinned that responsibility onto her. Third, what boyfriend does that? I mean this guy just took his parents side no questions asked. Blamed her for everything like she was the bad guy. A normal boyfriend would have defended her, even try to defuse the situation and explain. Then apologize for his parents behavior. The only thing left that I can say is; run. Run away as fast as you can because things are only going to get worse.

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george young
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How different with this conversation be if the parents are Mexican and you serve them tacos or they were black and you serve them fried chicken this conversation wouldn't take place she'd be a racist

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Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt the OP will ever see this here, but die on this hill, Sister.

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Alison Kennedy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hope the OP shows this to her (hopefully soon to be) ex boyfriend.

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enohPilivE
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they are really Italian, let them get into a big fuss of an incoherent argument and let it naturally run its course. When it's all over, if your boyfriend has done his job, Mom will give you a great big hug and say "Don't worry, we just forgot the wine" or something to that effect...

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J. Maxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We're mutts, but when we (never happens) show-up unintentionally (again never happens) we always bring food. When we visit someone we always at least bring something to drink and a snack, at least a snack. My gawd we're not animals.

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David Kramer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not trying to disbelieve the OP here, I'm talking more about the stories I hear on this site writ large... The kind of crazy behavior I hear on here makes me wonder if the OP's are gaslighting us to an extent, leaving out important details, taking creative liberties with the "villains", etc, so that they can look better and get affirmation that they're not bad people. If the story was as accurate as the OP said, then she's right... But this story put up a red flag, because I've known too many actual gaslighting racists that "edit" their stories when trying to prove to other people they're not racist. Who knows what else has been said and done to the parents? Again, not outright calling bs on the OP, just thinking that humans tend to cast themselves in the best light when seeking absolution, and that maybe the practice of judging ppl of assholery based on a ONE-SIDED retelling of events by the supposed victim is a bad idea. I think I'm just gonna stop engaging in these AITA's

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T.Milly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so ridiculous, I don't believe it's even true.

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Lee Sanyos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These comments are amazing for all the c**p read into it. Not sure what late is or what working has to do with it. Was there food in the house, what did they intend to eat before the parents just showed up and people assuming of Italian origins means they were Americans? They could have lived in CN, MX or anywhere else. Maybe they came over later because they said on prior occasions they weren't home until late. With one side of the story, it is hard to tell the truth. Many Europeans eat "late" then again so do Americans. Restuarants are busy with people showing up to eat at 7, 8 and 9 o'clock so some of this sounds like an excuse not to be a good hostess. There is always food in our house so if someone "showed up", they would not go hungry.

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Tiye Momah
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn't you just explain it's a cultural difference? The fact that you came here to find support for your actions lends to entitlement annnnnd the behaviors that support racism. Not saying you are a racist, in America, pizza is our last minute go to option, but when you choose to date someone of a different culture, that means you choose ALL of them, and this simply sounds like a misunderstanding of cultures ( because we don't know how Italian they are); but you seeking support of your views and behaviors....well, your boyfriend's right and I hope he finds someone more supportive.

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Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago

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NTA for ordering takeout to deal with unexpected guests who arrived expecting dinner. However, possibly the a*****e for assuming they would be okay with pizza - I say possibly because it was assumed they'd like pizza because "who doesn't" but it isn't clear whether OP ignored any questions of allergy to gluten, dairy or other ingredients; I appreciate that OP might've known this about them from the previous visits to their house. And the fact they kicked off when they say the pizza makes it obvious that not only did OP assume they'd like pizza, but didn't consider asking them if they had any preference. I don't understand why OP didn't consider when dinner was mentioned saying something like 'We hadn't had time to even start our meal' or 'We don't have enough food' in for 4 then asking if they had a takeaway preference. Having said that, the boyfriend's parents and the boyfriend are most definitely a*****es for the way they responded, boyfriend doubly so for not sorting dinner himself.

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Zoe Duddle
Community Member
1 year ago

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Putting aside the obvious fact that they are rude and the boyfriend should have cooked… does no-one else find it weird that she apparently ordered pizzas, presumably in another room, without speaking to anyone about it at all? Not to ask what anyone wanted, or side dish preferences or what time it should arrive or conferred with boyfriend or anything? I just find it really strange that she wouldn’t ask him what they liked.

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Eric Yoder
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok a*s. She ordered food and probably paid for it but how dare she not ask her slave owners. Maybe next time the bf can get off his lazy republican a*s and cook or the parents who likes to pry into others lives can bring their own food

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Stefano Cacciatore
Community Member
1 year ago

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As Italian, and if I had son, I never trust the cuisine of him and his American girlfriend. Hell no. I would eat at home before to visit them. BTW American pizza is really terrible. It could upset everybody

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Lace Neil
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they were really Italian, they would have shown up with a giant pot of food and insisted that it was eaten.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just what I was thinking. My mom's family isn't Italian, but the food culture is similar. Eat! Eat! Feed people! Nobody goes home hungry, nobody shows up without food, it's just not done.

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MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Firstly, 'Italian origin' means they are basically Americans with Italian ancestors, stop with this "I am xyz" nonsense when you are an American citizen. Secondly, you don't show up on short notice for dinner. Thirdly, why was SHE expected to prepare food when HIS parents showed up unexpectedly.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's recap: "Hi, we came over with no notice! Feed us" was met with pizza. And if it was Chinese or Thai or Indian or German they'd be fine? No. The real objection they have is to the OP, and it's obvious they raised their son to be a twit, so... Dump the boyfriend, let him find someone his parents think is a "nice Italian girl". I've seen this game played with people of dang near every ancestry, be they in the UK or US or Canada or wherever. "Oh but we're (fill in blank) so you should be with someone who meets our (very narrow demanding) expectations" is just a parental way of saying "we'll control you till we die". IMHO.

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Jordi Sharpe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pizza is incapable of being racist. If you don't like pizza, you're wrong.

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xolitaire
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, sounds like your boyfriend's parents had already decided not to like you and were looking for an excuse to start drama. Major red flag.

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N Gregory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My uncle (by marriage) was Italian. To the point where he was in his 30s before he learned English. He would have been grateful for the food. And grateful to you for providing it. If he had complaints it would be there wasn't enough of it! And even then he'd never say it (prior to his stroke at least, sadly after it he grew paranoid that there would never be enough). He was fussy about "Italian" food when going to a restaurant, but if it was impromptu, or homemade, he'd gush over the fact you thought to feed him at all. His son (previous marriage) came over for his funeral and couldn't thank the caterers enough (in broken English) for pizza and sandwiches at the wake. These people are ungrateful and insulting. It was never about the pizza.

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April Dancer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You summed it up perfectly, particularly with your last line. They dropped in when they did, specifically to put the OP on the back foot and then jumped on her 'mistake' (not that it was a mistake) if it hadn't been the pizza, it would have been something else. Chuck the boyfriend. Unfortunately the parents are never going to think she is good enough for their little boy and he is always going to side with them. She's at least saved herself years of misery. Imagine marrying into that? I've got goosebumps even thinking about it.

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Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are coming unexpectedly, you shouldn't expect that people will bend over backwards trying to accommodate to your intricate gastronomical preferences. They aren't obligated to serve you even sandwiches. If anything, it's you who should bring something, like a cake or a bottle of wine.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it’s time to break up ma’am. He didn’t bother defending you over something any American does when they want a quick meal. Red flags everywhere

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Rosy Maple Moth
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn‘t the boyfriend cook for his parents instead of leaving it to his girlfriend? After all they invited themselves (which is rather rude).

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Theresa Carroll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right and she said she was working too . So she did what any sane person would do order a pizza.. it's quick and effortless,also 😋🤤 his parents are entitled and actually the racist ones.. if their minds automatically go to race they are the racists.. js

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Alexis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am Asian. Please order sushi. I would not be offended, and honestly, I would eat any free food. Also, who shows up to other people's homes and expects to be fed without notice...

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Jen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously, unless you have a standing agreement dont do it. We could drop by my grandparents when ever and my sister can stop at my parents as we might be closer to them from where we worked in our 20s and my sister now sometimes does projects near my parents that run too late to get home. But it was offered first by the hosts as an open invite and we always made ourselves helpful in the process.

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Dre Mosley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rethink being in that relationship and a part of that family.

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mm65851
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stopping by late for dinner with no notice. They should have BROUGHT dinner, in that case. Methinks they want a 'nice Italian girl' for their son. And he doesn't have your back. Get out now.

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John G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thinking they already know a "nice Italian girl" for the son. Probably one of his exes.

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Keith O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

7 Months and gone girl. Bye to the whole man and his insufferable family. Pizza can be racist now......who knew......?

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Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I nearly missed the 7 months part! OP really needs to run for the hills.

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onitsuka
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I showed up and was served sushi or anything they consider Asian, that'd be cool. Because I'm not looking for s**t to be offended by.

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Vera1
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

White people who complain about you being racist to them (especially in a situation like this) are a massive red flag in and off itself. In my experience, those people are massive racists. It's the whole blue lives matter b******t all over again.

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Mary Ryan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"White people" are not the only ones who can be the r word. My daughter was visiting Connecticut one time. Went to the movies, was coming out of the restroom and nearly ran into this woman and her daughter. She said, "Excuse me", only good manners, right? The woman replied, " I'm not white." Make of it what you will...

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The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The expectation was for you to scramble to provide a homemade meal that would “prove your worthiness” for their precious son. As a bonus, it would indicate that you have no boundaries and we’re eager to please. Both the parents and bf were displeased by you not meeting this expectation. Either your bf gets inside and shuts his parents down hard or you should end this relationship.

powerbuilders avatar
Power Builders
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

very much the truth for some (but never all) uncouth "traditional parents" who expect the bending over backwards to please and prove one's worthiness to their "high" standards. Most decent parents are welcoming, loving and thoughtful.

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Belle Miles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well now that you've been called a "Racist" to you face there is no way to proceed. It's over.

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Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His parents sound exhausting. My guess is that if they identify with their Italian ancestry so much then the real issue is that they think he should have an Italian girlfriend. I find the attitude odd in this day and age since white Americans rarely ever segregate like that anymore. I have English/Irish ancestry but I don't identify as either. I also know a first generation Italian American and she doesn't make a big deal about it. Anyway, his parents were looking for a reason to be upset and it is a major red flag that the boyfriend took their side. I would rethink that relationship.

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Mario Strada
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Italian here. Born and raised, not the "off-brand" white label type. When offered dinner at someone else's house, you always accept it gratefully and thank the host. I was served truly horrible "italian cuisine" dinners at friends homes because they thought I would appreciate the effort. I did and I thanked them, but some were truly inedible. Still, I did not complaint or accused them of "racism" and I ate what I was given, gratefully. I wasn't raised by wolves.

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Missmic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm Welsh...if someone served me Welsh cakes I'd be grateful for their hospitality.

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April Dancer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm English - fish and chips would be great thanks. I'll bring them in when I come. Any special requests? Battered sausage? Pickled onion?

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Valerie Witter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA…When they said they were there for dinner, I would have told them “I’m so sorry but I was at work late and just got home and am not cooking tonight. Let’s order in. Anything you feel like having?” When they left I would have let husband know to have a conversation with his parents about just dropping by expecting a meal. If he’s too chicken to do it I’d think about ending the relationship - this sounds like they will insert themselves in other parts of his life.

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John G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Boyfriend...She should have asked him what they were bringing or what he was cooking.

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Chantal Monette
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they probably aren't even like... 3rd gen italian let alone 1st. They're just as american as OP is. If they were really italian, they would have brought food for their baby boy

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Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ummmm, this is SOOO...not about pizza it makes my head swim. OP was on the bf's parents' sh*t list long before "pizza night in hell " & it's unlikely anything she does will mitigate this. BF's parents are classic emotional hostage- takers & it's BF's business to free himself. OP needs to accept she's powerless here & it's unlikely BF's parents will change how they do business. IMO OP ought re-evaluate this relationship & her future w/ BF.

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John G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was kind of guessing there is an exe the parents love and think he should be with her.

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Esgain Erin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My REALLY Italian - I mean with Italian citizenship - hubby is fed-up with all those so-called "Italians" who can't even introduce themselves in Italian brag about a culture they don't have, just because they can't admit they are just complete AH.

kicki avatar
Panda Kicki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm. I have had italian (like "lives in Italy) relatives popping by when they where on holiday. They had bags of food and sort of invaded the kitchen, serving us delicious food. No expectations of spontaneous cooking from our part.

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Deb Johnston
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Throw away the BF. It's only going to get worse. Too many red flags.

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serenyaa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an Italian I couldn't be happier if she ordered pizza. They clearly aren't true Italians, we don't invite ourselves last minute and we are really really appreciative of who hosts us. All my family was upset reading this because it draws such a bad image to us Italian. No Italian would ever think this is racist or inappropriate, we would actually never even think this is made on purpose, we would just be happy for the pizza

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Stefi Stoyanova
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Of he was soo upset she did what anyone would do in her situation why didn't HE offer to cook for them? They are HIS PARENTS after all! OP ditch the trash. It will only get worse for you if you decide to stay!

candicegcook avatar
Candice Cook
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So...his parents don't like her. Got it. Why don't they just say that instead of all the mind games?🤷🏼 I'd say her boyfriend doesn't like her all that much either based on the way he handled the situation. You can't make up all these ridiculous and secret expectations and expect a person to deliver. I'm sure she told him she was ordering the pizza...I mean they are HIS parents sooo you think he'd know that they'd be offended by pizza AND TELL HER THAT! Which tells me they are all full of it. Racist?...puhlease. Wouldn't you have to actually be a different race to be racist? If I had to guess, I'd say they were also literally just as American as her since it didn't specify that they were actually from Italy themselves just that they have family of Italian origin. Why not just say, "We don't like you." and call it a day?

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Key Lime
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just throw him and his family away. Are you seriously living together but only dating for 7 months?

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Vanja Vidovic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always wonder what real Italians (you know, those born and living in Italy) feel about Americans that fool themselves to be Italians.

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Thomas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for asking. It's cringey and in some cases, like in this one, quite frustrating because of the "bad publicity" that inevitably stems from such a behavior.

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Jeffrey Keffer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You all Know Italian is not a race right ? On no goverment paper work any where does it say White, Black/African American, Asian, Hispanic , Italian ... The OP needs to drop that dude and his toxic family .... Date a nice boy of the Scottish race , you can wear his skir...errr ... Kilts 😆

ladycyg avatar
Christina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree on principal, but in sone ways Italian is more of a race than white. White encompasses everything from Nordic to Mediterranean, from Scottish to Russian. Whereas with "Italian" it's much more likely to be Mediterranean (barring immigrants into Italy from other regions). Either way, you are correct, that dude is toxic. As someone who is part Italian, Scottish, and mutt, I think anyone but him would be a good choice.

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Miss Kat O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm English... is someone served me Yorkshire pudding if probably kiss them

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Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If people don't like you, every breath you take is wrong

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Praecordia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What? This is just dumb. I would tell his parents they are being dumb because I genuinely think they need to know that so they don’t think it’s ok to behave like that.

rennigade120 avatar
Mary Catherine Ryan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait. They came over unannounced, at dinner time, and expected you to cook? Then got made at what you served them to eat, and then your boyfriend sided with them?! I say dump the whole darn family, and don't look back. If my parents ever stopped by unannounced when my ex and I were married to see their granddaughter, they'd apologize, ask us if we had, had dinner, lunch, etc...whatever mealtime they dropped in on, and then they'd offer to take us out to dinner, or to pay for take out, our choice. They wouldn't of been so entitled, and they would've told us that they knew that we weren't expecting two other mouths to feed, so they'll pay, but my parents were taught right, and so were my ex and I, and so was my daughter. If it bothered your boyfriend so much, then why didn't he cook for them instead of expecting you to after you've been working? Nope. That's a no go.

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Gwen Fogle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unexpected guest at my house for dinner would get spaghetti. Fast, easily and filling. Would that be ' rasist'? Then there's the door, parents as well as boyfriend. Don't apologize.

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Awsomemom52
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did they expect when they invited themselfs for dinner "without warning", probably knowing, you've been working all day? It's a hot meal that's popular with almost everyone. They would probably have complained about sandwiches too, which under the circumstances, would have been an adequate alternative to any ordered food.

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Randolph Croft
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This relationship is doomed. Let's hope she gets out before it gets worse.

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Kai
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not sure I would serve Panda Express to Chinese friends, but I agree the parents were rude to expect dinner on that short of notice.

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Existential Crisis Dog
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone whose parents were actually born in Italy, that's absolutely ridiculous. My parents would never be so insecure to act that way. Obviously they are the assholes, and pro-tip...don't date Italian boys that are close to their moms.

ev_1 avatar
E V
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NAH. Dump him and run. Imagine if guys got married and had kids. Nope.

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Elida Lechuga
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Clearly not the a*****e but are you really living with this guy after only dating for 7 months?

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Maggie Avilla
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't judge.. I moved a guy in after 7 months... I was spending a lot of time with him in person though, not just texts and calls, and saw him in all sorts of situations with many different people. It's always good to see how people treat others not just you, because eventually, when the new wears off, they'll end up treating you like they do their other peers and strangers. Also we started as friends and were just gonna be roomies, but I hadn't been with anyone in a while. I was just taking care of myself after my divorce.. ahem.. oops. 😶 At least he got in a few months as just friends. 😂

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Eric Yoder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is your boyfriend republican? Seems like it. You aren't his or his parents slave. Tell them to accept it or else

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Craig Reynolds
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is WHY while growing up, my Italian friends, (more like acquaintances) as none of them were close with anyone that also wasn't Italian, ended up only marrying Italian girls. They were all very inflexible in their beliefs as to what any GF or future wife's role in the relationship was going to be. Basically, they were all of the mindset that the man was king of the home and that he and yes, his parents as well, were to be catered to by her. Not a single one of them could keep a non-Italian GF for more than a month or so as no non-Italian girl was going to tolerate their domineering attitudes. Op's BF and parents are of the mindset that Op is a second-class person that needs to KTA. She needs to just dump that loser and find someone that respects her as a person and treats her as an equal, not a servant.

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Queenbee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All Italians are not this way. BOTH racism and bullying are very individual hang ups.

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JuniorCJ82
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Italian isn't a race, it's a nationality. Also, dump him. NTA.

lisahewes avatar
Lisa H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gaslighting and narcissism seems to run in the bf's family. It will never, ever in a million years, get better. It will ONLY get worse. These people will NOT change. This girl needs to run far, far away.

jennifercbowen avatar
Suzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you show up unexpectedly later in the evening and demanding dinner, you get what you get. They're lucky they didn't get PB&J.

captainsynaptic avatar
Captain Synaptic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The father’s attempt at a “How wound you like it if…” actually works against him. I would most definitely serve visiting Japanese parents foods they are familiar with. And I would certainly respond with an enthusiastic “Yes!” If asked if I would like it if they served me McDonalds if I came over.

connierichardson avatar
Connie Richardson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After reading comments a couple of times, it dawned on me that you were set up by all three, that is if you rarely cook. Both parents probably figured that a surprise visit might get you to cook often for their son. I dont feel that an apology is necessary for folks that come into my territory after I have worked and start to relax for the evening. If you talk about your intentions again say that ordering pizza for unexpected guests is the norm for most people you know. Ask if they would have preferred Chinese take out. If they do then next time order Chinese take out. Also you should know more about the parents of any boy friend. That way you can order something acceptable or just ask their takeout preferences.

ed209sect31 avatar
Don't tread on me
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol ofc not. They came as guests you served food. Am I missing something? They're lucky they got food at all.

leihgh_cheri avatar
Francesca Pesca
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm Italian, as born and living in actual Italy. My first reaction was that they are just jerks. But for in my husband's family food is EVERYTHING. My husband just doesn't get that sometimes you can offer takeaway to your guests, or at least just a pasta. Every time we have guests he cooks for a banquet.. but that's the point, HE cooks it! So if they were offended because OP didn't cook a home made dinner, even if I don't agree at all with it, I get where it comes from.. and unfortunately it's still quite common in Italian "culture" to think that women should be the ones cooking. Some people consider me lazy and uncaring because my husband does all the the cooking and food shopping. But now comes the part about racism.. and I just don't get it, it doesn't make any sense.. the only thing that comes to my mind is that usually we are very proud of our typical food and act like everything else is not at the same level (I don't agree).. maybe they don't want to be associated with that?

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THEY INVITED THEMSELVES TO DINNER MINUTES BEFORE THEIR UNGRATEFUL ASSES SHOWED UP. Italians know about courtesy and don't invite themselves to dinner with no warning. Stop defending shitty manners.

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Allison Seamark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Put the brakes on this relationship now. His parents are controlling, demanding and obviously don't like you. The fact that your BF sided with them is reason enough to call this whole thing off. It's only gonna get worse.

tammipalmer avatar
Tammi Palmer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are dating and it will get bad if you marry, he/they always asholes, trying my best not to just say runnnnnnnnnnn, I don’t care if he apologizes later. But if nothing else don’t marry him, please. Signed Been There Dine That

ikaru avatar
IKaRu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm Brazilian and if someone invite me to dinner and offer me "Feijoada"(which is a typical Brazilian dish) or something like that I would be soooo happy like they took time to do or buy something I would like to eat. But these guys with "italian origins" are pissed off for having the most normal dinner-with-people dish ever fr. Italian origins = their gradma were half italian lol

rjf avatar
RJF
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The op needs to run. These people will make her life a nightmare. Can you imagine trying to deal with them as Grandparents!!! But I feel their intentions are to cause her to run. They gave zero respect for her.

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have told that pissy a*s boyfriend that he could cook for his goddamn parents since they invited themselves.. So, let's go over the etiquette here. 1st breach of etiquette was when pissy a*s boyfriends shitty a*s parents invited themselves for dinner. 2nd breach of etiquette was when pissy a*s boyfriend friend refused to help you and give you any ideas on what to serve these f*****s who invited themselves to dinner. And finally, being of Italian origin an Italian origin does not make them special. Italian is a nationality, not a race. And Italian is no more important than puerto rican or Portuguese or Mexican or French.. These f*****s invited themselves to dinner. I would have told them, "you invited yourself and I didn't have time to cook, eat what I f*****g offer or get the f**k out of my house". If your boyfriend is as you say, blowing up at you, then then you need to cut this off and run from this pissy a*s little boy as fast as you can.

thriftyadams17 avatar
Lawrence mcalistar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Americans eat pizza s lot the ironic thing is yes Americans do eat McDonald's but hamburgers aren't American food really it's German ( named after the country) so should we be offended no, Americans eat a lot of culture different foods / they should have at least been grateful that you provided food first them last minute / so .. Are they saying now there in America they no longer eat Italian food ?

geth1138 avatar
Impetus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex boyfriend's parents liked to show up unannounced. His mom hated me. Looking back I'm pretty sure it was so she could get me off balance. Some people are like that. If the treasured son isn't going to be your ally in that situation you're in real relationship trouble. I don't like to look at one incident and say break up with a person, but it's definitely time for OP to start counting the red flags to make sure she isn't drowning in them.

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ullahsandra avatar
Queenbee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But ethnocentrism is a thing. Some people are so nationalistic or ethnicentristic that they do not want anyone not of their culture in their clan. Many French feel thst way about Germans or English about Polish or French.

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Michael Pattow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not racist if all the people are white. Italian isn't a race. Tell everyone to get bent.

lilrebbitzen avatar
FrillyDragon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can be racist against white folks, but yeah this isn't racism, it's like...xenophobia maybe? Idk what this would be called. The bf's parents wanted an excuse to be pissy. Why can't we all just get along...

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Robyn Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds more to me that they, being Italian, want a nice Italian girl to marry their Italian son.

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Jessie Hardy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was a very artful set up on the family's part. Well played! They probably don't like the girlfriend, because she is NOT of Italian origin. It may have even have been pre planned because what else do you serve when someone drops in unexpectedly for dinner... pizza. If she had actually cooked something then they probably had a game plan too.

j_di_evans avatar
Jag Yu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

got me to thinking... would they die if they eat the take out pizza?

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am black, so I guess I should be offended if serves me fried chicken or greens. These parents are ridiculous and so is the boyfriend.

madkingsmoke avatar
MadKingSmoke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA look here's what you do. The next time you speak to them come right out and tell them. If we invite you over or you tell us you plan to come by I have no problem cooking a meal but if you show up out of the blue looking to be fed you'll get whatever I feel like serving if I feel like serving anything I'm not a servant obligated to wait on you at the drop of a hat. Tell your boyfriend if he doesn't like it he can wait on them your not his servant either. Why didn't they make the friends they were visiting feed them. What kind of person shows up to someone's house invited and without notice expecting to be fed ( other than a mooch) and has the nerve to complain about what you serve? And what kind of man not only allows his ppl (regardless of weather they friends or family) to treat his woman this way but joins in? All 3 of them sound like a bunch of entitled Karen's.... Better yet just run... As fast as you can.

naomiemoore avatar
Naomie Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reading through the comments, looks like many feel the same way. It was his parents stopping by, why didn't he make arrangements for dinner - knowing full well his girlfriend was working and wouldn't have time to fix a home cooked meal. LAST MINUTE. Personally, I would rethink the relationship right there. It can only go downhill from there. If I stop in on short notice or unexpectedly, I always bring something with me. And say hey, I stopped in on short notice, let's get take out and I will pick up the tab and give you the night off! Let's just enjoy each other's company.

joshuashamblin avatar
Joshua Shamblin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were in this situation. I would've kicked them out and told them to never return, you don't show up to someones home act like that and expect to not be wearing that pizza.

willemsen avatar
Meami
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That girl needs to put her sneakers on a RUN! So many red flags here.

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Elisa Zampieri
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still confused on why did she have to take care of dinner... If my boyfriend's parents are improvising a visit and I'm at work the whole day my boyfriend will sort dinner out, at the end of the day it's his parents, not mines

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get totally rid of the BF, too. Not even married and he's insulting you. Not to mention that bad in-laws can ruin the best of marriages. (Luckily we didn't live in the same city as my in-laws :-) until after our kids have left home.

jenparedes avatar
Jennifer McCrary
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They invite themselves for dinner, come empty handed then are 'offended' over pizza.....? DUMP this family....it will only get worse.

giovanninagarcia avatar
Jo Garcia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump this guy. He could've gone to Uncle Giuseppe's or ordered from somewhere, even not Italian if he can't cook. Why was the responsibility dumped on you when you worked late. Did you tell his parents that you had no time to cook anything?

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"If you have Asian people over do you serve them sushi?" If sushi is almost universally liked by everyone, is the fastest, cheapest option to serve unexpected guests, and there are literally 10 different sushi places within a five minute drive of me? You bet your a**e I'm serving sushi to my Asian guests, as well as ANY OTHER guests I might have, no matter their ethnicity (also sushi is specifically Japanese food; that'd be like calling spaghetti "European food" instead of Italian food. *Now* who's being "racist," hmm?). I also wouldn't throw a hissy fit if my BF's Italian parents DID serve me McDonald's every time I came over, let alone ONE time when I specifically showed up at their place unannounced. I'd just say "Thank you"... y'know, like a normal person. My guess is it's not OP's choice of cuisine this jerk's parents didn't like, it was OP.

efxnoise avatar
efxnoise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. The simple fact that you provided food to someone ALWAYS warrants a gracious and thankful response. Regardless if you put out canned cheese and those flavorless "water crackers" that nobody likes or some Michelin level tasting menu, you provided food from your heart* and if it's not appreciated, then delete those people, they have no manners. Tony Bourdain was a big proponent of this and he didn't just tell others he lived it...see Namibia/Warthog episode. * Doesn't matter if you cooked yourself or ordered from a local place, it was coming from your heart.

marypigott_1 avatar
Mary Pigott
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leave. You just reminded me why I never dated Italian men despite there being 1000s in my area..

elizabethcustodio avatar
Elizabeth Custodio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I think that the fact her boyfriend basically threw his parents and dinner all on her shoulders last minute didn't warn her or try to accommodate her and them in anyway so the dinner would go smoothly and still had the nerve to get upset at her for doing the best she could is either a set up in the sense he is trying to make a fight or find any pathetic reason to break up with her or if that isn't the case and he is really that much of a inconsiderate scum bag she needs to open her eyes and realize that he and his parents are of a machista mindset meaning women are more like trophies or something pretty to look at that is property belongs barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen to serve him and his family and anything that is wrong or goes wrong will always be her fault he nor his family can do no wrong! She needs to wake up and get out now cause the way he is acting that isn't gonna change with time it will be with more expectations.

johnathanmcfadden avatar
Johnathan McFadden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My guess as some said and from my experience growing up it's probably the BF thinks as well as his dad that only the woman does the cooking, cleaning etc and my guess is he was complaining to mommy and daddy that the GF doesn't always cook for him and thats why they showed up like that to basically find something to nit pick and make a scene.

jamesbailey_2 avatar
James Bailey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a relationship test that you were set up to fail. The worst possible thing you could do is apologize. They are trying to place you in a submissive position. Your boyfriend's complicity is shocking. Tell your boyfriend that next time his parents invite themselves over in the middle of a work week, they should be taking you out to dinner. I think you should demand an apology from him for his complicity in this controlling behavior. Make it an ultimatum. If he looks at your relationship as a campaign of domination, tell him he should at least sack up and not have mommy and daddy fight his battles. Communicate your contempt for this puerile stunt. Be confrontational, be angry. It's the only thing these bullies respect.

eristyler avatar
Eris Tyler
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her boyfriend and his family are insane. Who invites themselves over at the last minute to someone's house for dinner, and then throws a hissy fit over what they're served and storms out. And the icing on the cake is being called a racist on top of it. OP should run away and never look back!

tammipalmer avatar
Tammi Palmer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please do not marry him, my nice way of saying run. Signed Been There , Done That

bjaffe98 avatar
Rexblade
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well there are two fantastically american things in this post, the parents and pizza. Modern pizza is super Americanized, like salmon in sushi, technically Japanese food, but came from outside influences. You might as well call pizza American manakish. This is dumb people looking for a reason to play victim because they don't like her.

vincenzocaggiula avatar
Vincenzo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an Italian if an American served me pizza I'd call them brave not rude...

staphgirl79 avatar
Mistiekim
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not about the pizza. It was a test to see if she was a nice subservient girl for their son who would cook a meal when told to (no matter the time of day).

littlestarsdraws avatar
teela01 avatar
Random321
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Would you like it if we only served you McDonalds when you visit?” Umm… yeah? I’m not going to complain about free food

carofer_gonza avatar
Philenzortia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA but a simple question would have helped the entire situation. “We haven’t cooked anything, I’ll have to order some food, what would you like to eat?” his parents are very rude people.

the_goddess_is_in avatar
Karina Carr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are we all just going to ignore the fact that they've only been dating for 7 months in our apparently already living together? There are so many problems with this post.

lbcwell1118 avatar
Lindsey or Something
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the issue is that they were offended by what they were served more than anything else. In terms of hospitality, if someone shows up on my doorstep because they got stranded somewhere and need help for example, I'm gonna offer a meal. If they're family/friends I expect a notice, but I'll feed them when they show up regardless. HOWEVER, that doesn't entitle them to complain about what I offer them. Beggars can't be choosers, but if you have guests, you ought to provide for them in some fashion as a host/hostess. She did nothing wrong, I applaud her for being a gracious hostess when put on the spot; her "in-laws" for lack of a better term are awful guests.

rachaeltemple avatar
Rachael Temple
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pizza is pretty simple and pretty American lol. Their reaction is insulting and racist. McDonald's is not that American of an example some of us only got that with grandparents. Mash potatoes and corn and deer would be a better example lol.

juliasorensen95 avatar
Julia S.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fun Fact: The pizza found in America is not the same pizza found in Italy. Traditional Italian pizza (I believe it's called something else) doesn't have cheese. It's just the dough & sauce and maybe some basil to garnish. Everyone from the original reddit post & this comment section is correct. NTA. Poor girl, I hope she stands up for herself with her boyfriend or leaves him before it's to late.

suluchewy avatar
Sulu Chewy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreeing with comments you invited yourself that means either you are bringing food or be prepared to eat whatever is there ... leftovers ... at least they got pizza. Someone seems to be trying to create drama because I am sure they know that they are both working people.

beegtymerawkstah avatar
BeegtymeRawkstah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody is more racist than Italians. They hate you because you aren't Italian and when they say they "take great pride" in being Italian they mean they would be horrified to have halfbreed grandchildren.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IF they invited themselves, then they were lucky to get that. Actually I had MORE problems with my MIL, because -- Invite her to dinner, all cooked, good food, and she turns up with a pot of her own terrible cooking. Over-cooked, drowned in rancid green olive oil and sugared :-(

bradyfaist avatar
Vincent Hannah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

McDonald's? No. If you're looking for food to serve to an American "because that's what we eat" serve pizza.

fairsparrow avatar
Fair Sparrow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I totally get the way they're thinking, I'm an immigrant myself and I had multiple people coming up to me screaming "vodka" instead of "good morning". That sucks. However, context matters. They're overthinking it, and OP did nothing wrong.

diamondmair128 avatar
Mary Leverett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ummmmm, just to be clear - pizza is an AMERICAN invention, originally called "tomato pie" - it became a go-to profession of Italians "just off the boat", to establish themselves in the U.S. THEY changed the name to "pizza".

valica810 avatar
Valerie Mace
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dating 7 mnths & already living together? That's where I 1st got confused

clarastallworth_1 avatar
Clara Stallworth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! OP got the news of boyfriend's parents stopping by at the last minute AFTER she got off work! She did what most of us normal folks do, which is to order takeout, which happened to be pizza (most likely, a plain cheese pizza). Most folks would've been grateful that at least they've gotten something to eat, but, oh no, not boyfriend's proud Italian parents! They got offended REAL quick, and called her a racist for serving them pizza! One, she just got off work, and, two, THEY were the ones to stop by her place last minute! In some cultures, it's rude to turn down the food served by your host! The fact that they went on this racist tirade about food, and boyfriend's defense of his parents' meltdown? She needs to break up with him PRONTO!!

tommythebiker avatar
Thomas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am Italian. Like, actually born and currently living in Italy. There's absolutely nothing disrespectful about delivered pizza, in fact it's the perfect food for when you don't have time to cook or you're not in the mood. Unless it's really, REALLY badly made...

jenparedes avatar
Jennifer McCrary
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

synthwolfe avatar
Nathan Wolfe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Southwestern family, and we have specific rules. 1, always feed the hungry. You show up and you haven't eaten? You'll leave like its Thanksgiving, regardless of time of year. 2, never go anywhere without a gift (food and drink are common, but it can be whatever). And 3, if we go anywhere else for dinner, be it expected or not, eat something small beforehand so the hosts can have their fill. Eat enough to be polite, but don't gorge yourself, unless they're family. Then dig in.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THEY ARE THE A$$HOLES, NOT YOU. Get out of that relationship and find a partner who respects you.

shieldmaiden avatar
Shield Maiden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1 italians are the most racist race on earth. 2 americans eat more pizza then mcdonalds.....

technusgirl avatar
Rachel Gerstner
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can't just expect people to whip up a meal for a family in such little notice, I mean they sound very toxic and entitled. I mean she could have checked with them to make sure they were fine with that first because you don't really know if someone has dietary restriction, are vegan or just don't like pizza. But I would never in my life just tell someone I was stopping by that same day and expecting them to serve me dinner. They were just looking for trouble if you ask me

paulamiglino avatar
Paula Miglino
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sure the parents knew she worked and to invite themselves for dinner unexpectedly they should have offered to pick dinner on the way there?! I would have at least responded to the unplanned visit asking them what are they in the mood for take out. Their son should have known better to recommend something if they were to be offended for the quickest but satisfying take out!

halesm avatar
Hales M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a PoC, half of my heritage is from barbados. On a first date a guy took me for Caribbean food (knowing my background)... it was the blandest, most white Jerk I had ever had. I still wasn't offended that he had taken me there, I did however teach him how to judge authenticity-- if all the customers inside are white, especially in a multicultural area... chances are it's not going to be terribly flavourful.

madelinekopanda avatar
Lemon Beans
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an American, I'd be delighted if I showed up to someone's house unannounced and they provided me with free McDonald's. Dad's argument is invalid.

karen_mattock avatar
delightfuldragon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her TA? No. The parents of the bf AH? Absolutely! #1 They visit on the spur of the moment. #2. They expect dinner on short notice. #3. It's supposed to be homemade? They're lucky they didn't get soup out of a can! #4. Why is the expectation that SHE will make dinner? It's her BF's parents. #5. Why be insulted? Ordering pizza in America makes it American pizza. It's not exactly the same thing as a real Italian pizza. I could go on...

kdubler54 avatar
IceCreamLover
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The boyfriends parents should not have just dropped by without prior notice. They should of been thankful the gf bought pizza

efxnoise avatar
efxnoise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I agree with the others, you may need to reevaluate joining this family. The dad actually said you providing pizza was racist? Politely show them the door! The appropriate response no matter what type of food you served is "Thankyou"

michelemonfrecola avatar
Michele Monfrecola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a real Italian, who actually lives, eat and speaks Italian, I can say that they are the assholes, not only they didn't respect your work life, but they also throw the story of racism into play when they are actually 100% American, you know, there's no "american race" besides natives, please tell 'em for me that they are "coglioni decerebrati senza dignità", if they can't understand then they're not Italian anymore🤷🏻‍♂️ they should be glad to what they get

spamreceptacle726 avatar
steampunk dandelion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wait a minute, I can see this exactly as it is.... white people who so desperately want to be part of a minority because they feel excluded from feeling "special" and "different" so they cling to the identities of their parents, grandparents, or even great grandparents. they'll hold onto this so tight that they'll never see they're in the wrong for getting all pissy over a pizza. A PIZZA.

spamreceptacle726 avatar
steampunk dandelion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

like I could understand if this was a person who'd migrated from italy and has had many people joke about how they were so lucky for being able to eat pizza every single day. I could understand this person snapping after being served pizza, but I can't understand this hypothetical person continuing to be angry even after learning that it was unintentional.

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gustavedelior avatar
Gustave DeLior
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys a real a*s it sounds like, find yourself some down to earth people.

arch-201 avatar
ARCH-201
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is specifically targeted towards 1 of the shown comments. Why is it incorrect for Americans to point out that their families originate from a different country so genetically they're not ONLY American, they're also whatever place their body is genetically made up of. Jeez

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Shawnna Clement
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm making assumptions. First, this occured in the US. The ignorance that Italian is a race and the insistence on being Italian, even if the past 5+ generations were born in America, and have never been to Italy, is an American thing. Every immigrant friend I know across the globe identifies as, for example, "Australian, but originally from India..." Could the parents "pride" stem from not having a true race? Second, I assume the parents brought nothing and arrived at a standard American dinner time (6 PM) expecting to be fed immediately. A true Italian would never expect dinner until 8 PM or to even visit unannounced without a bottle of wine or dessert. Maybe the parents expected OP to understand cultural difference... BF is an AH

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Queenbee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually, "place" is separate from genetics. Many immigrant families pride themselves on sticking to their ethnicity in marriage. It is point of pride and culture. It depends on the individual. I know several immigrants of Indian and Asian origin as well as a family of Greeks and Italians that ONLY marry those from the same country even though they live in America. I know Africans who not only select wives from their own country but will go back to get a wife from their own tribe and would not think of marrying from another group. This integrating thing is very complex and some dive right in embracing everything while there are entire groups of any ethnicity you can think of who will always have people trying to preserve bloodlines and culture by marrying others from the same culture. This is true anywhere in the world you go except among most English and Blacks of the diaspora. They do not believe in such precepts because many already have a mixed or blended ethnicity .

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Josh Gilland
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So proud they don't even know pizza isnt even Italian. It's Greek. They just wanted to be pissed. And yes maybe I'm the weird one here but yes people should let you know if they're swinging by and they shouldn't expect anything. My parents call days in a head, so do my friends. I'm also introverted and make it clear i enjoy and need time away from people so maybe they've adapted to me.

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Carol La Rubia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This may be polarizubg but - yes boyfriend is an AH for not contributing to feeding his parents, but depending on where his parents are from, pizza is NOT the best thing to order for someone of Italian heritage. 99% of chain pizzas are like kryptonite, destroying our will to eat. If you have olive oil, garlic and pasta, you have a meal. The only "cooking" is boiling the pasta. Tbh, I would pass on chain pizza, and most local pizzerias. I moved from NY. Took me 5 years and lots of disappointment to find good pizza in the Cincinnati OH area.

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Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're completely missing the point here. These people showed up UNannounced at OP's, and when she was kind enough to feed them they acted like rude, entitled children to her face. I don't care if it was the worst meal they'd ever eaten, you STILL don't act like ungrateful brats to someone who welcomes you in and gives you free food. If they truly had a problem they could have stomached bad pizza the ONE time--y'know, like *adults*--and then just brought some food with them the next time, or suggested a place to eat out. Or why didn't BF's "authentic Italian" mother just go in the kitchen and make some of that garlic and olive oil pasta; surely OP would have simple ingredients like that on-hand. There were a dozen other tactful ways they could have handled this, and yet they settle on "let's accuse our son's GF of racism then rudely storm out like Karens whose cashier told them their coupon is expired." Bad pizza or no, that's no excuse for this kind of shitty behavior.

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Travis F
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes. She needs to get away as fast as she can. They acted like that...and he defended them. Hate to tell ya, but this is a glimpse into your future. Better run while you can.

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Dip thong
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not that but I'd like to share. When my husband and I went to his parent's place for a meal my MIL would lay out a spread. When they came our way so did I until this one particular Saturday when I woke up exhausted after a grueling work week. So when they got there I picked Burger King. They never let me forget it. They didn't come all that way ( 3 hours) for Burger King. I had no energy in my tank. Just to clarify my MIL was Marie from Everybody loves Raymond. I know I should have done better. BUT I was exhausted. It was an awful day. My only saving grace is nothing I cook would have met her approval anyway. So there is that.

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Dip thong
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stand in amazement at just how little it takes for someone to be offended and hit the racist button. Dog-gone people these days.

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Jason Burton
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Ashley Kay
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This entire situation is a major red flag. First of all, it's rude to go someone's home without having a conversation first. It's even worst when you decide that they should feed you. When you go to another person's home unannounced, you don't get to whine about food. This is just complaining to complain. Secondly, why was is it automatically her job to feed HIS parents? They're his parents, if they were coming over he should have got up off his butt and fixed something to eat. But instead, he pinned that responsibility onto her. Third, what boyfriend does that? I mean this guy just took his parents side no questions asked. Blamed her for everything like she was the bad guy. A normal boyfriend would have defended her, even try to defuse the situation and explain. Then apologize for his parents behavior. The only thing left that I can say is; run. Run away as fast as you can because things are only going to get worse.

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george young
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How different with this conversation be if the parents are Mexican and you serve them tacos or they were black and you serve them fried chicken this conversation wouldn't take place she'd be a racist

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Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt the OP will ever see this here, but die on this hill, Sister.

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Alison Kennedy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hope the OP shows this to her (hopefully soon to be) ex boyfriend.

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enohPilivE
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they are really Italian, let them get into a big fuss of an incoherent argument and let it naturally run its course. When it's all over, if your boyfriend has done his job, Mom will give you a great big hug and say "Don't worry, we just forgot the wine" or something to that effect...

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J. Maxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We're mutts, but when we (never happens) show-up unintentionally (again never happens) we always bring food. When we visit someone we always at least bring something to drink and a snack, at least a snack. My gawd we're not animals.

davidkramer_1 avatar
David Kramer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not trying to disbelieve the OP here, I'm talking more about the stories I hear on this site writ large... The kind of crazy behavior I hear on here makes me wonder if the OP's are gaslighting us to an extent, leaving out important details, taking creative liberties with the "villains", etc, so that they can look better and get affirmation that they're not bad people. If the story was as accurate as the OP said, then she's right... But this story put up a red flag, because I've known too many actual gaslighting racists that "edit" their stories when trying to prove to other people they're not racist. Who knows what else has been said and done to the parents? Again, not outright calling bs on the OP, just thinking that humans tend to cast themselves in the best light when seeking absolution, and that maybe the practice of judging ppl of assholery based on a ONE-SIDED retelling of events by the supposed victim is a bad idea. I think I'm just gonna stop engaging in these AITA's

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T.Milly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so ridiculous, I don't believe it's even true.

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Lee Sanyos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These comments are amazing for all the c**p read into it. Not sure what late is or what working has to do with it. Was there food in the house, what did they intend to eat before the parents just showed up and people assuming of Italian origins means they were Americans? They could have lived in CN, MX or anywhere else. Maybe they came over later because they said on prior occasions they weren't home until late. With one side of the story, it is hard to tell the truth. Many Europeans eat "late" then again so do Americans. Restuarants are busy with people showing up to eat at 7, 8 and 9 o'clock so some of this sounds like an excuse not to be a good hostess. There is always food in our house so if someone "showed up", they would not go hungry.

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Tiye Momah
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn't you just explain it's a cultural difference? The fact that you came here to find support for your actions lends to entitlement annnnnd the behaviors that support racism. Not saying you are a racist, in America, pizza is our last minute go to option, but when you choose to date someone of a different culture, that means you choose ALL of them, and this simply sounds like a misunderstanding of cultures ( because we don't know how Italian they are); but you seeking support of your views and behaviors....well, your boyfriend's right and I hope he finds someone more supportive.

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Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago

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NTA for ordering takeout to deal with unexpected guests who arrived expecting dinner. However, possibly the a*****e for assuming they would be okay with pizza - I say possibly because it was assumed they'd like pizza because "who doesn't" but it isn't clear whether OP ignored any questions of allergy to gluten, dairy or other ingredients; I appreciate that OP might've known this about them from the previous visits to their house. And the fact they kicked off when they say the pizza makes it obvious that not only did OP assume they'd like pizza, but didn't consider asking them if they had any preference. I don't understand why OP didn't consider when dinner was mentioned saying something like 'We hadn't had time to even start our meal' or 'We don't have enough food' in for 4 then asking if they had a takeaway preference. Having said that, the boyfriend's parents and the boyfriend are most definitely a*****es for the way they responded, boyfriend doubly so for not sorting dinner himself.

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Zoe Duddle
Community Member
1 year ago

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Putting aside the obvious fact that they are rude and the boyfriend should have cooked… does no-one else find it weird that she apparently ordered pizzas, presumably in another room, without speaking to anyone about it at all? Not to ask what anyone wanted, or side dish preferences or what time it should arrive or conferred with boyfriend or anything? I just find it really strange that she wouldn’t ask him what they liked.

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Eric Yoder
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok a*s. She ordered food and probably paid for it but how dare she not ask her slave owners. Maybe next time the bf can get off his lazy republican a*s and cook or the parents who likes to pry into others lives can bring their own food

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Stefano Cacciatore
Community Member
1 year ago

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As Italian, and if I had son, I never trust the cuisine of him and his American girlfriend. Hell no. I would eat at home before to visit them. BTW American pizza is really terrible. It could upset everybody

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