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When a man hesitates to hug male friends in public or sweats at the mere thought of carrying a female friend’s purse for her, it makes you wonder how come this is such a big deal. But while we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, some of these unexplainable behaviors can reveal a way bigger picture.

People say it has to do with some men being insecure about their masculinity. How come? Well, it’s the fear of losing one's status as a “real man” in other people’s eyes, which makes the guy think he would be looked at as tenuous. There’s an old-fashioned belief that a man has to earn his status through proof of action, or a test of some sort, that makes him the man he really is. And although many men are aware of the fact that this is not how gender works, some still follow this ancient notion of manhood.

So when a TikToker @richtiktoxic asked people “What is something that men do that lets you know their insecure about their masculinity?” his video went viral with 1.1M views. “I’ll go first. As soon as a man refers to himself as an alpha, you know he’s insecure,” said Rich and passed the baton onto other people on social media who had a lot to say on the topic.

@richtiktoxic

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Edward Shaw
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe the word "Alpha" has just replaced the word "Arsehole".

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Bored Panda reached out to the author of the video named Richard, better known by his TikTok handle @rich.tik.toxic. Rich is a successful online content creator and journalist with 333.7k TikTok followers who was happy to answer some questions for us. When asked how Rich got the idea to ask people about the signs of insecure masculinity, the author said that “the video that sparked this entire debate was one created by my good friend Brittany Guzman (@_brittguz on TikTok).”

“It was a reference to a study done in the UK regarding the prevalence of sexual harassment. She encountered an incredible amount of hate comments simply for referencing a study. Men made it known they were unhappy with her bringing this data to light; so much so that at one point I think her video had 100 likes and 1000 comments,” Rich explained.

#3

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

toxicatok Report

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Brendan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love that my wife earns more; it means we have more money. Who cares you which of you has the higher paycheck?

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“In comparison,” he continued: “most videos have five to ten times more likes than comments. If you are not a man who sexually harasses women, why would you be triggered by this study? I realized it's because 'being a man' has become the defining characteristic of men’s self-identity.”

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Rich also said that “Pointing out how problematic typical male behavior has become is perceived by men as a personal attack.” According to him, “until men can realize that their biological sex is no more than a scientific category, they’ll be unable to truly define their self-identity.”

#5

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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daraholsters avatar
Dana Dara
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like this question does matter. There is a lifestyle/personality difference between a woman who’s slept with a couple of men and one that’s slept with like 100. If you answer and the guy shames you, that’s one thing. If you ask him and he says his number being high is different than yours being high, that’s bs. But asking in itself isn’t toxic.

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Speaking of the answers he received, Rich said a few of them caught him by surprise, “more so because of how accurate and detailed many of the responses were. Just about all of these behaviors are the manifestation of outdated societal norms that men are told to abide by.”

“Things like driving a lifted truck, unnecessary assertions of dominance, and disliking anything feminine were common responses. Those behaviors seem so ridiculous when looked at from an objective standpoint.”

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blue1steven avatar
Donkey boi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Me and my wife blame each other for everything as a... sort-of-joke (I don't really want to use 'Joke' but can't think of another word that fits). She farts, then says 'Babe that's disgusting!' and I say 'sorry'. I'll forget to put something away, then say, 'Oh Darling, you've left this stuff everywhere!' and She'll say 'Sorry. Can you deal with it for me now?'

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“The beauty of the time we live in is that you get to be whoever you want,” Rich said and added: “Don't do yourself the injustice of using outdated gender stereotypes and norms to create your identity. Stop putting value in the contemporary ideals of what is masculine and what is feminine.”

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“Masculinity is defined,” he concluded, “as having the traits of someone who identifies as a man. If you identify as a man, you are already masculine. You get to decide what masculinity means for you.”

#9

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JXXXF
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone who has ever played team sports and had to have a communal shower knows the foot/p*nis size thing is a myth... in fact, its more of an insecurity from those who have big feet but are ashamed of the size of their manhood...

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mariecraycrayjackson avatar
Queen Jackson.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, if you tell a friend you’re bisexual and the first thing they wonder is if you like them or have a crush on them, think about that. Not telling you what to do, but just think about it.

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Rich’s TikTok audience is expanding rapidly, but he assured us that he never wanted to be an influencer. “Even calling myself an influencer feels so ridiculous. I was always the person behind the camera. I worked with a few social media celebrities when I was starting as a photographer and videographer creating viral content on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram,” the author confessed.

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dmumpitz avatar
Mojones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't this when they don't want to date trans girls, only born girls? Makes sense for me to give it a name.

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Deborah B
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Speaking as someone currently on her period, I can confirm that periods are gross. And man, woman, or other, any one is entitled to be grossed out by used sanitary products or menstrual blood left on the loo seat. That said, unused sanitary supplies are not gross, and a man secure in his masculinity should not hesitate to buy them for the women in his life if requested to do so.

luisa_vasconcelos avatar
Legen ( wait for it ) dary
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im a woman and I agree with this. Periods are gross. Or you thinking while changing your pad that periods are so cool and fun and not gross at all ?

summer-petre avatar
Autumn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're gross, but it doesn't help when men make a big deal about something that isn't really their business.

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rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"So is giving birth, but your mother did it. How did you think you came into the world?"

jwsmythe avatar
JW Smythe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being that women kinda freak out when I accidentally cut myself, and blood drips on stuff, I think we're on equal terms. People don't generally like seeing blood, wherever it's coming from. As long as we all do our best to keep it cleaned up, we're all good. And, ya, I've bought feminine products at the store for women I've been with. It's not a big deal either. Guys refusing to buy them are weird. It's not like the cashier is going to look at him and say "oh, you're really a woman? Nice beard, Karen."

ddw2945 avatar
Curry on...
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not gross, but not a walk in the park with sunshine and butterflies either. It's a natural part of life.

kjorn avatar
kjorn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

sorry... but i think most woman find it gross too and be really happy to get ride of those.

ceegspam avatar
CLG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Look how frequently elStiJneriNO is triggered by these. I wonder what that means? I SIMPLY WONDER.

jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a really quick and easy way for me to identify a man I want nothing to do with. I have no interest in dating 11 year olds, whatever age body they happen to live in.

inkslingerkate avatar
M Kate McCulloch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a good sentence to know that this guy knows absolutely nothing whatsoever about human physiology and is unlikely to be able to find your clitoris either - even though it's right there! Right out there!!

anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, well, the ancient smegma accumulating underneath your unwashed foreskin is far more gross and offensive, Karl.

infectedvoice avatar
InfectedVoice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Periods are gross but they don't gross me out, so is any waste product expulsion from the human body gross, male or female.

nehebkau0455 avatar
Šu Ma
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

funny. women think periods are gross too. but when a man says it, he is a chauvinist, a pig and insecure. i had sex w/ my gf-s while on period if they'd allow it, wasn't disgusted or anything, but i believe many men would be.

axception avatar
PanCott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What does this have to do with "insecurity" and "masculinity"? :D Some people find it gross, both men and women.

clarissa-h-unpronounceable avatar
Easily Excitable Panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can think of things that come out of men's bodies that are far, far grosser.

blue1steven avatar
Donkey boi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think celery is gross, there are some that will think celery is perfectly natural, but I still think it's gross! But that's not the point of this post! It doesn't matter if you think periods are gross or not. The point is, if a woman shares that she is on her period, your response shouldn't be 'Eww, that's gross'.

dmumpitz avatar
Mojones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"A good sailor even swims in the red sea" my grandpa used to say.

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Felype Rennan
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

backatya7 avatar
backatya
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah they aren't delicious. Any fluids coming out of a human is gross, male or female

9unicorn avatar
Mickie Shea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

By all means be den'n him the opportunity to observe one in a meaningful action.

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moeless
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Heck, I've been below deck more than once at that time. It's like shooting, placement is everything.

tep9966 avatar
Dragon girl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't get grossed out by my periods all the time, just when they were really messy. Nor am I insecure to buy condoms and lube at the drug store; its life.

afinside84 avatar
J Sizz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's the point of having a sword if you're not gonna get it bloody....

dillonhughes avatar
Dillon Hughes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would love to hear someone argue that bleeding out of a sexual organ is pretty! Just something is gross dosent mean it's bad. Like pooping, gross but nessary

stijn_vlas avatar
elStiJneriNO
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

and on top, it's also a good sentence to trigger women insecurities

lobo1991 avatar
Pedro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, you're the most insecure commenter here right now. Your mom must really be proud of you. You should show her this.

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“However, my life's goal has always been to do everything possible to save the planet. As I got older, I started to realize that without copious amounts of money, the only way I could have a substantial impact would be to put myself both behind and in front of the camera. That's when I started utilizing everything I had learned in the years creating content for influencers for my own content.”

#15

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

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Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I need one of those insecure men as a referee this morning. Hubby and I are fighting over who gets to wear the forest green sweater in the Zoom meeting.

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Viviane
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I'd share with you, but I know tough guys don't eat chocolate." Yum, I get the whole box to myself.

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Brendan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to admit that, in my teenage years, I denied liking anything feminine (such as rom coms and soppy love songs). I now look back and laugh at the old me.

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Rich believes that as much as virality hinges on luck, “the only people that get lucky creating viral videos are the ones actively trying to create them. Fight to get to the front of the line so you have the highest chance of actually getting what you want,” he concluded.

#19

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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Donkey boi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm on the fence. I understand who this is targeting (the same people that say 'all lives matter'), but the phrase doesn't belong to one group and one subject matter alone. A girl at work has just split up from her boyfriend, she says 'All men are arseholes' I say, 'most of them, yeah', But when she asks me why all men cheat, I will say, 'Not all men, just the ones you've dated so far.'

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#20

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Donkey boi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a former heavy drinker, I can quite happily say that the best alcoholic drinks are the one that don't taste like your drinking alcohol. If you like the taste, drink it! But please drink responsibly.

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#22

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had that tried on me, but I have a killer grip strength so they only try it once :) still hurts tho! (Edit: my legs are ok-ish for walking and not much else, So I do most chores purely on arm strength where possible, hence crazy grip. One of my only physical strengths ^-^)

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#23

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jasiah.official Report

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Jaekry
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men can wear whatever they want; nice clothes, nice shoes, nice haistyles, nice rings, nice jewelry, nice nails. You know,... like ALL ppl... ;)

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#25

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JXXXF
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

European here, unpopular opinion here... I just don't get the US obsession with trucks full stop... they are ugly, slow, poorly made, a massive waste of space, drive awfully and almost everyone who has one just uses it for their commute or to pop down to Walmart...

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#26

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Bobert Robertson
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait what? People don't like when a woman compliments them on their appearance? It's nice to hear from anyone, male or female, that you look good today

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JXXXF
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry but stating their opinion is fine, taking it further by trying to belittle them or make fun of them is where the line is crossed...

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