Husband Refuses To Give Jobless Wife Spending Money, Ignoring The Fact That She Used Her Inheritance Money To Buy Them A House And 2 Cars
One of the most common sources of married couples getting in fights is money. People who have more money or are the only ones working in the family often may still expect both partners to contribute to their common budget equally, even if the less-earning partner takes on more of the other responsibilities.
This man on Reddit was unhappy about his wife not working and didn’t want to fund her hobbies because he didn’t think it was his responsibility, even though she was taking care of their newborn daughter and she used her inheritance money to allow the family to live comfortably.
More info: Reddit
Woman spent her entire inheritance to improve her and her husband’s lives now that she became a SAHM, but he still thinks she should earn money for herself
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) and his wife had been working full-time jobs and earned low-middle income up until their daughter was born, when the wife took her maternity leave. And even though the pregnancy and giving birth negatively impacted her mental and physical health, she returned to work 3 months later out of necessity.
Another 3 months passed and the wife lost her grandma, who was her only family and pretty much raised her. She left her granddaughter a big inheritance, which allowed the family to buy a house instantly, two cars, and there was more left to invest to have extra money for retirement.
Even though the family was living in a new house and didn’t have a burden of debt, the wife was struggling mentally and was having troubles at work, so she decided to be a stay-at-home mom.
The OP’s wife started going to work again after she gave birth to their daughter, but when her grandmother died, she left due to physical and metal health issues
Image credits: throwaway3048172
The OP was resentful that his wife is not working because he would have liked to be a stay-at-home-dad as well instead of working 36 hours a week. He expressed his dissatisfaction when his wife brought up budgeting and solutions for them to all live off of his salary alone as he didn’t like the idea of giving money to his wife for her own enjoyment like clothes, haircuts and gym.
He is already the only one paying for the bills and food, so he doesn’t think that caring for his wife is his responsibility, although he doesn’t have a problem of buying things for his daughter, at least. Even after his wife explained that her inheritance is bigger than the amount of money he will earn from his job in his whole life, the OP needs confirmations from others that his wife isn’t asking for much.
When the grandmother died, she left a lot of money that covered the OP’s house, two cars and there was some left for retirement, so their finances were stable
Image credits: throwaway3048172
You could say that receiving an inheritance while you are married to someone is both a blessing and a curse. According to The Wall Street Journal, the most common things couples fight over is how the inheritance should be used, if it can be put aside for children from previous marriages and what will happen to it in the case of a divorce or death.
It seems that the couple in the story didn’t have a problem deciding what to do with the money and where it should go, but whether it was enough to justify the wife not having a job and staying at home looking after their baby.
People in the comments quickly came to the OP’s wife’s defense and considered him ungrateful for his wife using her own inheritance to improve their whole family’s lives and he is saying that the money he earned is just his own.
Redditors also had a problem with the OP telling his wife to shop only secondhand and find people to do her favors for free as it is demeaning and it’s almost saying that she is worthless. And even if she didn’t have that inheritance, she has been taking care of their baby, which is already a full-time job.
But the OP thought it was unfair that he is the only one working and didn’t think it was his responsibility to pay for his wife’s hobbies or clothes
Image credits: throwaway3048172
They assumed the wife did the cleaning and cooking as well, so the 36 hours the husband was working in a week didn’t seem that bad considering how much time and energy such a lifestyle takes.
A study commissioned by Welch’s Grape Fruit Juice in 2017 revealed that women who decide not to work and take care of their house and baby spend 98 hours a week on their duties. And if you consider a standard work week consisting of 40 hours, being a mom equals to 2 full-time jobs without weekends or holidays, without a possibility to take a day off.
Salary.com took some of the duties a mom does such as accountant, bookkeeper, educator, dietitian, janitor, laundry manager, psychologist, tailor and others to try to calculate how much a mom would earn if she were paid for her work of just staying at home and managing her house and children.
According to their estimate, the medium annual salary of a stay-at-home mom would have been over $162k a year in 2018. So saying that they are not pulling their weight is a complete lie. In this particular case we should also remember that the OP’s wife has a disability and she didn’t keep all of the inheritance money for herself.
Despite the fact that the inheritance the wife invested in both of their lives is bigger than the amount he will ever earn in his life
Image credits: throwaway3048172
Image credits: denisbin (not the actual photo)
For these reasons, people in the comments deemed the OP to be a jerk and a very inconsiderate husband who doesn’t deserve the car and the home that he received with the retirement money he will get to have a comfortable end of life.
We would like to know what your thoughts are and if you think the husband has a right to require his wife to work to have money because he will not be giving her any. Would you think the same if the wife hadn’t received an inheritance and shared it with the husband? Let us know in the comments!
Redditors couldn’t console the OP and tell him that he’s right because they believed he was mistreating his wife and didn’t value his child’s mom
I'd immediately begin to charge this person half of a reasonable rent and their half of a car payment. Then I'd have my rec money
If this account is accurate, we still only have his side of the story. The situation might actually be something entirely different. I think the husband feels very inadequate & he's jealous of his wife & the good fortune that fell her way. Still, he's happy as long as her inheritance benefits him in the form of a new home, new cars, & new investments but he's not happy that his wife wants to use HIS income for personal items. This is a very troubling scenario because it says that the husband views his wife's money as THEIR money but the income HE makes is HIS money & only he gets to decide how to use it. His excuse for not sharing HIS money with HIS wife is that it somehow has more value because he "earned it." A dollar that's "earned" buys the exact same thing that a "free" dollar buys. What he's really saying is that he doesn't see his wife as an equal partner in their marriage. He thinks his wife & his child are HIS possessions, which they are not.
He very much reminds me of "What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine"
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He's not exactly working his fingers to the bone, he works 36hrs which will give him a lot of time off work. If he was working 60+ hours I could understand why he was feeling a bit hard done by. However, he has a nice house (no mortgage) a car (no car payments) which his wife could have chosen not to buy them and simply use HER inheritance to retire early. He doesn't seem like he wants to be in a supportive, loving relationship which is a real partnership. It shouldn't be my money and your money it should be our money, especially since they have a daughter and the wife is mildly disabled.
The part about the 36 hours cracked me up! That's not even considered full time! What a maroon!
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I don't understand how this guy doesn't know he's being an ungrateful a*****e. Wife lost the equivalent of a mother while possibly going through postpartum depression by the sound of it. forget that jerk. The wife should get rid of husband's car, take the retirement money, kick him out of HER house and divorce his a*s and demand child support since he's ok supporting the kid.. Then wife can use the rest of the money for herself and he can F off. She's too nice for him. Definitely YTA
Unfortunately it's no longer her house if she put him on title, it was her inheritance but she used it for community property. She'll have to pay him out for him to move. Hopefully not CA where she'll pay half, some states have more "fair" payouts. Either way might be forced to sell
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Total AH. How much a month are they saving on a mortgage and car payments. Not to mention saving for retirement. He sounds like a whiney baby. He works 36 hours a week and is still resentful!?!
He's not just a whiny baby, he's a nasty, spiteful, ungrateful baby. I'll bet the wife is not just taking care of their baby, she's also take of him and the house, with no help from him. And if he became a stay-at-home dad and she went out to work again, she would still be doing most of the work at home, too. If I were her, I'd get out of this marriage, asap. This guy creeps me out. I can picture him hiring a hit on her, thinking he's slick and poorly treated and that she deserves to be gone, permanently, so that everything is his alone. Selfish, misogynistic tool.
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Guessing Mr. Iordache is an unmarried individual or feels scorned by some woman in his past. Hate runs deep in the MAGAverse
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Easy fix just sell the car she bought him then she has money for her stuff and he can buy his own dam car
Dude’s a douche canoe. She had a rough pregnancy mentally and physically, lost her beloved grandma AND struggled returning to work. But said grandma came to her and the baby's rescue in the inheritance because, clearly, the OP wasn't doing jack. She bought their house and two cars outright, put money aside for their retirement, takes care of their child (also, presumably, by herself), but she's not "allowed" money to fund her quite "expensive" hobby... of sewing. What on Earth? As someone who sews as well as games, I can tell you here and now that sewing is a whole hell of a lot cheaper (and more productive, unless he's planning on starting a channel or something) than gaming. And 36 hours a week? Doing what? This man-child doesn't have a leg to stand on. At all. Thoroughly ungrateful. Ps. I daresay he'd also whine if she stopped going to the gym. Being a busy mom, she probably wouldn't "look good" enough for him anymore.
SERIOUSLY?!?!...she should have taken the money and left. He is just upset that he didn't get the chance to be a SAHD. I hope she finds out you posted this and puts you out. Please know your spouse before you marry them! Wait and he works 36hrs a week GTFOH!!!
It's interesting,isn't it, that he's using a throwaway ID to post this as 'people know him on here'. If he's that sure he's justified in his behaviour, why should it bother him if people who know him, read it?
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And this is a perfect example of a male who thinks he is OWED a woman and this life SHE created for THEM. He is a colossal åsshole
He demoted her to a baby making machine. Values his daughter but not his wife
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with an attitude like that, he should be worried about her leaving him and taking the house, cars and investments with her. he thinks it's "unfair" - seriously, he doesn't have a mortgage or car payment and he's complaining about working 36 hours a week? i would have left him yesterday.
So she bought them a house and two cars, free and clear, along with putting away enough money to retire on, but he doesn't want to pay for her gym membership or sewing supplies? What is she sewing that it's worth the cost of a house and two cars? And he's complaining about working 36 hours a week? That's not even full time. Calm down man.
So you want her to buy used clothing and get free services from friends so you don't have to pay for it? But she spent her inheritance on providing a stable home for y'alls family, made sure you both had reliable transportation and invested in your future retirement and you wanna whine about clothing, gym membership and haircuts? You ATA for being extremely ungrateful and trying to degrade your wife. Pay your half of the home, the entire amount of your vehicle and don't forget to add interest. You definitely ata & don't deserve to have a wife that thinks about her family and not her own wants and needs. You should be grateful & appreciative but aren't.
It's sad when a couple isn't working as a team. My husband & I have gone through ALOT in the decade we've been together. Jobless. Unemployment. Homeless. Lived with my dad while we got caught up. He left for trucking school. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness & can't work but powered thru cause we didn't have a choice. He started making good money. Forced me to stop working (in a good way. I needed to but I didn't want him to feel pressured to overwork himself) & since then we've adopted alot of animals & it's actually turned into a rehab/rescue center for feral cats & orphaned wild animals. I only do this. I don't make money. But it's our money that he makes. Because we are a team. We don't have kids I can't. But the animals are our kids & he loves them just as much as I do so it's him supporting his family. & I'm in the works of starting a business so he can retire in the next couple years. We are a team. 100%. If you don't act like a team. You'll never make it work.
This ^^^ is what it should be about! Team work. **********************************The OP in the post is definitely a PIECE OF S**T! The article even stated that the average house wife if paid for her jack of all trades was paid in money would be 162k. I'm pretty sure the OP doesn't make 162K a year and needs to calm his tits down. The way I take it is two Millennials married to quick. He knew she had physical health issues and mental health issues yet he used that to prey on her. Her with no family now since her Nan died she is alone in this world without a strong backbone to whip him into the true reality of a marriage. Of course he now has been confronted about being an a*****e like any millennial they got butt hurt and went to the internet for advice only to find out he was indeed the A*****e of all Assholes. Hopefully she can rise from the brokeness and rid of him even if she has to sell the house and cars to divide it as marital property.
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Yta she has a full time job staying home.to take care of your daughter and the house. Yes you should give us some of the money you earn to help her mental health by having a gym membership and sewing hobbies.
The husband is completely out of line. Typically any money that both the husband and wife earn from work during the marriage is considered marital money in most states. However, her inheritance is NOT considered marital money unless, again depending on the state they live in, that money is combined with or used to purchase marital assets such as a house in which they cohabitate, joint retirement investments, etc. The laws are not always black and white on these matters. But laws aside, he is definitely ungrateful and selfish for refusing to acknowledge the wife's more than generous contributions to the household. She did not have to share her inheritance money, and she continues to contribute to the household by staying home to care for their child and run the household, while grieving the loss of her grandmother. He should be grateful he has no mortgage or car payments, no childcare expenses, his home is maintained and he enjoys all this while only working 36 hours a week.
I'm laughing at the fact that your mad about how you have to work 36 hour a week. You can cry about it when your pulling 80-90 hour weeks and still having no money to put away.
The husband is so pathetic and ungrateful. He doesn't deserve the woman he married. I hope you read this. You're not being a decent man here. You're being an ungrateful child who sounds like he just wants more time to game. Please, sir, tell me the noble pursuits you would be chasing with your extra 36 (scoff) hours of free time? Would you be a better father to your child? I think, and stay with me here, you should first learn to be a better husband to your wife. Truly, and I mean absolutely, you are such an idiot for posting this. This reads so poorly I can't believe you wrote it and chose to submit it. I suppose this could just be a fake story because otherwise, it's about as bad as it gets.
Sounds to me like the problem goes a lot deeper than the money. They should go to couples counseling to work things out.
Yeah it is deeper. The money isn't the issue. The issue is she married an entitled man-baby. I hope she divorces him and raises her daughter to avoid those ugly selfish ones. The poor wife probably doesn't have much self-esteem or she wouldn't be with this idiot.
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I don’t think that it should be an issue with her staying at home. However them claiming it takes 98/week to be a stay at home mom is bogus! I work from home and am a stay at home dad and I still work way less than when I worked 12/day. Anyways OP is being ridiculous.
Depends on the person and their situation. Your experience isn't the measuring stick, my guy.
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I checked the original post on reddit and the coward didn't even reply to a single person. I really hope he either changes his attitude quickly or that the wife finds someone who appreciates her better.
Charge him rent. Charge him for car payments. Pull the money out of his retirement you put in for him. Or dump the whole man, downsize your house, get child support from him, then see how much extra money he has left over. Absurd.
You, sir, are a certified AH. I sincerely hope that your wife gets some much needed professional help along with a very good lawyer. Yes, you should try to work through it, but your attitude from what you've written, suggests that you're an ungrateful bum! You conveniently see your contribution as significant but not hers? How do you like living rent/mortgage free? How are you liking the new payment free automobile ? You don't deserve that woman. If she had decided to keep her inheritance to herself, you would be fit to be tied, wouldn't you? Get over yourself you ingrate! Look at her gym membership as part of her therapy. Lord knows she needs somewhere to get away from you! If her hair isn't done YOU will complain that she's unattractive. Examine yourself! You're a lout!
Courtney me I would've immediately told you to get out of my house that I bought and leave my car that I bought behind. How dare you treat your wife like she's a bother like she's worthless and she gave birth to your daughter it's crazy how forget that you wouldn't be comfortable in that house that is totally paid for plus driving the car that is totally paid for which she bought. The fall that you forced her to shop at thrift stores but you don't is totally bogus. She should divorce you immediately and cut her losses because you're a total loser.
You know usually you have to see the other person's side to see when someone is being childish, jealous, and generally just throwing a temper tantrum. But here he says it straight out. "I want to be a SAHD as well but since I can't I will do whatever i can to ensure that she can't comfortably do it either". That's just plain unadulterated jealousy.
Where do these people get their entitlement? She's paid her share. You have to work, oh boo hoo. 36 hours a week? I was a nurse back in the day. I worked 36 hour shifts in an ER. Grow up
IMO based on the one-sided information provided: husband is a total jerk who shows no compassion or appreciation for his wife. He appears to be selfish, egotistical, jealous, ungrateful, uncaring and entitled. Poor husband…he has to work all of 36 hours per week. Plus he wants to be a stay-at-home dad on his wife’s inheritance. Don’t we all feel sorry for him?? NOT. I hope wife has protected herself financially from this grifter. Unless husband grows up, gets counseling, understands and accepts his responsibilities, I only envision his poor attitude will escalate over time. Wife, RUN, NOT WALK away from this immature child man. You deserve better.
He's wrong. .her inheritance was legally hers alone, not community property.... she didn't have to do it but did...he's not holding up his end of things.
Yep. I hope her grandmother left good instructions with her estate lawyer. She needs to make sure she names the kid as sole beneficiary and then set it up in a trust that's overseen by someone not as lazy as her husband.
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Y T A! Wow! What a POS. She should divorce you and keep the house and both cars.
The only reason you even HAVE a life is because your wife's inheritance gave you one. It's a very good thing my words would be censored if I called you out. Show your wife some respect you spineless child. If your wife was the one writing I would advise she kick you out with nothing except your clothes.
If I was the wife I'd just say: "let's divorce, you leave the house, leave the cars, leave the retirement money. I need them to fund my hobbies since you won't."
Why is she still with this guy? As soon as he would've said something stupid like second hand clothes, he would've had to get out!
This makes me really angry. It is NOT his money, it is THEIRS. And to say his wife is not his responsibility is the most selfish thing I've ever heard. Even if she hadn't received an inheritance, as a spouse, both husband and wife are responsible for each other--mentally, emotionally, and physically. They both have a duty to provide for each other and their children. If one is not in the position to work (i.e. mental health issues, taking care of kids and the house), then the other is absolutely responsible for supporting them. I certainly hope he reads and learns from the responses everyone's given and figures out that he is being a totally selfish jerk and needs to start taking care of his wife better. I don't like the idea of divorce if it can be avoided, but if he doesn't put in the effort to avoid it by being responsible and grateful, then he's headed down a dark road where he doesn't deserve her.
Talk about a "poor me!" The cost of everything she does at home (cooking, cleaning, laundry, caring for daughter) not to mention he isn't paying a mortgage or a car payment. He needs a swift kick in the pants...grow up!
What was the intention of putting this public? Was it to get another selfless man approval of his actions? In a family there is no my, yours, etc... is is all ours (everything belongs to the family) equal rights... you have the right to get a gym membership, so does she... you have the right of new clothing.. so does she... you have the rights to get your haircut.. so does she. You are a family, there is no more me.. but us.
When you marry, your income is hers, and hers, if she has any, is yours. There is only OURS not mine and yours. Didn't you take vows to take care of her? She IS caring for you and your daughter, 24 hours a day. BE A MAN AND PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY! That is what a real man does! And getting clothes and a haircut are not hobbies! You are not only the a*****e, you are pathetic!
He can pay her back for his car, personally I'd charge interest, followed by paying her back for half their house, again, with interest. By that time their kid should be done with college, which he can pay half of as well. Not to mention the fact he seems to think he's going to one day enjoy their investments, which are based on her inheritance. The fact he even thinks of himself in this selfish way when she's having depression/mental issues while being a SAHM says MORE than enough. He needs to just SAY LESS AND BE THANKFUL.
OP, f**k you from the bottom of my heart. You supportive jack as! Your wife should sell the new car she bought you and use that money and invest the rest so that she can continue to fund her hobbies. That is if she doesn't he just divorce you and take the house and the cars that she bought. Just to drive it home F**K YOU!
HE NEEDS THAT CAR TO BE PARKED UP HIS STINGY LITTLE BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!™
He is lazy, ungrateful, demeaning, cheap, insensitive, and a grown cry-baby! UNBELIEVABLE! She has done basically a lifetime of work with her inheritance. How many people can live that comfortably without the stress of paying the mortgage and a car note? Those, besides kids, are your biggest bills and he’s trippin’ about a gym membership and a clothes allowance? He sounds like a grown wuss. She should take some of that investment money and start her own stay-at-home business, make three-times what he makes in a month and make him keep working even though she could afford him to quit. I mean it’s only right if he is going by what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine, right? I have always said one good turn deserves another.
Imagine if the man was too emotionally distraught to get a job 😬 he would be lambasted...suck it up buttercup get a job
What's she doing having kids when she's too mentally unstable to work? Sorry, I have a problem with her.
What a man!!! , you're an AH to the fullest. It was ok for her to spend inheritance on things to improve your living arrangement. But you can't seem, to be a real man. And take care of your family. My mother never worked a day in her life. But worked as ASHM. My father only took 1 week a vacation a year to be with us. And my mom got his check bought and paid for what we needed. And he never complained. Didn't even take days off, when sick Actually he worked in garage when he was ill. To make sure money was not lost. When he couldn't punch in on ⏰ clock. They raised 6 kids on his check. And never resentment but Love for his wife raising the family.. Money was tight but a very strong family and respect for our father and mother. You dear sir need a reality check. And how about you pay for your portion of rent and car payment and nanny service
Did you space on the "in sickness and in health" part of your vows when you married her? She didn't have to buy you a house, a car, or HAVE YOUR F*****G BABY! She obviously has post Partum issues she needs help with and working while trying to get better pretty much nulls the process. Having a baby, losing a parent, and having to get sent back to work just to lose the job anyway is a traumatic event and you haven't been there for her emotionally at all if all you are worried about is finances.
He ignored the fact that his wife could make a living with sewing. Doing repair of clothes, making new ones and making curtains, not only for his own family but she could sell her work then. Also "Happy Wife, Happy Life". A membership for the gym is investing in her physical and mental health, thus benefiting both child and spouse too. Such a silly, shortsighted man. But, maybe we don't know the whole story. It could be that he does all chores when he is at home, he did express his predilection for sahd.
F I will pay for her sewing stuff and a gym membership. That's the deal of a life time. Just the amount she saved the family in mortgage interest over a 30 year or even 15 year should be enough to pay for the mist expensive sewing kit she can find and a lifetime gym mambership
Wait he isn't getting any use out of that gym package. Let's remove it and see how he feels if she starts gaining weight. Also he isn't having to pay rent. That is a huge amount of money month. A high doubt the gym and fabric cost that. But I am a hundred percent sure could use this post to argue why she should get to keep it and roughly 50% of his paycheck until she decides to remarry which for me would be 3months after the kid aged out.
36 hours a week... I work 40-50 a week just to pay for my crummy little apartment. Here this guy is living in a house and driving a new car he didn't have to pay for. Complete a*****e
Oh, he is TOTALLY the AH! If I were her, I'd schedule out everything I did and what it would cost to hire someone else to do it, and BILL HIM!
YTA. The wife already has mental health issues. It seemed the OP wrote, understood her mental health struggles. What the OP doesn’t understand is you denying her money is telling her she is not worthy. Which just adds into her mental health problems.
You are definitely an AH! She bought a house and cars in cash and you're upset you have to work 36 hours a week? I'm grateful I'm a SAHM and my husband does not act like this. Yikes!
Divorce his *** and take the house/cars/retirement fund/daughter and start a new life with a real man.
Middle income, no rent/mortgage, no car repayments - no excuse for any financial struggles at all - where does all of 'his' money go after food and bills - personal savings account?
YTA - why did the OP even get married if he wanted to live a bachelor's life? And by withholding money it can be seen as him controlling his wife. And by financially controlling his wife, in the eyes of the court, this IS a form of emotional abuse. Yeah, I've seen divorce cases like this. He's screwed if she decides to divorce him and he would deserve it. What a selfish man-child. Why not compromise and help his wife get better so she can get a part-time or WFH job once their child is older and more dependent? He's taking the easy way out rather than putting work into a relationship. What a whiner, too.
Maybe she should just divorce him and make him pay child support. Keep the house since she paid for it and let him keep his car. She can get a part time job online to have money for food, gas, and other things. No car payment or mortgage is definitely a blessing 🙏
Why leave him the car? She should get that back as well, sell it and has money until she finds some job or whatever
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Wouldn't it be beautiful if everything is in the wife's name? She could definitely kick him to the curb and keep all HER stuff. Seriously though, dude can't act like he's doing all the work when the wife does most of the heavy lifting. He'd have no bills to pay if not for her.
I’m going to add another dimension. The wife’s future will be more financially sound if she plans to return to work at some point. There could be room for compromise. From experience I know childcare is very expensive. Are they finished having children? If so then he could get a vasectomy and help cut down on birth control expenses. Wife’s contributions have been enormous thus far and her self care is equally as important for the good of the family. If husband is unhappy with his job the current job market may be advantageous enough for him to find something more suitable. He can’t stay home and play games all day. Further, he needs to build his resume. If this is the USA and he has not been willing to work then he will be less likely to be chosen for a job he really wants or needs later. Also he may have a condition such as depression which needs to be looked after. Quick note: if this couple is in the USA it is essential that enough money is set aside to pay annual taxes.
Putting aside the question of the inheritance which has paid for their home, her car and his car (which hopefully along with the house is registered solely in her name) and the retirement fund... She is a SAHM, she is not just kicking up her heels doing nothing of benefit all day. If she was working and not a SAHM, they would be paying someone to look after their young child. With the cost of childcare what it is, in a low-middle earning role they could end up paying out for childcare a significant portion of, or even more than, what she might bring in after deductions (taxes etc) and added travel costs (i.e. fuel costs to get to work if she wouldn't be in a WFH role) are taken into account.
This husband.Needs to man up.Ok stay at home, don't work.Wife should charge you rent for staying in HER house and let u pay off ur car.What a selfish man.
I would make sure his name is not in the house deed, and would check with a lawyer what she is entitled to what he is not with her inheritance. This man is one of the most entitled AH.
Twp things (1) This guy should consult a divorce lawyer about what a property settlement might look like. If its not a community property state, her inheritance's contribution to their net worth might leave him in a bad way. (2) This woman should consult a divorce attorney.
Providing this is real, she needs to leave him. Transfer whatever retirement fund she gave to him back to herself, sell his car, and find a non abusive relationship.
OP is immature and not a real man. The fact that he does not see and appreciate all his wife does and gripes about paying for her hobbies shows that he is a tool/ jerk. That he does not understand her point of view in terms of post partum depression, being disabled and grieving a close relative and not sympathising with her rather than whining about what he wants, not considering all she has done, shows he is immature, petty and spiteful. I get it would be hard for his wife to leave him as according to him her nan, only relative died, which makes this even worse, but I am wishing the wife strength and pride in herself to leave this jerk and find someone deserving of her love and generosity.
He will be extremely surprised during the divorce to discover that in most jurisdictions the products of inheritance is usually not considered an asset of marriage... in other words ditch the man keep the cars, I am certain you would not Struggle to find a less judgmental partner, and she can use the child support to pay for her hobbies lol
Why do people like this still exist? This guy is an absolute nutjob to think she isn't pulling her weight! Woman, please start charging him rent for both the house and the car he uses, and child care fees as well, since he seems to think you have not contributed in any way.
This needs the type of update where she takes everything back and files for divorce
Unbelievable ah. Sounds like OP is jealous the wife is staying at home and wants to punish her by not giving her spending money because he deems the money he earns is his. He was totally fine with her buying him a house and new car then it was cool but now that he has to share his income it’s not benefiting him so his wife needs a job. Hah, she just needs to charge him rent and make him pay off his new car then she’ll have a good income flow for hobbies. Some people are ridiculous and have no clue what it means to be married.
So let's say you guys were to split up tomorrow and get a divorce. You want to claim a portion of the marital assets because of the time you lived together as a family. But, provided that the wife kept records, the court finds out that the home, cars and other items were purchased using HER inheritance, making them HER property, leaving you with whatever YOU have purchased. And you have the nerve to complain about HER not working??? And raising YOUR child, maintaining the house, making sure you don't starve and be naked, etc., all the while preparing for future retirement???
It rubbed me the wrong way when he said he didn't 'benefit' from her gym membership and hobbies. I imagine if she would have been thinking the same way, he wouldn't have a house and car from HER inheritance. I feel like he's a little bitter that he can't be a stay at home dad. How fair would it be to her if she spent her inheritance so HE could live more comfortably and then still have to work despite her disability just because he'd prefer it that way?
I'm a stay at home with major depression and BPD. I'm trying my best every day, and it's hard sometimes to just take a shower or get out of bed. But I do my best, every day. I understand how hard it is, having mental illness. My husband is nothing but supportive of me, and I keep the house clean, the meals prepped and planned, the laundry washed, ect. I don't understand this man. He's cruel to his wife, and she's practically free cleaning, chef and day care. I'm pretty sure that would be where her paycheck would go if she had to work..
Even forgetting that she bought them a house and two cars plus retirement savings with her inheritance, his mindset is incredibly childish. Raising. Children. And. Homemaking. Is. A. Job. A really demanding one. It may not source income from outside the home but consider how much they'd have to pay for someone else to come in and do all the cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc. That she does. With a baby that's even more hours on the clock, day and night. She's disabled, tired, busy and grieving, and he wants to take away her spending money too? Does he even love her? Get ready to pay for her therapy and more if that goes on.
Yes, he's TA. He is MARRIED. Marriage is, by definition, a partnership. No one WANTS to work. We do it because its required. As such, its not YOUR money, its both of yours. It has been since you both agreed to share EVERYTHING. I'm a SAHD, and my wife has tried to pull this a few times until I point out that I worked, making less than she does, and we managed to make ends meet. We switched because she got sick of taking care of the house (if I'm working 70-90 hour weeks, I don't touch the house, sorry). That said, now she's working 40 hour weeks and making as much or more than I was.
The wife tried talking to OP about budgeting and he was offended that she felt any right in trying to say that money should go anywhere other than where he wants it, meaning him and the daughter (including things for the wife like hobbies, unused clothes, even any non-free haircuts) because it's "his". In his mind this is his money and she has no right to it or say in how it's spent. So OP already rejected that solution.
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She is the reason they have house and two cars. If she were working full-time, the bulk of her salary would pay for daycare, and they still wouldn't have a house and two cars. Also, she has a job: she's a SAHM. She puts in more than his 36 hours raising their child, doing the chores, and keeping the home. He got free rent and a free car from her.
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I'd immediately begin to charge this person half of a reasonable rent and their half of a car payment. Then I'd have my rec money
If this account is accurate, we still only have his side of the story. The situation might actually be something entirely different. I think the husband feels very inadequate & he's jealous of his wife & the good fortune that fell her way. Still, he's happy as long as her inheritance benefits him in the form of a new home, new cars, & new investments but he's not happy that his wife wants to use HIS income for personal items. This is a very troubling scenario because it says that the husband views his wife's money as THEIR money but the income HE makes is HIS money & only he gets to decide how to use it. His excuse for not sharing HIS money with HIS wife is that it somehow has more value because he "earned it." A dollar that's "earned" buys the exact same thing that a "free" dollar buys. What he's really saying is that he doesn't see his wife as an equal partner in their marriage. He thinks his wife & his child are HIS possessions, which they are not.
He very much reminds me of "What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine"
Load More Replies... He's not exactly working his fingers to the bone, he works 36hrs which will give him a lot of time off work. If he was working 60+ hours I could understand why he was feeling a bit hard done by. However, he has a nice house (no mortgage) a car (no car payments) which his wife could have chosen not to buy them and simply use HER inheritance to retire early. He doesn't seem like he wants to be in a supportive, loving relationship which is a real partnership. It shouldn't be my money and your money it should be our money, especially since they have a daughter and the wife is mildly disabled.
The part about the 36 hours cracked me up! That's not even considered full time! What a maroon!
Load More Replies... I don't understand how this guy doesn't know he's being an ungrateful a*****e. Wife lost the equivalent of a mother while possibly going through postpartum depression by the sound of it. forget that jerk. The wife should get rid of husband's car, take the retirement money, kick him out of HER house and divorce his a*s and demand child support since he's ok supporting the kid.. Then wife can use the rest of the money for herself and he can F off. She's too nice for him. Definitely YTA
Unfortunately it's no longer her house if she put him on title, it was her inheritance but she used it for community property. She'll have to pay him out for him to move. Hopefully not CA where she'll pay half, some states have more "fair" payouts. Either way might be forced to sell
Load More Replies... Total AH. How much a month are they saving on a mortgage and car payments. Not to mention saving for retirement. He sounds like a whiney baby. He works 36 hours a week and is still resentful!?!
He's not just a whiny baby, he's a nasty, spiteful, ungrateful baby. I'll bet the wife is not just taking care of their baby, she's also take of him and the house, with no help from him. And if he became a stay-at-home dad and she went out to work again, she would still be doing most of the work at home, too. If I were her, I'd get out of this marriage, asap. This guy creeps me out. I can picture him hiring a hit on her, thinking he's slick and poorly treated and that she deserves to be gone, permanently, so that everything is his alone. Selfish, misogynistic tool.
Load More Replies... Guessing Mr. Iordache is an unmarried individual or feels scorned by some woman in his past. Hate runs deep in the MAGAverse
Load More Replies... Easy fix just sell the car she bought him then she has money for her stuff and he can buy his own dam car
Dude’s a douche canoe. She had a rough pregnancy mentally and physically, lost her beloved grandma AND struggled returning to work. But said grandma came to her and the baby's rescue in the inheritance because, clearly, the OP wasn't doing jack. She bought their house and two cars outright, put money aside for their retirement, takes care of their child (also, presumably, by herself), but she's not "allowed" money to fund her quite "expensive" hobby... of sewing. What on Earth? As someone who sews as well as games, I can tell you here and now that sewing is a whole hell of a lot cheaper (and more productive, unless he's planning on starting a channel or something) than gaming. And 36 hours a week? Doing what? This man-child doesn't have a leg to stand on. At all. Thoroughly ungrateful. Ps. I daresay he'd also whine if she stopped going to the gym. Being a busy mom, she probably wouldn't "look good" enough for him anymore.
SERIOUSLY?!?!...she should have taken the money and left. He is just upset that he didn't get the chance to be a SAHD. I hope she finds out you posted this and puts you out. Please know your spouse before you marry them! Wait and he works 36hrs a week GTFOH!!!
It's interesting,isn't it, that he's using a throwaway ID to post this as 'people know him on here'. If he's that sure he's justified in his behaviour, why should it bother him if people who know him, read it?
Load More Replies... And this is a perfect example of a male who thinks he is OWED a woman and this life SHE created for THEM. He is a colossal åsshole
He demoted her to a baby making machine. Values his daughter but not his wife
Load More Replies... with an attitude like that, he should be worried about her leaving him and taking the house, cars and investments with her. he thinks it's "unfair" - seriously, he doesn't have a mortgage or car payment and he's complaining about working 36 hours a week? i would have left him yesterday.
So she bought them a house and two cars, free and clear, along with putting away enough money to retire on, but he doesn't want to pay for her gym membership or sewing supplies? What is she sewing that it's worth the cost of a house and two cars? And he's complaining about working 36 hours a week? That's not even full time. Calm down man.
So you want her to buy used clothing and get free services from friends so you don't have to pay for it? But she spent her inheritance on providing a stable home for y'alls family, made sure you both had reliable transportation and invested in your future retirement and you wanna whine about clothing, gym membership and haircuts? You ATA for being extremely ungrateful and trying to degrade your wife. Pay your half of the home, the entire amount of your vehicle and don't forget to add interest. You definitely ata & don't deserve to have a wife that thinks about her family and not her own wants and needs. You should be grateful & appreciative but aren't.
It's sad when a couple isn't working as a team. My husband & I have gone through ALOT in the decade we've been together. Jobless. Unemployment. Homeless. Lived with my dad while we got caught up. He left for trucking school. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness & can't work but powered thru cause we didn't have a choice. He started making good money. Forced me to stop working (in a good way. I needed to but I didn't want him to feel pressured to overwork himself) & since then we've adopted alot of animals & it's actually turned into a rehab/rescue center for feral cats & orphaned wild animals. I only do this. I don't make money. But it's our money that he makes. Because we are a team. We don't have kids I can't. But the animals are our kids & he loves them just as much as I do so it's him supporting his family. & I'm in the works of starting a business so he can retire in the next couple years. We are a team. 100%. If you don't act like a team. You'll never make it work.
This ^^^ is what it should be about! Team work. **********************************The OP in the post is definitely a PIECE OF S**T! The article even stated that the average house wife if paid for her jack of all trades was paid in money would be 162k. I'm pretty sure the OP doesn't make 162K a year and needs to calm his tits down. The way I take it is two Millennials married to quick. He knew she had physical health issues and mental health issues yet he used that to prey on her. Her with no family now since her Nan died she is alone in this world without a strong backbone to whip him into the true reality of a marriage. Of course he now has been confronted about being an a*****e like any millennial they got butt hurt and went to the internet for advice only to find out he was indeed the A*****e of all Assholes. Hopefully she can rise from the brokeness and rid of him even if she has to sell the house and cars to divide it as marital property.
Load More Replies... Yta she has a full time job staying home.to take care of your daughter and the house. Yes you should give us some of the money you earn to help her mental health by having a gym membership and sewing hobbies.
The husband is completely out of line. Typically any money that both the husband and wife earn from work during the marriage is considered marital money in most states. However, her inheritance is NOT considered marital money unless, again depending on the state they live in, that money is combined with or used to purchase marital assets such as a house in which they cohabitate, joint retirement investments, etc. The laws are not always black and white on these matters. But laws aside, he is definitely ungrateful and selfish for refusing to acknowledge the wife's more than generous contributions to the household. She did not have to share her inheritance money, and she continues to contribute to the household by staying home to care for their child and run the household, while grieving the loss of her grandmother. He should be grateful he has no mortgage or car payments, no childcare expenses, his home is maintained and he enjoys all this while only working 36 hours a week.
I'm laughing at the fact that your mad about how you have to work 36 hour a week. You can cry about it when your pulling 80-90 hour weeks and still having no money to put away.
The husband is so pathetic and ungrateful. He doesn't deserve the woman he married. I hope you read this. You're not being a decent man here. You're being an ungrateful child who sounds like he just wants more time to game. Please, sir, tell me the noble pursuits you would be chasing with your extra 36 (scoff) hours of free time? Would you be a better father to your child? I think, and stay with me here, you should first learn to be a better husband to your wife. Truly, and I mean absolutely, you are such an idiot for posting this. This reads so poorly I can't believe you wrote it and chose to submit it. I suppose this could just be a fake story because otherwise, it's about as bad as it gets.
Sounds to me like the problem goes a lot deeper than the money. They should go to couples counseling to work things out.
Yeah it is deeper. The money isn't the issue. The issue is she married an entitled man-baby. I hope she divorces him and raises her daughter to avoid those ugly selfish ones. The poor wife probably doesn't have much self-esteem or she wouldn't be with this idiot.
Load More Replies... I don’t think that it should be an issue with her staying at home. However them claiming it takes 98/week to be a stay at home mom is bogus! I work from home and am a stay at home dad and I still work way less than when I worked 12/day. Anyways OP is being ridiculous.
Depends on the person and their situation. Your experience isn't the measuring stick, my guy.
Load More Replies... I checked the original post on reddit and the coward didn't even reply to a single person. I really hope he either changes his attitude quickly or that the wife finds someone who appreciates her better.
Charge him rent. Charge him for car payments. Pull the money out of his retirement you put in for him. Or dump the whole man, downsize your house, get child support from him, then see how much extra money he has left over. Absurd.
You, sir, are a certified AH. I sincerely hope that your wife gets some much needed professional help along with a very good lawyer. Yes, you should try to work through it, but your attitude from what you've written, suggests that you're an ungrateful bum! You conveniently see your contribution as significant but not hers? How do you like living rent/mortgage free? How are you liking the new payment free automobile ? You don't deserve that woman. If she had decided to keep her inheritance to herself, you would be fit to be tied, wouldn't you? Get over yourself you ingrate! Look at her gym membership as part of her therapy. Lord knows she needs somewhere to get away from you! If her hair isn't done YOU will complain that she's unattractive. Examine yourself! You're a lout!
Courtney me I would've immediately told you to get out of my house that I bought and leave my car that I bought behind. How dare you treat your wife like she's a bother like she's worthless and she gave birth to your daughter it's crazy how forget that you wouldn't be comfortable in that house that is totally paid for plus driving the car that is totally paid for which she bought. The fall that you forced her to shop at thrift stores but you don't is totally bogus. She should divorce you immediately and cut her losses because you're a total loser.
You know usually you have to see the other person's side to see when someone is being childish, jealous, and generally just throwing a temper tantrum. But here he says it straight out. "I want to be a SAHD as well but since I can't I will do whatever i can to ensure that she can't comfortably do it either". That's just plain unadulterated jealousy.
Where do these people get their entitlement? She's paid her share. You have to work, oh boo hoo. 36 hours a week? I was a nurse back in the day. I worked 36 hour shifts in an ER. Grow up
IMO based on the one-sided information provided: husband is a total jerk who shows no compassion or appreciation for his wife. He appears to be selfish, egotistical, jealous, ungrateful, uncaring and entitled. Poor husband…he has to work all of 36 hours per week. Plus he wants to be a stay-at-home dad on his wife’s inheritance. Don’t we all feel sorry for him?? NOT. I hope wife has protected herself financially from this grifter. Unless husband grows up, gets counseling, understands and accepts his responsibilities, I only envision his poor attitude will escalate over time. Wife, RUN, NOT WALK away from this immature child man. You deserve better.
He's wrong. .her inheritance was legally hers alone, not community property.... she didn't have to do it but did...he's not holding up his end of things.
Yep. I hope her grandmother left good instructions with her estate lawyer. She needs to make sure she names the kid as sole beneficiary and then set it up in a trust that's overseen by someone not as lazy as her husband.
Load More Replies... Y T A! Wow! What a POS. She should divorce you and keep the house and both cars.
The only reason you even HAVE a life is because your wife's inheritance gave you one. It's a very good thing my words would be censored if I called you out. Show your wife some respect you spineless child. If your wife was the one writing I would advise she kick you out with nothing except your clothes.
If I was the wife I'd just say: "let's divorce, you leave the house, leave the cars, leave the retirement money. I need them to fund my hobbies since you won't."
Why is she still with this guy? As soon as he would've said something stupid like second hand clothes, he would've had to get out!
This makes me really angry. It is NOT his money, it is THEIRS. And to say his wife is not his responsibility is the most selfish thing I've ever heard. Even if she hadn't received an inheritance, as a spouse, both husband and wife are responsible for each other--mentally, emotionally, and physically. They both have a duty to provide for each other and their children. If one is not in the position to work (i.e. mental health issues, taking care of kids and the house), then the other is absolutely responsible for supporting them. I certainly hope he reads and learns from the responses everyone's given and figures out that he is being a totally selfish jerk and needs to start taking care of his wife better. I don't like the idea of divorce if it can be avoided, but if he doesn't put in the effort to avoid it by being responsible and grateful, then he's headed down a dark road where he doesn't deserve her.
Talk about a "poor me!" The cost of everything she does at home (cooking, cleaning, laundry, caring for daughter) not to mention he isn't paying a mortgage or a car payment. He needs a swift kick in the pants...grow up!
What was the intention of putting this public? Was it to get another selfless man approval of his actions? In a family there is no my, yours, etc... is is all ours (everything belongs to the family) equal rights... you have the right to get a gym membership, so does she... you have the right of new clothing.. so does she... you have the rights to get your haircut.. so does she. You are a family, there is no more me.. but us.
When you marry, your income is hers, and hers, if she has any, is yours. There is only OURS not mine and yours. Didn't you take vows to take care of her? She IS caring for you and your daughter, 24 hours a day. BE A MAN AND PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY! That is what a real man does! And getting clothes and a haircut are not hobbies! You are not only the a*****e, you are pathetic!
He can pay her back for his car, personally I'd charge interest, followed by paying her back for half their house, again, with interest. By that time their kid should be done with college, which he can pay half of as well. Not to mention the fact he seems to think he's going to one day enjoy their investments, which are based on her inheritance. The fact he even thinks of himself in this selfish way when she's having depression/mental issues while being a SAHM says MORE than enough. He needs to just SAY LESS AND BE THANKFUL.
OP, f**k you from the bottom of my heart. You supportive jack as! Your wife should sell the new car she bought you and use that money and invest the rest so that she can continue to fund her hobbies. That is if she doesn't he just divorce you and take the house and the cars that she bought. Just to drive it home F**K YOU!
HE NEEDS THAT CAR TO BE PARKED UP HIS STINGY LITTLE BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!™
He is lazy, ungrateful, demeaning, cheap, insensitive, and a grown cry-baby! UNBELIEVABLE! She has done basically a lifetime of work with her inheritance. How many people can live that comfortably without the stress of paying the mortgage and a car note? Those, besides kids, are your biggest bills and he’s trippin’ about a gym membership and a clothes allowance? He sounds like a grown wuss. She should take some of that investment money and start her own stay-at-home business, make three-times what he makes in a month and make him keep working even though she could afford him to quit. I mean it’s only right if he is going by what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine, right? I have always said one good turn deserves another.
Imagine if the man was too emotionally distraught to get a job 😬 he would be lambasted...suck it up buttercup get a job
What's she doing having kids when she's too mentally unstable to work? Sorry, I have a problem with her.
What a man!!! , you're an AH to the fullest. It was ok for her to spend inheritance on things to improve your living arrangement. But you can't seem, to be a real man. And take care of your family. My mother never worked a day in her life. But worked as ASHM. My father only took 1 week a vacation a year to be with us. And my mom got his check bought and paid for what we needed. And he never complained. Didn't even take days off, when sick Actually he worked in garage when he was ill. To make sure money was not lost. When he couldn't punch in on ⏰ clock. They raised 6 kids on his check. And never resentment but Love for his wife raising the family.. Money was tight but a very strong family and respect for our father and mother. You dear sir need a reality check. And how about you pay for your portion of rent and car payment and nanny service
Did you space on the "in sickness and in health" part of your vows when you married her? She didn't have to buy you a house, a car, or HAVE YOUR F*****G BABY! She obviously has post Partum issues she needs help with and working while trying to get better pretty much nulls the process. Having a baby, losing a parent, and having to get sent back to work just to lose the job anyway is a traumatic event and you haven't been there for her emotionally at all if all you are worried about is finances.
He ignored the fact that his wife could make a living with sewing. Doing repair of clothes, making new ones and making curtains, not only for his own family but she could sell her work then. Also "Happy Wife, Happy Life". A membership for the gym is investing in her physical and mental health, thus benefiting both child and spouse too. Such a silly, shortsighted man. But, maybe we don't know the whole story. It could be that he does all chores when he is at home, he did express his predilection for sahd.
F I will pay for her sewing stuff and a gym membership. That's the deal of a life time. Just the amount she saved the family in mortgage interest over a 30 year or even 15 year should be enough to pay for the mist expensive sewing kit she can find and a lifetime gym mambership
Wait he isn't getting any use out of that gym package. Let's remove it and see how he feels if she starts gaining weight. Also he isn't having to pay rent. That is a huge amount of money month. A high doubt the gym and fabric cost that. But I am a hundred percent sure could use this post to argue why she should get to keep it and roughly 50% of his paycheck until she decides to remarry which for me would be 3months after the kid aged out.
36 hours a week... I work 40-50 a week just to pay for my crummy little apartment. Here this guy is living in a house and driving a new car he didn't have to pay for. Complete a*****e
Oh, he is TOTALLY the AH! If I were her, I'd schedule out everything I did and what it would cost to hire someone else to do it, and BILL HIM!
YTA. The wife already has mental health issues. It seemed the OP wrote, understood her mental health struggles. What the OP doesn’t understand is you denying her money is telling her she is not worthy. Which just adds into her mental health problems.
You are definitely an AH! She bought a house and cars in cash and you're upset you have to work 36 hours a week? I'm grateful I'm a SAHM and my husband does not act like this. Yikes!
Divorce his *** and take the house/cars/retirement fund/daughter and start a new life with a real man.
Middle income, no rent/mortgage, no car repayments - no excuse for any financial struggles at all - where does all of 'his' money go after food and bills - personal savings account?
YTA - why did the OP even get married if he wanted to live a bachelor's life? And by withholding money it can be seen as him controlling his wife. And by financially controlling his wife, in the eyes of the court, this IS a form of emotional abuse. Yeah, I've seen divorce cases like this. He's screwed if she decides to divorce him and he would deserve it. What a selfish man-child. Why not compromise and help his wife get better so she can get a part-time or WFH job once their child is older and more dependent? He's taking the easy way out rather than putting work into a relationship. What a whiner, too.
Maybe she should just divorce him and make him pay child support. Keep the house since she paid for it and let him keep his car. She can get a part time job online to have money for food, gas, and other things. No car payment or mortgage is definitely a blessing 🙏
Why leave him the car? She should get that back as well, sell it and has money until she finds some job or whatever
Load More Replies... Wouldn't it be beautiful if everything is in the wife's name? She could definitely kick him to the curb and keep all HER stuff. Seriously though, dude can't act like he's doing all the work when the wife does most of the heavy lifting. He'd have no bills to pay if not for her.
I’m going to add another dimension. The wife’s future will be more financially sound if she plans to return to work at some point. There could be room for compromise. From experience I know childcare is very expensive. Are they finished having children? If so then he could get a vasectomy and help cut down on birth control expenses. Wife’s contributions have been enormous thus far and her self care is equally as important for the good of the family. If husband is unhappy with his job the current job market may be advantageous enough for him to find something more suitable. He can’t stay home and play games all day. Further, he needs to build his resume. If this is the USA and he has not been willing to work then he will be less likely to be chosen for a job he really wants or needs later. Also he may have a condition such as depression which needs to be looked after. Quick note: if this couple is in the USA it is essential that enough money is set aside to pay annual taxes.
Putting aside the question of the inheritance which has paid for their home, her car and his car (which hopefully along with the house is registered solely in her name) and the retirement fund... She is a SAHM, she is not just kicking up her heels doing nothing of benefit all day. If she was working and not a SAHM, they would be paying someone to look after their young child. With the cost of childcare what it is, in a low-middle earning role they could end up paying out for childcare a significant portion of, or even more than, what she might bring in after deductions (taxes etc) and added travel costs (i.e. fuel costs to get to work if she wouldn't be in a WFH role) are taken into account.
This husband.Needs to man up.Ok stay at home, don't work.Wife should charge you rent for staying in HER house and let u pay off ur car.What a selfish man.
I would make sure his name is not in the house deed, and would check with a lawyer what she is entitled to what he is not with her inheritance. This man is one of the most entitled AH.
Twp things (1) This guy should consult a divorce lawyer about what a property settlement might look like. If its not a community property state, her inheritance's contribution to their net worth might leave him in a bad way. (2) This woman should consult a divorce attorney.
Providing this is real, she needs to leave him. Transfer whatever retirement fund she gave to him back to herself, sell his car, and find a non abusive relationship.
OP is immature and not a real man. The fact that he does not see and appreciate all his wife does and gripes about paying for her hobbies shows that he is a tool/ jerk. That he does not understand her point of view in terms of post partum depression, being disabled and grieving a close relative and not sympathising with her rather than whining about what he wants, not considering all she has done, shows he is immature, petty and spiteful. I get it would be hard for his wife to leave him as according to him her nan, only relative died, which makes this even worse, but I am wishing the wife strength and pride in herself to leave this jerk and find someone deserving of her love and generosity.
He will be extremely surprised during the divorce to discover that in most jurisdictions the products of inheritance is usually not considered an asset of marriage... in other words ditch the man keep the cars, I am certain you would not Struggle to find a less judgmental partner, and she can use the child support to pay for her hobbies lol
Why do people like this still exist? This guy is an absolute nutjob to think she isn't pulling her weight! Woman, please start charging him rent for both the house and the car he uses, and child care fees as well, since he seems to think you have not contributed in any way.
This needs the type of update where she takes everything back and files for divorce
Unbelievable ah. Sounds like OP is jealous the wife is staying at home and wants to punish her by not giving her spending money because he deems the money he earns is his. He was totally fine with her buying him a house and new car then it was cool but now that he has to share his income it’s not benefiting him so his wife needs a job. Hah, she just needs to charge him rent and make him pay off his new car then she’ll have a good income flow for hobbies. Some people are ridiculous and have no clue what it means to be married.
So let's say you guys were to split up tomorrow and get a divorce. You want to claim a portion of the marital assets because of the time you lived together as a family. But, provided that the wife kept records, the court finds out that the home, cars and other items were purchased using HER inheritance, making them HER property, leaving you with whatever YOU have purchased. And you have the nerve to complain about HER not working??? And raising YOUR child, maintaining the house, making sure you don't starve and be naked, etc., all the while preparing for future retirement???
It rubbed me the wrong way when he said he didn't 'benefit' from her gym membership and hobbies. I imagine if she would have been thinking the same way, he wouldn't have a house and car from HER inheritance. I feel like he's a little bitter that he can't be a stay at home dad. How fair would it be to her if she spent her inheritance so HE could live more comfortably and then still have to work despite her disability just because he'd prefer it that way?
I'm a stay at home with major depression and BPD. I'm trying my best every day, and it's hard sometimes to just take a shower or get out of bed. But I do my best, every day. I understand how hard it is, having mental illness. My husband is nothing but supportive of me, and I keep the house clean, the meals prepped and planned, the laundry washed, ect. I don't understand this man. He's cruel to his wife, and she's practically free cleaning, chef and day care. I'm pretty sure that would be where her paycheck would go if she had to work..
Even forgetting that she bought them a house and two cars plus retirement savings with her inheritance, his mindset is incredibly childish. Raising. Children. And. Homemaking. Is. A. Job. A really demanding one. It may not source income from outside the home but consider how much they'd have to pay for someone else to come in and do all the cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc. That she does. With a baby that's even more hours on the clock, day and night. She's disabled, tired, busy and grieving, and he wants to take away her spending money too? Does he even love her? Get ready to pay for her therapy and more if that goes on.
Yes, he's TA. He is MARRIED. Marriage is, by definition, a partnership. No one WANTS to work. We do it because its required. As such, its not YOUR money, its both of yours. It has been since you both agreed to share EVERYTHING. I'm a SAHD, and my wife has tried to pull this a few times until I point out that I worked, making less than she does, and we managed to make ends meet. We switched because she got sick of taking care of the house (if I'm working 70-90 hour weeks, I don't touch the house, sorry). That said, now she's working 40 hour weeks and making as much or more than I was.
The wife tried talking to OP about budgeting and he was offended that she felt any right in trying to say that money should go anywhere other than where he wants it, meaning him and the daughter (including things for the wife like hobbies, unused clothes, even any non-free haircuts) because it's "his". In his mind this is his money and she has no right to it or say in how it's spent. So OP already rejected that solution.
Load More Replies... She is the reason they have house and two cars. If she were working full-time, the bulk of her salary would pay for daycare, and they still wouldn't have a house and two cars. Also, she has a job: she's a SAHM. She puts in more than his 36 hours raising their child, doing the chores, and keeping the home. He got free rent and a free car from her.
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