30 Of The Best Irish Jokes The Internet Has To Offer
If one were to inspect the timeline of Irish inventions and discoveries, one would see a very curious thing. The Irish, of course, are responsible for inventing whiskey, and they did so way back in the 14th century. However, right after this groundbreaking beverage came to be, an odd thing happened - a three-hundred-year-long silence, with nothing new from the Irish whatsoever. Were they so enamored with it that they thought their lives were complete? Well, who are we to know, but what we do know is that these Irish jokes are mainly based on this curious fascination with golden liquids.
Of course, we do not want to say that all Irish folks are drunkards apt for debauchery. However, every country has its fun stereotypes, and they are, most of the time, based on at least a shred of truth. For Italians, such a stereotype would be based on pasta and pizza, for Finnish people on their introverted qualities, and for us Lithuanians, it’s, well, potatoes. And it is all in good fun! The same goes for these Irish jokes - although they do talk a lot about beverages containing alcohol, it doesn’t mean that the Irish are only good for that. They are also great with breeding horses, dancing odd dances, and being open and lovely people all around.
So, antsy to read these fun jokes? Well then, scroll down below and check them out! Be sure to vote for the best Irish jokes, though, and share this article with your friends!
Three guys – one Irish, one English, and one Scottish – are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
“I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total,” says the genie.
The Scottish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, his dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity.” So, with a blink of the genie's eye, the oceans were teeming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity.” Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, “I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.” The genie explains, “Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out.”
The Irishman says, “Fill it up with water.”
"I live in rural Ireland, if the vaccine turns me into a wifi hotspot it would solve me a lot of problems."
I love summer here in Ireland. It's my favorite day of the year.
"Ireland's attitude to the coronavirus battle is the same one we apply to the Eurovision: no matter how far down the board, we are as long as we're doing better than England we still feel like we're winning."
My grandmother was 80% Irish. Her name was Iris.
A couple just had their first son, the husband is half Irish and half Indian, the wife is half Chinese and half Italian both wish to have their son's name after their heritage. After much argument, they decided on the name. Ravi O'Lee.
What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and a funeral?
At a funeral, there’s one less drunk.
How can Irish people tell when it’s summer?
The rain gets warmer.
How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?
239. Because one more would make it too farty.
Bono and the Edge walk into a bar in Dublin. The barman exclaims, "Not U2 again!!!"
"I am now supporting America in the World Cup because some of them could be Irish people who were sold by the nuns."
The barman said to Paddy, “Your glass is empty, can I get you another one?”
Paddy replied, “Why would I be needing two feckin’ empty glasses?”
One night, Mrs. McMillen answers the door to see her husband’s best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.
“Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory.”
Paddy shook his head. “Ah Mrs. McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory. Your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned.”
Mrs. McMillen starts crying. “Oh, don't tell me that! Did he at least go quickly?”
Paddy shakes his head. “Not really – he got out three times to pee!”
"You know what? Dublin can be magic, and by magic I mean it’s pretty good at making my bike disappear."
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
What’s the difference between an Irish-American and someone born in Ireland?
One’s been to Ireland.
"If only I had a reason to wear this green shirt" - inventor of St. Patrick's Day."
Did you hear about the Irishman that drank 100 liters of stout in just 30 minutes?
They’re calling it a Guinness World Record.
What do you call a fake Irish stone?
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.
What's an Irish seven-course meal?
A six-pack and a bag of chips.
Why are there so few Irish vampires?
They can't stand Gaelic.
"I’m an Irish atheist which means I believe in science and the power of St. Anthony."
"Will.i.am name in Irish is Liam.is.ainm.dom."
"In Ireland, humans are given a PPS number and cats are given a PSPSPSPSPS number."
People from west of Ireland: "The divil."
Some Irish scientists measured the size of the coronavirus variant. It was one O'Micron.
What is the best time to bathe in Ireland?
"Miaoy - Northern Irish cat."
Note: this post originally had 122 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.