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Manipulative In-Laws Refuse To Leave After Showing Up Uninvited, Their Son Doesn’t Give In And Gets The Police To Remove Them From The Property
The boundaries you set with all the people in your life are only as effective as your ability to enforce them. Though they might become more or less flexible depending on whether you’re dealing with strangers or loved ones, at the end of the day, healthy relationships demand that you have some sort of boundaries in place.
Privacy, space, and respect are essential for people to thrive. Some folks go to (seemingly) extreme lengths to protect these things. Redditor u/thatemobemo turned to the AITA online community for their opinion on a very delicate situation. She and her husband called the police after her in-laws dropped by to visit them, unannounced. The author of the post wanted to see if the AITA crowd thought she did anything wrong.
Scroll down for the full story, dear Pandas! Once you’ve gotten through everything, we’d love to hear your take on this. Do you think the OP was well within their rights to call law enforcement? Or did they go too far? What would you have done in this exact situation? Share your thoughts in the comment section.
RELATED:
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. How strict these are varies from person to person
Image credits: Anna Tarazevich (not the actual photo)
A woman asked the internet for a verdict on how she and her husband dealt with her in-laws, who dropped by to visit, unannounced
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Image credits: thtatemobemo
One point that definitely can’t be stressed enough is the fact that absolutely everyone is aware of the couple’s rule that you have to contact them before visiting. “My husband and I have a very strict rule of if you don’t call, or text us before you come over you’re made to leave. This has been a fact since we got married and had kids. This applies to both sides of the family,” she wrote in her post.
While that might sound overly strict and unfriendly to some internet users, others might recognize the fact that some people simply enjoy clear communication and loathe surprises. Moreover, strict boundaries like this one indicate that these boundaries may have been violated time and time again in the past. Hence the need for them. Different people set different expectations for these things.
Long story short, the in-laws drove for an hour to visit their granddaughter… who was away at the OP’s mom’s house. Had the in-laws contacted the couple, they might have learned that and wouldn’t have had to make the long trip. Instead, fully aware of the rules the couple has in place, the in-laws made the trip and then refused to leave. The mother-in-law even tried to prevent the door from being shut by using her foot.
That’s when the OP’s husband got in touch with the sheriff. Law enforcement arrived and they removed his parents, the post author’s in-laws, from the property. Very much in accordance to the ‘No trespassing’ sign that they have out front.
The vast majority of the AITA community stood up for u/thatemobemo, saying she had every right to do what she did. Especially since the in-laws were definitely aware of the ‘No call, no text? Leave!’ rule. Some redditors pointed out that there’s probably more to the story for why the rule exists at all.
Dating expert Dan Bacon, from The Modern Man, previously spoke to Bored Panda about the need for healthy boundaries in relationships, as well as other areas of life.
“If one person comes up with a boundary or rule in a relationship, it is then up to the other person to decide whether they want to adapt to that, or defy it,” he said.
“Sometimes a boundary or a rule that someone comes up with is unnecessary or unfair, so boundaries or rules aren’t something that automatically need to be followed by people in a relationship.” The expert noted that it’s rarely the case where one person/side in any relationship is completely right or wrong. There’s usually more context and a broader story.
“So, if you have a personal boundary that you don’t want to be crossed, then you should bring it up, but if the other person doesn’t accept it or adapt to it, then you need to consider whether or not your boundary is necessary, or if the other person doesn’t respect and love you enough to adapt and change,” he explained.
“If your boundary is necessary and fair, but the other person is never willing to adapt to it, they either don’t love and respect you enough,” the expert said that this might also indicate the relationship (whether romantic or otherwise) isn’t long-term.
Most internet users stood in support of what the OP and her husband did. Here’s their reasoning
However, some folks thought that this was a massive overreaction on the couple’s part
What do you think ?
Carol Emory 3 years ago (edited)
My mother had the same rule. If you did not call first before coming over, you were not let in. I thought she was being unreasonable until I moved out with my husband and son. With my husband working and me taking care of an autistic child on my own, there was not a lot of quiet time for me and my husband to have to ourselves or as a couple. So when my brother would drop by with the whole family to visit, I kindly turned him away. He told me he played that game with mom and he wouldn't play it with me. I said "It's not a game, it's called you having respect for my time enough to find out if I am even up to having company. If you don't call, you will not be let in." He called after that.
MimSorensson 3 years ago
It’s not even about the circumstances, really; if you draw a line people don’t get to cross it - they shouldn’t WANT to cross it. It’s about basic respect and acceptable adult human behaviour, at least that’s how I see it.
Load More Replies...
Raine Soo 3 years ago
All I can say is: the husband stuck by his wife, and told his parents to observe the rule, and leave. How many times does the other spouse make exceptions for his/her side of the family? This man is a keeper!
F C 3 years ago
The bar is low. The spouse is supposed to support you in this.
Load More Replies...
Carla McNeil 3 years ago
The foot in the door bit is crazy manipulative. Bear in mind that they hung around after an attempt was made to close the door on them, after finding out that the daughter was not at home, after the police were called, and until the police arrived, and then stood there to argue with the police before being escorted off the property. All of that is awful behavior. At no point does that suggest they're doing any of this out of love or desire for connection.
ZeroCapacity 3 years ago
Someone does that to my door they better be prepared to lose that foot. That's an aggressive move and not any good at all.
Load More Replies...
Mario Strada 3 years ago
Back in the pre-cell/text days, it wasn't unusual for a friend or relative to drop in unannounced. "I was nearby and I thought I should pay a visit", it was pretty normal. Still, even then there were rules, such as "sorry, I am busy now, thank you for coming by but I am cleaning/cooking/masturbating, etc.". Today there is no excuse.
UpupaEpops 3 years ago (edited)
In my culture, we used to have this God-awful thing called "visiting hours". A time of day when you could just drop by unannounced. Probably a relic of when most (if not all) women were SAHMs. I grew up like this. We always had a fresh batch of pastries and fancy candy you couldn't touch because it was set aside for the guests. We had this lovely game, where if for some horrific reason there was no home-baked product in the house, they would send you out "to run an errand". That is, run to the baker's and buy "home-baked pastry" which was a selection of the stuff most often baked at home, then run back home before the coffee was ready and sneakily dump it onto a plate. Your job as a guest would obviously be to play dumb and ask for your host's perfect recipe. Part of me is missing all the perfectly coiffed ladies all dressed up in pearls and tweed. A much bigger part of me is SO glad this tradition has died out since women entered the workforce.
Load More Replies...
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
My narcissistic mother wouldn't even do this. She might try to clean my entire house, claiming that she's 'just helping', but she'd never stick her foot in the door and try to shove her way inside if asked to leave. Major red flags. That almost sounds aggressive. I wouldn't call the cops on my own parents, but I can see why these people felt the need to.
F C 3 years ago
Mine (and other members) have done this and plenty more, removing the front door handles and keyholes and keeping people awake as sleep deprivation torture/games. They make up stories that you're a drunk/dru**ie or w.e. in 2019 my parents showed up uninvited to my house and elbowed me in thr head because I kicked them out almost as soon as they arrived because they started with their tirade. They also brought kilos of food which was not welcome and it there was not even a fridge for it. This is just a sample. This is what people like this do. Police does nothing. People who haven't been through it don't understand. They say things like "can't you talk to them?" Talk to them wow, who ever thought of that? That's why these ultra strict boundaries exist.
Load More Replies...
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
I have a sneaking suspicion that the in-laws themselves are the reason for the rule. It quite possible they walked right over their son’s and daughter-in-law’s privacy, thinking they could come and go as they please—-and probably decide to camp out at their house after the children were born, ostensibly to “help out”, but either taking over completely and totally undoing everything the baby’s parents did because they “know how to do it better” or “the right way”, or just freeloading and actually making even more work for the already exhausted new parents. If my parents or in laws did anything like that, they would immediately be given the boot out my door., which would them be locked. They’d also never ever get a copy of my door keys. No f*****g way.
F C 3 years ago
Yes. People are "paraboid" but sometimes paranoia is well founded
Load More Replies...
Laura Ketteridge 3 years ago
This is most definitely not how my family lives and interacts. If my family had dropped by they would have been welcomed and given cleaning or packing duties. This family's interactions sounds so alien to me. However, if a family has set such a firm rule in place, I'm pretty much convinced it was created out of necessity. Buying a house and moving are stressful activities. No one needs additional stress from family.
deanna woods 3 years ago
I don't see how anyone thinks that it is OK to try and force your way into someone else's house. I don't care that they are her in laws, they knew the rule and decided to test it. The child they came to see wasn't even home and they would have known that if had called. They are the ones that chose to drive an hour when they didn't have to. As far as I am concerned, an hour is not that long of a drive. I drove an hour to go to college several days a week. These in laws are manipulative and the OP is not the a-hole.
F C 3 years ago
Yes read the room. When some one doesn't want you, I mean as a guest, why insist and stay where you're not welcome? Many times these people have nowhere else to go or anything better to do I guess.
Load More Replies...
Amber.exe (She/They) 3 years ago
NTA-They come over without calling or anything knowing the rule and after you explained it to them again they got mad about it.They came to see your daughter who's not even there and they would've known if they called ahead.
AW 3 years ago
NTA, who DOESN'T call before coming over? that's nuts. the grandchild wasn't even home, and if they'd called/texted ahead, they would have known that
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
And then refusing to leave while OP is packing and the kiddo isn't even there... thats not cool
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 3 years ago (edited)
My mother had the same rule. If you did not call first before coming over, you were not let in. I thought she was being unreasonable until I moved out with my husband and son. With my husband working and me taking care of an autistic child on my own, there was not a lot of quiet time for me and my husband to have to ourselves or as a couple. So when my brother would drop by with the whole family to visit, I kindly turned him away. He told me he played that game with mom and he wouldn't play it with me. I said "It's not a game, it's called you having respect for my time enough to find out if I am even up to having company. If you don't call, you will not be let in." He called after that.
MimSorensson 3 years ago
It’s not even about the circumstances, really; if you draw a line people don’t get to cross it - they shouldn’t WANT to cross it. It’s about basic respect and acceptable adult human behaviour, at least that’s how I see it.
Load More Replies... Raine Soo 3 years ago
All I can say is: the husband stuck by his wife, and told his parents to observe the rule, and leave. How many times does the other spouse make exceptions for his/her side of the family? This man is a keeper!
F C 3 years ago
The bar is low. The spouse is supposed to support you in this.
Load More Replies... Carla McNeil 3 years ago
The foot in the door bit is crazy manipulative. Bear in mind that they hung around after an attempt was made to close the door on them, after finding out that the daughter was not at home, after the police were called, and until the police arrived, and then stood there to argue with the police before being escorted off the property. All of that is awful behavior. At no point does that suggest they're doing any of this out of love or desire for connection.
ZeroCapacity 3 years ago
Someone does that to my door they better be prepared to lose that foot. That's an aggressive move and not any good at all.
Load More Replies... Mario Strada 3 years ago
Back in the pre-cell/text days, it wasn't unusual for a friend or relative to drop in unannounced. "I was nearby and I thought I should pay a visit", it was pretty normal. Still, even then there were rules, such as "sorry, I am busy now, thank you for coming by but I am cleaning/cooking/masturbating, etc.". Today there is no excuse.
UpupaEpops 3 years ago (edited)
In my culture, we used to have this God-awful thing called "visiting hours". A time of day when you could just drop by unannounced. Probably a relic of when most (if not all) women were SAHMs. I grew up like this. We always had a fresh batch of pastries and fancy candy you couldn't touch because it was set aside for the guests. We had this lovely game, where if for some horrific reason there was no home-baked product in the house, they would send you out "to run an errand". That is, run to the baker's and buy "home-baked pastry" which was a selection of the stuff most often baked at home, then run back home before the coffee was ready and sneakily dump it onto a plate. Your job as a guest would obviously be to play dumb and ask for your host's perfect recipe. Part of me is missing all the perfectly coiffed ladies all dressed up in pearls and tweed. A much bigger part of me is SO glad this tradition has died out since women entered the workforce.
Load More Replies... Izzy Curer 3 years ago
My narcissistic mother wouldn't even do this. She might try to clean my entire house, claiming that she's 'just helping', but she'd never stick her foot in the door and try to shove her way inside if asked to leave. Major red flags. That almost sounds aggressive. I wouldn't call the cops on my own parents, but I can see why these people felt the need to.
F C 3 years ago
Mine (and other members) have done this and plenty more, removing the front door handles and keyholes and keeping people awake as sleep deprivation torture/games. They make up stories that you're a drunk/dru**ie or w.e. in 2019 my parents showed up uninvited to my house and elbowed me in thr head because I kicked them out almost as soon as they arrived because they started with their tirade. They also brought kilos of food which was not welcome and it there was not even a fridge for it. This is just a sample. This is what people like this do. Police does nothing. People who haven't been through it don't understand. They say things like "can't you talk to them?" Talk to them wow, who ever thought of that? That's why these ultra strict boundaries exist.
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
I have a sneaking suspicion that the in-laws themselves are the reason for the rule. It quite possible they walked right over their son’s and daughter-in-law’s privacy, thinking they could come and go as they please—-and probably decide to camp out at their house after the children were born, ostensibly to “help out”, but either taking over completely and totally undoing everything the baby’s parents did because they “know how to do it better” or “the right way”, or just freeloading and actually making even more work for the already exhausted new parents. If my parents or in laws did anything like that, they would immediately be given the boot out my door., which would them be locked. They’d also never ever get a copy of my door keys. No f*****g way.
F C 3 years ago
Yes. People are "paraboid" but sometimes paranoia is well founded
Load More Replies... Laura Ketteridge 3 years ago
This is most definitely not how my family lives and interacts. If my family had dropped by they would have been welcomed and given cleaning or packing duties. This family's interactions sounds so alien to me. However, if a family has set such a firm rule in place, I'm pretty much convinced it was created out of necessity. Buying a house and moving are stressful activities. No one needs additional stress from family.
deanna woods 3 years ago
I don't see how anyone thinks that it is OK to try and force your way into someone else's house. I don't care that they are her in laws, they knew the rule and decided to test it. The child they came to see wasn't even home and they would have known that if had called. They are the ones that chose to drive an hour when they didn't have to. As far as I am concerned, an hour is not that long of a drive. I drove an hour to go to college several days a week. These in laws are manipulative and the OP is not the a-hole.
F C 3 years ago
Yes read the room. When some one doesn't want you, I mean as a guest, why insist and stay where you're not welcome? Many times these people have nowhere else to go or anything better to do I guess.
Load More Replies... Amber.exe (She/They) 3 years ago
NTA-They come over without calling or anything knowing the rule and after you explained it to them again they got mad about it.They came to see your daughter who's not even there and they would've known if they called ahead.
AW 3 years ago
NTA, who DOESN'T call before coming over? that's nuts. the grandchild wasn't even home, and if they'd called/texted ahead, they would have known that
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
And then refusing to leave while OP is packing and the kiddo isn't even there... thats not cool
Load More Replies...
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