“It Made Me Wanna Cry”: 16 Y.O. Continues To Not Talk To His Dad Even On His Birthday After He Threw Out All Of His Son’s Plants
During the pandemic, when most of the world was under lockdown, people started to remember their hobbies that they didn’t have time for. Many discovered more interests as they somehow had to alleviate their boredom.
A teen discovered he really liked plants and taking care of them, but his dad was annoyed with this new pastime and threw away everything his son had spent so much time and effort on. Now the teen is not talking to his dad, who is getting even more mad, especially because his son didn’t say a word even on his birthday.
More info: Reddit
Teen is told he is going too far for not talking to his dad on his birthday, but he is not over him throwing away all his plants
Image credits: Smoobs (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 16-year-old who was quite bored from going to school on Zoom, so his aunt thought that maybe he could try growing plants. When his dad’s sister came for a visit from Wyoming where she and her husband have a farm, she brought some seeds and plants for the teen’s grandmother but gave him some as well.
Turns out, OP really enjoyed taking care of plants and was so devoted that he even went to buy pots and soil, transporting them by bus. He was researching the best ways to care for certain plants and was most proud of his peace lily, which he grew from seed.
While plants made the teen happy, his dad didn’t see the point of them and called this hobby dumb. The dad saw plant growing as not a manly interest and considered it a waste of time. He was really not fond of the idea of the OP working on a garden.
He was so against his son growing plants that he took them all and just threw them away. The OP learnt about it when he came back from his cousin’s and didn’t find any of his pots in his room.
The 16 Y.O. was getting bored from online school so his aunt suggested he try out growing plants to fight the boredom
Image credits: u/threwmyplants
It really hurt OP’s feelings, as it was his joy he unexpectedly discovered that put his mind at ease, and because all his hard work was disregarded. At least his mom was on his side, but not even her yelling made the dad apologize to his son.
The aunt was furious as well and sympathized with her nephew. She didn’t mind bringing more plants to him, but the teen is devastated and now doesn’t trust his dad, because what is stopping him from doing the same thing again?
The OP agreed to see if he liked it, and it turned out that he really enjoyed it and started devoting a lot of time and effort to this hobby
Image credits: Helena Jacoba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/threwmyplants
The son started the silent treatment against his dad and didn’t respond to any of his questions or even take a break for his dad’s birthday. It lasted for a week and then the mom started to think he was going too far by not wishing him happy birthday.
According to Healthline, indoor plants may help reduce stress levels and may help you concentrate better, thus boosting productivity. The process of growing a plant and watching it change is therapeutic and some research shows that the sight of plants may help with recovery from illness. A plant in a work space may lead to feeling more satisfaction with the results you achieved and obviously, some plants help with the quality of air.
The OP was deprived of all of this, so it is understandable why he felt hurt. Maybe it would help if he went to his aunt’s house for the summer, as someone in the comments suggested, but for now, he feels that the best way to cope with his feelings is not to engage in conversation with his dad.
The problem was that his dad saw plants as a dumb hobby and a waste of time, so one day, he just threw everything out
Image credits: u/threwmyplants
If we’re already talking about hobbies, it’s important for parents to encourage their kids’ hobbies, otherwise they are missing out on gaining important life and social skills, as Podar Education Network points out.
Hobbies are important because they help kids and teenagers develop, stimulate their brains and discover their talents. It’s also useful to explore what they excel at and try out things just to find out what they don’t enjoy as much.
Hobbies help them to connect with like-minded people and they are a good topic to bring up while talking with someone who is not familiar with the activity. Hobbies may some day turn into something lucrative as well or look good on a resume while looking for a job.
The teen was deeply hurt and stopped talking with his dad, which irritated him even more, especially when his son continued with the silent treatment on his birthday
Image credits: Alan Stanton (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/threwmyplants
But it’s never good to force a hobby upon your child, like OP’s dad did when he tried to convince his son he should find something else to do in his free time.
Parents have to understand that their kids have their own interests and Mommy Nearest suggests that it’s best to keep it low pressure and to not punish them for changing their minds. They also point out that it is important to distinguish between you liking something and the child liking something, because a forced hobby is not fun, which it should be. If your children find something they like, encourage them, but don’t pressure them to be good at it.
The OP’s mom, who initially sided with her son, now also thinks that he is being unreasonable, but the teen wasn’t even apologized to
Image credits: u/threwmyplants
Image credits: OakleyOrignals (not the actual image)
People in the comments thought that OP’s dad’s behavior and attitude against his hobby was sexist and it was unnecessarily cruel. They felt the teen’s pain and agreed that the dad needed to apologize, so they understood why the son didn’t wish him a happy birthday.
What are your thoughts? Do you think a week is a long enough punishment for the dad? Do you think the teen is hurting his dad more by not talking with him on his birthday than the dad hurt him by throwing away all his hard work? Let us know in the comments!
Redditors completely understood OP’s feelings and couldn’t understand why the dad would be so cruel for no valid reason
How about, "It's stupid to waste time destroying your kid's property, and it's not a 'parent thing.'" The father is alienating his son and stealing from him. It's not going to make the son question his love for plants. It's just going to make him question his love for his overcontrolling, mean-spirited Dad.
The father saw his child taking time and enjoyment with a healthy hobby and gave him a big 'f**k you' when he threw out not one but ALL of his plants.' Then he's bothered when his kid responds the same. Father is a real asshat.
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So shītty. How is gardening not a "guy" thing? Sorry but the stereotypical male retiree in the US usually becomes a gardener because not only is it fulfilling , wait for it, it requires hard work and dedication (two traits looked for in a "guy "). And I'm pretty sure all farmers across the globe would disagree and say it most certainly is a "guy" thing
Exactly! And most farmers used to be male... I'm starting to think some people have gone too far with feminine or masculine labelling. Anything you're passionate about regardless of being great or not so great should be celebrated. Hobbies and interests build personality.
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This story is absolutely breaking my heart. I love that this young man has discovered the joy of nurturing something. I wish he could just go live on the farm away from his aunt and uncle (maybe his uncle should talk with his dad about the "manliness" of growing things?)
To use an apt proverb, "you reap what you sow". I think the father is finding that out, and given that there has been no apology and attempt at restitution from the one to blame, I see no reason why the kid should have to change his position. Just so it's clear, I don't have this opinion because I'm a similar age to this young man, because I'm an old fart of 65. A$$hole behaviour warrants an appropriate response.
I would have absolutely lost it on my husband for doing that to our child. My son would have come home to $1,000 worth of new plants, greenhouse, fertilizers, tools and we would do it together from then on out. Screw that dad for belittling his son and his interests.
If I was the mom, dad would have been sleeping on the couch or in a hotel but certainly not near me until he had fixed all he could and sincerely appologized AND stopped bullying my son.
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My dad did the same and my mom defended him i wanted to be an artist and a writer he sauid it would be a waste of time and threw it all out, we dont speak now for that and many other reasons, my mother laughed it off and said its not a big deal just re do them, pathetic, your parents are assholes, gardening is genderless and where does he think he gets his food from, freaking gardening, god is he so stupid, get yourself an allotment, theyre very cheap and you can grow anything, you can also sell your stuff too, i think you should consider this hobby as a career as youre clearly very good at it
Throw away something of his that he spends time on and see how he likes it.
Toxic a*****e like his dad will probably beat the c**p out of him.
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Your dad has zero idea just how lucrative a business it can be to run a nursery, to be able to grow beautiful plants from seeds, and potentially grow and nurture some very VERY high value rare plants as well—-some bonsai, orchids, variegated monstera, etc can worth in the thousands to tens of thousands, some of them up to over a million dollars! Potted plants, similar to the ones your dad thought were a waste of your time and threw out like garbage. At 16, you have found a talent and possible calling. Major in Botany in college, take some landscape design classes, as well as a few business classes (to run your own business), and you will have a lucrative career path totally set. There are even government botanists who care for the landscaping at important government buildings, such as the White House—-and they make some serious bank! You could end up making WAY more money from your “stupid waste of time”, non-“guy” career than your dad could ever even dream of making from his macho job. Just two more years, and you’re out of there. Get a job at a nursery, go to night school for your degree, and you are set.
It'll be really great when men start to realize that other men are what's keeping the cycle of abuse and fear and toxic masculinity c**p going generation after generation. It took women a long time to get away from our grandmother's version of what a good woman is. It was a lot of fight and a lot of pushback but it's worth it to stop undervaluing ourselves and expect more for ourselves than what we have always just 'understood' to expect. It will be the same uphill struggle for men to finally get out of their father's s**t, too. It doesn't help when there are people pushing this incel and alpha c**p on them, telling them women are the problem. Men need to really help each other more and be able to push back against those people trying to keep them insecure and angry.
Thank you. I want to punch my gender everytime they stick their foot in their mouth and say cr_p like housely duties. I usually retort something like "so u lived with ur mamma who did all your housely duties, and after dating, marrying, and consumating the wedding you now have a New housely duties scapegoat"!
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I guess his dad doesn't realize most landscapers are men, mostly because of the hard physical labor involved. Or that landscaping is a profitable business.
A 16 y/o with a green thumb for his plants taken away from him by his dad? How can he think he’s the arsehole for being upset!
Dude that's abuse! Get out out of there as soon as you can! Maybe your aunt will let you go live with her.
It's sad that a father would be so disrespectful to his child. I think his father has done permanent damage to their relationship and If I were the teen, I'd move as soon as I could. In the meantime, start by getting a part-time job and saving all your money and be gone when you graduate for HS. having a love of plants is just as masculine as the gym. Dad needs to grow up.
OP, it sounds like your dad is angry and abusive and that your mom takes his side. Please try becoming self-sufficient asap and get away from them. Could you go live with the aunt who gave you the plants? Murdering plants is just evil. Please keep gardening - the world needs more people like you!
I dont get how it's not a guy thing. Where i grew up, it was common that one person in the house did most of the gardening, slightly more men than women. but until I saw a few comments on BP - I had no concept of plants being unmanly. I actually just this second stopped posting to help my mum choose some flowers for an uncle. When coming up to visit my parents, I made sure to cut flowers to cheer up my husband. He will enjoy evenings looking after his tomatoes and peppers (he is competing with my Sister). In September, our class has been given extra budget to make a garden - boys and girls are equally excited. I spent years as a conservation officer, I did not see any gender difference (maybe grown ladies were a bit less inclined to take chainsaw skills). I cant see how growing plants can be seen dependent on your sex.
It’s the dad who’s not man enough. If you’re secure enough in yourself to do what you love, and to draw boundaries when he won’t accept it, you. Are. The. Bigger. MAN. Sensitivity and passion takes a man from likable as a main character to likable as the cuter guy we all wish was the main character. Pat yourself on the back, deal with your pain, get some more plants, go get some landscaping tools (even a cute tiny pair of pruning shears), and flex on your old man that he doesn’t know squat about how manly gardening can be. (I myself, as a girl think it’s just as feminine as it’s masculine, but it’s about self-actualisation here, which is a great really a form of self empowerment. Real Sissies are men who cannot do what they love because they fear it’s sissy. So in a way, your old man has more fear and less self-actualizing authentic masculinity than you. He is less empowered inside. He’s the one who needs to re-evaluate himself.)
I'm completely confused as to why plants are not a "guy" thing. I won't say it's the sexiest thing about my husband, but I bet it's on the "Best of" list. He's very intuitive and gentle with them. OK, he loves kids, cats (all animals really, but the govt won't him keep red pandas or a Pallas cat, don't think they'd like city living tho), cooking, his mandolin and me. Who and what he loves makes him incredibly special.Less of man? No. I'd say more. Definately more. I would believe that when he gets out into the world, he'll discover this is one of the things that will make him special to a "special someone.
My parents kicked it up a notch by having my siblings do the throwing out and destruction. Rock collection while I was doing my chores, cutting up some repair work and hammock I'd built in a tree, sticker collection, deleting my actual literal journal I was writing on an old computer I bought... I could go on.
Gracious, talk about abusive attempts to invalidate you. I say 'attempts' because I pray they didn't succeed. Hopefully, they only motivated you to succeed...Geologist, Carpenter, Author....? Keep at it no matter what comes at you. God bless...and a virtual hug. ❤️
Load More Replies... I wonder if there's any possibility of him moving in with the aunt and helping grow things at her farm? Sounds much more nurturing than his garbage dad.
Some people just shouldn't have kids. Or pets. What a miserable man that father is and the mom just passifies his bullying behavior. Gross. Stand up and defend your kid! This IS your hill lady.
The kid is great. Not sure how, with parents like that though.
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I don't like to trash a parent I'm front of their kid, but I will. Your dad has issues and most likely won't change. Not impossible, but improbable. Toxic males are the bane of society. Always have been.
There are a lot of parents out there that would love to have their kids have a constructive interest, as opposed to simply playing video games or worse yet having DEstructive interests. Interest in plants is healthy, could easily lead to a first job, and could even lead to a career. Add too that you grew them from seed! Your father is a complete BOOR, needs to grow up(!) and himself apologize! His actions sound like something out of a bad 1960's movie!! I feel for you!!
How incredibly childish and pathetic for an adult to act that way and toward their child nonetheless. First of all, I'm pretty sure gardening is as unisex a hobby as one could possibly chose and secondly...why is a grown a*s man butt hurt over someone not acknowledging their birthday? Grow up already. You can't have it both ways. You can either be childish and throw away something that was important to your son for no reason other than you are a bully and get an equally childish response(which to be fair...what other options were there bc this guy clearly isn't trying to listen to anyone) or you can love and respect your child and have that reciprocated. It sounds like the best thing he can do is save up all his potential "plant money" and get the hell away from there as soon as he's old enough.
Write a letter to your mum and dad explaining your feelings. Use some of the comments here for wording.
This made me really sad. That is such a heartless thing to do to your own son. Hopefully he’ll grow up to be a total opposite of that ”dad”.
Wow - what a horrible role model this poor boy has as a father. Nothing inside of him - no depth - no maturity. Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they have grown up. I have 2 plants that were more grandmother’s and they are some of my most precious possessions. I save wildflowers and native plants in my yard from my husband’s overzealous weedeating. I was mad when he deliberately whizzed a big thistle I was allowing to grow as a nod to my Scottish grandfather after I told him not to touch it. I get it.
If the dad is all butthurt about his son being pissed at him, I would totally throw that back in his face. "Complaining about not getting birthday greetings is not MASCULINE, bro. You need to MAN UP and SUCK IT UP." OP, you are NTA. Get out of that house as soon as you can. If school is truly online, maybe you can go live on your Aunt and Uncle's farm? I bet they would appreciate your green thumb.
Nothing wrong with a son taking care of flowers and plants, that’s a sign of a caring and nurturing child. I’d rather he take care of plants than be hanging in the streets doing illegal activities.
One of the most famous botanists ever and the father of the modern system of naming organisms was a dude named Carl Linneaus (Carl von Linné). OP:s dad is wrong for oh so many reasons.
Well, you know, he may just want some advice... not to be s'mothered
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And some people will still say that toxic masculinity doesn't exist at all or isn't a systemic issue...
Can you go.live with your aunt ? Both your parents are sending the wrong message Dad is a bully and doesn't care about your feelings Mum is backing that by not demanding an apology. Apparently neither has suggested you all sit down and work this out. Dad doesn't seem to put any thought into your interests only his own. Parents should nurture not destroy.
Is your dad allergic to any plants? Because I would grow EXCLUSIVELY that plant from now on. Go through away his tools, or destroy some project he worked hard on and call him a HYPOCRITE when he gets mad. FILM IT so you can share it with your entire family. Move in with your aunt in Wyoming and plant all you want. You dad is a pure POS. You should have given a right hook with ALL YOUVE GOT the moment you found out he threw away your property. But you waited too long now. You should empty out his wallet and throw the cash in the trash right in front of him. Tell him you know he worked hard for that money but he is a POS and you dont care. You should give him a pot of poison ivy for his birthday and then tell him to be careful when he eats a salad. I say he started a war. Does he mow the grass? Spray vinegar all over the front lawn. You could even write a nice message for him in the yard that will be permanently brown. Your parents are the AH. Fight fire with fire. And never say a word.
Your father is a jerk and a bully. I see no reason to talk to him either, until he 'mans' up and apologizes to you. Part of being an adult is owning your mistakes. Part of owning a mistake is making it right to the person who was wronged. Your father has some growing up to do.
The idea that raising plants is not a manly occupation is going to come as a bit of surprise to the people who spend their lives raising plants (growing crops) to feed the rest of us.
So sorry for your loss because they meant so much to you. Your father is a control freak trying to impose his will on you. I don’t know your age, but I think your silent treatment is justified. He wants you to do something that will make him look good. It’s all about him. Your mother is taking his side to avoid the punishment his anger will bring onto her. She is a victim of his anger too. Go stay with your aunt if possible. You’ll be better off.
Never in my family, from my parents to my grandchildren, anybody disrespected or hurt someone like that. Your faher' s judgement about your activity is totally irelevant. This is simply not something to be done. The best thing for you to heal is, 1. As suggested, find some way of planting away from your father's reach or later in life when you are independent. 2. Write him a note saying happy birthday and telling him you are open for further personal conversation if he wants to take up the matter about your plants. Don't let this hurt you too much.Teach him a lesson.
I have to say, I'm with the kid on this one. It's not like he was using or selling drugs. We wasn't wearing women's clothes. He was enjoying a hobby that is productive and quiet. First off, every one of my kids have gotten into marching band. It completely robs me of any time I try to spend with them. I hate it with a fiery passion and they know it, and know why. Second, my daughter's birthday is the day after mine. I have not had a birthday or a party since she was born. She is 19 now. I don't sit and b***h about it. If anything, I'm more pissed off about being robbed of my time with them so their school can win a f*****g trophy.
Dad NEEDS to apologize....what he fails to realize is that "hobby" is a VERY lucrative profession .... he CRUSHED his son ... the boy researched what was best for the plants that could be a future botanist or horticulturalist ... he does not know how far thatcould have gone ...as well as by next 2 years he might have another interest....... Not talking to dad and the rest he may have gone too far but put yourself in his shoes as adults that would be a lifetime ban ........Dad needs to man up and apologize for healing to occur.
NTA. My mom did something similar to this when I was younger. I had a book collection when I was in my teens, books that had been given to me by grandpa mixed in with books that I genuinely loved and wanted to keep them so I could reread them. I came home from school to my mom having a bonfire in the front yard. Now what was she burning? Dead leaves and every single one of my books. Now, the difference in my situation is that it wasn't done because of maliciousness; it was done because my mom didn't understand my attachment to books. She's someone who will read a book once and throw it away right after, she doesn't keep them. I was still mad though because she burned books that had sentimental value to me, books that I couldn't replace because many of them couldn't be found in stores after that. I gave her the silent treatment for over a month and still haven't fully forgiven her for that.
My mother did something like that to me. She took things that brought me joy. She did it to vex me, just because. So, I stole her jewelry. When she couldn't find them, she asked me about them. I said, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe you should look for them where you put my stuff that you stole from me." She never got her jewelry back.
His Dad is a judgemental prick. It makes me wonder how he'd treat his son if he was gay or bi. That kind of a "father" would turn his son out and never speak to him again. I don't blame the OP for not wanting to start more plants for fear of dad tossing them all out again. Where was his mom when dad started his murderous killing spree? Couldn't she have stopped him? I know some will say, "Oh. He's your dad. He won't be around forever, you should forgive him, blah blah." Why? Being a sperm donor does not make you a father. A REAL father, even if he didn't understand his son's hobby would have respected his son's love of his plants. Personally, I am appalled that a parent would do this! The OP bought his equipments, soil & pots on his own. Nothing from Dad's pocket. I'm impressed OP was able to grow a peace lily from seed! I sometimes have trouble keeping an established one alive after its flowered. I doubt his dad will ever apologize. He's one of those who always has to be right.
This is a great lesson for the dad. You can do what you want to people, but what you can't take away from them is the option to have nothing to do with you as a result. Dad can sit and think about how to repair this or live with the consequences indefinitely. Family members who are abusive bullies somehow also have the arrogance to think everyone is obligated to keep coming back for more. Not so. A tough but important lesson. Your options are to change your behavior in an authentic and meaningful way or find yourself on the outside of someone's life.
I'm literally crying for OP. The hard work the dedication that it takes to raise a plant from a seed 😭😭😭 Plus for someone to trample on your effort with no care in the world. Don't wanna cry op it's okay to do it. Raising plants is not an easy task. One screw up could kill a plant in a day.
Your mom should insist that your father apologizes to you for hurting you like that. Instead she is telling you that you have gone too far with your silence. Moms are suppose to protect their kids from bullies, especially bullies in the home. You live with two bullies as far as I am concern. Continue doing your gardening, I don't think he will interfere with them next time. DO NOT wish him happy birthday this year ..he does not deserve it. Grow up Dad!!
This dad is an a*****e and I'm willing to bet his mom has had to do plenty more back breaking placating to keep her marriage "happy". This son does not owe his dad attention. This is the cost for his c**p behavior. Maybe if he spent more time with plants he'd understand that we all reap what we have sown. And no, growing and nurturing plants and/or animals is not "gay", not that there's anything wrong with that either. I hope this kid gets on the next bus to his Aunt's house as soon as he can.
Kid should sneak into his dad's bedroom at 4 AM and cut his fuc king throat then chop his stupid carcass up into little pieces and use them to fertilize a new batch of plants.
Young man, my husband had thecgreenist thumb ever!! I hope you restart your hobby, and grow it into a business. That's what my husband did.
I hope you kept the receipts for all the pots and soil, etc. you purchased. Tally it and give the bill plus your time to your Dad, with the notation that the grief of his actions stole your words. Those words that he's better off not hearing. Until he understands the heinous act of stealing your property and throwing away months of hard work on an enjoyable project, invading your privacy and nefariously doing all of this behind your back while you were away, you will not be talking with him. How could anyone who claims to be a caring parent do such a cruel, unkind thing and be then supported by the other parent?? What is wrong with you two?? You are so blessed with a wonderful son who wants to grow beautiful healthy plants and has a green thumb! It's not a he/she thing but a human thing to want to grow plants!! The father wants him to do other things but doesn't seem capable of positive alternative ideas. Kid, your father's a dufus. You rock.
That's terrible. The father has a lot of making up to do. Ouch. That's like ripping someone's heart out. Plants are a living thing, and he killed them.
These are things I know: 1) gardening is addictive- I've even thought of holding a sign- will work for plants! 2) I know too well about toxic father
He destroyed a living thing... Something you helped grow, as casually as he would kill an animal or someone else's child. I wouldn't talk to him ever again....
NTA, should have broken his dad's jaw "want me to do man things how about protecting my property?"
Hhmmmm... NTA!!! Gardening is not un-manly! I watched mamy men in my family raise gardens & do their own landscaping. Several WWII veterans & from other wars. Gardening, growing roses, fruit trees, etc saved my maternal grandpa's life! As well as fed our large extended family well for decades. Not to mention...feeding this nation for 4 generations, we're bring 5 generation on board this harvest!! Lastly, plants have saved my life. I battle sever anxiety/depression & PTSD. "Playing in the dirt" as I call it helps me cope with it all. I focus mostly on cacti, geraniums & succulents. I need easier care plants, just in case "the dragons trap me in the dungeon"...my illnesses get outta control. I may not have strength for days or even a week. Those plants gotta be tough...
I actually relate to this post. A few months ago I was babysitting a family friend and we were printing. She got a little drop of paint on her chair and my mother was FURIOUS, completely blamed me and proceeded to throw out all of my previous paints. Every. Single. One. I am so angry with her. I haven't spoken to her since. She's teaching not just me but my siblings that mistakes are not tolerable, that we have to be basically perfect all the time, and I really don't like that.
painting not printing, and precious not previous. my typing lol
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growing plants isn't manly? wtf news to me as a darn farmer that I'm not manly apparently. guess his dad would rather be macho and starve to death
The dad is the dumb one. Does he not know men have been gardeners since the beginning of civilization?
The moment he's near his death bed, throw him out. Don't waste time taking care of him, don't waste YOUR money putting him in a nursing home. Real men shouldn't need another man taking care of him. Tell him that before you turn your back on him so he may die a lonely death
I misread the headline as "....took away his pants". That would be even worse.
Does that mean male farmers aren't manly? They probably do more work in half a month than OP's father does in half a year.
The father is completely out of line. He has made a egregious error. He's the one in the wrong. He should be begging his son for forgiveness even though he doesn't deserve it. I advise the father to get himself to a Garden center and replace every plant he destroyed and offer to fund his son's hobby. He needs to realize how far over the line he crossed. A very sincere apology is required. He better make it damn convincing.
Growing plants leads to gardening and gardening leads to farming wonder if he goes out and burns crops down or tells big burly farmers that to grow things is dumb bet not
My husband is a country boy, loves his trucks and hunting and does manual labor 80 hours a week, covered in tattoos. He is magical with plants and has an amazing green thumb. He grows plants all summer- watermelon, strawbwrrie, peppers, green beans and pumpkins. He grew rare pine trees from twigs from the "mother tree" that fell on the ground. Its a beautiful hobby and he is great at it. Also very lucrative as he has been able to revive anything and regrow rare plants and trees. How is this not "manly" enough? Plants are not for "women only", not flowers or any other type. I kill everything I touch and try to buy at the store but my husband has to come to their rescue after a week because I am hopeless. This story is so disturbing to me. Your son has a magic green thumb and there are many successful careers to come from growing plants and many wonderful lessons on patience, nurturing and the rewards that come from months of hard work and care. What a shame.
The dad is dead wrong. This the s**t the world is talking about now. It was nothing wrong with his son taking care of plants and least he not getting into trouble or stuck on the internet all day. He had a real life, hands on hobby and u destroyed it. The father may destroyed his son's plants but what he really destroyed is the real genuine relationship he may have had with his son. Father needs to take responsibility and accountability for his wrong action and open his blind eyes
NTA. Know that BOTH your parents are wrong AND ASSHOLES. Plant your gardens in your mind (for now) if that's what it takes~~visit the *good* gardening shops and make friends with the growers there. Don't let idiot's decide your life for you. When you get back to a classroom, talk about these issues with a teacher, counselor, or Principal. They may have a place where you can grow your plants *and* feel safe doing so. I'm so sorry that those who are supposed to nurture you are being the most abusive. Forgive them when YOU choose to, not because someone demands it. Until then, grow your gardens in your heart and save your money. If you choose college, take a gardening major~~in the US, parents have no access to a kid's records , even if they're the ones paying for it. BTW, there are scholarships for gardening/botany/farming, etc. Look into those schools now. Michigan State has a top~notch program. I'm looking forward to seeing YOU bloom! ***HUUUGGS*** from another Gardener.😊
Dad's wrong. Mom's wrong. Kid is NTA and is owed an apology and new plants. Dad is definitely the A. Dad needs some serious therapy to deal with his obvious problems.
Would your grandma be willing to take you in? Sounds like your father is oppressing you and that just isn't fair. Would he rather you enjoyed growing flowers or would he prefer you to get into trouble by using drugs and abusing alcohol? At least this hobby is keeping you out of trouble and it makes you happy.
NTA. Your father irreparably damaged his relationship you. I wouldn't talk to him either. You're 16, you can get a job at one of your local nurseries where you can take care of plants and get employee discounts on purchases. Your mother is wrong. You have nothing to get over. Your dad, however, if he ever wants to have a relationship with you needs to realize how wrong he was and apologize. If things don't improve at home, maybe you could go live with your aunt until you're ready to head off for college. I'm sorry your parents suck so much.
Considering what I was doing at that age, he should be grateful his son found a decent hobby to occupy his free time. There are so many benefits to Gardening. It teaches discipline, hard work, patience, dedication, respect, responsibility, etc. It's also good for stress and depression and it's incredibly rewarding! His father is a POS for destroying that for his son just because he thinks it's not manly and doesn't understand it. And the mother telling him to get over it after a week when the father can't even apologize and make it right, I feel so bad for this kid. He could be out running the streets, doing drugs and getting into trouble but instead he just wanted to grow some plants. Parents need to respect their kids individuality and encourage them when they find a hobby they enjoy. I can't stand Parents that try to force their kids into hobbies/sports/etc just because they enjoy it. Like fathers that try to force their sons to play sports when they're interested in other things.
I was a kid in the 70s to 80s. A family member bought each of us kids a plant one year. It's something all the people in the family did, not sure why but it was normal for me when I finally got my own to want it. Mine was a coleus. It was this tiny thing in the middle of a big ole hanging pot. I started imitating what everyone else did. I had no clue what I was doing. I just did things I'd seen from other family members. I climbed up on the counter to see it cause I was so freaking short. I'd talk to it every time I gave it water. I'd pull the curtains in too bright sunlight. I was always checking to roots and vines. I removed dead leaves and crumbled them into the soil. I'd turn the plant every couple of days. It got so big so fast no one could figure it out. A few years later we got a new military posting that took us all the way across the country. I was cheesed off. That plant was so big they took shoots from it every few weeks to give to different family members and friends. Ok np...
They packed up tons of plants from the maternal unit, and the plants for the siblings. Mine wasn't. They decided to give it to maternal units mother. It was too big. There's no room. All the other plants are too important to leave behind. You can have cuttings from siblings plant. Oh sibling doesn't want to give you shoots or cuttings, we will figure something else out. (They didn't). That was 1980. I was so mad. That plant lived until a few years ago when the grand maternal until passed away. I'm not sure if it survived after that. She passed in '07. I was never allowed to have it back. Nor was I ever given another plant from them. If someone tried giving me a plant as an adult it's always a rubber tree for some reason. I have no clue why. I find it a new home. I haven't had plants since then. Why would my plant I clearly took care of not make the trip but plants that were not as hardy could? Why couldn't I get it back after another posting moved us so much closer? It never regained the growth...
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NTA!! Dad thinks son's hobby is "a waste of time" and "not manly"?? Would that father say the same thing to the hundreds of farmers, arborists, agricultural specialists, ANY MAN whose career revolves around plants?? He should think about it the next time he stands in the shade of a tree, or admires his neighbor's topiary, and start talking to them; he'd be surprised at what he learns, that their love of nature started with caring for small plants! That's usually enough to make him "see the light", and eventually he will apologize for destroying your plants in his way (buying you new plants, getting you a seed catalog and planting tools, maybe even gifting you a room where you can grow your plants in peace). Dad should also remember that even the most "manly" of men can have the most sensitive of hearts!
I would go so far as to say it's not 'silent treatment' as that is suggesting you're doing that until you get your own way, this is silence simply because you have nothing to say to this man. Same with wishing him a happy birthday. Why would you? You don't wish him a happy day. He doesn't deserve one. I don't understand, at all, how tending plants isn't 'manly'. My FIL grew prize winning chrysanthemum, my Husband inherited that plant growing ability from him. Dare I say it is actually more a male hobby than female. If truth be known. Most gardening clubs have a larger male membership. I am intrigued by what he wants the OP to do instead. What hobbies he feels more 'macho'. Does Dad have any hobbies of his own? My parents didn't and couldn't understand anyone who did. What was grandad like? Not that any of it excuses his behaviour but I just wonder what's going on in his mind. Now that we're out of lockdown is there anywhere you could go, out of the house? Don't let him put you off.
Growing plants isn't "manly"? As a 39 year old guy whose other hobbies (besides growing a small collection of succulents) include bodybuilding, power lifting, wristwatches, home improvement, car repair and tech repair... He can come say that to me in person and see if he thinks I'm not masculine enough. Also he can go tell every farmer on earth that they aren't manly, or the farmers who basically founded civilization thousands of years ago.
Anyone throws my plats away I'm nevee speaking to them again. I might not be the best at taking kare of them, but I love them. And to throw away a living thing... Get out of that house as soon as posible and grow a beautiful garden somewhere
This is absolutely wrong with what the dad did, and now the mom. 1st, the dad overstepped his parenting and became a insensative, narcissistic bully. It's obvious he's uncaring and not in tune with his son and focused on his own idiotic thought of how "guys should". OP doesnt owe him an apology. The dad owes him after seeing how much pain he created. The mother also needs to continue standing by her son encouraging the dad to apologize and understand why his son loves gardening. At least OP isn't into drugs, dealing or doing anything wrong, he was channeling his energy into something good. Some business could have been made here. The father could've guided him into working as a designer for landscaping beautiful homes, or something in that line working with plants. Trust is earned, and his father just tossed what little bit he had away by being a jerk.
I might never talk to my dad again for the rest of my life if he did something like that, so ignoring him on his birthday is just part of it. What a horrible, controlling, father. Idk how he can even make up for what he did, an apology is definitely not enough. I mean he owes his son the entire backyard now, at the very least.
I would ask my aunt to move with her. It's clear the dad is a bully and doesn't want his boy doing "sissy" stuff. Tell that to a farmer and watch your teeth vanish.
Poor, poor kid! His parents haven't just destroyed his plants, they've destroyed his trust and so much more. In a few years they'll wonder why their son has moved away and doesn't speak to them at all anymore. I wish I could give him a hug.
NTA if I spent time growing something from the ground and it was destroyed I would be pissed too. Your father sounds like a douche that is afraid to be vulnerable.
Bored Panda are the ahs, I can't help it if my comments are usually just a couple of words and I type quickly. Commenting too quickly my a*s,
NTA I have a peace Lilly and have for 20+ years. F your dad bro. Mine tried to act like this to just BE A MAN. I'm sorry I'm not in to hookers and alcohol like that. He took your hobby and s**t on it. I wouldn't talk to my dad either. I would expect an apology and my plants back. That's right make him take you to a nursery and buy all new plants.
He is rigth gor not wanting to talk to his father but he is leaving under his dads roof so the 16 YO needs to get a job. And start paying for some bills.
What the dad has been doing is the opposite of caring for and supporting his family. He is bullying and belitting his son for a perfectly normal hobby and trying to control him. That is the definition of toxic masculinity.
Load More Replies... How about, "It's stupid to waste time destroying your kid's property, and it's not a 'parent thing.'" The father is alienating his son and stealing from him. It's not going to make the son question his love for plants. It's just going to make him question his love for his overcontrolling, mean-spirited Dad.
The father saw his child taking time and enjoyment with a healthy hobby and gave him a big 'f**k you' when he threw out not one but ALL of his plants.' Then he's bothered when his kid responds the same. Father is a real asshat.
Load More Replies... So shītty. How is gardening not a "guy" thing? Sorry but the stereotypical male retiree in the US usually becomes a gardener because not only is it fulfilling , wait for it, it requires hard work and dedication (two traits looked for in a "guy "). And I'm pretty sure all farmers across the globe would disagree and say it most certainly is a "guy" thing
Exactly! And most farmers used to be male... I'm starting to think some people have gone too far with feminine or masculine labelling. Anything you're passionate about regardless of being great or not so great should be celebrated. Hobbies and interests build personality.
Load More Replies... This story is absolutely breaking my heart. I love that this young man has discovered the joy of nurturing something. I wish he could just go live on the farm away from his aunt and uncle (maybe his uncle should talk with his dad about the "manliness" of growing things?)
To use an apt proverb, "you reap what you sow". I think the father is finding that out, and given that there has been no apology and attempt at restitution from the one to blame, I see no reason why the kid should have to change his position. Just so it's clear, I don't have this opinion because I'm a similar age to this young man, because I'm an old fart of 65. A$$hole behaviour warrants an appropriate response.
I would have absolutely lost it on my husband for doing that to our child. My son would have come home to $1,000 worth of new plants, greenhouse, fertilizers, tools and we would do it together from then on out. Screw that dad for belittling his son and his interests.
If I was the mom, dad would have been sleeping on the couch or in a hotel but certainly not near me until he had fixed all he could and sincerely appologized AND stopped bullying my son.
Load More Replies... My dad did the same and my mom defended him i wanted to be an artist and a writer he sauid it would be a waste of time and threw it all out, we dont speak now for that and many other reasons, my mother laughed it off and said its not a big deal just re do them, pathetic, your parents are assholes, gardening is genderless and where does he think he gets his food from, freaking gardening, god is he so stupid, get yourself an allotment, theyre very cheap and you can grow anything, you can also sell your stuff too, i think you should consider this hobby as a career as youre clearly very good at it
Throw away something of his that he spends time on and see how he likes it.
Toxic a*****e like his dad will probably beat the c**p out of him.
Load More Replies... Your dad has zero idea just how lucrative a business it can be to run a nursery, to be able to grow beautiful plants from seeds, and potentially grow and nurture some very VERY high value rare plants as well—-some bonsai, orchids, variegated monstera, etc can worth in the thousands to tens of thousands, some of them up to over a million dollars! Potted plants, similar to the ones your dad thought were a waste of your time and threw out like garbage. At 16, you have found a talent and possible calling. Major in Botany in college, take some landscape design classes, as well as a few business classes (to run your own business), and you will have a lucrative career path totally set. There are even government botanists who care for the landscaping at important government buildings, such as the White House—-and they make some serious bank! You could end up making WAY more money from your “stupid waste of time”, non-“guy” career than your dad could ever even dream of making from his macho job. Just two more years, and you’re out of there. Get a job at a nursery, go to night school for your degree, and you are set.
It'll be really great when men start to realize that other men are what's keeping the cycle of abuse and fear and toxic masculinity c**p going generation after generation. It took women a long time to get away from our grandmother's version of what a good woman is. It was a lot of fight and a lot of pushback but it's worth it to stop undervaluing ourselves and expect more for ourselves than what we have always just 'understood' to expect. It will be the same uphill struggle for men to finally get out of their father's s**t, too. It doesn't help when there are people pushing this incel and alpha c**p on them, telling them women are the problem. Men need to really help each other more and be able to push back against those people trying to keep them insecure and angry.
Thank you. I want to punch my gender everytime they stick their foot in their mouth and say cr_p like housely duties. I usually retort something like "so u lived with ur mamma who did all your housely duties, and after dating, marrying, and consumating the wedding you now have a New housely duties scapegoat"!
Load More Replies... I guess his dad doesn't realize most landscapers are men, mostly because of the hard physical labor involved. Or that landscaping is a profitable business.
A 16 y/o with a green thumb for his plants taken away from him by his dad? How can he think he’s the arsehole for being upset!
Dude that's abuse! Get out out of there as soon as you can! Maybe your aunt will let you go live with her.
It's sad that a father would be so disrespectful to his child. I think his father has done permanent damage to their relationship and If I were the teen, I'd move as soon as I could. In the meantime, start by getting a part-time job and saving all your money and be gone when you graduate for HS. having a love of plants is just as masculine as the gym. Dad needs to grow up.
OP, it sounds like your dad is angry and abusive and that your mom takes his side. Please try becoming self-sufficient asap and get away from them. Could you go live with the aunt who gave you the plants? Murdering plants is just evil. Please keep gardening - the world needs more people like you!
I dont get how it's not a guy thing. Where i grew up, it was common that one person in the house did most of the gardening, slightly more men than women. but until I saw a few comments on BP - I had no concept of plants being unmanly. I actually just this second stopped posting to help my mum choose some flowers for an uncle. When coming up to visit my parents, I made sure to cut flowers to cheer up my husband. He will enjoy evenings looking after his tomatoes and peppers (he is competing with my Sister). In September, our class has been given extra budget to make a garden - boys and girls are equally excited. I spent years as a conservation officer, I did not see any gender difference (maybe grown ladies were a bit less inclined to take chainsaw skills). I cant see how growing plants can be seen dependent on your sex.
It’s the dad who’s not man enough. If you’re secure enough in yourself to do what you love, and to draw boundaries when he won’t accept it, you. Are. The. Bigger. MAN. Sensitivity and passion takes a man from likable as a main character to likable as the cuter guy we all wish was the main character. Pat yourself on the back, deal with your pain, get some more plants, go get some landscaping tools (even a cute tiny pair of pruning shears), and flex on your old man that he doesn’t know squat about how manly gardening can be. (I myself, as a girl think it’s just as feminine as it’s masculine, but it’s about self-actualisation here, which is a great really a form of self empowerment. Real Sissies are men who cannot do what they love because they fear it’s sissy. So in a way, your old man has more fear and less self-actualizing authentic masculinity than you. He is less empowered inside. He’s the one who needs to re-evaluate himself.)
I'm completely confused as to why plants are not a "guy" thing. I won't say it's the sexiest thing about my husband, but I bet it's on the "Best of" list. He's very intuitive and gentle with them. OK, he loves kids, cats (all animals really, but the govt won't him keep red pandas or a Pallas cat, don't think they'd like city living tho), cooking, his mandolin and me. Who and what he loves makes him incredibly special.Less of man? No. I'd say more. Definately more. I would believe that when he gets out into the world, he'll discover this is one of the things that will make him special to a "special someone.
My parents kicked it up a notch by having my siblings do the throwing out and destruction. Rock collection while I was doing my chores, cutting up some repair work and hammock I'd built in a tree, sticker collection, deleting my actual literal journal I was writing on an old computer I bought... I could go on.
Gracious, talk about abusive attempts to invalidate you. I say 'attempts' because I pray they didn't succeed. Hopefully, they only motivated you to succeed...Geologist, Carpenter, Author....? Keep at it no matter what comes at you. God bless...and a virtual hug. ❤️
Load More Replies... I wonder if there's any possibility of him moving in with the aunt and helping grow things at her farm? Sounds much more nurturing than his garbage dad.
Some people just shouldn't have kids. Or pets. What a miserable man that father is and the mom just passifies his bullying behavior. Gross. Stand up and defend your kid! This IS your hill lady.
The kid is great. Not sure how, with parents like that though.
Load More Replies... I don't like to trash a parent I'm front of their kid, but I will. Your dad has issues and most likely won't change. Not impossible, but improbable. Toxic males are the bane of society. Always have been.
There are a lot of parents out there that would love to have their kids have a constructive interest, as opposed to simply playing video games or worse yet having DEstructive interests. Interest in plants is healthy, could easily lead to a first job, and could even lead to a career. Add too that you grew them from seed! Your father is a complete BOOR, needs to grow up(!) and himself apologize! His actions sound like something out of a bad 1960's movie!! I feel for you!!
How incredibly childish and pathetic for an adult to act that way and toward their child nonetheless. First of all, I'm pretty sure gardening is as unisex a hobby as one could possibly chose and secondly...why is a grown a*s man butt hurt over someone not acknowledging their birthday? Grow up already. You can't have it both ways. You can either be childish and throw away something that was important to your son for no reason other than you are a bully and get an equally childish response(which to be fair...what other options were there bc this guy clearly isn't trying to listen to anyone) or you can love and respect your child and have that reciprocated. It sounds like the best thing he can do is save up all his potential "plant money" and get the hell away from there as soon as he's old enough.
Write a letter to your mum and dad explaining your feelings. Use some of the comments here for wording.
This made me really sad. That is such a heartless thing to do to your own son. Hopefully he’ll grow up to be a total opposite of that ”dad”.
Wow - what a horrible role model this poor boy has as a father. Nothing inside of him - no depth - no maturity. Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they have grown up. I have 2 plants that were more grandmother’s and they are some of my most precious possessions. I save wildflowers and native plants in my yard from my husband’s overzealous weedeating. I was mad when he deliberately whizzed a big thistle I was allowing to grow as a nod to my Scottish grandfather after I told him not to touch it. I get it.
If the dad is all butthurt about his son being pissed at him, I would totally throw that back in his face. "Complaining about not getting birthday greetings is not MASCULINE, bro. You need to MAN UP and SUCK IT UP." OP, you are NTA. Get out of that house as soon as you can. If school is truly online, maybe you can go live on your Aunt and Uncle's farm? I bet they would appreciate your green thumb.
Nothing wrong with a son taking care of flowers and plants, that’s a sign of a caring and nurturing child. I’d rather he take care of plants than be hanging in the streets doing illegal activities.
One of the most famous botanists ever and the father of the modern system of naming organisms was a dude named Carl Linneaus (Carl von Linné). OP:s dad is wrong for oh so many reasons.
Well, you know, he may just want some advice... not to be s'mothered
Load More Replies... And some people will still say that toxic masculinity doesn't exist at all or isn't a systemic issue...
Can you go.live with your aunt ? Both your parents are sending the wrong message Dad is a bully and doesn't care about your feelings Mum is backing that by not demanding an apology. Apparently neither has suggested you all sit down and work this out. Dad doesn't seem to put any thought into your interests only his own. Parents should nurture not destroy.
Is your dad allergic to any plants? Because I would grow EXCLUSIVELY that plant from now on. Go through away his tools, or destroy some project he worked hard on and call him a HYPOCRITE when he gets mad. FILM IT so you can share it with your entire family. Move in with your aunt in Wyoming and plant all you want. You dad is a pure POS. You should have given a right hook with ALL YOUVE GOT the moment you found out he threw away your property. But you waited too long now. You should empty out his wallet and throw the cash in the trash right in front of him. Tell him you know he worked hard for that money but he is a POS and you dont care. You should give him a pot of poison ivy for his birthday and then tell him to be careful when he eats a salad. I say he started a war. Does he mow the grass? Spray vinegar all over the front lawn. You could even write a nice message for him in the yard that will be permanently brown. Your parents are the AH. Fight fire with fire. And never say a word.
Your father is a jerk and a bully. I see no reason to talk to him either, until he 'mans' up and apologizes to you. Part of being an adult is owning your mistakes. Part of owning a mistake is making it right to the person who was wronged. Your father has some growing up to do.
The idea that raising plants is not a manly occupation is going to come as a bit of surprise to the people who spend their lives raising plants (growing crops) to feed the rest of us.
So sorry for your loss because they meant so much to you. Your father is a control freak trying to impose his will on you. I don’t know your age, but I think your silent treatment is justified. He wants you to do something that will make him look good. It’s all about him. Your mother is taking his side to avoid the punishment his anger will bring onto her. She is a victim of his anger too. Go stay with your aunt if possible. You’ll be better off.
Never in my family, from my parents to my grandchildren, anybody disrespected or hurt someone like that. Your faher' s judgement about your activity is totally irelevant. This is simply not something to be done. The best thing for you to heal is, 1. As suggested, find some way of planting away from your father's reach or later in life when you are independent. 2. Write him a note saying happy birthday and telling him you are open for further personal conversation if he wants to take up the matter about your plants. Don't let this hurt you too much.Teach him a lesson.
I have to say, I'm with the kid on this one. It's not like he was using or selling drugs. We wasn't wearing women's clothes. He was enjoying a hobby that is productive and quiet. First off, every one of my kids have gotten into marching band. It completely robs me of any time I try to spend with them. I hate it with a fiery passion and they know it, and know why. Second, my daughter's birthday is the day after mine. I have not had a birthday or a party since she was born. She is 19 now. I don't sit and b***h about it. If anything, I'm more pissed off about being robbed of my time with them so their school can win a f*****g trophy.
Dad NEEDS to apologize....what he fails to realize is that "hobby" is a VERY lucrative profession .... he CRUSHED his son ... the boy researched what was best for the plants that could be a future botanist or horticulturalist ... he does not know how far thatcould have gone ...as well as by next 2 years he might have another interest....... Not talking to dad and the rest he may have gone too far but put yourself in his shoes as adults that would be a lifetime ban ........Dad needs to man up and apologize for healing to occur.
NTA. My mom did something similar to this when I was younger. I had a book collection when I was in my teens, books that had been given to me by grandpa mixed in with books that I genuinely loved and wanted to keep them so I could reread them. I came home from school to my mom having a bonfire in the front yard. Now what was she burning? Dead leaves and every single one of my books. Now, the difference in my situation is that it wasn't done because of maliciousness; it was done because my mom didn't understand my attachment to books. She's someone who will read a book once and throw it away right after, she doesn't keep them. I was still mad though because she burned books that had sentimental value to me, books that I couldn't replace because many of them couldn't be found in stores after that. I gave her the silent treatment for over a month and still haven't fully forgiven her for that.
My mother did something like that to me. She took things that brought me joy. She did it to vex me, just because. So, I stole her jewelry. When she couldn't find them, she asked me about them. I said, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe you should look for them where you put my stuff that you stole from me." She never got her jewelry back.
His Dad is a judgemental prick. It makes me wonder how he'd treat his son if he was gay or bi. That kind of a "father" would turn his son out and never speak to him again. I don't blame the OP for not wanting to start more plants for fear of dad tossing them all out again. Where was his mom when dad started his murderous killing spree? Couldn't she have stopped him? I know some will say, "Oh. He's your dad. He won't be around forever, you should forgive him, blah blah." Why? Being a sperm donor does not make you a father. A REAL father, even if he didn't understand his son's hobby would have respected his son's love of his plants. Personally, I am appalled that a parent would do this! The OP bought his equipments, soil & pots on his own. Nothing from Dad's pocket. I'm impressed OP was able to grow a peace lily from seed! I sometimes have trouble keeping an established one alive after its flowered. I doubt his dad will ever apologize. He's one of those who always has to be right.
This is a great lesson for the dad. You can do what you want to people, but what you can't take away from them is the option to have nothing to do with you as a result. Dad can sit and think about how to repair this or live with the consequences indefinitely. Family members who are abusive bullies somehow also have the arrogance to think everyone is obligated to keep coming back for more. Not so. A tough but important lesson. Your options are to change your behavior in an authentic and meaningful way or find yourself on the outside of someone's life.
I'm literally crying for OP. The hard work the dedication that it takes to raise a plant from a seed 😭😭😭 Plus for someone to trample on your effort with no care in the world. Don't wanna cry op it's okay to do it. Raising plants is not an easy task. One screw up could kill a plant in a day.
Your mom should insist that your father apologizes to you for hurting you like that. Instead she is telling you that you have gone too far with your silence. Moms are suppose to protect their kids from bullies, especially bullies in the home. You live with two bullies as far as I am concern. Continue doing your gardening, I don't think he will interfere with them next time. DO NOT wish him happy birthday this year ..he does not deserve it. Grow up Dad!!
This dad is an a*****e and I'm willing to bet his mom has had to do plenty more back breaking placating to keep her marriage "happy". This son does not owe his dad attention. This is the cost for his c**p behavior. Maybe if he spent more time with plants he'd understand that we all reap what we have sown. And no, growing and nurturing plants and/or animals is not "gay", not that there's anything wrong with that either. I hope this kid gets on the next bus to his Aunt's house as soon as he can.
Kid should sneak into his dad's bedroom at 4 AM and cut his fuc king throat then chop his stupid carcass up into little pieces and use them to fertilize a new batch of plants.
Young man, my husband had thecgreenist thumb ever!! I hope you restart your hobby, and grow it into a business. That's what my husband did.
I hope you kept the receipts for all the pots and soil, etc. you purchased. Tally it and give the bill plus your time to your Dad, with the notation that the grief of his actions stole your words. Those words that he's better off not hearing. Until he understands the heinous act of stealing your property and throwing away months of hard work on an enjoyable project, invading your privacy and nefariously doing all of this behind your back while you were away, you will not be talking with him. How could anyone who claims to be a caring parent do such a cruel, unkind thing and be then supported by the other parent?? What is wrong with you two?? You are so blessed with a wonderful son who wants to grow beautiful healthy plants and has a green thumb! It's not a he/she thing but a human thing to want to grow plants!! The father wants him to do other things but doesn't seem capable of positive alternative ideas. Kid, your father's a dufus. You rock.
That's terrible. The father has a lot of making up to do. Ouch. That's like ripping someone's heart out. Plants are a living thing, and he killed them.
These are things I know: 1) gardening is addictive- I've even thought of holding a sign- will work for plants! 2) I know too well about toxic father
He destroyed a living thing... Something you helped grow, as casually as he would kill an animal or someone else's child. I wouldn't talk to him ever again....
NTA, should have broken his dad's jaw "want me to do man things how about protecting my property?"
Hhmmmm... NTA!!! Gardening is not un-manly! I watched mamy men in my family raise gardens & do their own landscaping. Several WWII veterans & from other wars. Gardening, growing roses, fruit trees, etc saved my maternal grandpa's life! As well as fed our large extended family well for decades. Not to mention...feeding this nation for 4 generations, we're bring 5 generation on board this harvest!! Lastly, plants have saved my life. I battle sever anxiety/depression & PTSD. "Playing in the dirt" as I call it helps me cope with it all. I focus mostly on cacti, geraniums & succulents. I need easier care plants, just in case "the dragons trap me in the dungeon"...my illnesses get outta control. I may not have strength for days or even a week. Those plants gotta be tough...
I actually relate to this post. A few months ago I was babysitting a family friend and we were printing. She got a little drop of paint on her chair and my mother was FURIOUS, completely blamed me and proceeded to throw out all of my previous paints. Every. Single. One. I am so angry with her. I haven't spoken to her since. She's teaching not just me but my siblings that mistakes are not tolerable, that we have to be basically perfect all the time, and I really don't like that.
painting not printing, and precious not previous. my typing lol
Load More Replies... growing plants isn't manly? wtf news to me as a darn farmer that I'm not manly apparently. guess his dad would rather be macho and starve to death
The dad is the dumb one. Does he not know men have been gardeners since the beginning of civilization?
The moment he's near his death bed, throw him out. Don't waste time taking care of him, don't waste YOUR money putting him in a nursing home. Real men shouldn't need another man taking care of him. Tell him that before you turn your back on him so he may die a lonely death
I misread the headline as "....took away his pants". That would be even worse.
Does that mean male farmers aren't manly? They probably do more work in half a month than OP's father does in half a year.
The father is completely out of line. He has made a egregious error. He's the one in the wrong. He should be begging his son for forgiveness even though he doesn't deserve it. I advise the father to get himself to a Garden center and replace every plant he destroyed and offer to fund his son's hobby. He needs to realize how far over the line he crossed. A very sincere apology is required. He better make it damn convincing.
Growing plants leads to gardening and gardening leads to farming wonder if he goes out and burns crops down or tells big burly farmers that to grow things is dumb bet not
My husband is a country boy, loves his trucks and hunting and does manual labor 80 hours a week, covered in tattoos. He is magical with plants and has an amazing green thumb. He grows plants all summer- watermelon, strawbwrrie, peppers, green beans and pumpkins. He grew rare pine trees from twigs from the "mother tree" that fell on the ground. Its a beautiful hobby and he is great at it. Also very lucrative as he has been able to revive anything and regrow rare plants and trees. How is this not "manly" enough? Plants are not for "women only", not flowers or any other type. I kill everything I touch and try to buy at the store but my husband has to come to their rescue after a week because I am hopeless. This story is so disturbing to me. Your son has a magic green thumb and there are many successful careers to come from growing plants and many wonderful lessons on patience, nurturing and the rewards that come from months of hard work and care. What a shame.
The dad is dead wrong. This the s**t the world is talking about now. It was nothing wrong with his son taking care of plants and least he not getting into trouble or stuck on the internet all day. He had a real life, hands on hobby and u destroyed it. The father may destroyed his son's plants but what he really destroyed is the real genuine relationship he may have had with his son. Father needs to take responsibility and accountability for his wrong action and open his blind eyes
NTA. Know that BOTH your parents are wrong AND ASSHOLES. Plant your gardens in your mind (for now) if that's what it takes~~visit the *good* gardening shops and make friends with the growers there. Don't let idiot's decide your life for you. When you get back to a classroom, talk about these issues with a teacher, counselor, or Principal. They may have a place where you can grow your plants *and* feel safe doing so. I'm so sorry that those who are supposed to nurture you are being the most abusive. Forgive them when YOU choose to, not because someone demands it. Until then, grow your gardens in your heart and save your money. If you choose college, take a gardening major~~in the US, parents have no access to a kid's records , even if they're the ones paying for it. BTW, there are scholarships for gardening/botany/farming, etc. Look into those schools now. Michigan State has a top~notch program. I'm looking forward to seeing YOU bloom! ***HUUUGGS*** from another Gardener.😊
Dad's wrong. Mom's wrong. Kid is NTA and is owed an apology and new plants. Dad is definitely the A. Dad needs some serious therapy to deal with his obvious problems.
Would your grandma be willing to take you in? Sounds like your father is oppressing you and that just isn't fair. Would he rather you enjoyed growing flowers or would he prefer you to get into trouble by using drugs and abusing alcohol? At least this hobby is keeping you out of trouble and it makes you happy.
NTA. Your father irreparably damaged his relationship you. I wouldn't talk to him either. You're 16, you can get a job at one of your local nurseries where you can take care of plants and get employee discounts on purchases. Your mother is wrong. You have nothing to get over. Your dad, however, if he ever wants to have a relationship with you needs to realize how wrong he was and apologize. If things don't improve at home, maybe you could go live with your aunt until you're ready to head off for college. I'm sorry your parents suck so much.
Considering what I was doing at that age, he should be grateful his son found a decent hobby to occupy his free time. There are so many benefits to Gardening. It teaches discipline, hard work, patience, dedication, respect, responsibility, etc. It's also good for stress and depression and it's incredibly rewarding! His father is a POS for destroying that for his son just because he thinks it's not manly and doesn't understand it. And the mother telling him to get over it after a week when the father can't even apologize and make it right, I feel so bad for this kid. He could be out running the streets, doing drugs and getting into trouble but instead he just wanted to grow some plants. Parents need to respect their kids individuality and encourage them when they find a hobby they enjoy. I can't stand Parents that try to force their kids into hobbies/sports/etc just because they enjoy it. Like fathers that try to force their sons to play sports when they're interested in other things.
I was a kid in the 70s to 80s. A family member bought each of us kids a plant one year. It's something all the people in the family did, not sure why but it was normal for me when I finally got my own to want it. Mine was a coleus. It was this tiny thing in the middle of a big ole hanging pot. I started imitating what everyone else did. I had no clue what I was doing. I just did things I'd seen from other family members. I climbed up on the counter to see it cause I was so freaking short. I'd talk to it every time I gave it water. I'd pull the curtains in too bright sunlight. I was always checking to roots and vines. I removed dead leaves and crumbled them into the soil. I'd turn the plant every couple of days. It got so big so fast no one could figure it out. A few years later we got a new military posting that took us all the way across the country. I was cheesed off. That plant was so big they took shoots from it every few weeks to give to different family members and friends. Ok np...
They packed up tons of plants from the maternal unit, and the plants for the siblings. Mine wasn't. They decided to give it to maternal units mother. It was too big. There's no room. All the other plants are too important to leave behind. You can have cuttings from siblings plant. Oh sibling doesn't want to give you shoots or cuttings, we will figure something else out. (They didn't). That was 1980. I was so mad. That plant lived until a few years ago when the grand maternal until passed away. I'm not sure if it survived after that. She passed in '07. I was never allowed to have it back. Nor was I ever given another plant from them. If someone tried giving me a plant as an adult it's always a rubber tree for some reason. I have no clue why. I find it a new home. I haven't had plants since then. Why would my plant I clearly took care of not make the trip but plants that were not as hardy could? Why couldn't I get it back after another posting moved us so much closer? It never regained the growth...
Load More Replies... NTA!! Dad thinks son's hobby is "a waste of time" and "not manly"?? Would that father say the same thing to the hundreds of farmers, arborists, agricultural specialists, ANY MAN whose career revolves around plants?? He should think about it the next time he stands in the shade of a tree, or admires his neighbor's topiary, and start talking to them; he'd be surprised at what he learns, that their love of nature started with caring for small plants! That's usually enough to make him "see the light", and eventually he will apologize for destroying your plants in his way (buying you new plants, getting you a seed catalog and planting tools, maybe even gifting you a room where you can grow your plants in peace). Dad should also remember that even the most "manly" of men can have the most sensitive of hearts!
I would go so far as to say it's not 'silent treatment' as that is suggesting you're doing that until you get your own way, this is silence simply because you have nothing to say to this man. Same with wishing him a happy birthday. Why would you? You don't wish him a happy day. He doesn't deserve one. I don't understand, at all, how tending plants isn't 'manly'. My FIL grew prize winning chrysanthemum, my Husband inherited that plant growing ability from him. Dare I say it is actually more a male hobby than female. If truth be known. Most gardening clubs have a larger male membership. I am intrigued by what he wants the OP to do instead. What hobbies he feels more 'macho'. Does Dad have any hobbies of his own? My parents didn't and couldn't understand anyone who did. What was grandad like? Not that any of it excuses his behaviour but I just wonder what's going on in his mind. Now that we're out of lockdown is there anywhere you could go, out of the house? Don't let him put you off.
Growing plants isn't "manly"? As a 39 year old guy whose other hobbies (besides growing a small collection of succulents) include bodybuilding, power lifting, wristwatches, home improvement, car repair and tech repair... He can come say that to me in person and see if he thinks I'm not masculine enough. Also he can go tell every farmer on earth that they aren't manly, or the farmers who basically founded civilization thousands of years ago.
Anyone throws my plats away I'm nevee speaking to them again. I might not be the best at taking kare of them, but I love them. And to throw away a living thing... Get out of that house as soon as posible and grow a beautiful garden somewhere
This is absolutely wrong with what the dad did, and now the mom. 1st, the dad overstepped his parenting and became a insensative, narcissistic bully. It's obvious he's uncaring and not in tune with his son and focused on his own idiotic thought of how "guys should". OP doesnt owe him an apology. The dad owes him after seeing how much pain he created. The mother also needs to continue standing by her son encouraging the dad to apologize and understand why his son loves gardening. At least OP isn't into drugs, dealing or doing anything wrong, he was channeling his energy into something good. Some business could have been made here. The father could've guided him into working as a designer for landscaping beautiful homes, or something in that line working with plants. Trust is earned, and his father just tossed what little bit he had away by being a jerk.
I might never talk to my dad again for the rest of my life if he did something like that, so ignoring him on his birthday is just part of it. What a horrible, controlling, father. Idk how he can even make up for what he did, an apology is definitely not enough. I mean he owes his son the entire backyard now, at the very least.
I would ask my aunt to move with her. It's clear the dad is a bully and doesn't want his boy doing "sissy" stuff. Tell that to a farmer and watch your teeth vanish.
Poor, poor kid! His parents haven't just destroyed his plants, they've destroyed his trust and so much more. In a few years they'll wonder why their son has moved away and doesn't speak to them at all anymore. I wish I could give him a hug.
NTA if I spent time growing something from the ground and it was destroyed I would be pissed too. Your father sounds like a douche that is afraid to be vulnerable.
Bored Panda are the ahs, I can't help it if my comments are usually just a couple of words and I type quickly. Commenting too quickly my a*s,
NTA I have a peace Lilly and have for 20+ years. F your dad bro. Mine tried to act like this to just BE A MAN. I'm sorry I'm not in to hookers and alcohol like that. He took your hobby and s**t on it. I wouldn't talk to my dad either. I would expect an apology and my plants back. That's right make him take you to a nursery and buy all new plants.
He is rigth gor not wanting to talk to his father but he is leaving under his dads roof so the 16 YO needs to get a job. And start paying for some bills.
What the dad has been doing is the opposite of caring for and supporting his family. He is bullying and belitting his son for a perfectly normal hobby and trying to control him. That is the definition of toxic masculinity.
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