Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post Search
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

“I Couldn’t Believe My Eyes”: Woman Returns Home To A Wrecked House, Moves Into Hotel Until Husband Cleans His Mess
1.1K

“I Couldn’t Believe My Eyes”: Woman Returns Home To A Wrecked House, Moves Into Hotel Until Husband Cleans His Mess

ADVERTISEMENT

Coming up with a fair division of household duties is a delicate subject for many couples. While all you need to do is split all the tasks in two, the reality is a bit more complicated. Perhaps you wind up taking the bulk of the domestic load, or your partner simply doesn’t pull their weight. Then annoyances over dirty laundry and unwashed dishes inevitably build up and spiral into heated arguments that leave you resentful. And sometimes, it even leads to a downright chore war that leaves partners no choice but to lunge into battle.

One such case is what happened to Redditor Limp-Cryptographer26, who recently shared her story with the AITA community. As the 36-year-old woman detailed in her post, she left the house sparkling clean before going on a trip with her kid, just to make things easier for her husband who picked up a lot of overtime while they were away.

But after a smooth-sailing week at camp, she was shocked to return to a wrecked house. The wife got so fed up being the one cleaning up after her hubby that she gave an ultimatum that seemed to have strained their marriage. Scroll down for the full story, as well as some reactions from readers, and then let us know in the comments what you think about the situation.

After this woman went on a camping trip with her child for a week, she cleaned the entire house to make things easier for her husband

Image credits: Yusuf C (not the actual photo)

But when she returned home, she was appalled by the level of mess he made while she was away

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Limp-Cryptographer26

For busy couples who juggle work, chores, and kids, arguments can come from any direction. But while we imagine that the typical topics of relationship troubles such as infidelity or money problems are the primary bones of contention, this story proves it’s not always that dramatic. Partners sometimes get upset about the little things, like who does the dishes or takes out the garbage. While it may seem petty, these issues can add up and lead to built-up resentment that fractures the foundation of the marriage.

According to a survey from Yelp and OnePoll, 80% of chore-doing people living with a partner have disagreements about housework, with one-fifth of those saying they disagree often. The survey consulted 2,000 American adults who live with a partner and was split evenly between men and women. It found that the most common disputes revolved around when to do the housework (53%), how to do it (50%), and who should do it (48%). Moreover, 61% even admitted they’d cleaned the home again after their partner did.

To gain more insight on the issue from an expert, we reached out to Eileen Head, a transformational coach who aims to help people to shift their mindset and release old beliefs, blocks, and patterns to create the love they desire. According to her, the wife was absolutely right to leave the house after her husband neglected all household duties. “And as a matter of fact, taking this stand is crucial to this relationship, for both of them to create a loving and connected relationship,” Head told Bored Panda.

ADVERTISEMENT

However, the coach also pointed out that when couples enter the territory of household chore battles, the issues have little to do with who should be vacuuming the kitchen or loading the dishwasher. “What couples fight about is not really what they are fighting about,” Head said. “There is usually an underlying issue of needs not being met. So, this is much deeper than the house being a wreck.”

While conflicts about household chores are common and often lead to even more squabbles, resentment, and feelings of disrespect, it is how these arguments are handled that matters most. “Without knowing more about this couple, has this been an ongoing issue? This is not about who is TA here but more about how they are responding to the needs of each other and resolving this current conflict in a loving way.”

“At a deeper level, how your partner handles your needs is translated into emotional needs of value, worthiness and feeling loved,” Head added.

Later on, the user jumped to the comments to clarify some details about the situation

ADVERTISEMENT

Coach Head mentioned that studying the Enneagram (any-a-gram) personalities will help you to understand “why cleanliness may be a high value for one person and feeling controlled by their partner with this need. This might be part of what is going on with the husband.”

“Patterns get set up in relationships and can be effective…and can also be dysfunctional. There can be patterns of parent/child relationships where one person is more responsible than the other.”

Speaking of the situation in question, the fact that the household chores are generally shared equally sounds positive. But Head argued that when her husband refused to acknowledge that the house was left clean and now is a mess, and then complained that it wasn’t that bad — it shows a lack of maturity. “Then saying that with their agreement, she should now help with her 50% to clean it up is not taking responsibility. Her 50% entailed leaving the house clean in the first place and even precooking meals for him!”

“Concerning for me is seeing that he didn’t even do the few tasks she had asked…watering the garden and sending out the package. This shows me a lack of disregard for his wife,” the coach said. “Has this been a pattern that has been overlooked in the past?”

Tackling chores in a relationship can be an ongoing struggle, but thankfully, there are ways to create a shift in the couple’s dynamics. “Someone needs to change the pattern, and she did that by going to a hotel. I hope that she stood her ground, but if she caved, that would put them back into the revolving pattern unless he apologized and claimed responsibility,” Head noted. “Husbands who love, value and respect their partner would not behave in this way.”

ADVERTISEMENT

“Many couples struggle with these seemingly insignificant challenges in relationships which often accumulate. When coaching clients, I interpret for them, based on their Enneagrams, what’s important and why, and how each person feels emotionally loved and valued,” Head concluded.

And here’s how the readers reacted after reading the story

Share on Facebook
You May Like
Popular on Bored Panda
Join the conversation
Add photo comments
POST
jenclarkbar avatar
rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

katri-in-nz avatar
Aroha
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

Load More Replies...
gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That level of mess is an adult temper tantrum. He needs to grow up and get a grip on reality. Also, he is clearly testing boundaries with the spouse.

jefflum avatar
Jeff Lum
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

What level of mess? Nobody saw a picture. The picture in this article isn't their house lol.

Load More Replies...
drenner47 avatar
Staysafewarmdry
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend. She and her daughter went on a ten day trip, leaving the house to her husband and son. On the sixth day, a neighbor peered through a window to see if anybody was home and saw that the house was in a shambles. Thinking it had been broken into and ransacked, he called the police. Embarrassingly, the father and son admitted they were going to clean up their messy housekeeping just before wife and daughter got home. It is now part of family lore!!!

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg wow. I hipe they did clean up before wife and kid came home. I can fully imagine how disappointed and angry the mom would be, especially disappointed.

Load More Replies...
stephanyvanalstyne avatar
Stephany Van Alstyne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly think half of the AITA posts are just people looking for attention. Who in their right mind would think this woman was somehow in the wrong. Now I have to ask AITA? Haha

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Who in their right mind would think this woman was somehow in the wrong?" You'd be surprised. A LOT of people still see housework as the wife's main responsibility and anything the husband does as "help" that she should be humbly grateful for.

Load More Replies...
petergargano avatar
Pg130
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

M 54. Definitely NTA. Unbelievable that he could not, at the very least, water the plants and send the package. Moreover, if it was my SO that went, the house would have been just as she had left it. It is simply common courtesy. That said, some households have both adults working. Others have a stay at home parent. Sometimes couples share responsibilities at home and sometimes the SAH parent does the lion's share of the tasks. There is no right or wrong way IMHO as long as both are happy with the arrangement. I do believe that a SAH parent's responsibilities need to be curtailed based on the age(s) and number of children under their care. I watched our 3 daughters on occasion and let me tell you it IS A JOB! I did not appreciate it as much until I did it a few times. It is a 24/7 JOB. And the SAHP needs a break too. Wish I had learned that lesson earlier. I had a great time with the kids but it was exhausting!

ellieeaton avatar
potato
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA hes a b***h who can't take care of your home who is probably a mysogynist.

zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the guy suffer a stroke to come up with a stunt like this? Or has he maybe always been a helpless man child and she somehow put up with this for over 10 years? I don't for a second believe that someone who normally does 50% of the household chores would even get an idea like this.

rhodabike6 avatar
zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! was married for several yrs and it didn't take me long to realize that his mom had always done things for him. well, i was not his mom. he would leave things all over and only pick things up if i threw a fit about it. but, if he wanted to "surprise" me by cleaning the house and i left my keys on the counter he just about vapor locked. he would also not put his clothes in the hamper but on the floor. so, got him a personal hamper set up on his side of room. still on the floor. finally, i stopped picking up and washing them as well as washing any dish not found in the kitchen. can't say that it fixed the problem totally but did see a bit of improvement.

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Umm, i would not pick up any of his clotges that lie on the floor. Jus tpush them to a corner, be it for a week or for month. He can either start puttting them where they bel0ng or throw them away and buy new ones everytime. Thats just sounds as if he doesn't care about you opinion muvh. My curremt husband does alot of these things stilly nonmatte rho many times i tell him. I can sa yit made me crazy, and he just doecare about some untidyness. At least could learn to out his clothes to the place i want them to be. Planning to leave him in a month, after work contract is finished. We dont have kids, so its not too hard for me. I cant stamd his childishness anymore, the fact that he makes me feel like he doesnt care enough to try and make me happy. Its not hard to make me happy. Im not a demanding person.ive had enough to give an dgive and give, always go over my feelings to make it work with us, while he runs away when it comes anywhere near a discussion.

Load More Replies...
findgretta avatar
I'mNotARoboat
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gah that's infuriating! I have to deal with this on some level as well. It's not my job to unpack the cooler that you brought it into your office/gaming room so you wouldn't have to stop and come out every time you want another beer. You brought the cooler in and it's your job to rinse it the bottles, put the ice packs back in the freezer, and put the cooler away. I didn't make or partake in any of that. It's one thing when you come home from a sailing trip, I'll do it because you're tired and I don't want it sitting there until you deal with it. But it's not my job to clean up after you even if you think I signed up for being a "housewife". I didn't, I'm a stay at home mum on maternity leave about to have our second so no, I'm not a GD maid. Clean up your own s**t. I know this example sounds petty but it's just one little thing on another until it's a big pile of disrespect. (Edit: things are better. After reconnecting with one of his friends who also has kids, he's realised he need to step up. We're both working on communication so it is a two way street. But yeah we want to work as a team and he's fully on board now.)

stephaniegoadsby avatar
Stephanie Goadsby
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How did he even have the time to make a mess if he was working so much overtime? Hmm...

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good question. It could only be some dishes and some dirty clothes after a week. Maybe untidy bed. Just little things here and there that should be pretty easy and fast to clean up. And he didnt have to cook either, just waem it up in microwave probably.

Load More Replies...
jennifernewton_1 avatar
jenjie.newt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my gosh this recently happened to me - had to house sit my parents' house for a month. Left my house spotless, a small list of basic instructions (water the plants and pet bowls). Got home and it looked like a bomb had gone off. I left my parents' house spotless, their animals and gardens in perfect shape, and came home to a week of work just to fix whatever my husband had done

natassjamoore avatar
Natassja Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I woukd do the same thing tbh. My husband does the LAUNDRY. 4 peoples laundry, maybe 2 or 3 times a month, and then complains when the house is a wreck. Lmao

stephaniedowns avatar
NotTodaySatan!!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well if it is as bad as she implies, she is NTA. But I'm wondering if he now feels the cost of a hotel room was as ridiculous as the cost of someone to clean? Lol

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haha, calling someone to clean for a few hours would definitely have been so muvh cheaper.

Load More Replies...
sweetsarah226 avatar
Zinti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she cleaned the house before she left, and he cleans it when she gets back, that's 50/50

melinda_flick avatar
Melinda Flick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband did this to me. I took all 3 kids to go visit his parents of Easter one year. I came home to a house nearly this bad. I sat and cried, and he got SUPER embarrassed and did a quick clean up. It wasn't to my standards, but at least he did it, even though he waited until after I got home. It did put a good dent in our marriage for quite a while.

christiennewbury avatar
Chrissyfox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother lives with us and he is the messiest person I've ever met. His bedroom looks like a hoarder lives there. If my husband and I go on holiday or away for the weekend I have to phone ahead and give our eta arriving home. I always deduct an hour or so to give him a chance to at least get the vacuum cleaner out. My daughter has told me that in the past she has popped in for some reason and the house has looked like a bomb site. She's even warned him to get it sorted before we get home. But he pays for most of the family groceries and is always willing to look after and feed the cats. But really, there's no excuse for living in a pig sty. SMH.

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No matter what he pays, its just so disrespectful to mess up the whole house and not clean it up before u get home. He can mess up HIS room, but not the place where everyone else lives and eats. Friggin common sense

Load More Replies...
cwa92464 avatar
cwa92464
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amazing how not 1 woman has been on the other side of s**t like this in ALL of these xxxx screwed over by insensitive xxxx. haha

chyoh2001 avatar
de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its hard to choose from a unch of lazy big babies. Ther3s maybe 1 from 10 guys who has basic common sense when it comes to cleaning and chores( and many things come to light later afte remarriage. And usually they are basically taight like this form chilhood. They see mothers and sisters, mothers of friends, movies and so on, where its usually woman who clean and cook. Some fatjersy brothers or friends even will say you are unmanlx if you fdo chores. So unfortunately, we woman have to teach them otherwise, and its not an easy task, maybe will not bear many fruits. But you can definitely teach YOUR sons to br good human beings. So the neyt generation gets better and better

Load More Replies...
terezacervenakova avatar
Tereza Cervenakova
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just... I don't understand. If he's doing so much overtime as OP thinks, than he's not even there to make a mess. I would expect dirty laundrey and some dirty cups and plates at worst. This sounds as if he had a party or something...

joyceblodgett avatar
Joyce Blodgett
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

skitenoir avatar
millac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect the ADHD systems collapsed without the stabilizing other person. Which happens. Everything went to seed and got bigger than he could handle, to the paralyzing point. He needed someone to at least start him on tackling it ("body doubling" is an ADHD thing, where they can tackle a boring activity if someone is nearby, also doing it. I'd bet they are each other's body doubles). He probably could have handled it with last minute panic brain, but she got home first, before that state could trigger. Her leaving escalated things from just being dirty, to full on rejection. Now it's not about him being a slob, it's about their marriage. So they're in a standoff because she's saying "if you love me, and want to stay married, you will clean the house" and he's saying "you obviously don't love me, if this is all it takes to end it. I'm not cleaning, come back while it's dirty or you never loved me". The ADHD "rejection dysphoria" (a real thing) has taken over and is going to get ugly

arikeeper avatar
Ari Keeper
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

williamsmith_8 avatar
William Smith
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm with no-swimming3599: I'd question why she, or ANY grown woman for that matter, going to a camp with a 11yo. That's just a #HeToo waiting to happen...veal.

angieignacio_84 avatar
Angie Ignacio
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are you really going there! Can you not read? Did you not read the part where she mentions that they have both taken turns in taking him camping since he was 6 because they are both busy with their jobs? Or do you just love assuming s**t without an ounce of evidence. Are you also going to say #Hetoo when the father takes his son for their next camping trip or is this comment only reserved for the mother? But at the same time, what is wrong with a parent/ mother taking their kid camping? Next thjng you will be talking about #Hetoo when his mother takes him to the grocery shop or traveling to a forwign country on vacation. Such ignorance.

Load More Replies...
sweetseve avatar
SweetsEve
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think she's an AH, but that has to be traumatic for a kid to come home from his camping and mom is mad, packing them up, and heading to a hotel. What's the 11 year olds perspective? Are they stressed over the fight? May they think they caused it with their camping trip? Do they want to go home? Making these kinds of points is harder with children involved.

aislingraye avatar
Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's an 11 year old human child, not a chihuahua. I'm sure the kid has been in trouble for not cleaning their room before. It's reasonable to believe that an 11 y/o could see the similarities between getting in trouble for not cleaning their room for a week and their Dad being in trouble for not cleaning up the house for a week.

Load More Replies...
dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish OP had painted a more vivid picture of how bad the living room and kitchen were. With the amount of messiness I am imagining, I rule ESH. He let her down by not sending the package and watering the poor plants (I hope they didn't die). But OP turning around from home and staying at a hotel is a passive aggressive (perhaps just plain old aggressive!) countermove that I think gauges deeper wounds in what might already not be the warmest relationship. She didn't communicate with him where she was, she just took the child and went to the hotel to punish him. It was the silent treatment, which isn't healthy. It probably made the husband worry for the safety of OP and the child that they were late. It's saying, "I don't want to see you after being away from you, I would rather separate," with the knowledge that divorce can follow separation. For ll I know, the husband smeared poop over the entire living room and kitchen, making the house a biohazard, so I can't judge for 100% certain.

lorih47 avatar
Lori w
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, she should have talked to him first. If he didn't pick up, leave a clear message about the issue. This is also parental alienation. I wonder if dad was talked to at all while they were at camp. Sounds like he feels left out. I have a spouse who does less than half the housework. Sometimes I'll send reminder texts if theres something that'll upset me when I get home. Like hey please make sure the trash is out and the dishes are done. It's not full proof, but it helps- both him to get it done, and it helps me not to stew on issues.

Load More Replies...
jefflum avatar
Jeff Lum
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Literally nobody knows what the house looks like and is taking the word of a random person on the internet without any evidence and only hearing one side of the story. AITA is easily in the top 5 worst subreddits.

sarajohnson avatar
Sara Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't realize Scouts were so wussy now that they required parents to go to camp with an 11 year old. I started going to summer camp, BY MYSELF, when I was 7. By 11 I traveled out of state alone to a camp.

kboyle-topete avatar
Kristine Boyle-Topete
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Things have changed a great deal over the last few decades, especially in the Scouts. I was a Girl Scout myself for 10 years and I’ve been a part of the Boy Scouts with both my sons for almost 20. I’ve seen so many changes over that time and it’s not a matter of scouts getting “wussy” it has become a matter of youth protection. With so many issues coming to light over the last several years, BSA has put into place new policies in an attempt to prevent them occurring again. There is a requirement for “two deep leadership” meaning no youth is allowed one-on-one contact with an adult leader, unless it is their own parent; all involved adults are mandated to take youth protection training every two years; and there is a specified youth/adult ratio for camping and other outings. I attended camp the last two years with my son, who was 16 and then 17, because the number of boys in our troop going to camp required three registered adults to attend for the week.

Load More Replies...
shtghfcftsjhrrsrii avatar
Asif
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Why is BP relying on Reddit for content? I can just go to Reddit. At least compile a bunch of the best if you're going to just plagiarise their content.

carag avatar
Cara G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. They do it all the time and nobody is obligated to read it. 2. It is only plagiarism if the original source/author is not credited, which it is.

Load More Replies...
helentaylor avatar
Helen Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

One thing I wonder. If he put in a lot of overtime while you were gone, how much overtime? If he had an 80 or 90 hours a week, some help cleaning up the mess would be appropriate. Here working overtime was not that serious that he should have at least gotten around and straightened, picked up, watered your plants, and mailed your package.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had just one person to pick up after. Himself. She cleaned the house before she left, so basically he just had to wash his dishes and maybe clean the toilet. That's it.

Load More Replies...
slapshot avatar
Slap Shot
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

So, AFTER she went on a camping trip she cleaned the house? I looked at the picture and could see she didn’t do a very good job!

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Woosh! She cleaned BEFORE the camping trip. It's right there in the text. He left the house a mess.

Load More Replies...
jenclarkbar avatar
rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

katri-in-nz avatar
Aroha
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

Load More Replies...
gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That level of mess is an adult temper tantrum. He needs to grow up and get a grip on reality. Also, he is clearly testing boundaries with the spouse.

jefflum avatar
Jeff Lum
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

What level of mess? Nobody saw a picture. The picture in this article isn't their house lol.

Load More Replies...
drenner47 avatar
Staysafewarmdry
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend. She and her daughter went on a ten day trip, leaving the house to her husband and son. On the sixth day, a neighbor peered through a window to see if anybody was home and saw that the house was in a shambles. Thinking it had been broken into and ransacked, he called the police. Embarrassingly, the father and son admitted they were going to clean up their messy housekeeping just before wife and daughter got home. It is now part of family lore!!!

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg wow. I hipe they did clean up before wife and kid came home. I can fully imagine how disappointed and angry the mom would be, especially disappointed.

Load More Replies...
stephanyvanalstyne avatar
Stephany Van Alstyne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly think half of the AITA posts are just people looking for attention. Who in their right mind would think this woman was somehow in the wrong. Now I have to ask AITA? Haha

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Who in their right mind would think this woman was somehow in the wrong?" You'd be surprised. A LOT of people still see housework as the wife's main responsibility and anything the husband does as "help" that she should be humbly grateful for.

Load More Replies...
petergargano avatar
Pg130
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

M 54. Definitely NTA. Unbelievable that he could not, at the very least, water the plants and send the package. Moreover, if it was my SO that went, the house would have been just as she had left it. It is simply common courtesy. That said, some households have both adults working. Others have a stay at home parent. Sometimes couples share responsibilities at home and sometimes the SAH parent does the lion's share of the tasks. There is no right or wrong way IMHO as long as both are happy with the arrangement. I do believe that a SAH parent's responsibilities need to be curtailed based on the age(s) and number of children under their care. I watched our 3 daughters on occasion and let me tell you it IS A JOB! I did not appreciate it as much until I did it a few times. It is a 24/7 JOB. And the SAHP needs a break too. Wish I had learned that lesson earlier. I had a great time with the kids but it was exhausting!

ellieeaton avatar
potato
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA hes a b***h who can't take care of your home who is probably a mysogynist.

zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the guy suffer a stroke to come up with a stunt like this? Or has he maybe always been a helpless man child and she somehow put up with this for over 10 years? I don't for a second believe that someone who normally does 50% of the household chores would even get an idea like this.

rhodabike6 avatar
zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! was married for several yrs and it didn't take me long to realize that his mom had always done things for him. well, i was not his mom. he would leave things all over and only pick things up if i threw a fit about it. but, if he wanted to "surprise" me by cleaning the house and i left my keys on the counter he just about vapor locked. he would also not put his clothes in the hamper but on the floor. so, got him a personal hamper set up on his side of room. still on the floor. finally, i stopped picking up and washing them as well as washing any dish not found in the kitchen. can't say that it fixed the problem totally but did see a bit of improvement.

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Umm, i would not pick up any of his clotges that lie on the floor. Jus tpush them to a corner, be it for a week or for month. He can either start puttting them where they bel0ng or throw them away and buy new ones everytime. Thats just sounds as if he doesn't care about you opinion muvh. My curremt husband does alot of these things stilly nonmatte rho many times i tell him. I can sa yit made me crazy, and he just doecare about some untidyness. At least could learn to out his clothes to the place i want them to be. Planning to leave him in a month, after work contract is finished. We dont have kids, so its not too hard for me. I cant stamd his childishness anymore, the fact that he makes me feel like he doesnt care enough to try and make me happy. Its not hard to make me happy. Im not a demanding person.ive had enough to give an dgive and give, always go over my feelings to make it work with us, while he runs away when it comes anywhere near a discussion.

Load More Replies...
findgretta avatar
I'mNotARoboat
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gah that's infuriating! I have to deal with this on some level as well. It's not my job to unpack the cooler that you brought it into your office/gaming room so you wouldn't have to stop and come out every time you want another beer. You brought the cooler in and it's your job to rinse it the bottles, put the ice packs back in the freezer, and put the cooler away. I didn't make or partake in any of that. It's one thing when you come home from a sailing trip, I'll do it because you're tired and I don't want it sitting there until you deal with it. But it's not my job to clean up after you even if you think I signed up for being a "housewife". I didn't, I'm a stay at home mum on maternity leave about to have our second so no, I'm not a GD maid. Clean up your own s**t. I know this example sounds petty but it's just one little thing on another until it's a big pile of disrespect. (Edit: things are better. After reconnecting with one of his friends who also has kids, he's realised he need to step up. We're both working on communication so it is a two way street. But yeah we want to work as a team and he's fully on board now.)

stephaniegoadsby avatar
Stephanie Goadsby
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How did he even have the time to make a mess if he was working so much overtime? Hmm...

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good question. It could only be some dishes and some dirty clothes after a week. Maybe untidy bed. Just little things here and there that should be pretty easy and fast to clean up. And he didnt have to cook either, just waem it up in microwave probably.

Load More Replies...
jennifernewton_1 avatar
jenjie.newt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my gosh this recently happened to me - had to house sit my parents' house for a month. Left my house spotless, a small list of basic instructions (water the plants and pet bowls). Got home and it looked like a bomb had gone off. I left my parents' house spotless, their animals and gardens in perfect shape, and came home to a week of work just to fix whatever my husband had done

natassjamoore avatar
Natassja Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I woukd do the same thing tbh. My husband does the LAUNDRY. 4 peoples laundry, maybe 2 or 3 times a month, and then complains when the house is a wreck. Lmao

stephaniedowns avatar
NotTodaySatan!!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well if it is as bad as she implies, she is NTA. But I'm wondering if he now feels the cost of a hotel room was as ridiculous as the cost of someone to clean? Lol

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haha, calling someone to clean for a few hours would definitely have been so muvh cheaper.

Load More Replies...
sweetsarah226 avatar
Zinti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she cleaned the house before she left, and he cleans it when she gets back, that's 50/50

melinda_flick avatar
Melinda Flick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband did this to me. I took all 3 kids to go visit his parents of Easter one year. I came home to a house nearly this bad. I sat and cried, and he got SUPER embarrassed and did a quick clean up. It wasn't to my standards, but at least he did it, even though he waited until after I got home. It did put a good dent in our marriage for quite a while.

christiennewbury avatar
Chrissyfox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother lives with us and he is the messiest person I've ever met. His bedroom looks like a hoarder lives there. If my husband and I go on holiday or away for the weekend I have to phone ahead and give our eta arriving home. I always deduct an hour or so to give him a chance to at least get the vacuum cleaner out. My daughter has told me that in the past she has popped in for some reason and the house has looked like a bomb site. She's even warned him to get it sorted before we get home. But he pays for most of the family groceries and is always willing to look after and feed the cats. But really, there's no excuse for living in a pig sty. SMH.

de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No matter what he pays, its just so disrespectful to mess up the whole house and not clean it up before u get home. He can mess up HIS room, but not the place where everyone else lives and eats. Friggin common sense

Load More Replies...
cwa92464 avatar
cwa92464
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amazing how not 1 woman has been on the other side of s**t like this in ALL of these xxxx screwed over by insensitive xxxx. haha

chyoh2001 avatar
de_rose21 avatar
Rozah Skizzer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its hard to choose from a unch of lazy big babies. Ther3s maybe 1 from 10 guys who has basic common sense when it comes to cleaning and chores( and many things come to light later afte remarriage. And usually they are basically taight like this form chilhood. They see mothers and sisters, mothers of friends, movies and so on, where its usually woman who clean and cook. Some fatjersy brothers or friends even will say you are unmanlx if you fdo chores. So unfortunately, we woman have to teach them otherwise, and its not an easy task, maybe will not bear many fruits. But you can definitely teach YOUR sons to br good human beings. So the neyt generation gets better and better

Load More Replies...
terezacervenakova avatar
Tereza Cervenakova
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just... I don't understand. If he's doing so much overtime as OP thinks, than he's not even there to make a mess. I would expect dirty laundrey and some dirty cups and plates at worst. This sounds as if he had a party or something...

joyceblodgett avatar
Joyce Blodgett
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

skitenoir avatar
millac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect the ADHD systems collapsed without the stabilizing other person. Which happens. Everything went to seed and got bigger than he could handle, to the paralyzing point. He needed someone to at least start him on tackling it ("body doubling" is an ADHD thing, where they can tackle a boring activity if someone is nearby, also doing it. I'd bet they are each other's body doubles). He probably could have handled it with last minute panic brain, but she got home first, before that state could trigger. Her leaving escalated things from just being dirty, to full on rejection. Now it's not about him being a slob, it's about their marriage. So they're in a standoff because she's saying "if you love me, and want to stay married, you will clean the house" and he's saying "you obviously don't love me, if this is all it takes to end it. I'm not cleaning, come back while it's dirty or you never loved me". The ADHD "rejection dysphoria" (a real thing) has taken over and is going to get ugly

arikeeper avatar
Ari Keeper
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

williamsmith_8 avatar
William Smith
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm with no-swimming3599: I'd question why she, or ANY grown woman for that matter, going to a camp with a 11yo. That's just a #HeToo waiting to happen...veal.

angieignacio_84 avatar
Angie Ignacio
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are you really going there! Can you not read? Did you not read the part where she mentions that they have both taken turns in taking him camping since he was 6 because they are both busy with their jobs? Or do you just love assuming s**t without an ounce of evidence. Are you also going to say #Hetoo when the father takes his son for their next camping trip or is this comment only reserved for the mother? But at the same time, what is wrong with a parent/ mother taking their kid camping? Next thjng you will be talking about #Hetoo when his mother takes him to the grocery shop or traveling to a forwign country on vacation. Such ignorance.

Load More Replies...
sweetseve avatar
SweetsEve
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think she's an AH, but that has to be traumatic for a kid to come home from his camping and mom is mad, packing them up, and heading to a hotel. What's the 11 year olds perspective? Are they stressed over the fight? May they think they caused it with their camping trip? Do they want to go home? Making these kinds of points is harder with children involved.

aislingraye avatar
Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's an 11 year old human child, not a chihuahua. I'm sure the kid has been in trouble for not cleaning their room before. It's reasonable to believe that an 11 y/o could see the similarities between getting in trouble for not cleaning their room for a week and their Dad being in trouble for not cleaning up the house for a week.

Load More Replies...
dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish OP had painted a more vivid picture of how bad the living room and kitchen were. With the amount of messiness I am imagining, I rule ESH. He let her down by not sending the package and watering the poor plants (I hope they didn't die). But OP turning around from home and staying at a hotel is a passive aggressive (perhaps just plain old aggressive!) countermove that I think gauges deeper wounds in what might already not be the warmest relationship. She didn't communicate with him where she was, she just took the child and went to the hotel to punish him. It was the silent treatment, which isn't healthy. It probably made the husband worry for the safety of OP and the child that they were late. It's saying, "I don't want to see you after being away from you, I would rather separate," with the knowledge that divorce can follow separation. For ll I know, the husband smeared poop over the entire living room and kitchen, making the house a biohazard, so I can't judge for 100% certain.

lorih47 avatar
Lori w
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, she should have talked to him first. If he didn't pick up, leave a clear message about the issue. This is also parental alienation. I wonder if dad was talked to at all while they were at camp. Sounds like he feels left out. I have a spouse who does less than half the housework. Sometimes I'll send reminder texts if theres something that'll upset me when I get home. Like hey please make sure the trash is out and the dishes are done. It's not full proof, but it helps- both him to get it done, and it helps me not to stew on issues.

Load More Replies...
jefflum avatar
Jeff Lum
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Literally nobody knows what the house looks like and is taking the word of a random person on the internet without any evidence and only hearing one side of the story. AITA is easily in the top 5 worst subreddits.

sarajohnson avatar
Sara Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't realize Scouts were so wussy now that they required parents to go to camp with an 11 year old. I started going to summer camp, BY MYSELF, when I was 7. By 11 I traveled out of state alone to a camp.

kboyle-topete avatar
Kristine Boyle-Topete
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Things have changed a great deal over the last few decades, especially in the Scouts. I was a Girl Scout myself for 10 years and I’ve been a part of the Boy Scouts with both my sons for almost 20. I’ve seen so many changes over that time and it’s not a matter of scouts getting “wussy” it has become a matter of youth protection. With so many issues coming to light over the last several years, BSA has put into place new policies in an attempt to prevent them occurring again. There is a requirement for “two deep leadership” meaning no youth is allowed one-on-one contact with an adult leader, unless it is their own parent; all involved adults are mandated to take youth protection training every two years; and there is a specified youth/adult ratio for camping and other outings. I attended camp the last two years with my son, who was 16 and then 17, because the number of boys in our troop going to camp required three registered adults to attend for the week.

Load More Replies...
shtghfcftsjhrrsrii avatar
Asif
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Why is BP relying on Reddit for content? I can just go to Reddit. At least compile a bunch of the best if you're going to just plagiarise their content.

carag avatar
Cara G
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. They do it all the time and nobody is obligated to read it. 2. It is only plagiarism if the original source/author is not credited, which it is.

Load More Replies...
helentaylor avatar
Helen Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

One thing I wonder. If he put in a lot of overtime while you were gone, how much overtime? If he had an 80 or 90 hours a week, some help cleaning up the mess would be appropriate. Here working overtime was not that serious that he should have at least gotten around and straightened, picked up, watered your plants, and mailed your package.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had just one person to pick up after. Himself. She cleaned the house before she left, so basically he just had to wash his dishes and maybe clean the toilet. That's it.

Load More Replies...
slapshot avatar
Slap Shot
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

So, AFTER she went on a camping trip she cleaned the house? I looked at the picture and could see she didn’t do a very good job!

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Woosh! She cleaned BEFORE the camping trip. It's right there in the text. He left the house a mess.

Load More Replies...
Popular on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda