“Now He Is Refusing To Even Sleep In The Same Bed As Me”: Parents Get Into A Fight When Mom Secretly Installs A Door In Teenage Son’s Room Despite The Dad Disagreeing
Privacy is a fundamental human right recognized in the UN Declaration of Human Rights, the International Convenant on Civil and Political Rights and in many other international and regional treaties. But some would say that their parents, siblings or pets are constantly depriving them of that important right.
For some people it’s a joke, but for others it’s a serious issue. Like when parents believe that their child who has a separate room doesn’t need a door. A mom shared a story on Reddit about how her husband doesn’t want their 14-year-old son to have a door in his room, but she thinks otherwise, so she bought him a door. But that made the dad very mad and it caused more tension in the family than it should have.
More info: Reddit
A mom wants to know if she made the wrong decision to go behind her husband’s back and install a door in their son’s room
Image credits: Melissa Doroquez (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 35-year-old mom and her husband is 46 years old. They have a 14-year-old son and the dad believes that their child doesn’t need privacy until he turns 18, so as long as he is under the parents’ care, he shouldn’t have a door.
The mom, on the other hand, thinks that teenagers do need their own privacy, space and freedom. Of course, their child is 14, so she would still need to know what he’s up to, but the mom doesn’t think that it’s necessary to remove the door from his room.
The father thinks that teenagers shouldn’t have privacy as long as they are in the care of the parents
Image credits: melindthrowaway
This disagreement started to create some tension between the two parents and the dad doesn’t want any compromises because he was raised this way so he knows best.
But the mom’s heart couldn’t bear seeing her son mistreated, so she thought it would be a good idea to do what she thinks is right. As her son’s birthday and Christmas are near, she decided that a perfect gift would be a door.
Image credits: melindthrowaway
The mom thinks that at least a door is appropriate for a teenager to have
Image credits: melindthrowaway
The OP didn’t say anything to her husband and secretly bought a door and had it installed in the son’s room when neither he nor his dad was home.
The son came home after school with a door blocking his room and the mom saw that he was delighted and probably actually relieved. However, when the dad saw the door he was not satisfied at all.
Knowing that the dad would never agree to it, the mom went behind his back and got a door installed as a birthday and a Christmas gift for the 14-year-old son
Image credits: melindthrowaway
He was actually really mad, and now the wife and the husband sleep in different rooms. The husband was displeased that such a decision was made without having a word with him and felt that his authority was disrespected.
The OP now thinks that she acted without thinking and should have had a conversation with her husband before making a parenting decision and is asking if she deserves being treated like the jerk in this situation.
The son was happy to finally have some privacy but the OP’s husband is not sleeping in the same bed with her anymore for this
Image credits: melindthrowaway
People in the comments were actually concerned that the OP’s husband is abusive and toxic more than who is wrong in the situation. They found it problematic how he explained that there is no need for a door so the son could grow up a man and that he feels he’s the only authority in the house.
What do you take from this story? Do you think teenagers are entitled to privacy? And do you feel that this family has deeper issues rather than just this one disagreement about privacy which is already quite alarming? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section!
Seems like other redditors are quite concerned and feel that this disagreement is just one of many issues in the family
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No door, and the phrase "what it takes for (kid) to be a man", caused serious red flags. Then came "This is how I was raised". Change locks, wave him good-bye, get counseling, IMHO. That may be extreme, but it's a symbol of trust, that door is. That would be wonderful for a kid, I'd think?
The two quotes point to the father wanting his son to take after him. Two generations of abusers is two generations of abusers too many. I hope the mother cuts her losses. No father in the son's life would be a major improvement.
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The giant age gap and all the controlling behavior and what he's doing to his son? There are more red flags here than an incel convention.
It's a small chance, but I hope this is a wake-up call for her and she takes herself and her son away from this abusive a-hole.
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Jeez, this guy's an a-hole all over. Everyone needs a space of their own, if just to get away from things and decompress. Those teenage years can be rough enough without being able to just chill with your own thoughts. Plus, the 14 year old is gonna want some privacy for "other" things... You can only go to the bathroom or take a shower so many times a day without it looking strange.
Well one things for almost certain: that boy is going to have no relationship with his father. And his dad is going to wonder what happened.
Not just the dad. He won't be having much of a relationship with mom either if she keeps enabling his asshole of a dad.
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"Centuries Out Of Date Man" perhaps? Honestly, anyone coming out with those words should be told bye-bye and left as fast as you can go. Children need doors from a much earlier age than this.
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Why is she upset he isn't sleeping with her? Seems like that would be her bonus gift for doing right by her kid
I have a super controlling step dad and grew up in exactly this situation. I used to get dressed in my closet. Literally. It was just one in a long list of damaging things from my childhood that I'm still recovering from 2 decades later. My experience was a clear case of a mother choosing her relationship over her children's well being. This situation though, seems like abuse and I really hope this woman has the support she needs and can find the strength to kick him to the curb.
What kind of parent thinks a teenage boy shouldn't have privacy? I could maybe see if the kid did something to lose privacy privileges for a short time- but a 14 year old boy deserves an age appropriate amount of privacy
I think privacy in this context should be a right, not a privilege. It makes me shudder every time I hear of doors being taken off children's rooms. I can't see what action leads to that being an appropriate consequence? I don't have kids myself, so I don't fully understand what it is like, so I am really clueless at times :) I hope that didn't come out wrong, I know you do understand a teen's right to privacy.
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There's a very important lesson for the son in here... about the limits of a man's authority in his own home. When he's wrong, he's wrong, even if he is the "man of the house", and sometimes it's right to "disrespect his authority". The OP should discuss this with the son at an appropriate time, ask him which is more important in a family or in general... maintaining authority, or admitting you're wrong when you're wrong.
The 'Man of the house' thing needs leaving in the past. Any one individual thinking that they ultimately authority over all the others in the house? No. Makes me feel sick.
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When I was in highschool I was friends with a girl whose bible-thumping jerk of a father wouldn't let her close her bedroom door, I guess in case she got up to anything Sinful. She's a grown woman now and so paranoid about her privacy that she refuses to own a smartphone. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a connection, sigh.
This dude need some balls, to face himself. My nonexisting kids would have a door and a functional key for it. So you see here, when you take privacy away from your kid, all you get is trust issues and insecurities.
"I grew up up hard and hated it so I'll do it to my kid, too!" I used to think that parents wanted better for their children but they don't. They are determined to see their kids suffer just like they did. Generations of abuse.
I'm always appalled that people can't look at their childhood and go 'right, I hated that and it was harmful'. If you can't, maybe don't have children.
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I think it's great that the husband is now sleeping in another room. Now the wife gets some privacy too.
Husband sounds like he was raised in religious control-freak family, and he's perpetuating the unhealthy cycle. Either the husband learns to stop being such a backwards a-hole, or you hire a divorce lawyer and fight for full custody. A Guardian Ad Litem and a Judge would not look kindly on this, it would be viewed as mentally and emotionally unhealthy for the child's wellbeing and development. I wonder what other weird and crazy 18th century Mormon rules dad likes to impose.
I was very close to my mother, and discipline was very strict. But come on, she was strict, she wasn't a nut case. What kind of parent doesn't allow their kid their own life? You don't trust your own kid enough to let them shut a door? Then you failed as a parent.
Even my husband n I have our own private areas in our home. we share a bedroom. But we respect each others privacy despite being married and it being normal to share everything. It's not healthy to share every part of your life with someone. Not even your kids. Especially when they're teenagers. If you take away someone's right to privacy they're just going to find other ways to get it. Kids need structure... but they also need space to become their own person and to teach them that they're not trustworthy is only going to lead down a very negative path. That's a very unhealthy way to raise a child. My dad n I were SO close n I told him EVERYTHING. he was my best friend. He always gave me my privacy n respected it n in turn it created a very honest, open n trusting relationship for us both. I willingly shared my life w/ him n it's because he gave me the option to. We didn't have secrets. We never lied to him. But had he done the opposite I probably would have never been so close w/ him
Been there. Lived that. I was the teenage daughter getting dressed in my closet and counting down the days until I could get the f out of that house.
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People like this husband shouldn't be trusted with children. Actually, they shouldn't be trusted even with a guinea pig, if you don't want it to end up with massive mental health problems.
Omg. I heard that my grandfather was raised with 10 other children in a home without doors. But that was over 100 years ago. It was messed up then. It's still a messed up thing to do.
It's insane! I never heard of any child or teenager not having his own room with a door and privacy.
Honey, just throw out the whole damn man and get the kid the Hell out of there
The fact is, everyone needs privacy at times. The door should have been there from the get go. There could have been rules about when it could and could not be open, but it needed to be there. Believe me, your husband's behavior will drive a huge wedge between him and his son. Just because the hubby was raised that way, does not mean it was the right way. When it comes to raising kids, there are very few "one size fits all" rules.
When someone starts with "It's how I was raised" then odds are they were not raised well.
NTA but your husband is. Exactly what kind of "authority" does he think he has that exceeds yours? How does your son get any privacy when dressing and undressing? Does he have to hide in the closet or bathroom? WTH? I wonder if he would have tried that same nonsense if you had a teenage daughter instead of a son? He isn't just being controlling, he is being abusive and even sounds a bit narcissistic. It seems like he thinks not sleeping together is punishing you. Remember that when he decides he wants sex! Tell him no. How he responds to that will tell you exactly what kind of person he is.
I certainly know what I was getting up to in my room at 14. Hint: "Getting up" was an intentional pun. Remember: If your teenage son is doing that in his room, then he's NOT out there somewhere getting some teenage girl knocked up.
She did make the wrong decision. She should have got a new door to lock his dad off.
Growing up, I had zero privacy and none of my boundaries had ever been respected. I have almost no relationship with my mother, developed extreme trust issues and I'm so obsessive with my privacy and so protective of my belongings, that my best friend of over 20 years can count on a hand how many times she's been in my house. As you can imagine, my relationships don't work out too well, I'm single af and will need therapy for the rest of my life. DO NOT F*****G DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! We are not your property!
I just can’t believe a situation like this exists and the woman thinks buying a door without approval might be the problem, and not the glaring red flags of an authoritan elder husband who terrorizes his family.
We moved in a bigger flat when i was 12 and my sister 17 in order to have separate rooms for us, the daughters.No locks on those doors, but my parents always knocked, asking if we can open our doors to talk to each other.Yeah, also my mom talked to us about sexual education when we were 13 yo.(Now i am 51.)
Drop the husband. He toxic. And abusive father. Haven't talk to mines in over 20 years.
Husband is a complete AH. Abusive too. I'd have divorced him long time ago so my kid wasn't exposed to his toxic masculinity. And EVERYONE deserves privacy.
If he wants control give it to him. Ask him what is for dinner, how to cook it , how should you clean , what should you clean, what to buy for groceries, and so on. Let him know he is not that much in control as controlling. If he doesn't trust you and your son he should leave to be in total control. Tell him sorry he was raised with no trust, but you want better for your child.
That dad is violating some serious privacy. Poor kid. My dad’s taken off my door for short periods of time if I slam it, but it’s horrifying that this kid’s dad didn’t let him have a door. Teenagers deserve the same amount of respect as adults do, and we need our privacy and space.
I have never seen a bedroom without a door. Live in mid-west USA.
my dad used to do this. I had to hide in a corner away from the door to get changed because hed make me get changed while he was in direct line of sight to the door. My family was...yikes.
Some commentors are really focussing on the age gap and I don't think that's the problem. My parents were only three years apart in age and he was abusive and disrespectful and acted similar to this (and yes, she did leave him, taking us along). It has to do with respect and parent equality in the home. Major red flags!
I live in Norway and i never heard of such a thing! I never burst into my son’s room uninvited after he turned 12. Kids learn respect by being given respect!
OMG the boy should have had his door from the age of 6 if not sooner. If not for anything else then at least for noise cancelling (I cannot imagine me doing my homework and hearing all the noises from the house in their full force-someone else watching the TV in the living room, food mixers, etc. also a boy needs a space where he can change clothes without feeling embarrassed that mommy is watching him. I think the OP should have first announced to the husband that she is getting a door for the kid, not ask for a permission, just announce it so that the father is not surprised. but I can imagine he would have tried to stop her from doing it
I mean are houses in the US build without doors? In my country we have doors on every room. small kids sleep in the parents bedroom, but older kids when they can sleep alone they have a room and a door from the start, maybe not locks, but for sure there is a door
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So weird. My siblings and I always had doors and when we hit puberty my sister and I got locks. Maybe because we were good kids and our parents trusted us but this is so odd. If you are worried about what your kid may do you can always knock and enter
I have read similar posts on Reddit, and I was gobsmacked at how many people thought that teenagers shouldn't have doors on their bedrooms. Some people thought it was ok to take a door away as a punishment if a teenager did something wrong. There is no way to be delicate about this - teenagers are raging masses of hormones and they want to wank constantly. To not allow them a safe, private place to do that is sick and wrong. Teenagers are not children. Give them privacy. If they want a lock on their door, let them have one. Leave them alone
"This it what it'll take him to be a man"? "This is how I was raised"? Congrats, you married a regressive asshole. My father grew up in a messed up family environment and thankfully he never pulled the :this is how I was raised" BS.
I can’t get rid of the nagging thought that Daddy may be peeping on his son, and not letting him have a door to close on his room just makes it easier. I also can’t get rid of the “what it takes for [his son] to be a man”. Exactly HOW does it make him a man? Or do you have plans to make him a man, Daddy, and what exactly are they? Hmmm? You sick f**k. I shudder to think what would’ve already happened if they’d had a daughter instead of a son. Cripes. Yeah, Mom needs to grow a pair, and she and her Son need to boot Daddy out of the house. She then needs a kick-ass lawyer to help her get custody, a ginormous settlement, the house, the car, and an enormous monthly amount of child support—-hell, even alimony if their state still allows it. She also needs to keep the balls she grows, because controlling men like that asshole do not give up trying to weasel their way into the house and back into control.
I don't agree with the father's action, but I also think there is something seriously wrong with people who see child sexual abuse everywhere. You need help
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First of all, I think this whole story is BS. That being said, even if this story IS real, I think Dad has some major issues that he's trying to pass onto his son.
PS: Why do I get the feeling that Dad is a Trump supporter?
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I grew up in a situation very much like this. I had a door but my mother would come in whenever she wanted to and go through my stuff. Her logic, in the loosest sense of the word, was "if you don't have anything to hide you won't mind me looking." The comment that said you raise great liars was absolutely right. I am one heck of an actor but I learned by lying to my parents in a believable way. And by the way, I never had anything to hide. I read the books I wasn't allowed to read at home at school because if she caught me with my friend's Fear Street books she would have burned them.
so nta! and, this man has some serious control issues. makes me wonder what other kind of control he has exerted to the point that this woman is second guessing her decision over a door. think it is time for the woman to re-evaluate the whole of the relationship with the man rather than re-evaluate her decision over the door.
The luxury of a whole door... why do I have to hear you bickering in the kitchen? Disgusting husband and it doesn't help when women marry people like that
I can't help but wonder where this family lives. In the US, it's not at all acceptable to leave a child in a room without a door. If anything, there's an element of fire safety. But to be exerting such strict controls is demanding, controlling and bullying. Children do need some privacy, should be allowed some privacy. I'd be scared how else the father is mistreating or even abusing the son. What kind of monster wants such ultimate control over their child, it makes no sense, it's terrifying to be so emotionally and physically controlling.
Don't houses come with doors? Like who the hell takes a door off! I mean it's just practical having a door... what if you're making a lot of noise and your kid is trying to sleep?
Or you're trying to sleep and your kid is making a lot of noise :D
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And how did humans survive all these millennia prior to our typical single-family dwellings with all this room we now have to live in?!
seriously, how the f**k do y'all marry such garbage of people??? that's like every other post that I'm wondering how are these neanderthals still married... women are masochists
I honestly went into this with an open mind. My teenage sister had her door removed after breaking some serious rules (leading to dangerous and legal situations) so I was willing to see what the Dad's motivation was. Did he have a valid reason for this? Unfortunately he did not. While I believe that certain levels of respect and freedom are earned, I also firmly believe we should all be granted a certain level of humanity. Essentially we give reasonable privileges to our kids based on age and level of maturity and then remove those privileges if they are violated. And then they need to be earned back. Instead, this dad has blessed his son with original sin. 😂 He is already punished for a myriad of possible behaviors. The second scary thought is how does he punish him when he DOES do wrong....
I’m going to be the unpopular one and say she shouldn’t have gotten a door behind her husband’s back. NOT because her kid didn’t deserve a door, but because it’s a big decision and shouldn’t have been made covertly. Should have been more like “I’m getting him a door. It will be installed tomorrow.” And have the fight out then, not after the fact. The kid needs a door. The husband is a jerk, but it’s not good to make one-sided decisions like that.
But the husband made the original, one-sided, crazy decision!
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His wife, his partner in marriage and child-rearing “disrespected his authority”? He’s a power freak and a misogynist. I only hope her son can eventually get over being raised by him.
I find it odd that if the son wants to masturbate, the dad wants to have viewing access. Because that's ultimately exactly what this boils down to. Leave him, or you WILL be the asshole.
He's obviously the asshole, but I noticed something else that I found funny by reading the comments. All the people saying it doesn't matter if he was in an abusive home or how he was raised and that there is no excuse. So when people act who were abused and act out or cause issues people on this site especially always say to give them a chance or to show compassion. so no compassion here for him?
I have compassion for the dad in that I think he deserves and hope he gets therapy for his very disordered thinking. I do not feel any compassion for him in a way that excuses his behavior. I lived with an abusive person. He was abused as a child. I felt great compassion for him, and constantly excused his behavior. It got worse and worse and until I was afraid for my life. We should want abusers to get help to become healthier, but our compassion should never extend to tolerating abusive behavior. It is dangerous and perpetuates cycles of abuse.
Load More Replies... I don't think you have a high enough level of education to know what goes on behind the door.
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In a healthy relationship she should have talked to him. But this is not, this is clearly an abusive man. She did right. Now what she needs ti do behind his back is file for divorce and custody.
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No door, and the phrase "what it takes for (kid) to be a man", caused serious red flags. Then came "This is how I was raised". Change locks, wave him good-bye, get counseling, IMHO. That may be extreme, but it's a symbol of trust, that door is. That would be wonderful for a kid, I'd think?
The two quotes point to the father wanting his son to take after him. Two generations of abusers is two generations of abusers too many. I hope the mother cuts her losses. No father in the son's life would be a major improvement.
Load More Replies... The giant age gap and all the controlling behavior and what he's doing to his son? There are more red flags here than an incel convention.
It's a small chance, but I hope this is a wake-up call for her and she takes herself and her son away from this abusive a-hole.
Load More Replies... Jeez, this guy's an a-hole all over. Everyone needs a space of their own, if just to get away from things and decompress. Those teenage years can be rough enough without being able to just chill with your own thoughts. Plus, the 14 year old is gonna want some privacy for "other" things... You can only go to the bathroom or take a shower so many times a day without it looking strange.
Well one things for almost certain: that boy is going to have no relationship with his father. And his dad is going to wonder what happened.
Not just the dad. He won't be having much of a relationship with mom either if she keeps enabling his asshole of a dad.
Load More Replies... "Centuries Out Of Date Man" perhaps? Honestly, anyone coming out with those words should be told bye-bye and left as fast as you can go. Children need doors from a much earlier age than this.
Load More Replies... Why is she upset he isn't sleeping with her? Seems like that would be her bonus gift for doing right by her kid
I have a super controlling step dad and grew up in exactly this situation. I used to get dressed in my closet. Literally. It was just one in a long list of damaging things from my childhood that I'm still recovering from 2 decades later. My experience was a clear case of a mother choosing her relationship over her children's well being. This situation though, seems like abuse and I really hope this woman has the support she needs and can find the strength to kick him to the curb.
What kind of parent thinks a teenage boy shouldn't have privacy? I could maybe see if the kid did something to lose privacy privileges for a short time- but a 14 year old boy deserves an age appropriate amount of privacy
I think privacy in this context should be a right, not a privilege. It makes me shudder every time I hear of doors being taken off children's rooms. I can't see what action leads to that being an appropriate consequence? I don't have kids myself, so I don't fully understand what it is like, so I am really clueless at times :) I hope that didn't come out wrong, I know you do understand a teen's right to privacy.
Load More Replies... There's a very important lesson for the son in here... about the limits of a man's authority in his own home. When he's wrong, he's wrong, even if he is the "man of the house", and sometimes it's right to "disrespect his authority". The OP should discuss this with the son at an appropriate time, ask him which is more important in a family or in general... maintaining authority, or admitting you're wrong when you're wrong.
The 'Man of the house' thing needs leaving in the past. Any one individual thinking that they ultimately authority over all the others in the house? No. Makes me feel sick.
Load More Replies... When I was in highschool I was friends with a girl whose bible-thumping jerk of a father wouldn't let her close her bedroom door, I guess in case she got up to anything Sinful. She's a grown woman now and so paranoid about her privacy that she refuses to own a smartphone. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a connection, sigh.
This dude need some balls, to face himself. My nonexisting kids would have a door and a functional key for it. So you see here, when you take privacy away from your kid, all you get is trust issues and insecurities.
"I grew up up hard and hated it so I'll do it to my kid, too!" I used to think that parents wanted better for their children but they don't. They are determined to see their kids suffer just like they did. Generations of abuse.
I'm always appalled that people can't look at their childhood and go 'right, I hated that and it was harmful'. If you can't, maybe don't have children.
Load More Replies... I think it's great that the husband is now sleeping in another room. Now the wife gets some privacy too.
Husband sounds like he was raised in religious control-freak family, and he's perpetuating the unhealthy cycle. Either the husband learns to stop being such a backwards a-hole, or you hire a divorce lawyer and fight for full custody. A Guardian Ad Litem and a Judge would not look kindly on this, it would be viewed as mentally and emotionally unhealthy for the child's wellbeing and development. I wonder what other weird and crazy 18th century Mormon rules dad likes to impose.
I was very close to my mother, and discipline was very strict. But come on, she was strict, she wasn't a nut case. What kind of parent doesn't allow their kid their own life? You don't trust your own kid enough to let them shut a door? Then you failed as a parent.
Even my husband n I have our own private areas in our home. we share a bedroom. But we respect each others privacy despite being married and it being normal to share everything. It's not healthy to share every part of your life with someone. Not even your kids. Especially when they're teenagers. If you take away someone's right to privacy they're just going to find other ways to get it. Kids need structure... but they also need space to become their own person and to teach them that they're not trustworthy is only going to lead down a very negative path. That's a very unhealthy way to raise a child. My dad n I were SO close n I told him EVERYTHING. he was my best friend. He always gave me my privacy n respected it n in turn it created a very honest, open n trusting relationship for us both. I willingly shared my life w/ him n it's because he gave me the option to. We didn't have secrets. We never lied to him. But had he done the opposite I probably would have never been so close w/ him
Been there. Lived that. I was the teenage daughter getting dressed in my closet and counting down the days until I could get the f out of that house.
Load More Replies... People like this husband shouldn't be trusted with children. Actually, they shouldn't be trusted even with a guinea pig, if you don't want it to end up with massive mental health problems.
Omg. I heard that my grandfather was raised with 10 other children in a home without doors. But that was over 100 years ago. It was messed up then. It's still a messed up thing to do.
It's insane! I never heard of any child or teenager not having his own room with a door and privacy.
Honey, just throw out the whole damn man and get the kid the Hell out of there
The fact is, everyone needs privacy at times. The door should have been there from the get go. There could have been rules about when it could and could not be open, but it needed to be there. Believe me, your husband's behavior will drive a huge wedge between him and his son. Just because the hubby was raised that way, does not mean it was the right way. When it comes to raising kids, there are very few "one size fits all" rules.
When someone starts with "It's how I was raised" then odds are they were not raised well.
NTA but your husband is. Exactly what kind of "authority" does he think he has that exceeds yours? How does your son get any privacy when dressing and undressing? Does he have to hide in the closet or bathroom? WTH? I wonder if he would have tried that same nonsense if you had a teenage daughter instead of a son? He isn't just being controlling, he is being abusive and even sounds a bit narcissistic. It seems like he thinks not sleeping together is punishing you. Remember that when he decides he wants sex! Tell him no. How he responds to that will tell you exactly what kind of person he is.
I certainly know what I was getting up to in my room at 14. Hint: "Getting up" was an intentional pun. Remember: If your teenage son is doing that in his room, then he's NOT out there somewhere getting some teenage girl knocked up.
She did make the wrong decision. She should have got a new door to lock his dad off.
Growing up, I had zero privacy and none of my boundaries had ever been respected. I have almost no relationship with my mother, developed extreme trust issues and I'm so obsessive with my privacy and so protective of my belongings, that my best friend of over 20 years can count on a hand how many times she's been in my house. As you can imagine, my relationships don't work out too well, I'm single af and will need therapy for the rest of my life. DO NOT F*****G DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! We are not your property!
I just can’t believe a situation like this exists and the woman thinks buying a door without approval might be the problem, and not the glaring red flags of an authoritan elder husband who terrorizes his family.
We moved in a bigger flat when i was 12 and my sister 17 in order to have separate rooms for us, the daughters.No locks on those doors, but my parents always knocked, asking if we can open our doors to talk to each other.Yeah, also my mom talked to us about sexual education when we were 13 yo.(Now i am 51.)
Drop the husband. He toxic. And abusive father. Haven't talk to mines in over 20 years.
Husband is a complete AH. Abusive too. I'd have divorced him long time ago so my kid wasn't exposed to his toxic masculinity. And EVERYONE deserves privacy.
If he wants control give it to him. Ask him what is for dinner, how to cook it , how should you clean , what should you clean, what to buy for groceries, and so on. Let him know he is not that much in control as controlling. If he doesn't trust you and your son he should leave to be in total control. Tell him sorry he was raised with no trust, but you want better for your child.
That dad is violating some serious privacy. Poor kid. My dad’s taken off my door for short periods of time if I slam it, but it’s horrifying that this kid’s dad didn’t let him have a door. Teenagers deserve the same amount of respect as adults do, and we need our privacy and space.
I have never seen a bedroom without a door. Live in mid-west USA.
my dad used to do this. I had to hide in a corner away from the door to get changed because hed make me get changed while he was in direct line of sight to the door. My family was...yikes.
Some commentors are really focussing on the age gap and I don't think that's the problem. My parents were only three years apart in age and he was abusive and disrespectful and acted similar to this (and yes, she did leave him, taking us along). It has to do with respect and parent equality in the home. Major red flags!
I live in Norway and i never heard of such a thing! I never burst into my son’s room uninvited after he turned 12. Kids learn respect by being given respect!
OMG the boy should have had his door from the age of 6 if not sooner. If not for anything else then at least for noise cancelling (I cannot imagine me doing my homework and hearing all the noises from the house in their full force-someone else watching the TV in the living room, food mixers, etc. also a boy needs a space where he can change clothes without feeling embarrassed that mommy is watching him. I think the OP should have first announced to the husband that she is getting a door for the kid, not ask for a permission, just announce it so that the father is not surprised. but I can imagine he would have tried to stop her from doing it
I mean are houses in the US build without doors? In my country we have doors on every room. small kids sleep in the parents bedroom, but older kids when they can sleep alone they have a room and a door from the start, maybe not locks, but for sure there is a door
Load More Replies... So weird. My siblings and I always had doors and when we hit puberty my sister and I got locks. Maybe because we were good kids and our parents trusted us but this is so odd. If you are worried about what your kid may do you can always knock and enter
I have read similar posts on Reddit, and I was gobsmacked at how many people thought that teenagers shouldn't have doors on their bedrooms. Some people thought it was ok to take a door away as a punishment if a teenager did something wrong. There is no way to be delicate about this - teenagers are raging masses of hormones and they want to wank constantly. To not allow them a safe, private place to do that is sick and wrong. Teenagers are not children. Give them privacy. If they want a lock on their door, let them have one. Leave them alone
"This it what it'll take him to be a man"? "This is how I was raised"? Congrats, you married a regressive asshole. My father grew up in a messed up family environment and thankfully he never pulled the :this is how I was raised" BS.
I can’t get rid of the nagging thought that Daddy may be peeping on his son, and not letting him have a door to close on his room just makes it easier. I also can’t get rid of the “what it takes for [his son] to be a man”. Exactly HOW does it make him a man? Or do you have plans to make him a man, Daddy, and what exactly are they? Hmmm? You sick f**k. I shudder to think what would’ve already happened if they’d had a daughter instead of a son. Cripes. Yeah, Mom needs to grow a pair, and she and her Son need to boot Daddy out of the house. She then needs a kick-ass lawyer to help her get custody, a ginormous settlement, the house, the car, and an enormous monthly amount of child support—-hell, even alimony if their state still allows it. She also needs to keep the balls she grows, because controlling men like that asshole do not give up trying to weasel their way into the house and back into control.
I don't agree with the father's action, but I also think there is something seriously wrong with people who see child sexual abuse everywhere. You need help
Load More Replies... First of all, I think this whole story is BS. That being said, even if this story IS real, I think Dad has some major issues that he's trying to pass onto his son.
PS: Why do I get the feeling that Dad is a Trump supporter?
Load More Replies... I grew up in a situation very much like this. I had a door but my mother would come in whenever she wanted to and go through my stuff. Her logic, in the loosest sense of the word, was "if you don't have anything to hide you won't mind me looking." The comment that said you raise great liars was absolutely right. I am one heck of an actor but I learned by lying to my parents in a believable way. And by the way, I never had anything to hide. I read the books I wasn't allowed to read at home at school because if she caught me with my friend's Fear Street books she would have burned them.
so nta! and, this man has some serious control issues. makes me wonder what other kind of control he has exerted to the point that this woman is second guessing her decision over a door. think it is time for the woman to re-evaluate the whole of the relationship with the man rather than re-evaluate her decision over the door.
The luxury of a whole door... why do I have to hear you bickering in the kitchen? Disgusting husband and it doesn't help when women marry people like that
I can't help but wonder where this family lives. In the US, it's not at all acceptable to leave a child in a room without a door. If anything, there's an element of fire safety. But to be exerting such strict controls is demanding, controlling and bullying. Children do need some privacy, should be allowed some privacy. I'd be scared how else the father is mistreating or even abusing the son. What kind of monster wants such ultimate control over their child, it makes no sense, it's terrifying to be so emotionally and physically controlling.
Don't houses come with doors? Like who the hell takes a door off! I mean it's just practical having a door... what if you're making a lot of noise and your kid is trying to sleep?
Or you're trying to sleep and your kid is making a lot of noise :D
Load More Replies... And how did humans survive all these millennia prior to our typical single-family dwellings with all this room we now have to live in?!
seriously, how the f**k do y'all marry such garbage of people??? that's like every other post that I'm wondering how are these neanderthals still married... women are masochists
I honestly went into this with an open mind. My teenage sister had her door removed after breaking some serious rules (leading to dangerous and legal situations) so I was willing to see what the Dad's motivation was. Did he have a valid reason for this? Unfortunately he did not. While I believe that certain levels of respect and freedom are earned, I also firmly believe we should all be granted a certain level of humanity. Essentially we give reasonable privileges to our kids based on age and level of maturity and then remove those privileges if they are violated. And then they need to be earned back. Instead, this dad has blessed his son with original sin. 😂 He is already punished for a myriad of possible behaviors. The second scary thought is how does he punish him when he DOES do wrong....
I’m going to be the unpopular one and say she shouldn’t have gotten a door behind her husband’s back. NOT because her kid didn’t deserve a door, but because it’s a big decision and shouldn’t have been made covertly. Should have been more like “I’m getting him a door. It will be installed tomorrow.” And have the fight out then, not after the fact. The kid needs a door. The husband is a jerk, but it’s not good to make one-sided decisions like that.
But the husband made the original, one-sided, crazy decision!
Load More Replies... His wife, his partner in marriage and child-rearing “disrespected his authority”? He’s a power freak and a misogynist. I only hope her son can eventually get over being raised by him.
I find it odd that if the son wants to masturbate, the dad wants to have viewing access. Because that's ultimately exactly what this boils down to. Leave him, or you WILL be the asshole.
He's obviously the asshole, but I noticed something else that I found funny by reading the comments. All the people saying it doesn't matter if he was in an abusive home or how he was raised and that there is no excuse. So when people act who were abused and act out or cause issues people on this site especially always say to give them a chance or to show compassion. so no compassion here for him?
I have compassion for the dad in that I think he deserves and hope he gets therapy for his very disordered thinking. I do not feel any compassion for him in a way that excuses his behavior. I lived with an abusive person. He was abused as a child. I felt great compassion for him, and constantly excused his behavior. It got worse and worse and until I was afraid for my life. We should want abusers to get help to become healthier, but our compassion should never extend to tolerating abusive behavior. It is dangerous and perpetuates cycles of abuse.
Load More Replies... I don't think you have a high enough level of education to know what goes on behind the door.
Load More Replies... In a healthy relationship she should have talked to him. But this is not, this is clearly an abusive man. She did right. Now what she needs ti do behind his back is file for divorce and custody.
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