Woman Explodes On Husband For Going On A 10-Day Hunting Trip And Leaving Her Alone With The Kids, And It Starts An Important Discussion
Interview
Mothers are superheroes who can inexplicably do it all. Well, that’s how it seems from the outside because most women are masters at keeping it all together, but the burden of having to balance a career, take care of children, and manage the household would take a toll on anybody. So maybe we shouldn’t just accept that mothers are superhuman, and instead, we should ask how we can make their lives easier and take as much as we can off of their plates.
One mother recently shared a rant on TikTok as her husband prepared to go on a long hunting trip, leaving her to manage everything at home. After that video went viral, fellow TikToker Laura Danger, or ThatDarnChat, responded with another video breaking down how common it is for women to be saddled with the majority of domestic labor in their households.
Below, you’ll find Laura’s full explanation of this double standard most households seem to have, an interview we were lucky enough to receive from her and some of the comments her video received. We would love to hear your thoughts below, as I’m sure many women out there can relate to this video. Then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article highlighting outdated expectations society has for women, you can find that right here.
After a mother’s rant went viral, TikToker Laura Danger expanded on the conversation about how often women shoulder the majority of domestic labor responsibilities
Image credits: thatdarnchat
First, Laura shared a portion of the video where a mother complained about her husband leaving for a long hunting trip
Laura noted that her followers had shared the video with her
Image credits: thatdarnchat
The wife continued to explain to her husband why she was upset
Image credits: thatdarnchat
Laura then broke down how common this issue is, citing studies on the topic as well
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
She then shared a list of the tasks that it takes to run a household
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
Finally, Laura encouraged women to start advocating for themselves
You can watch Laura’s full video right here
@thatdarnchat It doesn’t have to be this way!!!! I have a Fair Play playlist and more resources to share. Stop carrying the mental load!! #fairplaymethod ♬ original sound – Laura Danger
We reached out to Laura via email to hear what inspired her to respond to this video in the first place. “I’ve been talking about domestic labor online for the last year or so, and I’ve come to realize just how deeply this dynamic is affecting couples,” Laura told Bored Panda. “Not only are women losing, reporting higher stress levels than their male counterparts, but they’re getting passed up at work and missing out on fulfilling opportunities outside of work. In the video, she so clearly illustrates the frustration that many primary caregivers are dealing with,” she explained. “I’m a Fair Play facilitator, which is the system I highlight in the video. Eve Rodsky, the author of the Fair Play book, breaks down what it takes to run a household and how to truly share the mental load. In my opinion, that’s REAL home equity.”
When it comes to her goal in sharing videos like this, Laura told us, “I want primary caregivers to know it’s not too much to ask for equal partnership. I want to empower couples to feel like they can both be actively engaged in the mental labor of running home. In fact, in egalitarian partnerships, partners report higher relational satisfaction and tend to stay married!”
Laura went on to explain how important it is to have conversations like this, especially if you feel like your partner could be contributing more to the household. “Active partnership at home is about empowering each other to follow their dreams and live joyful lives,” she told Bored Panda. “It’s not fair if one person feels like they can freely take off for 10 days while the other person can’t do the same. Active partnership at home allows for you to support each other to take long trips, join sports leagues, volunteer or take job new job opportunities.”
“If you’re nervous about how to bring up finding a fairer balance of the mental load at home, I highly recommend checking out the Fair Play book or documentary, attending one of my Fair Play workshops or even just checking out my super short YouTube video on the topic,” Laura shared. “It’s about removing the ‘manager/employee’ partnership at home and both feeling ownership over building a life together. What’s not to love about that?”
“I love seeing this movement toward calling out inequity at home, and I have hope that the next generation will see what real partnership looks like. I’m working on a book about the topic and cannot wait to get it out into the world,” Laura added.
The mother in this video addressing her husband hit the nail on the head with this topic. Unfortunately, many men don’t even realize that while they have free time to go hunting, watch a football game or hang out with their friends, their partners are often using that time to clean, do laundry, run errands, prepare meals and take care of their children. But a partnership should be fifty-fifty, and this mother absolutely deserves to call her husband out for not contributing enough.
It seems like an outdated idea for women to be in charge of more of the household work, but unfortunately, this norm persists. And a lack of awareness among the men in these situations seems to be a common theme, as a 2021 Pew Research Center poll found that 59% of American women say they do the bulk of the household chores, while only 34% of men say that their partner handles more of the chores. And when it comes to how American moms and dads view how involved they are in their children’s lives, 54% of mothers say they are the more involved parent. Meanwhile, 63% of fathers believe that both parents are equally involved.
As Laura mentioned in the video, working a full-time job does not allow women any slack either. According to a 2020 report from the Institute for Women’s Policy, women in the United States spend, on average, 2 hours more per day cooking, cleaning, taking care of children and doing other unpaid labor than their male counterparts. And women who work at least 35 hours a week still spend 22% more time a week on household work than men.
It’s important for all of us to take a moment to stop and think about exactly how much we and our partners are contributing to the household, as one person can easily end up doing more of the work without the other person realizing. As Laura mentioned in the video, women often think, “It’s easier if I just do it myself” or, “If you want something done, just do it”. I am certainly guilty of justifying taking on extra housework for those reasons too, but at the end of the day, that mindset is taking something away from every individual who holds it. Time, energy, or perhaps even joy if you’re missing out on doing the things you really love because someone has to mop the floors and make dinner.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic down below. How are household responsibilities split in your home? And do you have any tips for ensuring that too much burden does not fall on one person? Let us know in the comments, and then if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda piece highlighting a mother who became frustrated with doing too many chores, we recommend reading this piece next.
Many viewers echoed the wife’s sentiments in the comments, with some noting their personal experiences of single-handedly holding a household together
I don't understand why people b***h at their spouses online instead of sitting them down and having a conversation in private.
They do "sit their men down and have a conversation". I promise these conversations are going on in millions of homes all over the world. The reasons they ALSO get put online are multifaceted, and include good old venting, education and awareness about the imbalance and searching for solidarity. I made it very clear to my husband before we married that I would NOT be his mother and that I expected equal contribution in the home and luckily for my husband he is exceptional at its execution, but he is an anomaly amongst our friends.
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Why do actual work when you can literally cut and paste someone else's? /s
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My wife used to take off for days at a time to attend conventions and writers' retreats. My son and I had a great time while she was gone. Keeping up the house isn't a massive chore, an hour or so a day and half a day on the weekend are sufficient. Throw in auto bill pay and it's not very hard at all. My wife picks up a vacuum cleaner or does the dishes and she'll announce it to the world that she's working hard as she eats food I bought and cooked, in a room that I cleaned, in a house that I pay 90% of the cost to live in. She hasn't changed a litter box since 1999. I understand where these women come from. Kid is grown and I live alone now- it is so nice to not take care of another person. Chore imbalance is a relationship killer it generates a ton of resentment.
I could not agree more. “Resentment” is exactly the correct word. Personally, for me, it wasn’t necessarily chore imbalance… because I didn’t mind carrying more of the load… it was feeling unappreciated. I felt as if he was ungrateful. Currently, I’m in a much more balanced relationship… in fact, I feel like he does more domestically… and we’re both very grateful people, who strive to make the other feel appreciated. It works for us.
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Never throw down about "I earn more therefore I can ___". Unless you earn enough for therapy and/or divorce.
When I was a kid my mum took a six week 'sabatical' and disappeared to Europe, leaving my dad in charge of the house and five kids aged 6 to 14. We all survived. The house did not burn down. This woman needs to take a holiday of her own, *without* doing any advance prep to make it easier for him, or go on strike, and let her husband step up and take responsibility.
That's if she trusts the husband to actually do that. If he doesn't take responsibility, the kids will be the ones who suffer.
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After my divorce, I sometimes thought it would be nice to have a partner so that it wasn't all up to me. Then it occurred to me that my ex caused so much more stress for me, that as a single parent, I even had more time than before. I'm 53 now ... and I don't even want a new partner anymore. My kids are adults and I can do, whatever I want with my time!
Me too! I may be poor and sick (low disability pension) but I'm happier now than I was in my last 3 relationships. Single for 8 years and sure it can be lonely but my daughter lives nearby and I help her with her kids frequently. I don't ever want to be in a relationship again.
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Hunting widow. I do go out for week long hunting trips. But our family works and plans for that the entire year. I have my meals all planned out for the trip. We plan out meal plans for the family at home. I do everything I can to take care of anything that could come up before I leave. It works out amazing for us. We have been married for 16 years and to us it is important for both of us to have some separate time. And it goes both ways. My wife likes to take short trips to see family. When she goes to family I take care of the house and the pets and do the house duties. It's give and take and compromise. And communication goes a long way to a happy relationship.
And that, friends and neighbours, is how things should be. I tip my hat to you guys.
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Asked my husband when we could do a family trip and he said he needed his vaycay time to hunt. I spent lots of time going on adventures with my sons and they told me years later they had good memories of those times together. But they never understood why their dad didn't want to spend time with them. He missed out on a lot and never bonded with his sons.
Seems some people in the comments are confusing the difference between “doing the chores” and the “emotional & mental labor” required to have a functional household. The issue with this post is that is too cis-het specific. There are many many relationships that follow the heteronormative household model that aren’t man/women. And I promise you that in most of them, one person takes on 80% or more of the mind labor. Queer couples are rather good at communication & division of labor within the relationship, but one person typically has to do the emotional/mental labor before even getting to the actual work. Regardless of household make-up, couples with kids have quadruple the logistics. Again, 1 person takes on the vast majority of this. Doing dishes, laundry & vacuuming isn’t even a measurable amount of domestic labor. Just ask the mold in the shower or the school holiday calendar. Anyone can keep a place picked up. That’s easy physical labor for most. And NOT OPs thesis.
She'll never be able to take her own trip because her home and family can't function without her.
Before she tosses him, she needs to realize that this 10 day is a preview of her life without him.
So odd. Maybe it's because im indigenous? But for my partner to go out to hunt, its absolutely appreciated. Depending on what he hunts, its not all beers and fun. We hunt moose and will get birds if its not successful that day. But once the moose is down... it's all hands on deck. Those men bleed, gut, pull the animal out, take it to camp and thats only the beginning. They are elbow deep cleaning the animal so it can start to be butchered... after they hang it for a day or so. Butchering is also a huge, time consuming part of it. But in the end... you have a freezer of meat that will take you thru the winter. I'm in awe at all the hunters who work so hard to provide for their families. Its ONLY 10 days a year. My community has hunters going out for 14 days or more straight looking. And its stressful on the hunters! They are so tired at the end. Be thankful you have someone willing to hunt and provide.
I very much doubt that the purpose of this guy's hunting trip is to provide for his family.
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By the time they are asleep she is exhausted but she still has to clean and start the washing machine. She is often to tired to shower before collapsing into bed which is when her partner shows up. He is working two jobs because of the cost of everything right now so is working 7 days a week. Because of my md I'm not allowed to help her with having the kids at the weekend as I used to so she could have rested even though she had to do housework, laundry and everything but it's easie
My ed has a partner who leaves absolutely everything to my daughter. He leaves at 4.30am everyday, leaving my daughter to get up with their 3 kids, get them dressed, breakfast then drop their youngest at daycare at 06.40, and the other two at school 06.50am and start work at 7am. When she finishes at 4pm she picks the boys up from the after school care and then their daughter. Takes them home, starts dinner, feeds them, then cleans up, helps them with their homework, showers the youngest and brushes her teeth and gets her ready for bed. Then the older two shower, she gives them an evening snack, brush their teeth and then spends the next hour getting them to sleep
I mean they can help eachother out. The hubby can do some meal prep and other chores before he leaves to lessen the load. And when the wife goes on her own trip hubby can take care of things. I feel like she's not asking for help and getting upset at him, ask for what you need in your relationship gurrl
All I took from this is that the husband is a hunter, therefore an a*****e
That's what I got from it. As a hunter it makes me a bit sad when this happens. My wife doesn't hunt with me but she is happy with I bring home meat for the freezer and she likes to help me process it. I'm very thankful that she helps with it.
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This is purely lack of communication. If your partner doesn't step up, delegate. If they still don't pull their weight, stop doing their laundry, dishes, etc. If that doesn't get any results, you're better off without them. If my partner goes on a 10 day vacation, I'll plan a vacation for myself when they return.
How about "step up and be a grownup instead of treating your wife like your mommy and unpaid servant?"
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If someone is going on a 10-day trip, it better not be a surprise. what kind of spouse is surprised that the other won’t be around for 10 days? No one or a truly problematic relationship. I think this was meant to be done and the OP was looking for a reason to post her list of displeasures. She could have just made a post about she believes women and men think differently.
if she is married with school age kids then she and her husband have been together for some time. this kind of issue(s) should have been addressed when they were new and/or with the addition of kids. i get the feeling that this is a rant/conversation that should have taken place before feeling the need to post about it. i was married for 32+ years. we did vacays together but also separately. even if it was a last minute invite to a getaway w/friends i guess i was fortunate that my ex was supportive & encouraging for these times and took over. the only thing after all those years that i never got him to change was leaving his damn socks/clothes on the floor on his side of the bed.
this b***h is just being dramatic, life isn't this hard, when my wife was hospitalized for 3 months, I took care of the home and our 3 kids plus a newborn which was really hard but not undoable and she is complaining about 10 days? what do her kids only have one week worth of clothing are there no pizza deliveries in her area? can the chores no wait until the weekend? stop acting like life is this complicated you are bitching just to b***h for attention on tick tock like a fucken teenager or attention whore grow up.
What a dumb “chart”. It, auto, lawn care and playing with kids all are quite energy and time consuming
First of all, I would never marry a man who likes to go hunt and kill animals. 10 days is a long time to be away especially if you have small children. I would schedule a 10 day respite for myself when he returned. If he mixed the idea, ...... God help him
Hunting is cheaper than buying meat. Venison is a lean protein and better for you than beef.
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Personally, I pick my battles. Every time I feel myself beginning to boil over, I ask myself, "Would I be doing this if I were living alone?" If the answer is yes - I just do it, and mutter to myself that my husband better hope he dies first and then I start planning how to hide the body...
It's not a problem unless it's a constant unbalanced situation.
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I don't understand why people b***h at their spouses online instead of sitting them down and having a conversation in private.
They do "sit their men down and have a conversation". I promise these conversations are going on in millions of homes all over the world. The reasons they ALSO get put online are multifaceted, and include good old venting, education and awareness about the imbalance and searching for solidarity. I made it very clear to my husband before we married that I would NOT be his mother and that I expected equal contribution in the home and luckily for my husband he is exceptional at its execution, but he is an anomaly amongst our friends.
Load More Replies... Why do actual work when you can literally cut and paste someone else's? /s
Load More Replies... My wife used to take off for days at a time to attend conventions and writers' retreats. My son and I had a great time while she was gone. Keeping up the house isn't a massive chore, an hour or so a day and half a day on the weekend are sufficient. Throw in auto bill pay and it's not very hard at all. My wife picks up a vacuum cleaner or does the dishes and she'll announce it to the world that she's working hard as she eats food I bought and cooked, in a room that I cleaned, in a house that I pay 90% of the cost to live in. She hasn't changed a litter box since 1999. I understand where these women come from. Kid is grown and I live alone now- it is so nice to not take care of another person. Chore imbalance is a relationship killer it generates a ton of resentment.
I could not agree more. “Resentment” is exactly the correct word. Personally, for me, it wasn’t necessarily chore imbalance… because I didn’t mind carrying more of the load… it was feeling unappreciated. I felt as if he was ungrateful. Currently, I’m in a much more balanced relationship… in fact, I feel like he does more domestically… and we’re both very grateful people, who strive to make the other feel appreciated. It works for us.
Load More Replies... Never throw down about "I earn more therefore I can ___". Unless you earn enough for therapy and/or divorce.
When I was a kid my mum took a six week 'sabatical' and disappeared to Europe, leaving my dad in charge of the house and five kids aged 6 to 14. We all survived. The house did not burn down. This woman needs to take a holiday of her own, *without* doing any advance prep to make it easier for him, or go on strike, and let her husband step up and take responsibility.
That's if she trusts the husband to actually do that. If he doesn't take responsibility, the kids will be the ones who suffer.
Load More Replies... After my divorce, I sometimes thought it would be nice to have a partner so that it wasn't all up to me. Then it occurred to me that my ex caused so much more stress for me, that as a single parent, I even had more time than before. I'm 53 now ... and I don't even want a new partner anymore. My kids are adults and I can do, whatever I want with my time!
Me too! I may be poor and sick (low disability pension) but I'm happier now than I was in my last 3 relationships. Single for 8 years and sure it can be lonely but my daughter lives nearby and I help her with her kids frequently. I don't ever want to be in a relationship again.
Load More Replies... Hunting widow. I do go out for week long hunting trips. But our family works and plans for that the entire year. I have my meals all planned out for the trip. We plan out meal plans for the family at home. I do everything I can to take care of anything that could come up before I leave. It works out amazing for us. We have been married for 16 years and to us it is important for both of us to have some separate time. And it goes both ways. My wife likes to take short trips to see family. When she goes to family I take care of the house and the pets and do the house duties. It's give and take and compromise. And communication goes a long way to a happy relationship.
And that, friends and neighbours, is how things should be. I tip my hat to you guys.
Load More Replies... Asked my husband when we could do a family trip and he said he needed his vaycay time to hunt. I spent lots of time going on adventures with my sons and they told me years later they had good memories of those times together. But they never understood why their dad didn't want to spend time with them. He missed out on a lot and never bonded with his sons.
Seems some people in the comments are confusing the difference between “doing the chores” and the “emotional & mental labor” required to have a functional household. The issue with this post is that is too cis-het specific. There are many many relationships that follow the heteronormative household model that aren’t man/women. And I promise you that in most of them, one person takes on 80% or more of the mind labor. Queer couples are rather good at communication & division of labor within the relationship, but one person typically has to do the emotional/mental labor before even getting to the actual work. Regardless of household make-up, couples with kids have quadruple the logistics. Again, 1 person takes on the vast majority of this. Doing dishes, laundry & vacuuming isn’t even a measurable amount of domestic labor. Just ask the mold in the shower or the school holiday calendar. Anyone can keep a place picked up. That’s easy physical labor for most. And NOT OPs thesis.
She'll never be able to take her own trip because her home and family can't function without her.
Before she tosses him, she needs to realize that this 10 day is a preview of her life without him.
So odd. Maybe it's because im indigenous? But for my partner to go out to hunt, its absolutely appreciated. Depending on what he hunts, its not all beers and fun. We hunt moose and will get birds if its not successful that day. But once the moose is down... it's all hands on deck. Those men bleed, gut, pull the animal out, take it to camp and thats only the beginning. They are elbow deep cleaning the animal so it can start to be butchered... after they hang it for a day or so. Butchering is also a huge, time consuming part of it. But in the end... you have a freezer of meat that will take you thru the winter. I'm in awe at all the hunters who work so hard to provide for their families. Its ONLY 10 days a year. My community has hunters going out for 14 days or more straight looking. And its stressful on the hunters! They are so tired at the end. Be thankful you have someone willing to hunt and provide.
I very much doubt that the purpose of this guy's hunting trip is to provide for his family.
Load More Replies... By the time they are asleep she is exhausted but she still has to clean and start the washing machine. She is often to tired to shower before collapsing into bed which is when her partner shows up. He is working two jobs because of the cost of everything right now so is working 7 days a week. Because of my md I'm not allowed to help her with having the kids at the weekend as I used to so she could have rested even though she had to do housework, laundry and everything but it's easie
My ed has a partner who leaves absolutely everything to my daughter. He leaves at 4.30am everyday, leaving my daughter to get up with their 3 kids, get them dressed, breakfast then drop their youngest at daycare at 06.40, and the other two at school 06.50am and start work at 7am. When she finishes at 4pm she picks the boys up from the after school care and then their daughter. Takes them home, starts dinner, feeds them, then cleans up, helps them with their homework, showers the youngest and brushes her teeth and gets her ready for bed. Then the older two shower, she gives them an evening snack, brush their teeth and then spends the next hour getting them to sleep
I mean they can help eachother out. The hubby can do some meal prep and other chores before he leaves to lessen the load. And when the wife goes on her own trip hubby can take care of things. I feel like she's not asking for help and getting upset at him, ask for what you need in your relationship gurrl
All I took from this is that the husband is a hunter, therefore an a*****e
That's what I got from it. As a hunter it makes me a bit sad when this happens. My wife doesn't hunt with me but she is happy with I bring home meat for the freezer and she likes to help me process it. I'm very thankful that she helps with it.
Load More Replies... This is purely lack of communication. If your partner doesn't step up, delegate. If they still don't pull their weight, stop doing their laundry, dishes, etc. If that doesn't get any results, you're better off without them. If my partner goes on a 10 day vacation, I'll plan a vacation for myself when they return.
How about "step up and be a grownup instead of treating your wife like your mommy and unpaid servant?"
Load More Replies... If someone is going on a 10-day trip, it better not be a surprise. what kind of spouse is surprised that the other won’t be around for 10 days? No one or a truly problematic relationship. I think this was meant to be done and the OP was looking for a reason to post her list of displeasures. She could have just made a post about she believes women and men think differently.
if she is married with school age kids then she and her husband have been together for some time. this kind of issue(s) should have been addressed when they were new and/or with the addition of kids. i get the feeling that this is a rant/conversation that should have taken place before feeling the need to post about it. i was married for 32+ years. we did vacays together but also separately. even if it was a last minute invite to a getaway w/friends i guess i was fortunate that my ex was supportive & encouraging for these times and took over. the only thing after all those years that i never got him to change was leaving his damn socks/clothes on the floor on his side of the bed.
this b***h is just being dramatic, life isn't this hard, when my wife was hospitalized for 3 months, I took care of the home and our 3 kids plus a newborn which was really hard but not undoable and she is complaining about 10 days? what do her kids only have one week worth of clothing are there no pizza deliveries in her area? can the chores no wait until the weekend? stop acting like life is this complicated you are bitching just to b***h for attention on tick tock like a fucken teenager or attention whore grow up.
What a dumb “chart”. It, auto, lawn care and playing with kids all are quite energy and time consuming
First of all, I would never marry a man who likes to go hunt and kill animals. 10 days is a long time to be away especially if you have small children. I would schedule a 10 day respite for myself when he returned. If he mixed the idea, ...... God help him
Hunting is cheaper than buying meat. Venison is a lean protein and better for you than beef.
Load More Replies... Personally, I pick my battles. Every time I feel myself beginning to boil over, I ask myself, "Would I be doing this if I were living alone?" If the answer is yes - I just do it, and mutter to myself that my husband better hope he dies first and then I start planning how to hide the body...
It's not a problem unless it's a constant unbalanced situation.
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