“I Live In An Instagram Photoshoot”: Guy Can’t Stand Influencer Wife’s Obsession With ‘Aesthetics’, Asks For A Divorce
A happy marriage requires compromise. That might mean giving something up or adjusting to things that are important to your partner. It’s a two-way street, and one side can’t always have it their way.
But some marriages are not able to stand the test of time. According to 2020 data, the divorce rate in the United States was 2.3 per 1,000 total population. Ending the union is not a rare thing; however, the reasons behind it differ for each family.
A disappointed redditor shared their story of how they found themselves to be part of the sad statistics. The user u/killicicle opened up about the way the couple’s relationship shifted completely after their child was born. Understandably, everything changes when a kid joins the family. However, his social-media-addicted wife became more interested in creating a picture-perfect facade for her followers than anything else. Eventually, it put an unbearable strain on the household.
A fed up husband opened up about reasons for divorcing his social-media consumed wife
Image source: Tatiana Syrikova (not the actual photo)
Image source: Tatiana Syrikova (not the actual photo)
Image source: killicicle
The Internet is brimming with information on various topics, and parenting is no exception. According to Pew Research Center, nearly 60% of social media-using moms and dads find useful parenting-related information there.
However, the online world can also cause harm to family relationships. Research shows that using certain online networking platforms might negatively affect the marriage or even lead to divorce. With so many ways to connect, the internet is the perfect tool for meeting new people or reaching out to old acquaintances, but this is a blessing and a curse at once. Even though it’s easier to rekindle relationships or start new ones, it can also lead to infidelity.
According to an analysis of cases in a law firm, Facebook appears in one third of divorce cases, often because of enabling old connections. Users tend to share large amounts of personal information, which eases keeping up to date with them. Sadly, that might also bring out the dark side of a significant other, as the data facilitates snooping and can create mistrust.
The Pew Research Center found that one fifth of people, who agreed that internet usage had an impact on their relationship, said that this impact was negative. It also stated that 4% of coupled-up internet users admitted to getting upset over their partner’s online activities. However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be online for technology to cause friction between partners. The survey discovered that one fourth of cellphone users saw their partners being distracted by their phones while spending time together. The same way a camera would distract the OP’s influencer wife from enjoying moments along with her family.
While trying to document life from the best angle, influencers might not be able to enjoy important events or end up missing them in general. Research shows that they spend around nine hours a day on their phones. Such an amount of screen time is presumably enough to let some things slip unnoticed.
The rise of social media supported the growth of influencer culture. According to Statista, the influencer marketing market size worldwide went from 1.7 billion US dollars in 2016 to 16.4 billion in 2022. By promoting certain goods and services, they create trends that are then followed by a large audience, often through the help of—you guessed it right—social media. This creates a cycle, which ensures the popularity of certain online platforms and people and also provides a continual influx of information.
Because of modern technology, one device is enough for large amounts of information to reach us basically anywhere anytime. We are constantly checking our phones or computers, overflowing with notifications, unanswered emails, and other things that require our immediate attention. Or at least our brain says it does after we notice the notification. Recent data reveals that an average person spends over 3 hours on their phones and receives around 46 push notifications per day. A lot of what we spend our time and attention on is provided by online personas we choose to follow or look up to.
As people are getting more and more addicted to social media, the influencers we praise have to keep up the pace of providing compelling content. That means constant creative processes and capturing every moment, among other things, which might become tiresome at best. It might also become difficult for the people around them. Some might not be comfortable with sharing their lives, others—as in the case of the redditor u/killicicle—can not relax in their own home, which suddenly feels more like a movie set.
The restrictions related to the constant documenting of their family became too much for the OP. Eventually he decided to divorce his wife, who seemed more interested in her followers rather than her daughter’s milestones. After the child was born, their values and views on social media presence became very different, which led to the unfortunate conclusion of their relationship. According to research on reasons for divorce, growing apart is one of the main causes of such endings.
Sadly, influencers often create unrealistic expectations, whether it’s family or other relevant topics. The perfectly clean homes and dinners that look like pages from a recipe book are not necessarily their actual reality. And this Reddit post is only one example of how behind the screen, it feels less like life and more like an “aesthetic”.
Redditors had plenty of remarks and insight on the influencer culture that took over the wife of the OP
That poor kid is a prop for mum’s fantasy world. It’s one thing to want to have a tidy house but that is something else entirely
She'll be in for a reality check when her child is 2.
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Looking at the pile of toys my kiddo dragged from their room into the living room doesn’t feel so terrible now. Also, I’m sorry but obsessive mommy blogs are the worst. At least a child star is somewhat protected by unions and child labour laws. Those blog/vlogs take advantage in the deepest of ways. Good on OP from leaving and hopefully he gets the social media injunction for his children
Even film producers try to stretch their limitations. Child stars are as protected as their parents and agents allow.
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What's with the uninformed, uneducated mental health diagnoses? That's not OCD. That's someone who's gotten social media attention as their priority over her own family and marriage. She'll regret it one day. This father should have full custody with the divorce, and the mother should be monitored to ensure she's not exploiting their daughter for clout. I hope some laws come into place soon to make it officially illegal to use children for the sole purpose of making money on social media, and failing to provide a reasonably safe, secure and private home life for the child.
Yes OCD sufferers (I'm one) usually have distressing intrusive thoughts about not carrying out a particular activity. It's very anxiety driven. Often the activity looks batshit crazy to outsiders too. I have one where I have to circle my hands, wrists and ankles in a particular order to get the graphic images of my children dying out of my mind. I'm also not a very tidy person. Being very tidy has bugger all to do with it.
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I just don't understand this performing for strangers thing. Your child is going to hate you and have deep emotional issues and you don't care?? How awful.
Beige. What the **** kind of aesthetic is beige. I mean, I know that isn't the point of it but like. 'Inoffensive but not particuarly appealing either' is not an aesthetic.
I had a museum childhood where my mom/stepdad cared more about their things than my health or safety. If I fell down the hard tile stairs they would yell at me & worry about the wall & stairs. When someone drove into me & totaled my car I was aggressively yelled at and blamed because they only cared about the car. I wasn't allowed in certain rooms or sit on most of the furniture although my half sister was. Gifts, or things I purchased for myself didn't belong to me. I wasn't allowed to personalize or move my bedroom decor they chose. And the craziest thing with all of this was that we rarely ever had guests, I wasn't even allowed to bring friends or my boyfriend over most of the time. We even got a dog finally after 10 years and they listed it on Kijiji the day after bringing it home. I was forced to babysit my sister for 12h+ shifts who was bad and parents allowed her to disregard me & wasn't allowed to use kitchen appliances to feed her besides fridge and microwave.
Now I have so many mental problems because of their superficial behaviours and have no quality of life and can barely function. I hope this dad gets full custody. It's no way to live for anyone but especially as an impressionnable child. A young child needs to feel safe and loved. The pain she's instilling will come out later for the poor girl. I remember very clearly not mattering at a young age and struggled with body dysmorphia since I was 4-5 amongst other mental health stuff. Never put the value of objects over a child. They are perceptive and will internalize it. This woman doesn't deserve her husband who tolerated/suppored her for so long or her daughter. Sickening.
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One of my friends broke up with his girlfriend when the influencer world sucked her in. As soon as she started working for a TV station, she picked up that 'post everything -- even food before eating it' attitude. Everything was more important than her relationship. People, mostly women, who behave in this way lack self-esteem. They gain mental strength by posting and like hunting. The OP made a painful but important decision. He was right.
Wow, talk about jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about people you don't even know. It's easy to sit back and criticize someone's behavior when you have no idea what's really going on in their lives. Maybe this woman had a lot of personal issues or insecurities that she was trying to work through by building her influence online. Maybe she was just trying to advance her career and felt like she had to put on a certain persona in order to do that. But it's not fair or accurate to assume that she lacks self-esteem or that she was using her online presence to compensate for some perceived inadequacy. And it's definitely not fair to say that the guy in this story made the "right" decision to break up with her just because she started working in media and posting a lot online. There could have been a million other factors at play in their relationship, and it's not our place to judge or speculate on them. So let's try to be a little more open-minded and understanding, and smart.
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This woman is living her life for the approval of internet strangers. Making everyone else around you do the same is wrong. Sounds like she needs some mental health help, but you can't push a rope.
People o freaking crazy for followers, there're many stories of people dying just to get perfect pic, beforevyou leave do a fort with your child and record it
I had a weight-loss Instagram account that amassed a large following and I felt myself being pulled into that "perfect" trap. I realized I was prioritizing my followers and what they thought over my own family and I hated that. So, I've disappeared off all major social media and I've never looked back. I feel like my mental health has greatly improved since then.
Honestly, that woman doesn't have a daughter; she has a prop. He needs to divorce her and get custody of the kid so she can grow up in a house where she's treated like a human being.
My mum likes everything very tidy, you still can pop in anytime and everything will be neat and clean - but when we were kids we could drag half of the toys and make a fort and what not freely, just one condition: put it all away when finished playing. It worked well for all parts involved, she had the tidy home and we learned to look after toys (some were even passed from her cousins to her, then to us, and now to my nieces!)
And thus the human race came to an end, as everyone became too obsessed with likes to remember to reproduce.
This sounds exactly like Loving Lyfe by Jk Studios. XD They're the comedy troupe Studio C, and they made a "Mommy Vlogger" sketch show that exaggerates how those people are. The part that killed me in one episode was one of the moms takes a candle to her daugher's room and goes "I like to take a scented candle to Helvetica's room, because it's a nicer, gentler way for her to wake up. Well..she's not here right now, I made her sleep in the car so she wouldn't mess up her sheets. And honestly, I don't care for how she looks in the morning. " xD
I don't use social media, personally, but i dated an Instagram girl for a while. It wasnt to such an absurd extent as in the post, but definitely similar vibes. Weirdest part was that she just genuinely couldn't understand why I wouldn't -want- to be part of it, as though she were offering me some kind of life-upgrade. When it became clear that she was drinking the kool-aid, we mutually broke it off, agreeing that we just wanted totally different lives.
Seems like your wife is crossing to the pathological side. Unless she realizes she has a problem, there's no solution. Get out and most of all get your daughter out. She is being raised in a bland, devoid of proper visual and audio stimulation, taught to be fake and value appearances and pretense over authenticity, and she is constricted by inane requirements. It will affect her emotional, social and intellectual development.
Your wife sounds so incredibly vain. Life isn't a photoshoot. Also, think about how this is going to influence your daughter growing up? There was a story on BP a few weeks ago about this teenager whose family basically vlogged their entire life and the traumatic effect it had.
When my first child was born, I thought I had to change my entire identity to be a good mom to her. Living in a small town where everyone knew everyone, my business could easily become everyone's because they were family or family-friends. I have an alternative/ goth aesthetic (my childhood nickname was literally Wednesday since I was about 6-7, my brother was Pugsley and we tormented people who picked on us), but when my first was born I did a 180° and thought I had to look "normal" to be a good mom and to love her how she deserved. It took time, but I eventually learned that that was unhealthy and literally tore down my mental health because I came to hate my real self. You can't teach your kids to love themselves or their life if you don't love your own. That doesn't mean you won't struggle, but it does mean putting in the effort for them. This mom isn't willing to, and is about to lose her family which will inevitably result in losing her following, only one will affect her.
I hope he gets primary custody. That one commenter was right; try to get an injunction to stop the mother from posting photos of the child on social media. That child will grow up SO traumatized in a household like that. If the father gets custody, she could grow up in a loving and normal environment.
Just ended things with an aspiring Instagram influencer that did this sort of thing. She'd yell if you moved things slightly out of place, be angry if you or anything of yours was in "her shot", constantly putting everything up on Instagram from clothes to food to random leaves. I entertained her predilections at first but I think I've dodged a bullet. Back to solitude
I have been with my partner for 27 years and our child is a month away from being an adult. If I had tried pulling this sort of stuff with either of them they would have laughed at me, told me that I was insane and carried on being normal people who played with toys and put coffee cups on the coffee table where they are supposed to go. This would have happened within around 5 minutes. This guy must have the patience of a saint to have put up with this for so long, especially after repeatedly asking her to seek help and her flat out refusing to do so. He’s right to leave and he should seek full custody of their child on the grounds of her behaviour. If he gets custody she won’t be a mummy blogger anymore and might realise that she destroyed her family.
This is so awful. But leaving the poor child is bad as well. I would fight with the stupid woman. I'd say nope, you aren't posting our child's pics online. No, she will have toys. The guy is pissed, but it seems like he can't force his ways and the child will suffer, abandoned by both parents. Mother who only cares about her account and father who left...
Sadly, beyond being a total nightmare and actually emotionally adusive towards her child and partner, she is also reeking havoc in other people's lives by portraying a fake standard.that no one should be living up to. My mom was such a perfecrionist at home and about appearances Inhad anxiety for years after I grew up. And this my friends was during the 70s and 80s. Nope, not ok. She has an addiction to SM. I would.petition for custody with linited visiting rights. This is not a way to raise a child.
THIS! So much this! I hate/love the organization and restocking videos, imo they just reiterate harmful perfectionist standards.
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NTA: I'd leave her too. Absolutely get a lawyer and the no social media pics of the kid stipulation. It's a common stipulation now for a reason.
I think that she is absolutely out of line with her demands. But, I will say, kids don't need to have mountains of toys-- its okay to be minimalist and you are not a bad parent if you don't have a tonne of toys for your child (either because you don't have space for many or can't afford them)-- however not getting toys due to aesthetic is ridiculous. Not building pillow forts is ridiculous. Kids deserve to be kids and fewer highly interactive toys encourage imagination and co- play behaviour.
The don't need mountains of toys but they do genuinely NEED toys, and time to play with those toys. If Mama is buying them for their "aesthetic" value, then I guarantee the child isn't actually allowed to play with them, either. So she is intellectually starving this child, which has a LIFETIME effect.
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Your children are only little for such a short period of time, they grow up one-day you will be sorry you were so vain
I don't think OP is crazy or petty for leaving his wife over this. It is common that people leave spouses over what appear to be silly or minimal things, but they tend to be "the last straw" in a much bigger issue. He isn't leaving her because of a beige pallet and too many photos. He is leaving her because she is prioritizing her online social image over her family's happiness and well-being. She is refusing to modulate or compromise, and she is doing things that actively harm both him and their child while gaslighting them about it. Those are solid reasons to go.
The second I saw “influencer”, I thought “this is going to be a s**t show.” I wish people called “influencers” what they really are: fake a*s mooches.
If she wants her house to look nice, I get it; HOWEVER, her kid's room shouldn't be part of it. The kid should be able to play with whatever toys she wants and the husband should be able to put his drink down so he can watch his kid do something like walking for the first time. I'm glad he left her because her priorities are shallow ones and she shouldn't have a S.O., kids,or animals if she wants to live in social media.
Believe it or not even the "messy" or "normal" looking mommy influencers can be crazy like this, just in different ways. My mom was one of them 😫 drove me insane. She never got hundreds of thousands of subs, but she eventually got a couple thousand. Any kind of social media families I see make me cringe, even if I think the content is cute, because I know all too well from experience how hellish that lifestyle can truly be. I can only imagine how an actually popular family is behind closed doors...
This sounds less like OCD and more like an addiction to Social Media.
This woman would be mortified if she lived with me. While I'm generally a clean and tidy person, and I do love aesthetics, there are also cat and dog toys everywhere 😂 and I wouldn't have it any other way! 🐩
Start an Instagram page that's the same title as hers but end it with reality. Post pics of the house how you see it. Using the bathroom. Sleeping in bed. Having breakfast. How bland it all is to you. Let her get a taste of reality from your side. How it's effecting you. And then go get yourself a Mann Ray condo and enjoy colors again with your daughter.
NTA. Because your wife is so caught up in being an influencer, she's making you miserable and not letting your kid be a kid. She's just after likes and follows.
So they have to be IG ready 24/7? They can't build forts or have colorful toys? Too bad she wasn't even a tiny bit reasonable and said no IG between 8-8 or something. She's got a severe mental illness, whether it be OCD, narcissism, fear of not measuring up, whatever. I hope the little one will get the opportunity to have some counseling as well. It'll give her a safe space to vent. Where is Grandma in all this? Has she tried reasoning with her daughter or does she too think it's OK?
I often feel like I don't take enough pictures, but I'm living in the moment and will always have the memories.
Husband and I painted our baby's room bright orange and added gray gym foam flooring. The hard furniture is white and strapped to the wall to withstand climbing. The soft furniture is modular so he can build forts with his bed. One wall is covered in shatter proof mirrors because he loves to play with reflections. It would be nice if some mommy blogger could chose an aesthetic where a kid could be a kid. It is a no for me because my child is too young to give informed consent to be a public figure.
Extremely controversial opinion, I am more on the wife's side. Yes, they should get a divorce. They're not just compatible. I did the same exact thing the wife did, I keep my home tidy and I take aesthetic very, very seriously, IT RELAXES ME AND MAKES ME HAPPY. I have both OCD and autism. The world stresses me out and my home is my only safe escape. Funny part is ? I am not even an influencer. I don't post anything on the internet. The wife might be an influencer but I don't think she's doing this for anyone's approval. She just do things that makes her happy & shares her happiness with the world. People say she's a social media obsessed narcissist when she just.. wants things looks tidy and nice. And her husband just assumes that she's miserable. That's projecting. Her husband is miserable with her personality, not her. I do things like these because I dont want to be miserable. Lmao. But yeah I would never drag anyone into my obsession because I know most people are not like me.
That is totally valid! I think the difference here is you acknowledge this is for you and not for everyone. What bothers me about this lady is that she focuses more on her husband setting down a glass than on her child taking her first steps. I am not convinced the mother will be patient when removing a vent cover because her baby got yogurt inside. I am not being rhetorical, just honest that learning to eat is messy. Also if they split the kid could at least have one parent who will display their art work proudly on the fridge.
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That was the right thing to do. All for people she doesn't know and will never meet!! Yes I'm sure she has friends but how the he'll would visitor's to your home feel, it would be a terrible atmosphere as they'd be afraid to breathe. That poor child. I hope you go for full custody before she wrecks your child's mental health and wellbeing. Bloody social media can be the bane of people's lives where children are constantly acting ,,, DEFINITELY not a healthy lifestyle. Children aren't children anymore. Mums forcing them to dance or whatever for tiktok when all the child wants to do is have fun playing with their friends. Get yourself AND your child as far away from her as possible.
While I won't knock on people for being on IG, there's a reason why I'm not so active on it. The whole social media clout thing has gotten real scary real fast. The things people do for recognition online has gotten me fearing that we are drones programmed to seem like we are having fun and living life when in reality, it's a struggle to just seem famous. Perhaps my opinion is a little left-sided and there are really those who live life and enjoy a good social media following but the case up there is just sad. Mum needs a reality check fast before both hubby and daughter give up on her altogether.
Social media literally is destroying people's lives and it's like they still need that satisfaction from strangers and attention. It's so sad. She needs help and I wouldn't want to live a life like that either. Just a false reality showing perfection that doesn't exist. Yikes.
It sounds very unhealthy. Wife does not realize she has a big problem and puts social media before her family. I agree with people who said husband should get custody of their kid, at least until wife gets help.
If you make the money, kick her out. Get full custody of your daughter and put a clause in any type of custody agreement that she cannot have any photos of your child online until the kid is 18. Be prepared to get a bulldog divorce lawyer and go all in to take her out.
I've known a young mom who solid the same. When I came to visit with my kid, it was not so much posing for the pics, but to me it felt like she was exploiting her kids childhood for a few followers. I told her so, she took it to heart and she took it down a bit. Still posts though. My husband wanted me to start a mommy insta. I said no.
I hope he can give his daughter a better life. Remember what Michael Jackson went through when he wasn't allowed to have a childhood?
She is not understanding the value of her real beautiful life and is running behind artificial illusions. It's not illness but totally blindness. A day will definitely come when she will realize what she totally lost in tht miraze. Plz take custody of the child, or else she will also suffer
....it...it IS an adjective, though? Like, in the dictionary as an adjective and everything?
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Oh my ... tbh, I paint ... or, rather spray paint with templates ... and don't even have any wall space where I could hang it. But I still am quite the opposite of the wife - I literally have no free space on walls because this place is crammed with a lot of stuff worth nothing, financially, but being considered protected as a memorabilia, a personal one. And shelves. And ... stuff. I just like making these, you know ... your wife needs either help, or a massive injcetion of reality. Kids make mess. That's fine. A house isn't a furniture store. That's fine. Cats destroy wallpaper and other things ... and, again, that's fine ... prefering intact wall paper over a loving little furball with claws and teeth? No way! Damned, I just don't get people (I knew a woman who gave away her cats after they made ONE scratch mark of a few inches while chasing a moth ... everything else I know about her doesn't really paint a picture of a bright person by whatever means, ...).
Treat the house like a place to live and ignore her complaints. In fact, tell her to STFU and concentrate on making your kids happy. Point out that this is what she is missing out on. Do not bow to her demands unless YOU feel that they are reasonable and realistic
This is good, especially for the daughter. Growing up in an influencer household can do horrible things to kids
I can't help but wonder what her followers would think if they knew what it was like behind the perfectly curated and pristinely staged moments...
This isn't OCD. The wife has an addiction. People with OCD know they have a problem. People with an addiction deny it. Regardless whether the addiction is drugs, or gambling, or the social validation that you get from 400k complete strangers the pathology is still the same.
What makes you think all people with an addiction deny it? Just because someone hasn't quit their addiction, doesn't mean they don't know they have a problem. It's not like some jackass that doesn't know he is a jackass......
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Get a great couple of psychologists talking about the harm this behavior will have on developing children and you might get full custody
A few people commented above that maybe the wife had OCD but it seems that before she was into instagram she was just tidy, She does need psychological help and maybe the OP should ask for the daughter's custody because she will suffer and also need therapy. Maybe family therapy, but Op shoudl not ask but demand.Imho.
He needs to give her a copy of Girl (in Real Life) by Tamsin Winter for her to read so she can see what affect this will have on her child growing up. Not that she'd allow it in the house as the cover has very bright colours.
Am I the only one that feels like OP should try more? You have a family and a kid together, you should try everything to work it out. You once loved her, having a kid is tough. But you don't just divorce over this. Make her friends talk to her, talk to her parents, say you both need therapy. Idk but I feel like the internet is often so hard on people, you only hear one side of the story peepz of AITA
I agree with the people who said obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Get the child out of that house right away.
That's not OCD. She's a narcissist that needs a psychiatrist.
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Unpopular opinion, but this shows just how lacking he is in his manhood. He says he doesnt want his daughter to "live in an aesthetic", so what happens when his wife convinces a judge he cheated and she gets custody? Why didnt he just make her delete her Instagram? Its clearly addictive and she wont get help, so hes just going to allow his wife to fall into addiction? If my husband did drugs, i wouldnt allow him to bring coke into the house. No, i would drive him to the psychologist/doctor myself and he wouldnt have a choice. Im his wife, and i have that authority, just like this man does. Also, why does she need other people's approval over her husbands? Your spouse is there to be your rock. This guy was faced with a small challenge, and because he cant lead, he decided to abandon his family.
That poor kid is a prop for mum’s fantasy world. It’s one thing to want to have a tidy house but that is something else entirely
She'll be in for a reality check when her child is 2.
Load More Replies... Looking at the pile of toys my kiddo dragged from their room into the living room doesn’t feel so terrible now. Also, I’m sorry but obsessive mommy blogs are the worst. At least a child star is somewhat protected by unions and child labour laws. Those blog/vlogs take advantage in the deepest of ways. Good on OP from leaving and hopefully he gets the social media injunction for his children
Even film producers try to stretch their limitations. Child stars are as protected as their parents and agents allow.
Load More Replies... What's with the uninformed, uneducated mental health diagnoses? That's not OCD. That's someone who's gotten social media attention as their priority over her own family and marriage. She'll regret it one day. This father should have full custody with the divorce, and the mother should be monitored to ensure she's not exploiting their daughter for clout. I hope some laws come into place soon to make it officially illegal to use children for the sole purpose of making money on social media, and failing to provide a reasonably safe, secure and private home life for the child.
Yes OCD sufferers (I'm one) usually have distressing intrusive thoughts about not carrying out a particular activity. It's very anxiety driven. Often the activity looks batshit crazy to outsiders too. I have one where I have to circle my hands, wrists and ankles in a particular order to get the graphic images of my children dying out of my mind. I'm also not a very tidy person. Being very tidy has bugger all to do with it.
Load More Replies... I just don't understand this performing for strangers thing. Your child is going to hate you and have deep emotional issues and you don't care?? How awful.
Beige. What the **** kind of aesthetic is beige. I mean, I know that isn't the point of it but like. 'Inoffensive but not particuarly appealing either' is not an aesthetic.
I had a museum childhood where my mom/stepdad cared more about their things than my health or safety. If I fell down the hard tile stairs they would yell at me & worry about the wall & stairs. When someone drove into me & totaled my car I was aggressively yelled at and blamed because they only cared about the car. I wasn't allowed in certain rooms or sit on most of the furniture although my half sister was. Gifts, or things I purchased for myself didn't belong to me. I wasn't allowed to personalize or move my bedroom decor they chose. And the craziest thing with all of this was that we rarely ever had guests, I wasn't even allowed to bring friends or my boyfriend over most of the time. We even got a dog finally after 10 years and they listed it on Kijiji the day after bringing it home. I was forced to babysit my sister for 12h+ shifts who was bad and parents allowed her to disregard me & wasn't allowed to use kitchen appliances to feed her besides fridge and microwave.
Now I have so many mental problems because of their superficial behaviours and have no quality of life and can barely function. I hope this dad gets full custody. It's no way to live for anyone but especially as an impressionnable child. A young child needs to feel safe and loved. The pain she's instilling will come out later for the poor girl. I remember very clearly not mattering at a young age and struggled with body dysmorphia since I was 4-5 amongst other mental health stuff. Never put the value of objects over a child. They are perceptive and will internalize it. This woman doesn't deserve her husband who tolerated/suppored her for so long or her daughter. Sickening.
Load More Replies... One of my friends broke up with his girlfriend when the influencer world sucked her in. As soon as she started working for a TV station, she picked up that 'post everything -- even food before eating it' attitude. Everything was more important than her relationship. People, mostly women, who behave in this way lack self-esteem. They gain mental strength by posting and like hunting. The OP made a painful but important decision. He was right.
Wow, talk about jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about people you don't even know. It's easy to sit back and criticize someone's behavior when you have no idea what's really going on in their lives. Maybe this woman had a lot of personal issues or insecurities that she was trying to work through by building her influence online. Maybe she was just trying to advance her career and felt like she had to put on a certain persona in order to do that. But it's not fair or accurate to assume that she lacks self-esteem or that she was using her online presence to compensate for some perceived inadequacy. And it's definitely not fair to say that the guy in this story made the "right" decision to break up with her just because she started working in media and posting a lot online. There could have been a million other factors at play in their relationship, and it's not our place to judge or speculate on them. So let's try to be a little more open-minded and understanding, and smart.
Load More Replies... This woman is living her life for the approval of internet strangers. Making everyone else around you do the same is wrong. Sounds like she needs some mental health help, but you can't push a rope.
People o freaking crazy for followers, there're many stories of people dying just to get perfect pic, beforevyou leave do a fort with your child and record it
I had a weight-loss Instagram account that amassed a large following and I felt myself being pulled into that "perfect" trap. I realized I was prioritizing my followers and what they thought over my own family and I hated that. So, I've disappeared off all major social media and I've never looked back. I feel like my mental health has greatly improved since then.
Honestly, that woman doesn't have a daughter; she has a prop. He needs to divorce her and get custody of the kid so she can grow up in a house where she's treated like a human being.
My mum likes everything very tidy, you still can pop in anytime and everything will be neat and clean - but when we were kids we could drag half of the toys and make a fort and what not freely, just one condition: put it all away when finished playing. It worked well for all parts involved, she had the tidy home and we learned to look after toys (some were even passed from her cousins to her, then to us, and now to my nieces!)
And thus the human race came to an end, as everyone became too obsessed with likes to remember to reproduce.
This sounds exactly like Loving Lyfe by Jk Studios. XD They're the comedy troupe Studio C, and they made a "Mommy Vlogger" sketch show that exaggerates how those people are. The part that killed me in one episode was one of the moms takes a candle to her daugher's room and goes "I like to take a scented candle to Helvetica's room, because it's a nicer, gentler way for her to wake up. Well..she's not here right now, I made her sleep in the car so she wouldn't mess up her sheets. And honestly, I don't care for how she looks in the morning. " xD
I don't use social media, personally, but i dated an Instagram girl for a while. It wasnt to such an absurd extent as in the post, but definitely similar vibes. Weirdest part was that she just genuinely couldn't understand why I wouldn't -want- to be part of it, as though she were offering me some kind of life-upgrade. When it became clear that she was drinking the kool-aid, we mutually broke it off, agreeing that we just wanted totally different lives.
Seems like your wife is crossing to the pathological side. Unless she realizes she has a problem, there's no solution. Get out and most of all get your daughter out. She is being raised in a bland, devoid of proper visual and audio stimulation, taught to be fake and value appearances and pretense over authenticity, and she is constricted by inane requirements. It will affect her emotional, social and intellectual development.
Your wife sounds so incredibly vain. Life isn't a photoshoot. Also, think about how this is going to influence your daughter growing up? There was a story on BP a few weeks ago about this teenager whose family basically vlogged their entire life and the traumatic effect it had.
When my first child was born, I thought I had to change my entire identity to be a good mom to her. Living in a small town where everyone knew everyone, my business could easily become everyone's because they were family or family-friends. I have an alternative/ goth aesthetic (my childhood nickname was literally Wednesday since I was about 6-7, my brother was Pugsley and we tormented people who picked on us), but when my first was born I did a 180° and thought I had to look "normal" to be a good mom and to love her how she deserved. It took time, but I eventually learned that that was unhealthy and literally tore down my mental health because I came to hate my real self. You can't teach your kids to love themselves or their life if you don't love your own. That doesn't mean you won't struggle, but it does mean putting in the effort for them. This mom isn't willing to, and is about to lose her family which will inevitably result in losing her following, only one will affect her.
I hope he gets primary custody. That one commenter was right; try to get an injunction to stop the mother from posting photos of the child on social media. That child will grow up SO traumatized in a household like that. If the father gets custody, she could grow up in a loving and normal environment.
Just ended things with an aspiring Instagram influencer that did this sort of thing. She'd yell if you moved things slightly out of place, be angry if you or anything of yours was in "her shot", constantly putting everything up on Instagram from clothes to food to random leaves. I entertained her predilections at first but I think I've dodged a bullet. Back to solitude
I have been with my partner for 27 years and our child is a month away from being an adult. If I had tried pulling this sort of stuff with either of them they would have laughed at me, told me that I was insane and carried on being normal people who played with toys and put coffee cups on the coffee table where they are supposed to go. This would have happened within around 5 minutes. This guy must have the patience of a saint to have put up with this for so long, especially after repeatedly asking her to seek help and her flat out refusing to do so. He’s right to leave and he should seek full custody of their child on the grounds of her behaviour. If he gets custody she won’t be a mummy blogger anymore and might realise that she destroyed her family.
This is so awful. But leaving the poor child is bad as well. I would fight with the stupid woman. I'd say nope, you aren't posting our child's pics online. No, she will have toys. The guy is pissed, but it seems like he can't force his ways and the child will suffer, abandoned by both parents. Mother who only cares about her account and father who left...
Sadly, beyond being a total nightmare and actually emotionally adusive towards her child and partner, she is also reeking havoc in other people's lives by portraying a fake standard.that no one should be living up to. My mom was such a perfecrionist at home and about appearances Inhad anxiety for years after I grew up. And this my friends was during the 70s and 80s. Nope, not ok. She has an addiction to SM. I would.petition for custody with linited visiting rights. This is not a way to raise a child.
THIS! So much this! I hate/love the organization and restocking videos, imo they just reiterate harmful perfectionist standards.
Load More Replies... NTA: I'd leave her too. Absolutely get a lawyer and the no social media pics of the kid stipulation. It's a common stipulation now for a reason.
I think that she is absolutely out of line with her demands. But, I will say, kids don't need to have mountains of toys-- its okay to be minimalist and you are not a bad parent if you don't have a tonne of toys for your child (either because you don't have space for many or can't afford them)-- however not getting toys due to aesthetic is ridiculous. Not building pillow forts is ridiculous. Kids deserve to be kids and fewer highly interactive toys encourage imagination and co- play behaviour.
The don't need mountains of toys but they do genuinely NEED toys, and time to play with those toys. If Mama is buying them for their "aesthetic" value, then I guarantee the child isn't actually allowed to play with them, either. So she is intellectually starving this child, which has a LIFETIME effect.
Load More Replies... Your children are only little for such a short period of time, they grow up one-day you will be sorry you were so vain
I don't think OP is crazy or petty for leaving his wife over this. It is common that people leave spouses over what appear to be silly or minimal things, but they tend to be "the last straw" in a much bigger issue. He isn't leaving her because of a beige pallet and too many photos. He is leaving her because she is prioritizing her online social image over her family's happiness and well-being. She is refusing to modulate or compromise, and she is doing things that actively harm both him and their child while gaslighting them about it. Those are solid reasons to go.
The second I saw “influencer”, I thought “this is going to be a s**t show.” I wish people called “influencers” what they really are: fake a*s mooches.
If she wants her house to look nice, I get it; HOWEVER, her kid's room shouldn't be part of it. The kid should be able to play with whatever toys she wants and the husband should be able to put his drink down so he can watch his kid do something like walking for the first time. I'm glad he left her because her priorities are shallow ones and she shouldn't have a S.O., kids,or animals if she wants to live in social media.
Believe it or not even the "messy" or "normal" looking mommy influencers can be crazy like this, just in different ways. My mom was one of them 😫 drove me insane. She never got hundreds of thousands of subs, but she eventually got a couple thousand. Any kind of social media families I see make me cringe, even if I think the content is cute, because I know all too well from experience how hellish that lifestyle can truly be. I can only imagine how an actually popular family is behind closed doors...
This sounds less like OCD and more like an addiction to Social Media.
This woman would be mortified if she lived with me. While I'm generally a clean and tidy person, and I do love aesthetics, there are also cat and dog toys everywhere 😂 and I wouldn't have it any other way! 🐩
Start an Instagram page that's the same title as hers but end it with reality. Post pics of the house how you see it. Using the bathroom. Sleeping in bed. Having breakfast. How bland it all is to you. Let her get a taste of reality from your side. How it's effecting you. And then go get yourself a Mann Ray condo and enjoy colors again with your daughter.
NTA. Because your wife is so caught up in being an influencer, she's making you miserable and not letting your kid be a kid. She's just after likes and follows.
So they have to be IG ready 24/7? They can't build forts or have colorful toys? Too bad she wasn't even a tiny bit reasonable and said no IG between 8-8 or something. She's got a severe mental illness, whether it be OCD, narcissism, fear of not measuring up, whatever. I hope the little one will get the opportunity to have some counseling as well. It'll give her a safe space to vent. Where is Grandma in all this? Has she tried reasoning with her daughter or does she too think it's OK?
I often feel like I don't take enough pictures, but I'm living in the moment and will always have the memories.
Husband and I painted our baby's room bright orange and added gray gym foam flooring. The hard furniture is white and strapped to the wall to withstand climbing. The soft furniture is modular so he can build forts with his bed. One wall is covered in shatter proof mirrors because he loves to play with reflections. It would be nice if some mommy blogger could chose an aesthetic where a kid could be a kid. It is a no for me because my child is too young to give informed consent to be a public figure.
Extremely controversial opinion, I am more on the wife's side. Yes, they should get a divorce. They're not just compatible. I did the same exact thing the wife did, I keep my home tidy and I take aesthetic very, very seriously, IT RELAXES ME AND MAKES ME HAPPY. I have both OCD and autism. The world stresses me out and my home is my only safe escape. Funny part is ? I am not even an influencer. I don't post anything on the internet. The wife might be an influencer but I don't think she's doing this for anyone's approval. She just do things that makes her happy & shares her happiness with the world. People say she's a social media obsessed narcissist when she just.. wants things looks tidy and nice. And her husband just assumes that she's miserable. That's projecting. Her husband is miserable with her personality, not her. I do things like these because I dont want to be miserable. Lmao. But yeah I would never drag anyone into my obsession because I know most people are not like me.
That is totally valid! I think the difference here is you acknowledge this is for you and not for everyone. What bothers me about this lady is that she focuses more on her husband setting down a glass than on her child taking her first steps. I am not convinced the mother will be patient when removing a vent cover because her baby got yogurt inside. I am not being rhetorical, just honest that learning to eat is messy. Also if they split the kid could at least have one parent who will display their art work proudly on the fridge.
Load More Replies... That was the right thing to do. All for people she doesn't know and will never meet!! Yes I'm sure she has friends but how the he'll would visitor's to your home feel, it would be a terrible atmosphere as they'd be afraid to breathe. That poor child. I hope you go for full custody before she wrecks your child's mental health and wellbeing. Bloody social media can be the bane of people's lives where children are constantly acting ,,, DEFINITELY not a healthy lifestyle. Children aren't children anymore. Mums forcing them to dance or whatever for tiktok when all the child wants to do is have fun playing with their friends. Get yourself AND your child as far away from her as possible.
While I won't knock on people for being on IG, there's a reason why I'm not so active on it. The whole social media clout thing has gotten real scary real fast. The things people do for recognition online has gotten me fearing that we are drones programmed to seem like we are having fun and living life when in reality, it's a struggle to just seem famous. Perhaps my opinion is a little left-sided and there are really those who live life and enjoy a good social media following but the case up there is just sad. Mum needs a reality check fast before both hubby and daughter give up on her altogether.
Social media literally is destroying people's lives and it's like they still need that satisfaction from strangers and attention. It's so sad. She needs help and I wouldn't want to live a life like that either. Just a false reality showing perfection that doesn't exist. Yikes.
It sounds very unhealthy. Wife does not realize she has a big problem and puts social media before her family. I agree with people who said husband should get custody of their kid, at least until wife gets help.
If you make the money, kick her out. Get full custody of your daughter and put a clause in any type of custody agreement that she cannot have any photos of your child online until the kid is 18. Be prepared to get a bulldog divorce lawyer and go all in to take her out.
I've known a young mom who solid the same. When I came to visit with my kid, it was not so much posing for the pics, but to me it felt like she was exploiting her kids childhood for a few followers. I told her so, she took it to heart and she took it down a bit. Still posts though. My husband wanted me to start a mommy insta. I said no.
I hope he can give his daughter a better life. Remember what Michael Jackson went through when he wasn't allowed to have a childhood?
She is not understanding the value of her real beautiful life and is running behind artificial illusions. It's not illness but totally blindness. A day will definitely come when she will realize what she totally lost in tht miraze. Plz take custody of the child, or else she will also suffer
....it...it IS an adjective, though? Like, in the dictionary as an adjective and everything?
Load More Replies... Oh my ... tbh, I paint ... or, rather spray paint with templates ... and don't even have any wall space where I could hang it. But I still am quite the opposite of the wife - I literally have no free space on walls because this place is crammed with a lot of stuff worth nothing, financially, but being considered protected as a memorabilia, a personal one. And shelves. And ... stuff. I just like making these, you know ... your wife needs either help, or a massive injcetion of reality. Kids make mess. That's fine. A house isn't a furniture store. That's fine. Cats destroy wallpaper and other things ... and, again, that's fine ... prefering intact wall paper over a loving little furball with claws and teeth? No way! Damned, I just don't get people (I knew a woman who gave away her cats after they made ONE scratch mark of a few inches while chasing a moth ... everything else I know about her doesn't really paint a picture of a bright person by whatever means, ...).
Treat the house like a place to live and ignore her complaints. In fact, tell her to STFU and concentrate on making your kids happy. Point out that this is what she is missing out on. Do not bow to her demands unless YOU feel that they are reasonable and realistic
This is good, especially for the daughter. Growing up in an influencer household can do horrible things to kids
I can't help but wonder what her followers would think if they knew what it was like behind the perfectly curated and pristinely staged moments...
This isn't OCD. The wife has an addiction. People with OCD know they have a problem. People with an addiction deny it. Regardless whether the addiction is drugs, or gambling, or the social validation that you get from 400k complete strangers the pathology is still the same.
What makes you think all people with an addiction deny it? Just because someone hasn't quit their addiction, doesn't mean they don't know they have a problem. It's not like some jackass that doesn't know he is a jackass......
Load More Replies... Get a great couple of psychologists talking about the harm this behavior will have on developing children and you might get full custody
A few people commented above that maybe the wife had OCD but it seems that before she was into instagram she was just tidy, She does need psychological help and maybe the OP should ask for the daughter's custody because she will suffer and also need therapy. Maybe family therapy, but Op shoudl not ask but demand.Imho.
He needs to give her a copy of Girl (in Real Life) by Tamsin Winter for her to read so she can see what affect this will have on her child growing up. Not that she'd allow it in the house as the cover has very bright colours.
Am I the only one that feels like OP should try more? You have a family and a kid together, you should try everything to work it out. You once loved her, having a kid is tough. But you don't just divorce over this. Make her friends talk to her, talk to her parents, say you both need therapy. Idk but I feel like the internet is often so hard on people, you only hear one side of the story peepz of AITA
I agree with the people who said obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Get the child out of that house right away.
That's not OCD. She's a narcissist that needs a psychiatrist.
Load More Replies... Unpopular opinion, but this shows just how lacking he is in his manhood. He says he doesnt want his daughter to "live in an aesthetic", so what happens when his wife convinces a judge he cheated and she gets custody? Why didnt he just make her delete her Instagram? Its clearly addictive and she wont get help, so hes just going to allow his wife to fall into addiction? If my husband did drugs, i wouldnt allow him to bring coke into the house. No, i would drive him to the psychologist/doctor myself and he wouldnt have a choice. Im his wife, and i have that authority, just like this man does. Also, why does she need other people's approval over her husbands? Your spouse is there to be your rock. This guy was faced with a small challenge, and because he cant lead, he decided to abandon his family.
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