Husband Sells His Car To Fund His Brother’s Wedding, Wife Calls The Police On Him When He Takes Her Car As She Made It Clear It Was “Off Limits”
All happy families are equally happy. All unhappy families are unhappy in their own way. It often happens that relatives on the husband’s or wife’s side who interfere in family life with the best of intentions, over time, on the contrary, destroy this very family.
“It can be hard to set boundaries with our in-laws, but when the boundaries we do set get violated, it becomes impossible to cultivate a mutually respectful relationship,” says certified NLPMP E.B. Johnson in her Medium blog post. And if these boundaries are violated at least once, this will give rise to subsequent conflicts.
Like for this Redditor, for example, whose post on the AITA community got around 22.4K upvotes and garnered over 2.5K different comments. True, in order to understand the situation in more detail, one post was not enough – clarifications were required from the Original Poster in the comments.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster’s husband once sold his old car to help his brother to arrange his own wedding
Image credits: Ankur Gulati (not the actual image)
So, the OP’s brother-in-law was planning a wedding that – let’s just say – OP wasn’t invited to. As she herself said in the comments, she clearly did not have a relationship with her in-laws, so both the MIL and the BIL consistently told her husband that she was unworthy of him and generally a not-so-good person. Most likely, the relationship in their family by the time this story began was already not the best.
Image credits: u/us5247751
The OP wasn’t invited to the wedding since she had a bad relationship with her in-laws
It turned out that the husband’s brother did not have enough money to arrange his own wedding, so the OP’s hubby decided to sell his car to help his brother. His wife tried to dissuade him from taking such a step, but he still did as he wanted. In fact, more than one scandal took place – and the OP stated that she would no longer allow her husband to drive her own car, especially since the man was not a good driver.
Image credits: u/us5247751
The OP told her husband that if he took the car without permission, she would report it stolen
As a result, the husband went to work by public transport, but he wanted to go to his brother’s wedding by car – because he lived outside their town. The husband asked his wife in advance to lend him the car, but she refused and warned that if he took the keys without asking, she would call the police and report it stolen.
Image credits: Elliot Harmon (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/us5247751
On the wedding day, the OP found out that her hubby had taken her car after all
As a result, on the morning of the wedding day, the woman woke up – her husband was gone, and the car too. She immediately called him – he said that he was going to the wedding and yes, he was driving her car. She immediately hung up and called the cops. She did not mention that this was her hubby, so that they would not consider what was happening an ordinary family quarrel.
Image credits: u/us5247751
At the police station, the husband threw a tantrum at her, stating that she had just changed her mind on giving him the car
As a result, the husband was detained and escorted to the police station. When his wife arrived, he threw a tantrum at her, claiming to the cops that his wife had let him take the car and then just changed her mind. As a result, the woman simply left, leaving her husband behind bars.
Image credits: u/us5247751
Later in the evening the husband returned, called the OP a jerk and left for his relatives
He returned late in the evening, threw another tantrum, called his wife a vindictive jerk and left for his relatives. At the time of writing, as the OP admits, he still hasn’t returned home.
Image credits: FotoSleuth ( not the actual image)
Most of the commenters agreed that the OP acted quite logically
The commenters, having clarified all the details, mostly sided with the OP, arguing that since it happened and she warned her husband several times that it was unacceptable to take her car, she acted quite logically.
Although, as almost all people admit in the comments, it would be best for the family to keep all in-laws at a safe distance so that they respect the established boundaries. True, commenters state, it will not be easy to restore good relations in the family itself.
We hope that this has never happened and will not happen in your families, but in any case, we will highly appreciate your comments. After all, as you perhaps know, all good comments are equally good.
I don't understand why are they married. If my husband wouldn't be invited to my sister's wedding, I wouldn't go. I would send a gift and congratulate, but wouldn't go.
Not all families are cool with each other. If my SIL invites my man and not me (which would be absolutely normal), i won't say anything and would ask him to go. I'm with him, not with his family. I don't feel the need to have family relationship with his family. I don't like his sister, she doesn't like me. We have no relationship between us. 17 years and we still dont like each other.
Load More Replies...Wow, he steals her car (husband or not, you take something from someone without permission and that's the DEFINITION of stealing!) and she calls the police. After warning him that she would if he didn't return the car. I don't get the people calling her TA.
Not because the hubby was innocent. But due to tying up the emergency services to prove a point. This was non-emergency, she knew where the car was and who was in possession, and that it would be returned and when. She stated that she knew that the cops wouldn't do anything if she told them whole situation, so she deliberately kept the cops in the dark. Yes, the husband is an a**e, but as other folk have pointed out ESH. Sounds to me like they're well suited
Load More Replies...I have a sneaky suspicion that we're not getting anywhere close to the whole story here, and that ESH.
Normally, I'd ask why the two of them are married at all, but since they both sound like horrible human beings, maybe its better they're together than off ruining the lives of other people.
I never understand the situations where a husband and wife refer to "my property" or "his property", that sounds more like a business relationship than a marriage. All my wife and I have is "our property". She drives one car more than the other, so if I take the car I say "Hey, I'm taking 'your' car to work today", but it's still "our" car.
Same here. We both have cars, which technically are in both our names. Everything we own is in both our names. I don't understand married people with a "this is mine and not yours" attitude.
Load More Replies...Had to do the same. My ex was banned from driving my triumph tr7 sports car due to bad driving and mental health issues. So yeah I called the cops and had him arrested when he took it on psychotic break.
I think commenters on your post have no idea what a psychotic break is. Imagine this particular break has him mowing down people on a sidewalk but in his mind he’s just driving over pot holes. Calling the police in this situation can save lives. Some people with mental disorders easily lose attention and they might drive into a ditch or the back of the car in front of them. The list of horrors can go on and on. Lastly, yes, he will probably be arrested BUT he will speak with a judge who has the power to send him to a hospital until they get his meds straightened out. But at least he’s not out killing people and damaging property.
Load More Replies...My husband made the bad decision of quitting his job and then not telling me about it. I was miffed because we were already struggling financially. I knew his company was probably weeks away from laying everyone off anyway and that working conditions were horrible. I didn't blame him for quitting, but for keeping it a secret and not discussing it with me. It was actually a good thing in the long run because we are now totally honest with each other on every major decision. This...going behind your back issue is bad with your husband. But you are equally bad for reporting the car stolen. You could have easily waited for him to return and taken the keys from him, then filed for divorce or take that public transportation you were encouraging him to use, go retrieve your car and leave him to find his own way home. Either way, you two should not be married.
Those two should stay married to each other, so there are 2 a-holes less in the world for normal people to get involved with.
I agree with the ESH judgment. If he sold his car to pay for his brother's wedding, without another car to commute, he's the AH. But involving the cops in what was clearly a family dispute, she's an AH. These two should not be married an I have a feeling they won't be much longer.
ESH. Him for taking the car and you for not divorcing before you got to this point.
Both parties involved seem rather odd here. The husband seems really dumb, i mean selling your only means of transportation? That's never a good idea. The brother is stupid for having a wedding he couldn't afford himself. The wife seems the least dumb here, and i understand her frustration but seriously why call the police? You guys are supposed to be a team and working to make things happen for eachother
NTA. Husband or not, he was not entitled to use the car. He was told he could not use it and took it anyway for 5 days which would be forcing her to use public transport or ride-sharing services. Then she calls him and demands he bring the car back or she will call the police and he didn't believe her. She called the police and he got arrested which is exactly what he deserved. The ONLY AH is the husband. She had no choice but to call the police and not disclose that her husband took it or they would not have gotten involved and she would have been without a car for 5 days. A spouse's vehicle is NEVER yours to take without permission. He is an entitled AH. She needs to tell that man-child husband of hers that if he ever takes her car again she will press criminal charges and let him do real jail time. It also sounds like he cares more about his brother than his wife and that is unacceptable. She should divorce him.
Definitely agree that ESH. The husband selling his car to pay for his brothers wedding sounds like a nice gesture but it shouldn't have been made without the spouse's council. But if the ILs don't like her and she's this shitty back to them then something more is going on. Also "off limits" is a real b***h move... I'm sorry to say
Why is everyone saying ESH? OP set clear boundaries, her husband broke them. Also has nobody ever heard of Uber or Lyft? OR A CAB?
I say ESH because they're marriedz and they're clearly both s**t spouses.
Load More Replies...I don't understand why are they married. If my husband wouldn't be invited to my sister's wedding, I wouldn't go. I would send a gift and congratulate, but wouldn't go.
Not all families are cool with each other. If my SIL invites my man and not me (which would be absolutely normal), i won't say anything and would ask him to go. I'm with him, not with his family. I don't feel the need to have family relationship with his family. I don't like his sister, she doesn't like me. We have no relationship between us. 17 years and we still dont like each other.
Load More Replies...Wow, he steals her car (husband or not, you take something from someone without permission and that's the DEFINITION of stealing!) and she calls the police. After warning him that she would if he didn't return the car. I don't get the people calling her TA.
Not because the hubby was innocent. But due to tying up the emergency services to prove a point. This was non-emergency, she knew where the car was and who was in possession, and that it would be returned and when. She stated that she knew that the cops wouldn't do anything if she told them whole situation, so she deliberately kept the cops in the dark. Yes, the husband is an a**e, but as other folk have pointed out ESH. Sounds to me like they're well suited
Load More Replies...I have a sneaky suspicion that we're not getting anywhere close to the whole story here, and that ESH.
Normally, I'd ask why the two of them are married at all, but since they both sound like horrible human beings, maybe its better they're together than off ruining the lives of other people.
I never understand the situations where a husband and wife refer to "my property" or "his property", that sounds more like a business relationship than a marriage. All my wife and I have is "our property". She drives one car more than the other, so if I take the car I say "Hey, I'm taking 'your' car to work today", but it's still "our" car.
Same here. We both have cars, which technically are in both our names. Everything we own is in both our names. I don't understand married people with a "this is mine and not yours" attitude.
Load More Replies...Had to do the same. My ex was banned from driving my triumph tr7 sports car due to bad driving and mental health issues. So yeah I called the cops and had him arrested when he took it on psychotic break.
I think commenters on your post have no idea what a psychotic break is. Imagine this particular break has him mowing down people on a sidewalk but in his mind he’s just driving over pot holes. Calling the police in this situation can save lives. Some people with mental disorders easily lose attention and they might drive into a ditch or the back of the car in front of them. The list of horrors can go on and on. Lastly, yes, he will probably be arrested BUT he will speak with a judge who has the power to send him to a hospital until they get his meds straightened out. But at least he’s not out killing people and damaging property.
Load More Replies...My husband made the bad decision of quitting his job and then not telling me about it. I was miffed because we were already struggling financially. I knew his company was probably weeks away from laying everyone off anyway and that working conditions were horrible. I didn't blame him for quitting, but for keeping it a secret and not discussing it with me. It was actually a good thing in the long run because we are now totally honest with each other on every major decision. This...going behind your back issue is bad with your husband. But you are equally bad for reporting the car stolen. You could have easily waited for him to return and taken the keys from him, then filed for divorce or take that public transportation you were encouraging him to use, go retrieve your car and leave him to find his own way home. Either way, you two should not be married.
Those two should stay married to each other, so there are 2 a-holes less in the world for normal people to get involved with.
I agree with the ESH judgment. If he sold his car to pay for his brother's wedding, without another car to commute, he's the AH. But involving the cops in what was clearly a family dispute, she's an AH. These two should not be married an I have a feeling they won't be much longer.
ESH. Him for taking the car and you for not divorcing before you got to this point.
Both parties involved seem rather odd here. The husband seems really dumb, i mean selling your only means of transportation? That's never a good idea. The brother is stupid for having a wedding he couldn't afford himself. The wife seems the least dumb here, and i understand her frustration but seriously why call the police? You guys are supposed to be a team and working to make things happen for eachother
NTA. Husband or not, he was not entitled to use the car. He was told he could not use it and took it anyway for 5 days which would be forcing her to use public transport or ride-sharing services. Then she calls him and demands he bring the car back or she will call the police and he didn't believe her. She called the police and he got arrested which is exactly what he deserved. The ONLY AH is the husband. She had no choice but to call the police and not disclose that her husband took it or they would not have gotten involved and she would have been without a car for 5 days. A spouse's vehicle is NEVER yours to take without permission. He is an entitled AH. She needs to tell that man-child husband of hers that if he ever takes her car again she will press criminal charges and let him do real jail time. It also sounds like he cares more about his brother than his wife and that is unacceptable. She should divorce him.
Definitely agree that ESH. The husband selling his car to pay for his brothers wedding sounds like a nice gesture but it shouldn't have been made without the spouse's council. But if the ILs don't like her and she's this shitty back to them then something more is going on. Also "off limits" is a real b***h move... I'm sorry to say
Why is everyone saying ESH? OP set clear boundaries, her husband broke them. Also has nobody ever heard of Uber or Lyft? OR A CAB?
I say ESH because they're marriedz and they're clearly both s**t spouses.
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