Woman Calls Out Commenters Who Believe Wives Should Remind Husbands About Upcoming Occasions
People in a relationship can get caught up in their everyday routine, making their connection feel less special. To prevent this, couples need to constantly celebrate each other and the milestones of their life together.
From saying “I love you” to organizing a surprise date night, the possibilities are virtually endless.
All that you need to do is recognize what is important to you and your partner and focus on those things.
But keeping the spark burning can be harder than it sounds. And content creator Laura Danger recently stumbled across a video that vividly illustrates this harsh truth.
Recently, a TikTok video went viral where a disappointed woman lets her husband know he forgot their wedding anniversary
Content creator Laura Danger saw it and immediately thought it would be a great opportunity to talk about relationship satisfaction
More specifically, the way partners should recognize what’s important to one another
She looked at the comments under the original video
And shared her own take on the topic
Image credits: thatdarnchat
We managed to get in touch with Laura and she agreed to tell us more about what inspired her to share her thoughts. “I feel really strongly that these ‘funny’ videos, like the one of the guy forgetting his anniversary, go so viral because a lack of care in relationships is really normalized in our society,” she told Bored Panda. “Sitcoms, TV shows and movies, and even whole accounts on social media are created in an effort to poke fun at how men are fools who can’t remember anything or need to be directed around the house. I don’t think it’s fair and I think normalizing this type of dynamic, laughing at it, means a lot of partners suffer in silence or make light of it because it actually hurts so much.”
“I’ve been talking about these viral videos of ‘#coupleshumor‘ jokes for about a year and my comment sections are constantly flooded with partners who talk about how heartbreaking it is when their spouse doesn’t pay attention to things that matter to them,” the content creator added. “I think it’s sad that we laugh at this lack of care and I like to use my platform to try to raise the bar of what partnership looks like.”
Laura said her comment section under this particular video was “full of people saying how relatable it was and how much it hurt them when their spouse forgot their birthday, left their stocking empty, or repeatedly let them down on big dates.”
She really feels for these people and finds it heartbreaking to see how common such situations are and how “normal” it is to “have a partner who doesn’t think it’s important enough to make an effort in making their partner feel loved.”
“I’m so glad I can bring awareness to the low social expectations around partnership but it really breaks my heart that for so long we’ve just laughed and made jokes about it. There’s nothing funny about hurting your partner’s feelings,” she said.
Laura’s video also went viral
@thatdarnchat Before you say “it’s a simple mistake, I forget stuff all of the time…” When it’s important to your partner, you find ways to prioritize. Reminders, calendars, asking a reliable friend to help remind you! There are ways to prioritize making your loved ones feel valued. #couples ♬ original sound – Laura Danger
Many experts would agree with Laura. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., who is a clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, for example, thinks that it’s crucial for both you and your partner to intentionally honor your special occasions.
“Celebrating anniversaries, marking relationship milestones, [and] making the relationship a priority is critical to the survival of the relationship,” he said. “Making sure that the relationship is nurtured is the responsibility of both partners … That means making the effort to honor the relationship by not missing big milestones like anniversaries.”
As we saw from the video, clearly it can feel painful if your significant other forgets your anniversary. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re over you. As with so many things in life, these situations are a little more nuanced, and while it’s likely just to be an honest moment of forgetfulness, considering the mistake’s context will let you know when it’s a red flag.
“Forgetting is human,” Klapow said. He thinks you should look at it holistically before jumping to any conclusions about the fate of your relationship. “The meaning of this forgetfulness can range from a true accident to a lack of priority around the anniversary date to a lack of priority around the relationship itself,” he explained.
If it was a one-time deal, it’s probably best to not get too caught up in it. But if you’ve been specific and clearly stated that celebrating an anniversary is important to you, and they still dropped the ball for the third time in four years, then it might be indicative of something more problematic.
Since communication in a relationship is a two-way street, make sure to verbalize your priorities. “At some point, it is important to let them know that while it may not be important to them, it is extremely important to you,” Klapow added.
Be honest and give them the benefit of the doubt. But even if your partner is apologetic when you’re highlighting the importance of anniversaries to you, their actions should be sincere, too. “Apologizing is great, but if it is important to you and you express that to your partner, they shouldn’t forget repeatedly,” Klapow said.
Part of loving someone is trying to give them what they need, and you should be confident that your partner does this for you.
“I am a huge advocate for explicit communication,” Laura Danger said. “Sometimes we think, ‘Oh, I love this person, so obviously we have the same values. Of course, we’re going to think the same things are important.’ The truth is that a lot of us fall in love and think the rest will fall in line.”
“I use the Fair Play method in my own marriage and I coach other couples in how to use it. It’s a set of communication tools that helps you actually sit down and talk about what matters to you and why. Instead of assuming, you intentionally discuss what’s most important to you. Men are not incapable of remembering dates, but it helps if they understand why they’re important to their partner. Simply put: talk about it,” she explained.
Laura offers workshops and coaching on the subject of partnership and division of labor, so if any of you related to the video she posted, she wants to emphasize that you’re allowed to expect care and consideration from your partner.
Here’s what people said after watching it
Women do more micro-work and organization in the family. For example, a menu for the week, a laundry schedule, a budget and marking appointments in the calendar, etc. Not to mention what all the list includes in a family with children. You just have to stop it and ask your partner to divide the work more evenly. Don't do work that is marked for someone else, and yes, the chaos and lack of clean socks will teach your partner. The usual patriarchal way of working must be broken.
I quit doing all household jobs years ago. That's men's work.
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I'm so f*****g tired of seeing men whose girlfriends/wives clearly value dates like an anniversary, and then make 0 effort to remember those days despite knowing it's important to her. My ex-husband forgot our anniversary and my birthday every year, and it hurt more every year to learn that despite telling him it hurt when he forgot, he couldn't be bothered to so much as write those dates down somewhere.
I forget mine every year and have done for eleven years. Hubby doesn't care, he's just happy to wake up with me every day.
Why do people get so hung up on certain dates? Every day should be important. My hubby and I have been married for 8 years. (I had to ask him because time is not my forte) As far as we're concerned, we're still on our honeymoon.
It doesn't matter why, the point is that this husband doesn't value something he knows is important to his wife, despite the fact that it clearly hurts her when he can't be bothered to remember their own anniversary. Stubbornly refusing to care about something because you don't think your significant other should care either is spiteful at best, and deliberately wounding your partner at worst.
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I'm a woman who has always had trouble remembering the special dates of people I care about. But, and I know this is a revolutionary idea, I simply enter the date into my smartphone and voilà! I've also set reminders for a week before and a day before, which gives me time to shop for a gift, if appropriate, and/or make a cake.
My wife and I both just remembered our anniversary like 4 days after the fact. Not a big deal to us but I get it. I do think that her reaction shows that it is part of a general dismissal and lack of appreciation. My wife knows that I'm going to forget dates sometimes, but she also knows that I'm going to randomly bring home things she'll like, do the things with her that she wants to do, and go out of my way whenever possible to make her happy.
Please stop posting tiktok content. It's potentially dangerous to your users, as well as generally being low quality content.
Honestly every time I see "TikTok" on BP, I have to suppress urges to downvote it instantly.
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I joke that I married my wife on her birthday so I only have one date to remember, but it was really so she wouldn't forget our anniversary.
It isn't, and no one said that it was. Remembering the date & saying "happy anniversary" isn't some great responsibility that is too much for one person to handle.
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I (46F) forget our anniversary date every year! But we celebrate our marriage and life together in a million small ways, every day. To us, that's what matters
Remembering dates is "irrelevant." IF the only time you "celebrate" or "remember" is on a special date then you are missing the "biggest thing going on." If you need a time to "remember" something, then you are ignoring everything else. You shouldn't give gifts or cards or your time because it is a special day, you should do it all the time. You should remember that person all the time. My husband and I do and quite frankly I forget birthdays, our anniversary, all the time. The specific day is irrelevant, the PERSON is the ONLY thing that matters. And for someone to get bent out of shape that someone else does not remember a specific date, get the hell over yourself. Did they forget the marriage? Or you? Or whatever event occurred on a specific day? No, they forgot a "number" NOT you or the event.
As someone who lived with a person who refused to celebrate even Christmas and Valentines day for this exact damn reason... Why don't you get off your high horse and accept that some people value dates and important events? I assume you don't care about them either but don't insult people who do. Let us have our nice Christmases and anniversaries and other holidays.
Load More Replies...
People are brought up differently when it comes to how dates, anniversaries and birthdays are celebrated... or not. Neither my wife and I are sentimental so we chose a wedding date of sequential numbers just so that we could remember it. (In fact I'm reminded writing this that it's coming up soon!). Another example is that my family made a big deal out of birthdays- cakes, cards and even parties. My wife's family didn't make a big deal out of it. This post about "forgetting the anniversary" really irks me. It's her values and not his and expects him to have the same sentimentality about it The marriage itself is more important than the date IMHO.
It's true that women are better with dates than men. But, in most relationships, it is the man's responsibility to wine and dine the woman.
Women do more micro-work and organization in the family. For example, a menu for the week, a laundry schedule, a budget and marking appointments in the calendar, etc. Not to mention what all the list includes in a family with children. You just have to stop it and ask your partner to divide the work more evenly. Don't do work that is marked for someone else, and yes, the chaos and lack of clean socks will teach your partner. The usual patriarchal way of working must be broken.
I quit doing all household jobs years ago. That's men's work.
Load More Replies... I'm so f*****g tired of seeing men whose girlfriends/wives clearly value dates like an anniversary, and then make 0 effort to remember those days despite knowing it's important to her. My ex-husband forgot our anniversary and my birthday every year, and it hurt more every year to learn that despite telling him it hurt when he forgot, he couldn't be bothered to so much as write those dates down somewhere.
I forget mine every year and have done for eleven years. Hubby doesn't care, he's just happy to wake up with me every day.
Why do people get so hung up on certain dates? Every day should be important. My hubby and I have been married for 8 years. (I had to ask him because time is not my forte) As far as we're concerned, we're still on our honeymoon.
It doesn't matter why, the point is that this husband doesn't value something he knows is important to his wife, despite the fact that it clearly hurts her when he can't be bothered to remember their own anniversary. Stubbornly refusing to care about something because you don't think your significant other should care either is spiteful at best, and deliberately wounding your partner at worst.
Load More Replies... I'm a woman who has always had trouble remembering the special dates of people I care about. But, and I know this is a revolutionary idea, I simply enter the date into my smartphone and voilà! I've also set reminders for a week before and a day before, which gives me time to shop for a gift, if appropriate, and/or make a cake.
My wife and I both just remembered our anniversary like 4 days after the fact. Not a big deal to us but I get it. I do think that her reaction shows that it is part of a general dismissal and lack of appreciation. My wife knows that I'm going to forget dates sometimes, but she also knows that I'm going to randomly bring home things she'll like, do the things with her that she wants to do, and go out of my way whenever possible to make her happy.
Please stop posting tiktok content. It's potentially dangerous to your users, as well as generally being low quality content.
Honestly every time I see "TikTok" on BP, I have to suppress urges to downvote it instantly.
Load More Replies... I joke that I married my wife on her birthday so I only have one date to remember, but it was really so she wouldn't forget our anniversary.
It isn't, and no one said that it was. Remembering the date & saying "happy anniversary" isn't some great responsibility that is too much for one person to handle.
Load More Replies... I (46F) forget our anniversary date every year! But we celebrate our marriage and life together in a million small ways, every day. To us, that's what matters
Remembering dates is "irrelevant." IF the only time you "celebrate" or "remember" is on a special date then you are missing the "biggest thing going on." If you need a time to "remember" something, then you are ignoring everything else. You shouldn't give gifts or cards or your time because it is a special day, you should do it all the time. You should remember that person all the time. My husband and I do and quite frankly I forget birthdays, our anniversary, all the time. The specific day is irrelevant, the PERSON is the ONLY thing that matters. And for someone to get bent out of shape that someone else does not remember a specific date, get the hell over yourself. Did they forget the marriage? Or you? Or whatever event occurred on a specific day? No, they forgot a "number" NOT you or the event.
As someone who lived with a person who refused to celebrate even Christmas and Valentines day for this exact damn reason... Why don't you get off your high horse and accept that some people value dates and important events? I assume you don't care about them either but don't insult people who do. Let us have our nice Christmases and anniversaries and other holidays.
Load More Replies... People are brought up differently when it comes to how dates, anniversaries and birthdays are celebrated... or not. Neither my wife and I are sentimental so we chose a wedding date of sequential numbers just so that we could remember it. (In fact I'm reminded writing this that it's coming up soon!). Another example is that my family made a big deal out of birthdays- cakes, cards and even parties. My wife's family didn't make a big deal out of it. This post about "forgetting the anniversary" really irks me. It's her values and not his and expects him to have the same sentimentality about it The marriage itself is more important than the date IMHO.
It's true that women are better with dates than men. But, in most relationships, it is the man's responsibility to wine and dine the woman.
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