29 Revealing Answers To “What Is Something That Men Do That Lets You Know They’re Insecure About Their Masculinity?”
Interview With Author
When a man hesitates to hug male friends in public or sweats at the mere thought of carrying a female friend’s purse for her, it makes you wonder how come this is such a big deal. But while we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, some of these unexplainable behaviors can reveal a way bigger picture.
People say it has to do with some men being insecure about their masculinity. How come? Well, it’s the fear of losing one's status as a “real man” in other people’s eyes, which makes the guy think he would be looked at as tenuous. There’s an old-fashioned belief that a man has to earn his status through proof of action, or a test of some sort, that makes him the man he really is. And although many men are aware of the fact that this is not how gender works, some still follow this ancient notion of manhood.
So when a TikToker @richtiktoxic asked people “What is something that men do that lets you know their insecure about their masculinity?” his video went viral with 1.1M views. “I’ll go first. As soon as a man refers to himself as an alpha, you know he’s insecure,” said Rich and passed the baton onto other people on social media who had a lot to say on the topic.
@richtiktoxic Stitch or Duet me with your favorite indicator!! #stitchthis #toxicmasculinity #peab
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I wouldn't say first, but definitely a sign.
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Yes, you're right, but we'll look past these things because we love them and they had a bad day. Plus they apologized and promised it will never happen again.
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Had a friend that got married too young. her husband was a controlling douche. She had red hair, fair skin and green eyes. He demanded that she wear only pink because he thought she looked fantastic in it. She did have some pink clothes, but not a lot. She came home from work to find that he had tossed her dresser off the second story balcony of their apartment and everything that wasn't pink was strewn all over the grass around the dresser. She called the cops, he was arrested, she moved out and served him with divorce papers. To this day, she refuses to wear pink.
My ex told me that he would break up with me if I ever started smoking. (Both my grandfathers smoke and died of cancer). When I told my mom what my BF told me, she looked at me and said, "Start Smoking." He also told me that I was not allowed to get out of a car unless he opened the door for me. My dad said, "If you think he's not going to hit you one day, you are kidding yourself"
My ex told my mom he would marry me if I lost weight. I wasn't even overweight, just not the 120lbs I was at 20y.o. when we met.
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Any kind of controlling behavior is abuse. Shortly after the ring went on my finger my ex suddenly decided it was inappropriate for me to hug any male who wasn't a blood relative - my best friend was a guy and I'll hug him any time I f*****g feel like it, thank you very much. Also, I apparently laughed to loud (??) and my skirts were too short. Um, what? I have always dressed conservatively, but I guess showing your knees is considered "lewd". WTF? I was like HAVE YOU MET ME? He lasted less than a year.
No fooling, is this how you are? We are right in the middle of a pandemic, revolutions, climate change, religious fanatics and the whole apocalypse. Here we sit talking about insecure boys. Get serious.
"Men" can have all the rules they want, why would anyone listen? If he's single, rules don't matter! If you have love and trust, all you need!
There are controlling abusive women as well; unfortunately men are looked at like they are wimps because they can't handle their woman.
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It's so stupid when things are said so vaguely. First women do the same thing, like my lady dosent let me go out without wearing boxers, no one wants to see my bulge, and if they do we don't want them to. My lady dosent let me drink straight hard alcohol. Nothing wrong with that. There are rules on what you where and do no matter where you go! I wouldn't let you to my kids birthday party in a thong! I wouldn't meet my lady's parents in my pjs... but yes there is bad ones that use it for control, men and women both. My lady and I last relationship were both very abusive, this is not a man thing only.
Surely the difference is that all the things you mention are social niceties that you should be able to decide for yourself. And that is a long way from one partner having rules that their partner must not wear high heels if that makes them taller than them, or that they can't wear jeans or swear or see their friends which is what is inferred here.
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The only rules about that kind of stuff should be to treat each other with respect.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the video named Richard, better known by his TikTok handle @rich.tik.toxic. Rich is a successful online content creator and journalist with 333.7k TikTok followers who was happy to answer some questions for us. When asked how Rich got the idea to ask people about the signs of insecure masculinity, the author said that “the video that sparked this entire debate was one created by my good friend Brittany Guzman (@_brittguz on TikTok).”
“It was a reference to a study done in the UK regarding the prevalence of sexual harassment. She encountered an incredible amount of hate comments simply for referencing a study. Men made it known they were unhappy with her bringing this data to light; so much so that at one point I think her video had 100 likes and 1000 comments,” Rich explained.
“In comparison,” he continued: “most videos have five to ten times more likes than comments. If you are not a man who sexually harasses women, why would you be triggered by this study? I realized it's because 'being a man' has become the defining characteristic of men’s self-identity.”
Rich also said that “Pointing out how problematic typical male behavior has become is perceived by men as a personal attack.” According to him, “until men can realize that their biological sex is no more than a scientific category, they’ll be unable to truly define their self-identity.”
I feel like this question does matter. There is a lifestyle/personality difference between a woman who’s slept with a couple of men and one that’s slept with like 100. If you answer and the guy shames you, that’s one thing. If you ask him and he says his number being high is different than yours being high, that’s bs. But asking in itself isn’t toxic.
Speaking of the answers he received, Rich said a few of them caught him by surprise, “more so because of how accurate and detailed many of the responses were. Just about all of these behaviors are the manifestation of outdated societal norms that men are told to abide by.”
“Things like driving a lifted truck, unnecessary assertions of dominance, and disliking anything feminine were common responses. Those behaviors seem so ridiculous when looked at from an objective standpoint.”
Me and my wife blame each other for everything as a... sort-of-joke (I don't really want to use 'Joke' but can't think of another word that fits). She farts, then says 'Babe that's disgusting!' and I say 'sorry'. I'll forget to put something away, then say, 'Oh Darling, you've left this stuff everywhere!' and She'll say 'Sorry. Can you deal with it for me now?'
“The beauty of the time we live in is that you get to be whoever you want,” Rich said and added: “Don't do yourself the injustice of using outdated gender stereotypes and norms to create your identity. Stop putting value in the contemporary ideals of what is masculine and what is feminine.”
“Masculinity is defined,” he concluded, “as having the traits of someone who identifies as a man. If you identify as a man, you are already masculine. You get to decide what masculinity means for you.”
Also, if you tell a friend you’re bisexual and the first thing they wonder is if you like them or have a crush on them, think about that. Not telling you what to do, but just think about it.
Rich’s TikTok audience is expanding rapidly, but he assured us that he never wanted to be an influencer. “Even calling myself an influencer feels so ridiculous. I was always the person behind the camera. I worked with a few social media celebrities when I was starting as a photographer and videographer creating viral content on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram,” the author confessed.
Speaking as someone currently on her period, I can confirm that periods are gross. And man, woman, or other, any one is entitled to be grossed out by used sanitary products or menstrual blood left on the loo seat. That said, unused sanitary supplies are not gross, and a man secure in his masculinity should not hesitate to buy them for the women in his life if requested to do so.
“However, my life's goal has always been to do everything possible to save the planet. As I got older, I started to realize that without copious amounts of money, the only way I could have a substantial impact would be to put myself both behind and in front of the camera. That's when I started utilizing everything I had learned in the years creating content for influencers for my own content.”
Rich believes that as much as virality hinges on luck, “the only people that get lucky creating viral videos are the ones actively trying to create them. Fight to get to the front of the line so you have the highest chance of actually getting what you want,” he concluded.
I'm on the fence. I understand who this is targeting (the same people that say 'all lives matter'), but the phrase doesn't belong to one group and one subject matter alone. A girl at work has just split up from her boyfriend, she says 'All men are arseholes' I say, 'most of them, yeah', But when she asks me why all men cheat, I will say, 'Not all men, just the ones you've dated so far.'
As a former heavy drinker, I can quite happily say that the best alcoholic drinks are the one that don't taste like your drinking alcohol. If you like the taste, drink it! But please drink responsibly.
I've had that tried on me, but I have a killer grip strength so they only try it once :) still hurts tho! (Edit: my legs are ok-ish for walking and not much else, So I do most chores purely on arm strength where possible, hence crazy grip. One of my only physical strengths ^-^)
Wait what? People don't like when a woman compliments them on their appearance? It's nice to hear from anyone, male or female, that you look good today
You know how to tell when someone is insecure? When they make comments like elStiJneriNO.
I think it is less about their insecurity and more about their lack of skill when if comes to trolling. It is an art. Give poor old elStiJneriNO time to perfect it.
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When you feel the need to comment on pictures about insecure men defending the behavior they're talking about...
Maybe they wanted to get a list the easy way for part 2...because if so, it sure worked.
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So annoying browsing through a lot of pictures, when it easily just could've been text.
Online profiles when their picture is them pulling their shirt up. No. Thank. You.
Cant stand it when assholes like that dickhead the situation is talked about and he has his shirt pulled up.
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I would have added dealing with rejection: if they curse you to the moon and back because you politely decline their request to dance with them because they „could have asked anyone in the club“ 😂 those guys have issues...
Dismissed James seems awfully familiar.......funny, seeing as punished Edward was removed from BP, and along comes dismissed James with the same attitude and vernacular. Coincidence? Time will tell :)
Personally, I blame the parents. If they hadn't given their sons such false representations of what it means to be a man and that they can be confident in themselves while refraining from being too macho, half of these guys wouldn't make themselves look complete idiots to the people around them.
You can tell that guy is insecure, when he's interrupting you mid-sentence and ends it for you. Ugh, nothing drive me nuts than this. Also, when they're "betting" with you over some life stories. Just share it, we don't have to throw them like cards on the table. Also telling not-so-nice things about your clothes, or clothes in store, just because they doesn't look "manly" to him. I have loads of examples tbh
I almost certainly have more examples than you
Load More Replies... I totally missed the point on SOME of these. Are they saying that men aren't entitled to have their own opinions, likes and dislikes?
Jesus Christ, this comments section does not pass the vibe check. Y’all (you know who I’m talking about) need to go see a therapist, like right f*****g now.
Has anyone else noticed that the comment censoring is starting to get excessive? Most of the time I don't agree with the opinion being censored, but I don't find them offensive or inappropriate. Personally, I support the right of free speech and varied opinions, even when I disagree with those opinions. It gives us a chance to see things from a different point of veiw and is the first step toward understanding and accepting each other's differences. I feel like censorship can actually fuel divisiveness rather than safeguard from it.
Too many topics about the same subject, it is already... boring. When we will have something about "how do we know when a woman is not secure about her feminity"? :)))
Insecurity about your gender is a much bigger problem for men, as society puts so many restrictions to the concept of "masculinity". Being a tom-boy is not a problem for most women, but many men suffer if they are perceived as "unmanly". (Women have other problems of course, and there are lots of threads about them on Bored Panda.)
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Posts like this always draw out the bigots/general purpose morons. I’m aware of the massive difference, but one often comes hand in hand with the other.
I had a boss at a terrible job once refuse to take any cold medication when he was clearly sick because "only girls can't handle a cold! Men can tough it out!" Like seriously? You wanna sneeze and cough all over all the shared work equipment to "be a man"?
As a boyish lesbian I have experienced insecure men a time or two. The insecure types act as though I'm trying to be a man or that I'm attempting to be tougher than they are. Neither are true. I'm totally fine being a woman and I am also fine with someone-male or female-being tougher than I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone so by all means out "man" me because I will let you win. I get along best with men typically but there's those few who have to be bad.
This is really interesting when paired with the article about false beauty standards for men. Perhaps it's a fear of not meeting those standards, consciously or unconsciously, that makes men insecure, and that in turn drives negative behaviors.
On online profiles when they post a picture of them lifting their shirt up. No. Thank. You.
When a girl asks another dude on a date and they all start teasing him.
When they make the 'big nose not excuse for not wearing mask. I still wear underwear'. That's not even f*****g funny
Why is it that calling a man "insecure" is an insult? If a woman is insecure, she gets sympathy. If a man is insecure, he gets mocked. Why the double standard?
My ex actually said this, and more than once: "I know a lot about women and I know a lot about sex." For the record, he knew a lot about how to manipulate women, and almost nothing about sex.
It's insisting men have to be secure in their musicality also judging men... like yes, these are annoying behaviors but it seems to follow the, "you're not a real man if" paradigm we are trying to get away from.
I'm very secure in my musicality! BTW, I'm definitely not a flute player!!
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Omg, there is so much toxic masculinity in these comments
If someone tries something new and fail, insecure men won't stop mocking about. Just because they don't dare to jump in and maybe fail too
It is always ok to try something new and fail, after all a lot of things take practice. Unless you're trying Skydiving, Then you might not want to fail.
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And what came of it? My guess is nothing because i don't insult or attack people. I only show my disagreement.
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Aren’t we mixing a bit of misanthropy here? Ok clearly some of these behaviours are unacceptable, some childish, but not all. Imagine a post ‘signs a woman is insecure about her femininity’ decrying that woman can’t take honest opinion about the size of their butt?
Whataboutism should have been on this list. The whole purpose of the article was to call out the toxic masculinity that men are taught, not to rank on men in general. And, personally, I would welcome an article that similarly called out toxic femininity. For example, to my mind, expecting the man to always pay is toxic femininity. If you're not a prostitute, why are you always expecting men to pay for your time?
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Wowow very generic conclusions in this thread. Things are not always about the person being sexist racist sexually insecure etc. For example if a person gets annoyed by losing to a girl, they might also be the kind of person to get annoyed losing to a guy, it doesn't instantly make them masculinely insecure. They can just be a stubborn person / sore loser in general. And the guy paying vs girl paying can be more about societal shame rather than masculinity issue etc etc.
You are intentionally being the A**hole troll on this thread. Everyone knows you are just trying to get attention. If you don't like this thread than get the F out of here. You wasted SO MUCH TIME being an absolute idiot. Your comments make you look absolutely insure-get a F*CKING life.
Load More Replies... You know how to tell when someone is insecure? When they make comments like elStiJneriNO.
I think it is less about their insecurity and more about their lack of skill when if comes to trolling. It is an art. Give poor old elStiJneriNO time to perfect it.
Load More Replies... When you feel the need to comment on pictures about insecure men defending the behavior they're talking about...
Maybe they wanted to get a list the easy way for part 2...because if so, it sure worked.
Load More Replies... So annoying browsing through a lot of pictures, when it easily just could've been text.
Online profiles when their picture is them pulling their shirt up. No. Thank. You.
Cant stand it when assholes like that dickhead the situation is talked about and he has his shirt pulled up.
Load More Replies... I would have added dealing with rejection: if they curse you to the moon and back because you politely decline their request to dance with them because they „could have asked anyone in the club“ 😂 those guys have issues...
Dismissed James seems awfully familiar.......funny, seeing as punished Edward was removed from BP, and along comes dismissed James with the same attitude and vernacular. Coincidence? Time will tell :)
Personally, I blame the parents. If they hadn't given their sons such false representations of what it means to be a man and that they can be confident in themselves while refraining from being too macho, half of these guys wouldn't make themselves look complete idiots to the people around them.
You can tell that guy is insecure, when he's interrupting you mid-sentence and ends it for you. Ugh, nothing drive me nuts than this. Also, when they're "betting" with you over some life stories. Just share it, we don't have to throw them like cards on the table. Also telling not-so-nice things about your clothes, or clothes in store, just because they doesn't look "manly" to him. I have loads of examples tbh
I almost certainly have more examples than you
Load More Replies... I totally missed the point on SOME of these. Are they saying that men aren't entitled to have their own opinions, likes and dislikes?
Jesus Christ, this comments section does not pass the vibe check. Y’all (you know who I’m talking about) need to go see a therapist, like right f*****g now.
Has anyone else noticed that the comment censoring is starting to get excessive? Most of the time I don't agree with the opinion being censored, but I don't find them offensive or inappropriate. Personally, I support the right of free speech and varied opinions, even when I disagree with those opinions. It gives us a chance to see things from a different point of veiw and is the first step toward understanding and accepting each other's differences. I feel like censorship can actually fuel divisiveness rather than safeguard from it.
Too many topics about the same subject, it is already... boring. When we will have something about "how do we know when a woman is not secure about her feminity"? :)))
Insecurity about your gender is a much bigger problem for men, as society puts so many restrictions to the concept of "masculinity". Being a tom-boy is not a problem for most women, but many men suffer if they are perceived as "unmanly". (Women have other problems of course, and there are lots of threads about them on Bored Panda.)
Load More Replies... Posts like this always draw out the bigots/general purpose morons. I’m aware of the massive difference, but one often comes hand in hand with the other.
I had a boss at a terrible job once refuse to take any cold medication when he was clearly sick because "only girls can't handle a cold! Men can tough it out!" Like seriously? You wanna sneeze and cough all over all the shared work equipment to "be a man"?
As a boyish lesbian I have experienced insecure men a time or two. The insecure types act as though I'm trying to be a man or that I'm attempting to be tougher than they are. Neither are true. I'm totally fine being a woman and I am also fine with someone-male or female-being tougher than I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone so by all means out "man" me because I will let you win. I get along best with men typically but there's those few who have to be bad.
This is really interesting when paired with the article about false beauty standards for men. Perhaps it's a fear of not meeting those standards, consciously or unconsciously, that makes men insecure, and that in turn drives negative behaviors.
On online profiles when they post a picture of them lifting their shirt up. No. Thank. You.
When a girl asks another dude on a date and they all start teasing him.
When they make the 'big nose not excuse for not wearing mask. I still wear underwear'. That's not even f*****g funny
Why is it that calling a man "insecure" is an insult? If a woman is insecure, she gets sympathy. If a man is insecure, he gets mocked. Why the double standard?
My ex actually said this, and more than once: "I know a lot about women and I know a lot about sex." For the record, he knew a lot about how to manipulate women, and almost nothing about sex.
It's insisting men have to be secure in their musicality also judging men... like yes, these are annoying behaviors but it seems to follow the, "you're not a real man if" paradigm we are trying to get away from.
I'm very secure in my musicality! BTW, I'm definitely not a flute player!!
Load More Replies... Omg, there is so much toxic masculinity in these comments
If someone tries something new and fail, insecure men won't stop mocking about. Just because they don't dare to jump in and maybe fail too
It is always ok to try something new and fail, after all a lot of things take practice. Unless you're trying Skydiving, Then you might not want to fail.
Load More Replies... And what came of it? My guess is nothing because i don't insult or attack people. I only show my disagreement.
Load More Replies... Aren’t we mixing a bit of misanthropy here? Ok clearly some of these behaviours are unacceptable, some childish, but not all. Imagine a post ‘signs a woman is insecure about her femininity’ decrying that woman can’t take honest opinion about the size of their butt?
Whataboutism should have been on this list. The whole purpose of the article was to call out the toxic masculinity that men are taught, not to rank on men in general. And, personally, I would welcome an article that similarly called out toxic femininity. For example, to my mind, expecting the man to always pay is toxic femininity. If you're not a prostitute, why are you always expecting men to pay for your time?
Load More Replies... Wowow very generic conclusions in this thread. Things are not always about the person being sexist racist sexually insecure etc. For example if a person gets annoyed by losing to a girl, they might also be the kind of person to get annoyed losing to a guy, it doesn't instantly make them masculinely insecure. They can just be a stubborn person / sore loser in general. And the guy paying vs girl paying can be more about societal shame rather than masculinity issue etc etc.
You are intentionally being the A**hole troll on this thread. Everyone knows you are just trying to get attention. If you don't like this thread than get the F out of here. You wasted SO MUCH TIME being an absolute idiot. Your comments make you look absolutely insure-get a F*CKING life.
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