Husband Plans To Leave 33-Week High-Risk Pregnant Wife And A Toddler Alone For A Trip To Another Continent, Wife Wonders If She’s Wrong To Be Upset About It
What separates an adult from a child? There are a lot of criteria, but one of the most important, not so much dependent on exact age, is the ability to take responsibility and set priorities properly.
A little child, standing in front of something that they really desire, is ready to give up everything just to get what they want. And the point here is not at all the calendar number of years – this situation can equally apply to both a three-year-old kid who wants a bicycle, and a thirty-year-old man who does not want to miss a cool party in any way.
Like for this mom, for instance, whose post on the AITA Reddit community has already racked up about 11.2K upvotes and over 1.6 comments. We are talking about the Original Poster’s husband, and you can try to determine his true age yourself.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster is pregnant with her second baby and has a toddler too
Image source: Brian Birke (not the actual photo)
So, the OP and her husband are expecting their second child, while the first, according to the woman, is still a toddler. The birth of the first child turned out to be very difficult; she had to have a C-section, the child was born prematurely around 32 weeks, and spent two months in the intensive care unit.
Image source: mneis927272
The first pregnancy was rather problematic and the OP is afraid the second one could be as well
Everything worked out then, but now pregnancy with a second child is approaching the same numbers, and the OP is quite reasonably afraid that some problems may arise once more. This time, the doctors also scheduled a C-section – according to the plan, at 38 weeks, but there are some suspicions that everything may not go according to plan again.
Image source: mneis927272
The OP’s husband plans to go on a 10-day celebratory trip overseas with his colleagues
What’s the problem with the OP’s husband, you ask? Well, here’s the thing – the fact is that he planned a long celebratory trip to Europe with his colleagues, and then he wanted to see his relatives as well. In total, he will be absent for about 10 days – and the 32-33 weeks of pregnancy, which are significant for the OP, fall exactly on this period.
Image source: mneis927272
In case anything bad happens, the OP will be completely alone with a whole bunch of problems
The situation is complicated by the fact that the family recently moved to a new place and have not had time to make friends and acquaintances, so that in case of any health problems, the mom will be left completely alone. In addition, do not forget about the first child, whose care also lies with the OP.
Image source: mneis927272
In addition, it would take two flights for the OP’s hubby to get home
In connection with a difficult pregnancy, doctors recommended that she avoid lifting weights, but a toddler is also a weight. In general, there is a risk that everything could go wrong when the hubby is on another continent, two flights from home, and hardly in touch, because the party is planned at one of the resorts famous for its nightclubs.
Image source: mneis927272
The husband seems to be feeling bad about the situation, but does not want to cancel the trip
The OP, let’s just give her credit, is a very humble person. She decided not to tell her husband directly that she was not happy about his idea to go, but she was trying to give her husband a hint. As a result, the man seems sad because he is embarrassed to leave his wife alone, but at the same time, he is in no hurry to cancel the trip.
Image source: bradleypjohnson (not the actual photo)
Commenters say that a responsible person would do anything to avoid problems for one’s family
According to people in the comments, even the fact that the husband is not planning to cancel anything says a lot. Commenters argue that if the doctor has already said that the life of his wife and child may be in danger, then a responsible person would do everything to avoid problems as much as possible. And it is better for his wife to tell him about it directly.
Some people have noted that while partying in clubs, the man could catch some kind of virus and then bring it to his pregnant wife and toddler – even if everything is fine with the pregnancy, it puts their health at risk anyway. In general, most commenters agree that the OP’s husband is simply selfish and is thinking only of his own pleasure.
Now, we highly appreciate your comments, so we’d love to hear what you think about this situation. And perhaps someone has already found themselves in a similar position – then your story will be doubly valuable for us.
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NTA. My husband would not travel more than 2 hours away from me after 30 weeks for both of my pregnancies. He was particularly attentive for the second pregnancy when we were also living overseas and away from my support network. The thought of laboring without him was awful - and I didn't have the risk and trauma that you are dealing with. As disappointed as he might be, and I get that he would be, its time to be a good man and support his growing family.
Maybe he could ask his employer for another type of reward, such as a bonus.
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So many of these AITA posts involve a really selfish significant other. I wonder if it started that way and the poster didn't see the red flags, or thought the person would change, or do people actually change to be this unkind and self-serving in a relationship.
I think that its a bit of both. Probably the flags were there but they were "too small" to break up over that. Maybe he didnt do enough housechores, maybe he would be a bit jelous of your best friend. Red flags but that many people might overlook. But they start growing as he or she knows that can get away with it. And by the time that they are very big the other person feels trapped in the relation and feels that she or he cant leave. I am sure that if divorce was easier and if living on your own was affordable (who can rent a whole appartment alone?) we would see a sudden increase of breakups.
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NTA - this is what annoys me with some men. They feel that they can have a break from being a father and partner. Not only is he leaving you whilst heavily pregnant, but he's also leaving you with another child to take care of whilst you're heavily pregnant. He's being a selfish Pr**k
Knew a guy who dipped out on his first childs birth because he had a fishihg trip lined up. Divorced now but he is one of those clueless bastards who really is not sure why.
My father didn't come to my wedding because he had a fishing tournament. My father in law walked me down the aisle. And no, I don't have any sort of relationship with my father today.
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What an a****le! She should file for a divorce. It makes me angry to even read this 😡 How could anyone even consider leaving a very pregant wife all alone for just 1 day with a toddler 😡😡😡
Being alone for a few days is not an issue if the wife has an easy pregnancy (I have 2 kids, 21 months apart, worked until week 38 with both kids, husband often had to work in different cities for several days in a row and I was on my own, but I had super easy pregnancies and was managing perfectly fine) but not with a wife with a high risk pregnancy, a trauma and no support whatsoever in case somerhing happens.
Load More Replies... Nornally I'd say at 32 weeks it was OK, but given all the complicating factors listed I'm definitely giving the husband the A here
I don't know. That pregnant, without any friends and family and with a toddler? Its still risky imo
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I would really like to see how all this situation came to a conclusion. I think husband is quite a see u next Tuesday.
But how… how would anyone ever get the IDEA to leave their pregnant wife for a goddamned “celebratory” trip? Is the man brainless? Is he mentally thirteen years old? What’s wrong with him? I’d worry myself to death every second I was away, the mere thought would give me chills of lurking panic. How is this even a question? I’m so confused, to be honest, I don’t follow his thinking at all.
Lady, where do you live? I will come be a damn caretaker for you for free because this is f****d the f****d up. A pregnant woman without all of the added factors shouldn't be in a place without family or friends to help out. Period. That's just dangerous. Then you add all of the stress & the health concerns & the fact that YOU HAVE NO RESOURCES OUTSIDE OF YOUR MARRIAGE to help you!!!! That's beyond messed up dude!! S**t, i sprained my damn ankle real bad while my husband was on the road (truck driver) & he came home immediately because we have a lot of animals & I couldn't walk around our 3 acre property to care for them... I never even had to ask him to come home. He just did it because that's what a spouse does. This makes me very sad for you mom. You don't deserve this. This isn't a sprained ankle. This is a literal baby, a mother w/ a high risk pregnancy & a whole a*s child who needs their dad/husband. Please tell me he didn't go!? I will seriously be your caretaker. Loltheir
No problem if she had family where she is but I wouldn't leave my wife like that...
I would be making some back up plans for when he decides toeave permanently. Sounds like he may already be thinking along those lines. No one that has a family and cares about them should even think of pulling a stunt like this one.
Holy s**t! What is wrong with this guy?? What happens if she has a sudden emergency and god forbid, dies due to complications? There are so many things that can go wrong even with a totally healthy pregnancy, so in her case, she needs as much help as possible! If something happens to her, the baby or the toddler, that's on him! Jeezus
Just NO. That he even planned a trip? So incredibly egoistic. What is he thinking? It's _their_ children, and even though he can't share the suffering of pregnancy the VERY least he can do is to be there and support her and do his share of taking care of the child and housework. I don't know what all of these so called men are thinking when they act totally clueless around pregnancy, childbirth and taking care of kids. Are you not involved at all? Because this seems totally careless.
My husband cares about me, my health, and his kids' health. He wouldn't even consider this, like at all.
when my ex boss did not want to give me more time off to help with wife's complication when she was 26weeks, i resigned and found a few cadual work hete and there, 1/3 of my normal paycheck. with covid and all, we are still struggling financially but my wife and baby are safe.
husband is TA. He's going on a work social trip plus he added extra days for himself. He plans to go but hasn't arranged care for his wife and her high risk pregnancy. He moved wife away from her family so she has no support system.Wife needs to tell husband, either you stay because I can't lift things without risking this pregnancy or you arrange someone to stay with me and help me. Maybe ask wife's mother to come stay? Or hire someone. What if wife delivers while he's gone? Who will drive her to and from the hospital? This is one selfish husband.
Seriously, WTF is wrong with this guy? My daughter could not lift anything when she was pregnant and her husband didn't let her do a damn thing.
If she’s showing signs of pre eclampsia, she is at risk of serious complications. It’s wild that this man would even consider a vacation over being their for his child and wife.
This is smelling to high heaven that this guy is going to take a powder. In Austin there is a home for moms who followed their husbands to another country for work then were abandoned there. Kids and all. And no it is not just moms from Mexico. This happens to women from all over. 100% of the time they have no money to get back home. Completely out of the blue abandoned. No network of friends or family to help. It is so very sad.
High risk pregnancy also means SHE MAY DIE. Her and their babys lifes are basically in danger at all times and he wants to leave her totally alone, pregnant and with a toddler she shouldn't even pick up. That man is one of the worst ever partners. He is an a*****e that should take his head out of his a*s. Men treat their wife's pregnancy like their own achievement, want to celebrate, have chill out trips, like it was them doing all of the work, while all they did was have sex. If your wife's body is doing so much growing a baby inside of her, you should do everything to make it easier for her, not leave like you deserve a break from her being pregnant?? Do dudes like that even think?
This is a testimony that I will tell everyone to hear. i have been married for 4 years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr, Hopson have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 15 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to yourself, His Email: centuryofspell@gmail.com or 2348130316560...
This is a testimony that I will tell everyone to hear. i have been married for 4 years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr, Hopson have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 15 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to yourself, His Email: centuryofspell@gmail.com or 2348130316560
This actually sounds like bad communication. It sounds like she hasn't actually laid it out for him like she has here and is expecting him to intuit that she's actually not ok. She sounds like a really nice but conflict averse person and has probably not wanted to say 'don't go'. Her husband has probably read this as her being really, really kind to him, so feels bad but thinks he has had her blessing to go ahead. She just needs to talk to him straight.
I agree, NTA is definately it. -- "Scheduled c-section"... This turns my crank. Last I heard, over 90% of all non-emergency c-section deliveries are UNNEEDED, and performed simply to pad the bill and increase the pay-out to the attending physician.
You heard. And what would that source be? Her first baby was an emergency, so of course a second one will be born by C-section to avoid any risk of another emergency surgery being necessary. My firstborn almost died at birth, no reason could be found, so the second was born by planned section to avoid any risk. Some C-sections may be unnecessary but certainly not 90%.
Load More Replies... NTA. My husband would not travel more than 2 hours away from me after 30 weeks for both of my pregnancies. He was particularly attentive for the second pregnancy when we were also living overseas and away from my support network. The thought of laboring without him was awful - and I didn't have the risk and trauma that you are dealing with. As disappointed as he might be, and I get that he would be, its time to be a good man and support his growing family.
Maybe he could ask his employer for another type of reward, such as a bonus.
Load More Replies... So many of these AITA posts involve a really selfish significant other. I wonder if it started that way and the poster didn't see the red flags, or thought the person would change, or do people actually change to be this unkind and self-serving in a relationship.
I think that its a bit of both. Probably the flags were there but they were "too small" to break up over that. Maybe he didnt do enough housechores, maybe he would be a bit jelous of your best friend. Red flags but that many people might overlook. But they start growing as he or she knows that can get away with it. And by the time that they are very big the other person feels trapped in the relation and feels that she or he cant leave. I am sure that if divorce was easier and if living on your own was affordable (who can rent a whole appartment alone?) we would see a sudden increase of breakups.
Load More Replies... NTA - this is what annoys me with some men. They feel that they can have a break from being a father and partner. Not only is he leaving you whilst heavily pregnant, but he's also leaving you with another child to take care of whilst you're heavily pregnant. He's being a selfish Pr**k
Knew a guy who dipped out on his first childs birth because he had a fishihg trip lined up. Divorced now but he is one of those clueless bastards who really is not sure why.
My father didn't come to my wedding because he had a fishing tournament. My father in law walked me down the aisle. And no, I don't have any sort of relationship with my father today.
Load More Replies... What an a****le! She should file for a divorce. It makes me angry to even read this 😡 How could anyone even consider leaving a very pregant wife all alone for just 1 day with a toddler 😡😡😡
Being alone for a few days is not an issue if the wife has an easy pregnancy (I have 2 kids, 21 months apart, worked until week 38 with both kids, husband often had to work in different cities for several days in a row and I was on my own, but I had super easy pregnancies and was managing perfectly fine) but not with a wife with a high risk pregnancy, a trauma and no support whatsoever in case somerhing happens.
Load More Replies... Nornally I'd say at 32 weeks it was OK, but given all the complicating factors listed I'm definitely giving the husband the A here
I don't know. That pregnant, without any friends and family and with a toddler? Its still risky imo
Load More Replies... I would really like to see how all this situation came to a conclusion. I think husband is quite a see u next Tuesday.
But how… how would anyone ever get the IDEA to leave their pregnant wife for a goddamned “celebratory” trip? Is the man brainless? Is he mentally thirteen years old? What’s wrong with him? I’d worry myself to death every second I was away, the mere thought would give me chills of lurking panic. How is this even a question? I’m so confused, to be honest, I don’t follow his thinking at all.
Lady, where do you live? I will come be a damn caretaker for you for free because this is f****d the f****d up. A pregnant woman without all of the added factors shouldn't be in a place without family or friends to help out. Period. That's just dangerous. Then you add all of the stress & the health concerns & the fact that YOU HAVE NO RESOURCES OUTSIDE OF YOUR MARRIAGE to help you!!!! That's beyond messed up dude!! S**t, i sprained my damn ankle real bad while my husband was on the road (truck driver) & he came home immediately because we have a lot of animals & I couldn't walk around our 3 acre property to care for them... I never even had to ask him to come home. He just did it because that's what a spouse does. This makes me very sad for you mom. You don't deserve this. This isn't a sprained ankle. This is a literal baby, a mother w/ a high risk pregnancy & a whole a*s child who needs their dad/husband. Please tell me he didn't go!? I will seriously be your caretaker. Loltheir
No problem if she had family where she is but I wouldn't leave my wife like that...
I would be making some back up plans for when he decides toeave permanently. Sounds like he may already be thinking along those lines. No one that has a family and cares about them should even think of pulling a stunt like this one.
Holy s**t! What is wrong with this guy?? What happens if she has a sudden emergency and god forbid, dies due to complications? There are so many things that can go wrong even with a totally healthy pregnancy, so in her case, she needs as much help as possible! If something happens to her, the baby or the toddler, that's on him! Jeezus
Just NO. That he even planned a trip? So incredibly egoistic. What is he thinking? It's _their_ children, and even though he can't share the suffering of pregnancy the VERY least he can do is to be there and support her and do his share of taking care of the child and housework. I don't know what all of these so called men are thinking when they act totally clueless around pregnancy, childbirth and taking care of kids. Are you not involved at all? Because this seems totally careless.
My husband cares about me, my health, and his kids' health. He wouldn't even consider this, like at all.
when my ex boss did not want to give me more time off to help with wife's complication when she was 26weeks, i resigned and found a few cadual work hete and there, 1/3 of my normal paycheck. with covid and all, we are still struggling financially but my wife and baby are safe.
husband is TA. He's going on a work social trip plus he added extra days for himself. He plans to go but hasn't arranged care for his wife and her high risk pregnancy. He moved wife away from her family so she has no support system.Wife needs to tell husband, either you stay because I can't lift things without risking this pregnancy or you arrange someone to stay with me and help me. Maybe ask wife's mother to come stay? Or hire someone. What if wife delivers while he's gone? Who will drive her to and from the hospital? This is one selfish husband.
Seriously, WTF is wrong with this guy? My daughter could not lift anything when she was pregnant and her husband didn't let her do a damn thing.
If she’s showing signs of pre eclampsia, she is at risk of serious complications. It’s wild that this man would even consider a vacation over being their for his child and wife.
This is smelling to high heaven that this guy is going to take a powder. In Austin there is a home for moms who followed their husbands to another country for work then were abandoned there. Kids and all. And no it is not just moms from Mexico. This happens to women from all over. 100% of the time they have no money to get back home. Completely out of the blue abandoned. No network of friends or family to help. It is so very sad.
High risk pregnancy also means SHE MAY DIE. Her and their babys lifes are basically in danger at all times and he wants to leave her totally alone, pregnant and with a toddler she shouldn't even pick up. That man is one of the worst ever partners. He is an a*****e that should take his head out of his a*s. Men treat their wife's pregnancy like their own achievement, want to celebrate, have chill out trips, like it was them doing all of the work, while all they did was have sex. If your wife's body is doing so much growing a baby inside of her, you should do everything to make it easier for her, not leave like you deserve a break from her being pregnant?? Do dudes like that even think?
This is a testimony that I will tell everyone to hear. i have been married for 4 years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr, Hopson have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 15 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to yourself, His Email: centuryofspell@gmail.com or 2348130316560...
This is a testimony that I will tell everyone to hear. i have been married for 4 years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2 years until i meant a post where this man Dr, Hopson have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 15 hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make everyone of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to yourself, His Email: centuryofspell@gmail.com or 2348130316560
This actually sounds like bad communication. It sounds like she hasn't actually laid it out for him like she has here and is expecting him to intuit that she's actually not ok. She sounds like a really nice but conflict averse person and has probably not wanted to say 'don't go'. Her husband has probably read this as her being really, really kind to him, so feels bad but thinks he has had her blessing to go ahead. She just needs to talk to him straight.
I agree, NTA is definately it. -- "Scheduled c-section"... This turns my crank. Last I heard, over 90% of all non-emergency c-section deliveries are UNNEEDED, and performed simply to pad the bill and increase the pay-out to the attending physician.
You heard. And what would that source be? Her first baby was an emergency, so of course a second one will be born by C-section to avoid any risk of another emergency surgery being necessary. My firstborn almost died at birth, no reason could be found, so the second was born by planned section to avoid any risk. Some C-sections may be unnecessary but certainly not 90%.
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