“Am I The [Jerk] For Not Giving Up My “Man Cave” To Accommodate My Mother-In-Law?”
Everyone needs their own corner. A place where you can relax, recharge, and be yourself. A place where you set the rules and nobody intrudes.
So when Reddit user u/needmyspaceaita had built himself such a space, he wasn’t willing to let go of it. Even if it meant having a marital conflict.
You see, his wife demanded the man give up his “man cave” so that her mother could move in with them. u/needmyspaceaita tried to compromise but the couple couldn’t reach an agreement.
After the whole thing blew into a huge argument, he made a post, explaining the whole situation and asking whether or not he’s being too stubborn.
Continue scrolling to learn exactly what had happened.
Image credits: nesgoomba (not the actual photo)
Relationship coach Jessica Brighton thinks that talking it through is pretty much the best thing partners can do when they see eye to eye on all but one thing.
“The key to a resolution becomes communication and the concept of picking your battles,” she told Bustle. “You need to have an extensive conversation to discuss your feelings and where each of you stands on the issue. If you determine that you are still unable to find common ground, then a compromise and agreeing to disagree may be your best plan of action.”
Brighton noted that nothing is perfect, but it’s necessary to focus on the positive and reframe your outlook if you want to stay together.
“We all have to deal with negative issues and unpleasant situations in the other avenues of our lives,” she said. “Why deal with one more in your personal life? If you determine that the positives in your relationship outweigh the negatives, I suggest you embrace the positivity and happiness that your relationship brings you and focus less on the one negative issue.”
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However, finding a way to express your concerns to one another can be difficult. This is where clarity becomes crucial, as you don’t want your partner to focus their emotional energy on a counterargument to something you didn’t suggest. According to Catherine E. Aponte, Psy.D, it’s all about taking a beat to think over what you want before bringing it up.
“Being able to be clear about your specific take [something] and being able to clearly state your wishes or concerns is important to finding a workable compromise,” Dr. Aponte told Fatherly.
“Each of you wants to be able to express what you want to happen. Each of you is willing to explain why what you want to do is important to you. Each should give the other the opportunity to express his or her preference, without interruption.”
So if you find yourself in a similar predicament, the best course of action is to keep talking. Not calling each other nasty names.