“She Logged Into My Husband’s Facebook Account”: MIL Announces Daughter-In-Law’s Pregnancy, Is Hurt When She Gets Yelled At
Secrets have a way of spreading. It takes only one set of loose lips for a secret to turn into gossip. Especially if you reveal a secret to someone and then remind them to not tell anyone else. That’s just asking for trouble, though it hardly excuses the blabbermouth from not respecting you and spreading the sensitive information further.
One redditor, a married 23-year-old, opened up about some fiery family drama with her mother-in-law, as well as her husband. She explained how she wanted to keep the fact that she got pregnant a secret until she’s come to a decision. However, her mother-in-law disregarded any sense of privacy and took this decision out of her hands. The redditor got incredibly angry at her and she’s now asking the AITA community for a verdict on who was in the wrong here.
Scroll down for the full story, what the fallout was, and how the internet reacted. And when you’re done reading it, share your own verdict in the comment section, Pandas.
Some people have no sense of privacy or boundaries, and are quick to break your trust
Image credits: Solen Feyissa (not the actual photo)
A woman who got pregnant opened up about what happened when her husband blabbed about the baby to his mother
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Things got out of hand very quickly
Image credits: Fallen-Grace5656
There were two main issues with this whole situation. First of all, the husband broke his wife’s trust and told his mother about the pregnancy even though his partner asked him not to tell anyone at all.
And secondly, the mother-in-law decided to tell everyone about the pregnancy while pretending to be her son, by using his Facebook account. It seems like it will be very difficult to rebuild trust in both of these cases, and it will take a lot of time.
The majority of redditors who read the story were on the pregnant woman’s side. They thought that it was the husband and his mother who were to blame, 100%. They repeatedly went against the OP’s wishes and trampled over her feelings. What’s more, they put pressure on her to keep the baby, even though she was clear that she was still considering all of her options.
Relationship and self-love coach Alex Scot previously explained to Bored Panda how boundaries work. She suggested that the closer someone is to you, the more flexible those boundaries should be. Nonetheless, these boundaries have to exist and you have to enforce them, whether we’re talking about coworkers, friends, or in this case, family.
“Without them [boundaries], we live our lives at the expense of ourselves. The mindset for many when it comes to setting boundaries is that they feel selfish, or that they aren’t being a good partner when they implement them, so they avoid doing it altogether,” she told us.
“This only causes resentment to build and overwhelm to set in both within the individual and the relationship as a whole. Boundaries are there for us to be able to take care of and to protect ourselves so that we can show up and operate within our lives as successfully as possible.”
She added that strict boundaries are usually unsustainable in relationships, as there’s a need for compromise in certain situations.
Here’s what some redditors had to say about the situation, and the warnings they gave the OP
If I were that woman I'd make an announcement on FB that I had a miscarriage. Next I'd find a divorce lawyer and an abortion clinic. The husband and his mother showed what kind of people they really are and it's not the best kind of people.
I'd add to the announcement about the miscarriage that this is why we wanted to keep the pregnancy quiet until the third trimester but unfortunately MIL was just 'too excited' and had to tell people (that way it sounds like you understand her behaviour but everyone else reading it will judge her). And then divorce ASAP because this woman is going to try and run the OP's life for the entire time they're married and the husband has made it clear where he stands on that.
Load More Replies...She gets to decide if she wants to raise 2 children, one child or none. The next question, if she chooses 1, will it be her husband or her child.
Load More Replies...This feels like the husband wants the baby and it's the wife that's unsure, and the husband is using his mommy to put pressure on the wife, without seeming to do so. Maybe he even messed with her birthcontrol to cause the unplanned pregnancy in the first place.
I'd say this is a likely possibility, too. Either way, she needs to abort everything--baby, husband, MIL, marriage, all of it--and get as far away from these assholes. This MIL is giving real "kidnap the baby as a surprise" vibes. (Look up the story on Reddit. It's a ride.)
Load More Replies...Every time I read one of these "AITA" stories, I ask myself if they are true, especially since most of them are somehow about MILs overstepping boundaries and clearly being the a-hole. But then I think, even if this particular story is made up, there are 7.753 billion on this planet and something like this probably really has happened to someone, somewhere, somewhen.
Oh... I have some mother in law stories. lol My mother in law was pretty special when my husband and I married. The difference is my husband called his mother out (respectfully but firmly) for her bad behavior and supported me in establishing clear boundaries. MIL and I now have an excellent relationship and we have a genuine mutual affection and respect for each other. And husband and I have a very strong marriage that hasn't been eroded by years of interfering MIL.
Load More Replies...This one is really sad. The husband and MIL might be genuinely excited about having a baby, but they're just steamrolling over OP and her concerns. They're acting out of touch with reality. It sounds like OP needs a lot of support now, and I hope she gets it.
Good for you that termination is legal where you live. No Child deserves that kind of father an grandmother
Hope it's not Texas, Bc they'll charge you with murder if you terminate. And there's no clause for rape or incest. Recently there was a woman that was charged with this (they'll give $10k to the person who reports it), but it was dropped. Not sure if it was a miscarriage or Bc of the public outrage (they said it was a "forced" abortion, idk if they meant coat hanger or a pill to expel, but either way, wtf). Archaic laws and assholes who make them, I guess.
Load More Replies...Oooo this is infuriating. First of all... lets say you were really happy about it. For some people, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to give the announcement to family and friends in a special way. Not everyone wants or has more than one child so this should absolutely be up to the parents to announce however they choose to do it and she stole that from you. Also why does she have your husband's log in info for facebook? How on earth would she think this is just okay to do? And if you miscarried? I think, at this point, one of the best things you could do is make a post explaining very clearly what happened to everyone. Take the shame out of your decision and put your MiL on blast for doing such a thing. Many women will come to your defense. I normally wouldn't say to get confrontational like that but she really deserves it for such a horrible thing. She made it public...do the same to her. I would be so upset. And I'd ask your husband why this is ok with him.
Why are so many of these AITA posts by married women so. . . I don’t k is how to say it. Why are there so many absolutely emotionally unavailable men being married in this world? So many of these AITA posts are absolutely horrendous when it comes to these ridiculously fragile men.
His Fb account, her body. Now the MIL has forced her hand and made them to be the A**holes if they don't keep the baby. She sabotaged their right to make this decision...and she's surprised her DIL yelled at her?
Abortion and Divorce do not necessarily go hand in hand. You can have the baby and get a divorce. But definitely get a divorce.
I'm sorry if this comes off wrong but I have personal experience with people not married but engaged who have a child. My brother's mother is horrible and takes her anger out on him and the rest of our family. Considering that OP probably I'm assuming lives in either the UK or USA abortion would be better especially seeing as she seems unsure about the baby and not ehr husband as she's the one that has to go through the pregnancy and most of the care not him. Sorry if it comes off like I'm attacking you I'm not.
Load More Replies...Man, what is wrong with some people... What was going through that moms head? and the husband?
First of all, 23 and married is something concerning to me, but I know different lives different paths etc so ok. What is wrong here, according to me, is the husband talling to his mother about the pregnancy. You just don't do it. All the rest is just downhill from this.
That's a perfectly normal age to get married, especially if you've been with the person for awhile. I got married at that age. Thank God there was no kids. 🤣
Load More Replies...First, for the sake of the child, have an abortion. Second, divorce the husband for your own peace of mind that a toxic family and disrespectful jerk will be out of your life and if anyone asks... Tell them everything
This is no longer a red flag, it’s a red banner the size of Europe. Get… out… from… under… it… before… it… burns. And it will burn.
My MIL was narcissistic and that's where her son got it from. She was so evil and hateful and just not right minded. She criticized everything. No one ever told her she was wrong until I did. My husband actually said they allow her to speak her opinion and then carry on. Not I. She even criticized my husband to me and said things about him that I hadn't experienced. I let her know that her behavior wasn't OK to me in a polite way. The MIL and I got along well when her son and I were just friends. She was so disappointed he married someone not pure white. She was a complete messy character. She's not dead, she has Dementia and her personality has changed immensely. She doesn't even remember that she hates her son. It's sad that she's ill......but Karma.
I can't stand people who can't stand up to their parents.. stop being a pussy, speak up, defend yourself and significant other.
She needs to realise that her partners answer to getting his own way is to bully or manipulate her till he gets what he wants. I know from experience that this gets worse as time goes on. It should be her decision now about the baby and the only way she will be allowed to decide is to get away from him and his family. The fact that there was any decision to be made in the first place says a lot about the relationship. It is not for a lot of random strangers online to tell her she should have an abortion, that is her decision and hers alone, as she id the one who will have to live with it.
Your disgusting. There are people desperate to have a baby and your considering killing yours. How about adoption or use a f*****g condom.
You don't know the circumstances here, and birth control fails.
Load More Replies...If I were that woman I'd make an announcement on FB that I had a miscarriage. Next I'd find a divorce lawyer and an abortion clinic. The husband and his mother showed what kind of people they really are and it's not the best kind of people.
I'd add to the announcement about the miscarriage that this is why we wanted to keep the pregnancy quiet until the third trimester but unfortunately MIL was just 'too excited' and had to tell people (that way it sounds like you understand her behaviour but everyone else reading it will judge her). And then divorce ASAP because this woman is going to try and run the OP's life for the entire time they're married and the husband has made it clear where he stands on that.
Load More Replies...She gets to decide if she wants to raise 2 children, one child or none. The next question, if she chooses 1, will it be her husband or her child.
Load More Replies...This feels like the husband wants the baby and it's the wife that's unsure, and the husband is using his mommy to put pressure on the wife, without seeming to do so. Maybe he even messed with her birthcontrol to cause the unplanned pregnancy in the first place.
I'd say this is a likely possibility, too. Either way, she needs to abort everything--baby, husband, MIL, marriage, all of it--and get as far away from these assholes. This MIL is giving real "kidnap the baby as a surprise" vibes. (Look up the story on Reddit. It's a ride.)
Load More Replies...Every time I read one of these "AITA" stories, I ask myself if they are true, especially since most of them are somehow about MILs overstepping boundaries and clearly being the a-hole. But then I think, even if this particular story is made up, there are 7.753 billion on this planet and something like this probably really has happened to someone, somewhere, somewhen.
Oh... I have some mother in law stories. lol My mother in law was pretty special when my husband and I married. The difference is my husband called his mother out (respectfully but firmly) for her bad behavior and supported me in establishing clear boundaries. MIL and I now have an excellent relationship and we have a genuine mutual affection and respect for each other. And husband and I have a very strong marriage that hasn't been eroded by years of interfering MIL.
Load More Replies...This one is really sad. The husband and MIL might be genuinely excited about having a baby, but they're just steamrolling over OP and her concerns. They're acting out of touch with reality. It sounds like OP needs a lot of support now, and I hope she gets it.
Good for you that termination is legal where you live. No Child deserves that kind of father an grandmother
Hope it's not Texas, Bc they'll charge you with murder if you terminate. And there's no clause for rape or incest. Recently there was a woman that was charged with this (they'll give $10k to the person who reports it), but it was dropped. Not sure if it was a miscarriage or Bc of the public outrage (they said it was a "forced" abortion, idk if they meant coat hanger or a pill to expel, but either way, wtf). Archaic laws and assholes who make them, I guess.
Load More Replies...Oooo this is infuriating. First of all... lets say you were really happy about it. For some people, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to give the announcement to family and friends in a special way. Not everyone wants or has more than one child so this should absolutely be up to the parents to announce however they choose to do it and she stole that from you. Also why does she have your husband's log in info for facebook? How on earth would she think this is just okay to do? And if you miscarried? I think, at this point, one of the best things you could do is make a post explaining very clearly what happened to everyone. Take the shame out of your decision and put your MiL on blast for doing such a thing. Many women will come to your defense. I normally wouldn't say to get confrontational like that but she really deserves it for such a horrible thing. She made it public...do the same to her. I would be so upset. And I'd ask your husband why this is ok with him.
Why are so many of these AITA posts by married women so. . . I don’t k is how to say it. Why are there so many absolutely emotionally unavailable men being married in this world? So many of these AITA posts are absolutely horrendous when it comes to these ridiculously fragile men.
His Fb account, her body. Now the MIL has forced her hand and made them to be the A**holes if they don't keep the baby. She sabotaged their right to make this decision...and she's surprised her DIL yelled at her?
Abortion and Divorce do not necessarily go hand in hand. You can have the baby and get a divorce. But definitely get a divorce.
I'm sorry if this comes off wrong but I have personal experience with people not married but engaged who have a child. My brother's mother is horrible and takes her anger out on him and the rest of our family. Considering that OP probably I'm assuming lives in either the UK or USA abortion would be better especially seeing as she seems unsure about the baby and not ehr husband as she's the one that has to go through the pregnancy and most of the care not him. Sorry if it comes off like I'm attacking you I'm not.
Load More Replies...Man, what is wrong with some people... What was going through that moms head? and the husband?
First of all, 23 and married is something concerning to me, but I know different lives different paths etc so ok. What is wrong here, according to me, is the husband talling to his mother about the pregnancy. You just don't do it. All the rest is just downhill from this.
That's a perfectly normal age to get married, especially if you've been with the person for awhile. I got married at that age. Thank God there was no kids. 🤣
Load More Replies...First, for the sake of the child, have an abortion. Second, divorce the husband for your own peace of mind that a toxic family and disrespectful jerk will be out of your life and if anyone asks... Tell them everything
This is no longer a red flag, it’s a red banner the size of Europe. Get… out… from… under… it… before… it… burns. And it will burn.
My MIL was narcissistic and that's where her son got it from. She was so evil and hateful and just not right minded. She criticized everything. No one ever told her she was wrong until I did. My husband actually said they allow her to speak her opinion and then carry on. Not I. She even criticized my husband to me and said things about him that I hadn't experienced. I let her know that her behavior wasn't OK to me in a polite way. The MIL and I got along well when her son and I were just friends. She was so disappointed he married someone not pure white. She was a complete messy character. She's not dead, she has Dementia and her personality has changed immensely. She doesn't even remember that she hates her son. It's sad that she's ill......but Karma.
I can't stand people who can't stand up to their parents.. stop being a pussy, speak up, defend yourself and significant other.
She needs to realise that her partners answer to getting his own way is to bully or manipulate her till he gets what he wants. I know from experience that this gets worse as time goes on. It should be her decision now about the baby and the only way she will be allowed to decide is to get away from him and his family. The fact that there was any decision to be made in the first place says a lot about the relationship. It is not for a lot of random strangers online to tell her she should have an abortion, that is her decision and hers alone, as she id the one who will have to live with it.
Your disgusting. There are people desperate to have a baby and your considering killing yours. How about adoption or use a f*****g condom.
You don't know the circumstances here, and birth control fails.
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