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Not All Women Want Kids And This Artist Illustrates Why It’s OK
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Not All Women Want Kids And This Artist Illustrates Why It’s OK

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Kate McDonough, an illustrator living in South Dakota, USA, doesn’t want kids, and some people can’t seem to make peace with it.

McDonough loves to draw comics, portraits, and lots of other silly things. “Humor has always been at the root of most of my work, it’s how I cope with the anxiety and health issues I’ve experienced over time,” she told Bored Panda.

So, since art has been McDonough’s preferred way of expressing herself, she decided to explain her decision to not have children through a comic. And she did an excellent job. Not only did the cartoonist perfectly capture her own — and so many other’s — feelings, but described the way society tends to treat them as well, making people reflect and rethink their take on the subject.

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Image credits: katemcdonough

McDonough thinks that some people are uncomfortable when she says she doesn’t want kids because they have trouble understanding where she’s coming from. Especially, if they have kids of their own. “They may not be able to imagine not having that joy in their life. It also might be awkward because people tend to expect the standard answer of ‘Oh, we’ll be trying soon!’ There isn’t a standard answer to give when someone says they don’t want kids.”

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“The end of my comic tries to address that issue, not much needs to be said other than acceptance!” the artist explained. “Asking about children has also been the standard for a long time, and I think people are starting to realize that there are so many reasons someone might not have children. It’s really best not to ask unprompted. If someone wants to talk about their decision to have children or not, it’s helpful to be supportive and possibly ask questions if it seems right.”

When it comes to discussions within a couple, McDonough believes that having kids is one of the things people should talk about. “Even if you are a young couple and have no current plans of children, down the line it can become a very emotionally difficult issue,” she said. “For a lot of couples it can end up being a deal-breaker if one person wants children and the other one doesn’t. There are people who make it work as well, every relationship is different and communication is essential. Everyone’s feelings on the matter are completely valid.” Whatever the case might be, McDonough thinks that it’s way better to know the truth early than to find out down the line that you are not in agreement. We can’t just assume that someone feels the same way we do. “That applies to lots of other things too!”

This is definitely a tough subject to base a comic on, and if anyone could’ve done it, it’s McDonough. She’s been drawing and writing all of my life. “I grew up reading comics in the newspaper and trying to make my own books out of notebook paper and tape. Every discovery of a new type of pen blew my mind,” she said. “I always knew I wanted to be an artist, but I changed my mind several times: fashion designer, interior designer, graphic designer… I finally chose fine art and attended the College of Visual Arts in Minnesota to get my bachelor’s degree in illustration.” Since then, she has been making zines, drawings, paintings, and working on her first graphic novel. “I’ve also been exhibiting at comic shows, doing commissioned art, and selling my work online.”

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Here’s what people said after reading Kate’s comic

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Samantha Lomb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish doctors and medical professionals would also believe women about this too and let younger women have their tubes tied or a hysterectomy if they choose instead of again saying "but you will change your mind"

deb-lucas avatar
Dilly Millandry
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was in my 40s, sick and in so much pain and yet my gynaecologist wouldn't do a hysterectomy in case I decided to have children. Controlling git. Particularly unfair as it turned out that I was scarcely fertile and in the unlikely event of a pregnancy I only had a slim chance of carrying a baby to term. I was described in one letter as not having 'achieved' pregnancy. Achieved???!!!! Would have been a flipping disaster for me! They should not have that much control over what a woman chooses.

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juliaa1960 avatar
Julia Atkinson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A woman after my own heart! I knew by the age of ten that I didn't want children. I'm now 60 and haven't regretted my decision for a second.

kateh_1 avatar
deb_14 avatar
Carrie de Luka
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read Child Free and Loving It by Nicky Defago some years back. She asked women to write to her, anonymously, about their feelings after having children and there were so very many who admitted they regretted it. They loved their children but if they could go back and choose again they would not have them. We need to stop pretending that having children is the only valid life choice and that a woman's happy ending always involves babies.

mphseti avatar
mph seti
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've also never wanted kids. Thankfully (as a guy) no one seems to mind or care. Facts are: we don't all need to procreate, people need to mind their own F-ing business, and not having a kid when you know you don't want one is the responsible thing to do. Plus, it's not like the childless don't still pass on their ideas, creativity, and wisdom. You don't need biological children to be an influential figure on the newer generations. Teaching, creating, mentoring, and generally being a good and caring person is all that's really necessary to have a great legacy.

blugeagua avatar
blugeagua
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep and that's the double standard right there. As a guy no one questions you because they know that you know your own mind. But for us women, people think we're dumb or something and don't know what we want. Which is completely misogynistic and untrue. People still treat women as less than human with "small brains".

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tehbonz avatar
B
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many people have kids just because IT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO. They never stop to ask WHY they're wanting kids. There's no good reason, except to propogate and continue the family name, and those are rubbish reasons. In this age when overpopulation is the biggest crisis humans face, people seriously need to think long and hard before making such huge decisions. *sits back to count down-votes

gabi0horvath avatar
Gabi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And let's talk about why men are not being bugged for not wanting to be fathers. For some reason, if a man says "I don't want kids", they just get away with it. They even get praised for responsible thinking.

craiglee avatar
Craig Lee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So that's true because you're assuming it? I've been bugged by family and friends about children. I'm always questioned why I don't like or want them and told the same, "You'll change your mind". So maybe don't just assume you're the only one because you're a woman.

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angele_therese avatar
Noez 🇸🇪
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can fully relate to this! I'm 36 y/o and I have neverrrr wanted kids, STILL, people keep telling me that I do want them but I don't know it yet, or that I of course want kids but I'm too young to understand. I'M 36 YEARS OLD! Take your effing opinion out of my uterus!

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It can go the other way as well - in my early 20s I was convinced I wanted children. By the time I was 30 I knew I did not.

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If anything we have too many humans and will destroy our own environment endangering a whole heap of other creatures.

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idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never wanted kids and never thought it wasn't ok. If anyone asked if I planned on having kids I always said, 'I never want to be the recipient of that much ingratitude'. They never knew if I was serious or not, did that awkward half laugh and dropped the subject. I knew from age 11 I never wanted kids. Now at 48, I'm thankful every day I never had kids. I even mute the tv when I hear babies crying. I want nothing to do with any of it. And yes, that's ok.

mcginn_sara avatar
Sara Mc
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you also for posting this. I am unnerved by the sound of babies crying and I have been told that is “unnatural” and I am a “monster”. It’s really disgusting.

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Sian Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Decided a long time ago not to have children, mainly because the world was already going to s*%t and my mental health would (and does already) suffer greatly with sleepless nights. With my diagnosis I would be high risk for postpartum psychosis and depression. I love being an aunt. I like working with children and teenagers. But I also like my 'me space'. I take my hat off to those who do have children and have nothing against those who truly care for their children (often in difficult circumstances), but it's just not for me.

lovelust-faithdreams avatar
Sandra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never thought of me as a Mother. My family does not really understand it. Most times the reaction was :what do you mean you do not want kids? You dont know what you are talking about. Once you will have them you will love being a Mother. I think im not going to love it, and I do not want to have a Child just to confirm it

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Irina Ionascu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s always seemed like a scary argument to make “oh but when you have them you’ll love them” But... what if you... don’t...? That’s a pretty big gamble to take. I’ve never wanted kids before I met my husband and I’ve heard the same lines over and over and over again. I did end up changing my mind, but that was entirely up to me, and it was because I had found someone I loved and with whom I wanted to share this experience. We don’t have to have children “just because”

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Karolina Strachota
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's literally me! Currently at 35 never had a second in my life when I actually felt I wanted children.

mshemphill avatar
Sami
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still happy to be childless at 40+. It's not for everyone!

bpbperic avatar
Night Owl
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want to have kids and I hate it when when feel like I have to justify or defend my decision to people who barely even know me.

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KT Trondsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the longest time my husband and I swore off kids, said we never wanted any. After being together for 10 years we did end up deciding to have kids (of our own want and volition) and glad we did. But before that happened we were harassed by all of our family members to have children. So many condescending comments and even angry outbursts from relatives about her stance to not have kids. Even supposed friends said quips

mellandayluge avatar
Mel Day
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I don’t have nor want kids. But we have some friends who have had kids. People never stop offering their opinions! You don’t have kids and they say you should. If you have one or two, then you’re always hounded about having more. But then, after 3, people start talking about “why did you have so many kids??” People should just keep their opinions to themselves.

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mntncrone
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

KIds are a******s. Period. ~Love, a mom. :) It's a social construct to believe a girl's destiny is motherhood - that somehow she is less or unfulfilled if she does not raise a child. These are antiquated beliefs so ingrained in our psychology, that they are hard to shed. Sure, there is a biological drive for some/most women (which actually tells you everything - if hormones have to literally brainwash you into needing to do something, how beneficial for the individual can it be?), but it should be a choice in the end. If you study biology deeply you will find that the universal drive to reproduce is ALL about perpetuating the species and passing on one's genes, to the sacrifice of that individual. Only we humans try to place some emotional and spiritual pleasure in that. Also, consider how these ideas were established by men and religious groups, going back centuries. There was a concerted effort in keeping women "barefoot and pregnant." What has changed?

blugeagua avatar
blugeagua
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

True, but I would argue and say the biological drive to reproduce is more culturalization rather than true biology. MANY women all over the world have no desire to reproduce.

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flutterbystars avatar
Amanda Reicha
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never wanted kids either. Made that decision when I was 6.

ella-trott-00 avatar
Olivia Miller (Livie)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same my mum keeps saying I'll change my mind and i'm only saying it now because i dont understand how great kids are.....*sigh*

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Sterrinatu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could not have been more spot on. I have known since I was a child that I didn't want kids. Pretty much all of those comments have been made to me. If one more person tells me I will want kids eventually I'm going to scream!

njscrutton avatar
OhForSmegSake
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have one friend who's never wanted kids but is a fantastic aunty/godmum and passionate Enviro scientist. She occasionally gives talks and highlights the importance of bettering the planet for future generations. Another friend has a deep fear of pregnancy but wants to be a foster mum and adopt. Both are amazing women in my eyes.

darkness_jan21 avatar
Ann O'Riley
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right on. SHAME on people who have more than 2 children. Haven't you noticed the world is getting too crowded? I particularly despise people who have many children because they want to make more people for their religion.

bunaalkhas avatar
Buna Alkhas
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i am a persian to english translator and i do many english subtitles for iranian films. i recently worked with director Sara Bahramjahan and her film CHILDFREE. i wish you all could see this film. in a country where everyone from the corner grocer to the leader of the nation pushes all couples to 'have kids! have kids! HAVE KIDS!' it is a hard decision to stick to, but with the corruption, decades of seemingly endless recession, a backward topsy-turvy society forced down the people's throats and working couples not being able to make ends meet, childfree is a rational choice in a time-space continuum where choice is not an option.

ilianacamus avatar
Lily Takagi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's too many human beings on the planet anyway, too many neglected orphans because their parents had them when they weren't ready to be parents.

dks001 avatar
DKS 001
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am what people call a "bad mother". I always said I didn't want kids too. Never wanted to get married either. But back in the 80's that's what you -had to do-. And growing up military I did what I was told. I got out of high school, met a man, got married, had 2 kids. His idea was the same - I stay home with the kids, he goes off for a week, comes home for weekends and yells. I left my kids with him when they were only 9 and 11. It was a very stressful life, and the only identity I had as so-&-so's mother. Hell, my husband didn't even tell people he was married. I hated life. I left, went to college, and am happier for it. I never wanted kids. I never wanted to get married.

aldrewml1 avatar
Andrew Link
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's already so many kids that don't have a home and want to be adopted so badly; we really shouldn't be bringing in more children that aren't really wanted just to fulfill an outdated societal expectation.

annelouise-bidstrup avatar
Anne Bidstrup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depending on where you live, adoption is nigh on impossible a lot of the time.

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imitating avatar
Imitating
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never understood putting the rationale of "not everyone's cut out to be a parent" on those who choose not to be a parent. I'm sure I would've totaled rocked being a parent, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be one and so have chosen not to. I don't need someone to rationalize it by assuming I would've been a bad parent.

angiechan_1 avatar
Angie Chan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I tell people that I have the maternal instinct of a turnip and leave it at that. It is far easier than explaining the complexity of the whole thing.

bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I start listing my genetic defects. They ( the intrusive idiots ) sort of glaze over after a while.

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deborahbrett_1 avatar
Deborah Brett
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want kids, but I'd love to be an Aunt. Sadly for my aspirations of aunt-hood, none of my siblings show any signs of wanting kids either. Kids are an immense commitment, and an enormous responsibility. If you're not 100% commited to the prospect of parenthood, you shouldn't have them.

bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am "aunty" to my neighbour's kids, and my best friends' kids. It works well.

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Aliceinpainland
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a very loving and caring 37 years old kinderganden teacher I get a lot of "How can you not be wanting to have children?? You love kids so much! You would be such a great mum!" I answer: "yeah,I love Elephants too,but that doesn't mean I want one in my home." They stop asking and shake my hand.

brandoncollinsworth avatar
Brandon Collinsworth
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am 42 and I have never ever wanted to have kids, I have 4 kids of my own, had a stepdaughter, and raised a niece and a nephew. I love them dearly and I am great parent to all of them. I still don't like children and miss having my hopes and dreams, but also I can't imagine my life without my children, some of them are grown now and I love seeing who they have grown up to be and I am super proud of any part of that I played. It is strange though as a guy who never ever wanted to have any children I ended up with 7, and being a dad is my most defining characteristic.

adamserot avatar
Frankenfrog
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then you should've taken some action to prevent from being a father. I can understand ONE accident, but four? Come on

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mewmew34 avatar
mewmew34
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never really wanted kids, short of being really young and wanting twin boys and twin girls to name after the kids from the Boxcar Children books. The older I get, though, the more I want nothing to do with children. Unlike the creator of the comic, I DO hate kids, and I'm not afraid to say so. They can occasionally be cute, but more often than not they're snotty, loud, obnoxious little attention hogs with no concept of personal space. I get they don't know better, but that doesn't mean I have to like the behavior or tolerate it any longer than is necessary. I am NOT someone you want to try forcing to have children, simple as that. I would be a horrible, neglectful parent and I fully know it. That's why I will take steps to avoid pregnancy and seek an early end to a pregnancy should prevention methods fail. People can think whatever they want, I know myself better than any of them will ever know me.

peachikeen avatar
Peachikeen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get this all the time from people. My dad being the worst offender, he once asked me 3 times in one week and dismissed my reasons for not wanting them and disregarded my ability as an adult and a woman capable if making her own choices, uttering that immortal line that we all hate "you'll change your mind when you're older" then he had the audacity to try and convince my partner that we should start trying for a baby during a party at my house for my sister! I genuinely checked all our condoms for damage or pinholes once he'd left! I honestly never wanted kids, and at 29 my feelings are not changing and I find it insulting that my feelings on the subject are not respected. And like everyone else says, just because I don't want kids doesn't mean i don't like children! One woman at work actually called me "crazy" because I said I didn't want them! My partner is actually 17 years older than me and I made it clear from the beginning (as did he) that I did not want kids. I once told him that if he'd had kiss when we met I wouldn't have pursued a relationship with him either, if I dint want my own kids I certainly don't want anyone else's with all the baggage and exes that come with it. That is how I have chosen to live my life and we deserve to be respected no matter what we choose.

peachikeen avatar
Peachikeen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just to be clear, my dad wasn't trying to get me and my partner to start breeding in the middle of a party, he's polite enough to let us do that in private.. .

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AnnieLaurie Burke
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you think this is tough today, imagine what it was like in the late 1960s, with two sets of parents haranguing you incessantly. And people are still too stupid to understand that not wanting kids of your own does NOT mean that you don't love kids.

liverpoolroze avatar
Rose the Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Better don't have children than have them for the wrong reason and abuse them. My mother expected children to "serve" (her word) her in her old age. I got out at 20 but my sister stayed to inherit the house.

samjasonwexler avatar
sam
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, love it. I relate so much. I knew by age 7 that I never wanted children. And I never have. Not one day. Thankfully I'll be past my prime child-bearing years soon, and people will finally stop questioning me and my decision. Only thing I don't relate to is that I don't like kids, well like 85% of them. Very occasionally I like a child. But I just don't have whatever it is that makes people like children. I very much so agree that it is far more selfish to have an unwanted child or bring a child into this world you cannot care for properly than to choose not to have children.

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Chaz83
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. I don't like children and when people hear me that say I called all sorts of things. Monster is the most common one. I was constantly told that I would "change my mind once I settled down". I don't want to get married either so that really upsets them! I'm 36 and happy with my life as it is.

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Mean Red B
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never wanted a kid. Also I have been convinced by many doctors that I was unable to even have one, what seemed really convenient at the time. Not until I got pregnant at 33. That was a shocker. But when I saw the heartbeat everything changed. I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. I don't regret having her. I never will.

blugeagua avatar
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KoalaLa
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want children, have been vocal about this my whole life... Up until last year, I was together with a guy for 4 years, great guy, he knew about the no-kids thing. Until we started looking for a house to buy and he asked "how many rooms do we need? We should keep children's rooms in mind". I told him I still don't want children, he knows this. He reacted with a "oh, I thought you would change your mind, you're a woman, you're supposed to have children". Thanks for wasting 4 years of my life, for thinking my opinion doesn't matter and you know me better then I know myself.

simmsrn avatar
Angela Allen Simms
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was 12 when I told my Mom I didn't want kids. I'm 61 and NO REGRETS!! My life has been wonderful. All my friends were informed that I do not babysit

tamarahoryza avatar
Tamara Horyza
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yep never wanted kids,dont care for them,no maternal instinct qhen i see one,dont get all goo eyed for babies,ill take a puppy anyday,amd if people question,i tell them pretty sure my dog as a teenager wont turn into an ungrateful s**t or murder me in my sleep for forbidding them dating that guy.

cindycollins_1 avatar
CincyReds
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter who at the time was 21, looked at me and asked "Mom would you be disappointed in me if I didn't have kids, would be disappointed to not be a grandmother?" I just looked at her and said absolutely not! I said as long as you get plenty of dogs and cats, I will be their grandmother. She already has 3 cats, and two adorable rats, and just bought a house with a big fenced in yard. We are both animal lovers, she is RVT. I will just be an animal grandmother, and I am totally fine with that!

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember telling someone years ago that I didn't think I'd be any good at motherhood and thus didn't want children. He said "Well, you don't know until you try." He looked a bit taken aback when I said "Yes, exactly - you *don't* know until you actually have them. By then it's too late, you can't exactly send them back." He hadn't thought of it that way.

pusheenbuttercup avatar
pusheen buttercup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes people just know certain things about themselves. :) Like not wanting kids- or knowing they're LGBT- or what they want to be when they grow up. Sometimes they don't, sometimes they think they do and change their minds- and sometimes, they actually know what they're talking about. It's not for us to decide, only the person can know themselves that way.

madams_1 avatar
M Adams
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I did the math right, she is 23. 23 is young and yes, she could change her mind. However, there are lots of people who have children who should not. If you are not willing or able to provide and do things the child needs, do not have children. Once here, they are your responsibility.

soriana313 avatar
Sori
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I want to adopt more than have one so much, not let my genetic health conditions carry another. Plus it seems a little selfish to bring more children to a very uncertain future intentionally ....

erin_16 avatar
Erin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never wanted children. I am an awesome aunt, I like children, but I lack that "whatever" that makes you look at a baby and go, "I MUST HAVE ONE OF THOSE". I have endured pity, hate, and ridicule for it. The bottom line is that that I do not want kids and I am so glad that I never had them.

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Muriel Gillespie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As many of the ladies said. It is selfish to have a child because of pressure out on you from your own parents and society. There are too many 'trophy' children who grow up without true love , raised by someone else and paraded out as an 'accessory ' .

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Flisey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughters don't want kids, they want a life of travel and dining out and kids tend to stop that.

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Johnny
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife has a degree in early childhood education and was certain her whole life that she'd be a mom. But then we tried... tried again... paid a lot of money to fertility doctors.. tried again.... and it just didn't happen. It turns out that we both love our childless life.

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Heather Williams
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have flip flopped between wanting kids and not wanting them. When I was younger I wanted kids. Then I did not. Now I wonder what if. But I have made a personal choice not to have kids due to mental health issues. I get frustrated very easily by noise and distraction especially when trying to concentrate on a task. So having my own kids would be very very hard and unfair to them to have a mom who is always yelling at them to keep quiet. And no, I don't think your temperament magically changes when you have a kid of your own. You do change in some ways but fundamentally you are still you.

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Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Completely agree with you. Having children is enormously hard work and if you get frustrated easily that isn't going to change - children ARE frustrating creatures. I've worked with them, I've loved them but I haven't wanted to share my day to day life outside of work with them. I need the child-free space for my sanity's sake!!

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Maris Kurm
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

38 and not needing a man and not wanting to have kids. I see the single mothers everywhere and not my cup of tea.

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Guinevere
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why on earth would it be selfish NOT to have kids, when the underlying issue for so many of humanity's problems is that there are too many people on earth?

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! When the reason people have children is because they want them, no other reason, what is that if not selfish? They don't have children because it's good for the planet or society but because THEY want them. They do it to please themselves.

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Regan Stansfield
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With 7 billion people on the planet and counting, I have never felt the urge to reproduce. I knew when I was a teen, I never wanted kids. I love children and do spend time with them but never once have thought to myself “oh I should have had kids”. They are a huge responsibility and I’m of the opinion that the world has enough problems because of people that I’ll do my part and try to fix some of the issues with my freed up time ;)

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lakitha tolbert
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really, people think this way because the only narrative mostly f us get presented with is that something is deeply wrong with women who don’t want children. That such women need to be fixed. I once got asked by a complete stranger, on the street, why I don’t have any kids! Like I had done something wrong! I think women who blatantly state their not having kids are very brave, because sometimes people react very badly.

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Rebecah Ozuna
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ohhh, i'm so going to use this on my trolls. They think i'm a pariah first for not thinking like them and second because i refuse to have kids. First of all, if you don't have a healthy environment for yourself, you should never bring a child around. Many broken relationships think that by having a baby their partners will be forced to stick around. If you don't have a nice financial support or the time to care for others, don't bring a baby to suffer with you. It's not worth the bother, and yes, a baby it's a bother and a tiresome one. They're needy and defenseless. Their existence it's not about you, it's about them. I suffer from very powerful migraines and hearing a high pitching voice will bring out the devil in me. Don't have a kid just to service you; do it because you love them. As i was abused, i won't be good to have a kid. I don't want a bother; my money last me quite nicely if i don't have an extra mouth to feed. I don't have the patience or love for a kid.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then there was a friend of my husbands that saw all his buddies getting married and having kids. He rushed into a relationship with a girl..got her pregnant and married her. It was obvious she wanted nothing to do with parenting. It finally took her leaving him to realize he messed up and rushed into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Luckily..marriage number 2 was for love and not an attempt to "keep up with the Jones's." Now he has 4 boys and full hands. He couldn't be happier.

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am nearly 60, a woman, never wanted kids. So sad that we even have to have this conversation this year. Naivety I thought this battle was over. :(_____________________________ The only response to "I don't want kids" is fair enough! Great you know yourself , and are confident to push against this ( stupid) social pressure.

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kurisutofu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it's more pronounced for women, the same things are said to men. I was like the artist, I said when I was a kid I didn't want to have kids and the only thing that changed now that I'm 38 is that I switched to "I'll have one if my wife wants it". I hate when people say "you'll change your mind, you'll see". Why? I thought about it rationally and if it's all about "feelings" instead of rationality, I don't see it change and anyway, I think basing such an important decision on feelings is bad. Like the artist, I like kids, but maybe because I know I can take a break from them. It's like food. I like to eat but not 24h a day. Oh, and the argument that "it feels so good to have someone you love so much you can't beat being apart" etc. It's fine, my wife fills that category.

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Hollie Newton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want children but trying to explain to a doctor why you take contraception 24/7 without a break (I have nasty mood swings) is a pain. Men can snip and not worry the rest of their lives. Me wanting to get sterilised is a big deal I appreciate it's irreversible but surely my decision in doing something so extreme would also indicate how badly I don't want children. I am soon to be going on the hormonal coil which is 2/3 yes it lasts but it annoys the c**p out of me I can't be considered for long term options I mean even if my partner took the measures I still feel the risk could be there. Besides which as I mentioned my hormones make me bat s**t crazy hence why I'm on contraception 24/7 not something I would want to potentially pass on but try getting a doctor to understand that

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can so understand that. Nobody has any right to judge us , they don't know what you are going through. I'm furious that drs still wont perform tubal ligation on women in your's and similar situations.

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Chris DiFonso
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Great commentary and explanation, Kate! It is YOUR life and it is YOUR body.

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Firework
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 13, but I've already decided that I'm not going to have kids until I'm in my late 30s or early 40s, and then I'm going to adopt an autistic girl so that I can improve someone's life and I won't have to worry about if the kid turns out to be neurotypical, I get a boy, pregnancy turns out to be too painful, or I have a miscarriage.

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Karolina Hofman
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A few years back, on a devilish twist of fate, I got a job at my old school (admin job, not teaching). My old teacher was still working there. When she saw me, she tried to "catch up". It went as follows: Her: Are you married? Me: Nope. Her: Children? Me: Nope. Her: So... you didn't really achieve anything, did you. What clearly slipped her mind was the fact that I was now better educated than her and landed a job as her actual superior.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't have kids (medical issue). Everyone pushed us to "try anyway". Sure. I'll risk death so you can be happy, Total Strangers and DIstant Relatives! ... *eyeroll*....

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Weim Central
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for using the phrase I've been using for 30 years = child-free! Keep on keepin' on!

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Brandy Grote
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have liked kids. I was never in a financial position to do more than have birth control, never had a stable relationship until my mid 30s. I've had cervical cancer, and may not safely carry to term OR deliver without medical intervention. My upbringing was not ideal, and though I can deal with kids for a bit, I'm not able to parent. My husband is great, but on his dad's side his uncle had cerebral palsy, everyone had or has Alzheimer's. On his mother's side, everyone died of cancer except for the uncle that died from alcoholism. He himself was in and out of the hospital throughout his childhood with asthma and allergies. So for the good of our unborn children, we will not birth them. And that is okay!

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ERIN W.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never wanted kids and I NEVER guilty about it! Why should I, or anyone for that matter?!

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Anilda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never wanted and never will... even got a sterilization to prevent an oops.

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Rose Morgan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All well and good, but I think childcare and child vocation needs to be taught by those who have first hand experience with kids through having had them themselves and not just some "Idea" of what having a kid is like through some book.

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Rosethe
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents tried for many years to have a child. I was told I was "wanted" very much. But wanting and having are two different things. My mother, 42, never bonded with me. I wasn't the child she dreamed of. There were two children of her friend, that she loved dearly. Delicate and slender. I was a mess of coldsores. She said in a letter that I ate from the table 'like a little pig' but she continued to overfeed me. I believe she had OCD and was controlling (according to relatives). By the time I was 3 months old she had a nervous break-down, by 5 months she attempted suicide and was in a coma for days. She finished it all by suicide with a gunshot when I was only 5 years old. Now, I carry the weight of knowing all this some 55 years later. My parents should have given me up for adoption and lived the child-free lives they were most likely intended to live. I have no kids, but would have liked to, but could not. Now I am totally alone with no relatives. It really messes with me....

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Evripidou Maria
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

all through high school, every time I told my friends I don;t want kids the;d laugh and say that I would be the first to have kids. Almost 40, still don't. My dad thinks I;m sick in the head but I don;t mind.

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jiriw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no problem with being childfree but the decision must be from both husband and wife...

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Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom: When are you going to give me grandchildren?! Me: With or without a husband? Mom: Wee, with, or course! Me: Then don't hold your breath. I knew at about 25 I wasn't going to have kids. I have arthritis, and it's painful. I wouldn't wish that on someone I profess to love. Arthritis is hereditary.

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Kathy Thompson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my teens and early 20s, I said I didn't want kids. Later, I changed my mind and had two wonderful babies. This is why when my daughter was young and said she never wanted kids I told her to never say never. That was all, just allow for the possibility. She's 40 now, and happily childfree. Good for her. She is an awesome aunt to her brother's two girls though.

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Marsha Sumal
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanted ONE. Had ONE! Was a great kid, no big problems. Was called "Mommie Dearest" til he graduated, but hey, rules is rules and his were nowhere as strict as those I had to follow growing up. So girls, do whatever your heart tells you, be who YOU are, no guilt! Be good to yourselves. No one else needs to define you! Don't abuse your body. Lots of birth control out there. Myself, I used 2 Forms at all times, whether I needed it or not.

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Rhiannon Velasquez
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone I know is like but kids will change you life or but you only 14 you’ll change!! Like No this is my decision and I don’t want kids. And being part of the LGBTQ+ family I might find a girlfriend or a boyfriend and it depends. If i get a husband then im saying that I’m not going to have kids and if I have a wife im saying if you want kids you can have them.

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m O
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen! 53 year-old married woman (marriage #2), no kids. no regrets. I respect children too much to have any...

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Sasha Ross
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I loved having kids but if I had to do it over, nope..I would def. get my tubes tied. Too much stress, and work(not saying they arent worth it and maybe Im just old and tired.)..

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Mandi Ma
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are we talking about pros and cons of having kids? Either you have them or you don't. I have a kid. I don't think that I'm special because I have a kid. I also don't think that my best friend is special because she doesn't. I do not see the point in justifying any of these choices to anyone...

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Dutch VanZandt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think everyone ought to be able to decide for themselves if they want to be parents or not... Unrealistic expectations and pressure from others has most certainly led to people having kids who shouldn't have. I know there is still a serious bias attached to the 'kids free' option... it's high time we worked on that.

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Rosemary Lupo
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Roisin Reid
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I want kids, I've had very long term partners, who have all turned round to say they do not want children. I find it upsetting

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Amanda MacDonald
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People need to do what they feel is right. I have always wanted to have kids. I have one son. I love being a mother.

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Caroline Driver
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I completely agree with people not wanting to have kids, if that's their choice, ok, fine, next conversation. But we did have a friend who WHENEVER the subject of children came up, she would say 'I don't want kids, I never have since I had to look after my sister when I was young'. Every time. We never said all the 'oh you'll change your mind' or 'but it's natural' or anything like that. We knew them for about 5 years and she would still bang on about it, like a vegan telling you they're a vegan at every opportunity.

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Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, that was probably annoying but just because YOU guys never said that to her it doesn't mean she wasn't getting it from a load of other people in other areas of her life. Sometimes people go on the defensive because they've had it up to their ears elsewhere.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago

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I had two friends that didn't want kids of their own. One was content to be around her nieces and nephews...to help with other people's kids. But she was happy about the fact that she could claim her solitude without having to feel guilty about neglecting parental responsibilities. She's a really sweet person. The other (ex) friend didn't want kids, hated kids, didn't even want to be around kids. When I had my son, she made it perfectly clear I was never to bring him over and was actually angry with me that I couldn't go out to clubs with her like I did before I got married and had a family. If you don't want kids, fine. But don't punish friends that made the decision to have them by making them choose between you or them. **And now you know why she's and ex-friend. **

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Borgia 137
Community Member
3 years ago

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Okay, i have very unpopular opinion here. I believe it is woman's right to decide whether she wants children. But. But she needs to stick with that decision after certain age. I disagree when 40-50 yrs old women have their first baby. Such change of mind is selfish. Who will be here for that kid when parents will be gone? They seem never think about further future when conceiving in higher age. Child deserves enough time with parents. I know, accidents happen even to young parents, but why make it more likely? In some cases it's like:i was busy with my life, now i have almost everything, what am i missing in my collection of life successes? Oh, i know, a baby. I repeat:it is woman's right to decide what happens with her body, just she should be considerate, that after change of mind, there will be someone else with rights too.

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Lip
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this applies for men too? Or are we still just policing women's decisions?

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ADHORTATOR
Community Member
3 years ago

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The most unwanted advices how to educate my two children came from childfree persons... It's ok if you don't want to have children

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Lucas
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister found most of her unwanted advice came from other mothers at the school gate. None of her childfree friends ever bothered her about how she brought up her little boy - they weren't that interested.

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David Fox
Community Member
3 years ago

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Soon there will be a kullin. It's a fact people can't go into child therepy with only book knowledge. They actually need to actually be able to understand children and no one understands children more then parents

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. We were all children once and most of us can remember all too well what it was like. How we thought, what we wanted, our fears and dreams. Boring times, good times, scary times. What we thought of our parents. The people who are most likely to forget what it's like to be a child are parents as they're too busy parenting. They forget what it's like from the child's perspective. Maybe that's how it has to be for some people but it does NOT invalidate the experiences that people have as children. My friend's child has a therapist and she doesn't have any children and does a perfectly good job.

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ivan bolitekurac
Community Member
3 years ago

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Omg,here comes the "i don't want kids and i am perfectly happy about it".It's fine,don't act like a f*****g vegan

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Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you not understand how much pressure women get to have kids? Read some of the comments from women who want a tubal ligation and can't get one because some stupid doctor insists "You'll change your mind."

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Victoria Swift
Community Member
3 years ago

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No be cares that you don't want to have kids. What we care about is when the no kid crowd becomes a******s and goes around condemning everyone who choses to have children.

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szatan667
Community Member
3 years ago

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Yeah right..... and then when it's almost too late to have kinds you'll find yourself catching a boyfriend of yours on a pregnancy..... IF SHE TELLS YOU SHE DOESN"T WANT KIDS -- DONT BELIEVE HER because (and oh I know this) the day WILL come

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Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rubbish. Read the comments from older women who have NO REGRETS about not having children. (Like me.) The only person who ever tried really hard to guilt me into having kids was a male supervisor at work.

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Zergolonoz Menieanaris
Community Member
3 years ago

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Generally people don't understand themselves. This decision can be because of unconscious fears and many other things that are in fact that you don't know yourself.

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Gleno Underhill
Community Member
3 years ago

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From genealogical history from out memory, one's lineage progresses from one generation to the next from the beginning of time to the present culminating with *you*. But you're okay with saying, "That's all. We'll stop here." Because either all of history was simply waiting to perfect itself with *you* (you're just that good) or because you don't want to be inconvenienced (because you're just that important.)

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Iapetos
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, stop trying to guilt-trip people as if their ancestors genuinely made that decision out of the hope that their lineage will go on and on. That's so absurd.

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BiEL Sampaio
Community Member
3 years ago

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None assumes they know you better than yourself, none cares really as they wouldn't care about your kids if you had any. As a parent most of those responses are just automatic the same as when you ask "how are you doing?" people don't care what's your answer. I just find it victimizing as if you were defined by the fact you don't want kids, as if it was a struggle to not want to have kids. Probably the only person that really cares if you are having kids is your parents, and that's it.

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Sterrinatu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe some don't really care but I certainly have had some women get pretty upset with me when I say I don't want kids. I have friends or coworkers who constantly make underhanded comments about me being a "child hater". It gets pretty old after a while.

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Bill
Community Member
3 years ago

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At least women don't have to worry about a certain surprise from years ago when using those genetic testing sites. Im scared to use them.

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Sumkindawunderful
Community Member
3 years ago

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Exactly, this woman should never have kids-people like this shouldn't procreate

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Samantha Lomb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish doctors and medical professionals would also believe women about this too and let younger women have their tubes tied or a hysterectomy if they choose instead of again saying "but you will change your mind"

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Dilly Millandry
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was in my 40s, sick and in so much pain and yet my gynaecologist wouldn't do a hysterectomy in case I decided to have children. Controlling git. Particularly unfair as it turned out that I was scarcely fertile and in the unlikely event of a pregnancy I only had a slim chance of carrying a baby to term. I was described in one letter as not having 'achieved' pregnancy. Achieved???!!!! Would have been a flipping disaster for me! They should not have that much control over what a woman chooses.

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Julia Atkinson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A woman after my own heart! I knew by the age of ten that I didn't want children. I'm now 60 and haven't regretted my decision for a second.

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deb_14 avatar
Carrie de Luka
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read Child Free and Loving It by Nicky Defago some years back. She asked women to write to her, anonymously, about their feelings after having children and there were so very many who admitted they regretted it. They loved their children but if they could go back and choose again they would not have them. We need to stop pretending that having children is the only valid life choice and that a woman's happy ending always involves babies.

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mph seti
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've also never wanted kids. Thankfully (as a guy) no one seems to mind or care. Facts are: we don't all need to procreate, people need to mind their own F-ing business, and not having a kid when you know you don't want one is the responsible thing to do. Plus, it's not like the childless don't still pass on their ideas, creativity, and wisdom. You don't need biological children to be an influential figure on the newer generations. Teaching, creating, mentoring, and generally being a good and caring person is all that's really necessary to have a great legacy.

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blugeagua
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep and that's the double standard right there. As a guy no one questions you because they know that you know your own mind. But for us women, people think we're dumb or something and don't know what we want. Which is completely misogynistic and untrue. People still treat women as less than human with "small brains".

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B
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many people have kids just because IT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO. They never stop to ask WHY they're wanting kids. There's no good reason, except to propogate and continue the family name, and those are rubbish reasons. In this age when overpopulation is the biggest crisis humans face, people seriously need to think long and hard before making such huge decisions. *sits back to count down-votes

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Gabi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And let's talk about why men are not being bugged for not wanting to be fathers. For some reason, if a man says "I don't want kids", they just get away with it. They even get praised for responsible thinking.

craiglee avatar
Craig Lee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So that's true because you're assuming it? I've been bugged by family and friends about children. I'm always questioned why I don't like or want them and told the same, "You'll change your mind". So maybe don't just assume you're the only one because you're a woman.

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Noez 🇸🇪
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can fully relate to this! I'm 36 y/o and I have neverrrr wanted kids, STILL, people keep telling me that I do want them but I don't know it yet, or that I of course want kids but I'm too young to understand. I'M 36 YEARS OLD! Take your effing opinion out of my uterus!

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Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It can go the other way as well - in my early 20s I was convinced I wanted children. By the time I was 30 I knew I did not.

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If anything we have too many humans and will destroy our own environment endangering a whole heap of other creatures.

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Id row
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never wanted kids and never thought it wasn't ok. If anyone asked if I planned on having kids I always said, 'I never want to be the recipient of that much ingratitude'. They never knew if I was serious or not, did that awkward half laugh and dropped the subject. I knew from age 11 I never wanted kids. Now at 48, I'm thankful every day I never had kids. I even mute the tv when I hear babies crying. I want nothing to do with any of it. And yes, that's ok.

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Sara Mc
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you also for posting this. I am unnerved by the sound of babies crying and I have been told that is “unnatural” and I am a “monster”. It’s really disgusting.

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Sian Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Decided a long time ago not to have children, mainly because the world was already going to s*%t and my mental health would (and does already) suffer greatly with sleepless nights. With my diagnosis I would be high risk for postpartum psychosis and depression. I love being an aunt. I like working with children and teenagers. But I also like my 'me space'. I take my hat off to those who do have children and have nothing against those who truly care for their children (often in difficult circumstances), but it's just not for me.

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Sandra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never thought of me as a Mother. My family does not really understand it. Most times the reaction was :what do you mean you do not want kids? You dont know what you are talking about. Once you will have them you will love being a Mother. I think im not going to love it, and I do not want to have a Child just to confirm it

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Irina Ionascu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s always seemed like a scary argument to make “oh but when you have them you’ll love them” But... what if you... don’t...? That’s a pretty big gamble to take. I’ve never wanted kids before I met my husband and I’ve heard the same lines over and over and over again. I did end up changing my mind, but that was entirely up to me, and it was because I had found someone I loved and with whom I wanted to share this experience. We don’t have to have children “just because”

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Karolina Strachota
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's literally me! Currently at 35 never had a second in my life when I actually felt I wanted children.

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Sami
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still happy to be childless at 40+. It's not for everyone!

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Night Owl
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want to have kids and I hate it when when feel like I have to justify or defend my decision to people who barely even know me.

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KT Trondsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the longest time my husband and I swore off kids, said we never wanted any. After being together for 10 years we did end up deciding to have kids (of our own want and volition) and glad we did. But before that happened we were harassed by all of our family members to have children. So many condescending comments and even angry outbursts from relatives about her stance to not have kids. Even supposed friends said quips

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Mel Day
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I don’t have nor want kids. But we have some friends who have had kids. People never stop offering their opinions! You don’t have kids and they say you should. If you have one or two, then you’re always hounded about having more. But then, after 3, people start talking about “why did you have so many kids??” People should just keep their opinions to themselves.

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mntncrone
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

KIds are a******s. Period. ~Love, a mom. :) It's a social construct to believe a girl's destiny is motherhood - that somehow she is less or unfulfilled if she does not raise a child. These are antiquated beliefs so ingrained in our psychology, that they are hard to shed. Sure, there is a biological drive for some/most women (which actually tells you everything - if hormones have to literally brainwash you into needing to do something, how beneficial for the individual can it be?), but it should be a choice in the end. If you study biology deeply you will find that the universal drive to reproduce is ALL about perpetuating the species and passing on one's genes, to the sacrifice of that individual. Only we humans try to place some emotional and spiritual pleasure in that. Also, consider how these ideas were established by men and religious groups, going back centuries. There was a concerted effort in keeping women "barefoot and pregnant." What has changed?

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blugeagua
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

True, but I would argue and say the biological drive to reproduce is more culturalization rather than true biology. MANY women all over the world have no desire to reproduce.

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Amanda Reicha
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never wanted kids either. Made that decision when I was 6.

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Olivia Miller (Livie)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same my mum keeps saying I'll change my mind and i'm only saying it now because i dont understand how great kids are.....*sigh*

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Sterrinatu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could not have been more spot on. I have known since I was a child that I didn't want kids. Pretty much all of those comments have been made to me. If one more person tells me I will want kids eventually I'm going to scream!

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OhForSmegSake
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have one friend who's never wanted kids but is a fantastic aunty/godmum and passionate Enviro scientist. She occasionally gives talks and highlights the importance of bettering the planet for future generations. Another friend has a deep fear of pregnancy but wants to be a foster mum and adopt. Both are amazing women in my eyes.

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Ann O'Riley
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right on. SHAME on people who have more than 2 children. Haven't you noticed the world is getting too crowded? I particularly despise people who have many children because they want to make more people for their religion.

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Buna Alkhas
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i am a persian to english translator and i do many english subtitles for iranian films. i recently worked with director Sara Bahramjahan and her film CHILDFREE. i wish you all could see this film. in a country where everyone from the corner grocer to the leader of the nation pushes all couples to 'have kids! have kids! HAVE KIDS!' it is a hard decision to stick to, but with the corruption, decades of seemingly endless recession, a backward topsy-turvy society forced down the people's throats and working couples not being able to make ends meet, childfree is a rational choice in a time-space continuum where choice is not an option.

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Lily Takagi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's too many human beings on the planet anyway, too many neglected orphans because their parents had them when they weren't ready to be parents.

dks001 avatar
DKS 001
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am what people call a "bad mother". I always said I didn't want kids too. Never wanted to get married either. But back in the 80's that's what you -had to do-. And growing up military I did what I was told. I got out of high school, met a man, got married, had 2 kids. His idea was the same - I stay home with the kids, he goes off for a week, comes home for weekends and yells. I left my kids with him when they were only 9 and 11. It was a very stressful life, and the only identity I had as so-&-so's mother. Hell, my husband didn't even tell people he was married. I hated life. I left, went to college, and am happier for it. I never wanted kids. I never wanted to get married.

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Andrew Link
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's already so many kids that don't have a home and want to be adopted so badly; we really shouldn't be bringing in more children that aren't really wanted just to fulfill an outdated societal expectation.

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Anne Bidstrup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depending on where you live, adoption is nigh on impossible a lot of the time.

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Imitating
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never understood putting the rationale of "not everyone's cut out to be a parent" on those who choose not to be a parent. I'm sure I would've totaled rocked being a parent, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be one and so have chosen not to. I don't need someone to rationalize it by assuming I would've been a bad parent.

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Angie Chan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I tell people that I have the maternal instinct of a turnip and leave it at that. It is far easier than explaining the complexity of the whole thing.

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I start listing my genetic defects. They ( the intrusive idiots ) sort of glaze over after a while.

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Deborah Brett
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want kids, but I'd love to be an Aunt. Sadly for my aspirations of aunt-hood, none of my siblings show any signs of wanting kids either. Kids are an immense commitment, and an enormous responsibility. If you're not 100% commited to the prospect of parenthood, you shouldn't have them.

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am "aunty" to my neighbour's kids, and my best friends' kids. It works well.

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Aliceinpainland
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a very loving and caring 37 years old kinderganden teacher I get a lot of "How can you not be wanting to have children?? You love kids so much! You would be such a great mum!" I answer: "yeah,I love Elephants too,but that doesn't mean I want one in my home." They stop asking and shake my hand.

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Brandon Collinsworth
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am 42 and I have never ever wanted to have kids, I have 4 kids of my own, had a stepdaughter, and raised a niece and a nephew. I love them dearly and I am great parent to all of them. I still don't like children and miss having my hopes and dreams, but also I can't imagine my life without my children, some of them are grown now and I love seeing who they have grown up to be and I am super proud of any part of that I played. It is strange though as a guy who never ever wanted to have any children I ended up with 7, and being a dad is my most defining characteristic.

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Frankenfrog
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then you should've taken some action to prevent from being a father. I can understand ONE accident, but four? Come on

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mewmew34
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never really wanted kids, short of being really young and wanting twin boys and twin girls to name after the kids from the Boxcar Children books. The older I get, though, the more I want nothing to do with children. Unlike the creator of the comic, I DO hate kids, and I'm not afraid to say so. They can occasionally be cute, but more often than not they're snotty, loud, obnoxious little attention hogs with no concept of personal space. I get they don't know better, but that doesn't mean I have to like the behavior or tolerate it any longer than is necessary. I am NOT someone you want to try forcing to have children, simple as that. I would be a horrible, neglectful parent and I fully know it. That's why I will take steps to avoid pregnancy and seek an early end to a pregnancy should prevention methods fail. People can think whatever they want, I know myself better than any of them will ever know me.

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Peachikeen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get this all the time from people. My dad being the worst offender, he once asked me 3 times in one week and dismissed my reasons for not wanting them and disregarded my ability as an adult and a woman capable if making her own choices, uttering that immortal line that we all hate "you'll change your mind when you're older" then he had the audacity to try and convince my partner that we should start trying for a baby during a party at my house for my sister! I genuinely checked all our condoms for damage or pinholes once he'd left! I honestly never wanted kids, and at 29 my feelings are not changing and I find it insulting that my feelings on the subject are not respected. And like everyone else says, just because I don't want kids doesn't mean i don't like children! One woman at work actually called me "crazy" because I said I didn't want them! My partner is actually 17 years older than me and I made it clear from the beginning (as did he) that I did not want kids. I once told him that if he'd had kiss when we met I wouldn't have pursued a relationship with him either, if I dint want my own kids I certainly don't want anyone else's with all the baggage and exes that come with it. That is how I have chosen to live my life and we deserve to be respected no matter what we choose.

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Peachikeen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just to be clear, my dad wasn't trying to get me and my partner to start breeding in the middle of a party, he's polite enough to let us do that in private.. .

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AnnieLaurie Burke
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you think this is tough today, imagine what it was like in the late 1960s, with two sets of parents haranguing you incessantly. And people are still too stupid to understand that not wanting kids of your own does NOT mean that you don't love kids.

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Rose the Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Better don't have children than have them for the wrong reason and abuse them. My mother expected children to "serve" (her word) her in her old age. I got out at 20 but my sister stayed to inherit the house.

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sam
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, love it. I relate so much. I knew by age 7 that I never wanted children. And I never have. Not one day. Thankfully I'll be past my prime child-bearing years soon, and people will finally stop questioning me and my decision. Only thing I don't relate to is that I don't like kids, well like 85% of them. Very occasionally I like a child. But I just don't have whatever it is that makes people like children. I very much so agree that it is far more selfish to have an unwanted child or bring a child into this world you cannot care for properly than to choose not to have children.

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Chaz83
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. I don't like children and when people hear me that say I called all sorts of things. Monster is the most common one. I was constantly told that I would "change my mind once I settled down". I don't want to get married either so that really upsets them! I'm 36 and happy with my life as it is.

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Mean Red B
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never wanted a kid. Also I have been convinced by many doctors that I was unable to even have one, what seemed really convenient at the time. Not until I got pregnant at 33. That was a shocker. But when I saw the heartbeat everything changed. I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. I don't regret having her. I never will.

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KoalaLa
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want children, have been vocal about this my whole life... Up until last year, I was together with a guy for 4 years, great guy, he knew about the no-kids thing. Until we started looking for a house to buy and he asked "how many rooms do we need? We should keep children's rooms in mind". I told him I still don't want children, he knows this. He reacted with a "oh, I thought you would change your mind, you're a woman, you're supposed to have children". Thanks for wasting 4 years of my life, for thinking my opinion doesn't matter and you know me better then I know myself.

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Angela Allen Simms
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was 12 when I told my Mom I didn't want kids. I'm 61 and NO REGRETS!! My life has been wonderful. All my friends were informed that I do not babysit

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Tamara Horyza
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yep never wanted kids,dont care for them,no maternal instinct qhen i see one,dont get all goo eyed for babies,ill take a puppy anyday,amd if people question,i tell them pretty sure my dog as a teenager wont turn into an ungrateful s**t or murder me in my sleep for forbidding them dating that guy.

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CincyReds
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter who at the time was 21, looked at me and asked "Mom would you be disappointed in me if I didn't have kids, would be disappointed to not be a grandmother?" I just looked at her and said absolutely not! I said as long as you get plenty of dogs and cats, I will be their grandmother. She already has 3 cats, and two adorable rats, and just bought a house with a big fenced in yard. We are both animal lovers, she is RVT. I will just be an animal grandmother, and I am totally fine with that!

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Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember telling someone years ago that I didn't think I'd be any good at motherhood and thus didn't want children. He said "Well, you don't know until you try." He looked a bit taken aback when I said "Yes, exactly - you *don't* know until you actually have them. By then it's too late, you can't exactly send them back." He hadn't thought of it that way.

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pusheen buttercup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes people just know certain things about themselves. :) Like not wanting kids- or knowing they're LGBT- or what they want to be when they grow up. Sometimes they don't, sometimes they think they do and change their minds- and sometimes, they actually know what they're talking about. It's not for us to decide, only the person can know themselves that way.

madams_1 avatar
M Adams
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I did the math right, she is 23. 23 is young and yes, she could change her mind. However, there are lots of people who have children who should not. If you are not willing or able to provide and do things the child needs, do not have children. Once here, they are your responsibility.

soriana313 avatar
Sori
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I want to adopt more than have one so much, not let my genetic health conditions carry another. Plus it seems a little selfish to bring more children to a very uncertain future intentionally ....

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Erin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have never wanted children. I am an awesome aunt, I like children, but I lack that "whatever" that makes you look at a baby and go, "I MUST HAVE ONE OF THOSE". I have endured pity, hate, and ridicule for it. The bottom line is that that I do not want kids and I am so glad that I never had them.

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Muriel Gillespie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As many of the ladies said. It is selfish to have a child because of pressure out on you from your own parents and society. There are too many 'trophy' children who grow up without true love , raised by someone else and paraded out as an 'accessory ' .

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Flisey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughters don't want kids, they want a life of travel and dining out and kids tend to stop that.

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Johnny
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife has a degree in early childhood education and was certain her whole life that she'd be a mom. But then we tried... tried again... paid a lot of money to fertility doctors.. tried again.... and it just didn't happen. It turns out that we both love our childless life.

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Heather Williams
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have flip flopped between wanting kids and not wanting them. When I was younger I wanted kids. Then I did not. Now I wonder what if. But I have made a personal choice not to have kids due to mental health issues. I get frustrated very easily by noise and distraction especially when trying to concentrate on a task. So having my own kids would be very very hard and unfair to them to have a mom who is always yelling at them to keep quiet. And no, I don't think your temperament magically changes when you have a kid of your own. You do change in some ways but fundamentally you are still you.

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Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Completely agree with you. Having children is enormously hard work and if you get frustrated easily that isn't going to change - children ARE frustrating creatures. I've worked with them, I've loved them but I haven't wanted to share my day to day life outside of work with them. I need the child-free space for my sanity's sake!!

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Maris Kurm
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

38 and not needing a man and not wanting to have kids. I see the single mothers everywhere and not my cup of tea.

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Guinevere
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why on earth would it be selfish NOT to have kids, when the underlying issue for so many of humanity's problems is that there are too many people on earth?

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! When the reason people have children is because they want them, no other reason, what is that if not selfish? They don't have children because it's good for the planet or society but because THEY want them. They do it to please themselves.

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Regan Stansfield
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With 7 billion people on the planet and counting, I have never felt the urge to reproduce. I knew when I was a teen, I never wanted kids. I love children and do spend time with them but never once have thought to myself “oh I should have had kids”. They are a huge responsibility and I’m of the opinion that the world has enough problems because of people that I’ll do my part and try to fix some of the issues with my freed up time ;)

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lakitha tolbert
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really, people think this way because the only narrative mostly f us get presented with is that something is deeply wrong with women who don’t want children. That such women need to be fixed. I once got asked by a complete stranger, on the street, why I don’t have any kids! Like I had done something wrong! I think women who blatantly state their not having kids are very brave, because sometimes people react very badly.

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Rebecah Ozuna
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ohhh, i'm so going to use this on my trolls. They think i'm a pariah first for not thinking like them and second because i refuse to have kids. First of all, if you don't have a healthy environment for yourself, you should never bring a child around. Many broken relationships think that by having a baby their partners will be forced to stick around. If you don't have a nice financial support or the time to care for others, don't bring a baby to suffer with you. It's not worth the bother, and yes, a baby it's a bother and a tiresome one. They're needy and defenseless. Their existence it's not about you, it's about them. I suffer from very powerful migraines and hearing a high pitching voice will bring out the devil in me. Don't have a kid just to service you; do it because you love them. As i was abused, i won't be good to have a kid. I don't want a bother; my money last me quite nicely if i don't have an extra mouth to feed. I don't have the patience or love for a kid.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then there was a friend of my husbands that saw all his buddies getting married and having kids. He rushed into a relationship with a girl..got her pregnant and married her. It was obvious she wanted nothing to do with parenting. It finally took her leaving him to realize he messed up and rushed into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Luckily..marriage number 2 was for love and not an attempt to "keep up with the Jones's." Now he has 4 boys and full hands. He couldn't be happier.

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am nearly 60, a woman, never wanted kids. So sad that we even have to have this conversation this year. Naivety I thought this battle was over. :(_____________________________ The only response to "I don't want kids" is fair enough! Great you know yourself , and are confident to push against this ( stupid) social pressure.

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kurisutofu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it's more pronounced for women, the same things are said to men. I was like the artist, I said when I was a kid I didn't want to have kids and the only thing that changed now that I'm 38 is that I switched to "I'll have one if my wife wants it". I hate when people say "you'll change your mind, you'll see". Why? I thought about it rationally and if it's all about "feelings" instead of rationality, I don't see it change and anyway, I think basing such an important decision on feelings is bad. Like the artist, I like kids, but maybe because I know I can take a break from them. It's like food. I like to eat but not 24h a day. Oh, and the argument that "it feels so good to have someone you love so much you can't beat being apart" etc. It's fine, my wife fills that category.

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Hollie Newton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want children but trying to explain to a doctor why you take contraception 24/7 without a break (I have nasty mood swings) is a pain. Men can snip and not worry the rest of their lives. Me wanting to get sterilised is a big deal I appreciate it's irreversible but surely my decision in doing something so extreme would also indicate how badly I don't want children. I am soon to be going on the hormonal coil which is 2/3 yes it lasts but it annoys the c**p out of me I can't be considered for long term options I mean even if my partner took the measures I still feel the risk could be there. Besides which as I mentioned my hormones make me bat s**t crazy hence why I'm on contraception 24/7 not something I would want to potentially pass on but try getting a doctor to understand that

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Magpie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can so understand that. Nobody has any right to judge us , they don't know what you are going through. I'm furious that drs still wont perform tubal ligation on women in your's and similar situations.

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Chris DiFonso
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Great commentary and explanation, Kate! It is YOUR life and it is YOUR body.

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Firework
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 13, but I've already decided that I'm not going to have kids until I'm in my late 30s or early 40s, and then I'm going to adopt an autistic girl so that I can improve someone's life and I won't have to worry about if the kid turns out to be neurotypical, I get a boy, pregnancy turns out to be too painful, or I have a miscarriage.

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Karolina Hofman
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A few years back, on a devilish twist of fate, I got a job at my old school (admin job, not teaching). My old teacher was still working there. When she saw me, she tried to "catch up". It went as follows: Her: Are you married? Me: Nope. Her: Children? Me: Nope. Her: So... you didn't really achieve anything, did you. What clearly slipped her mind was the fact that I was now better educated than her and landed a job as her actual superior.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't have kids (medical issue). Everyone pushed us to "try anyway". Sure. I'll risk death so you can be happy, Total Strangers and DIstant Relatives! ... *eyeroll*....

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Weim Central
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for using the phrase I've been using for 30 years = child-free! Keep on keepin' on!

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Brandy Grote
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have liked kids. I was never in a financial position to do more than have birth control, never had a stable relationship until my mid 30s. I've had cervical cancer, and may not safely carry to term OR deliver without medical intervention. My upbringing was not ideal, and though I can deal with kids for a bit, I'm not able to parent. My husband is great, but on his dad's side his uncle had cerebral palsy, everyone had or has Alzheimer's. On his mother's side, everyone died of cancer except for the uncle that died from alcoholism. He himself was in and out of the hospital throughout his childhood with asthma and allergies. So for the good of our unborn children, we will not birth them. And that is okay!

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ERIN W.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never wanted kids and I NEVER guilty about it! Why should I, or anyone for that matter?!

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Anilda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never wanted and never will... even got a sterilization to prevent an oops.

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Rose Morgan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All well and good, but I think childcare and child vocation needs to be taught by those who have first hand experience with kids through having had them themselves and not just some "Idea" of what having a kid is like through some book.

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Rosethe
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents tried for many years to have a child. I was told I was "wanted" very much. But wanting and having are two different things. My mother, 42, never bonded with me. I wasn't the child she dreamed of. There were two children of her friend, that she loved dearly. Delicate and slender. I was a mess of coldsores. She said in a letter that I ate from the table 'like a little pig' but she continued to overfeed me. I believe she had OCD and was controlling (according to relatives). By the time I was 3 months old she had a nervous break-down, by 5 months she attempted suicide and was in a coma for days. She finished it all by suicide with a gunshot when I was only 5 years old. Now, I carry the weight of knowing all this some 55 years later. My parents should have given me up for adoption and lived the child-free lives they were most likely intended to live. I have no kids, but would have liked to, but could not. Now I am totally alone with no relatives. It really messes with me....

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Evripidou Maria
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

all through high school, every time I told my friends I don;t want kids the;d laugh and say that I would be the first to have kids. Almost 40, still don't. My dad thinks I;m sick in the head but I don;t mind.

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jiriw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no problem with being childfree but the decision must be from both husband and wife...

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Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom: When are you going to give me grandchildren?! Me: With or without a husband? Mom: Wee, with, or course! Me: Then don't hold your breath. I knew at about 25 I wasn't going to have kids. I have arthritis, and it's painful. I wouldn't wish that on someone I profess to love. Arthritis is hereditary.

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Kathy Thompson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my teens and early 20s, I said I didn't want kids. Later, I changed my mind and had two wonderful babies. This is why when my daughter was young and said she never wanted kids I told her to never say never. That was all, just allow for the possibility. She's 40 now, and happily childfree. Good for her. She is an awesome aunt to her brother's two girls though.

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Marsha Sumal
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanted ONE. Had ONE! Was a great kid, no big problems. Was called "Mommie Dearest" til he graduated, but hey, rules is rules and his were nowhere as strict as those I had to follow growing up. So girls, do whatever your heart tells you, be who YOU are, no guilt! Be good to yourselves. No one else needs to define you! Don't abuse your body. Lots of birth control out there. Myself, I used 2 Forms at all times, whether I needed it or not.

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Rhiannon Velasquez
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone I know is like but kids will change you life or but you only 14 you’ll change!! Like No this is my decision and I don’t want kids. And being part of the LGBTQ+ family I might find a girlfriend or a boyfriend and it depends. If i get a husband then im saying that I’m not going to have kids and if I have a wife im saying if you want kids you can have them.

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m O
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen! 53 year-old married woman (marriage #2), no kids. no regrets. I respect children too much to have any...

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Sasha Ross
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I loved having kids but if I had to do it over, nope..I would def. get my tubes tied. Too much stress, and work(not saying they arent worth it and maybe Im just old and tired.)..

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Mandi Ma
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are we talking about pros and cons of having kids? Either you have them or you don't. I have a kid. I don't think that I'm special because I have a kid. I also don't think that my best friend is special because she doesn't. I do not see the point in justifying any of these choices to anyone...

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Dutch VanZandt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think everyone ought to be able to decide for themselves if they want to be parents or not... Unrealistic expectations and pressure from others has most certainly led to people having kids who shouldn't have. I know there is still a serious bias attached to the 'kids free' option... it's high time we worked on that.

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Rosemary Lupo
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Roisin Reid
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I want kids, I've had very long term partners, who have all turned round to say they do not want children. I find it upsetting

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Amanda MacDonald
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People need to do what they feel is right. I have always wanted to have kids. I have one son. I love being a mother.

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Caroline Driver
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I completely agree with people not wanting to have kids, if that's their choice, ok, fine, next conversation. But we did have a friend who WHENEVER the subject of children came up, she would say 'I don't want kids, I never have since I had to look after my sister when I was young'. Every time. We never said all the 'oh you'll change your mind' or 'but it's natural' or anything like that. We knew them for about 5 years and she would still bang on about it, like a vegan telling you they're a vegan at every opportunity.

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Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, that was probably annoying but just because YOU guys never said that to her it doesn't mean she wasn't getting it from a load of other people in other areas of her life. Sometimes people go on the defensive because they've had it up to their ears elsewhere.

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago

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I had two friends that didn't want kids of their own. One was content to be around her nieces and nephews...to help with other people's kids. But she was happy about the fact that she could claim her solitude without having to feel guilty about neglecting parental responsibilities. She's a really sweet person. The other (ex) friend didn't want kids, hated kids, didn't even want to be around kids. When I had my son, she made it perfectly clear I was never to bring him over and was actually angry with me that I couldn't go out to clubs with her like I did before I got married and had a family. If you don't want kids, fine. But don't punish friends that made the decision to have them by making them choose between you or them. **And now you know why she's and ex-friend. **

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Borgia 137
Community Member
3 years ago

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Okay, i have very unpopular opinion here. I believe it is woman's right to decide whether she wants children. But. But she needs to stick with that decision after certain age. I disagree when 40-50 yrs old women have their first baby. Such change of mind is selfish. Who will be here for that kid when parents will be gone? They seem never think about further future when conceiving in higher age. Child deserves enough time with parents. I know, accidents happen even to young parents, but why make it more likely? In some cases it's like:i was busy with my life, now i have almost everything, what am i missing in my collection of life successes? Oh, i know, a baby. I repeat:it is woman's right to decide what happens with her body, just she should be considerate, that after change of mind, there will be someone else with rights too.

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Lip
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this applies for men too? Or are we still just policing women's decisions?

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ADHORTATOR
Community Member
3 years ago

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The most unwanted advices how to educate my two children came from childfree persons... It's ok if you don't want to have children

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Lucas
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister found most of her unwanted advice came from other mothers at the school gate. None of her childfree friends ever bothered her about how she brought up her little boy - they weren't that interested.

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David Fox
Community Member
3 years ago

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Soon there will be a kullin. It's a fact people can't go into child therepy with only book knowledge. They actually need to actually be able to understand children and no one understands children more then parents

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. We were all children once and most of us can remember all too well what it was like. How we thought, what we wanted, our fears and dreams. Boring times, good times, scary times. What we thought of our parents. The people who are most likely to forget what it's like to be a child are parents as they're too busy parenting. They forget what it's like from the child's perspective. Maybe that's how it has to be for some people but it does NOT invalidate the experiences that people have as children. My friend's child has a therapist and she doesn't have any children and does a perfectly good job.

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ivan bolitekurac
Community Member
3 years ago

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Omg,here comes the "i don't want kids and i am perfectly happy about it".It's fine,don't act like a f*****g vegan

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Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you not understand how much pressure women get to have kids? Read some of the comments from women who want a tubal ligation and can't get one because some stupid doctor insists "You'll change your mind."

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Victoria Swift
Community Member
3 years ago

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No be cares that you don't want to have kids. What we care about is when the no kid crowd becomes a******s and goes around condemning everyone who choses to have children.

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szatan667
Community Member
3 years ago

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Yeah right..... and then when it's almost too late to have kinds you'll find yourself catching a boyfriend of yours on a pregnancy..... IF SHE TELLS YOU SHE DOESN"T WANT KIDS -- DONT BELIEVE HER because (and oh I know this) the day WILL come

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rubbish. Read the comments from older women who have NO REGRETS about not having children. (Like me.) The only person who ever tried really hard to guilt me into having kids was a male supervisor at work.

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Zergolonoz Menieanaris
Community Member
3 years ago

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Generally people don't understand themselves. This decision can be because of unconscious fears and many other things that are in fact that you don't know yourself.

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Gleno Underhill
Community Member
3 years ago

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From genealogical history from out memory, one's lineage progresses from one generation to the next from the beginning of time to the present culminating with *you*. But you're okay with saying, "That's all. We'll stop here." Because either all of history was simply waiting to perfect itself with *you* (you're just that good) or because you don't want to be inconvenienced (because you're just that important.)

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Iapetos
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, stop trying to guilt-trip people as if their ancestors genuinely made that decision out of the hope that their lineage will go on and on. That's so absurd.

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BiEL Sampaio
Community Member
3 years ago

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None assumes they know you better than yourself, none cares really as they wouldn't care about your kids if you had any. As a parent most of those responses are just automatic the same as when you ask "how are you doing?" people don't care what's your answer. I just find it victimizing as if you were defined by the fact you don't want kids, as if it was a struggle to not want to have kids. Probably the only person that really cares if you are having kids is your parents, and that's it.

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Sterrinatu
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe some don't really care but I certainly have had some women get pretty upset with me when I say I don't want kids. I have friends or coworkers who constantly make underhanded comments about me being a "child hater". It gets pretty old after a while.

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Bill
Community Member
3 years ago

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At least women don't have to worry about a certain surprise from years ago when using those genetic testing sites. Im scared to use them.

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Sumkindawunderful
Community Member
3 years ago

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Exactly, this woman should never have kids-people like this shouldn't procreate

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