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Misogyny is all around us. But as writer Nina Renata Aron pointed out in The New York Times, the word, which conventionally means hatred of women and was once a radical accusation has become like a synonym to the gentler "sexism" and "chauvinism" in popular use, and with the term's popularity comes a better understanding of what it encompasses.

And one Reddit user found a way to illustrate it. On Friday, u/horridhollowhead made a post on the subreddit r/AskWomen saying, "What is some internalized misogyny you have to continuously remind yourself to unlearn?" And many ladies came through with their experiences and realizations. From the language they use to the way they look at themselves, here are some of the things that stood out in the comments.

#1

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread Sayin « son of a b**ch » to insult a guy. Like seriously if i want to hurt him why I’m insulting his mother

If i say « bastard » well it means that his mom cheated on his father

Crazy how so much slurs are related to women

Have to stop sayin that

ChipsCreamOnion , Ron Lach Report

#2

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread Assuming prestigious positions (judge, CEO, etc) are men before I know their gender. Caught myself doing it when my attorney referred to the judge who would be at our hearing as "her" and I was surprised.

It's scary how subtle it can be, and how it can pop up without you even realizing those things were internalized.

ohmygoyd , EKATERINA Report

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Anna Te
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, listen to "Female murderers" at Parcast Podcast. In the intro they tell us "picture a murderer, a thief- did you picture a woman?". Interesting, how perception is at work.

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#3

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread My knowledge isn’t less valuable or accurate than a man’s knowledge.

SweetTeaGardenz Report

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I think of the top five smartest people I know (multiple doctorates etc), two are men and three are women, so yes.

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#4

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread That sex is not something women give to men, but something BOTH parties (should) enjoy.

daisytre2020 , Anastasia Shuraeva Report

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Brendan Roberts
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, a good sex life is essential for a strong relationship. And, in order for both parties to enjoy it, they need to communicate with each other. Saying that, I understand that this would probably not apply to asexuals.

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#5

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread That my worth and existence as a woman isn't entirely decided by my appearance. That I don't need to achieve a standard of prettiness before I'm worthy of respect, love and self-confidence

That my value as a human being won't suddenly disappear the second I turn 30. Even though on average women spend 65 years of our lives as an adult, we're only considered "young enough" for 12 of them. For the remaining 53 years, or 82% of our adult lives, we're made to feel like old hags by society. It sucks

flareon79 , Davide De Giovanni Report

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

whaaaaat? most people are only interesting after 30 and IMHO most women remain attractive well into their 50s. I'm late 40s and I look absolutely awful, people guess me to be a senior.

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#6

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread I don't have to dye my greying hair if I don't want to. On the flip side, I can have it rainbow coloured if I feel like it.

CrankyLittleKitten , cottonbro Report

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just before the pandemic, I was at a dinner where there were six older women. Three had natural gray hair and three dyed, and of those who dyed, only one had chosen to maintain her original color. It's a totally free choice at this point.

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#7

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread It's OK to be outside with unshaven legs. It's hair. It's just hair

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ShriSha Kamboj
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yes......hair is not unhygienic....unless a doc tells me so.....n this is not sarcasm ///

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#8

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread That I don't have to have a husband or kids to live a fulfilling existence. (Totally cool that some women do though!)

Elegant-Cobbler-257 Report

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#9

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread I was downtown one day and saw this woman in leggings, boots, and a jacket. She had a pony tail and Starbucks. I thought "Ha, look at this basic bi-" and had to stop myself. I then thought "No, she looks comfy and caffeinated, and that pony tail looks great!"

I often catch myself judging stereotypes for no damn reason.

NavyAnchor03 Report

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Something
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's nothing wrong with being "basic." You can stick out from the crowd and be awesome or blend in with the crowd and be awesome. Your worth is not dependent on your uniqueness. We're human, not collector's items.

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#11

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread That other women aren't my competition.

natkolbi , RUN 4 FFWPU Report

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Brendan Roberts
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Women are always in competition with each other. Men are always in competition with each other. We all compete all the time. Whether it is in work, in relationships, or within family. It can be as destructive as it is beneficial, but we still do it.

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#12

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread The not like the other girls trope. I'm just like other women, and I like most of them.

n1b1c000 Report

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Andy Acceber
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you think you're not like other girls, that's because you haven't met enough of them yet. Expand your horizon. Meet more people. Be honest. Be vulnerable. You have more in common with other girls than you think, and there's nothing wrong with that.

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#13

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread The hatred of hairy armpits in pictures. Idk if I’ll ever unlearn this one. I just hate how it looks (particularly on me).

Zahnaynee , Billie Report

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yep i hate it on myself as well, as a guy. I have no idea why the double standards though, or who decided that hairless is the female standard.

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Anthony Picco
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The razor blade companies started that... in advertisements around 100 years ago

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Casey McAlister
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like hairy armpits on men too. They just don't look good. Anyway, it's up to each person to decide if they want to shave or not.

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Tim S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right. This isn't as much of a male/female thing as I think some people think... especially if we're talking about photos.

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Penny Fan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Feminist me think I shouldn't shave/wax everything, but everyday me much prefers not to be hairy...

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Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well feminism is about destroying the different rules for the sexes. The problem is forcing women to shave not the shaving in itself. I barely do it anymore but i do prefer being shaved because i love the smoothness

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Tarik Dursun Zorgulen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do not care about gender. I dislike it. it is bad on men and it is bad on women. I could not care less about leg hairs for instance, but armpit in my mind more associated with sweat and BO. Maybe if I were to born and raised in a cold climate it would have been different.

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Huddo's sister
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sweat, BO and itchiness are why I shave, and yet I still flinch when I have my step dad going on about 'it's so stupid for girls to reinforce the idea that hairy underarms are wrong'. I have to remind myself that he is a hippy, but at the same time, shaming those who choose (and yes it is their choice) to shave is just as wrong.

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My Name Is Mars
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hated it too, until was told by my infectious diseases doctor that I could no longer shave any body hair due to me being over colonized with MRSA (methecillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus). I was hospitalized 36 times between 2017 and 2019 for sepsis related to abscesses I got from shaving. The micro cuts the skin endures during shaving was allowing the MRSA to get into my blood stream. I quit shaving last year and I've only been hospitalized once. Now I don't mind my body hair because it's allowing me to remain healthier. Body hair is natural, anyway.

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Roxy Eastland
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's clearly socialised, not genetic, so yep, you can unlearn it.

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JayJayKay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree. Advertising and movies also help to keep up the idea of what looks good and what doesn't.

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Rens
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just do what works for you. Remove or keep whatever body hair you have, but do it for yourself and not for society or fashion.

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Valisbourne Spiritforge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a social upbringing. I consider myself to be pretty open minded and fair. But the first time a woman raises her arms (where the pits are visible) and it looks like shag carpet, it startles the fire out of me. And yeah, I'm still working on that one.

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Nubis Knight
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's as if men want women to be hairless little girls - kinda pedophile to me.

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Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And it is SO culturally specific. It's quite normal in MOST countries in the world, on all continents, for women to ignore their body hair. But there are a few countries where women are supposed to have abundant head hair and no body hair. I think women should do whatever makes them comfortable. I am very fair, so you literally can't see my body hair, so I don't shave my legs at all, and I shave my armpits for non-sweating purposes. The only thing that really creeps me out about women removing body hair is the trend in these countries for women to be completely shaved on their privates, which is something that comes entirely from the porn industry. Pubic hair = puberty. No hair = children. I find it very creepy, but to each her own.

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Jenn C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I shave my armpits because I didn't like it when hair started growing places it hadn't been before. Though it is off-putting seeing a guy with massive bushes of armpit hair.

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Not A Panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't even notice. Needless to say I don't bother shaving either.

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Annette Easton
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be fair I hate hairy armpits, period. Men, women, doesn't matter.

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Paula Marowsky
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

More than the looks, it is about the smell. Hairless armpits smell much less than hairy ones. Again you can use deodorant, but then dark armpit hair would look funny.

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Oopsydaisy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In an Australian summer, hairy armpits are smelly and uncomfortable. Maybe a bit of growth over winter is fine.

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Sasha
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats not internalized misogyny, thats just personal preference. Honestly a lot of these are just "people have opinions that dont coincide with the current politically correct views therefore its misogyny. " People need to stop applying hidden meanings to everything. Yes maybe you hate hairy armpits AND are a misogynist, but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. The two arent mutually exclusive, like, liking hairy armpits doesent instantly make you a feminist either, see how dumb that would sound?

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UpQuarkDownQuark
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find it extremely unattractive, but since my wife is the only woman in the whole world that has any concern about whether I find her attractive (I do!), then about 4 billion other women can feel free to not give sh*t about what I think of their underarm hair. I was born in the 70s, and grew up accustomed to certain norms. My problem, not theirs.

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Requiem
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My armpits look just as bad with far more hair and sweat more.

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•porcelain•doll•
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's he thing. I don't like body hair. On me or other people. Regardless of gender I just don't fancy it.

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Aleksandra
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You CAN hate how it looks on you or others. It's fine to have preferences and opinions, what is not fine is genderising such things, calling it unhygienic for women etc, and even if you don't genderise and don't like it on any gender, still it's not your place to comment on it. But it's fine not to like it, just like any other feature like beards, long hair etc.

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Birma Gustafsson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I haven't shaved anything on myself for a very long time, and I will never do it again. It's just hair, and we wash it with the rest of our bodies, so it's totally clean!! Never again a rash under the arms that hurts as the hair grows in again! Never nicks again on the legs, on the soft parts under the knees, ever again!! Never need hours and hours to shave legs and armpits and other places, every month we waste so much time and water and foam to turn ourselves to babies butts all over our bodies!! Enough already!!

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JayJayKay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having grown up with a bunch of hippies, I don't mind hairy arm pits at all. I actually find hairy female armpits sexy as.

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Natalia A
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't necessarily misogyny. It's OK to dislike body hair without it being anything more than a matter of taste.

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Peter Korsten
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dislike body hair, and so does my wife. I didn't have much when I was younger, but what appears as I grow older, I tend to shave off. Maybe other men like looking like an ape, but I don't.

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Soyexfox
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i love men with out armpit hairs not because i dont like armpit hairs but because shaved men is my kink

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Joselito El Zapatero
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that this is in the list of misogyny is the reason why many people are disgusted by feminism, ruining it for the true feminists with your crusades.

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aaaggg hhh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate seeing hairy armpits on anyone. Guys or on ladies. It's just so f'in gross!

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Johnny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it really misogyny if even many women prefer to go shaved? I used to shave too (not my armpits, but lower), but not because I hate men.

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Mr Demon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who has put in the "work" "social acceptance" from not furry to not; I must say it's FANTASTIC! There isn't a law that says "YOU MUST SHAVE" if my personality and heart doesn't fo it for you.... no amount of my shaving will! Also hate to the underwire community. I am happy with out you digging in. P.S. way to go thoughtless! Had I thought less about what society said I should be or look like I'd have my own island! Never ride the dig. Use the dirt to bury the oppressionist grave diggers. P.S.S. again thanks for listening! P.S.S.S. I've been married to my husband for 14 yes. Yup I'm a chick.n no I don't shave anything. We met n I did butttttttt I got bigger goals

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Flare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TBH, I hate hairy armpits on men more than women, mainly because it's more messy looking (AKA they don't shave it at all).

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Brandy Grote
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the 1920s as styles became more revealing, women started shaving. Not because men told them too, but because they felt it looked better with the fashions. Men began to expect that look, which is when it became internalized. Although many years since, women still didn't shave. Depression, war time, hippies...and now women are split between "it looks/feels nice", a man told me too/society expects it, and so what.

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Requiem
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We dont need it, Im chest legs ass arms and humans should evolve out of it. Most females prefer men who look like they never hit puberty with nary a hair on their bodies. Id love for the hair covering my body to serve more purpose while living in Northern Canada,

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GFSTaylor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like men to shave their body hair. Hair indicates adulthood and is sexy.

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MoMcB
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't agree this is misogyny. It's a personal preference, like I like men with beards. Doesn't mean I think less of other men.

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Mindghost
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2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

If you hate it, why should you learn to like it?

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GFSTaylor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The question is why does someone hate it ? Is it purely because they've been taught by society that it's ugly and that they should hate it ? In which case, maybe they can learn to stop being bothered by it and relax about it.

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#14

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread That women who do make up, nails, or pay attention to the way they look are not shallow or self-conceited. “Girly” should not be an insult.

murhemursu , Marlon Schmeiski Report

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Something
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Instead of looking down on women (and others) who like makeup, or on those who don't, we should all recognize that it should be a choice freely made and forcing people in either direction is bad. We don't all have to look the same or present ourselves the same.

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#15

That i dont owe prettiness to anyone

here’s a qoute by Erin Mckean about it:

“You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.”

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Roxy Eastland
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. It is years since I read this quote and I'd forgotten who said it.

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#16

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread Formerly raised Christian woman here: sl** shaming. I'm much better about it now but basically do not judge women's character who are promiscuous.

Also women who are hyper feminine. As long as they don't tell me I need to be the same I can respect their lifestyle as long as it's for them not to solely please men when they don't even like wearing all that stuff.

That my first sexual experience was my choice and that virginity is a concept. That nothing was taken from me. I chose to do it and we did an action together. Period.

TheCravenRaven7 , Faruk Tokluoğlu Report

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

S**t shaming is ridiculous because men are not censured for the same activities, indeed they are praised.

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#17

That it's not my job to monitor everyone's emotional status, and take care of their feelings and mental health.

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually it's called just being decent. The fact is, many men don't bother to do this, so actually the general practice SHOULD be to be decent to others. I've had to learn this the hard way.

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#18

That my worth isn’t based on my weight.

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Something
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if you are someone who would be healthier at a different weight, low self esteem is not the way to get there.

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#19

It's okay to piss someone off by speaking up.

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Gaby Almodovar
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No matter your gender, try to be diplomatic, if you can. But sure, you shouldn't hide your opinion, even if it pisses somebody.

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#20

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread I can wear whatever length skirt or pants I want. I’m not a wh**e for wearing ones that end anywhere above my knee.

Mermoy , Art Laurence Luzon Report

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#21

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread "Girls suck."

As a 90s kid, this was the theme and in order to not suck, you had to be "not like other girls."

And as soon as you realize they don't suck, you're pitted against each other and aren't able to enjoy how awesome they are.

Turns out, girls are the s**t and their virtues don't detract from yours!

Sometimes when I'm out and about I still feel this vibe coming at me from other women and I understand that where they're coming from has nothing to do with me. Now, I just give them a nice, big smile. 9 times out of 10 they break into the sweetest smile you can imagine and I love that moment. We friends, y'all.

abroad_adizzybroad , medium photoclub Report

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Susie Elle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah yes, the 90's. When we still thought women should either serve as an aesthetic or the target of insulting jokes.

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#22

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread That I don't have to listen to men. I can't count how many times random men I barely knew started telling me deeply personal crap like it's my job to listen/care about their problems.

EMcNugget , mentatdgt Report

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Missy Moo Moo
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha YES!! Like a man telling me that "xyz" isn't attractive... ah so what?? Like makeup, or some item of clothing. Eewww what makes them think I want to be attractive to them?

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#23

That saying no and having an opinion doesn't make me mean/unattractive

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#24

Calling ppl pussies as a sign of weakness. Pussies are actually very resilient and strong.

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Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Betty White famously said: Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

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#25

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread Referring to women in their 20’s and 30’s (including myself) as “girls”

[deleted] , Juliana Stein Report

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Ozacoter
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is tricky because refering to 20 or 30yo as "a woman" sounds like they are much older (or at least for my spanish brain were señora means older age). We really need to resurrect gal as an opposite to guy

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#26

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread I don’t owe my partner sex. For my whole life I’ve operated off this notion that my role as girlfriend is to give my boyfriend sex and if I say no too many times it’s legitimate cause for him to want out of the relationship.

Smileyfriesguy , cottonbro Report

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Monday
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dunno, it seems like a perfectly legitimate cause for someone to want out of a relationship. If I'm only okay with having sex once a month but my partner wants sex every 3 days then our sex drives are not compatible. There's no shame in ending a relationship for that reason.

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#27

That when the house is dirty/messy it is not because I am a failure. Chores are not divided by gender and self worth doesn’t come from the outward appearance of perfection.

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is heavily ingrained in women and I've tried with all my partners to ask them to not do it. As soon as guests are coming over, whooooosh the house gets a whirlwind clean. I mean really? They're my friends. They're much bigger slobs. They really won't see, know, or care.

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#28

Being "girly" is not wrong. The disrespect shown towards "typical" female interests, i.e. pumpkin spice, yoga, makeup, etc. is because it is considered female. Even though women are more than half the population, their interests are considered "silly".

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Something
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disrespecting "feminine" interests isn't good for anyone. Women are seen as silly when they pursue their "girly" interests and as fake when they are into other interests. ("Fake geek girl," for example.) And men are excluded from the "girly" interests for no reason.

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#29

40 Signs You Have Internalized Misogyny, Shared In Online Thread That I don't need to be "sweet" all the time. I was always so scared of being perceived as rough or mean. I felt that I needed to be nice all the time like a Disney princess, and never be bothered by anything ever. And never cuss cause ladies don't do that.

I don't go out of my way to be mean. It's good to be good. But that doesn't mean I pretend to be okay when I'm bothered or watch how I'm perceived all the time to be attractive to men.

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lenka
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. I have actually had to consciously unlearn this one too - particularly when I am talking to my daughter. I try not to use the word 'nice'. She doesn't have a obligation to be nice to anyone. I tell her to be kind and/or respectful, but never nice.

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#30

Apologizing when it’s unnecessary.

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Scagsy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a resident of England, I hereby apologise for our continuing apologies.

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#31

ThAt I need to have a steady boyfriend or husband for my Survival and fulfillment. I. Do. NOT.

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish someone would tell the incels this so they can get over it as well.

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#32

Saying sorry for everything when you haven't actually done anything wrong. At least in the states this is a very common for women to basically apologize for existing or making someone else's life slightly inconvenient with their incredibly reasonable actions. "I'm sorry to bother you" when reaching out, someone holds the door "sorry, thank you", speaking up about something "sorry, but". We don't need to apologize for any of these things. Men rarely if ever do this.

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XSpooky_Mint
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One time I apologized because my sister pointed out that I looked really shaky, and then she gave me a weird look and I realized it was stupid to apologize and wondered why I did in the first place

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#33

Okay so pink and purple are neat colours, but mainly that there’s no need to feel guilty about not wanting kids. I know the person I am and I know I wouldn’t be a kind mother. Sometimes it’s good to know your limits

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XSpooky_Mint
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad thinks I'm lying about not wanting/liking kids because I like to babysit my baby cousin. I mean, dude, I like watching her because I don't have to do it everyday, I'd be an awful parent if I had to do it everyday

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#34

That women can be experts on things - often I’ll be watching the news and catch myself believing a woman specialist less than if she were a man. It’s the one misogynistic thing that’s really stuck in my brain and I catch myself out and correct myself every time but still it persists - so weird and annoying and against all of my values!

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Leo Domitrix
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You have no idea how often this one bites people in the a$$, medically speaking.

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#35

I might be a girl and I might be the oldest but it is not my job to manage my parents' feelings and expectations. It took nearly 50 years to learn that lesson but at least I did it - and hopefully I managed to pass it on to my kid, so that she won't waste nearly the time on it I did.

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Otter
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope it also wasn't your job to babysit or raise you younger siblings. Sadly, lots and lots of eldest girls are stuck with that s**t, and very few eldest boys.

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#36

Rest isn’t just for men. My husband doesn’t do the dishes when he visits his parents and I feel bad for not always doing the dishes when I visit my parents.

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Jessica Gunn
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One hundred percent THIS. I'd like to rest too, I hate being expected to help with cooking and dishes while the guys (brothers and husbands) don't!

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#37

I don't see the men in my life putting the time energy or give-a-damn into: getting rid of body hair, or keeping their skin perfect, or being the perfect body 110% of the time. I'm allowed to just be me and be comfortable in that.... But sometimes it digs into my subconscious that I SHOULD want these things. Trying my best.

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Otter
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of us make a conscious decision that having a perfect body is more trouble than it's worth, and some of us make a decision that it's worth any amount of trouble! Now if only the two sides would stop looking down on each other...

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#38

It's okay if she isn't wearing something of conventional/"weird" clothing but something which she loves.

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again we're back on the clothing thing, but I must say it's definitely swung in favour of women at the moment. Try be a woman and wear a suit. You might get some sexist remarks that you are trying to be macho or dominating. Try be a man and wear a dress/skirt. If you don't get beaten up you will certainly be insulted. I get insulted for merely wearining non-blue clothing. Literally. Maybe this is a side-effect of living in Africa. We had a case where one guy publicly announced that he'd beat a woman who was wearing pants... but he was a rural guy. In cities, women wear pants all the time. I've only ever seen a man in a skirt at a scottish parade.

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#39

That women who sleep around a lot aren't bad

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LuckyL
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they just enjoy their sex life (wrote sex live at first and realized that's a whole different topic)

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#40

I can not like another woman for whatever dumb reason I care to name, but if I go after her looks instead of the real issue between us I am the one in the wrong.

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ZAPanda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But that's correct. If you dislike someone for [some reason], that's possibly a legitmate reason. But if you dislike someone just for their looks, regardless of whether you're male, female, intersex, trans, whatever, you are not a nice person.

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