Woman Doesn’t Attend Party Because She Has To Study For Exam, Petty Husband Makes Sure She Misses Her Exam Too
Those last few weeks in university can be grueling. Cramming all night for exams, downing coffee and energy drinks like they’re water and just trying to stay afloat. Most students have to put their personal lives on the backburner during that time, because the priority becomes getting through all of the tests. Worries about having a social life can come after the degree is in your hand. Unfortunately for one woman, her husband seemed to forget that the hectic schedule of exam season is only temporary.
This woman, CharlieOutlaw23 on Reddit, recently explained how her husband sabotaged her the night before an important exam by changing her alarm. She wanted to get some outside opinions on whether or not she did anything wrong in the situation, so below, you can read the full story and decide for yourself. Then if you’re interested in another Bored Panda piece about drama between spouses, check out this story next.
One woman recently shared the story of how her husband sabotaged her the morning of a big exam
Image credits: javier trueba (Not the actual photo)
The husband said that he changed the alarm to get back at his wife for the night before
Image credits: Fa Barboza (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: CharlieOutlaw23
One would think that a husband would do everything in his power to ensure that his wife succeeded in her exams. He should understand what she is going through and be supportive of her goals. He could have made her breakfast and coffee before her exam and sent her out the door with an encouraging note telling her that he knows she’s going to kill it. There are many ways this husband could have shown his love and support on this day, but instead he chose immaturity. Not only did he nearly hurt his wife’s future, he hurt her feelings and damaged their relationship. By exercising this kind of manipulative behavior, this husband made it clear that what he really wants is control of his wife.
A controlling relationship is a dangerous situation to be in, but it generally does not happen overnight. Small changes happen overtime, and then suddenly your husband is holding you captive and telling you that missing your exam was something you deserved. And as therapist Cynthia Catchings told Talkspace, “We have to remember that control is not always accompanied by fear or force. It can also be present in subliminal ways.” Cynthia explained that partners sabotage one another for various reasons, including a lack of trust, insecurity, jealousy, and feeling threatened. “Culturally, we see that some men do not like to see their partner succeed or move up,” she notes.
But just because it’s common does not make this kind of behavior acceptable. “Recognizing the sabotage is just the first step. Avoiding making excuses for our partner’s negative behavior is the second one,” Cynthia says. And if it escalates, you might need to seek professional help and remove yourself from the relationship altogether. In the case of this woman on Reddit, she was so close to being done with university, all her husband needed to do was wait a few days. But the fact that he lashed out at her for staying home to study for an evening is extremely concerning. I hope that she makes it clear that this behavior will not be tolerated in the future, because no one should be manipulated by their partner like that.
Readers are warning the woman that seeing this kind of manipulative behavior from her husband is a bad sign and that he will likely get worse in the future
Forget the exam. Forget the alarm clock. Focus on your future. Your husband is a controlling, childish, petty abuser who has no respect for your marriage or your autonomy. He doesn't respect your feelings, efforts, or needs. He simply does not love you. He sees you as less than human and something to be used and manipulated according to his juvenile whims. You know what you need to do. Listen to your instincts and get out now before things get worse because they will.
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OK, in addition to my "What the af is wrong with this guy?????" I would like to ask: What the AF is wrong with women who actually wonder if this could still be any of their fault??? Like except for marrying this complete piece of waste?
I said it once and I'll say it again: sometimes age doesn't matter, but most times it does. Married at 21 and 25: too young. That's it. Now some will reply "I married my husband straight out of elementary school, we raised 12 kids, all rocket scientist and we cannot be happier!" Well, good for you; you're the exception, not the rule. 21, at this day and age, in my opinion, is too young to be married.
agreed. i married my husband when i was 20, knew i would marry him when i was 14. we've been married for 25+ years, but i know we are a fluke. most people don't even know themselves, let alone what they want out of life or a partner, until their late 20's at least. it takes a special bond and a lot of luck to be able to marry young and continue to be together as you change and grow.
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That's a divorceable offense, no spouze should EVER EVER EVER sabotage the other. It is a betrayal of trust. They're supposed to have your back not stab you in it
exactly, I couldn't agree more. and the fact he acted like he's the victim makes the whole thing even worse, that's blatant gaslighting right there.
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He was pissed off at her for being busy... for two whole weeks. Of course, making someone miss an exam is an a*****e move. But the fact that he can't manage to chill for two whole weeks... he must be partying a lot. He won't be able to handle her doing overtime, and forget about having kids. And "his friends will be upset if I'm not there" - really??
It's only gonna get worse. He did this all because you wouldn't go to a party with him, then had the audacity to be appalled that you got angry and called YOU selfish.. Let that sink in. You may want to reconsider this marriage.
I don't understand why the university thinks that "My husband deliberately turned off my alarm clock because he was mad I didn't go to a party" isn't a valid reason for being late?
Part of it is that we, the profs, have to use our personal time to make accommodations. We can't "just" give a makeup exam or extra credit. Someone has to write those exam questions, someone has to come up with the extra credit, someone has to rush to mark them so grades are turned in on time. Someone doesn't get paid for all of that. So if a half-dozen students have valid reasons for being late -- ran out of gas, husband is a POS, whatever -- we don't have valid pay or time to do all of the makeup assignments. The university also can't get involved with personal relationships at this level, even if both were students. You'd be amazed at what we have to do to get some help to a queer student with a homophobic, abusive parent at home, for one example.
Load More Replies... Let's consider what a good husband would be doing? Supporting her. But instead of being proud of her for working hard and finishing her education he's upset because she skipped a party to study. He's not only abusive he's a complete moron for not recognizing this amazing lady in front of him who is working to make their lives better and he's prioritizing partying....
I've now done multiple grad programs, including a PhD. My husband cooked meals, moved countries, went to mixers and socials, and can describe my methodology as well as I can. We both recognize that sometimes one or the other of us gets busy for a few weeks or months, and the other picks up the slack, and then we plan something fun when a term is over or a project turned it. What he'd never do is have a childish temper tantrum and sabotage me in any way. There is no excuse for Manbaby Husband's behavior here, at all.
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Punishment like this should not be part of a loving relationship, it is abusive revenge. Had she gone to the party he wouldn't have let her leave after an hour, he would have made her stay until he was ready to go home. I don't like recommending divorce, but OP needs to really think if this is how she wants to live for the rest of her life. She will constantly be treading on eggshells, fearful of what her punishment will be next time her husband is displeased with her. Run girl, finish your degree, graduate and enjoy life.
OMG he is completely insane and toxic. Divorce him now before you get another degree, you don't want to owe him any money. What else would he do to get back at you?
JFC, where do these OP's find these husbands and why do they marry them??? holy cow.
Unfortunately, some of them start out as really nice guys. It took me a year to realize that the guy I was dating was actually a bully, and I'm in the Social Security age group.
Load More Replies... My ex did something similar to me, when I started excelling in college courses. He sabotaged my term paper hours before it was due, claiming he wanted to "help me format" it. I can still see the asinine little smirk on his face while I panicked, realizing that my weeks of work was gone. I should have dumped him then. When someone who claims to love you does something to "punish" you, to deliberately hurt you, get out. Leave. Go. Salt the earth.
What is wrong with all of these men that sabotage their wives because she didn't want to attend some party with them because of school or work. They act like these parties are the biggest event of the year and are super important. She is absolutely not the a-hole and needs to file for divorce. Ladies, if your man has tantrums because you can't go to a party with them, he will probably do something like this.
no one does that to a friend or an equal. Ergo he doesn't like you or he doesn't respect you. Go find nicer people, you are worth that very much :)
I'm guessing she thought he was 'the love of her life', or might have been pressured to marry by family. Or she is just someone who thinks getting married as early as possible is a good thing.
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The lady in the OP is in a relationship with a "me, me, ME, ME!!!" misogynist *sociopath*. She needs to get out of that relationship immediately. >:(
OMG SO NTA!! Husband had every right to have had her wrath brought upon him! What he did was pretty much unforgivable and childish. He put his petty needs for having a good time before her education. IF their marriage is still intact, there definitely needs to be MANY changes taking place. Good luck to her
It depends on the extent and duration she had checked out of the relationship to focus on school. You really can't put a marriage on hold because it's inconvenient, so if she has spent the past months/ year(s) doing nothing to add to the relationship, while ignoring her husband telling her she needs to give some effort and attention, then I can see husband getting to the snapping point and feeling 100% justified in sabotaging what she's chosen over him/them. Kind of like how if you ignore a pet or a child for too long, they start destroying things. If this was a single thing, I'd agree he was controlling. But she says he has been begging and badgering for her time for a long time, so I'm leaning towards both of them being at fault.
He is afraid you will surpass and outgrow him so he is sabotaging you. Get out.
Your husband needs to be in the dog house. And I can probably say that he is not interested in the future inasfar as advancing in life.
Forget the exam. Forget the alarm clock. Focus on your future. Your husband is a controlling, childish, petty abuser who has no respect for your marriage or your autonomy. He doesn't respect your feelings, efforts, or needs. He simply does not love you. He sees you as less than human and something to be used and manipulated according to his juvenile whims. You know what you need to do. Listen to your instincts and get out now before things get worse because they will.
Load More Replies... OK, in addition to my "What the af is wrong with this guy?????" I would like to ask: What the AF is wrong with women who actually wonder if this could still be any of their fault??? Like except for marrying this complete piece of waste?
I said it once and I'll say it again: sometimes age doesn't matter, but most times it does. Married at 21 and 25: too young. That's it. Now some will reply "I married my husband straight out of elementary school, we raised 12 kids, all rocket scientist and we cannot be happier!" Well, good for you; you're the exception, not the rule. 21, at this day and age, in my opinion, is too young to be married.
agreed. i married my husband when i was 20, knew i would marry him when i was 14. we've been married for 25+ years, but i know we are a fluke. most people don't even know themselves, let alone what they want out of life or a partner, until their late 20's at least. it takes a special bond and a lot of luck to be able to marry young and continue to be together as you change and grow.
Load More Replies... That's a divorceable offense, no spouze should EVER EVER EVER sabotage the other. It is a betrayal of trust. They're supposed to have your back not stab you in it
exactly, I couldn't agree more. and the fact he acted like he's the victim makes the whole thing even worse, that's blatant gaslighting right there.
Load More Replies... He was pissed off at her for being busy... for two whole weeks. Of course, making someone miss an exam is an a*****e move. But the fact that he can't manage to chill for two whole weeks... he must be partying a lot. He won't be able to handle her doing overtime, and forget about having kids. And "his friends will be upset if I'm not there" - really??
It's only gonna get worse. He did this all because you wouldn't go to a party with him, then had the audacity to be appalled that you got angry and called YOU selfish.. Let that sink in. You may want to reconsider this marriage.
I don't understand why the university thinks that "My husband deliberately turned off my alarm clock because he was mad I didn't go to a party" isn't a valid reason for being late?
Part of it is that we, the profs, have to use our personal time to make accommodations. We can't "just" give a makeup exam or extra credit. Someone has to write those exam questions, someone has to come up with the extra credit, someone has to rush to mark them so grades are turned in on time. Someone doesn't get paid for all of that. So if a half-dozen students have valid reasons for being late -- ran out of gas, husband is a POS, whatever -- we don't have valid pay or time to do all of the makeup assignments. The university also can't get involved with personal relationships at this level, even if both were students. You'd be amazed at what we have to do to get some help to a queer student with a homophobic, abusive parent at home, for one example.
Load More Replies... Let's consider what a good husband would be doing? Supporting her. But instead of being proud of her for working hard and finishing her education he's upset because she skipped a party to study. He's not only abusive he's a complete moron for not recognizing this amazing lady in front of him who is working to make their lives better and he's prioritizing partying....
I've now done multiple grad programs, including a PhD. My husband cooked meals, moved countries, went to mixers and socials, and can describe my methodology as well as I can. We both recognize that sometimes one or the other of us gets busy for a few weeks or months, and the other picks up the slack, and then we plan something fun when a term is over or a project turned it. What he'd never do is have a childish temper tantrum and sabotage me in any way. There is no excuse for Manbaby Husband's behavior here, at all.
Load More Replies... Punishment like this should not be part of a loving relationship, it is abusive revenge. Had she gone to the party he wouldn't have let her leave after an hour, he would have made her stay until he was ready to go home. I don't like recommending divorce, but OP needs to really think if this is how she wants to live for the rest of her life. She will constantly be treading on eggshells, fearful of what her punishment will be next time her husband is displeased with her. Run girl, finish your degree, graduate and enjoy life.
OMG he is completely insane and toxic. Divorce him now before you get another degree, you don't want to owe him any money. What else would he do to get back at you?
JFC, where do these OP's find these husbands and why do they marry them??? holy cow.
Unfortunately, some of them start out as really nice guys. It took me a year to realize that the guy I was dating was actually a bully, and I'm in the Social Security age group.
Load More Replies... My ex did something similar to me, when I started excelling in college courses. He sabotaged my term paper hours before it was due, claiming he wanted to "help me format" it. I can still see the asinine little smirk on his face while I panicked, realizing that my weeks of work was gone. I should have dumped him then. When someone who claims to love you does something to "punish" you, to deliberately hurt you, get out. Leave. Go. Salt the earth.
What is wrong with all of these men that sabotage their wives because she didn't want to attend some party with them because of school or work. They act like these parties are the biggest event of the year and are super important. She is absolutely not the a-hole and needs to file for divorce. Ladies, if your man has tantrums because you can't go to a party with them, he will probably do something like this.
no one does that to a friend or an equal. Ergo he doesn't like you or he doesn't respect you. Go find nicer people, you are worth that very much :)
I'm guessing she thought he was 'the love of her life', or might have been pressured to marry by family. Or she is just someone who thinks getting married as early as possible is a good thing.
Load More Replies... The lady in the OP is in a relationship with a "me, me, ME, ME!!!" misogynist *sociopath*. She needs to get out of that relationship immediately. >:(
OMG SO NTA!! Husband had every right to have had her wrath brought upon him! What he did was pretty much unforgivable and childish. He put his petty needs for having a good time before her education. IF their marriage is still intact, there definitely needs to be MANY changes taking place. Good luck to her
It depends on the extent and duration she had checked out of the relationship to focus on school. You really can't put a marriage on hold because it's inconvenient, so if she has spent the past months/ year(s) doing nothing to add to the relationship, while ignoring her husband telling her she needs to give some effort and attention, then I can see husband getting to the snapping point and feeling 100% justified in sabotaging what she's chosen over him/them. Kind of like how if you ignore a pet or a child for too long, they start destroying things. If this was a single thing, I'd agree he was controlling. But she says he has been begging and badgering for her time for a long time, so I'm leaning towards both of them being at fault.
He is afraid you will surpass and outgrow him so he is sabotaging you. Get out.
Your husband needs to be in the dog house. And I can probably say that he is not interested in the future inasfar as advancing in life.
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