“She’s Extra Hormonal”: Husband Invites His Family To Stay Over For A Week Right After His Wife Gives Birth, Leaves Her Shocked
A lot happens in the first few days to a woman right when she gives birth. From after-birth pains to healing the stitches, and things like figuring out breastfeeding and suffering from ‘baby blues,’ there’s just so much to handle. No wonder that visitors, in other situations fun and exciting, can be extremely tiring for both mom and baby.
But one 27-year-old man whose wife is expecting seems to have a hard time understanding that. In a post he wrote on r/AITA not so long ago, he explained that his parents continually complained about not spending Christmas with them and demanded he make it up to them. “I said I was open for any suggestions they had and they suggested they come stay with us for a week once the baby is born,” Joseph Pecker Jr wrote.
Unbeknownst to his heavily pregnant wife who’s due about any day, he invited his whole family to stay over for a week right after she gave birth. You need not guess how upset it made her for obvious reasons. Read the full story below and be sure to share your thoughts in the comment section!
A man shared on r/AITA how his pregnant wife got upset over him inviting his whole family over for a week right after she gives birth
Image credits: Jeena Paradies (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to Jane Parker, a strategic intervention advanced relationship coach who helps people to have successful, fulfilling and healthy relationships, to find out more about what exactly a woman is going through after giving birth. Jane explained that after a woman has given birth, she is making huge changes, physically, emotionally, mentally and practically. “This can be overwhelming and scary. A supportive partner can make all the difference to this time. Certainty for the woman is imperative and a lot of this can come from the partner.”
Moreover, new life stages can be challenging for couples, Jane argues. “We need to reassess our roles, what we need and what our partner needs. Assuming that things will carry on as usual with such a momentous life change as having a baby can harm a relationship and damage trust. Maneuvering the changes together as a couple is imperative and this requires empathy, understanding, and an open mind,” she said and added that becoming a parent requires us all to change in different ways.
The author also added a couple of points
The challenges a woman faces after giving birth are mental, physical, emotional and practical. “There is also adjusting to the new demands made upon her, her new role in life, the pressure to get it all right or get it all done can be huge for many. It is an immense change for her on many levels,” Jane explained.
Moreover, she argues, there is so much uncertainty for a new mother that it can be overwhelming. “First-time parents don’t know what to expect mentally, physically and emotionally, and this increases the need for understanding, certainty, respect of boundaries, space, and privacy to deal with all of these things as they arise. All of the mother’s energy needs to be focused on herself and the baby’s well-being where possible.”
The new mother will possibly feel vulnerable so her feelings need to be considered at all times, an expert says
According to the relationship coach, “every new mother is different, of course, so there needs to be consistent and open communication between partners to create an understanding of what they both need and want.” Jane also said that the mother will possibly feel quite vulnerable and protective after having a baby and so her feelings need to be considered at all times. “Some mothers may want a parent or close friend nearby for support and so a conversation about these things before and after the baby arrives is imperative.”
“I would say that if you would like family to come and visit, try to set a length of time that they can stay. Of course, the family wants to see the baby but them staying for hours may be exhausting or stressful for the new parents so maybe suggest that they come round for half an hour or an hour, and at a time that suits you both,” Jane suggested.
She also added that the question that new dads can ask themselves about their partner at this time is “What do they need? (If they don’t know this then ask their partner).” According to Jane, “if they ask themselves this on a regular basis and take action on it, their new mum will feel loved, significant, protected and considered. This will build trust and help to strengthen their relationship at a challenging time.”
But most people thought that the author messed up
245Kviews
Share on Facebook
Mega asshole! (Edit: Of course, I meant OP and not Cecily Holland)
Load More Replies...
Talk about inconsiderate! Not just the husband but his whole family.
They are not decent, considerate people or they wouldn't demand their son "makes it up to them" when they don't see each other for Christmas, and they would never dream of inviting themselves to a home with a newborn.
Load More Replies...
His complete lack of awareness or empathy are staggering. Despite all the evidence he continues to insist he's right, dismissing his wife's thoughts. I only hope he's listening to the replies.
I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, somehow not understanding how exhausting the experience is. It's possible to just be really dumb and inexperienced but still nice. But then it became clear that he's a lot more concerned about being right than about learning why he was wrong. Instead of listening to his wife, he's explaining that she's "being extra hormonal." Anyways, why can't he just tell them to come next month or so, when the mother is more comfortable?
Load More Replies...
My maternal grandmother had 10 kids. After my grandfather died, she made it part of her responsibilities to offer to come and help each of her children when they had new babies—-but only if everyone agreed to it, and certainly not right after the birth, unless requested. She usually stayed for a month or two, longer of asked, and was a huge help with easing the burden off the new mom. Especially if there were other small children in the house. But she was always invited to come and help. She never assumed and intruded. That’s how it should be. When your kids are grown and have families of their own, you take a step back and let them run their own houses—-unless it an emergency intervention. Period.
I fell a little bit in love with your grandmother by reading this!
Load More Replies...
OP is a massive asshole. I cannot fathom how he can ask his wife to cancel HIS arrangements that HE made in the first place... does he even know that newborns have basically no immunity and how big risk ANY infection (not just covid) is for both the child and his wife? I hope he sucks his ego up and cancels this s**t show he is so adamantly trying to put his wife through...
Melodramatic??? YTA for that insult alone. OP is WAY too immature to be a father, much less a husband. I can't imagine how she feels learning she's in all alone and she can't rely on her husband at all and that he's too cowardly to say no to his irritating, pushy family. The fact that he wants to throw her under the bus makes me question the strength of their marriage. He obviously hasn't given a second thought to what pregnancy entails, much less giving birth. If my husband was that disinterested in learning anything about it, and knowing he will be beyond useless and a burden to her, I'd seriously consider divorce. She's going to be a single mother anyway. Belittling her and discrediting her feelings proves what a complete jerk he is. Poor wife and poor kid!
His family clearly comes before her. She should run as soon as she can. Notice how he says his mother could help, but the things she could help with is stuff like cleaning and cooking. That would benefit him, not his wife who wouldn't have any less brestfeeding to do and would have to deal with guests in her house while she is recovering. And he somehow thinks the wife inviting her mother and sister to help (which would probably involve helping her bathe and go to the toilet as she recovers) is the same. Total douchebag.
Load More Replies...
My MIL "offered" her son to come and help me after our baby was born (she already had packed bags and a train ticket). I told him that if she comes, I will go with the baby to a close friend (who's a midwife) and he can spend some bonding time with his mother. Guess what? She didn't take the train.
So good for you! I was too insecure to say no to my MIL, and she's the worst! I so much regret that she was with me when I had a baby, she was so inconsiderate. Telling me not to eat so much one day after birth when I had lost a lot of blood. Constantly talking, messing with the curtains, which drove me crazy, all the time critizising everything I did! A horrible experience
Load More Replies...
Wow, I actually feel so sorry for this woman who now has to raise her baby alongside such an immature and egotistical partner. The first commenter on the main post really seemed to explain the situation perfectly. I really hope this guy reads her explanation and realises his own mistake.
Total asshole. Starting with the idea that because they couldn't visit for Christmas (yeah, pregnant wife travelling to different state during a pandemic surge!?!) that they had something to make up to the in-laws. I loved my in-laws. We got along great. That doesn't mean I would have wanted them spending a week right after giving birth. Esp. if my husband didn't even ask me about it.
YTA! No words strong enough to to emphasize just how much of an ass you are.
Solution? 1) Get your family a hotel room and tell them that you will call them each when and if it is ok to come over. 2) Spend the rest of your life learning from this mistake and making up for being a mansplaining asshole who can't admit it when he is wrong.
I don't hink this guy understand that a woman the week after birth is basically sick. Who wants guests when they feel like crap?
Y'all are missing something critical here, the wife in theory is going to be around and part of his life after his folks are dead and gone (if everything goes as planned). You're supposed to be making a strong and lasting relationship WITH HER, your priority and dedication is to HER, not your folks. To begin with she should have been consulted, and then since you failed that test you have to do damage control. Be a true partner, not a saboteur in your relationship please.
It's worrying how his parents get so upset about the couple not spending Xmas with them. In his own words, they were 'demanding we make it up to them'. Do they ever get to spend Xmas with her family, or on their own, as a couple ? OP has been raised to think of his parents alone as his family and doesn't realize that he and his wife are his family now, more so with the baby. He needs to learn different, and fast.
Load More Replies...
Wow is he new at this. I mean, I think I’ve read this exact sort of story in a text book… like what not to do for the first month after birth.
I would pack up the baby, herself and a weeks worth of supplies and go to her mom's. Let him explain why mom and baby will be gone for a week. He is a sh#thead and an idiot.
Not everyone has a mom to go to and for some it's not easy to travel. Plus it's he home too
Load More Replies... Hi responses to people telling him how much of an idiot he is being are so disheartening. He is doubling down even though he clearly understands nothing about what childbirth and taking care of a newborn is like. This manchild is not mature enough to be a father. If he doesn't back down I hope his wife goes to her mothers, tells no one about the birth until after the fact and then sends him divorce papers.
Wow a bit of an overreaction there. I know it was stupid and selfish of him to invite his family. But immediate divorce?
Load More Replies...
He has NO idea how much work goes into hosting guests. Dude, you need to cancel this get together and then maybe pack a bag for yourself for a few days.
If the worst happens and she can't get the visit cancelled, this is her chance to teach him exactly how much work goes into hosting guests! She should refuse to do a damn bit of cooking or cleaning, spend time with the baby when he expects her to "entertain" his parents, completely check out of the hostess role this one time. Okay, he'll probably flounder and his mother will take over the household tasks, but at least she'll have someone else doing all the gruntwork.
Load More Replies...
YTA. You didn't even discuss this with her before planning it with your family, and blaming the family that it was THEIR suggestion just makes you a coward. She shares the house with you, that means you check with her before inviting anyone round, whether it's family or your buddies wanting to come over and have a beer. Birth is traumatic and exhausting, If i'd just given birth I wouldn't want to see anyone for at least a month while I heal, recuperate and bond with the newborn. You absolutely took that away from her, not only the act but the CHOICE of the act was decided by you. Is she just breeding cattle to you? Have more respect for your partner, grow a pair and learn to stand up to your family on creating boundaries, you're not a 17yr old idiot attending family blowouts anymore, you're a father. Start fuc*ing acting like it, or move back in with mommy and start sucking on her apron strings again. A-Hole.
I don't believe this. He's hitting all the stupidest things to say. This can't be true.
Yes he is the asshole. As soon as he described his pregnant wife as "extra hormonal" I knew where this was going. "Poor me and my family" kind of guy when his wife is going through pregnancy and is about to give birth (that s**t is HARD!). Grrrrr.
Dude's a HUGE asshole!!!...His parents are even bigger ones for agreeing to come. I just can't stand when parents/in-laws decide to act entitled and forget how they felt in their past when faced with a situation like this or any other situation where it feels like family is forcing themselves in on their relationship. MIL should have had the gumption to tell her son that they can spend time together once baby and new mom are settled. Also if hubby needs to understand that his wife and childs feelings are priority #1, if he's willing to put them on the back burner to keep his parents happy you need to re-evaluate your marriage.
I think it's time to cut TWO umbilical cords after the baby arrives. I guess OP is still attached to his.
According to my MIL, 4 days after my husband was born, everyone was driving her insane with "help" so my FIL told her to pack everything up that she would need for a 2 week trip and if she needed longer they would buy what they needed. Then they loaded up into his plane (he has his pilot's license) and he flew her and his newborn to a job site in a totally different state. It was her first kid, but his 3rd kid. He knew how to handle that and saw she losing her mind. This was also back in 1981. Lol
Family of assholes. My god. Astounding someone so inconsiderate could be in an adult relationship in the first place
The people making comments are correct. As to the OP's edit. Your wife "normally" likes your family around. OK, but NOT for a week when her priority is her newborn and getting herself healthy. Yes, you are between a rock and a hard place but you put yourself there and it's your responsibility to get out of there, not hers. YOU made the invitation to YOUR family, YOU make the call. Why would you relegate your wife and newborn to her bedroom and bathroom with the doors locked for an entire week, because that's where she will be if she doesn't just leave? Suggestion: Call your parents. Pick the one most likely to hear your message. Apologize for agreeing to their visit. You spoke too soon and neglected to check with your wife and she really doesn't think she will be up for visitors. You agree with your wife after discussing it with her. Apologize again and offer to get in touch with new plans once your family is more settled in. Do NOT offer a new date until wife gives an ok.
if he had surgery would he like having a house full of guests? Probably not, add a newborn and hell no. idiot
I had been forced to face similar situation. At my second baby's birth my husband invited his whole family n his sisters whole family to stay using the same reason that we need help with baby. What they did in those 15 days was travel n sight seeing nearest places n left me to take care of old age people of family with the baby. I had to cook n clean n everything. And now they talk fondly how they all enjoyed those days at family dinners . I remind each of them everytime that how I suffered at that time n nobody bothered.
Yep, Buddy, you are between a rock and a hard place, right where you put yourself. Assuming that your mother actually gave birth, I'd wonder if she doesn't have a bit of dementia in that she thinks a full week of full family visit is a good idea. Whatever, you're the AH for going along with this cockamamie idea. Cancel the visit. Make apologies all around and hope your wife is speaking to you by the time the child is old enough for school.
How about you take your responsibility seriously and atop relying on your family to take care of your newborn. I don't get why she wanted a child when she already had one, apparently
After I gave birth I struggled even having just my mum there (after having two weeks alone with husband and baby), as she was desperate to be helpful but the sheer effort of thinking of things for her to do was too much for me at the time.
OP is certainly AH. His parents nor himself are decent human if they insisted this is okay.
What an idiot. Even as a man, I can see that this is typical male "mars and Venus" thoughtlessness. Most straightforward YTA I've ever seen.
Ok, relax everyone. Yes, what he did was stupid and inconsiderate. But some of you are suggesting divorce and custody battles, and claiming he will be an unfit father!
Anyone who is still this clueless about childbirth and unsupportive of his wife at such a vulnerable time will not be a good father.
Load More Replies...
Jesus f*****g Christ... I think i need some bleach for my eyes after what i've read. Inviting your whole family, for a week, without talking to your spouse, Is an a*****e move any other day. If she's going to be postpartum, you have to be lunatic or complete egomaniac to came up with something like this...
Poor guy, he is so afraid of his family. Really sorry for the nice woman he got as mother of his baby. I know that kind of story, I know it well. His family will have him, woman and the child will be away soon. This kind of man are so desperate, needing their mummy, so afraid.......
WTF, this is HIS baby too! He is not just some sperm donor. It's their child, not just hers. Ladies, just because you gave birth, doesn't mean all decisions about the baby is yours. You are insulting him like he is just some random dude with no connection to the baby. The father HAS the same rights like the mother.
But he doesn't have the right to invite anyone for an extended visit immediately after the baby is born, unless he's giving birth.
Load More Replies...
He says his family “isn’t the intrusive type” yet his family invited themselves over to their house for when they get home from the hospital because they’re upset they didn’t visit them during the holidays? I think his wife and I both have different definitions of “intrusive” as he does.
What an inconsiderate jack-ass. I'd have my own mother pick me & the baby up at the hospital and spend a week with HER, being pampered and cared for in a loving environment. He needs to get his head out of his ass - or find a good attorney.
One might think that a mother of a newborn might see the arrival of her husband's parents as a blessing from above: she gets help with the baby and the house chores, right? But it's important to understand that it's difficult to accept help. What I mean is that she would certainly be in a vulnerable state (euphemism for "a mess"): tired, possibly in a diaper, bleeding, learning to breastfeed... I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't be happy to be seen in such delicate "conditions" by anyone, not even by the in-laws. I for one would only be willing to accept help by my SO, by my mother and, maybe, my sister. The presence of the in-laws would only mean more work to look presentable, definitely not more help.
yes, you are the asshole! she`s right about wanting intimacy to bond , to recover, and to be as "hormonal" as she needs. no matter how nice and helpful and caring your family is, it`s still an intrusion in this delicate, intimate and overwhelming time. you are the one who should talk to your parents, not her. i think they will understand it.
Hopefully he’s disinvited them by now. There are many good reasons he shouldn’t have entertained that notion but I expect that he has NO idea how to handle his new responsibilities or how much air guests suck out of intimate moments. He has no idea the physical or mental condition his wife will be in or how much attention she’ll need. This is where men gain solid points on the husband and daddy track. Maybe they can compromise and set up a meet and greet for one overnight visit a week or two following the birth. I’m guessing the OP’s mom bottle fed which is why she mentioned visiting so soon in the first place. Bottle feeding is so much easier. The wife wants to be alone with her baby and husband and figure out her new routines. You can’t do that with a house full of people.
This guy is a total AH because he seems very immature (he us actually older than his wife too). Whilst he is totally in the wrong, I dont understand why so many people recommend divorce. Unbelievable, first issue and people suggest divorce rather than working on the marriage or anything else. Why do any of you bother getting married if no.1 you don't know the person well enough? and no.2 if you will simply look to get divorced at the first argument? I believe that one day this guy will look back at this and realise how wrong he was about this situation and hopefully teach his kids accordingly. A lot of you on here would prefer he doesn't get a chance to be even near his kid thus suggesting that the kid should be brought up in a broken home... if this is you the like the guy himself you are also an AH
I hope she dumps him and takes the kid far far away, never to be seen by any of those inconsiderate a-holes. She can do way better for herself and the baby.
So you hope the mother kidnaps their child? That's what it would be - kidnapping.
Load More Replies...
That girl really went all in with this asshole. Kind of her fault, too, for that.
People always get married for the wrong reasons or too soon
Load More Replies...
Another huge red flag. If I could respond to wife directly: Take full custody, divorce, restrict access until the sperm donor has grown up to be a considerate man that supports his new immediate family and knows that his mommy and daddy are not priority. His baby and his wife come first. Also You 200% deserved to be kicked out! You never invite even family to visit a newborn, you never do it without asking mother (yes even if child is yours). Your wife is correct you didn't invite them to visit for an hour but to stay with you, this will affect family bonding as she now has to entertain guests. I really want to shoot you in the leg, but it seems you already shot yourself in the knees. Ps! Not forgivable! Pandemic, Christmas, whatever sob story your family used to decide when they visit you, it was your job to say no. I don't believe in God, but bless your wife if she hasn't taken your soul yet. You're by definition an asshole.
Your recommendations to the wife are outrageously unreasonable. Her husband made a huge mistake but divorce and a custody battle are on a completely different level. If I had to decide about your comment I clearly would say YTA.
Load More Replies...
Mega asshole! (Edit: Of course, I meant OP and not Cecily Holland)
Load More Replies... Talk about inconsiderate! Not just the husband but his whole family.
They are not decent, considerate people or they wouldn't demand their son "makes it up to them" when they don't see each other for Christmas, and they would never dream of inviting themselves to a home with a newborn.
Load More Replies... His complete lack of awareness or empathy are staggering. Despite all the evidence he continues to insist he's right, dismissing his wife's thoughts. I only hope he's listening to the replies.
I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, somehow not understanding how exhausting the experience is. It's possible to just be really dumb and inexperienced but still nice. But then it became clear that he's a lot more concerned about being right than about learning why he was wrong. Instead of listening to his wife, he's explaining that she's "being extra hormonal." Anyways, why can't he just tell them to come next month or so, when the mother is more comfortable?
Load More Replies... My maternal grandmother had 10 kids. After my grandfather died, she made it part of her responsibilities to offer to come and help each of her children when they had new babies—-but only if everyone agreed to it, and certainly not right after the birth, unless requested. She usually stayed for a month or two, longer of asked, and was a huge help with easing the burden off the new mom. Especially if there were other small children in the house. But she was always invited to come and help. She never assumed and intruded. That’s how it should be. When your kids are grown and have families of their own, you take a step back and let them run their own houses—-unless it an emergency intervention. Period.
I fell a little bit in love with your grandmother by reading this!
Load More Replies... OP is a massive asshole. I cannot fathom how he can ask his wife to cancel HIS arrangements that HE made in the first place... does he even know that newborns have basically no immunity and how big risk ANY infection (not just covid) is for both the child and his wife? I hope he sucks his ego up and cancels this s**t show he is so adamantly trying to put his wife through...
Melodramatic??? YTA for that insult alone. OP is WAY too immature to be a father, much less a husband. I can't imagine how she feels learning she's in all alone and she can't rely on her husband at all and that he's too cowardly to say no to his irritating, pushy family. The fact that he wants to throw her under the bus makes me question the strength of their marriage. He obviously hasn't given a second thought to what pregnancy entails, much less giving birth. If my husband was that disinterested in learning anything about it, and knowing he will be beyond useless and a burden to her, I'd seriously consider divorce. She's going to be a single mother anyway. Belittling her and discrediting her feelings proves what a complete jerk he is. Poor wife and poor kid!
His family clearly comes before her. She should run as soon as she can. Notice how he says his mother could help, but the things she could help with is stuff like cleaning and cooking. That would benefit him, not his wife who wouldn't have any less brestfeeding to do and would have to deal with guests in her house while she is recovering. And he somehow thinks the wife inviting her mother and sister to help (which would probably involve helping her bathe and go to the toilet as she recovers) is the same. Total douchebag.
Load More Replies... My MIL "offered" her son to come and help me after our baby was born (she already had packed bags and a train ticket). I told him that if she comes, I will go with the baby to a close friend (who's a midwife) and he can spend some bonding time with his mother. Guess what? She didn't take the train.
So good for you! I was too insecure to say no to my MIL, and she's the worst! I so much regret that she was with me when I had a baby, she was so inconsiderate. Telling me not to eat so much one day after birth when I had lost a lot of blood. Constantly talking, messing with the curtains, which drove me crazy, all the time critizising everything I did! A horrible experience
Load More Replies... Wow, I actually feel so sorry for this woman who now has to raise her baby alongside such an immature and egotistical partner. The first commenter on the main post really seemed to explain the situation perfectly. I really hope this guy reads her explanation and realises his own mistake.
Total asshole. Starting with the idea that because they couldn't visit for Christmas (yeah, pregnant wife travelling to different state during a pandemic surge!?!) that they had something to make up to the in-laws. I loved my in-laws. We got along great. That doesn't mean I would have wanted them spending a week right after giving birth. Esp. if my husband didn't even ask me about it.
YTA! No words strong enough to to emphasize just how much of an ass you are.
Solution? 1) Get your family a hotel room and tell them that you will call them each when and if it is ok to come over. 2) Spend the rest of your life learning from this mistake and making up for being a mansplaining asshole who can't admit it when he is wrong.
I don't hink this guy understand that a woman the week after birth is basically sick. Who wants guests when they feel like crap?
Y'all are missing something critical here, the wife in theory is going to be around and part of his life after his folks are dead and gone (if everything goes as planned). You're supposed to be making a strong and lasting relationship WITH HER, your priority and dedication is to HER, not your folks. To begin with she should have been consulted, and then since you failed that test you have to do damage control. Be a true partner, not a saboteur in your relationship please.
It's worrying how his parents get so upset about the couple not spending Xmas with them. In his own words, they were 'demanding we make it up to them'. Do they ever get to spend Xmas with her family, or on their own, as a couple ? OP has been raised to think of his parents alone as his family and doesn't realize that he and his wife are his family now, more so with the baby. He needs to learn different, and fast.
Load More Replies... Wow is he new at this. I mean, I think I’ve read this exact sort of story in a text book… like what not to do for the first month after birth.
I would pack up the baby, herself and a weeks worth of supplies and go to her mom's. Let him explain why mom and baby will be gone for a week. He is a sh#thead and an idiot.
Not everyone has a mom to go to and for some it's not easy to travel. Plus it's he home too
Load More Replies... Hi responses to people telling him how much of an idiot he is being are so disheartening. He is doubling down even though he clearly understands nothing about what childbirth and taking care of a newborn is like. This manchild is not mature enough to be a father. If he doesn't back down I hope his wife goes to her mothers, tells no one about the birth until after the fact and then sends him divorce papers.
Wow a bit of an overreaction there. I know it was stupid and selfish of him to invite his family. But immediate divorce?
Load More Replies... He has NO idea how much work goes into hosting guests. Dude, you need to cancel this get together and then maybe pack a bag for yourself for a few days.
If the worst happens and she can't get the visit cancelled, this is her chance to teach him exactly how much work goes into hosting guests! She should refuse to do a damn bit of cooking or cleaning, spend time with the baby when he expects her to "entertain" his parents, completely check out of the hostess role this one time. Okay, he'll probably flounder and his mother will take over the household tasks, but at least she'll have someone else doing all the gruntwork.
Load More Replies... YTA. You didn't even discuss this with her before planning it with your family, and blaming the family that it was THEIR suggestion just makes you a coward. She shares the house with you, that means you check with her before inviting anyone round, whether it's family or your buddies wanting to come over and have a beer. Birth is traumatic and exhausting, If i'd just given birth I wouldn't want to see anyone for at least a month while I heal, recuperate and bond with the newborn. You absolutely took that away from her, not only the act but the CHOICE of the act was decided by you. Is she just breeding cattle to you? Have more respect for your partner, grow a pair and learn to stand up to your family on creating boundaries, you're not a 17yr old idiot attending family blowouts anymore, you're a father. Start fuc*ing acting like it, or move back in with mommy and start sucking on her apron strings again. A-Hole.
I don't believe this. He's hitting all the stupidest things to say. This can't be true.
Yes he is the asshole. As soon as he described his pregnant wife as "extra hormonal" I knew where this was going. "Poor me and my family" kind of guy when his wife is going through pregnancy and is about to give birth (that s**t is HARD!). Grrrrr.
Dude's a HUGE asshole!!!...His parents are even bigger ones for agreeing to come. I just can't stand when parents/in-laws decide to act entitled and forget how they felt in their past when faced with a situation like this or any other situation where it feels like family is forcing themselves in on their relationship. MIL should have had the gumption to tell her son that they can spend time together once baby and new mom are settled. Also if hubby needs to understand that his wife and childs feelings are priority #1, if he's willing to put them on the back burner to keep his parents happy you need to re-evaluate your marriage.
I think it's time to cut TWO umbilical cords after the baby arrives. I guess OP is still attached to his.
According to my MIL, 4 days after my husband was born, everyone was driving her insane with "help" so my FIL told her to pack everything up that she would need for a 2 week trip and if she needed longer they would buy what they needed. Then they loaded up into his plane (he has his pilot's license) and he flew her and his newborn to a job site in a totally different state. It was her first kid, but his 3rd kid. He knew how to handle that and saw she losing her mind. This was also back in 1981. Lol
Family of assholes. My god. Astounding someone so inconsiderate could be in an adult relationship in the first place
The people making comments are correct. As to the OP's edit. Your wife "normally" likes your family around. OK, but NOT for a week when her priority is her newborn and getting herself healthy. Yes, you are between a rock and a hard place but you put yourself there and it's your responsibility to get out of there, not hers. YOU made the invitation to YOUR family, YOU make the call. Why would you relegate your wife and newborn to her bedroom and bathroom with the doors locked for an entire week, because that's where she will be if she doesn't just leave? Suggestion: Call your parents. Pick the one most likely to hear your message. Apologize for agreeing to their visit. You spoke too soon and neglected to check with your wife and she really doesn't think she will be up for visitors. You agree with your wife after discussing it with her. Apologize again and offer to get in touch with new plans once your family is more settled in. Do NOT offer a new date until wife gives an ok.
if he had surgery would he like having a house full of guests? Probably not, add a newborn and hell no. idiot
I had been forced to face similar situation. At my second baby's birth my husband invited his whole family n his sisters whole family to stay using the same reason that we need help with baby. What they did in those 15 days was travel n sight seeing nearest places n left me to take care of old age people of family with the baby. I had to cook n clean n everything. And now they talk fondly how they all enjoyed those days at family dinners . I remind each of them everytime that how I suffered at that time n nobody bothered.
Yep, Buddy, you are between a rock and a hard place, right where you put yourself. Assuming that your mother actually gave birth, I'd wonder if she doesn't have a bit of dementia in that she thinks a full week of full family visit is a good idea. Whatever, you're the AH for going along with this cockamamie idea. Cancel the visit. Make apologies all around and hope your wife is speaking to you by the time the child is old enough for school.
How about you take your responsibility seriously and atop relying on your family to take care of your newborn. I don't get why she wanted a child when she already had one, apparently
After I gave birth I struggled even having just my mum there (after having two weeks alone with husband and baby), as she was desperate to be helpful but the sheer effort of thinking of things for her to do was too much for me at the time.
OP is certainly AH. His parents nor himself are decent human if they insisted this is okay.
What an idiot. Even as a man, I can see that this is typical male "mars and Venus" thoughtlessness. Most straightforward YTA I've ever seen.
Ok, relax everyone. Yes, what he did was stupid and inconsiderate. But some of you are suggesting divorce and custody battles, and claiming he will be an unfit father!
Anyone who is still this clueless about childbirth and unsupportive of his wife at such a vulnerable time will not be a good father.
Load More Replies... Jesus f*****g Christ... I think i need some bleach for my eyes after what i've read. Inviting your whole family, for a week, without talking to your spouse, Is an a*****e move any other day. If she's going to be postpartum, you have to be lunatic or complete egomaniac to came up with something like this...
Poor guy, he is so afraid of his family. Really sorry for the nice woman he got as mother of his baby. I know that kind of story, I know it well. His family will have him, woman and the child will be away soon. This kind of man are so desperate, needing their mummy, so afraid.......
WTF, this is HIS baby too! He is not just some sperm donor. It's their child, not just hers. Ladies, just because you gave birth, doesn't mean all decisions about the baby is yours. You are insulting him like he is just some random dude with no connection to the baby. The father HAS the same rights like the mother.
But he doesn't have the right to invite anyone for an extended visit immediately after the baby is born, unless he's giving birth.
Load More Replies... He says his family “isn’t the intrusive type” yet his family invited themselves over to their house for when they get home from the hospital because they’re upset they didn’t visit them during the holidays? I think his wife and I both have different definitions of “intrusive” as he does.
What an inconsiderate jack-ass. I'd have my own mother pick me & the baby up at the hospital and spend a week with HER, being pampered and cared for in a loving environment. He needs to get his head out of his ass - or find a good attorney.
One might think that a mother of a newborn might see the arrival of her husband's parents as a blessing from above: she gets help with the baby and the house chores, right? But it's important to understand that it's difficult to accept help. What I mean is that she would certainly be in a vulnerable state (euphemism for "a mess"): tired, possibly in a diaper, bleeding, learning to breastfeed... I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't be happy to be seen in such delicate "conditions" by anyone, not even by the in-laws. I for one would only be willing to accept help by my SO, by my mother and, maybe, my sister. The presence of the in-laws would only mean more work to look presentable, definitely not more help.
yes, you are the asshole! she`s right about wanting intimacy to bond , to recover, and to be as "hormonal" as she needs. no matter how nice and helpful and caring your family is, it`s still an intrusion in this delicate, intimate and overwhelming time. you are the one who should talk to your parents, not her. i think they will understand it.
Hopefully he’s disinvited them by now. There are many good reasons he shouldn’t have entertained that notion but I expect that he has NO idea how to handle his new responsibilities or how much air guests suck out of intimate moments. He has no idea the physical or mental condition his wife will be in or how much attention she’ll need. This is where men gain solid points on the husband and daddy track. Maybe they can compromise and set up a meet and greet for one overnight visit a week or two following the birth. I’m guessing the OP’s mom bottle fed which is why she mentioned visiting so soon in the first place. Bottle feeding is so much easier. The wife wants to be alone with her baby and husband and figure out her new routines. You can’t do that with a house full of people.
This guy is a total AH because he seems very immature (he us actually older than his wife too). Whilst he is totally in the wrong, I dont understand why so many people recommend divorce. Unbelievable, first issue and people suggest divorce rather than working on the marriage or anything else. Why do any of you bother getting married if no.1 you don't know the person well enough? and no.2 if you will simply look to get divorced at the first argument? I believe that one day this guy will look back at this and realise how wrong he was about this situation and hopefully teach his kids accordingly. A lot of you on here would prefer he doesn't get a chance to be even near his kid thus suggesting that the kid should be brought up in a broken home... if this is you the like the guy himself you are also an AH
I hope she dumps him and takes the kid far far away, never to be seen by any of those inconsiderate a-holes. She can do way better for herself and the baby.
So you hope the mother kidnaps their child? That's what it would be - kidnapping.
Load More Replies... That girl really went all in with this asshole. Kind of her fault, too, for that.
People always get married for the wrong reasons or too soon
Load More Replies... Another huge red flag. If I could respond to wife directly: Take full custody, divorce, restrict access until the sperm donor has grown up to be a considerate man that supports his new immediate family and knows that his mommy and daddy are not priority. His baby and his wife come first. Also You 200% deserved to be kicked out! You never invite even family to visit a newborn, you never do it without asking mother (yes even if child is yours). Your wife is correct you didn't invite them to visit for an hour but to stay with you, this will affect family bonding as she now has to entertain guests. I really want to shoot you in the leg, but it seems you already shot yourself in the knees. Ps! Not forgivable! Pandemic, Christmas, whatever sob story your family used to decide when they visit you, it was your job to say no. I don't believe in God, but bless your wife if she hasn't taken your soul yet. You're by definition an asshole.
Your recommendations to the wife are outrageously unreasonable. Her husband made a huge mistake but divorce and a custody battle are on a completely different level. If I had to decide about your comment I clearly would say YTA.
Load More Replies... 
111
131