“AITA For Telling My Husband His Name Suggestion For Our Unborn Baby Is Idiotic At Best?”
Giving your baby a name is a hard decision that will have life-long consequences, so you have to consider all the connotations the name has, how it can be shortened, what nicknames it has, what other people have that name, and so on.
But sometimes parents love a name so much, they don’t even realize how many problems it could bring to their child. A future mother shared her frustrations on Reddit about how her husband is ignoring the fact his chosen name will make people associate his kid with a serial killer and got offended by his wife’s resistance, so she asked if she was the delusional one after explaining the situation.
More info: Reddit
Picking a name for your child is hard because because of all the connotations it can have, like reminding people of a serial killer
Image credits: Bruna Rabello (not the actual photo)
The original poster is a 35-year-old woman who is expecting a baby. She finally got pregnant with her 37-year-old husband after trying for a decade while trying to combat infertility and experiencing miscarriages, so the couple is very excited.
Being pregnant is not a field trip, but there are more relaxing activities like dreaming about what the baby will be like, what kind of person they will grow up into or what their interests will be. There is also a lot of time to think about what name you would like to call them and what nicknames they could have.
Image credits: [deleted]
It is not unusual to search for names in the family and give children their grandparents’ name. This family was planning on doing just that as the husband really loved his grandfather and unfortunately, he passed away a week before the OP wrote this story.
Grandpa’s name was Theodore and it’s a name that would work both for a boy and if it’s a girl, she would be named Theodora. The problem is that the family’s last name is Bounde, which is pronounced [bun-dee]. Just like the infamous and feared serial killer Ted Bundy.
This future mom was talking about names with her husband and unfortunately, his beloved grandpa died recently
Image credits: [deleted]
Ted Bundy is a pretty-well known name, but if you’re confused why it is not great for a kid to have a name resembling this particular one, then you should know that that man kidnapped, assaulted and murdered about 30 women. At least that’s how many he confessed to, but police suspect that the number might be higher.
He operated in seven states in the US between 1974 and 1978 and he actually had a pleasant face and was considered charismatic, so he had no trouble luring in his victims. However, his nature was much more cruel and he even kept some of his victims’ heads in his apartment as trophies.
Judging from the comments under the post, and there were nearly 5k of them, people still know this name and the first thing that comes to mind after hearing the name is the serial killer. He is so well known that there are quite a few movies made about him.
Somehow the husband didn’t see the issue with it because in his mind, the most important Teddy Bounde was his grandfather, and his child would just be named after him. However, the wife was convinced that others won’t perceive it that way because the only Ted Bundy they know is the one that killed people.
That made the husband think they should honor him by giving the grandpa’s name to their baby
Image credits: [deleted]
The problem was that the grandpa’s name was Theodore and the child’s last name would be Bounde, which is pronounced the same way as Bundy, the serial killer
Image credits: [deleted]
The wife’s resistance only showed the husband that she hates his grandpa, even though she just wanted people to not associate her child with a really cruel criminal. What is more, the husband’s family was on his side and wanted the child to have the beloved grandpa’s name.
Luckily, at least the OP’s parents are on her side and understand the consequences that such a name could have on this baby because who will stop and think of any other reason parents would give their child a name that sounds just like the infamous killer’s?
The wife protested the name but the husband got mad that she hated his grandpa, which was not the case at all
Image credits: Fort George G. Meade Public Affairs Office
Finally, the husband got some sense put into him when even his brother who loved his grandpa as much as him started saying the same thing
Image credits: [deleted]
The wife kind of lost her patience and told her husband that his suggestion is “idiotic at best, sociopathic at worst” which didn’t help him see her point and made him think that his wife hated the person who he adored so much. That is why the OP thinks that she might have been the jerk in the situation.
Redditors didn’t think that and very well understood that it would be wrong to make it seem that a child was named after a serial killer, even if that was not the case, because nobody would care about the true origin of it. Kids and even adults get bullied for more normal names than this one, so if it can be avoided, the future mom has to stand her ground and enlighten her husband and his family about how serious this is.
Image credits: [deleted]
The couple found out the baby will be a boy, so they decided to still honor the husband’s grandpa but give their son his middle name, Silas
Image credits: [deleted]
In an update we found out that the story had a happy ending and to avoid such fights in the future, the couple decided to try out marriage counseling
Image credits: [deleted]
It seems that she succeeded in doing this because the OP posted a happy update. Turns out, her husband talked to his brother and SIL who managed to explain to him that a name can have a huge effect on someone’s life, especially because they also live in the area where the crimes took place, where the killer was arrested and then even broke out of prison.
The OP guesses that her husband just needed to hear that from someone who loved his grandpa as much as he did and who was grieving as painfully. After that, they both apologized to each other for the way they spoke and agreed to go to marriage counseling, as well as grief counseling to learn to deal with the loss of a loved one, because it was probably the pain that clouded the husband’s judgment.
Image credits: [deleted]
In the end, in order to pick a name, the couple decided to find out the baby’s gender even though they didn’t plan to, however, it was necessary at that point. When they got the news that it’s a boy, the parents both agreed that they would still honor the grandpa by giving their child his middle name, which was Silas.
We would like to know if you would have agreed to name your child Teddy Bounde or you would feel too uncomfortable about the similarity to the serial killer’s name? Do you think the mom was being too dramatic and inconsiderate? Or was she too soft in her tone? Let us know the thoughts you had while reading the comments!
My reacher has a corgi named grandpaw. The twist? Shes female.
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Yeah, sorry to her husband, but all parties involved need to agree. Adolf, Atilla, and Donald used to be perfectly acceptable names, as well, but things change. Although, I guess Atilla is still popular in some parts of the world.
Silas is a great name. Happy to hear you guys are trying to work through it all.
Every (involved) parent should have veto power when naming their child
NTA, both parents need to agree on the name of their child! Calling the name idiotic might not have been the most diplomatic way of putting her foot down but if he can't get the message any other way, it's a totally understandable reaction. Seperate from that, regarding the grief counseling her husband has asked her to attend with him (where she said she's sure it will make her more compassionate towards his loss), I don't think it's necessary and I don't think it would help. It doesn't sound like compassion was the problem, the problem was that he insisted on a name that was an absolute no for so long that she blew up.
Oh my God NTA. How could your husband not understand why a name that is literally Ted bundy wouldn't go over well?
Love is a very strong emotion and many times we just don't see 'it'.
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Nice to read one of these stories on here that actually has some sort of healthy solution.
I was going to say the same thing. This is one AITA story where there are actual arguments for both parties (grief does mess with one's head and heart) and people solve things like responsible adults.
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That's what I was thinking...Ted Bundy went by Ted or Theodore but never Theo.
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Just call him Theo or Theodore and don’t shorten it to Ted/Teddy. Or use it as a middle name if it’s so concerning that others might make the association. I think this seems to have been blown out of all proportion. Couples should be able to discuss issues like this and come to an agreement, it’s hardly a catastrophic problem.
You have obviously never talked to any kids with horrible names. Even as adults theyre massively annoyed at best. Even if they dont get bullied, the "really thats your name?" "Yes really. I know." Yadda yadda conversation that will have pretty much every single time they introduce themselves to anyone, gets really f*****g old once youve had it about a hundred times. Easier just to not name your kid like a stripper, or a murderer or with 3 x in the name or with a silent y or something.
Load More Replies... Honoring your loved ones is great, just not at the cost of like 12+ years of misery for your child. Get a tattoo or something, alter your own life, not your childs. Silas is a pretty cool name though, and not so old-fashioned that it sounds weird.
..... grief can really be a bit derailing to deal with....silas is a cool name.....
I’m sorry but even as I read the name, without woman explaining why she doesn’t like it, my first thought was Ted Bundy. It’s a bad idea
It’s so selfish to not think past YOUR own emotions. I would’ve had so many nicknames in middle school for this. I knew a kid named Fuel because his dad wanted a moto x racer. It’s all he cared about and now he drives a tow truck. Poor kids
You can name the baby Amadeus or Theofilus. It has the same meaning. Funny anecdote:. I learned in a music course that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart preferred to sign his letters to some friends as "Theofilus" instead of Amadeus
those are great names........ if you want the kid to get bullied like hell
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Well, for once seems like reason, eventually has won. Also, could have given the kid Theodore as a middle name. Flip grandpa's first and middle, everybody is happy.
Silas Theodore Bounde would make a pretty cool name took, just saying.
I was going to suggest making it his/her middle name, but it seems it all worked out in the end. I don’t blame her for not wanting to name her child after a serial killer even if that wasn’t the intent
"My husband and I are pregnant" I cringed reading this. Girl, YOU are pregnant, and YOU will give birth, also YOU will breastfeed... Anyway, if HE is pregnant too, according to your testimony, let him name the child something as idiotic as your sentence. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
why don't they just call the kid theo bounde? It doesn't sound anything like ted bundy
This is one of the best AITA stories I've read on here. I really appreciate that she came back with the update and resolution. She was kinda the AH for being so insensitive. Using grandpa's middle name seems like the obvious solution they could have come to sooner. Great to hear they're going to counseling. I think this all worked out in the end. Also, I highly doubt it's illegal to name your kid Ted Bundy. I don't know if there are any laws about naming kids in the US.
It depends by state. There was a guy who was prevented from naming his kid Adolf but I can't remember the specifics
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My great aunt married a guy with the last name of Gacy many years ago, and they had a son in 1955 and named him John. After 1978 or 1979, his name became a huge problem for him - so much so that at about 25, he had to start going by his middle name. He lost job opportunities, was harassed by his neighbors because they thought he might related, and eventually he had to move out of Illinois. I think that if this situation can be avoided, it should be avoided.
Teddy is a really cute name, but with that last name, absolutely no way
That's an unfortunate last name, to be pronounced completely different to how it looks at first. Spend your whole life correcting people from saying 'bound'
They could have given him Theodore as a second name.... By the way: I live in Germany and here it is practically forbidden to name a Baby Adolf or Hitler.
What if your family name is/was Hitler? Did every German or Austrian with that family name, change it?
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My children have middle names that are dedicated to family members who meant a lot to me - I wanted my children to have their own names - I'm not sure I would like to be named after someone -would get too confusing at family events - I struggle to get names right as it is, if there were more than one person with the same name I'd get so confused
Ur not the AH. He's just grieving. Give him the benefit of the doubt
I swear when I first read this, I thought it said "unicorn baby."
Dear Theodora, what to say to you ... you have my eyes, you have your grandfather's name ...
If you never call the kid Ted/ Teddy and stick with Theo as a nickname, I don't really see it being an issue. Sure, there will probably be a few people who pick up on the name but how many people are going to hear "Theodore Bounde, call me Theo" and go to Ted Bundy? I don't really see this as that big of a problem. Feels like maybe there's more going on, as evidenced be the marriage counseling.
Once again proving 90% of these issues can be resolved satisfactorily by open, honest communication.
I always like the AITA where people actually sit down and realize it's not always about the problem they think they have, but a lot of other dominoes that fell to get them to this point. That they not only talked it out but are dealing with counseling is a good sign for their relationship going forward esp bringing in a new human to their family.
Is it common in the US to remember serial killers after so many decades?
The last name, as written, does not make me think of Ted Bundy. If you were going by Teddy or Theo, it's something I would only think of for a passing second, if that. His friends in college may come up with an obnoxious nickname like "serial" or "cereal" that he will probably cherish if it's good-natured and hilarious. Otherwise it's fine. The last name is different enough to not sell the serial killer vibe.
Sorry but the way the wife handled it was not right. Telling him the name is idiotic because to her it is just of some stranger who had the same name who was a serial killer while to the husband that name has a huge amount of meaning. I can see why he felt so hurt by what was said. In the end, I am glad you came to an agreed name which sounds wonderful. I hope the counselling helps as I think you need to learn how to talk with respect towards one another and not bring one another down.
That name may have a lot of meaning to a husband but the child is the one who actually has to live (date, graduate, job-hunt, among other things) with it. And kids are cruel, I can pretty much guarantee someone will pick up on this. If the husband isn’t willing to give up the name for the sake of his future’s kid peace and happiness, he isn’t ready to be a parent.
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My reacher has a corgi named grandpaw. The twist? Shes female.
Load More Replies... Yeah, sorry to her husband, but all parties involved need to agree. Adolf, Atilla, and Donald used to be perfectly acceptable names, as well, but things change. Although, I guess Atilla is still popular in some parts of the world.
Silas is a great name. Happy to hear you guys are trying to work through it all.
Every (involved) parent should have veto power when naming their child
NTA, both parents need to agree on the name of their child! Calling the name idiotic might not have been the most diplomatic way of putting her foot down but if he can't get the message any other way, it's a totally understandable reaction. Seperate from that, regarding the grief counseling her husband has asked her to attend with him (where she said she's sure it will make her more compassionate towards his loss), I don't think it's necessary and I don't think it would help. It doesn't sound like compassion was the problem, the problem was that he insisted on a name that was an absolute no for so long that she blew up.
Oh my God NTA. How could your husband not understand why a name that is literally Ted bundy wouldn't go over well?
Love is a very strong emotion and many times we just don't see 'it'.
Load More Replies... Nice to read one of these stories on here that actually has some sort of healthy solution.
I was going to say the same thing. This is one AITA story where there are actual arguments for both parties (grief does mess with one's head and heart) and people solve things like responsible adults.
Load More Replies... That's what I was thinking...Ted Bundy went by Ted or Theodore but never Theo.
Load More Replies... Just call him Theo or Theodore and don’t shorten it to Ted/Teddy. Or use it as a middle name if it’s so concerning that others might make the association. I think this seems to have been blown out of all proportion. Couples should be able to discuss issues like this and come to an agreement, it’s hardly a catastrophic problem.
You have obviously never talked to any kids with horrible names. Even as adults theyre massively annoyed at best. Even if they dont get bullied, the "really thats your name?" "Yes really. I know." Yadda yadda conversation that will have pretty much every single time they introduce themselves to anyone, gets really f*****g old once youve had it about a hundred times. Easier just to not name your kid like a stripper, or a murderer or with 3 x in the name or with a silent y or something.
Load More Replies... Honoring your loved ones is great, just not at the cost of like 12+ years of misery for your child. Get a tattoo or something, alter your own life, not your childs. Silas is a pretty cool name though, and not so old-fashioned that it sounds weird.
..... grief can really be a bit derailing to deal with....silas is a cool name.....
I’m sorry but even as I read the name, without woman explaining why she doesn’t like it, my first thought was Ted Bundy. It’s a bad idea
It’s so selfish to not think past YOUR own emotions. I would’ve had so many nicknames in middle school for this. I knew a kid named Fuel because his dad wanted a moto x racer. It’s all he cared about and now he drives a tow truck. Poor kids
You can name the baby Amadeus or Theofilus. It has the same meaning. Funny anecdote:. I learned in a music course that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart preferred to sign his letters to some friends as "Theofilus" instead of Amadeus
those are great names........ if you want the kid to get bullied like hell
Load More Replies... Well, for once seems like reason, eventually has won. Also, could have given the kid Theodore as a middle name. Flip grandpa's first and middle, everybody is happy.
Silas Theodore Bounde would make a pretty cool name took, just saying.
I was going to suggest making it his/her middle name, but it seems it all worked out in the end. I don’t blame her for not wanting to name her child after a serial killer even if that wasn’t the intent
"My husband and I are pregnant" I cringed reading this. Girl, YOU are pregnant, and YOU will give birth, also YOU will breastfeed... Anyway, if HE is pregnant too, according to your testimony, let him name the child something as idiotic as your sentence. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
why don't they just call the kid theo bounde? It doesn't sound anything like ted bundy
This is one of the best AITA stories I've read on here. I really appreciate that she came back with the update and resolution. She was kinda the AH for being so insensitive. Using grandpa's middle name seems like the obvious solution they could have come to sooner. Great to hear they're going to counseling. I think this all worked out in the end. Also, I highly doubt it's illegal to name your kid Ted Bundy. I don't know if there are any laws about naming kids in the US.
It depends by state. There was a guy who was prevented from naming his kid Adolf but I can't remember the specifics
Load More Replies... My great aunt married a guy with the last name of Gacy many years ago, and they had a son in 1955 and named him John. After 1978 or 1979, his name became a huge problem for him - so much so that at about 25, he had to start going by his middle name. He lost job opportunities, was harassed by his neighbors because they thought he might related, and eventually he had to move out of Illinois. I think that if this situation can be avoided, it should be avoided.
Teddy is a really cute name, but with that last name, absolutely no way
That's an unfortunate last name, to be pronounced completely different to how it looks at first. Spend your whole life correcting people from saying 'bound'
They could have given him Theodore as a second name.... By the way: I live in Germany and here it is practically forbidden to name a Baby Adolf or Hitler.
What if your family name is/was Hitler? Did every German or Austrian with that family name, change it?
Load More Replies... My children have middle names that are dedicated to family members who meant a lot to me - I wanted my children to have their own names - I'm not sure I would like to be named after someone -would get too confusing at family events - I struggle to get names right as it is, if there were more than one person with the same name I'd get so confused
Ur not the AH. He's just grieving. Give him the benefit of the doubt
I swear when I first read this, I thought it said "unicorn baby."
Dear Theodora, what to say to you ... you have my eyes, you have your grandfather's name ...
If you never call the kid Ted/ Teddy and stick with Theo as a nickname, I don't really see it being an issue. Sure, there will probably be a few people who pick up on the name but how many people are going to hear "Theodore Bounde, call me Theo" and go to Ted Bundy? I don't really see this as that big of a problem. Feels like maybe there's more going on, as evidenced be the marriage counseling.
Once again proving 90% of these issues can be resolved satisfactorily by open, honest communication.
I always like the AITA where people actually sit down and realize it's not always about the problem they think they have, but a lot of other dominoes that fell to get them to this point. That they not only talked it out but are dealing with counseling is a good sign for their relationship going forward esp bringing in a new human to their family.
Is it common in the US to remember serial killers after so many decades?
The last name, as written, does not make me think of Ted Bundy. If you were going by Teddy or Theo, it's something I would only think of for a passing second, if that. His friends in college may come up with an obnoxious nickname like "serial" or "cereal" that he will probably cherish if it's good-natured and hilarious. Otherwise it's fine. The last name is different enough to not sell the serial killer vibe.
Sorry but the way the wife handled it was not right. Telling him the name is idiotic because to her it is just of some stranger who had the same name who was a serial killer while to the husband that name has a huge amount of meaning. I can see why he felt so hurt by what was said. In the end, I am glad you came to an agreed name which sounds wonderful. I hope the counselling helps as I think you need to learn how to talk with respect towards one another and not bring one another down.
That name may have a lot of meaning to a husband but the child is the one who actually has to live (date, graduate, job-hunt, among other things) with it. And kids are cruel, I can pretty much guarantee someone will pick up on this. If the husband isn’t willing to give up the name for the sake of his future’s kid peace and happiness, he isn’t ready to be a parent.
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