Women Reveal What Innocent Behaviors They Had To Change In Fear Of Sending Men The Wrong Message
Can you imagine keeping your friendly comments like compliments to yourself so that a person of the opposite gender wouldn’t get the wrong impression? Well, if you’re a woman, you probably know it very well. Because sadly, many women out there have had to change their customs, behaviors, and gestures in such a way that men won’t have a chance to interpret them the way they want.
And this thread on r/AskReddit has given this very common, yet little talked-about practice a much-needed spotlight. “What innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear you might be mistaken for leading men on?” someone asked and the sea of answers came flooding in.
From totally muting any signs of general affection to avoiding eating bananas in public, and making sure you bend your knees and squat down when picking something up from the ground, it’s incredible how women have to put up with men’s egos on a daily basis in order to protect themselves. Or is it all just overthinking? Hit us in the comment section and share what you think of it!
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Mentioning that I have a girlfriend, weirdly enough. You know how saying you have a boyfriend is normally pretty good for making guys go away? Well, saying you have a girlfriend just leads to a bunch of gross questions and offers of "if you're ever looking for a threesome, hit me up" (gag). Like what, does this guy think I'll go home and excitedly tell my gal pal, "Guess what? I met a guy at a bar, and, you won't believe this, he wants to have SEX with BOTH of us!! What a rare and exciting offer, we need to take him up on this!"
I think this is because guys watch too much porn. They think that's how the real world works. "Lesbians" in one porno might be seen having a threesome with a guy in another porno. This makes guys think lesbians might be interested in them too
Trying to politely decline their advances. Sometimes I have to be rude just for them to get the point.
Asking a question or giving them a compliment.
But the worst thing is when I've walked back to my car alone and in the dark. I'd been out that day and was wearing cute and kind of revealing clothes. A guy followed me from the train station to where I'd parked (about 10 minutes), and when I got in my car he started to yell at me for leading him on. We hadn't spoken, but we'd made eye contact a couple of times on the hour long train ride, which seemed to be enough for him.
I didn't think that the phrase "leading someone along" was so literal, but okay.
Being young.
Turning fifty was the best idea I've ever had.
Except then you get a different kind of guy giving you too much attention
If I have to pick something off the ground I bend my legs and squat down to do it so it doesn't look like I'm showing off my a*s, even though it'd be a lot easier to just bend down.
Let's just say I don't eat bananas in public anymore.
Ah I had a friend eat one like this in public in Uni. She found a guy to make eye contact with and started suggestively eating the banana, then when she was sure she had his attention she took the most vicious bite out of it she could and we could have sworn he actually flinched.
I gradually stopped going to our local board games community after several people hinted that I was doing it to get male attention and find a "nerdy boyfriend."
That was pretty soulcrushing. I just genuinely loved board games.
Get a group of girls together and go. I have had the best time with students and their friends playing at the local games shop
Today, apparently, I shouldn't have carried a nightstand down the street. It was a little awkward but not heavy at all, and some dude came up to me and tried to take it from my hands, unasked. I held onto it and told him, "no thanks." He kept pulling on it. I had to ask him to let go. When I said "Jesus Christ" he went on, "oh, like it was such a bad thing." Yes, dude, that was absolutely a bad way to try to help someone out. You don't take something from someone's hands unbidden if you actually want to help them. Frankly, you pulling a medium-large object from my grasp makes me think you're trying to steal from me or con me.
Thats odd behaviour from anyone. If he tried it with another guy he'd get his head rearranged
Whenever I'm talking with a guy, I'm always super conscious about not mentioning too soon or too late that I have a significant other. Too soon, and it's 'jeez, I was just making conversation!' Too late, and it's 'jeez, way to lead me on!' Thankfully, since becoming engaged, this is less and less of a problem, as my ring sort of speaks for itself on its own.
I had this dilemma this summer at a wedding. I was talking to a younger man (yes, when you're nearly 40, they all seem so young) and I was there wondering "should I tell him I have kids and a man that I'm very happy with"? And then I said nothing.... I thought "f**k, chill, it's only a conversation".
Being in shape. Many men think that women get in shape solely to impress them, so fitness is like an open invitation for unsolicited attention.
Acknowledging that I recognized any of my male 'regulars' back when I worked at retail.
Seems like good customer service, right? Remembering that Joe always gets 3 packs of reds or Mac gets a six-pack on days [Sports team] is playing away, or asking Jake how his car rebuild is coming.
Yeah, that's how I got stalked, followed home, and threatened verbally with rape when I explained that I'd only ever been professionally friendly. The cops dismissed the matter because it was he said /she said (Jake said I'd invited him over) and no damage had been done , my coworker/roommate cheerfully told them how friendly I'd been with Jake whenever he came into the store, and my employer refused to ban him.
Sad and dangerous. Let's wait till someone get hurt or worse than somebody will maybe do something. I'm sorry that's how it goes. Hope you found better job. I know money is money but force people to serve someone who already showed aggression towards employee is terrible.
Not accepting any favor from a man. No rides. No coffees. Avoid avoid. It sucks.
SO MUCH THIS. My garage door broke and I was having to lift it manually to put my car in an out for a few days. One of my neighbors offered to help me fix it and I accepted the help then he started showing up at my door at random times to visit and became VERY angry when I told him I wasn't interested. I will struggle by myself everyday before I accept from a man again.
there was that time when i was eleven and i started needing a training bra and my teacher gave me a weird talk about keeping bra straps hidden at all times? i didn't even know how to properly adjust the straps so they wouldnt slide and i really didn't need Mr. N's bra strap advice as an impressionable eleven year old
It's so creepy a teacher would notice a kid's bra straps and then talk to them about it. Ew.
I don't let on to any guys I just met that I'm into gaming, especially if I know they're gamers too. There's still this stereotype floating around the gaming community that women who game are a rarity or they're not really a gamer, just a slut trying to get male attention. So if I bring up gaming early on I usually get one of two responses: either the guy keeps hitting on me relentlessly or I get the Gaming Pop Quiz. Any woman who plays games knows exactly what the Gaming Pop Quiz is.
There's also a third option which happens way less often, but I've experienced it all the same: guy just outright becomes hostile, like I've dared to step foot in the boys only clubhouse or something. In all of my 20+ years of gaming that's only happened to me twice, though.
And just a disclaimer: most of the guys I meet while I'm actually gaming are cool dudes. For some reason I only get this behavior out in the wild.
I love it when I meet anyone who is a gamer regardless if they are female or not I just wanna talk about games what games do you play are you excited for this game or DLC thats coming out
I work retail. So I've had to stop wearing makeup, stop smiling, and entirely stop being polite. Because as soon as I smile and say "how are you today?" I get told he's going to "take me out to dinner and put me in lacy panties," and then goes to my coworkers to find out what time I clock out.
Showing any kind of concern for a guy. Like if you have a guy friend that looks sad and you try to be a good friend and comfort them that's seen as flirting somehow. (plus most of the stuff everyone else posted)
Well I've taken to dressing like a hobo so men don't think of me as a sexual being. I get treated like "that guy who wears baggy clothing and has long hair".... it's alright
My best friend used to go to piano lessons as a young girl. And always wondered what happened to the other girl that had lessons before her, she used to dress up so girly and nice, and all of a sudden she started wearing saggy ugly clothes. Sad and scary if you think about it.
Playing with my hair, many things actually, some dudes think every single thing a female does is because she wants him.
In my experience you can't treat most male friends the same as female friends. I want you to succeed at life because you're my friend and I care about you. Most dudes would read way too far into it, it's f*cking annoying. I don't want to have to analyse everything I say to the opposite sex to make sure nothing I say makes them believe I'm leading them on in any way.
I like being a "mother hen" kind of thing, I like feeding people and making sure they are ok, ie I make birthday cakes for any friends who don't get one. I wish more people saw it that way and not some f*cked up version. Just because I am nice does not mean I'm in love you, I am only trying to treat you like a decent human being.
I play with my hair because of general anxiety, constantly doing something with my hands is just something I've always done, for job interviews I have to wear my hair back so I'm not messing with it, I'm not f*cking flirting.
This got kind of long, but yeah some dudes are just crazy.
Oh god, the hair thing. I twirl my hair, they think I'm flirting. Nervous habbit.
Like general affection, even with hugs and compliments I'm pretty reserved unless our relationship is clearly drawn out and we both know that nothing is being implied
Licking or biting my lips. Used to stick my tongue out when I was concentrating on something, that went out the window real quick. Sucks having to be overly-conscious of unconscious facial movements, even chewing on a pen is risky.
Oh yeah and no licking ice cream cones in public. Ever.
Smiling, being alone with men, physical contact of any kind, even just sweeping lint or crumbs off of their sleeves, eye contact, dressing comfortably, wearing even relatively tight shirts, touching my hair when nervous, moistening my lips with my tongue while talking...
Honestly, nearly stopped interacting with men in general, as my bust size is used as an excuse to claim I was flirting.
Along the same lines of all these--making new guy friends. I have a lot in common with guys, but almost every guy I've befriended has asked me out at some point, and after I decline (as nicely as possible) they don't want to be my friend anymore.
So I've come to assume that guys don't want girl friends. They want girlfriends. And so my boyfriend is basically my only friend. Being a pretty, boyish girl is a lonely life.
I'm a guy and I've experienced this with girls too. I know this mostly happens to girls but I just wanted to point out that it happens to guys too and share a little bit of my experience. I've had a bunch of female friends that flirted with me and would send me unsolicited lewd photos of themselves because I gave them attention. Because i was friendly and paid attention to them and would remember little things they'd normally expect a guy to forget. I'd give them compliments because I'm trying to boost their confidence, not because I was trying to flirt. This counts as flirting to some women. Human interactions can be pretty complicated. Being nice can be seen as flirting by men or women. It really just depends on the individual
I used to always greet everyone with a smile and happy eyes. Either a nod or a quick 'hello'. But I got hit on way too often while doing that, to the point where they kept following me. I'm just trying to be polite dammit
Or looking at their face, saying thank you, and smiling when they hold a door open for you. I've been followed through several stores by guys because obviously, I was flirting with them. Now I just look down, say thank you, and walk away. After I explained this to my husband he doesn't get irritated when women don't say thank you when he holds the door for them. He had no idea that kind of thing happened to women.
Just generally being nice and outgoing? Seriously. It would lead to advances and if I wasn't interested it lead to physical assault.
Now I don't talk anyone I don't know. I'm very intentionally cold. I now have friends/coworkers that know me well enough get mad at me for being standoffish and intimidating....at least no one messes with me now
I've had to deliberately force myself to stop squeeing or smiling at puppies being walked by single men who aren't obviously gay, because of the frequency with which interest in the puppy gets interpreted as interest in the human.
During my pre-pubescent years I had a lot of male and female friends and I found it easy to talk to both genders because I treated both the same way--as if they were full people deserving of my interest and attention during a conversation. During the teenage years I realized that more and more of my male friends started dropping off because they assumed that my friendship meant that I was really in love with them. In early adulthood I became apprehensive to even start friendships with men and as a mid-20s adult I am apprehensive to even hold deep conversations with men lest they expect something in return. Sure, I'll do small talk and am friendly but I won't ever let you know me or try to get to know you unless I know for SURE that you're not one of those guys who thinks that women are incapable of holding an engaged conversation unless they crave the D.
I’ve learned a skill that let’s women know I’m not that kind of person. It’s called “stupidly low self-confidence.” (Before you all downvote me or give me sympathy, just know that I am joking (well, half joking, my confidence is pretty low))
I've stopped getting lunch with male coworkers. I go into it thinking, "Yay! I've finally found a lunch buddy!"
But they don't really want to be my lunch buddy... and that hurt. It feels like I've lost a potential friend... Like this person doesn't actually think of me with the respect I thought they did.
And then it's awkward for a few weeks and I eat alone in my car again.
It happened more than once so I just stopped agreeing to lunches with guys at work unless it's with a group.
I have learned not to make eye contact with men in public places or on the street. 89% of the time they think its an invitation to hit on me. No sir. I just looked up for a second. Please keep walking.
Smiling. I'm a naturally smiley person and smile when I talk to people just to be friendly, but I have to be careful about it if I notice a guy taking it the wrong way. I had a coworker who took it way, way too far and I ended up having to show him a picture of my ex-boyfriend and I together and buy a cheap ring to wear to get him to back off. All because I smiled when I talked to him.
I'm thinking more in terms of social media, but I've found if a guy messages me and I send back so much as a polite 'hello' that guy will never leave me alone. Every couple months he'll pop up trying to start a conversation, usually being rude or lewd, long after I've stopped messaging him. Last time it happened the guy had been trying this for a while and right now I'm 7 months pregnant and in a serious relationship and I just went off on him. It's so sad that it has to come to that. And I know it's just a few delusional, ridiculous guys that do this but Jesus...what on Earth makes them think this behavior is ever going to get them anywhere?
Whatever happened to just blocking people? As a rule I never reply to random guys who message me on SM and especially not when I am in a relationship. I just block them. I've also had a few losers message me inappropriately in LinkedIn - they were immediately blocked and reported.
I wear sunglasses all the time outside, even when raining. When I'm not wearing them, I look down alot around men. I have very blue eyes and get too many creepy comments from men. It's easier to hide them
My 4 year old son is interested in everything. When we see someone doing a job, he asks me about it. I encourage him to ask the person doing it instead of me explaining while standing next to him/her. I want him to learn to ask people questions and not default to mom, when it's appropriate of course. It is surprising the number of men who seem to think me encouraging my son to ask them a question (e.g. What is that tool called? Why is it loud?) is my way of flirting. No, I want to teach my child...
I don't ask random men for directions anymore.
One time I was taking the greyhound bus for the first time by myself. Asked a random guy where the line for where I wanted to go was. He didn't know but he was also looking for the same line. We agreed to look together (why not?) and ended up sitting next to each other and chatting.
2 hours into the 5 hour bus ride he says he's "tired" and then falls asleep. Wraps his arm around me while he's "asleep" and then starts kissing my neck. I was so uneasy and scared in that moment bc I didn't know how he'd react to me pushing him off and I didn't want to make a scene. Also the seats were all full, half with actual sleeping people so switching wasn't really an option. I was leaning almost fully into the aisle to get away from him.
Eventually he "woke up" and THEN asked if I had a boyfriend and wanted to date him. I promptly turned him down and listened to music for the next 3 awkward as hell hours
Not me, but my little sister started dressing as the stereotypical butch lesbian when she went off to college. Said that it made things a little easier.
I'm still not sure how to respond.
When I lost a lot of weight I realized one effect was that I didn't smile hardly at all any more, and theorized that it had to do with not needing to please people as much... Until someone way smarter than me told me I was doing what sexually attractive women often have to do and muting my social responses for fear of giving men the wrong idea. Ya gotta be safe.
It is a benefit of being heavier. Men either don't see you or see you as ugly. It is simultaneously freeing and annoying.
Having men as good friends. Had too many 'nice guy' experiences with men, after years of friendship and making it clear that I wasn't interested in more than friendship, losing their sh*t after finally realising that I meant it.
Just about everything friendly
I have cut my hair short, acted more boyish, bought longer skirts if I wear them at all and if I do wear shorter skirts you best be sure I'm wearing opaque tights. If I'm at a bar I make sure I go with someone. If I walk to my car at night and I feel slightly uncomfortable I ask if someone would mind walking with me. If I get any slight vibe that some random guy is into me and is somewhat aggressive I immediately reject them and find a buddy. If a guy asks me to come up to his apartment it will absolutely lead to sex unless I shut it down at the beginning.
Offer male friends a my couch to crash on if they're drunk or visiting from out of town. Sorry, dudes, but unless you're accompanied by a SO you're out of luck. Similarly, no crashing at a male friend's place. Taxi it home or avoid drinking.
How about doing something without warning? I made the mistake of saying out loud I was cold, and got a jacket from a complete stranger man almost forcibly put on me. I went the awkward route and practically ran away, saying, 'No thanks' to avoid it being put on my body.
I lent a cold coworker my hoody once, but it was "here, take my hoody" and off I went, pretty obvious my intentions were platonic, and I rarely wore it anyway as I'm always warm. She has about 5 layers on!
I'm a cashier. When I get customers that seem like they're a couple I don't look at the man at all. When I get a male customer I try to be friendly but not too friendly to prevent accidentally leading them on.
Hang out with a guy, one-on-one. When inviting a man to something, I make sure to invite his SO, his friends, or make it clear that it is a group event. Even working out together is iffy.
I try to minimize my interactions with men, and keep my sunglasses on and headphones in. Honestly, I spend a lot of time at home because being in public is exhausting.
When I was 13, my dad warned me against talking one-on-one with guys. He said that exclusivity could be interpreted as flirting. So yeah, that I guess.
Not scratching my boob in front of guys, even though it's really itchy.
I'm a southern girl. I call everyone sweetheart, love, darling and hun. And I mean everyone. Even if I hate you, it's "oh, bless your heart darling" haha.
But I've learned that with my male friends, I have to be very careful. As a lesbian, they tend to think that if I call them hun.. that it must mean that they have the magical powers to turn me straight.
I have a few male friends who don't hide the fact that they would love to do the dirty with me. I tend to try not to talk to them a lot because I hate to make them feel like I was leading them on. I tend to make sure with them that I really watch what I call them.
But I mean, it's hard. I don't even remember half of my friend's names sometimes because I am used to calling them terms of endearment.
Men who hang around in hopes you will eventually f**k them are not your friends. Don't waste time and energy on people like this.
Give out my personal phone number to someone I don't know, not even for work events. My cards now have my email and a shared work phone number.
I once offered to do my male friends dishes while at a party at his house. The mother of his 3 week old child was super pissed he invited me and two other friends over, and when I offered to do the dishes bc he kept mentioning how disgusting they were, she almost punched me in the face.
After that I stoned and drunkenly walked to another friends house to sleep. These friends had their band friends from another state coming over to crash, and most of us were sitting on the porch. I commented to the one guy as he was walking inside, "wow! Your pillow looks so comfortable!". Everyone proceeded to tell me how slutty and awful that sounded. Like what the f*ck??? I genuinely just wanted to know where this fluffy pillow came from, and help my friends with a newborn get their house cleaned up.
I just don't speak to any of these people anymore
I wouldn't want some one else to do my dirty dishes either. I would find that embarassing even if you just wanted to help. (which doesn't mean it's ok to hit you)
Accept gifts. Not even if he's traveling to some other country and sending you candy, or sending you something as thanks for a favor you did. Postcards and birthday gifts are acceptable, so far.
I have read stories about online dating where the guy insists on paying and then when he gets no sex he tries to sue the woman for the cost of the date. It was in the news. Sadly twice.
I used to always try and talk to my guy friends and get to know them. I just wanted to be there for them to listen to them vent and genuinely take an interest in what they're saying and give my best advice. They confided in me and I cared about them. 9 times out of 10 the guy would think I wanted more and would try to and take it to the next level and then we'd end up having to stop being friends and it sucked.
Now I don't do that and try my hardest to ignore guy friends that want to talk about their feelings or give them a more generic answer instead of going in depth. Which I feel really bad about when they "need someone to talk to" and I'm the one they reach out to, but I feel like it's better for the both of us.
Don't provide free therapy for dudes. It is unrequited, unappreciated emotional labor. They can find a qualified therapist if they are serious about needing to talk to someone. Otherwise, they are just dumping their traumas on you in hopes of getting a pity f**k.
Honestly, even making conversation, being kind and genuinely interested in what they have to say can be misunderstood as flirting because so few women do it... For fear that they will look like they're flirting.
I don't want to resign myself to ostracising half the human population, so I'm just going to keep being kind and friendly to guys and hopefully it will catch on.
The only inconvenience is that sometimes you have to clarify your intentions, if a guy does (understandably) misinterpret the situation but that gets easy to do after the first couple of times.
Neutral or positive facial expression when looking in the direction of a man, also conversations in general. I no longer socialize with men at all. And I try not to socialize around men either.
This is so sad. Us women can have a lot of fun with men. Just going out, talking, whatever. This world is becoming too cold to my liking. And I'm extremely lucky that most of this sh!t doesn't happen to me. I've had some awful things like stalking and a creep following me at a station but nothing that can give me a trauma. I'm glad I don't have daughters...
I know this seems sad, and honestly I wish there were a better way, but I will almost always find an excuse to not be alone with someone who I can sense has an interest in me while I have none in them. I've just had too many people 'make their move' without just telling me how they feel. As a result, I avoid and that sh*t gets really f*cking difficult sometimes.
Honestly just being a good friend or person and offering to lend an ear to someone who is saying they are going through some sh*t.
Did this just once to a former gaming buddy on ps4. He claimed he was dealing with stuff so I just put out a friendly, "well if you need someone to talk to I'm here". I was raised to be nice and listen to others. Also had a boyfriend at the time and he was well aware of this.
I find out a few days later he blocked me and started to tell everyone that we new mutually that I was a slut and had been hitting on him since day one. Friend of ours came out to tell me upfront what was being said about me, now him and I are best buds and the other guy can go f*ck himself.
But I'm definitely more cautious now with just being nice to people when it comes to online gaming...sucks when you try and just be a good person.
I work at a makeup store. Whenever a couple comes up to my till I make sure I avoid acknowledging the guy because I fear that either the girl is going to think her man is flirting with me or that the man is going to think I'm interested in him. This never used to be a concern until one girl flipped out at her boyfriend for 'flirting' with me. He literally just responded "good" to me asking both of them how they were.
that seems to be a female issue not behaviour leading men on that just sounds like insecure or jealous women not liking it when their partner acknowledges another female how is that a something a guy is doing wrong
I had a girlfriend who would occasionally feel the texture of her colleagues' ties. We had to have a talk about how stroking other men's chests in the office might be misleading.
thats just wrong imagine if it was the other way around a man wanting to feel the texture of what a woman is wearing that would be sexual assault so why would someone assume its acceptable if its a guy I mean how would somebody not take that as a sign of flirting if someone comes up to you and strokes your chest
Growing up with 2 older sisters taught me alot of things than which apparently most of the guys these days never learnt. To respect girls/women & to not assume anything unless they clearly say so. Also that girls can be very violent when angry & that a barbie doll is very painful to be hit with but that's not the point.
Basically - if a woman breaths around 200-300m close to a male, he will somehow see this as leading him on. How can almost all of those bastards to be so selfish, truly believe the world is spinning around them, and whatever a woman does is searching for him - the special one, the nice guy etc. In reality none of us is actually looking for an asshole.
I had to start wearing a slightly padded bra at 18. Because I get cold easily and my nipples were slightly visible beneath my sweater. Never thought of this until my boss started making comments about how nice it is that I'm always so visibly eager to see him. But that i shouldn't "point" it out that obviously. Because it might make him look bad. Asshole, I still get angry about this just thinking about it. Sexualising the fact that he's too cheap to run the heather in winter. And then making remarks about it, claiming I'm trying to seduce him. Jackass.
At work I have to literally bend forward to under a shelf to get a pc of paper from a printer for every customer. It's a registers for contractors. So every one of them tries to look down my top. I can't squat there's no room with the plastic barrier frames for safety. It sucks. But when they make a comment I look for a wedding ring and say "you should save that (compliment) for your wife". They get red but understand I'm doing a job an it's not a bar.
I have to say, most of these issues I experienced while living in the USA. I did not experience them often, if at all, living in Africa and various parts of Europe. There is something in American culture where the dynamics between men and women are really messed up and seem to be about a century behind the rest of the world. I hope the upcoming generation is going to be different.
I'm glad I live in a society where men have the dignity (yep, dignity) AND decency to leave people alone, mind their own business, and if they want to connect with someone, they have the ability to ask the right questions and see what's appropriate and what's not. But I still do understand these entries, because sometimes you do encounter people like that. I'd probably be miserable too if I had one too many of such, or worse encounters.
Reminds me of how I exchanged numbers with a guy I met twice, for all of two hours tops where we barely talked, and he messaged me if he should come over to my place. Or when a divorcing tattoo artists with kids kept messaging me after I got my tattoo done (which the bastard changed without my approval). Could not block them both quickly enough.
This stupidity feeds off itself. I can remember hitting puberty and suddenly not having female friends anymore. The few times that a girl would take any interest in me, i absolutely assumed it meant that she must be interested. i came to understand that that was wrong, and i eventually made back good female friends, but wow, you can't imagine the blow it was to realize that if the ones who are taking any interest in me at all just barely tollerate me, then the ones who are staying away must....what? despise me? be afraid of me? made me feel like utter crap. it's a really screwed up way for men and women to interact and i so hope younger folks are fixing this.
Omg! I couldn't believe this is happening in the most modern country or countries. These dudes parents never teach them how to behave with women?!! Wtf?!
The idiots making such things necessary also hurt the men that don't act that way. Being polite towards a woman already is often seen as flirting, offering help counts as attempt to recieve sex. The actual, silent Nice Guys (not the idiots yelling that they are ones) have an even harder time socializing thanks to such a**heads
Thank god I'm ugly and fat and I can do everything without any problem lol
Asking them to please open a bottle for you. As a kid, I have really messed up my wrists and I also have a chronic illness which affects my joints. Very often, especially during the winter months, I am physically unable to open a twist cap. But God forbid I ask for help from a man.
i dont go anywhere without my husband bc my anxeity would put me in bad situations. the nervous smiling, fidgeting, shyness etc. my social anxeity is gone wen im with him and him being there also means no unwanted conversation. i can deal with staring if im with my husband bc i kno if anyone tried anything they wouldnt make it to me. my husband would stop them before they had the chance.
Now I feel like I have to go out and NOT hit on women HARD... to make up for all the assholes these ladies have to deal with.
Did anyone mention "breathing"? Yeah. How we walk, talk, breathe, dress, do our hair, carry our bag, all that was in the guidebook my mom gave us to "not get negative male attention". Boy goes shirtless, it's okay. Girl wear's a tank top, she's asking fo rrape? WTF? I'm tired.... forgive my rant, I'm tired of hearing that we're still to blame b/c we have not, as a society, taught boys that it's bad to see women as sex objects. .... *sigh*
This was a good post. I love ones like this where various people give their answer to a question. My wish today is that more of the original responders would have used complete sentences for clarity. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I will continue reading the BP comments to help figure out what the sentence fragment answers mean. 🤣
More than a few of these behaviors apply to both sexes. I lost count of how many times in my 20s - 40s I'd had women ask me if I had a GF or was married! I'm sorry but unless you're a sales rep for Tupperware or Mary Kay Cosmetics and you lead with that, it is not an appropriate question. I've even been hit on by other women after I was married (I'm wearing a ring mind you) and when I reply to their advances that I'm married, the response I got back was something like, "that's okay, you can stay married" and then they would continue! WTH? Yes, I know stuff like this happens far more with men, maybe 10x more. I'm just pointing out that it's not always just men.
I must be fatter and uglier than I thought because I've never had any of these problems, especially since it's men who like to remind me that I'm fat and ugly.
I basically acknowledged the existence of the three awkward guys at my college and all of them asked me out. Also at a wedding once and I told a guy he looked super familiar to me(for real), and for the rest of the night he payed a whole lot of attention to me to the point me and my friend had to deny his request to hang out or something, all the while his girlfriend was getting completely wasted. So don't be nice or tell guys they look familiar.
I have read all this from top to bottom and I think it is strange. Either I am very oblivious to my surroundings or I am living in a different world. I try to be open, nice and friendly to other people - well, as open, nice and friendly as Germans get - and I do not have the impression that I could not smile at a man or something like that. Yes, there were some guys who were my friends and then they suddenly wanted more. I said no and that was it. Yes, some random dudes sometimes try to hit on me, I tell them to get lost and that is it. Yes, some wives do not like me being friends with their husbands (although it would have to be a very cold and snowy day in hell if I tried to steal somebody's partner) but that is their problem and I refuse to make it mine. I will not stop treating people friendly and with respect no matter what - there are more genuinely nice people out there than ašsholes, don't let your fears tell you otherwise!
I stopped playing words with friends with anyone I don't know irl. Guys kept challenging me to games and then all they want to do is hit on me in the chat feature. I don't have a profile picture or anything, I just have a woman's name and that's enough for some people
They missed one - talking to a male workmate when he's with his significant other, outside of work. In my younger days, I'd have to do a quick eye contact thing and see how they responded before I could greet them. It's amazing how many I couldn't greet without causing issues in their relationship. Now I'm just old and fat and no threat to anyone. LOL
The smiling and eye contact onces are SO true. I am very comfortable with eye contact and am just so used to greeting people with eye contact and a smile (therapist), so it's second nature. But the creepy dudes can't just leave it. I've actually been more comfortable going out in public with all the mask mandates cause then I don't even have to think about it.
A think a few of these point more to the fact that guys are discouraged from appearing emotionally vulnerable due to certain (ridiculous) stigmas. So when the conversation does happen, they end up seeing it as something intimate when the girl might be used to having those sorts of conversations regularly with friends. This isn't the case for most of these scenarios but I think its worthwhile to mention it as a factor for the few that apply.
Every morning I went into the staff kitchen to put my lunch in the fridge. It was kind of a low fridge, and I usually had to lean over a little to put my lunch in there. Almost every morning, no matter what time I went in to the staff kitchen, one guy would follow me in a few seconds later just as I was leaned over. It got to the point where I didn't bring a lunch that needed to be refrigerated anymore. I had to plan my meals around some man looking at my butt.
Also, I upvoted everyone who shared on this post. Our silence is their power. Be loud. 💜
1. Conduct myself as friendly yet reserved, to avoid being perceived as a creep. 2. Let women bear the onus of rejection. What guy wouldn’t prefer this, besides creeps who revel in their creepiness?
Don’t bother acknowledging any of the trolls cough cough incels . Ladies, ladies ladies ladies. Do not stop being you. We can still have kindness, empathy, amity. But you do not need to be polite. You do not owe anything to anyone. Be a bitch when necessary. Say F off loudly. Tell them to their face in front of other customers they make you uncomfortable and their actions or advances aren’t appropriate. They don’t like you? Oh well, not your problem. You demand respect if you’re being disrespected. You are a human, not a doormat. I purposefully make men feel uncomfortable now. You say some dumb sh*t to me and it gives me license to treat you like the creep you are. Straight up embarrassing them at the bank that the men, and their wives and gfs and children also bank at. When they begin to make me uncomfortable I flip it. How’s Judith? I saw her earlier today, getting ready for Tommy’s soccer game this afternoon? Are you going there now? Lol conversation ends.
I do feel kinda bad for these girls, only meeting douchebags. There are so many kind guys out there, and this s**t makes it sound like they don't exist.
Growing up with 2 older sisters taught me alot of things than which apparently most of the guys these days never learnt. To respect girls/women & to not assume anything unless they clearly say so. Also that girls can be very violent when angry & that a barbie doll is very painful to be hit with but that's not the point.
Basically - if a woman breaths around 200-300m close to a male, he will somehow see this as leading him on. How can almost all of those bastards to be so selfish, truly believe the world is spinning around them, and whatever a woman does is searching for him - the special one, the nice guy etc. In reality none of us is actually looking for an asshole.
I had to start wearing a slightly padded bra at 18. Because I get cold easily and my nipples were slightly visible beneath my sweater. Never thought of this until my boss started making comments about how nice it is that I'm always so visibly eager to see him. But that i shouldn't "point" it out that obviously. Because it might make him look bad. Asshole, I still get angry about this just thinking about it. Sexualising the fact that he's too cheap to run the heather in winter. And then making remarks about it, claiming I'm trying to seduce him. Jackass.
At work I have to literally bend forward to under a shelf to get a pc of paper from a printer for every customer. It's a registers for contractors. So every one of them tries to look down my top. I can't squat there's no room with the plastic barrier frames for safety. It sucks. But when they make a comment I look for a wedding ring and say "you should save that (compliment) for your wife". They get red but understand I'm doing a job an it's not a bar.
I have to say, most of these issues I experienced while living in the USA. I did not experience them often, if at all, living in Africa and various parts of Europe. There is something in American culture where the dynamics between men and women are really messed up and seem to be about a century behind the rest of the world. I hope the upcoming generation is going to be different.
I'm glad I live in a society where men have the dignity (yep, dignity) AND decency to leave people alone, mind their own business, and if they want to connect with someone, they have the ability to ask the right questions and see what's appropriate and what's not. But I still do understand these entries, because sometimes you do encounter people like that. I'd probably be miserable too if I had one too many of such, or worse encounters.
Reminds me of how I exchanged numbers with a guy I met twice, for all of two hours tops where we barely talked, and he messaged me if he should come over to my place. Or when a divorcing tattoo artists with kids kept messaging me after I got my tattoo done (which the bastard changed without my approval). Could not block them both quickly enough.
This stupidity feeds off itself. I can remember hitting puberty and suddenly not having female friends anymore. The few times that a girl would take any interest in me, i absolutely assumed it meant that she must be interested. i came to understand that that was wrong, and i eventually made back good female friends, but wow, you can't imagine the blow it was to realize that if the ones who are taking any interest in me at all just barely tollerate me, then the ones who are staying away must....what? despise me? be afraid of me? made me feel like utter crap. it's a really screwed up way for men and women to interact and i so hope younger folks are fixing this.
Omg! I couldn't believe this is happening in the most modern country or countries. These dudes parents never teach them how to behave with women?!! Wtf?!
The idiots making such things necessary also hurt the men that don't act that way. Being polite towards a woman already is often seen as flirting, offering help counts as attempt to recieve sex. The actual, silent Nice Guys (not the idiots yelling that they are ones) have an even harder time socializing thanks to such a**heads
Thank god I'm ugly and fat and I can do everything without any problem lol
Asking them to please open a bottle for you. As a kid, I have really messed up my wrists and I also have a chronic illness which affects my joints. Very often, especially during the winter months, I am physically unable to open a twist cap. But God forbid I ask for help from a man.
i dont go anywhere without my husband bc my anxeity would put me in bad situations. the nervous smiling, fidgeting, shyness etc. my social anxeity is gone wen im with him and him being there also means no unwanted conversation. i can deal with staring if im with my husband bc i kno if anyone tried anything they wouldnt make it to me. my husband would stop them before they had the chance.
Now I feel like I have to go out and NOT hit on women HARD... to make up for all the assholes these ladies have to deal with.
Did anyone mention "breathing"? Yeah. How we walk, talk, breathe, dress, do our hair, carry our bag, all that was in the guidebook my mom gave us to "not get negative male attention". Boy goes shirtless, it's okay. Girl wear's a tank top, she's asking fo rrape? WTF? I'm tired.... forgive my rant, I'm tired of hearing that we're still to blame b/c we have not, as a society, taught boys that it's bad to see women as sex objects. .... *sigh*
This was a good post. I love ones like this where various people give their answer to a question. My wish today is that more of the original responders would have used complete sentences for clarity. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I will continue reading the BP comments to help figure out what the sentence fragment answers mean. 🤣
More than a few of these behaviors apply to both sexes. I lost count of how many times in my 20s - 40s I'd had women ask me if I had a GF or was married! I'm sorry but unless you're a sales rep for Tupperware or Mary Kay Cosmetics and you lead with that, it is not an appropriate question. I've even been hit on by other women after I was married (I'm wearing a ring mind you) and when I reply to their advances that I'm married, the response I got back was something like, "that's okay, you can stay married" and then they would continue! WTH? Yes, I know stuff like this happens far more with men, maybe 10x more. I'm just pointing out that it's not always just men.
I must be fatter and uglier than I thought because I've never had any of these problems, especially since it's men who like to remind me that I'm fat and ugly.
I basically acknowledged the existence of the three awkward guys at my college and all of them asked me out. Also at a wedding once and I told a guy he looked super familiar to me(for real), and for the rest of the night he payed a whole lot of attention to me to the point me and my friend had to deny his request to hang out or something, all the while his girlfriend was getting completely wasted. So don't be nice or tell guys they look familiar.
I have read all this from top to bottom and I think it is strange. Either I am very oblivious to my surroundings or I am living in a different world. I try to be open, nice and friendly to other people - well, as open, nice and friendly as Germans get - and I do not have the impression that I could not smile at a man or something like that. Yes, there were some guys who were my friends and then they suddenly wanted more. I said no and that was it. Yes, some random dudes sometimes try to hit on me, I tell them to get lost and that is it. Yes, some wives do not like me being friends with their husbands (although it would have to be a very cold and snowy day in hell if I tried to steal somebody's partner) but that is their problem and I refuse to make it mine. I will not stop treating people friendly and with respect no matter what - there are more genuinely nice people out there than ašsholes, don't let your fears tell you otherwise!
I stopped playing words with friends with anyone I don't know irl. Guys kept challenging me to games and then all they want to do is hit on me in the chat feature. I don't have a profile picture or anything, I just have a woman's name and that's enough for some people
They missed one - talking to a male workmate when he's with his significant other, outside of work. In my younger days, I'd have to do a quick eye contact thing and see how they responded before I could greet them. It's amazing how many I couldn't greet without causing issues in their relationship. Now I'm just old and fat and no threat to anyone. LOL
The smiling and eye contact onces are SO true. I am very comfortable with eye contact and am just so used to greeting people with eye contact and a smile (therapist), so it's second nature. But the creepy dudes can't just leave it. I've actually been more comfortable going out in public with all the mask mandates cause then I don't even have to think about it.
A think a few of these point more to the fact that guys are discouraged from appearing emotionally vulnerable due to certain (ridiculous) stigmas. So when the conversation does happen, they end up seeing it as something intimate when the girl might be used to having those sorts of conversations regularly with friends. This isn't the case for most of these scenarios but I think its worthwhile to mention it as a factor for the few that apply.
Every morning I went into the staff kitchen to put my lunch in the fridge. It was kind of a low fridge, and I usually had to lean over a little to put my lunch in there. Almost every morning, no matter what time I went in to the staff kitchen, one guy would follow me in a few seconds later just as I was leaned over. It got to the point where I didn't bring a lunch that needed to be refrigerated anymore. I had to plan my meals around some man looking at my butt.
Also, I upvoted everyone who shared on this post. Our silence is their power. Be loud. 💜
1. Conduct myself as friendly yet reserved, to avoid being perceived as a creep. 2. Let women bear the onus of rejection. What guy wouldn’t prefer this, besides creeps who revel in their creepiness?
Don’t bother acknowledging any of the trolls cough cough incels . Ladies, ladies ladies ladies. Do not stop being you. We can still have kindness, empathy, amity. But you do not need to be polite. You do not owe anything to anyone. Be a bitch when necessary. Say F off loudly. Tell them to their face in front of other customers they make you uncomfortable and their actions or advances aren’t appropriate. They don’t like you? Oh well, not your problem. You demand respect if you’re being disrespected. You are a human, not a doormat. I purposefully make men feel uncomfortable now. You say some dumb sh*t to me and it gives me license to treat you like the creep you are. Straight up embarrassing them at the bank that the men, and their wives and gfs and children also bank at. When they begin to make me uncomfortable I flip it. How’s Judith? I saw her earlier today, getting ready for Tommy’s soccer game this afternoon? Are you going there now? Lol conversation ends.
I do feel kinda bad for these girls, only meeting douchebags. There are so many kind guys out there, and this s**t makes it sound like they don't exist.
