Woman Chooses To Die On The Hill Of Not Allowing Her Husband’s Infertile Friend To Give Her Child A Name He Likes
Some parents’ decisions don’t have that much of an impact on their children’s lives, like coming up with what to make for dinner or choosing an outfit for them. But most of them are kind of important, like helping the kids pick a hobby and giving tools to pursue it, or signing them up for a certain school.
The important decisions start even before the baby is born. The mom has to make a conscious effort to have a healthy lifestyle and not allow stress to get the best of her. The parents also usually pick the name for the baby while they are still growing in the belly. The name will be part of the child’s identity and most likely stick with them for their whole lives, so it’s an aspect that requires a lot of thinking.
That is why this mom on Reddit was so reluctant to accept a baby name offer from her husband’s friend. Not only because she didn’t like the name, but because of how he behaved and was almost possessive over the unborn child. She flipped and her husband left the house for the night, but the woman is willing to die on this hill.
More info: Reddit
Husband didn’t return home all night after an argument with his wife about the name of their baby, but the mom isn’t willing to compromise
Image credits: Alick Sung (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster’s (OP) husband has a friend, named Will, who has been married two times but got divorced because he is infertile and even though he knew about it, he hid it from his wives. What is sad about this is that Will actually likes kids and would love to have one, so the news about the infertility really devastated him. However, it seemed that he lit up again when he found out that the OP is pregnant.
Will was super happy and took up the role of a grandfather or a godfather as he started buying gifts for the baby and helped with the baby’s room decorations. Such excitement made the future mom feel uncomfortable, but her husband didn’t see anything wrong with it.
When the OP and her husband found out the gender of the baby, Will started talking with the baby, referring to it with a name he would have given to his child if he was able to have one. The husband considered the decision to already be made and didn’t even bother to discuss the name with his wife.
The OP’s husband has a friend who is infertile but loves children, so when he found out that the OP is pregnant, he showered her with gifts for the baby
Image credits: System-Bond1907
The husband thought that because Will was so helpful and because he has had such a hard life, using his baby name would be a nice gesture that would make him immensely happy. The mom didn’t think so and when her husband tried to convince her it is a good idea, she lost her nerve and Will heard when she said that the baby is hers and not the friend’s.
Will left and the husband left with him, but not before yelling at his wife for being so heartless and reminding her that the baby is also his. The woman did feel bad that her husband would think she is selfish and heartless, but she is ready to die on this hill and won’t give the baby the name that his friend suggested.
This is a really tricky situation because when parents are discussing names and they are just words from a dictionary or popular name list, it is easier to disagree because there are no emotions attached. But if one of the parents wants to name a baby after their late relative, or, like in this case, give a name that a friend suggested to make them happy, you automatically assume that your partner doesn’t like the person that you consider dear if they refuse to accept that name.
That was nice, but it got creepy when Will started addressing the baby by the name he would have given to his own child if he had one
Image credits: System-Bond1907
Image credits: madgerly (not the actual photo)
A name can have a huge impact on a person’s life and you don’t even need research to understand that, but there actually is, and some of the more interesting findings are that people with more simple, easy-to-pronounce and more popular names or noble-sounding names tend to be more successful in their careers. People think you are smarter if you have a middle name, and women with gender-neutral names have an easier time getting acknowledgement in male-dominated fields.
There are some ways a name may change the course of a person’s life, but what about their mental health when children get teased about their unusual name, or if the name is easily shortened to a funny word? These are things to consider when looking through name lists.
He then started begging the parents to use that name and the dad thought it was a great idea, but the mom didn’t see why the friend had a say when it wasn’t his baby
Image credits: System-Bond1907
Pregnancy and parenting brand What To Expect advises parents who can’t decide on a baby name to talk about it and to dig deeper into the reasons for disliking a name: “For instance, your partner may have disliked being one of five Jasons in his class while you disliked having to spell your name for every teacher.”
Morally speaking, both parents should be on the same page and if one of them can’t be talked into a name, then they should search for an option that would satisfy both of them. Pressuring one parent to give up and agree may lead to regrets later.
Will got upset and left, the husband followed him and returned only in the morning, but the OP isn’t willing to step back
Image credits: Chad Kittel (not the actual photo)
Redditors completely understood where the OP was coming from and actually found Will creepy. There were some speculations that her husband and Will are a couple, but the woman explained that they are just really good friends that almost grew up together. Whatever the situation may be, everyone agreed that the mom has the right to refuse to give her child a name that she doesn’t see fitting.
What do you think about this situation? Why do you think the husband is on his friend’s side and allows him to be so involved that it leads to him not returning home for the night? Were you ever pressured to give your child a name you didn’t like or that didn’t feel right? Let us know your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
Redditors found Will creepy and agreed that if one of the parents doesn’t agree, then that name can’t be an option
I feel like Will making the kid the name he would have given his own son would make things worse, not provide closure. He's already deeply attached and involved, which could turn out fine (maybe with some therapy), but don't make it seem like this is Will's child. At best it's cruel, at worst it's dangerous.
Exactly, letting him name the baby is only going to make him feel more involved, not a good idea when he's already overstepped her boundaries.
Load More Replies... If the husband and friend hadn't been so weird and obsessive about it, I might suggest considering using the name as a middle name or letting Will be a godparent. However, the way the two men are behaving i wouldn't want my baby to have any more of a connection with Will than father's best mate. Will needs serious therapy, he wouldn't go against his family and adopt or foster but wants to name a child he has no parental or familiar connection to.
Agreed. Also, I think if they went down the middle-name route, they (husband and Will) would just use that name instead of the first name. So, Will would just get his way in the end anyway.
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Die on this hill, girl. Your husband's audacity is insane. To agree to using the name without even speaking to the woman carrying the baby inside her is SOOOO f****d. Make sure you are awake and aware when that birth certificate shows up in your room to be signed. I have an eerie feeling your husband would go behind your back and give the baby Will's name if you were asleep... My father in law did it to my mother in law.
Will needs therapy, seriously. OP needs to give some thought to how involved she is willing to have him in her child's life, because it sounds like he badly wants a child, and is trying to use *her child* to meet that need. She needs to set some really clear boundries here "I know you love Will, and you think he got a raw deal, I also think he needs professional help to grieve his infertility and make peace with his decision not to become a father by other means. I am uncomfortable with how interested he is in my pregnancy and our child, it feels intrusive. I don't think naming our child will give him closure. I am worried that he is developing an unhealthy attachment to our child. I am unhappy, I feel like you are dismissing my concerns and putting Will's feelings above mine. I want to choose a name for our child that is ours, not Will's, and I need you to support me in setting boundries with him."
It sounds like if Will were a woman she'd end up in prison for being one of those creepy horrors who cut babies out of stranger's wombs after pretending to be selling baby clothes.
Nah. Will would volunteer to watch the kid for a couples' weekend & already have his stuff shipped to a non-extradition country & his 401k and checking/savings cashed out in small non-consecutive bills.
Load More Replies... FFS ... if there EVER is a hill to die on, this is the one. Imagine hearing and saying the name for decades and ALWAYS having to think of Creepy Will.
Husband loves friend more than wife. Never mind sexuality. It's too bad, but Will will always come first.
Yep, bromance at its best! It would be pretty naive of her to keep ignoring this fact.
Load More Replies... I never had children due to various disabilities and the inability to care for a child. It isn't the end of the world. Sure, life has been unfair to this man but he has had options and chose not to pursue them. Now he seems obsessed with someone else's baby and I think naming the baby after him would only make the obsession worse. What he needs is therapy, not indulgence. I do get though that when it comes to a long time friend, it can be difficult to say no. But the husband was very disrespectful to his wife by automatically agreeing with his friend without even discussing it with her.
If he wants to give a living thing a name, why can't he just adopt a pet?
I think you also need to make your delivery staff aware of this, so there's no chance of hubby naming the baby whilst you are out of it, for any reason. I hope you can make a compromise.
This situation does not warrant a compromise of any kind. Will and the husband are both behaving like raging assholes. Mom needs to pick the baby's name all on her own at this point.
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Like many suggested, you could use it as a middle name. Mine is from the person who held me right after my mother - a friend of hers. But in no way are you TA. A baby's name is chosen by both parents. If someone already made a list, they go through the list together and two of those could be chosen too.
She doesn't owe him anything, she is not his therapist and the baby is not his therapy.
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Obviously nta. I would not like to suffer through pregnancy and not even have a say about the name. Wow. It's almost like her husband "gave away" that privilege of naming your kid. I got to pick all three of my kids names. Started with my ex husband saying it was a "bonus" for going through 9 hard months of pregnancy (each obviously). My current husband (who is the father of my youngest) agreed it was a fair deal so we kept that "tradition". It is a big thing (even if kids have the choice to change their name as adults). I would feel SO disrespected if someone random (well, almost) person got to name the kid I carried.
Has Will ever considered adoption if he wants kids so much? Why are people so hung up on having biological children, when there are so many kids who were already born and are in need of home and family?
NO WOMAN divorces a GOOD husband because he's infertile; they just go to a sperm bank. Will is twice divorced because he is a piece of flaming garbage. Your husband is too, frankly. Don't you dare let them name the baby. Serve your hubby with divorce papers.
I would think it would be a bigger deal that he lied about it, intentionally deceived them and didn't let them know he was infertile till after marriage. I can understand that being a major red flag for them. If he had discussed beforehand that he'd live kids but was infertile and was willing to find another way, one or either of them might have been fine with it.
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I didn't even finish reading before I came to the same conclusion as ThingsICan'tAskIRL & MermaidStone. That's hubby & Will's baby, Momma is just their egg donor & incubator.
Ummmm is the husband in love with will and Vice versa? #1 Where does Will get off? That’s someone else’s baby! The only reason I could see someone, especially a man, acting like this is if he has some emotional investment in this baby. To run out of a house because she said no is an emotional reaction. Kinda like he loves the husband and is obsessed with his loved ones baby type thing. #2 for the husband to run after him and leave his pregnant wife who is also upset and instead of trying to talk to her he chases after Will to comfort him and make him feel better?!!? Like come on.
How can anybody be so attached to one particular name anyway? Even if Will could have his own baby, who says his partner would agree to that name? Creepy as hell!
Your husband is very concerned with not disappointing Will or making him unhappy. He’s not very concerned about you. It’s odd and makes me think Will is your husband’s primary person, not you regardless of sexuality. Anyway, the person who pushes the baby out has ultimate decision rights over the baby’s name, with input from their spouse. Neither of those people are Will.
Sounds like she'll be dealing with 2 babies instead of one if she's not careful.
This is a much simpler issue that people are making it out to be. Both parents should name the kid. If dad's friend has a suggestion, fine. If dad likes that suggestion, also fine. If mom vetoes it, end of story. Come up with a name both parent's approve of.
Naming the child is just a manifestation of much, much deeper problems all of them have.
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This is actually nuts. How is this even a question? I feel for this woman. She must be feeling pretty low to even consider the possibility that she is the problem here.
Both husband and friend are really creepy. Do not allow Will to name your baby. You may want to make sure that somehow husband doesn't try to fool you into thinking that a name your H picks isn't really His friend really picked. Not sure how you will get pass this. I'm surprised the friend doesn't say I want my last name used instead of yours. Good luck.
I do it with all my friends and family babies - and it is fun :D - just noticed Katarina as name is dying. :D before we were 3-4 in on class :D
OP stated a fact: It's not Will's baby. Why did he (Will) leave? Was he mad? Also, OP's husband agreed without agreeing with OP, because 'It's his baby too'. Keyword: TOO. Not ONLY, TOO
Will LIED to his partners in the past about his infertility. It's not life that dealt him bad cards, it's himself who's been making bad decisions! He could have adopted, he could have had sperm donated to his partners, but he CHOSE to act the entitled victim. Does he feel he's got a right to name all the babies he couldn't have had himself, or is that reserved for people he can push into that decision?!
I didn't read all the comments because I rushed down here to leave my 2 cents. First: We made a conscious choice not to have kids. Second: My husband is a junior. So, MIL thought when she named my husband, she also named my son. Hounded for years about having kids. Let's say I had a boy. I'll be damned if he was going to the the III. ( third) I would have named that boy " SUE". He'll ya for spite. He would had his own name. What is weird about this whole thing is that hads words over something ( me having a kid) that was never going to happen.
Nobody should be naming anyone else's babies besides the parents. As an expecting mom, I didn't like people coming up to me with naming suggestions.
I don't understand why his family not agreeing on the adoption was enough for him not to have one if he wants a kid so badly. He probably should get therapy. Just because he made/bought things for the baby doesn't give him any rights on naming him and the husband is the AH.
Your totally nta your baby your choice it's sad will is infertile but there are loads of options and routes to go down to have his own family as an infertile women I would never ever ever put this on my siblings let alone a friend, if your husband likes the name so much maybe you could consider it as a second name to honour will as your friend but he has no right to push this on you or your husband if he was such a caring friend he wouldn't be so selfish and that's exactly what he's being he's not considering your or your husband's feelings in this and now he's trying to emotionally blackmail you into it by sulking stand your ground YOUR growing this beautiful blessing inside YOUR body least you should be able to do is name him. As for will he's obviously incredibly close to your family he should be thankful he will be in this child's life as no doubt an uncle figure and uncle will should be content with that.
Jesus honey, run for the hills. Did you know you were in a truple? Your hubby's friend needs therapy asap. Don't let the werido near you. Imagine if this was a woman - you'd be getting hand that rocks the cradle vibes. Jesus run from them both
I was named after a male friend of my parents at the time my mother was having me. I dont think it’s appropriate the way your husband is insistent though, but maybe as a truce or a compromise to move forward, could the child be given the name as a second or third one?
He wants a child badly enough to do severe manipulations but not badly enough to not obey his family and adopt/foster? That is a very specific level of wanting, something is really off here. I get a feeling.we dont know the whole picture. Anyway, I advice you to look at the red flag parade of your husbands flagrant disrespect and ,frankly, abuse. Run. Now! If he manipulates and tries to control you in this case he will do the same in all cases.
I think she’s wrong about Will and her husband. She needs to talk with her husband and Will needs to fade to the background. If someone truly wants a baby they are ok with adoption regardless of family thoughts on the subject. Sounds more like Will feels like this is his baby. It’s super creepy. Time for the husband to choose.
If Will was an infertile woman and friends with OP feels like we'd all see it differently...
I do agree Will could benefit from working through this with a therapist. This is not the right or healthy solution that he and the dad are pushing. If it's such a deep desire of Will's to be a dad he should've chose to forget his family's opinion about it and just adopt! Obviously he also should've been upfront before his two marriages about it. If he ever gets married again (hopefully having been open and honest this time) they could even consider frozen embryo transfer, if his wife wants the experience of being pregnant (where embryos created for IVF were given up by the original couple who already has as many kids as they want, and other couples can "adopt" and give birth to them).
And second middle names (if the name is a stinker)
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It doesn't say what the name the friend chose is, I think it's way worse if it's a girls name as usually Mom picks the girls' name. Her partner and his friend are acting like his life is over, as if he's never going to have a relationship again or the chance to adopt. Why is the friend looking for closure using his friends life? It really is a bit over the top creepy and overly weird. I get that he's excited buying his friend things for the baby the same as any 'uncle' would but reliving his life through someone else is just a big no
I've never heard that the Mom usually picks the girl's name. In which country/area/region/religion/culture is that the tradition?
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You're not the arsehole, but if someone chooses a name deliberately then it isn't random. It's the OPPOSITE of random.
My brother was a JR. Named after my dad of course. But dad always called him another pet name. Which was a the same name as a very good friend of his. I don't know the exact story but apparently my dad had made a bet or comment about naming his first born son after his best friend. The point to this? Name your child what you want to name your child and let your husbands friend use his favorite name as a special nickname that means something to him. Maybe they will bond enough so the child is included in the man's will or something.
I feel like Will making the kid the name he would have given his own son would make things worse, not provide closure. He's already deeply attached and involved, which could turn out fine (maybe with some therapy), but don't make it seem like this is Will's child. At best it's cruel, at worst it's dangerous.
Exactly, letting him name the baby is only going to make him feel more involved, not a good idea when he's already overstepped her boundaries.
Load More Replies... If the husband and friend hadn't been so weird and obsessive about it, I might suggest considering using the name as a middle name or letting Will be a godparent. However, the way the two men are behaving i wouldn't want my baby to have any more of a connection with Will than father's best mate. Will needs serious therapy, he wouldn't go against his family and adopt or foster but wants to name a child he has no parental or familiar connection to.
Agreed. Also, I think if they went down the middle-name route, they (husband and Will) would just use that name instead of the first name. So, Will would just get his way in the end anyway.
Load More Replies... Die on this hill, girl. Your husband's audacity is insane. To agree to using the name without even speaking to the woman carrying the baby inside her is SOOOO f****d. Make sure you are awake and aware when that birth certificate shows up in your room to be signed. I have an eerie feeling your husband would go behind your back and give the baby Will's name if you were asleep... My father in law did it to my mother in law.
Will needs therapy, seriously. OP needs to give some thought to how involved she is willing to have him in her child's life, because it sounds like he badly wants a child, and is trying to use *her child* to meet that need. She needs to set some really clear boundries here "I know you love Will, and you think he got a raw deal, I also think he needs professional help to grieve his infertility and make peace with his decision not to become a father by other means. I am uncomfortable with how interested he is in my pregnancy and our child, it feels intrusive. I don't think naming our child will give him closure. I am worried that he is developing an unhealthy attachment to our child. I am unhappy, I feel like you are dismissing my concerns and putting Will's feelings above mine. I want to choose a name for our child that is ours, not Will's, and I need you to support me in setting boundries with him."
It sounds like if Will were a woman she'd end up in prison for being one of those creepy horrors who cut babies out of stranger's wombs after pretending to be selling baby clothes.
Nah. Will would volunteer to watch the kid for a couples' weekend & already have his stuff shipped to a non-extradition country & his 401k and checking/savings cashed out in small non-consecutive bills.
Load More Replies... FFS ... if there EVER is a hill to die on, this is the one. Imagine hearing and saying the name for decades and ALWAYS having to think of Creepy Will.
Husband loves friend more than wife. Never mind sexuality. It's too bad, but Will will always come first.
Yep, bromance at its best! It would be pretty naive of her to keep ignoring this fact.
Load More Replies... I never had children due to various disabilities and the inability to care for a child. It isn't the end of the world. Sure, life has been unfair to this man but he has had options and chose not to pursue them. Now he seems obsessed with someone else's baby and I think naming the baby after him would only make the obsession worse. What he needs is therapy, not indulgence. I do get though that when it comes to a long time friend, it can be difficult to say no. But the husband was very disrespectful to his wife by automatically agreeing with his friend without even discussing it with her.
If he wants to give a living thing a name, why can't he just adopt a pet?
I think you also need to make your delivery staff aware of this, so there's no chance of hubby naming the baby whilst you are out of it, for any reason. I hope you can make a compromise.
This situation does not warrant a compromise of any kind. Will and the husband are both behaving like raging assholes. Mom needs to pick the baby's name all on her own at this point.
Load More Replies... Like many suggested, you could use it as a middle name. Mine is from the person who held me right after my mother - a friend of hers. But in no way are you TA. A baby's name is chosen by both parents. If someone already made a list, they go through the list together and two of those could be chosen too.
She doesn't owe him anything, she is not his therapist and the baby is not his therapy.
Load More Replies... Obviously nta. I would not like to suffer through pregnancy and not even have a say about the name. Wow. It's almost like her husband "gave away" that privilege of naming your kid. I got to pick all three of my kids names. Started with my ex husband saying it was a "bonus" for going through 9 hard months of pregnancy (each obviously). My current husband (who is the father of my youngest) agreed it was a fair deal so we kept that "tradition". It is a big thing (even if kids have the choice to change their name as adults). I would feel SO disrespected if someone random (well, almost) person got to name the kid I carried.
Has Will ever considered adoption if he wants kids so much? Why are people so hung up on having biological children, when there are so many kids who were already born and are in need of home and family?
NO WOMAN divorces a GOOD husband because he's infertile; they just go to a sperm bank. Will is twice divorced because he is a piece of flaming garbage. Your husband is too, frankly. Don't you dare let them name the baby. Serve your hubby with divorce papers.
I would think it would be a bigger deal that he lied about it, intentionally deceived them and didn't let them know he was infertile till after marriage. I can understand that being a major red flag for them. If he had discussed beforehand that he'd live kids but was infertile and was willing to find another way, one or either of them might have been fine with it.
Load More Replies... I didn't even finish reading before I came to the same conclusion as ThingsICan'tAskIRL & MermaidStone. That's hubby & Will's baby, Momma is just their egg donor & incubator.
Ummmm is the husband in love with will and Vice versa? #1 Where does Will get off? That’s someone else’s baby! The only reason I could see someone, especially a man, acting like this is if he has some emotional investment in this baby. To run out of a house because she said no is an emotional reaction. Kinda like he loves the husband and is obsessed with his loved ones baby type thing. #2 for the husband to run after him and leave his pregnant wife who is also upset and instead of trying to talk to her he chases after Will to comfort him and make him feel better?!!? Like come on.
How can anybody be so attached to one particular name anyway? Even if Will could have his own baby, who says his partner would agree to that name? Creepy as hell!
Your husband is very concerned with not disappointing Will or making him unhappy. He’s not very concerned about you. It’s odd and makes me think Will is your husband’s primary person, not you regardless of sexuality. Anyway, the person who pushes the baby out has ultimate decision rights over the baby’s name, with input from their spouse. Neither of those people are Will.
Sounds like she'll be dealing with 2 babies instead of one if she's not careful.
This is a much simpler issue that people are making it out to be. Both parents should name the kid. If dad's friend has a suggestion, fine. If dad likes that suggestion, also fine. If mom vetoes it, end of story. Come up with a name both parent's approve of.
Naming the child is just a manifestation of much, much deeper problems all of them have.
Load More Replies... This is actually nuts. How is this even a question? I feel for this woman. She must be feeling pretty low to even consider the possibility that she is the problem here.
Both husband and friend are really creepy. Do not allow Will to name your baby. You may want to make sure that somehow husband doesn't try to fool you into thinking that a name your H picks isn't really His friend really picked. Not sure how you will get pass this. I'm surprised the friend doesn't say I want my last name used instead of yours. Good luck.
I do it with all my friends and family babies - and it is fun :D - just noticed Katarina as name is dying. :D before we were 3-4 in on class :D
OP stated a fact: It's not Will's baby. Why did he (Will) leave? Was he mad? Also, OP's husband agreed without agreeing with OP, because 'It's his baby too'. Keyword: TOO. Not ONLY, TOO
Will LIED to his partners in the past about his infertility. It's not life that dealt him bad cards, it's himself who's been making bad decisions! He could have adopted, he could have had sperm donated to his partners, but he CHOSE to act the entitled victim. Does he feel he's got a right to name all the babies he couldn't have had himself, or is that reserved for people he can push into that decision?!
I didn't read all the comments because I rushed down here to leave my 2 cents. First: We made a conscious choice not to have kids. Second: My husband is a junior. So, MIL thought when she named my husband, she also named my son. Hounded for years about having kids. Let's say I had a boy. I'll be damned if he was going to the the III. ( third) I would have named that boy " SUE". He'll ya for spite. He would had his own name. What is weird about this whole thing is that hads words over something ( me having a kid) that was never going to happen.
Nobody should be naming anyone else's babies besides the parents. As an expecting mom, I didn't like people coming up to me with naming suggestions.
I don't understand why his family not agreeing on the adoption was enough for him not to have one if he wants a kid so badly. He probably should get therapy. Just because he made/bought things for the baby doesn't give him any rights on naming him and the husband is the AH.
Your totally nta your baby your choice it's sad will is infertile but there are loads of options and routes to go down to have his own family as an infertile women I would never ever ever put this on my siblings let alone a friend, if your husband likes the name so much maybe you could consider it as a second name to honour will as your friend but he has no right to push this on you or your husband if he was such a caring friend he wouldn't be so selfish and that's exactly what he's being he's not considering your or your husband's feelings in this and now he's trying to emotionally blackmail you into it by sulking stand your ground YOUR growing this beautiful blessing inside YOUR body least you should be able to do is name him. As for will he's obviously incredibly close to your family he should be thankful he will be in this child's life as no doubt an uncle figure and uncle will should be content with that.
Jesus honey, run for the hills. Did you know you were in a truple? Your hubby's friend needs therapy asap. Don't let the werido near you. Imagine if this was a woman - you'd be getting hand that rocks the cradle vibes. Jesus run from them both
I was named after a male friend of my parents at the time my mother was having me. I dont think it’s appropriate the way your husband is insistent though, but maybe as a truce or a compromise to move forward, could the child be given the name as a second or third one?
He wants a child badly enough to do severe manipulations but not badly enough to not obey his family and adopt/foster? That is a very specific level of wanting, something is really off here. I get a feeling.we dont know the whole picture. Anyway, I advice you to look at the red flag parade of your husbands flagrant disrespect and ,frankly, abuse. Run. Now! If he manipulates and tries to control you in this case he will do the same in all cases.
I think she’s wrong about Will and her husband. She needs to talk with her husband and Will needs to fade to the background. If someone truly wants a baby they are ok with adoption regardless of family thoughts on the subject. Sounds more like Will feels like this is his baby. It’s super creepy. Time for the husband to choose.
If Will was an infertile woman and friends with OP feels like we'd all see it differently...
I do agree Will could benefit from working through this with a therapist. This is not the right or healthy solution that he and the dad are pushing. If it's such a deep desire of Will's to be a dad he should've chose to forget his family's opinion about it and just adopt! Obviously he also should've been upfront before his two marriages about it. If he ever gets married again (hopefully having been open and honest this time) they could even consider frozen embryo transfer, if his wife wants the experience of being pregnant (where embryos created for IVF were given up by the original couple who already has as many kids as they want, and other couples can "adopt" and give birth to them).
And second middle names (if the name is a stinker)
Load More Replies... It doesn't say what the name the friend chose is, I think it's way worse if it's a girls name as usually Mom picks the girls' name. Her partner and his friend are acting like his life is over, as if he's never going to have a relationship again or the chance to adopt. Why is the friend looking for closure using his friends life? It really is a bit over the top creepy and overly weird. I get that he's excited buying his friend things for the baby the same as any 'uncle' would but reliving his life through someone else is just a big no
I've never heard that the Mom usually picks the girl's name. In which country/area/region/religion/culture is that the tradition?
Load More Replies... You're not the arsehole, but if someone chooses a name deliberately then it isn't random. It's the OPPOSITE of random.
My brother was a JR. Named after my dad of course. But dad always called him another pet name. Which was a the same name as a very good friend of his. I don't know the exact story but apparently my dad had made a bet or comment about naming his first born son after his best friend. The point to this? Name your child what you want to name your child and let your husbands friend use his favorite name as a special nickname that means something to him. Maybe they will bond enough so the child is included in the man's will or something.
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