Husband Never Says ‘I Love You’ So Wife Teaches Him This Non-Verbal Sign And Now He’s Saying It ‘All The Time’
How do you show love and affection to the people you love? Each individual is different, and the different forms of communication we choose to express ourselves are all as valid as any other. The traditional eye-contact, hug, kiss or “I love you” are all great, but some people just aren’t comfortable with them!
Just because they choose a different love language it doesn’t make it any less meaningful.
This story, told by Tumblr user Bright-Eyed Bad Wolf is a perfect example of this. Her husband, for his own reasons, struggled to verbally express his love in the same way that she did. Rather than live a life of doubt about his lack of reciprocation, she decided to teach him another, more subtle non-verbal method – and it completely changed the nature of their relationship!
Image credits: Bright-Eyed Bad Wolf
Any method of showing affection, whether it be the traditional kind or something simple and sweet like this, is genuine. So if you feel like your loved ones can be a little distant at times, look a little closer. Chances are they don’t love you any less, they just choose to show it in different ways. Understanding this is so important to the health of any relationship!
Bright-Eyed Bad Wolf told Bored Panda that since she and her husband began using the non-verbal communication, their relationship has improved, but not because he needed to be taught anything. “It was more like something unlocked between us, or that I had found a way to sync our communication styles up,” she told us. “He has always been more about action than words in all things.”
“We had tried to address the imbalance before by talking it out, but it was largely unsuccessful given our Say vs Show communication styles. I don’t regret the time it took, I think this sort of dilemma is part of growing together as a couple.”
“Nowadays, about 6 years later, I still say it more, but I also recognize the body language and things he does as the equivalent displays of affection they are.”
Here’s what people had to say about the sweet little story
What do you think? Are you comfortable openly displaying affection for other people? Or do you prefer more subtle, discreet ways, such as a soft touches to show your love and appreciation? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Its not exactly the same, but whenever my husband and kids make the heart symbol with their hands, I do it back. But I can never do it right. They tease me about it looking like an apple, so now when I text I send apple emojis instead of hearts. They love it. Once I sent an actual heart and they were upset. lol. so apples it is.
Same.. It's okay to feel lonely, just know that you aren't all alone :)
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This is really cute. Me and my husband are very verbal with love BUT sometimes it ends up just been said out of habit. I can tell by his tone, and when he does this I feel it doesn't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words.
My dad showed me that tap tap tap thing when I was a little punk. I'm now old enough that I show it to my kiddos. He cried the first time my kids did the tap,tap,tap.
Awwww! This thread is so heartwarming today, I love it.
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My ex-husband and I used to do that a lot. We discovered it because when my PTSD kicks in and I'm experiencing paralysis, I can't hear him. Once, many years ago, he was desperately saying he loved me, trying to bring me out of it, and he began patting my chest in cadence with his words. One solid tap was my name, then "tap tap tap" as he said "I love you". It began to bring me out of my flashback, and it became a habit. Even when we were speaking, we would also use our "morse code" with each other. We both would respond in our sleep as well. The marriage ended, but I am a much happier, more expressive and eternally grateful woman because he learned how to tell me he loved me this way - and taught me how to say it back!
Sharing emotions is difficult if you were never taught that skill. Yes it's a skill. Men in our society aren't taught that skill, in fact it's kind of taboo if a man does share emotions. All that happened here is she taught him a skill that he needed. This is marriage.
I'm really hoping this taboo declines in the future but I agree that her teaching him how he can comfortably say it is what a marriage is. What a great marriage is, that is. I hope more men can find someone to show them if they want it. :)
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I am from Finland and in our culture we don't really say "I love you". My parents have never said it to me, neither my siblings, and I have never said it to them. I am single but also never said it to a romantic partner. I would be really unhappy in a relationship where I'd have to say it all the time...
There is no neeeeed to say yoooou love me... It would be beeeetter left - unsaaaaai-eh-eh-aaaaaid ♬♪
This is so sweet...my husband and I hum it to each other. I don't know why, but we've done it for ten years now, lol. We verbally say it too but we hum it a lot
When something taps you three times and you find nothing next to you....
goosebumps AND teary-eyed simultaneously.... darn you bored panda!! (tap-tap-tap)
There are millions of ways to express love. But if someone can't bring themselves to say it, no way do I trust it. I don't buy into the whole stoic thing. You love someone, you care that they know, you tell them. Do you really want ambiguity in something so important? When someone dies, no one stands around wishing they'd said I love you less.
our's was not an affectionate family whilst growing up..that was the way it was..no I love you's or hugs, but l knew l was loved..l probably did not pick up on it at the time, or maybe l did, but my father would always call me by my first two names, "Carol Elizabeth" and l would call him "father dearest"..that l realized was the way we told each other we loved them l think..l cared for my father whilst he had Alzheimer's in our family home and during that time l had moments of affection that l would not have had if I'd given in to everybody telling me to put him into a nursing home..just a slightly tighter hug or even a peck when l would be transferring him from chair to chair..
Maybe he needs to go to a psychiatrist. If he can't say it something is wrong with him
I told my husband about this. He is also not very verbal with his feelings. He hates to feel foolish, so when he started doing it, he felt foolish, so it came across as a joke, which was upsetting to me as my main love language is Words of Affirmation, which he can't really do because of his fear of sounding foolish. I let him know that I knew he was trying to make me happy, but that because he felt foolish doing it, it felt like a joke whenever he did it, but to not be afraid to keep doing it because over time, it normalizes and just becomes part of how we communicate. and it has. He now tells me he loves me with the three's all the time... and he gets silly creative with it...
thank you, I will definitely try this one! I sooooo love it. <3
This is heartwarming! I hope more people that feel they're having problems try this. I think people forget that communication isn't just verbal. I hope this continues to go viral.
I had a few "secret" I love you messages with my children. Thank G-d my husband is good at telling me he loves me; if not, this would be very helpful.
Whoever said we think you guys are “broken”? There are plenty of women who don’t express love that well either. And what the hell are you comparing women and children for? We are not children. Women and men are NOT that different from each other, men are also just as emotional as women are. Why? Because BOTH men and women are HUMAN BEINGS. We are all unique individuals. Don’t act like we’re all the same.
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But it is equally disrespectful to force someone to express themselves in a way that makes them uncomfortable. In my culture we don't say I love you and to demand it would be disrespectful. Of course in a couple you can learn from each other, but that is exactly the point - it is not better to say or worse to not say "I love you" in words.
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We don't know what happened in some people's past or if it's just part of their personality. And saying things doesn't always prove you also mean them. Love can be shown in sooo many ways, no need for words I think. :)
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Its not exactly the same, but whenever my husband and kids make the heart symbol with their hands, I do it back. But I can never do it right. They tease me about it looking like an apple, so now when I text I send apple emojis instead of hearts. They love it. Once I sent an actual heart and they were upset. lol. so apples it is.
Same.. It's okay to feel lonely, just know that you aren't all alone :)
Load More Replies... This is really cute. Me and my husband are very verbal with love BUT sometimes it ends up just been said out of habit. I can tell by his tone, and when he does this I feel it doesn't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words.
My dad showed me that tap tap tap thing when I was a little punk. I'm now old enough that I show it to my kiddos. He cried the first time my kids did the tap,tap,tap.
Awwww! This thread is so heartwarming today, I love it.
Load More Replies... My ex-husband and I used to do that a lot. We discovered it because when my PTSD kicks in and I'm experiencing paralysis, I can't hear him. Once, many years ago, he was desperately saying he loved me, trying to bring me out of it, and he began patting my chest in cadence with his words. One solid tap was my name, then "tap tap tap" as he said "I love you". It began to bring me out of my flashback, and it became a habit. Even when we were speaking, we would also use our "morse code" with each other. We both would respond in our sleep as well. The marriage ended, but I am a much happier, more expressive and eternally grateful woman because he learned how to tell me he loved me this way - and taught me how to say it back!
Sharing emotions is difficult if you were never taught that skill. Yes it's a skill. Men in our society aren't taught that skill, in fact it's kind of taboo if a man does share emotions. All that happened here is she taught him a skill that he needed. This is marriage.
I'm really hoping this taboo declines in the future but I agree that her teaching him how he can comfortably say it is what a marriage is. What a great marriage is, that is. I hope more men can find someone to show them if they want it. :)
Load More Replies... I am from Finland and in our culture we don't really say "I love you". My parents have never said it to me, neither my siblings, and I have never said it to them. I am single but also never said it to a romantic partner. I would be really unhappy in a relationship where I'd have to say it all the time...
There is no neeeeed to say yoooou love me... It would be beeeetter left - unsaaaaai-eh-eh-aaaaaid ♬♪
This is so sweet...my husband and I hum it to each other. I don't know why, but we've done it for ten years now, lol. We verbally say it too but we hum it a lot
When something taps you three times and you find nothing next to you....
goosebumps AND teary-eyed simultaneously.... darn you bored panda!! (tap-tap-tap)
There are millions of ways to express love. But if someone can't bring themselves to say it, no way do I trust it. I don't buy into the whole stoic thing. You love someone, you care that they know, you tell them. Do you really want ambiguity in something so important? When someone dies, no one stands around wishing they'd said I love you less.
our's was not an affectionate family whilst growing up..that was the way it was..no I love you's or hugs, but l knew l was loved..l probably did not pick up on it at the time, or maybe l did, but my father would always call me by my first two names, "Carol Elizabeth" and l would call him "father dearest"..that l realized was the way we told each other we loved them l think..l cared for my father whilst he had Alzheimer's in our family home and during that time l had moments of affection that l would not have had if I'd given in to everybody telling me to put him into a nursing home..just a slightly tighter hug or even a peck when l would be transferring him from chair to chair..
Maybe he needs to go to a psychiatrist. If he can't say it something is wrong with him
I told my husband about this. He is also not very verbal with his feelings. He hates to feel foolish, so when he started doing it, he felt foolish, so it came across as a joke, which was upsetting to me as my main love language is Words of Affirmation, which he can't really do because of his fear of sounding foolish. I let him know that I knew he was trying to make me happy, but that because he felt foolish doing it, it felt like a joke whenever he did it, but to not be afraid to keep doing it because over time, it normalizes and just becomes part of how we communicate. and it has. He now tells me he loves me with the three's all the time... and he gets silly creative with it...
thank you, I will definitely try this one! I sooooo love it. <3
This is heartwarming! I hope more people that feel they're having problems try this. I think people forget that communication isn't just verbal. I hope this continues to go viral.
I had a few "secret" I love you messages with my children. Thank G-d my husband is good at telling me he loves me; if not, this would be very helpful.
Whoever said we think you guys are “broken”? There are plenty of women who don’t express love that well either. And what the hell are you comparing women and children for? We are not children. Women and men are NOT that different from each other, men are also just as emotional as women are. Why? Because BOTH men and women are HUMAN BEINGS. We are all unique individuals. Don’t act like we’re all the same.
Load More Replies... But it is equally disrespectful to force someone to express themselves in a way that makes them uncomfortable. In my culture we don't say I love you and to demand it would be disrespectful. Of course in a couple you can learn from each other, but that is exactly the point - it is not better to say or worse to not say "I love you" in words.
Load More Replies... We don't know what happened in some people's past or if it's just part of their personality. And saying things doesn't always prove you also mean them. Love can be shown in sooo many ways, no need for words I think. :)
Load More Replies...
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